1. Why aren't you guys in costume?
Copy !req
2. Uh, because we're having
a secret sit-down
Copy !req
3. in a public place, maybe?
Copy !req
4. I thought we were going
for intimidating villainy,
Copy !req
5. so I got all...
Copy !req
6. All right.
I'll go change.
Copy !req
7. Oh, I ordered the stuffed
peppers, so save me one.
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8. She didn't exist
until she was 25.
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9. Her name... Teresa Didae.
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10. Her friends would call her Terri
if she had any.
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11. Let's just say that Teresa
has too many dark secrets
Copy !req
12. to have friends
to call her Terri.
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13. It's because she killed
her husbands, isn't it?
Copy !req
14. All of them.
Copy !req
15. She walks into their life
as Miss Perfect,
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16. treats them like gods.
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17. Then she gets a ring, and they
get a closed-coffin funeral.
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18. That's fine. Now go back to the
"treats them like gods" part.
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19. She's mastered
the art of seduction...
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20. finds a rich man
and gives him the works.
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21. Oh! What's "the works"?
Specifically.
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22. Like, uh, say no orifice
is off limits?
Copy !req
23. Or are we
on different pages here?
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24. Different pages here.
I'm on the obituaries.
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25. You're on, like,
the Penthouse Forum.
Copy !req
26. So, you found me
the perfect black widow.
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27. Well, I just need
her Web address so I can, uh...
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28. Oh!
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29. My God, "Web address," and she's
a black widow. You get it?
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30. There's nothing to get
but killed.
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31. She'll love you
and leave you... dead.
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32. I hope you can stop her.
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33. What?
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34. I'm not gonna stop her.
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35. I'm gonna ask her out.
Copy !req
36. Hmm.
That's interesting.
Copy !req
37. Where're all the bad guys at?
Copy !req
38. I can't see any. Can someone
point out the supervillains?
Copy !req
39. Blind Rage.
Please have a seat.
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40. Don't.
I see perfectly.
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41. With my radar, I know
where the big guy is seated,
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42. how much wine is in that glass,
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43. and that your breasts are
spilling from your brassiere.
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44. Is it your monthlies?
Oh, I'm just kidding.
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45. I'd be able to smell it
if you were.
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46. Heightened senses.
Copy !req
47. So, how's the Council of,
uh... what is it? Five?
Copy !req
48. Guild Council is doing fine,
thank you.
Copy !req
49. Let's stop pretending
we like each other
Copy !req
50. and just get this over with.
Copy !req
51. Fine. The Peril Partnership had
a little deal with the Wale,
Copy !req
52. and we haven't been seeing
any of our kickbacks.
Copy !req
53. So we are not happy.
Copy !req
54. Your deal
with Wide Wale is not a deal
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55. with
the Guild of Calamitous Intent.
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56. If you'd care to make an offer
to us, we're listening.
Copy !req
57. You pay us to pretend
to be scared of you has-beens
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58. and keep out of your territory.
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59. If you don't,
the Partners drop a shitstorm
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60. of costumed villainy
on your doorstep.
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61. I'll extend your offer
to the Guild.
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62. We're done here.
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63. On your way out,
take some of those free mints.
Copy !req
64. Your breath is appalling.
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65. Okay, but when the Guild
gets blamed for it,
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66. don't come crawling to me.
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67. Unless you want a night
that you're never gonna forget.
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68. Red, it's not worth it.
Copy !req
69. Hey, you kicked ass
on those stuffed peppers, boss.
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70. Delish!
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71. Uh, was that him?
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72. - What did I miss?
- Everything.
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73. I'm calling a Council meeting.
Do you want to cater it?
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74. I had nothing to change into.
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75. That's it?
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76. We pay them off and look like
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77. we are afraid of their bluster
and short pants?
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78. Why make a thing of it?
It's pocket change.
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79. It's a mistake.
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80. This is
just the beginning with them.
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81. It's the end.
We've voted,
Copy !req
82. and the Peril Partnership
gets their money to go away.
Copy !req
83. - Solved.
- I'll make the drop.
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84. It's on my way home.
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85. Good.
Next business.
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86. Okay, since we can't find 13
members for the Council of 13,
Copy !req
87. I've gone back to
the original charter,
Copy !req
88. and I found this.
Okay, I'm quoting.
Copy !req
89. "The Council, constituting the
superannuated, thus appointed,
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90. are reborn
as the governing body."
Copy !req
91. Okay, I'll be your huckleberry.
What does that mean?
Copy !req
92. I think what she's saying is,
we're super-awesome.
Copy !req
93. I didn't hear no talk
Copy !req
94. - about no 13 anything.
- Well, there isn't any.
Copy !req
95. The 13 was
the Sovereign's little flourish.
Copy !req
96. But it does mean that all of us
Copy !req
97. can no longer be
active villains.
Copy !req
98. So we're good guys now?
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99. Ooh, may I be Captain Handsome?
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100. Watch and Ward are handing out
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101. your final arch.
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102. Your last hurrah of sorts.
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103. We really did our research here.
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104. Satisfaction guaranteed.
Copy !req
105. There it is. Have fun.
Get it out of your blood.
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106. Enjoy yourselves.
At our next meeting,
Copy !req
107. we retire as villains
or resign from the Council.
Copy !req
108. Adjourned.
Copy !req
109. Oh, my God, she's perfect.
Copy !req
110. Maybe she drops her hand-bra
in the next one.
Copy !req
111. We can't see the other pictures
unless she's a friend.
Copy !req
112. Friend her!
Wait. Romance her.
Copy !req
113. Is there an "add romance"
or a wink?
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114. Can we wink and then bow?
Copy !req
115. Perhaps we should send her
a flower made of punctuation.
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116. Too desperate, too stupid.
Copy !req
117. Just wait till
she answers your message.
Copy !req
118. Ugh. You really are serious
about this, aren't you?
Copy !req
119. What are you thinking?
Copy !req
120. That I haven't been with a woman
since Hank's graduation.
Copy !req
121. - Gross.
- You don't know the half of it.
Copy !req
122. Well, then go out there
and find a real woman
Copy !req
123. that won't kill you
and take your money.
Copy !req
124. Brock, this is a woman that
seduces rich men for a living.
Copy !req
125. Oh, think about how amazing
that woman is in bed.
Copy !req
126. - Ugh, gross.
- Not gross!
Copy !req
127. I'm a man.
I need to be touched.
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128. I would like to be touched
by an amazing-looking woman
Copy !req
129. who wants only to please me.
Copy !req
130. I don't want to be laughed at,
denied,
Copy !req
131. or even feel like
the pathetic man I clearly am!
Copy !req
132. He does make
some solid points, Brock.
Copy !req
133. Okay, let's, uh,
figure this out.
Copy !req
134. Gentlemen, the spider
has taken the fly.
Copy !req
135. Mad?
Why would I be mad?
Copy !req
136. Because you'll never be
my Number 2 again?
Copy !req
137. Or that you made
this decision without me
Copy !req
138. and just dropped it in my lap
like a hot, stupid idea?
Copy !req
139. Mad? That's crazy!
Copy !req
140. I'm so happy for you.
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141. This is my career, sweetie.
This is what it requires.
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142. Do you want me to quit?
Join you and Gary?
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143. I want it to be
like it was 20 minutes ago,
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144. - before you did this!
- Yeah, well
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145. - that's not gonna happen.
- This... This... No!
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146. - Sweetie, come on.
- No!
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147. - We can work through it.
- No.
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148. You know, he's not gonna
commit suicide or anything.
Copy !req
149. What?
Why would you even say that?
Copy !req
150. Oh, he wouldn't. He wouldn't go
out and cheat on you or drink...
Copy !req
151. Gary, stop whatever that is.
Copy !req
152. - You're making it worse.
- I was comforting you.
Copy !req
153. All right, fine.
Next topic.
Copy !req
154. So, who's your final arch?
Copy !req
155. Here, you read it.
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156. Uh, if you have to arch Venture,
he's gonna go mental.
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157. Just saying.
Copy !req
158. "Dr. Mrs. The Monarch.
Copy !req
159. It was as Lady Au Pair when you
had your most humbling defeat.
Copy !req
160. You were inches away
from possessing the..."
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161. Faith Diamond.
52.8 carats.
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162. Worth an estimated $300 million.
Copy !req
163. And it's all ours.
Copy !req
164. Will you stop opening
the cash bags?
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165. What? We would never take
any money for ourselves, Mum.
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166. That ain't right!
Accusing us?
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167. Ri-damn-diculous.
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168. Don't say "I do" so quickly.
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169. Novia! Funny. I don't remember
getting your RSVP.
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170. Lady Au Pair
and her two Moppets.
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171. Always a bridesmaid,
never a bride.
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172. I'm more of a career girl.
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173. Well, then I guess you won't
want to catch...
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174. my bouquet!
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175. Oh, you heard about it?
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176. Yes, all of our old archrivals.
Copy !req
177. Who do you think?
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178. It's you.
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179. Wait! No, no, that's exactly
what we should do!
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180. I know you were kidding,
but I'm not.
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181. Old-school!
That's right!
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182. Like men.
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183. Midnight,
Central Park, Bow Bridge.
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184. Oh, I'll be there.
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185. Ha!
You got to be kiddin' me.
Copy !req
186. Those two set
the Wayback Machine
Copy !req
187. all the way back
to when I started out.
Copy !req
188. So, who's the unlucky good guy?
Copy !req
189. Curtis Sliwa
of the Guardian Angels.
Copy !req
190. Sliwa? We made peace with
that guy a long time ago.
Copy !req
191. He's part of my friggin'
Thursday night poker game even.
Copy !req
192. No, he's good people.
Copy !req
193. But he's got to take
a fall on your fists.
Copy !req
194. I don't need him doin'
that karate shit on me.
Copy !req
195. - Ah, you serious?
- Of course I'm serious!
Copy !req
196. Go slap Sliwa around
and then, uh...
Copy !req
197. take him to Keens
for some chops.
Copy !req
198. What's wrong with you?
Get out of here!
Copy !req
199. Okay...
Copy !req
200. "Dr. Z, we have
only one word for you.
Copy !req
201. That word is 'Johnny."
Copy !req
202. Of course it is.
Copy !req
203. Good times, good times.
Copy !req
204. You will never escape, Johnny!
Copy !req
205. It's Buddy!
He followed us!
Copy !req
206. Silence the animal!
Copy !req
207. Don't you shoot at my dog.
Copy !req
208. Hold it, Johnny.
Copy !req
209. Stupid dog is interfering
with my spectacular plans!
Copy !req
210. Look, it is Anubis.
The god himself.
Copy !req
211. And he is displeased!
Copy !req
212. No, no, you fools!
Come back!
Copy !req
213. It's the dog stuck in a mask!
Copy !req
214. How idiotic can you be?
Copy !req
215. Gosh, mister. Your henchmen
are terrible at their job.
Copy !req
216. I know, right?
They're bunglers!
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217. And they will be executed!
Copy !req
218. Hard line.
One bungle, you're out.
Copy !req
219. Zero-bungle tolerance.
Copy !req
220. Well, you gonna read it?
Copy !req
221. Oh, as if you don't know already
Copy !req
222. who it's gonna be.
Copy !req
223. Oh, look who they chose
for Radical Left.
Copy !req
224. It's Right Wing.
Copy !req
225. Mm-hmm.
Real shocker there.
Copy !req
226. Looks like I'm gonna have to
vanquish you again.
Copy !req
227. Oh, take your best shot!
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228. This time, don't absorb me.
Copy !req
229. Again.
Copy !req
230. Go on, then.
How bad could it be?
Copy !req
231. What if it's Commander Ruin?
Copy !req
232. He punched me in the tummy once,
and I vomited on his boots.
Copy !req
233. Instantly coughed up
a Reuben sandwich on his boots.
Copy !req
234. He never forgave me.
Copy !req
235. I'm hoping it's the guy
from "Home Improvement."
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236. Not the main guy,
but... but the handyman.
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237. Al.
I hope it's Al.
Copy !req
238. Did you arch
the "Home Improvement" guy?
Copy !req
239. I did not. But I hope it's him
because he would never hurt us.
Copy !req
240. He wouldn't.
He seems n-nice.
Copy !req
241. Maybe it would be prudent
to wait till after dinner?
Copy !req
242. Dinner and another episode
of "Downton Abbey."
Copy !req
243. Oh, here comes
the 70-year-old errand boy.
Copy !req
244. Listen to those steps.
Copy !req
245. Hey, you got to slow down,
Copy !req
246. or you're gonna bust
a hip there, old man.
Copy !req
247. Better all be there or...
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248. The simplest
murder ever committed.
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249. Almost too easy.
Copy !req
250. Professor Plum in the ballroom
with the candlestick!
Copy !req
251. Oh, you got lucky!
Copy !req
252. Best out of five.
Copy !req
253. Set up the board again.
Copy !req
254. Okay, we are on.
Copy !req
255. Let's move, people!
Copy !req
256. Oh, Mr. Venture.
Copy !req
257. So nice to meet you.
Copy !req
258. I lean in for the kiss
but don't because?
Copy !req
259. Vial of hydrofluoric acid
between teeth and gums.
Copy !req
260. Death occurs within 18 hours.
Keep moving!
Copy !req
261. Right. So, I don't take her hand
because of a concealed blade?
Copy !req
262. Or a false fingernail
filled with batrachotoxin.
Copy !req
263. Right. Then I immediately offer
her a dip in the hot tub.
Copy !req
264. Care for a dip in my hot tub?
Copy !req
265. No way to conceal weapons,
water dilutes poison.
Copy !req
266. Plus, I get to see the goods
as a bonus.
Copy !req
267. Oh, Mr. Venture.
It's so chilly out.
Copy !req
268. Let's just sit down and chat.
Copy !req
269. Okay.
Now I lead her to the couch.
Copy !req
270. Okay, I come in here
and go, "Gee, Pop,
Copy !req
271. can you sign
this last will and testament?
Copy !req
272. I've been asking for ages."
Copy !req
273. And I say something like,
Copy !req
274. "Oh, I'm so devil-may-care
with my billions of dollars.
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275. But don't worry, son.
Copy !req
276. I have a huge life-insurance
policy, so you'll be fine.
Copy !req
277. Don't worry about the will."
Copy !req
278. Ah, thank you.
Copy !req
279. You just ingested
a lethal dose of tetrodotoxin
Copy !req
280. that I would've slipped
into your drink.
Copy !req
281. Nice one, Dean.
Copy !req
282. All right,
let's run it again, people!
Copy !req
283. We're really gonna
go through with this?
Copy !req
284. It's the only way.
Copy !req
285. Drop 'em and measure!
Copy !req
286. Ah. Are we, uh, measuring
from the top or...
Copy !req
287. From the base.
Copy !req
288. Let's try to keep
a little dignity.
Copy !req
289. Oh, you're up.
Goody.
Copy !req
290. We can start
your history lesson.
Copy !req
291. Long before there were
Copy !req
292. loud-mouthed buff guys
in spandex,
Copy !req
293. there was the Gentleman Villain.
Copy !req
294. His favorite sinister act
was this...
Copy !req
295. tying someone to a train track.
Copy !req
296. It's simple, inexpensive,
personal, and deadly.
Copy !req
297. But it gives you a little hope.
Copy !req
298. Maybe you'll escape.
Copy !req
299. God damn it!
Copy !req
300. Lesson's not over, sonny!
Copy !req
301. Now, the Gentleman Villain had
these old-school time bombs...
Copy !req
302. three sticks of dynamite
wired to an alarm clock.
Copy !req
303. And what was so poetic
about that is that they ticked.
Copy !req
304. You could hear them.
Tick, tick, tick.
Copy !req
305. Nowadays, they're just digital.
Copy !req
306. No sound, no peril.
Copy !req
307. Oh? Oh, ho, ho!
Copy !req
308. Do you hear that?
Copy !req
309. There's the ticking.
Copy !req
310. The train is coming.
Copy !req
311. Is it on this track?
Copy !req
312. Tick, tick, tick.
Copy !req
313. Maybe it's on the other track.
Copy !req
314. Tick, tick, tick!
Copy !req
315. Not bad for an old man, huh?
Copy !req
316. I'm gonna get going
and let you try to escape.
Copy !req
317. And if you do,
tell the Peril Partnership
Copy !req
318. that the Guild
isn't scared of punks.
Copy !req
319. If you don't?
Eh... sorry.
Copy !req
320. And what is
the purpose of your visit?
Copy !req
321. Professional menace?
Copy !req
322. Nothing complicated.
Copy !req
323. I'll probably just
chase him around,
Copy !req
324. unless you have a biplane
or a werewolf costume
Copy !req
325. - or something fun.
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
326. And what is
your relation to John?
Copy !req
327. Why must you keep
calling him "John"?
Copy !req
328. He is Johnny,
the pesky son of my archenemy.
Copy !req
329. And since he is dead,
Johnny is all I have.
Copy !req
330. Oh, well, we love John, too.
Copy !req
331. Unfortunately,
it's not visiting hours.
Copy !req
332. If you'd like to write him
a note, we could give it to him.
Copy !req
333. Uh, all right.
Copy !req
334. "I... will... get... you... Johnny."
Copy !req
335. That is so sweet.
Copy !req
336. Oh, and you came all this way.
Copy !req
337. Why don't you wait over there?
Copy !req
338. I'll talk to his counselors and
see what they can do for you.
Copy !req
339. Oh, you're very kind.
Copy !req
340. I will spare your life!
Copy !req
341. Oh, Lady Violet,
you are a delicious bitch,
Copy !req
342. - and you have my heart.
- Indeed.
Copy !req
343. I confess I have fantasized
about double-teaming her.
Copy !req
344. As if we have any other option
besides double-teaming her.
Copy !req
345. One more episode before
we open the envelope?
Copy !req
346. I think it prudent.
Copy !req
347. No way Matthew is really dead.
Copy !req
348. According
to Guild Colossurveillance,
Copy !req
349. she should be
around here somewhere.
Copy !req
350. Dude, that's where
the Ventures live!
Copy !req
351. Your husband is gonna die.
Copy !req
352. Please, Gary, don't tell him.
I don't want to deal.
Copy !req
353. He's going through
so much right now.
Copy !req
354. Oh, my God, right?
Seriously.
Copy !req
355. Everything I knew about myself
has changed in, like, a year.
Copy !req
356. You know, screw it.
I need to embrace change.
Copy !req
357. You want to cut off my ponytail?
Copy !req
358. Not this.
The real one.
Copy !req
359. Really? I so will.
I hate that thing.
Copy !req
360. - You look like... Steven Seagal.
- Brad Pitt!
Copy !req
361. Tell me about... Or no.
Or that.
Copy !req
362. - Not as much, though.
- Oh, my God, that's her.
Copy !req
363. That's... That's Novia.
Copy !req
364. Shit, she looks great.
Copy !req
365. Um, let's not do this.
Copy !req
366. Follow me.
Copy !req
367. Excuse me!
Copy !req
368. Ma'am, were you Novia?
Copy !req
369. Tim-Tom?
Copy !req
370. Tim-Tom Moppet?
Copy !req
371. You're... big now?
Copy !req
372. I didn't know that could happen.
Copy !req
373. - Does that happen to...
- I didn't grow.
Copy !req
374. I'm not a Moppet, biologically.
I'm a henchman.
Copy !req
375. Or a sidekick now, but,
you know, not with Lady Au Pair.
Copy !req
376. - With her husband...
- Sheila?
Copy !req
377. Ta-da!
Copy !req
378. So, Novia...
Copy !req
379. Terri, I mean.
Copy !req
380. Wow!
So
Copy !req
381. Wow.
Uh, forget it.
Copy !req
382. Forget it.
This is too weird.
Copy !req
383. My... God. Sheila.
Copy !req
384. Uh... hi!
Copy !req
385. All right, I know this looks
stupid, because it is.
Copy !req
386. It's, like, the dumbest thing
in the world,
Copy !req
387. but I'm supposed to
arch you tonight.
Copy !req
388. But now I can't
because you look great
Copy !req
389. and I am dressed
like a stupid nanny.
Copy !req
390. - No, no, no. You look beautiful.
- My husband is dealing
Copy !req
391. with all this crap
I gave him tonight.
Copy !req
392. - I just sprung it on him.
- No!
Copy !req
393. And I was just thinking
about myself, and now...
Copy !req
394. I'm supposed to be arching you,
and you look really good,
Copy !req
395. and you've made so many
better life decisions...
Copy !req
396. So, I talked to my wife,
Copy !req
397. and, uh, she was fine
with you moving in.
Copy !req
398. So was Ro-Boy.
Copy !req
399. Thanks, man.
Copy !req
400. You're all right.
Copy !req
401. I love you, Johnny.
Copy !req
402. - Yeah, no, uh, that's cool.
- In the platonic sense, I mean.
Copy !req
403. Not literally.
Copy !req
404. Not even platonically, really,
since Plato was all about
Copy !req
405. showing naked young boys
a good time.
Copy !req
406. You know, classical Greece.
I...
Copy !req
407. It was totally cool back...
Copy !req
408. Hey, maybe we shouldn't... mm,
rush into this kind of stuff.
Copy !req
409. Maybe you just...
I don't know...
Copy !req
410. maybe loan me
a couple bucks instead?
Copy !req
411. Yes. Uh, perhaps
that would be better.
Copy !req
412. Mm, oh.
Copy !req
413. Oh! Thanks for
the mask thing, man. I mean...
Copy !req
414. Oh, no! Look!
Copy !req
415. - Anubis! Aah!
- Oh!
Copy !req
416. Oh, you can run, Johnny,
but you will never get away!
Copy !req
417. Right? Yeah.
We, uh...
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418. We did that.
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419. Yeah.
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420. Good times.
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421. Oh, you want me to go run
and hide or something?
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422. Oh, oh! Please do.
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423. Just one more time.
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424. Mm!
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425. Oh, just do it already!
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426. We've lived long enough.
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427. Yes.
This is how we should go.
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428. Go ahead.
I'm ready.
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429. "Red Mantle and Dragoon.
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430. We regretfully inform you
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431. that all of your archenemies
are deceased."
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432. We won!
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433. We outlived all of those
good-guy pieces of crap.
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434. They couldn't best us!
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435. Boy, that guy
from "Home Improvement"
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436. really dodged a bullet tonight,
eh?
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437. I'm telling you, we so
would've kicked AI's fat ass.
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438. I still can't believe you agreed
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439. to come in the middle
of the night.
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440. Wait.
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441. Is this a booty call?
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442. This is a booty call, isn't it?
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443. Uh, slow down.
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444. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
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445. You are the most honest man
I've ever met.
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446. - You're completely fearless.
- Do you like it?
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447. I have no idea what I'm doing.
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448. I'm so hopped up
on this atropine, theophylline,
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449. and antivenom
that Brock gave me.
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450. - Whoo!
- Uh-huh.
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451. And is Brock
the man behind those bushes
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452. with a rifle trained on me?
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453. Hi, Brock!
Yeah, he's my bodyguard.
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454. And this is my body.
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455. Well, it's a very nice body.
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456. Hey, I want to ask you something
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457. before all these pills I took
make me pass out.
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458. Do I have a chance here?
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459. I don't know
what people told you about me,
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460. but I doubt it's true.
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461. Well, I heard that you have
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462. a lot of skeletons
in your closet.
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463. Yeah, well, okay,
that one might be true.
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464. Tonight proved that.
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465. - Lots of s-skeletons...
- I ran into a...
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466. well, an old friend,
right out in fro...
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467. I didn't do that!
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468. It really wasn't so bad.
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469. I mean, you didn't vomit
till she was gone,
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470. and she couldn't
see you do it, at least.
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471. Gary, I cried.
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472. Then my archnemesis hugged me.
Hugged me.
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473. Meanwhile, at stately Wayne
Manor, my husband is home alone,
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474. wondering if our partnership
is completely over.
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475. A-And it just might be.
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476. Well, when you put it that way.
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477. - You done back there?
- Yep, and here it is...
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478. your past,
that smells like L.A. looks.
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479. I never got over the wet look.
Guilty.
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480. Oh, I've got something else
for you.
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481. - What's this?
- I lifted her wallet.
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482. Little Miss Fancy
got herself arched.
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483. You are a baller!
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484. With perspicacious design
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485. and calamitous intent,
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486. do you hereby resign
your individual animus
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487. and accept the collective odium
of the Guild Council?
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488. I do, and I look forward
to hating with all of you.
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489. Yeah, sure, man.
We're ready!
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490. Oh, dear, yes.
Very much so.
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491. With no reservations, I accept.
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492. I regretfully decline.
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493. I still got a lot
of unresolved grudges.
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494. And let's face it.
All this?
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495. This ain't me.
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496. Of course. The Council
understands your position.
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497. Would you consider something
like a diplomatic appointment?
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498. I ain't going nowhere,
Madam Councilwoman.
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499. - We'll talk.
- Councilman Limb?
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500. It is my honor
to become a full member
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501. of this most worthy Council.
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502. I would like
to add that, last night,
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503. I was mighty in my victory.
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504. Like an inch mightier.
Seriously.
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505. This Council has my loyalty,
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506. and I swear I shall defend
its honor with my life.
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507. And what say you,
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch?
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508. Uh, I...
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509. I-I
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510. Uh, I...
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511. Madam Councilman?
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512. Gross.
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