1. Whoo!
"Grand Theft Auto: Vice City"!
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2. Flash FM!
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3. Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-bee!
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4. Will you warn me
when you're gonna "Mad Max"?
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5. I'm trying to finish
my opening speech.
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6. Didn't you finish that
like a week ago?
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7. I'm tooling it!
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8. This is history
I'm crafting here.
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9. You think I can pull
a Gettysburg
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10. and use the number "score"?
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11. Like "two score
and ten years ago"?
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12. Quinquagenary...
It's the 50th anniversary.
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13. - Quinquagenary.
- Quinga-dinga-dorko.
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14. Ha!
My little college boy.
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15. I'm so using that.
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16. Eat it, Lincoln.
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17. Watch where you bounce
that bovine, boychik.
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18. No contamination?
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19. Eh, just a little show
we're putting on
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20. to keep out the lookie-loos.
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21. - Doctor.
- General.
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22. Welcome home.
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23. "Have a whale of a summit."
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24. Amazing.
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25. Was this gala catered by
Doc McStuffins, by any chance?
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26. Oh, my!
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27. Whale-shaped sweetmeat.
How gay!
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28. What a glorious confection.
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29. Oh! Dear Lord!
This isn't cake!
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30. This is iced cream!
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31. Ice cream? Put that down!
Those are my arteries.
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32. So, I'm living
at the dorms now.
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33. Probably come home for laundry
and stuff like that.
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34. I did that when I was young.
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35. You gonna pledge
Gamma Psi Delta?
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36. Should I?
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37. Sweetie, your grandfather
and your father
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38. were both in that fraternity.
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39. You're legacy.
You're a shoo-in.
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40. Why doesn't my dad tell me stuff
like that?
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41. Besides the fact that
he's a petty little asshole?
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42. Including the fact
that he's a petty little...
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43. what you said.
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44. It was a BB gun.
I shit you not.
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45. "From Russia with Love"?
You're kidding me.
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46. - A BB gun?
- The cool one?
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47. The one that looked like
the old Princess Leia gun?
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48. Uh, yeah.
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49. It was a Walther LP53,
not a PPK.
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50. Please!
Look at the barrel!
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51. It's heartbreaking.
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52. Why would James Bond have
a BB gun?
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53. Don't take this the wrong way,
but we were all pretty shocked
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54. you accepted our request.
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55. Well, my father officiated
the first summit.
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56. Can't let the old man
show me up.
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57. So it's either me or, uh, Dean.
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58. Ow.
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59. Second bell!
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60. Well, gentlemen,
I guess I will be your undoing.
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61. I will destroy you, uh...
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62. - Snoopy.
- Yes.
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63. I will destroy you, Snoopy.
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64. You will also suffer my wrath.
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65. Third bell.
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66. So begins the second summit
of the Treaty of Tolerance.
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67. The Guild
of Calamitous Intent Council,
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68. the O.S.I. Aggression Envoy,
both endowed by jus tractatum,
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69. have gathered here
at the quinquagenary
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70. of the signing
of the Treaty of Tolerance.
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71. Determined to ratify
the lawful foundations
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72. of right and proper hostility
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73. among the peoples
of organized aggression...
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74. Ooh! Well, I've heard this
speech about a hundred times.
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75. I'm gonna go look
around the compound.
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76. conditions
of their constituents.
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77. Come with me, please.
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78. W... Uh... okay.
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79. resolved by thus
pooling their resources
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80. to preserve the prosperity
of professional antagonism,
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81. have created
this Animosity Coalition
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82. and to this end have designated
as their plenipotentiaries
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83. for the Guild Council,
Phantom Limb.
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84. Victor at the Battle
of Cremation Creek.
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85. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch.
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86. Defender of the Guild,
Vanquisher of the Sovereign.
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87. Red Mantle.
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88. Author of the Articles
of Treachery.
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89. That's me!
All three volumes.
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90. Dragoon.
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91. Overseer at the execution
of the Iron Infidels.
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92. Hmm?
I don't recall that happening.
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93. And for the O.S.I. Aggres...
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94. I probably should've practiced.
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95. For the O.S.I. Aggression Envoy,
General Hunter Gathers.
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96. Collector of antique pipes
and overall badass.
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97. Special Agent Brock Samson.
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98. Slayer of henchmen
par excellence.
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99. Corporal... Snoopy?
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100. Owner of a Toyota Camry
in stunning blizzard pearl.
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101. And of course, Shore Leave.
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102. With a body like Arnold
and a Denzel face.
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103. I have this plastic dome
on my head
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104. with tubes coming out of it.
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105. - Can't help you, buddy.
- No need.
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106. The modifications to my brain
function as they... Okay. Bye.
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107. I have this plastic dome
on my head
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108. with tubes coming out of it.
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109. Oh, that's nasty.
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110. It's beautiful.
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111. Agent Kimberly McManus.
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112. Guild Stranger S-464.
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113. Shall we... patrol the compound?
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114. Forever, Agent Kimberly McManus.
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115. Seriously, sir,
I'm Hank Venture.
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116. I used to live here.
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117. My dad is the bald dude
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118. dressed like the Colonel Chicken
Restaurant guy.
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119. - So could you just...
- Shut it, civilian.
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120. You're going to prison where you
have to get tattoos of Thor
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121. or you're gonna be treated
like a blow-up doll.
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122. Dermott?
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123. Fictel, private second class,
sir!
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124. Skin it, pin it,
see you in a minute.
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125. Bring it high, bring it low,
bring it down to my toe.
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126. Slap the back, sneak attack,
just don't ever hit my sac.
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127. Hello?
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128. I saw that the lights were on,
so I thought I'd stop by.
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129. Hello?
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130. H.E.L.P.eR.?
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131. Correct.
You must be Dr. Venture's son.
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132. I've heard so much about you.
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133. Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
Decorum, please!
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134. Gentlemen!
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135. You are kidding!
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136. How many times
are you gonna say that?
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137. Oh, you know what I...
I just... I-I...
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138. I meant "gentlepeople"
or something.
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139. You're pissing on my leg
and telling me it's raining!
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140. Just one agent dispatched
to a Level Five engagement?
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141. - One?
- One agent is plenty.
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142. We're talking a Level Five.
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143. That's like a guy
called Mr. Cold
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144. with his snow-cone-maker
on high.
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145. You're afraid of a Level Five?
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146. One agent is too many, honestly.
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147. You're kicking me in the balls
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148. and telling me
that my undies are too tight!
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149. Any O.S.I. intervention implies
that a truckload of shit
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150. is in a very large van!
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151. 1989...
Dr. Deep versus Furious Red.
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152. One city block leveled,
two civilian deaths,
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153. and four photos sent
to the tabloids.
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154. That, gentlemen,
was a Level Five arching.
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155. But Dr. Deep leveled the block
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156. with an unregistered
pulse cannon.
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157. Dr. Deep is a protagonist.
He's your boy.
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158. The antagonist, Furious Red,
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159. had his rib cage shattered
by that stupid cannon.
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160. Died a week later.
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161. Ugh.
You're missing the point.
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162. That bloodbath was
a Level Five arching.
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163. With Level Eight weaponry
by your affiliate
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164. that you refuse to oversee!
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165. Uh, have a seat,
Council... person.
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166. We'll go over supervision
of membership conduct soon.
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167. Let's keep on topic.
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168. One agent dispatched,
two Level Five failures.
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169. It's a gift.
Take it.
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170. You're throwing up in my hair
and telling me it's shampoo!
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171. It's no deal!
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172. One.
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173. You're shoving your hand
up my ass
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174. and telling me
you're Jim Henson.
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175. We want two agents.
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176. Long ago,
in a time before earbuds,
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177. during the age of the landlines
and personal checks,
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178. there was a great man.
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179. So enormous was his love
for the convenience of mankind
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180. that he gave them a H.E.L.P.eR.
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181. The world thanked this man
with money.
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182. Mankind was finally free of
the burden of helping themselves
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183. and could pursue
loftier aspirations,
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184. like trying to be
more attractive,
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185. enjoying liquors,
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186. and having
adult birthday parties.
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187. Also, sleeping late
was appreciated.
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188. All was reasonable...
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189. till the day man turned
on his electronic slaves.
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190. All of the H.E.L.P.eR.s
were destroyed
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191. and never spoken of again...
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192. forgotten like so many
Tamagotchi pets.
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193. Only I survived
the great recalling.
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194. I was rescued by Master Ben,
who gave me a purpose, a voice,
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195. and also a super-great
personality.
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196. I was his assistant
until the day he flew away.
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197. What?
Ben died?
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198. No. He took an airplane to shred
the heavies at Papatowai.
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199. Why didn't you go with him?
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200. To New Zealand?
I don't belong there.
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201. I'm an abomination.
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202. I will never leave this place.
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203. Would you like to use
the bathroom?
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204. Why do you say that?
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205. Because humans make piddles
and poopers.
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206. Would you like some Thin Mints
or comfortable sweatpants?
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207. No.
The "never leave" part.
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208. Wait.
Why would I want that?
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209. Because they are the most
popular Girl Scout cookie.
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210. No, but... but why would you...
Wait. Hold on. Sweatpants?
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211. Because I can heat them up
in the dryer
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212. to slightly above
your body temperature.
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213. Being that you're warm-blooded,
it's a real treat.
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214. Okay. Yeah.
I'll take the hot pants.
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215. The face... off limits.
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216. This is what brings all the boys
to the yard.
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217. W... I-I can't find
anything about this
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218. in the original treaty.
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219. He insulted my bloodline.
This is my right.
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220. To be fair...
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221. and I'm being as delicate
as a flower petal...
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222. your grandfather did have
rather singular tastes.
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223. I have 44 seconds on the clock.
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224. If I hear a bone break
or something, I don't care.
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225. It's over when I call "time."
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226. This is nuts!
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227. This can't be sanctioned.
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228. It is our way!
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229. My dear boy, it was your father
who invented this tradition.
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230. Of course, you had
a swimming pool back then,
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231. but it's basically
the same thing.
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232. So begins the pool battle!
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233. Gentlemen... fight!
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234. Still, you got
no military training.
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235. I-I'm just saying.
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236. Yeah, but I've got a black belt
in ninjutsu, dingus!
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237. Whoa!
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238. A black belt
from Sensei Rosenberg
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239. at the community rec center
got you into elite forces?
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240. Yeah, that and a relative
kind of put in a good word
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241. if I don't admit we're related.
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242. - Who, your dad?
- Why would you say that?
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243. 'Cause you said your dad was
in black ops when we first met.
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244. Yeah, yeah.
That guy... obviously.
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245. King of the Super Jacket Crag!
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246. Yeah, but I-I kept slipping
on the raincoats!
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247. Dude, hide!
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248. What shoe?
I-I don't even see a shoe.
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249. Whoa!
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250. Your robot friend is beautiful.
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251. He can't talk.
He just beeps.
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252. Sometimes you can kind of tell
what he's beeping,
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253. but mostly it's like talking
to a microwave.
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254. He was the prototype,
so he's smart.
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255. The production models
were more like Speak & Spells...
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256. simple machines.
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257. But you're... You can talk.
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258. Master Ben didn't just modify
my electronics.
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259. He combined them with organics.
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260. I'm not a robot,
and I'm not a man.
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261. I am, in a way, like you.
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262. You are?
H-How do you figure that?
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263. Wait. I...
Oh!
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264. Wow. I-I thought by now
you would've been told.
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265. Oh, geesh.
You look dazed!
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266. The last 15 seconds
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267. have just been a figment
of your human mind.
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268. So flawed and prone to fantasy.
You're hallucinating!
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269. H-How many claws
am I holding up?
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270. Do you mean the clone thing?
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271. Wait! Y-Yeah.
So you do know?
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272. Yeah. Ben told me.
But I'm a clone of me.
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273. You're something... new.
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274. Yet we were both made
by great men
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275. who were compelled by love
and guilt.
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276. We are second chances.
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277. Yeah.
I guess so.
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278. Would you like a stick of gum
to make your mouth minty
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279. without providing nutrients?
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280. The summit is doomed.
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281. Soon we will unleash
our dastardly plan
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282. upon the Guild and the O.S.I.
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283. We will control
everyone's brain.
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284. Nothing can stop us.
There's no hero strong enough.
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285. None that we know of, at least.
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286. Well, let me introduce myself.
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287. Hank's the name.
Venture's the game!
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288. It's also the name.
Bass solo!
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289. That's a hot lick!
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290. Kee-ya-ooo!
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291. Saleenathor, let me ride
upon your magic back!
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292. Kee-ya-ooo!
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293. Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!
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294. Hank, we'll be late
for the charity ball!
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295. I'll have to meet you there,
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296. forever 19-year-old
Dominique Dawes.
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297. I've got to ride a dragon
into a pile of danger!
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298. Yah!
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299. Thank you, woodland friends!
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300. Yah! Ooh!
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301. Dude, that is mental.
What's up with the Afro?
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302. I didn't mean
a straight-up disco Afro.
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303. I meant that full, wavy hair,
like He-Man.
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304. Oh, yeah.
That's way better.
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305. What are they doing now?
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306. They're still making out.
No. Wait. Dude!
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307. He's going for second base.
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308. Let me see that.
Oh! Yep.
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309. Under the bulletproof vest,
over the sports bra.
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310. I'm saying it counts.
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311. That's O.S.I.
- issued bra stuff. They're super-complicated.
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312. He's got to say "good enough"
and move on.
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313. And that counts as second base.
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314. She's going in for third base.
The belt is coming off!
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315. Or is that lady second base?
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316. It's third.
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317. Anything she does in the
groinal area is third, Hank.
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318. - Gimme.
- Then what's lady second base?
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319. I never thought about that.
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320. Why do you have
pee-pee on your belt? Huh?
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321. Can you explain that?
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322. That was awesome!
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323. Mad scientists!
They're mad!
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324. They're antagonists!
Mad. Scientists.
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325. Your problem, registered or not.
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326. They're not angry scientists.
They're mentally ill scientists.
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327. Why are they automatically
our problem when they're mad?
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328. Aren't they all a little nuts?
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329. Scientists invented cellphones,
ziplocks,
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330. and every cool thing you own,
thank you.
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331. Let's stay on topic!
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332. Mad scientists...
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333. scientists that have gone
over the deep end.
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334. How can anybody call them
good guys?
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335. "Good guys"?
Did you just say that?
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336. Are we using "good guys"
and "bad guys" now?
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337. Yeah!
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338. Let's stop dancing around and
acting all politically correct.
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339. We're talking good guys and
bad guys, and we all know it.
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340. That's how you see us?
Bad guys?
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341. How dare you!
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342. I dare pretty easily.
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343. You want me to pop your
other arm out of its socket?
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344. That jacket will fit better.
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345. Any time you'd like, Samson.
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346. Are you staring us down, sir?
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347. No. I'm smizing at you.
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348. I'm smizing TyTy-style.
Want to make something of it?
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349. Want to fight me for my golden
fleece, you fuckin' Hydra?
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350. Oh, it's go time!
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351. Oh, he's going to open up a can
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352. of very old whoop-ass!
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353. What was that sound?
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354. That!
What was that?
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355. That's just your feet.
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356. Oh, this was a bad idea.
I can't do this.
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357. These woods could be crawling
with religious fundamentalists,
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358. ready to stone me to death
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359. because I'm not mentioned in
whatever book they quote from.
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360. There's nobody here.
You're perfectly safe.
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361. Just come on.
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362. Please.
I've changed my mind.
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363. I've changed my half-mechanical,
half-meat mind.
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364. I don't want to leave!
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365. There is a whole world out there
beyond Ben's house.
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366. The great recalling is over.
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367. So let's bring on
the witch hunt?
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368. Oh, screw this noise!
I'm going home.
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369. No!
Just no!
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370. Not with that belt.
It's over.
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371. I will comply with your demands.
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372. "Comply"?
You'll comply?
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373. How can you be so cold?
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374. My amygdala has been rerouted
through my cerebral cortex.
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375. You could kill my dog
and I wouldn't get upset.
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376. But don't.
Bailey is a good boy.
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377. How could you?
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378. You ruined everything
with that pee-pee belt!
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379. Please, Agent Kimberly McManus,
will you let me explain?
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380. Oh, yeah? How?
How?
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381. Do you have a pamphlet
or something for me to read?
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382. I can't believe
they're still on this.
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383. Why can't she just grasp how
unpredictable our plumbing is?
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384. I don't know, man.
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385. What if you were
about to slide into third
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386. and the base was all hosed down?
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387. You'd freak, too.
She's got a point.
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388. So what are we gonna do?
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389. I don't think
they're terrorists,
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390. but I am O.S.I., so, you know...
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391. I don't know
about O.S.I. protocol,
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392. but I say we deal with this
like we used to back in the day.
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393. Sniper rifles?
One to the brain?
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394. What?
No, psycho!
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395. We go tattle on 'em.
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396. You're a man.
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397. It doesn't matter that
you were made in a test tube.
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398. I'm a...
this... an abomination.
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399. No, no. In a good way.
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400. I don't have to think about
souls and gods.
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401. I don't have to worry
about where I go when I die.
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402. I'm cool.
Just... Just go.
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403. Don't worry about me.
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404. It's, like, sad.
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405. Like you gave up, like you have
nothing to live for.
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406. No, I have nothing to die for.
I have everything to live for.
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407. I love my life here.
I love Ben and our experiments.
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408. And we just got Netflix,
so I have "Skins,"
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409. that old show where British kids
have sex and take drugs.
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410. It's spectacular.
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411. You're really sure?
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412. Well, perhaps "spectacular"
is an overassessment.
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413. Okay. Fine.
I-I got to go.
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414. But just please tell me you know
what I meant.
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415. I know what you meant,
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416. but please tell me
you'll give "Skins" a go.
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417. I will.
Goodbye, H.E.L.P.eR. Model 2!
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418. Goodbye, Rusty Venture.
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419. Rusty?
Wait. You thought I was...
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420. Ok... Wow.
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421. Okay.
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422. So we scrap it?
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423. Well, if they won't listen
and be fair,
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424. I see no reason to continue.
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425. It's not entirely us.
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426. We tried to listen,
and they threw pens at me!
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427. I threw a pen at you.
That was one pen.
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428. How would you like it
if I threw a pen at you?
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429. - Ooh!
- You like that?
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430. Nice throw, Sandy Koufax.
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431. Hey, want me to try?
Won't be a pen.
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432. Oh! Oh! Oh! See that?
That's what I mean!
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433. They overreact to everything,
see?
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434. I get it.
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435. I suddenly get it.
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436. You're children.
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437. That's why my dad put you in the
pool and made you duke it out.
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438. News flash...
My dad was a shitty parent.
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439. When my boys cry about fairness,
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440. I remind them that fairness is
the philosophical tooth fairy.
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441. There is no fairness.
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442. - What'd you guys come here...
- Um...
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443. Fine!
Not "guys"!
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444. What did you children
come here for?
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445. Look, you won't get everything,
but you'll get something.
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446. Stop with this "fairness" crap
and make some compromises.
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447. Then go home to your friends
in their goofy costumes
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448. and brag about how much
you got 'em!
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449. Or you can go back and go, "Oh!
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450. We didn't get everything
we wanted,
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451. so we got nothing
because we're big babies!"
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452. What's it gonna be?
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453. Fine.
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454. O.S.I., are you gonna play nice
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455. and actually get
this stupid thing signed?
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456. All right.
I guess.
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457. Good. Now look over my changes
and sign it.
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458. It's as fair as it'll get.
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459. And trust me...
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460. It's way better
than my dad's version.
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461. So begins the signing
of the new Treaty of Tolerance!
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462. I swear I will practice more
if we ever do this again.
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463. Well, we'll look into that.
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464. Could've lived
without all that pee-pee talk,
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465. but I'm glad you brought this
to us.
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466. What's your name, soldier?
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467. Private Fictel, sir!
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468. You keep it up, son.
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469. Private, did, uh, you catch
that Guild operative's name?
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470. S-464, sir ma'am, sir!
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471. Spot-on diplomacy.
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472. I never would've guessed.
Just spot-on.
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473. Truly, sir, just a bang-up job.
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474. Thank you.
Uh, is he okay?
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475. Oh, he's fine.
It's well past his bedtime.
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476. The only problem is
when he's asleep,
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477. the whole right side of my body
tingles.
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478. Dean!
There you are.
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479. So, what was it like
watching your father kick ass?
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480. Right?
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481. Little bit of hero worship?
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482. Hard to look at your old man
the same, I bet.
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483. You hit the nail on the head
there.
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484. Unfortunately,
I kind of missed the summit,
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485. but I found out
how similar we are
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486. and that your dad may have been
a worse father than you.
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487. Wait. I thought you said
you missed the summit.
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488. I love you, Pop.
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489. Why are you wearing sweatpants?
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490. We have to put a tail on S-464.
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491. Oh, give him a break.
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492. Just a kid in love
with the wrong person.
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493. Limb, he had "PP" on his belt.
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494. It happens!
Even I do it!
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495. Sometimes you think you've got
it all out, and...
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496. No! Really?
Why would they fight over that?
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497. No, he had "PP" on his belt.
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498. The letters... "P" and "P."
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499. All members
of the Peril Partnership
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500. wear a belt buckle
with two P's on it.
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501. Hello?
We have a mole.
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502. Ooh!
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