1. Gentlemen,
we are about to embark.Copy !req
2. Come on!Copy !req
3. I wanted to say something
all profound for posterity.Copy !req
4. Save it, "Hobbit" Oppenheimer.Copy !req
5. We don't even know
if it worked this time.Copy !req
6. Well?Copy !req
7. Seems like a apple.Copy !req
8. Take a bite.Copy !req
9. Uh, y-you.Copy !req
10. I'm gonna run diagnostics,Copy !req
11. make sure the genetic sequence
isn't compromised.Copy !req
12. Yeah, make sure
there aren't any,Copy !req
13. you know,
fly parts it in.Copy !req
14. Seriously, double
and triple fly-check.Copy !req
15. Diagnostics look clean.Copy !req
16. - Hmm.
- Well?Copy !req
17. It tastes like success!Copy !req
18. Yes!Copy !req
19. So who's gonna volunteer
to be our first human subject?Copy !req
20. Whoa, what? Yeah, look, no way.
You're crazy.Copy !req
21. We're nowhere near ready
for human testing.Copy !req
22. White, go find Hank.
He'd do it for the free apple.Copy !req
23. Doc, no!Copy !req
24. This is literally the first
apple we haven't massacred.Copy !req
25. We need to study it,
repeat the experiment,Copy !req
26. analyze and reanalyze
all the dataCopy !req
27. and then, maybe, in a couple
of months, move up to mice.Copy !req
28. Ahoy, chairmen!Copy !req
29. If'n you're done fiddlingCopy !req
30. with your fancy
food processor,Copy !req
31. we need your signature
on these here...Copy !req
32. Aah!Copy !req
33. Not ready
for human testing.Copy !req
34. Congratulations, Captain!Copy !req
35. You've just made
super science history!Copy !req
36. Now, right this way, Captain.
Billy's just gonna...Copy !req
37. He's done it!Copy !req
38. Repeat, Venture has done it!
We are go for extraction.Copy !req
39. Huh?
What the...Copy !req
40. Mayday! Mayday!
I've been spotted.Copy !req
41. Initiating evasive...Copy !req
42. No! No way!
Absolutely...Copy !req
43. I am not joining
some dumb team.Copy !req
44. You're not joining a team.Copy !req
45. You're just filling in
for one job.Copy !req
46. I had to pull a lot of strings
to get you this gig.Copy !req
47. Well, unpull them, then.
Push them back! Whatever!Copy !req
48. I don't want it!Copy !req
49. No, but you need it!Copy !req
50. The Guild wants this thing
so bad,Copy !req
51. they're offering
a full EMA level upgradeCopy !req
52. if the heist is successful.Copy !req
53. A heist? Sweet!
What's the score?Copy !req
54. Classified, Gary.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
55. It doesn't matter
because I'm not inter...Copy !req
56. Don't you dare put that
empty milk carton back!Copy !req
57. There's still some left!
It's a sip.Copy !req
58. A sip? A sip?
Go get more milk.Copy !req
59. Look, I'm just not
a team player, okay, honey?Copy !req
60. The Monarch is
strictly a solo act!Copy !req
61. Yes, I know, sweetness.Copy !req
62. You're a precious unicorn,
beautiful and unique,Copy !req
63. but can you at least just go
and meet with themCopy !req
64. before you make up your mind,
please, for me?Copy !req
65. Hi-o, guy-o!Copy !req
66. Glad you could come
on such short notice.Copy !req
67. Sashay on in here.
The meeting's started.Copy !req
68. Well, hey, all.
Look at what the me dragged in.Copy !req
69. Team, this here's Tiny Eagle's
replacement, the Mighty Monarch.Copy !req
70. Mighty Monarch,
meet the team.Copy !req
71. Dot Com,
hackstress extraordinaire.Copy !req
72. Hey.Copy !req
73. And to her lovely left
is Tunnel Vision,Copy !req
74. our resident digger.Copy !req
75. Hey there, chief.Copy !req
76. That funny-looking fella
is called Presto Change-O.Copy !req
77. Greetings!Copy !req
78. And over here
you've got Ramburglar,Copy !req
79. top-shelf smash-and-grab man.Copy !req
80. 'Sup?Copy !req
81. Lastly, there's Driver X.Copy !req
82. Ooh, he ain't much for words,Copy !req
83. but his getaway driving's
poetry in motion.Copy !req
84. Hey.Copy !req
85. So, uh, I'm a little late
to this party, and my wi...Copy !req
86. the councilwoman, uh,
was kind of hazy on the details.Copy !req
87. Uh, what exactly is the job?Copy !req
88. Oh, you're in for a treat,
june bug.Copy !req
89. We're fixing to hit that there
Venture headquarters.Copy !req
90. Listen, Doc,
I really need to talk to youCopy !req
91. about this security breach.Copy !req
92. Oh, pfft, later.Copy !req
93. I want to get right to work
on my press release.Copy !req
94. I mean,
this is it, Brock.Copy !req
95. Telepor-freaking-tation.Copy !req
96. Can you believe it?Copy !req
97. Oh, this is
the kind of game-changerCopy !req
98. I've been working for
my entire life.Copy !req
99. Yeah, uh, got to make
a quick stop.Copy !req
100. Huh, didn't know we had tenants
on this floor.Copy !req
101. Or even this floor.Copy !req
102. Welcome back, Mr. Samson.Copy !req
103. Ohh.
Who's your little friend?Copy !req
104. You want to meet her?Copy !req
105. Heya, sexy.
A little later. What do you say?Copy !req
106. Hmm? Yeah.Copy !req
107. Well
Mm...Copy !req
108. And now my erection
is completely gone, thank you.Copy !req
109. What is all this?Copy !req
110. Doc, it's, uh...
Uh, it's time we had the talk.Copy !req
111. Now, at 21:00 sharp,Copy !req
112. Tunnel V. will move
into position underground,Copy !req
113. snug as a bug
next to ol' Doc Venture's lab.Copy !req
114. With the subway as cover,Copy !req
115. I can tunnel through
the foundation over there,Copy !req
116. and no one will
even hear a peep.Copy !req
117. At 21:20, I reach
the Ven-Tech ventilation access.Copy !req
118. Oh!
That's where I come in!Copy !req
119. The vents are laser-shielded
and too smallCopy !req
120. for any old dum-dum,Copy !req
121. so I just presto change-o
into a snakeCopy !req
122. and slither into the lab.Copy !req
123. Presto plugs
this transmitterCopy !req
124. into Venture's
security mainframe,Copy !req
125. and voilà,
his whole system is my bitch.Copy !req
126. Once Dot shuts off the alarms
and opens the doors,Copy !req
127. I grab the goods,
load them into Presto.Copy !req
128. After I presto change-o
into a human hand truck,Copy !req
129. Ooh! A man truck.Copy !req
130. We haul them out
the loading dock, south exit.Copy !req
131. Where Driver X will be waiting
to whisk y'allCopy !req
132. to the safe house
for champagne and revelry.Copy !req
133. Questions?Copy !req
134. New guy.
How'd I guess?Copy !req
135. Yeah, uh, where am I
while all this is happening?Copy !req
136. Oh, you're our eyes in the sky,
pretty bird.Copy !req
137. Aerial reconnaissance.Copy !req
138. You'll be making a big old
loop-de-loop all aroundCopy !req
139. that there Ven-Tech.Copy !req
140. - So I'm a lookout?
- Now he gets it.Copy !req
141. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait a minute!Copy !req
142. If anyone should be taking lead
on this thing,Copy !req
143. it's the Mighty Monarch.Copy !req
144. I've got decades
of hot skinny on Venture.Copy !req
145. I know how he thinks,
how he takes his coffee.Copy !req
146. I... I can tell you
his Sleep Number!Copy !req
147. Sure.
That sounds super useful.Copy !req
148. It's 25!
He's soft.Copy !req
149. I say we scrap this whole plan
and start from the top.Copy !req
150. You don't arch a VentureCopy !req
151. by sneaking around
in his crawl space.Copy !req
152. You hit him high,
and you hit him hard!Copy !req
153. Copycat, you have, like,
a Copy-copterCopy !req
154. for the initial aerial assault?Copy !req
155. Told you we should've
just bought a drone.Copy !req
156. Looky here now, songbird.Copy !req
157. I'm the leader
of this here band,Copy !req
158. and I say we ain't changing
the set listCopy !req
159. an hour before showtime.Copy !req
160. An hour before...
Wait. What?Copy !req
161. Oh, yes, sir.Copy !req
162. Curtain goes up at 21:00 sharp,
tonightsville.Copy !req
163. So you've licked
teleportation, huh?Copy !req
164. Well, give yourself
a fat pat on the back.Copy !req
165. That's what we
in the supersecret bizCopy !req
166. call a game-changer.Copy !req
167. Right?
I was just telling Brock...Copy !req
168. - That's why you have to kill it.
- What?Copy !req
169. Decommission it.
Scrap it for parts.Copy !req
170. Torch all your files and never,
ever speak of it again.Copy !req
171. Uh, why would I do that?Copy !req
172. Okay, let's say
you grace the worldCopy !req
173. with this technological
brain fart of yours.Copy !req
174. Have you given any thought
to what happens next?Copy !req
175. Pfft, you mean after
they slap a Nobel on me?Copy !req
176. I retire to Spanakopita
on a pile of money and women.Copy !req
177. What happens to FedEx
when grandma could just zapCopy !req
178. her famous fruitcake
to her kiddies in Kalamazoo?Copy !req
179. How about the auto industry,
the airlines, big oil?Copy !req
180. Global economy would go ass
over teakettle, that's what.Copy !req
181. Some extremely powerful people
ain't gonna like that,Copy !req
182. and they're gonna
come a-gunning for you.Copy !req
183. Isn't it kind of your job
to protect me?Copy !req
184. We kind of are, Doc.
From yourself.Copy !req
185. Shut it down
and hand it over,Copy !req
186. or we'll shut it down
and get real handsy about it.Copy !req
187. Ugh, this is crazy.
It's a free country.Copy !req
188. Mm-hmm.
Is it, now?Copy !req
189. What, are you gonna
torture me now?Copy !req
190. Brock, what the "F"?Copy !req
191. - It ain't like that, Doc.
- More like group therapy.Copy !req
192. But wait a minute!
Where are you going, Brock?Copy !req
193. What's gonna happen to me?Copy !req
194. Hello? Brock?Copy !req
195. Judas!Copy !req
196. Greetings, Dr. Venture.Copy !req
197. We've been watching you
for some time.Copy !req
198. And you are...?Copy !req
199. Oh, we've gone by many names
throughout the centuries.Copy !req
200. - The Knights Templar.
- The Illuminati.Copy !req
201. The Rothschild/Bilderberg
Super Sentinels.Copy !req
202. We... Well, we kind of
secretly control the world.Copy !req
203. Until now we've been happy
to remain in shadowsCopy !req
204. insomuch as your business
has not interfered with ours,Copy !req
205. but this teleporter of yours,
it's really a game-changer.Copy !req
206. What is this,
some kind of threat?Copy !req
207. No, Dr. Venture,
an invitation.Copy !req
208. As we said,
we've been watching you,Copy !req
209. and we think you have what
it takes to become one of us.Copy !req
210. Think of it...
power beyond your imagining,Copy !req
211. untold riches,
your every desire fulfilled.Copy !req
212. And all you need do is give up
one little invention.Copy !req
213. Ugh.Copy !req
214. You don't have to
make your mind up now.Copy !req
215. As it happens, we're convening
in secret this very night,Copy !req
216. and we'd very much like
to meet you...Copy !req
217. in the flesh, as it were.Copy !req
218. Come.
See what we can offer you.Copy !req
219. Then decide.Copy !req
220. Otra vez.Copy !req
221. Come on.
Más fuerte.Copy !req
222. Mucho mejor.
Tiempo fuera, Manolo.Copy !req
223. Hey. How's your
super-heist meeting?Copy !req
224. Super fucked! This heist
is going down tonight.Copy !req
225. Tonight? I thought it was
just a meet-and-greet.Copy !req
226. So did I!
Like a get-to-know-ya.Copy !req
227. - A go-see.
- Exactly!Copy !req
228. No, it's all happening
like now,Copy !req
229. and I'm supposed
to fly and shit,Copy !req
230. and I don't have my wings!Copy !req
231. Check your back, dude.Copy !req
232. No, smartass,
these are my cape wings.Copy !req
233. They're for showing,
not for going.Copy !req
234. I need the good wings,
the Glengarry wings.Copy !req
235. They're in the, uh,
basement, cave, whatever.Copy !req
236. - Find them!
- All right, all right! Hold on.Copy !req
237. Aerial reconnaissance.Copy !req
238. Dicks.Copy !req
239. Yeah, Copycat's place
is pretty rad, though.Copy !req
240. It's got these fancy
guest soaps that smell likeCopy !req
241. an Italian gigolo
smoking a grapefruit cigarette.Copy !req
242. Hey, bug boy!Copy !req
243. What, you curling
your eyebrows in there?Copy !req
244. Giddyap!Copy !req
245. Just a minute!Copy !req
246. - Okay, I found them.
- Great.Copy !req
247. Now get them over here fast.Copy !req
248. And make up a good cover story,
will you?Copy !req
249. These people already look at me
like I'm a Johnny Stupid.Copy !req
250. Just a little further, Doc.Copy !req
251. Oh, did you say something?Copy !req
252. Because I don't speak
to traitors.Copy !req
253. It's for your own good.Copy !req
254. Oh, sure!
That's what the Nazis said!Copy !req
255. No, they didn't.Copy !req
256. Well, I... I thought you
were about to sayCopy !req
257. you were only
following orders.Copy !req
258. All right.
You can take it off now.Copy !req
259. Get a load of this guy.Copy !req
260. I don't know if you should
trust him with your car.Copy !req
261. I'm not.Copy !req
262. Huh. So hard finding
good help these days.Copy !req
263. Uh...Copy !req
264. Your hosts
are all waiting inside.Copy !req
265. - May I take your coat, sir?
- What?Copy !req
266. Oh, uh, sure.
Uh, thanks.Copy !req
267. Oh.Copy !req
268. I think I'm overdressed.Copy !req
269. All right, team. This ain't
no dress rehearsal now.Copy !req
270. Curtain's fixing to go up.
Y'all on your marks?Copy !req
271. We've, uh,
reached the entry point there.Copy !req
272. We're, uh, ready to drill
on Dot's signal.Copy !req
273. I'm all set up out here.Copy !req
274. All systems online
and ready to go.Copy !req
275. Sergeant Sloppy is about
to start his nightly rounds,Copy !req
276. and I've got a northbound
"A" train approachingCopy !req
277. in five, four, three, two...Copy !req
278. Okay, go.Copy !req
279. You've got 60 seconds.Copy !req
280. Swell, swell.
Right on schedule.Copy !req
281. Hey, Mighty Monarch,
how we looking topside?Copy !req
282. Uh, everything looks great
from up here,Copy !req
283. where I am currently flying.Copy !req
284. Oh. Hmm.Copy !req
285. You don't see that every day.Copy !req
286. Oh, hi!Copy !req
287. Are, uh...
Are you one of the guysCopy !req
288. I spoke to earlier
on the, uh...Copy !req
289. Ah.Copy !req
290. - Thinking of joining?
- Hmm?Copy !req
291. I haven't
made up my mind yet.Copy !req
292. Ohh! You mean joining
the, uh orgy?Copy !req
293. Perhaps a bit
of liquid courage?Copy !req
294. Ah!
Capital idea, Jeeves.Copy !req
295. Oh, uh, is it an open bar?Copy !req
296. But of course, sir.Copy !req
297. Ah! Swell.Copy !req
298. Don't suppose you know how to
make a Red Mocho Kooler, do you?Copy !req
299. Whatever you desire.Copy !req
300. Oh!
These are amazing.Copy !req
301. Yes.Copy !req
302. The orphan sashimi
is positively decadent.Copy !req
303. I'm sorry?
Orphan...Copy !req
304. Sashimi.
Extra virgin, of course.Copy !req
305. Our chef insists on only
the very cleanest orphans.Copy !req
306. Bah, ugh!Copy !req
307. Ooh, swell party, hmm?Copy !req
308. Having a good time?Copy !req
309. Well, apparently,
I just ate part of a small childCopy !req
310. and then washed it down
with penis, so...Copy !req
311. Hey, if that's
what you're into.Copy !req
312. What? No!
Actually, I'm a little lost.Copy !req
313. Are you a member
of this, uh...Copy !req
314. Pseudo-religious
capitalist crony club?Copy !req
315. God, no.Copy !req
316. Just an anonymous
working girlCopy !req
317. here to service
the masters of the universe.Copy !req
318. Oh. Ohh.Copy !req
319. This gig was a lot easier
before they inducted the guyCopy !req
320. who invented Viagra,
I'll tell you.Copy !req
321. That's him over there next
to big oil and big tobacco.Copy !req
322. They're the ones
double-teaming Patty.Copy !req
323. Uh, do I know you?Copy !req
324. No.
You don't want to do that here.Copy !req
325. Uh, then perhaps we should
go somewhere more private.Copy !req
326. May I borrow her?Copy !req
327. Meet me by the tapestries
in 20 minutes.Copy !req
328. Presto change-o, I'm in!Copy !req
329. Good!Copy !req
330. Find the mainframe and get
that transmitter plugged in.Copy !req
331. Ooh!
Someone's coming!Copy !req
332. It's Samson!
What do I do?Copy !req
333. Dude, what?
He's not supposed to be here!Copy !req
334. Oh, good Lord.
This ain't good.Copy !req
335. Ah, that's it.
Let me at him.Copy !req
336. Hold your position, Ramburglar.Copy !req
337. You bust in before
I've hacked the system,Copy !req
338. you'll trigger
a total lockdown.Copy !req
339. Monarch, plan B.Copy !req
340. Plan B?
What... What plan B?Copy !req
341. God, did you pay, like,
no attention at the meeting?Copy !req
342. Proceed to
the Venture penthouseCopy !req
343. and create a diversionCopy !req
344. to draw Samson away
from the lab stat!Copy !req
345. - Okay!
- Uh! I'm here, I'm here.Copy !req
346. - Subway took forever.
- Oh, thank God!Copy !req
347. - You got my wings, Mr. Late?
- Yeah, yeah, here.Copy !req
348. Dude, can I use
Copycat's bathroom?Copy !req
349. Yeah, whatever. Wait.
What... What the fuck is this?Copy !req
350. It's your wings. That was
gonna be my cover story.Copy !req
351. Your cover story is
I shit myself?Copy !req
352. Hey, you make a lie
embarrassing enough,Copy !req
353. and nobody questions it.Copy !req
354. Eh, all right.Copy !req
355. Samson's going
for the teleporters.Copy !req
356. We ain't got time for this
flying fuck-up to make his move.Copy !req
357. I've got an idea.Copy !req
358. H.E.L.P.eR.
Heya, buddy.Copy !req
359. I didn't see you...
Ah, geez, did Doc paint you?Copy !req
360. Nice work, Presto.
I'm in.Copy !req
361. - H.E.L.P.eR.?
- Uh...Copy !req
362. Dot, do something!Copy !req
363. Oh, good Lord.Copy !req
364. Dottie, what in the "H"
did you do?Copy !req
365. I'm not doing that!Copy !req
366. It's some kind of
emergency evac or something!Copy !req
367. I can't stop it.Copy !req
368. Aha! I got one!Copy !req
369. Good for you, toy man.
Now you're gonna get dead.Copy !req
370. - Who needs a refill?
- Yeah!Copy !req
371. Rejiggered that
old emergency evacCopy !req
372. to send the goods
exactly where we want them.Copy !req
373. Swell hacking, Mac.Copy !req
374. Our little old decoy teamCopy !req
375. must be in a whole heap
of hot water.Copy !req
376. That was the plan, my man.Copy !req
377. Not a good time!Copy !req
378. Dude, dude, you got to abort!
Abort!Copy !req
379. Copycat has got
another heist team!Copy !req
380. You're being set up!
You're decoys!Copy !req
381. You'reCopy !req
382. You're breaking up.
Wait! What? Aah!Copy !req
383. Oh! Ah!Copy !req
384. Owie.Copy !req
385. Enh! Aah!Copy !req
386. Ow!Copy !req
387. What? No way.Copy !req
388. "The Unicorn is in Captivity
and No Longer Dead,"Copy !req
389. Late 15th century.Copy !req
390. A truly exquisite piece.Copy !req
391. And such an apt metaphor.Copy !req
392. Because, let me guess,
I'm the unicorn,Copy !req
393. and now I'm your prisoner.Copy !req
394. No, you're looking
at it all wrong.Copy !req
395. Look at that little unicorn,
the beatific smile.Copy !req
396. He's happy now.Copy !req
397. He gets to live
in a beautiful garden.Copy !req
398. Yeah, in a cage.Copy !req
399. A protective barrier.Copy !req
400. No one's hunting him anymore,Copy !req
401. nor can he hurt anyone
with that horn of his.Copy !req
402. Yeah, well,
if it's all the same to you,Copy !req
403. this little unicornCopy !req
404. would rather take his chances
in the wildernessCopy !req
405. with his sweet-ass teleporter.Copy !req
406. Oh, I'm afraid that's notCopy !req
407. one of your options,
Dr. Venture.Copy !req
408. No doubt you've read
"The Lady or the Tiger"?Copy !req
409. Well, not word for word, but...Copy !req
410. Behind door number one,
the lady.Copy !req
411. I believe you two
have already met.Copy !req
412. Give up your teleporter
and join us,Copy !req
413. and she's all yours,Copy !req
414. as is anything else
you could ever desire.Copy !req
415. Behind door number two,
meet Tiger.Copy !req
416. Tiger has desires, too.Copy !req
417. Wha... What?Copy !req
418. Please tell me
this is another metaphor.Copy !req
419. Cold, hard truth,
Dr. Venture.Copy !req
420. In this world,
it's fuck or be fucked.Copy !req
421. So which will it be?Copy !req
422. Just go, Rambo.
We got one of them.Copy !req
423. No, job was for both.Copy !req
424. You're gonna drill
this boy's kneesCopy !req
425. till he tells us
where the other one went.Copy !req
426. Oh, you are good, Monarch.Copy !req
427. Aah!Copy !req
428. Oh, dang, I'm hit!Copy !req
429. Aah! Uh, uh!Copy !req
430. - Oh, God.
- Oh, he's coming to! Grab it!Copy !req
431. I... How?Copy !req
432. Whoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
433. Ahhh.
Amateurs.Copy !req
434. I need backup.Copy !req
435. Hostiles have taken the package,
and I'm in pursuit.Copy !req
436. Come on out of there
right now, Monarch,Copy !req
437. and I promise
I'll only wound you.Copy !req
438. Just come out of there!Copy !req
439. There really is no way out!Copy !req
440. Copycat 3 to Copycat Prime,
the package is secure.Copy !req
441. Aah!Copy !req
442. How in the...?
This is just bananagans!Copy !req
443. Listen, you guys don't know me,
but you got to trust me.Copy !req
444. You guys...
What the fuck?Copy !req
445. - Dude, who the hell are you?
- I'm... I'm with the Monarch!Copy !req
446. You guys
got to get out of here!Copy !req
447. This whole thing
is a setup!Copy !req
448. - What did you do to Driver X?
- What? I didn't...Copy !req
449. There wasn't even
a guy in there.Copy !req
450. Start...
Start the truck, Chief.Copy !req
451. Samson is right on our tails.
I thinkCopy !req
452. Aah! Aaaah!Copy !req
453. You're Driver X now, fatty.Copy !req
454. Take this!
I'll slow him down!Copy !req
455. Presto change-o!Copy !req
456. Oh, stop!Copy !req
457. Stupid!Copy !req
458. Aaah!Copy !req
459. Whoa! W-T-F?Copy !req
460. Aaaaah!Copy !req
461. Geez!Copy !req
462. Copycat 3 to Copycat Base,Copy !req
463. got a big old mayday
on my hands here.Copy !req
464. Holy mackerel, the engine
is shot, literal like.Copy !req
465. Abort-a-rooney time.Copy !req
466. Well, now doesn't that
just put a turd in your soup?Copy !req
467. Come on!Copy !req
468. Aah!Copy !req
469. Aaah!Copy !req
470. - 'Sup?
- Hey.Copy !req
471. Move, move,
move, move, move, move!Copy !req
472. Ah!Copy !req
473. You were right!Copy !req
474. Oh, this is the best decision
I ever made.Copy !req
475. I'm the king of the world!Copy !req
476. Ahh.Copy !req
477. Get a nerd laid,Copy !req
478. and they think
they're masters of the universe.Copy !req
479. Ooh!Copy !req