1. Deep within the
bleak and dismal gowanus canal,
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2. hidden beneath its murky
waters, lies the headquarters
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3. of the most sinister
crime collective in New York ...
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4. the Doom Factory.
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5. Here, 10 of the most ruthlessly
self-involved villains on Earth
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6. loosely align forces against
the powers of good.
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7. The cold-hearted ice
sculptress, Frigid.
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8. The toxic tongue of Serpentine.
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9. Oh, look everyone. Poor little
rich girl needs attention.
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10. Miniature muse Eenie-Meanie
and Gerard the gorilla.
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11. The watchful Black Maria,
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12. and Trashenstein,
the exquisite corpse.
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13. Ultra-Violent and Billy Maim.
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14. The feminine-yet-gigantic
She-Hemoth
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15. and the bittersweet Hard Candy...
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16. all sycophantic clingers-on
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17. to the evil genius of
Wes Warhammer.
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18. Hey, so, um, uh, guys, um...
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19. we should get Dr. Venture.
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20. Um...
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21. - is something supposed to happen here?
- Wait for it.
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22. Brock, how long is this
little home movie of yours?
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23. - It ain't a movie, Doc.
- You're telling me.
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24. It's a threat. It came
this morning in this.
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25. So, you thought it
was a good idea to just
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26. open up a box marked "Doom!"
in my house.
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27. It's hypnotic.
The simple beauty and repetitiveness
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28. really makes you think about
the paradoxical immutability
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29. - and plasticity of time.
- Ooh! Big college words.
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30. Do you want help
tonight or not, loverboy?
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31. - What's tonight?
- Hank's got a hot ...
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32. Nothing! Uh, Hank's got a...
Hank-ering
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33. to, uh... redecorate his room tonight.
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34. Good. You boys stay here
in the penthouse tonight.
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35. You, too, Doc.
I'm locking her down.
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36. What? Why?
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37. Because of that.
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38. They're walking into a death trap.
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39. - We have to call off the Warhammer arch.
- Why, exactly?
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40. Because you think the world's
laziest super-scientist
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41. has suddenly become a costumed crusader?
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42. Because I know he is.
Watch the surveillance video again.
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43. Venture and Samson run out,
and then 20 seconds later,
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44. the Blue Morpho and his
big sidekick show up?
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45. Preposterous. There'd be
no time for them to change.
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46. Wrong! I can do it in 18.6
seconds. Here, time me.
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47. Uh, no, that won't be
necessary, Councilwoman.
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48. - No, really, watch.
- Councilwoman.
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49. What's become abundantly clear
is that your husband's unhealthy
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50. obsession with Dr. Venture
has started rubbing off on you.
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51. What are you saying?
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52. Maybe you should take
a day, Councilwoman.
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53. Dude, you gotta get her out of there!
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54. I've been trapped in the
Morpho Cave for two hours
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55. - while she meets with her Jedi council.
- Will you calm down?
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56. I didn't know she'd just
commandeer the place.
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57. I was gonna make that
my new throne room.
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58. - Just get her outta there!
- I will.
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59. - Hey, sugar-pop, whatcha doing in here?
- Nothing, apparently.
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60. There's a rogue villain
killer on the loose,
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61. and instead of letting me do my job,
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62. the council ... in
their infinite wisdom ...
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63. thinks they can stop
him with... p-posters.
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64. Great! Out of your hands then.
You can take the day off.
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65. - Ooh!
- Get you all relaxed.
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66. - Mmm!
- Put you in a warm bath...
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67. Magic Monarch hands.
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68. Oh!
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69. - Yeah. You are just a tiger today.
- Mmm.
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70. - What brought this on?
- I just... miss you so much.
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71. Ahh.
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72. Is there anything more romantic
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73. than a carriage ride
through Central Park?
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74. The wind in your hair.
The smell of horse poop that's
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75. - in the wind that's in your hair.
- Um, okay, so I've waited,
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76. and since you're not gonna
say anything about it, clearly,
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77. - uh, what is with your outfit?
- You ... You don't like it?
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78. It's the ... isn't it the "bad" outfit?
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79. No, this is the good one!
Okay, we're here.
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80. We're where?
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81. Wing-men!
That's the signal.
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82. Mr. White, you're up first.
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83. Seriously, Hank,
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84. we're, like, five blocks
from my house right now.
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85. We should just get outta
here before my dad sends
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86. one of his goon squad to find me.
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87. All right, this is a holdup!
Gimme your purse, lady!
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88. - Crime!
- Come on, come on.
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89. Stand back, Sirena.
I've got this.
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90. Shoo! Ooh! Shamon!
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91. - Ohh!
- Ah! Please don't hurt me!
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92. Yeah, he'll think twice
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93. before he throws down
with Hank Venture again.
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94. Yeah, impressive.
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95. Can I get that knife for a second?
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96. Little souvenir of the
day I saved your life.
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97. Say, do you hear those
way out bongo sounds?
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98. Hey, hepcat, mind if I sit one in?
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99. Oh, my God, no.
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100. She's not buying it.
I'm losin' her, Deano.
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101. We're gonna have to scrap the lost
baby gag and step to phase two.
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102. Ugh! Thank you!
I feel like an idiot.
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103. I already secured the reservation.
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104. Brown Widow works at
a brasserie downtown
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105. that is trés Hank.
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106. We'll rendezvous there.
Now go to her, my brother.
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107. Whoa! What are you doin'?
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108. Granted, the song
wasn't my best, but ...
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109. My dad had me chipped like I'm
a friggin' poodle or some shit,
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110. because he's gotta know where I am
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111. all the friggin' time, I swear to God.
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112. So I just, uh, I dig 'em
out when I'm having fun.
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113. That is some whacked out parenting.
Wait. You're having... fun?
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114. All right, it's time
to wrap it up down there, Doc.
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115. It's gettin' dark.
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116. These doom creeps are like vampires.
They only arch at night.
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117. So I want you up here, in
the panic room in 10 minutes.
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118. Ya hear me, Doc?
Ya hear me, Doc?
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119. Yes, I copy, Brock.
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120. But I can't just drop everything.
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121. My... work is at a very delicate point.
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122. I'm right on the verge of
an important breakthrough.
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123. Ah! Come on, Doc! We ...
We're on the same dang team here!
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124. 9 minutes, Doc.
Where are the boys?
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125. I am sworn to secrecy.
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126. - Where are the boys?
- They're in the park!
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127. Some kind of double date or something.
What ... What's goin' on?
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128. Lock the door behind me.
Lock it all down.
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129. - We got another level 10 comin' at us.
- Ah, jeez. Again?
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130. We just got the floor fixed.
All right.
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131. Ah, come on.
Ow!
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132. What the...
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133. Oh, hello.
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134. - What'd you do to him?
- Hey, what'd you do to her?
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135. Ho!
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136. Power suit. Pussy.
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137. Ho-oh!
Buddy, you just brought a knife
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138. to a directed energy harpoon fight.
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139. Sweetie? You up here?
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140. I've got something special for you.
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141. Do I hear a stranger in the barn?
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142. Why, miss Betty Joe, I'm just
a field hand looking for work.
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143. My pa won't let me talk to no strangers.
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144. But I get powerful lonely
all alone on this farm.
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145. If you wanna sleep in this... hay bale,
I'm sure my pa ...
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146. Ugh. Can't believe I just did that!
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147. I didn't know she was gonna
do farmer's daughter. Ah!
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148. I should've shot her after the hay ride!
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149. All right, what'd you dig
up on this Warhammer clown?
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150. All right, I found out all about him.
He and his gang are like
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151. this new breed of
post-modern "artsy" villain.
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152. I don't really get it.
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153. It's all a little too
"oh, look at me, I'm so clever"
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154. - for my tastes.
- Where's he hide out?
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155. Oh, he's got this sweet
underwater lair out in Brooklyn.
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156. You know, "Modern Enemy" magazine
did a lovely spread on it.
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157. Who cares?
The Blue Morpho is taking it down!
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158. - Taking it Downtown!
- Dude, no. I am not killing anyone.
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159. This book I'm reading,
it ... it says that
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160. - I have to keep my ...
- Oh, will you stop with the P.T.S.D. nonsense!
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161. So you killed a guy.
You're a supervillain!
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162. To the Morphoscooters!
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163. Ah.
Wait. Wait! How do I ...
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164. All right.
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165. Hey, you move pretty good for
a guy dressed as a water bug.
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166. - Special forces?
- Yeah, Delta.
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167. - Where'd you learn that jump thing?
- Achilles in "Troy."
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168. Ah, the Pitt-ster. Nice.
It's a totally underrated movie.
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169. Yeah, right?
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170. Look, bro, we can play Rock'em
Brock'em Robots all night,
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171. - but it ain't gonna bring them kids back.
- You got a point.
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172. And my boss'll kill me,
he finds out I lost his daughter.
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173. I figure anyone with
the stugots to cross him,
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174. they gotta be some pretty heavy hitters.
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175. So, uh, seein' as we both
got a horse in this race,
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176. - what do you say, uh, you and me...
- Seriously? A team-up?
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177. Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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178. We don't gotta go putting
labels on this thing.
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179. All right, my turn.
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180. Okay, were I king, I would
outlaw all yellow candy.
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181. - Always the worst flavor.
- Okay, okay, okay.
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182. Were I king, I would
outlaw men in sandals.
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183. No, wait. Sandals with socks!
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184. Wait! Rocco in sandals!
Wait, wait, wait!
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185. Rocco's mother so she could
never give birth to Rocco.
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186. You are a just and noble king.
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187. Guess what? We're here.
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188. And I secured the best
seat in the house, my liege.
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189. There he is!
It's teen sensation Hank Venture!
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190. Shazam! Look at his new gal pal!
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191. How's about a smooch shot
for the press, Mr. Venture?
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192. Ugh. Paparazzi.
This always happens to me.
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193. Is this place even open, Hank?
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194. I mean, what kind of establishment
is this? It's really dark.
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195. I don't know. It was
recommended to me by ...
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196. - Hiya!
- It's a fucking ninja!
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197. Ooh! Hiya!
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198. Hai. Welcome to Yumi.
Table for two? Kia.
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199. Oh, my God, yes!
Where has this place been all my life?
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200. What is the...
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201. This has gotta be Hank.
Hank?
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202. You're ... no, you're
doing it all wrong, darling.
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203. - Longer, slower strokes.
- Uh... excuse me?
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204. Where did you people come from?
Are you friends of Hank?
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205. Hank? What's "hank?"
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206. Are those the pink
ones or the yellow ones?
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207. Wowie zowie!
Are you holding any?
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208. Holding what?
Just who are you people?
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209. Doom Factory.
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210. No, no, he's busy.
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211. Ooh.
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212. Hi. You must be Rusty.
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213. Brock! Come in, Brock!
Code gre... Aw, damn it.
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214. Wow, it's ... it's so
great to finally meet you.
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215. - You're really such a beauty.
- Please, don't hurt me.
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216. Mm, you're the boss, applesauce.
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217. So...
what am I supposed to... do?
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218. Oh, just, um...
you know, be yourself.
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219. That's kinda hard to do.
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220. I mean, being myself would be
running out of here screaming
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221. and most likely calling my
bodyguard to beat you up,
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222. - so...
- Um,
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223. ask him if he can, uh...
take his shirt off.
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224. Uh, that's great, Doc.
Now can you take your shirt off?
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225. It's, uh, it's a onesie.
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226. Yeah, that's fine, go ahead.
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227. Weirdest... arching... ever.
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228. Hey, whoa, whoa.
Crack a window there, Marlboro Man.
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229. - That thing stinks.
- So's your Axe body spray.
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230. You want air, I can
pop the ejector seat.
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231. Hey, uh, so you, like, uh,
work for the O.S.I., right?
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232. - Yeah.
- So what'd they, like,
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233. freeze you in 1979 and just wake you up?
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234. Or are you, like, part
of some time travel thing?
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235. I mean the car, the clothes, the music,
this Tennessee top hat.
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236. Hey!
Do not touch the hair.
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237. Well, I used to have a blog and stuff,
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238. but my friends thought it was stupid.
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239. But, like, pfft, whatever.
Like they're so cool.
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240. I think your friends
are the stupid ones.
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241. I bet you were an awesome bloggeress.
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242. Bloggeress, yeah. What's up
with the service in this joint?
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243. Where's our waiter already?
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244. - Hai!
- Oh, my God! Are you fucking kidding me?
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245. - Cool!
- Welcome to Yumi. Chi-ay!
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246. Start you with a beverage?
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247. You offended my family and
my temple. Fight me, ninja!
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248. - Ninja kick!
- Ninja block!
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249. Dude, table three
wants their check. Hiya!
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250. What'll you have?
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251. May I recommend the
virgin deadly colada?
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252. It comes with a rubber throwing star.
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253. - Sold!
- And for...
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254. - ... the lady?
- Hi, Jared.
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255. Yeah. So...
Hi, Sirena.
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256. - Wait you ... you two know each other?
- We used to date.
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257. Excuse me? Um, I think
"date" is a little inaccurate.
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258. Really? So what was it then?
Just messing around?
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259. - Friends with benefits?
- Are you kidding me right now?
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260. Please just get me a fucking
ninja ale, stalker boy, okay?
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261. I don't need this drama.
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262. Chi!
I'll... get you those drinks, now.
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263. The stink of this place.
How much further is it?
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264. It should be right
around this next bend.
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265. Hey, don't let any of that
spray get in your mouth.
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266. It's got go...
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267. Ugh!
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268. It went in my mouth.
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269. Dead dolphin juice in my mouth.
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270. Dude, that is, like, the least
horrible thing in this water.
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271. I don't even want to tell you!
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272. Oh, God. Oh, God!
Tell me! What is in here?
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273. Am I about to get piranha'd to death?
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274. O-Ow!
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275. Fuck!
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276. Looks like no one's here.
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277. Exactly. While Wes Bore-hammer
and his Doom Dickery
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278. are off arching Venture,
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279. the Blue Morpho and Kano
are free to fuck up his lair!
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280. And with no lair, his Guild rank
goes down, I get to cross
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281. him off my list, and wittle
#21 don't have to kill no one.
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282. Oh, yeah, thanks for taking
my feelings into consideration.
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283. So how's the brilliant Blue Morpho plan
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284. - to do all that?
- Same way I do everything amazing ...
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285. by blowing my inheritance.
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286. Maybe something like this?
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287. Or how about if I...
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288. Something like that maybe?
More come-hither kittenish?
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289. I defer to your genius.
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290. So what do you think, Wes?
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291. Uh, Wes?
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292. Oh, Wes isn't here. He took off.
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293. What ... isn't he directing this thing?
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294. All right. All right.
Pretty good. Pretty neat.
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295. - All right. Yes. Mm-hmm!
- Oh. Hey, hello again.
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296. - Have either of you seen Wes?
- Oh, wow, man. Yeah!
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297. Ah, Wes.
There's the genius.
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298. So, uh, what, are
we takin' five here, or, uh...
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299. - Wes! Hi!
- Oh. Hi...
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300. Wait. Wait.
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301. He's already moved on, darling.
You're old news.
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302. What are you talking about?
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303. - We were just making a movie together.
- Ohh.
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304. Did he tell you're a beauty?
That you're his new muse?
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305. That's what he tells all his marks.
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306. Where are they going
with my science things?
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307. They're stealing them, honey!
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308. - You're being arched. Remember?
- I'm ... I'm... so confused.
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309. Here. You look like
you could use a hank.
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310. Jeez, you're a mess. When
did we start doing fake blood?
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311. Eh, it's teriyaki.
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312. The birthday boy at table
five's got a nervous tummy.
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313. Ninjas.
Why'd it have to be ninjas?
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314. This far South of St. Mark's?
Eh, Wide Wale's gonna be pretty P.O.'d
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315. there's an unsanctioned
hive on his turf.
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316. - I say we roll in blasting.
- With what?
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317. What are you talking about?
With that heater on your shoulder.
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318. What is this, your first day?
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319. Not an option. I don't, uh...
it's not...
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320. - Ah. Not loaded, is it?
- That's, uh, classified.
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321. We had a guy like you in
my unit in Afghanistan.
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322. You know, there is a
book you should read.
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323. - It's called "Blood on my hands."
- Just follow my lead, Jersey Shore.
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324. Oh, come on.
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325. So you're not the first good
guy I dated. Get over it.
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326. - I mean, does it really bother you?
- Honestly? What bothers me is...
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327. I have this feeling that
maybe you're just using me
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328. to get your dad pissed.
There I said it.
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329. Whoa. Blunt.
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330. Um, I mean, is it so weird
that I might like you?
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331. Nobody ever made their friends
put on weird little skits
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332. - to impress me before.
- What? That's ... I didn't ...
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333. Four different albinos held us up,
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334. lost a fucking cat in a tree,
and took our pictures outside.
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335. A-Albinos may, in fact,
have deep pack instincts.
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336. - That's scientifically, eh, plausible.
- It's cute.
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337. I mean, I'm used to guys
just wanting to get me drunk
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338. - and then mess around.
- I don't believe in doing that.
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339. What do you believe in?
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340. Well, I believe in the soul,
the hangin' curve ball,
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341. pretzel rods, not twists,
the powdery smell of girls' deodorant,
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342. that pets talk to each other
when we're not listening.
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343. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald
acted with clones.
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344. I believe in the sweet spot,
magic invisible gnomes,
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345. that cereal is not just for
breakfast, but for any meal.
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346. And I believe in long,
slow, deep, soft, wet kisses
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347. that last three days ...
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348. stopping only to go to the
bathroom, uh, obviously.
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349. - You wanna do something crazy?
- Sister, you had me at "crazy."
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350. Ah. Are you done yet?
I wanna get home and shower.
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351. Ah! My skin is on fire!
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352. Ugh! You ... you need, like, 10 showers.
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353. And probably an aggressive
course of antibiotics.
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354. Let's get the hell outta here.
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355. - Race ya.
- Dude, don't screw around with that!
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356. Come on. It'll look all badass
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357. if we jump out right when it explodes.
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358. - Oh, with the flames all behind us!
- To who? There's nobody here!
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359. We'll know how cool we were.
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360. Son of a ...
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361. Ah!
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362. Hey, what gives?
Where's my big boom?
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363. Huh? Must've been duds.
How old are those things?
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364. What's happening?
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365. Dude, I don't know!
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366. - Dude!
- Dude!
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367. Duuude!
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368. Uhh! What the fukiya?
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369. - Pull your punches, Glenn!
- Where are the kids, ninja scum?
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370. Whoa! Is that a real knife?
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371. Dude, you guys are way
off script ... whoa!
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372. Wrong answer!
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373. Back off, tall, dark,
and loathsome!
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374. This ninja-themed family
restaurant is protected by...
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375. the Brown Widow!
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376. - Wait. Family what, now?
- Whoa, whoa. It's a ninja trick.
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377. They're masters of deception.
Do not fall for it.
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378. Jared? You're the Brown Widow?
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379. Whoa. I-I thought you were
just a struggling actor like me.
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380. I'm both, Justin.
And I'm sorry,
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381. but one improv class does
not make you an actor, sir.
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382. Hank Venture and Sirena Ong ...
where are they?
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383. You must be Brock.
Dean's told me all about you.
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384. Don't worry.
The lovebirds are right here.
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385. Eh ... son of a ditch!
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386. Ugh! Uhh!
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387. Dean? What're you doing here?
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388. - I was ...
- Never mind. Go wait in the car.
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389. Why didn't we get to be ninjas?
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390. Ahh.
Oh, I needed that.
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391. - Uh, should we be doing this?
- No. That's why it's fun!
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392. And my skin's gotta
get wet every six hours.
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393. That's part of my, you know, condition.
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394. Are your legs a big fish
tail under there now?
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395. I'm not a friggin' mermaid, Hank.
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396. So what're you waiting for,
Boy Adventurer?
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397. You gonna just stand
there or you gonna dive in?
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398. Whelp, you're
in deep now, Henry Allen.
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399. Ay-yup!
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400. Whoa! Whoa, cold! No!
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401. - Sirena!
- Oh, God! Oh, that's so cold...
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402. Where are you, princess?
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403. - Is he getting rough with you?
- Hank, you're gonna get us caught! Shush!
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404. Mmm.
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405. Ah! Come on!
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406. Uhh!
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407. So all this ...
the silver living room,
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408. the party, the screen test ...
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409. it was all just to distract me
while you stole my inventions?
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410. Um... yeah.
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411. Wait, wait, wait.
And now you're just gonna go?
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412. You're leaving me with nothing?
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413. Um, no. Someone gave me
this communicator watch.
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414. Uh, I-I think it was eenie.
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415. Yeah, yeah, it was eenie. And...
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416. And she said I could
talk to God with it,
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417. but...
I-I don't have anything to say.
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418. Here, n-now you can talk to God.
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419. Wait a minute. This is my watch.
You just spray-painted it gold.
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420. That eenie's a little thief,
is what she is. You all are!
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421. Um... yeah.
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422. - Uhh!
- Huh? You again.
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423. Ahem. Good evening, citizen.
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424. Tell me that didn't look awesome!
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425. Fireworks.
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426. Uhh!
Huh, what the...
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427. Son of a bitch!
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428. Oh, my God, honey!
A-Are you okay?
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429. - W-What happened?
- Blue Morpho!
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430. - That fucker was here in our bedroom!
- The guy from your poster?
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431. Oh, my God, sweetness, you
are lucky to be alive.
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432. You don't even know. He...
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433. You were right... uh, Councilwoman.
He struck again.
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434. What do you need to stop him?
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