The Weird Al Show 1x1

1. Oh, this is a story about a guy named Al

2. and he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal.

3. But the sanitation workers really

4. didn't approve, so he packed up his accordion

5. and had to move to a city in Ohio, where he live in a tree.

6. And he worked in a nasal decongestant factory,

7. and he played on the company bowling team.

8. And every single night he had a strange recurring dream

9. where he was wearing lederhosen in a vat of sour cream,

10. but that's really not important to the story.

11. Well, the very next year he met a dental hygienist

12. with a spatula tattooed on her arm,

13. but he didn't keep in touch.

14. And he lost her number, then he got

15. himself a job on a tater tot farm.

16. And he spent his life-savings on a split-level cave

17. 20 miles below the surface of the Earth.

18. And he really makes a mighty fine jelly bean and pickle

19. sandwich, for what it's worth.

20. Then one day, Al was in the forest trying to get a tan when

21. he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man.

22. He was caught in a bear trap, and Al set him free

23. and the guy that he rescued was grateful as could be.

24. And it turns out he's a big-shot producer on TV.

25. So he gives Al a contract and whaddaya know?

26. Now, he's got his very own Weird Al Show.

27. Today's lesson is, don't follow

28. people who can get you into trouble.

29. Think for yourself.

30. - Oh, hey.

31. How you doing?

32. I'm just putting the finishing touches

33. on my brand new invention, x-ray spray.

34. Check this out.

35. Let's see.

36. There's my clavicle, and there's my sternum, and—

37. Oh, hey there's my car keys.

38. I've been looking for those.

39. Anyway, the other day I was out playing 43 man squamish

40. with some of my friends, and I met

41. this is really cool guy named Spike.

42. Spike's got this super cool exclusive club,

43. and you know what?

44. He said he might actually let me be a member too.

45. Wow.

46. Oh, that's probably him now.

47. He said he was going to drop by with some

48. of the other guys in the club.

49. Hey, Spike.

50. - Hey, Al.

51. How ya?

52. - All right.

53. - Nice cave.

54. I bet you could throw a slamming party in here.

55. - Thanks.

56. Where's the rest of the guys?

57. - Oh, you know, they wanted me to come

58. over first and check things out.

59. You know, make sure you're cool enough.

60. - Of course.

61. Oh, hey, if you want to see something really cool,

62. look at this.

63. - Yeah, that's creepy.

64. Oh, you know it'd be cool to spray that thing on Christmas

65. presents. - Sure.

66. - Oh, and then we could spray it on just about

67. any combination lock to see how to open it.

68. - I suppose you could.

69. Oh, hey, you haven't met Harvey yet.

70. - No, who's that?

71. - Only my best friend in the whole world.

72. - Isn't that a rat?

73. - No, he's a hamster.

74. Say, Harvey, you want to sing the Harvey

75. the Wonder Hamster theme song?

76. OK, here we go.

77. (SINGING) Oh, Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the Wonder Hamster.

78. He doesn't bite and he doesn't squeal,

79. he just runs around on his hamster wheel.

80. Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the Wonder Hamster.

81. Hey, Harvey.

82. - So, what makes him a Wonder Hamster?

83. - Watch this.

84. Ladies and gentleman, please put your hands together

85. for the most fearless rodent in a world,

86. Harvey the Wonder Hamster.

87. All right, Harvey.

88. - That was pretty cool.

89. Hey, Al, let's do it again, but this time no parachute,

90. and let's make the car burst into flames

91. right before it goes over the cliff.

92. That'll rock.

93. - I think— I think Harvey's tired right now.

94. Why don't we do something else.

95. - I don't know.

96. You know, I'm starting to think maybe you're

97. not right for the club after all.

98. I mean, look at you Al.

99. You're not even hip to the one pant leg thing.

100. - Yes, I am.

101. What is it?

102. - All the really cool guys in my club

103. wear their pants with one leg missing.

104. - Oh, all my other pants are like that.

105. Really, I was just about to cut this one off

106. before you got here.

107. Look.

108. See?

109. It's gone.

110. I'm cool.

111. Everything's cool.

112. - All right.

113. Well, you know what the really cool guys in my club do?

114. - No, what?

115. - Now, this is kind of a secret club thing,

116. but I'm going to tell you anyway.

117. They dip their arms in hot, melted chocolate.

118. Oh, hey, I've got a vat of hot melted chocolate right here.

119. - Well, what are you waiting for?

120. - I am so cool. - Yeah.

121. Hey, man, I'm just going

122. and grab a quick bite, all right?

123. You.

124. - Spike is so cool.

125. I think he's starting to warm up to me.

126. Uh oh.

127. Sounds like Spike needs a little help in the kitchen.

128. - Dude, there's nothing to eat in here.

129. Just how far will Al go to impress Spike?

130. This could be trouble.

131. AL: The Weird Al Show will be right back.

132. I promise.

133. All right.

134. The Weird Al Show is back.

135. - My pal Spike here said he was a little hungry so I'm making him

136. one of my favorite snacks, hickory flavored asphalt

137. with anchovy jello on whole wheat bread.

138. Like I always say, if you've got black top,

139. and you've got gelatin, you've got good eating.

140. - Uh, no, no, thanks.

141. I'll— I'll pass.

142. So Al, what do you do for fun on this show?

143. - Oh, lots of stuff.

144. Sometimes my neighbor the Hooded Avenger comes over

145. on his hood cycle and we will—

146. - You mean that crime fighter guy?

147. I know that guy.

148. What a goober.

149. You don't actually hang out with him, do you?

150. - Oh, no. Not really.

151. I was just kidding—

152. - Good, good, because crime fighters are lame.

153. - Yeah, I think so too.

154. - So come on Al, do something to entertain me.

155. - Oh, OK.

156. Oh, hey, I know something really fun we can do.

157. Why don't we go into the next room and watch TV?

158. - All right.

159. - OK, come on over here.

160. You can sit, well, OK, there's fine.

161. - Give me that.

162. - Oh, see I usually—

163. - And that's why they called him Billy the Chicken.

164. - Hey, what a great story.

165. I was riveted.

166. - Hey, what do you say we all singy a little songy?

167. - What do you say we not? - Oh no.

168. Did he just say what I thought he said?

169. - I'm afraid so.

170. - (SINGING) Water is wet, oh, water is wet.

171. How much wetter could water get?

172. Not any wetter at all, I bet.

173. Oh, water is wet.

174. Isn't this fun?

175. - No.

176. You don't want to pay a lot for day care by pirates,

177. but you expect the superior quality and experience

178. that only pirates can provide.

179. That's why Pirate Day Care is the number one day care

180. provider for children in the entire tri-state area.

181. Our staff of highly trained, dedicated day

182. care professionals is there to serve

183. all your child's day care needs.

184. We also have a soft care program for toddlers.

185. Call now, operators are standing by.

186. - (SINGING) Yes, water is wet.

187. Wetter than an onion or a chia pet.

188. It's the very wettest thing that I've seen yet.

189. Oh, water, water, water, water, water, water,

190. water, water, water water, water—

191. - Right now, it's time for a special bungalow

192. style fashion report.

193. Let's find out what's in this week.

194. Crutches, day glow tube tops, and fanny

195. packs, but only if warn on the head.

196. What's out, tearing off one pant leg.

197. What was that all about?

198. I mean, can you believe that there are actually some losers

199. out there that still dress this way?

200. Please.

201. That is so five minutes ago.

202. Anyway, next up— - I'm bored.

203. Let's do something else.

204. - I'm confused.

205. Is it cool or not cool to wear pants like this?

206. - Is it cool or not cool to?

207. Where's the phone?

208. I gotta go call the rest of the guys

209. and tell them not to bother coming over.

210. If you're this wimpy now, you're certainly

211. not going to get past the initiation.

212. - What initiation?

213. You couldn't handle it.

214. - Oh, sure I could.

215. What do I have to do?

216. - You have to shave your right eyebrow.

217. - Really?

218. Are you sure that's cool?

219. - Not only is it cool, it's mandatory.

220. Gotta do it, or you won't get in the club.

221. - OK, well, I'm just going to go get my shaving cream.

222. You guys watch this, and the next time you see me,

223. I'm going to be unbelievably cool.

224. - Pizza.

225. - Pizza delivery leaving you cold?

226. At Pizza m we guarantee fast delivery.

227. Our secret?

228. No box.

229. Most pizza places waste valuable time

230. putting their pizza in a box.

231. Pizza Palace, six seconds.

232. Antonio's takes eight.

233. Your pizza just got cold.

234. At Pizza Quick your pie comes right out of the oven

235. and goes right out the door.

236. No boxes, no putting it in boxes, no boxes.

237. - Oh, thanks.

238. - So next time you want pizza, get it quick.

239. Pizza Quick, ready in zero seconds.

240. - Maybe I could just shave my underarm instead.

241. - Ah.

242. - It's cool right?

243. - Oh, yeah, Al.

244. That is moby.

245. - Moby?

246. - Moby means the absolute coolest.

247. - Oh.

248. I am way moby.

249. So I'm in the club now, right?

250. - Well, no.

251. There's something missing.

252. There.

253. That's much better.

254. Kid, you got potential.

255. - Oh, hey, maybe that's the other club members now.

256. - Hi, Al.

257. - Who's the brat?

258. - Oh, it's just Bobby, the Inquisitive Boy.

259. - Hey, Al, what happened to you?

260. - Oh, yeah, I look totally moby, don't I?

261. - I don't know, does moby mean like a dork?

262. - So Bobby, what can I do for you?

263. Spike and I are kind of busy here.

264. - Dude, am I the only cool person you know?

265. - I just scraped up my knee.

266. Want can I do to make it all better?

267. - Well, Bobby, accidents are just one

268. of the many mysteries of the universe.

269. - Uh huh.

270. So can I get a band-aid or something?

271. - Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, prevention is the best medicine.

272. Why don't I show you this short educational film,

273. and then maybe you'll think twice

274. before you decide to hurt yourself again.

275. Safety is everyone's business.

276. We can all stay out of harm's way

277. just by following a few simple rules.

278. When you're out in public, always

279. check to make sure no spies are following you.

280. If you find a spider on your shirt, roll,

281. roll on the ground.

282. Spiders are icky.

283. And if you lose a pants leg, call home right away

284. so your friends won't beat you up for looking like a dork.

285. Don't let your parents drive backwards in the rain.

286. It's just not safe.

287. If Dad needs to take a nap, tell him to do it

288. in a bed, that's what they're made for.

289. And never, ever let your dog drive the car.

290. - Well, there you go, Bobby.

291. Hope that answers your question.

292. - But what if my knee gets infected?

293. What if germs get in there?

294. And where do germs come from anyway?

295. - Dude.

296. - Excuse me.

297. - If your creepy little friend wants

298. to prevent a big accident, perhaps he should leave now.

299. - He'll be gone in a minute.

300. Let me just get him a band-aid for his knee.

301. - I guess you didn't quite understand me.

302. Either nerd boy goes or I go.

303. It's your choice, Al, but choose now.

304. - OK, I'll— I'll get rid of him. - My man.

305. - Hey, Bobby.

306. Hey, hey, guess what I heard?

307. They're having a big party down at the mall with the Mighty

308. Morphing Ranger people and that Barney dinosaur guy,

309. and they're— they're giving away free ice cream and horsey

310. rides, so you better get going.

311. See ya.

312. - But I'd rather stay here with you.

313. - Listen, Bobby, the truth is I've got

314. some new friends coming—

315. - You're just not cool enough, OK?

316. So grab your wheels and hit the road.

317. - I don't feel so good.

318. - Stop being such a baby.

319. Come on, let's go break stuff.

320. - OK.

321. It's cool.

322. Since when is it cool to blow off your friends?

323. I think that guy Spike is a bad influence.

324. AL: Hold your horses, we'll be right back.

325. Hey, it's time for more of The Weird Al Show.

326. - Welcome back.

327. I know the place looks kind of messy right now,

328. but I'm right in the middle of working on—

329. Hey, Al, what are these?

330. - Oh, that's a new invention I'm working on,

331. super buoyant edible ping pong balls.

332. - Really, edible?

333. - Yeah, yeah, but don't put that in your—

334. - Spicy.

335. - Yeah, that's the jalapeño flavored one.

336. I tried to warn you.

337. Anyway, I can tell by the old clock on the wall,

338. that once again, it's time for Al's mail bag.

339. That's right.

340. Well, let's see what we got in the old mail bag this week.

341. OK, let's see what we got here.

342. Well, this is interesting.

343. Must be some kind of semi-precious stone, maybe even

344. a moon rock. Let's see.

345. Dear, Al, I found this in my nose—

346. OK, well, that was something.

347. Let's try another one.

348. Dear Al, do you have any brothers or sisters

349. who aren't just cheap camera tricks?

350. Signed, Curious.

351. Well, I do have my brother Alex, the 8 inch tall savage warrior.

352. I love him very much, but alas, he's

353. nothing but a cheap camera trick.

354. It makes my mom really sad.

355. Let's move on.

356. - Hey, hey, stop reading letters.

357. That's lame, all right.

358. Nobody in the club would ever do that.

359. Let's rip them up.

360. Come on, Al, rip them up.

361. - Uh, oh, hey, I bet that's the other guys from the club.

362. - Hey, Spike.

363. - Hey, Seymour, Seymour.

364. Al, that's Seymour.

365. Seymour, Al. He's in the club.

366. - Oh, hey.

367. - What's that goop on you?

368. - Chocolate.

369. You know, the secret club thing?

370. - What is he talking about?

371. And what happened to your eyebrow?

372. - I shaved it off for the club initiation.

373. - What initiation?

374. - You know, the club initiation.

375. - There's no initiation.

376. We don't even have any other guys in the club yet.

377. - What are you saying?

378. Wait a second.

379. Did you just make all this stuff up?

380. - Well, yeah.

381. Making stuff up is cool.

382. - You mean to tell me I ripped up my favorite pair of pants,

383. plunged myself into a vat of chocolate,

384. shaved off my eyebrow, blew off one of my friends,

385. put on bunny ears, and let you destroy my home all so

386. you would think I was cool, and you were just making it up?

387. - Yeah.

388. - I am such a fool.

389. - I knew this guy wasn't one of us.

390. Let's get out of here.

391. - Where did you meet this loser?

392. - Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

393. Harvey, hey, pal. Spike's gone.

394. You can come out now.

395. Oh, that better not be Spike.

396. Oh, hey guys.

397. Am I glad to see you.

398. - Criminitly, Bobby, you were right.

399. He is covered with a tasty chocolate coating.

400. - So did you join his club?

401. - Nah, he was a creep.

402. - Duh.

403. - Al, I'm glad you figured that out yourself.

404. Some people never learn how to think for themselves.

405. They just do whatever people tell them is cool,

406. no matter how ridiculous that may be.

407. - Oh, look, more visitors.

408. Hey, it's my good friends, Barenaked Ladies.

409. Come on in, guys.

410. - Hey, Al we're just on out way to the medieval festival.

411. We saw some guy trying to rip off the Hooded Avenger's bike.

412. - What? My Hood Cycle?

413. - Relax man.

414. We scared him off.

415. - Yeah, but the guy was trying to spray the lock with this thing.

416. - My x-ray spray?

417. Spike.

418. I can't believe it, what a worm.

419. - Forget about it, Al.

420. Someday the sledgehammer of justice

421. will fall upon his big toe.

422. - Hey, if you guys don't mind being

423. a little late to the medieval festival,

424. it would be great if you could do a song for us.

425. - We'd be happy to, as soon as we get out of these outfits.

426. - Oh, cool.

427. That's great.

428. We'll be right back.

429. Wow.

430. Following Spike may have cost him

431. a pants leg and an eyebrow, but Al's finally

432. learned to think for himself.

433. AL: The Weird Al Show will be back in a flash.

434. And now back to the show.

435. - Hey, look, it's Barenaked Ladies.

436. - Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye.