1. Venture!Copy !req
2. My God.
There she is.Copy !req
3. Something spooked Swifty
real bad, Dr. V.Copy !req
4. I got a bad feeling
about this.Copy !req
5. Nonsense, Hector.
He's probably just dehydrated.Copy !req
6. Maybe, but that thing looks
kind of super evil, man.Copy !req
7. Hmm, well,
I'm no Robert Langdon,Copy !req
8. but that ugly customer
probably has something to doCopy !req
9. with the so-called
"cursed temple"Copy !req
10. the locals
were babbling about.Copy !req
11. Thankfully,
as modern men of science,Copy !req
12. we're intellectually immune
to such superstitious hokum.Copy !req
13. Well, now, this is interesting.Copy !req
14. Amazingly well preserved.Copy !req
15. It's a miracle
it's survived in one piece.Copy !req
16. I know the perfect place for it.Copy !req
17. Miraculously surviving
the blistering reentryCopy !req
18. and crash of the Gargantua-1,Copy !req
19. it stands here today
as a fitting tributeCopy !req
20. to the ingenuity
of Dr. Jonas Venture Sr.Copy !req
21. - Oh, boy!
- Wow!Copy !req
22. And moving along,
if you will step over this way,Copy !req
23. you'll see the space suit
worn by Colonel Lloyd Venture.Copy !req
24. What? That's right!Copy !req
25. The real first moon landing
happened in 19-aught-2.Copy !req
26. Good morning, me!Copy !req
27. It's 7:00 a.m.Copy !req
28. Time to get up
and start that day!Copy !req
29. Eh.Copy !req
30. Good morning, me!Copy !req
31. It's 7:00 a.m.Copy !req
32. Time to get up
and start that day!Copy !req
33. Oh, no.Copy !req
34. Not again.Copy !req
35. What the f...Copy !req
36. Aah!Copy !req
37. Ehh.
Come on, come on.Copy !req
38. Ah, God damn it!
Huh?Copy !req
39. You killed us all!Copy !req
40. H.E.L.P.eR.Copy !req
41. Hey, buddy.
You get spooked, too?Copy !req
42. Aah!Copy !req
43. "Rusty Venture,"
brought to you by...Copy !req
44. Ahh.Copy !req
45. - Good morning, me!
- Gah!Copy !req
46. - It's 7:00 a.m.
- Leave me alone already!Copy !req
47. Time to get up
and start that day!Copy !req
48. Aah!Copy !req
49. Aah!Copy !req
50. Ah! Is everyone okay?
Wha...Copy !req
51. Where's Hank?Copy !req
52. Oh, my God.
Are you okay?Copy !req
53. I'm... I-I-I'm fine.Copy !req
54. Someone must have
walked over my grave.Copy !req
55. Whoo!Copy !req
56. So that was better.Copy !req
57. I almost got your shirt off
that time.Copy !req
58. Yeah. I tried concentrating
on "Walking Dead" zombies,Copy !req
59. but then Michonne showed up.Copy !req
60. Hey, Sirena!Copy !req
61. Sirena, what are you
doing in there?Copy !req
62. Landed on my joystick.Copy !req
63. Hey, Usain Bolt.
No kiss good night?Copy !req
64. Oh! Sorry.Copy !req
65. Hey, you got a boy
in there, Sirena?Copy !req
66. Now, get out of here
before Rocco sees you.Copy !req
67. What?
I'm trying to do my yoga!Copy !req
68. In your
Victoria's Secret bra?Copy !req
69. 'Cause usually you wear,
like, a sports...Copy !req
70. you know, like, the Free People.Copy !req
71. Oh, my God.Copy !req
72. What, have you been going
through my underwear drawers?Copy !req
73. Race-back. That's what
they call it, right?Copy !req
74. Ugh, don't even.
Just get out of my way.Copy !req
75. I'ma take a shower right nowCopy !req
76. to wash your fucking skeeve
off of me.Copy !req
77. Maybe you've had
enough coffee?Copy !req
78. Maybe we should
call Dr. Orpheus.Copy !req
79. - Dean, don't start this again.
- We got to do something.Copy !req
80. It's getting worse, Doc.
Every night this week.Copy !req
81. Ah!Copy !req
82. - Our house is haunted!
- Oh, don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
83. This is a brand-new building.Copy !req
84. It's obviously
a computer glitch.Copy !req
85. Or is it the ghost
of Uncle J.J.?Copy !req
86. You said yourself
he appeared to you.Copy !req
87. His talking alarm clock
appeared to me.Copy !req
88. By your logic,
Clippy the Paperclip haunts meCopy !req
89. every time
I try to write a letter.Copy !req
90. How do you explain
the weird voices,Copy !req
91. the slamming doors,
the cold spots?Copy !req
92. Integrated sound system,
automated doors,Copy !req
93. central air,
all computer-controlled.Copy !req
94. Someone or something wrote
on my stomach from the inside!Copy !req
95. Residual nanobots.Copy !req
96. Or maybe your stomach
is begging youCopy !req
97. to stop
this vegetarian nonsense.Copy !req
98. Come on.
Eat a bacon, Dean.Copy !req
99. No!
You're not taking this serious!Copy !req
100. Just one bacon,
that's all I ask.Copy !req
101. - No!
- I'll take it.Copy !req
102. And why isn't Hank
being haunted?Copy !req
103. 'Cause I'm a good person?Copy !req
104. Because nobody's
being haunted!Copy !req
105. It's a computer glitch.
Ugh!Copy !req
106. In fact, I'm going downstairs
to have it outCopy !req
107. with my I.T. guy right now.Copy !req
108. Yeah, I came in late.
Have you guys ruled outCopy !req
109. "old lighthouse keeper
in a rubber mask" yet?Copy !req
110. - Haunted?
- That's what they think, yeah.Copy !req
111. I live with children.Copy !req
112. I got to admit, it does getCopy !req
113. kind of creepy
down here late at night.Copy !req
114. Don't you start now.Copy !req
115. The system was fineCopy !req
116. until this one started
upgrading everything.Copy !req
117. One Flash plug-in.Copy !req
118. You're the one who just
had to see that cat video.Copy !req
119. And it was hilarious!Copy !req
120. Now, have you finished hacking
into the mainframe or whatever?Copy !req
121. Yeah!Copy !req
122. Acid Burn and Zero CoolCopy !req
123. helped me
bypass the encryption.Copy !req
124. This one.
All right.Copy !req
125. I got the code up here now,
and, uh... ah, well.Copy !req
126. Huh.
Well, this is weird.Copy !req
127. What is it, a virus?Copy !req
128. Maybe. I...
It's hard to tell.Copy !req
129. This computer's speaking
in tongues or something.Copy !req
130. It's like a digital patois
of DOS, Pascal, FORTRAN.Copy !req
131. Ugh! There's that
goddamn song again.Copy !req
132. I know this song.
"Street Life" by the Crusaders.Copy !req
133. It's on the "Sharky's Machine"
soundtrack.Copy !req
134. Super.
Just delete it, will you?Copy !req
135. I heard enough of this
last night.Copy !req
136. Rust, this song isn't in
your music library.Copy !req
137. Now, how can you be sure?Copy !req
138. There's like 20,000 songs
in there.Copy !req
139. I was a college deejay.Copy !req
140. This ain't no glitch, Rust.
You are being hacked.Copy !req
141. - What? By who?
- I don't know. The Russians?Copy !req
142. How about that
Blue Morpho character?Copy !req
143. Yeah,
I think we can rule him out.Copy !req
144. Yeah, well, whoever's
lurking in this system,Copy !req
145. Professor Pete's patented
pink pilgrim cyber-snooperCopy !req
146. will root him out
and shut him down.Copy !req
147. Sorry, am I supposed
to be impressedCopy !req
148. by your little pink dongle?Copy !req
149. Oh!
You will be, pally.Copy !req
150. It, uh, takes a while to load.Copy !req
151. Y... I don't know.
Maybe go get lunch?Copy !req
152. Hey, Vincenzo. Got all
the lunch deliveries made.Copy !req
153. Just let me wash up, and I'll
help you out with the dough.Copy !req
154. - You mind explaining this?
- There's my hat!Copy !req
155. Geez, I must have forgot.Copy !req
156. How many times I tell you,Copy !req
157. when-a you on a delivery,
you represent-a Vincenzo's!Copy !req
158. You wear the hat!Copy !req
159. Sorry, sir.
It won't happen again.Copy !req
160. No, it won't because-a
you fired, Hank Venture!Copy !req
161. What?Copy !req
162. Just turn in-a
your polo shirt and go!Copy !req
163. You a good boy.
Very good worker.Copy !req
164. But you no can
work here no more.Copy !req
165. Vincenzo, w-why are
you doing this?Copy !req
166. The sign out front,
she may say "Vincenzo,"Copy !req
167. but Vincenzo, he no the boss.Copy !req
168. Capisce?Copy !req
169. La Mano Orca.Copy !req
170. Yeah, Vincenzo.
I "ca-pish."Copy !req
171. Evil!
Pure evil!Copy !req
172. First he locks up my girlfriend,
then he takes my job,Copy !req
173. then he vandalizesCopy !req
174. my hover-tronic
means of personal conveyance!Copy !req
175. He's destroying my life!Copy !req
176. Hey, there, uh, slugger.Copy !req
177. Who's put the angry little bee
in your bonnet?Copy !req
178. Wide Wale.Copy !req
179. Wide Wa...
He's not supposed to...Copy !req
180. I'm dating his daughter.Copy !req
181. Whoa-ho!
Dating the enemy's daughter?Copy !req
182. It's like Romeo and Juliet.
Or me and Princess Tiny Feet.Copy !req
183. See, her dad was this
Native American crime fighter,Copy !req
184. name of Chief Justice.Copy !req
185. He just about
went on the warpathCopy !req
186. when I proposed
to his little squaw.Copy !req
187. Golly.
What'd you do?Copy !req
188. I marched right up
to his titanium tepeeCopy !req
189. with one of my famous baskets
of howdy-do.Copy !req
190. - And that worked?
- No! He shot me on the spot.Copy !req
191. You know what I did?
I shot him right back.Copy !req
192. Uh...Copy !req
193. - A-Are they here yet?
- Who? The ghosts?Copy !req
194. Hear me, Ventures!Copy !req
195. See me!Copy !req
196. Never fear!
The Order of the Triad is here!Copy !req
197. Uh, almost.Copy !req
198. New York,
just like I pictured it...Copy !req
199. skyscrapers and everything.Copy !req
200. Damn, my blood eye
had its freak onCopy !req
201. since we hit Jersey.Copy !req
202. Town must be crawling
with blaculas.Copy !req
203. You sure it ain't
just allergies?Copy !req
204. I packed the Claritin.Copy !req
205. What you got,
the regular or the D?Copy !req
206. - D.
- Aw, no way, man.Copy !req
207. Can't do the D.
Gives me the jimjams.Copy !req
208. Da! What the fuck!Copy !req
209. Language, tadpole!Copy !req
210. Fine, why the shit are your
goons welding my windows shut?Copy !req
211. What am I,
your prisoner now?Copy !req
212. It ain't like that,
sweetheart.Copy !req
213. I'm just trying
to keep you safe.Copy !req
214. Ugh! From who? Hank?
He's a nice boy, Pop.Copy !req
215. He's an outsider!
Figlio del nemico.Copy !req
216. He ain't family.Copy !req
217. So, what, I'm supposed
to date my family?Copy !req
218. Okay, Dad.Copy !req
219. I'll hook up with cousin
Salvatore with the lazy eye.Copy !req
220. We'll pop out a bunch
of flipper babies.Copy !req
221. This is why I barred
your windows.Copy !req
222. This Blue Morpho,
he don't play by the rules.Copy !req
223. I can't risk nothing
happening to you.Copy !req
224. Hey, Hank.
What are you doing?Copy !req
225. N-Nothing.
What are you doing?Copy !req
226. Nothing.Copy !req
227. Thank you for coming
on such short notice.Copy !req
228. My apologies for appearing
in my astral form,Copy !req
229. but the Triad and I
are currently ensconcedCopy !req
230. in bumper-upon-bumper trafficCopy !req
231. on your
Franklin Delano Roosevelt Drive.Copy !req
232. Is Mr. Samson
not joining us?Copy !req
233. He refuses to sleep in here.
That's how serious this is.Copy !req
234. It's scare-a-Brock spooky.Copy !req
235. Oh, great.
You called him.Copy !req
236. But I had to.
You wouldn't listen.Copy !req
237. You just kept
mansplaining it away.Copy !req
238. I was science-splaining.Copy !req
239. And I told you,
it's a computer glitch.Copy !req
240. We don't need a "magic man."Copy !req
241. Dr. Byron Orpheus!Copy !req
242. Master metaphysician,Copy !req
243. president and founder
of the Order of the Triad.Copy !req
244. Yes.
Hello, Orpheus.Copy !req
245. - I know you.
- Oh, do you?Copy !req
246. Seven unaccepted friend requests
would suggest otherwise.Copy !req
247. Never said I was your friend.Copy !req
248. You are indeed, and despite
your cheeky nonchalance,Copy !req
249. a friend in need.Copy !req
250. Your boy, here, has apprised me
of your supernatural quandary.Copy !req
251. Oh, damn!
They got a pool!Copy !req
252. Sweet!
I packed my trunks.Copy !req
253. Eh, you must forgive the boyish
exuberance of my compeers.Copy !req
254. Since the fire which consumed
your former compound,Copy !req
255. the Triad have been
temporarily headquarteredCopy !req
256. in the comparatively
modest lodgingsCopy !req
257. of the Rancho Feo Motor Hotel.Copy !req
258. - That shithole out on I-25?
- The same.Copy !req
259. You, however, have done quite
well for yourself, Mr. Venture.Copy !req
260. Heated! It's heated!Copy !req
261. But I fear your success
comes at a spiritual price.Copy !req
262. Since the moment I arrived,
my extrasensory, um, sensesCopy !req
263. have been acutely aware
of an unseen presence.Copy !req
264. Mr. Venture,
your home is possessed!Copy !req
265. Boy, hacker moviesCopy !req
266. always make this seem
way more exciting.Copy !req
267. Yeah, without
the dramatic close-upsCopy !req
268. and, like,
a booming techno score,Copy !req
269. real-life hacking
is just typing.Copy !req
270. Throw me a bone, dude.
All right.Copy !req
271. Just turn to be dramatically
and say, "We're in."Copy !req
272. We're in.Copy !req
273. Yes! Boom.Copy !req
274. - Oh!
- Oh! What the...Copy !req
275. Ooh.
How's that for exciting, huh?Copy !req
276. Screw this!
I'm out of here.Copy !req
277. Wait a minute.Copy !req
278. Rusty said we had to stay here
until this is fixed.Copy !req
279. Uh, you're the computer expert.
You stay.Copy !req
280. This neurogeneticist
is going the hell home.Copy !req
281. All right. Looks like it's just
you and me, little pink pally.Copy !req
282. Time to find out what you know.Copy !req
283. Oh, you got to
be kidding me.Copy !req
284. Greetings.
We got off on the wrong foot.Copy !req
285. Allow me
to introduce myself.Copy !req
286. My name is Hank Venture.Copy !req
287. I seek an audience with
the great and powerful Wide WaleCopy !req
288. to bargain
for his daughter's hand.Copy !req
289. As a token of my goodwill,Copy !req
290. I present to you a gift...
this artisanal pizza.Copy !req
291. Kid, you really don't know
how to take a hint,Copy !req
292. so, uh, let me spell it out
for you, Hank Venture.Copy !req
293. You so much as even look
at Sirena again,Copy !req
294. you'll lose more
than your job, hotpants.Copy !req
295. 50,000 volts
straight to your braciole.Copy !req
296. Zap. Nothing but taint
left down there.Copy !req
297. My mistake.
D-Don't worry.Copy !req
298. You won't be seeing
Hank Venture again.Copy !req
299. Oh, I ain't worried, peaches.Copy !req
300. Light of the ancients.Copy !req
301. Light which is white.Copy !req
302. Light of all knowing.Copy !req
303. Reveal the unseen
in the shadows of night!Copy !req
304. Great, does this make us all
Green Lanterns now?Copy !req
305. The Spell of Revelation
compels the demonic presenceCopy !req
306. to become visible,
that we may do battle with it.Copy !req
307. See, this is why I didn't
want Dean to call you,Copy !req
308. this kind of crap right here.Copy !req
309. Did you have to get paint
all over my nice marble?Copy !req
310. The circle's
for your protection.Copy !req
311. You don't want to do this
without a circle.Copy !req
312. There was already
a huge circle here!Copy !req
313. Wasn't magic.Copy !req
314. Can we please focus, gentlemen?Copy !req
315. The demon will try to useCopy !req
316. your thoughts and desires
against you.Copy !req
317. All of you, clear your minds.Copy !req
318. Al, stop thinking
about that robot.Copy !req
319. I can't help it.
He's nutsy.Copy !req
320. Hey, O,
demon ain't gonna bring upCopy !req
321. what happened to my mama,
is it?Copy !req
322. Well, it will now.Copy !req
323. Yo, demon, no mamas!Copy !req
324. Okay.
Those are new.Copy !req
325. You're making this worse now!Copy !req
326. Easy, girl! Easy!Copy !req
327. Uncle Kano's our guest.Copy !req
328. You know Kano.
It's Kano.Copy !req
329. Oh, goodness. I don't know
what's gotten into Mischa today.Copy !req
330. Racist!
Racist dog right there.Copy !req
331. Should have seen her haul off
on the Con Ed guy yesterday.Copy !req
332. Oh, it's just
her eyesight's going.Copy !req
333. - She's got the cataracts.
- Hot spots and the mange.Copy !req
334. You should just
put her down already, Horace.Copy !req
335. Put you down.Copy !req
336. This old gal's still got
a lot of fight in her.Copy !req
337. Don't you, girl? Don't you?
Oh! Thieving black terror!Copy !req
338. Go on, then!
Have your prize!Copy !req
339. Don't come crying to me
when you have the trots!Copy !req
340. I'm home! Please tell me
you're all decent this time.Copy !req
341. Eh, pull up a chair, laddie.
Wee bit of dim sum left.Copy !req
342. Or you're welcome to fight
Mischa for the last rib.Copy !req
343. Say, uh, where's yourCopy !req
344. pigmentally challenged
better half?Copy !req
345. Ah, Rusty made him stay late
to fix the computer.Copy !req
346. Thinks we have
a hacker or something.Copy !req
347. The screen just
totally went nutsCopy !req
348. and started blasting the theme
from "Sharky's Machine."Copy !req
349. Oh, my.
What is it, Rodney?Copy !req
350. Boys looks like
you've seen a ghost.Copy !req
351. Oh, no. It's nothing
like that, Rose. It's just...Copy !req
352. - Dude!
- She'll be fine in an hour.Copy !req
353. Rodney, fetch us an Uber.Copy !req
354. Now tell me, how long
has Rusty had the PROBLEM?Copy !req
355. Shoo!Copy !req
356. Hey, Al,
what are they saying?Copy !req
357. Uh, "mask" something...
"gold mask"?Copy !req
358. They... They want
their mask back.Copy !req
359. Tell them they can have it.
It's right up there.Copy !req
360. That is most definitely
not a tumbaga mask.Copy !req
361. What is that?Copy !req
362. Uh, I made it in art class.Copy !req
363. Who told you
you could take art?Copy !req
364. God, is that Scamp 1?Copy !req
365. Aww!Copy !req
366. Launched aboard the VenStar 1
lunar probe in 1966,Copy !req
367. Scamp 1 was the first dog
to die on the moon.Copy !req
368. Aw.Copy !req
369. You locked all the doors!Copy !req
370. Holy hat factory!Copy !req
371. It's the victims of
the great Venture millinery fireCopy !req
372. of 19-aught-7!Copy !req
373. The deadly blaze
began in the atticCopy !req
374. when a dumpster full of felt
straps was struck by a zeppelin.Copy !req
375. Yes, yes, we're getting
off topic here, Sergeant.Copy !req
376. Please disperse, spirits.Copy !req
377. Please,
just move into the light!Copy !req
378. Or don't.
I really don't care.Copy !req
379. We're attempting
to speak to another.Copy !req
380. Demon, show thyself!Copy !req
381. I'll say this... Vincenzo makes
the best slice in the city.Copy !req
382. Yeah,
almost makes up for himCopy !req
383. scuffing my knuckles
with his face.Copy !req
384. Rocco?Copy !req
385. Daddy, what's going on?Copy !req
386. Go back to your room,
tadpole.Copy !req
387. Daddy will handle this.Copy !req
388. Slippery little son of a bitch,
ain't you, Morpho?Copy !req
389. I don't know
how you got past my boys,Copy !req
390. but you're swimming
with the big fish now.Copy !req
391. Show yourself!Copy !req
392. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
393. Allow me
to introduce-a myself.Copy !req
394. Mi chiamo Matassa.
Enrico Matassa.Copy !req
395. Never heard of you.
So, uh, what is this?Copy !req
396. New guy in town
trying to make his repCopy !req
397. by taking out
the alpha whale?Copy !req
398. More like an audition.Copy !req
399. You see how easy Enrico Matassa
take out-a you best men.Copy !req
400. Well, that is just a tasteCopy !req
401. of Enrico Matassa's
many-a talents.Copy !req
402. Per favore,
Don Wide Wale,Copy !req
403. Enrico Matassa wants
to come work for you.Copy !req
404. Triad, gird thyselves.Copy !req
405. The demon may try
to lash out.Copy !req
406. Your robot is in the thrall
of the demon!Copy !req
407. He is the Devil's concubine!Copy !req
408. Probably a computer glitch.Copy !req
409. Quickly, Jefferson!
The Prisebar of St. George!Copy !req
410. Uh, I...
It's back in the Blood Vessel.Copy !req
411. Your sword, then!
Make haste!Copy !req
412. Rusty, wait! Don't!Copy !req
413. What... What the hell is that?Copy !req
414. Rusty, we can explain.Copy !req
415. Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.Copy !req
416. - That can't be! That isn't...
- Rusty.Copy !req
417. That's your pop-pop.Copy !req
418. Now, I want you to understandCopy !req
419. what you're getting into,
youngblood.Copy !req
420. Joining the crew, it's, uh,
like a sacred covenant, yeah?Copy !req
421. You walk through this door,
ain't no turning back.Copy !req
422. Uh, are you gonna baptize me?Copy !req
423. Something like that.Copy !req
424. Relax, Matassa.Copy !req
425. You want in this family,Copy !req
426. you got to do one thing
for me first.Copy !req
427. Kill this asshole.Copy !req
428. The brain is alive,Copy !req
429. but it's in a semicomatose
state, but look at this.Copy !req
430. Somehow it's hardwired
to all the building's systems.Copy !req
431. It's like a synthetic
nervous system.Copy !req
432. There's even a makeshift
digestive tractCopy !req
433. providing nutrients
to his biologic... wow. Ew!Copy !req
434. Excellent source of protein.
Zero net carbs.Copy !req
435. You people did this?
What kind of sick...Copy !req
436. Why did you stick my father's
head in the PROBLEM light?Copy !req
437. It's pronounced "PRO-BLEM"...Copy !req
438. Progressive Biological
Life Extension Module.Copy !req
439. Ol' Jonas gave Team VentureCopy !req
440. explicit orders to place
his body in the PROBLEMCopy !req
441. in the event of his death.Copy !req
442. Geez, I'm gonna have to redo
all the narration on this tour.Copy !req
443. Well, why didn't
anyone ever tell me?Copy !req
444. Well, wasn't much of him left
for the PROBLEM to work with.Copy !req
445. We never expected
the blasted light to come on.Copy !req
446. And in 30 years,
it just never did.Copy !req
447. - Yeah, it did. A couple...
- Uh, don't interrupt, boy.Copy !req
448. - Rusty?
- Fuck!Copy !req
449. What is that smell?Copy !req
450. We didn't pack him
a toothbrush.Copy !req
451. Dad?
C-Can you hear me?Copy !req
452. Rust!
I traced the hack!Copy !req
453. It's coming from inside
that thing!Copy !req
454. Stand back!
I got to sever the hard line!Copy !req
455. No, White!
Don't...Copy !req
456. What's happening?Copy !req
457. Something's wrong!Copy !req
458. Oh, dear.Copy !req
459. He's trying to...Copy !req
460. run away!Copy !req
461. What?Copy !req