1. Dr. Donahue!
Hold up there!
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2. Dr. Donahue!
Phil! Hey.
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3. Oh. I didn't hear you.
Is there a problem?
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4. Dr. Donahue,
I just got to tell you
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5. that your convergent ex-maze...
stunning.
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6. We were about to stop
his doggone heart there.
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7. You were all ready
to saw that guy open.
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8. And I'm all,
"It's just a paroxysmal afib."
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9. You should mop out a
cox maze for the ex-maze
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10. slam an ablation cath
in the old groin, and bingo!
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11. The guy could drive home
in the morning.
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12. Astounding.
And the board was impressed.
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13. I'm talking promotion
impressed there.
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14. Oh, that's not necessary.
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15. Which is why I'm glad
I ran into you.
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16. It seems we don't have
all your papers on file
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17. so we just called
The Johns Hopkins there, and...
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18. Johns Hopkins?
You called them?
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19. No, no.
I didn't go there.
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20. Really? Oh, you...
you told me you did.
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21. No, I told you
I went to Stanford
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22. and that I studied under
Dr. Johns Hopkinsburg...
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23. Dr. Johns Hopkinsburg
at the Stanford University.
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24. Oh. Let me just run and get
Dr. Bennett, and we'll...
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25. we'll sort out
this little oversight.
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26. I'll just be a sec.
Wait right here.
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27. I won't go anywhere.
I'm glued!
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28. Look. I can't move my feet
because they're stuck to the floor.
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29. Oh... oh, no, look!
It's like molasses.
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30. Oh, I am so...
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31. "I knew you were
coming tonight."
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32. "I'm at peace.
Just make it quick."
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33. "A deal's a deal."
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34. What are you waiting for?
Do it!
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35. Come on, you... freaks!
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36. Hey, see that bag
hanging there?
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37. That's my...
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38. Eat it!
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39. "They looked straight at me."
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40. "Trust me.
It was the same guys."
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41. - We have to give it all back.
- Everything?
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42. What, the spelunking gear,
the dune buggy, the...
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43. the pool table
in the secret lab?
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44. Not the secret...
Billy, not the lab.
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45. All that crap...
everything!
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46. - Everything?
- Everything?
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47. - What is that?
- Robo-Bo
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48. our robotic butler/manservant
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49. in the imposing,
yet familiar guise of Bo Duke.
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50. Don't act like
we didn't talk about this.
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51. Well, we didn't! You asked me
which Duke boy I liked better.
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52. And you said Bo, so Ta-da!
Robo-Bo!
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53. Yeah, well, I didn't think
for a second that you were go...
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54. We got to give that
horrible thing back, too.
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55. They are... vampires, and they're
coming to suck all my blood out.
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56. - Billy, you're overreacting.
- Ya think?
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57. Three creepy guys
appear on our doorstep
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58. and hand us a check
for like $10 million!
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59. We are Conjectural Technologies.
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60. It's perfectly normal
for us to get investors!
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61. We sold our souls
to vampires!
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62. We sold shares of our hot new company.
It's completely normal.
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63. I just saw our shareholders
materialize out of thin air
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64. then steal the heart of
a 400-hundred-pound talking gorilla.
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65. Is that normal?
They're here.
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66. Okay, I'm gonna tell them
we're gonna give everything back
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67. and that this was all
a misunderstanding.
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68. - Hand me my neck brace.
- That's not gonna work.
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69. Oh, it does.
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70. When the vampires
try to bite my neck
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71. they're gonna get nothing but
a mouthful of foamy, cervical collar.
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72. Door for Master Billy.
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73. I'm gonna go fix this, okay?
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74. But if I don't return,
you come find me.
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75. Don't let them make me
a vampire, White.
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76. - Promise me.
- Fine
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77. I won't let them
make you a vampire.
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78. Oh.
I'm glad you're here.
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79. "We just had
a silly misunderstanding."
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80. "No, no.
No, please, no."
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81. - "No, no, no!"
- Billy? Billy?
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82. Master Billy
left with his visitors.
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83. Robo-Bo!
Get the Conject-U-Cycle!
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84. I have a check here
for $50,000
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85. for whoever helps me
rescue Billy from vampires.
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86. We're not mercenaries, White.
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87. We handle the guys that nobody
else wants to deal with.
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88. Well, that's perfect, 'cause
nobody else wants to deal with me.
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89. Yeah, you're not getting it.
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90. Hunter, why don't you explain
what we do here at Sphinx?
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91. - Sphinx!
- It works like this...
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92. if someone points a gun at you,
ya call the police.
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93. If a bunch of guys are pointing
guns at you, you call S.W.A.T.
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94. If they're in spandex and
pointing a super laser at you,
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95. you call the O.S.I.
If they're dressed regular
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96. and they're pointing a super
laser at your daughter
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97. - that's when you call Sphinx.
- Sphinx!
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98. So explain to me
why we'd give a squirt
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99. about your roommate being
abducted by vampires?
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100. We're talking
about Billy here!
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101. You guys owe him.
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102. You did the... you know.
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103. Spit it out, White!
This is Sphinx!
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104. - Sphinx.
- We have no secrets here.
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105. When men
live and work together
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106. it's imperative that
there are no secrets!
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107. I miss my breasts!
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108. Inside of me, there is a woman
screaming to be heard.
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109. I hit a dog
with my car last week
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110. but told the owner
I found him like that.
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111. I once jerked off 12 times
in one day just to see if I could.
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112. I had an erotic dream about
Henry Rollins last night
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113. and I'm straight as an arrow.
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114. Remember that smell I told you
was the garbage?
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115. That was my ass.
I had chicken tandoori for lunch.
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116. Ya see?
Men don't have secrets.
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117. - Now, what are you talking about?
- Fine.
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118. You used Billy as a pawn to infiltrate
the Guild of Calamitous Intent.
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119. - You owe him.
- Son, that wasn't us.
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120. That was the O.S.I.
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121. If I throw this pen at your head,
are you gonna blame me
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122. or have a little fist fight
with the pen?
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123. Now get out
and take your bribe with you.
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124. - Wait! Where did you get this?
- The vampires
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125. - We get them every...
- Finally!
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126. Samson, Shoreleave,
we got these bastards!
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127. - Take a look at this!
- It's The Investors all right.
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128. - You have more of these?
- That's the last one.
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129. - We spent the others.
- Well, you're in luck, White.
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130. You're the only person that's
taken money from The Investors
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131. and lived to panic about it.
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132. - So you'll take the job?
- Take the job?
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133. Pale face, we've been waiting
for this job.
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134. You're not gonna be able
to get rid of Sphinx!
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135. Sphinx!
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136. Geez, you're monstrous.
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137. Close.
I'm Monstroso.
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138. Leave us.
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139. - Who are those guys?
- The Investors?
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140. They make dreams come true...
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141. - for a price.
- And who the hell are you?
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142. A man, just like you,
in need of The Investors.
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143. - We're all in the same boat, Billy.
- How do you know my name?
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144. You're one of the most
talented surgeons alive.
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145. Who doesn't know of Dr...
wait.
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146. You're not a doctor.
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147. You never went
to medical school.
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148. Well, some of the world's
greatest artists
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149. - are self-taught, you know.
- Yes
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150. and so many of them live in
sad trailers infested with albinos
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151. scurrying from Xbox
to PlayStation
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152. living off your accomplishments.
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153. I'm fine, all right?
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154. I just want to give everything back.
I just want to go home.
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155. Get back in bed,
little guy.
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156. Let me tuck you in.
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157. You can never go back to your
sad little life.
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158. Oh, is that too tight?
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159. There's no blood
getting to my face.
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160. No, Billy, we both made
a deal with The Investors.
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161. What... what deal did I make!
I said I'll give the money back!
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162. It's too late, Billy.
Now get some sleep.
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163. I want you well-rested to accept
The Investors' real gift...
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164. immortality!
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165. I run out, and I swear I see
Billy and the vampire guys
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166. disappear into thin air.
It should have been me.
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167. Hey, it'll be fine.
We'll save him.
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168. It should have been me.
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169. I have that Malfoy,
Spike thing going on.
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170. I look way more vampire than Billy.
Should've been me.
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171. The footprints seem to start
and end right here.
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172. Shoreleave,
run this footprint soil
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173. through your thingy and see
what's going on here.
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174. Lemonade, gentlemen?
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175. Sweet lord,
what the hell is that?
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176. Robo-Bo.
Yeah, I got it off the internet.
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177. They also make a Robo-Starsky
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178. Robo-Crockett,
and Robo-The-Fatman.
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179. - It's disgusting!
- Why does it walk
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180. like it has to take a dump?
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181. Oh, here's something.
There's salt in their tracks...
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182. ocean water.
Saline at 3.4... Atlantic
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183. - somewhere near the equator.
- Then that's where we're going!
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184. You ever fix our submarine?
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185. Please! We just shoveled dirt
on what was left of it.
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186. I think
I can get us a boat.
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187. If we're taking a boat somewhere,
we got to stop for sunscreen.
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188. You're a civilian,
and you're annoying.
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189. This is a job for Sphinx.
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190. - What?
- I thought you were gonna...
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191. Oh. Sphinx!
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192. - Oh we'll rescue your little friend.
- Yeah, friend... friend.
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193. But you're going to a safe house.
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194. "I know what you're thinking...
that's a bunion."
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195. I thought that, too.
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196. But does a bunion
leak yellow goo
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197. when you squeeze it?
No, it doesn't.
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198. So we have
a little mystery here.
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199. Yeah, would you like
to touch it?
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200. Nah, not really.
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201. C'mon!
It's really mushy in there.
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202. "Aw, ya look great."
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203. Me like them
dance costumes ya got.
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204. - I'm with Sphinx now.
- Sphinx!
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205. - Is Jonas here?
- Sorry. Bad news, gentlemen.
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206. Jonas is gone.
He's up there.
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207. Oh, geez.
I'm sorry, man. We didn't know.
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208. Ah, no, no, no.
He's not dead.
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209. He's up on his
space-station thingy.
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210. Left me here
to keep the museum open.
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211. Since he left, I've had, uh...
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212. let's see, uh...
no visitors.
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213. Not here to see the museum.
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214. Too bad, I could have cut
you guys a sweet group rate.
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215. Oh, hey.
Sorry, grandpa.
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216. Smoking cigarettes is illegal
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217. - on Spider Skull Island.
- What, are you kidding me?
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218. No. The wee chairman
outlawed them.
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219. This here island
is a sovereign nation.
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220. We got our own laws!
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221. Cigarettes and liquor
be banned,
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222. But on the upside,
we grow our own pot
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223. - and we legalized the gay marriage!
- I am gonna retire here.
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224. Captain, we just came here
to borrow the X2.
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225. No can do.
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226. Chairman needed the engine
to power part of that flying thingy
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227. he thinks is
too good for pirates.
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228. - The X2 is gutted.
- Great. No boat.
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229. Yeah, well, if ya just need a boat,
I can help you there.
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230. Just let me change me outfit.
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231. Oh, good.
You put on your little outfit.
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232. I almost didn't give it to you
because it was so small.
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233. I wanted to hang it
from my rear-view mirror.
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234. If anybody would be
sensitive to my size
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235. - I figured it would be you.
- I am kidding.
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236. I'm sensitive to size.
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237. Not as much as I am
at this moment.
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238. And admit it.
I've been showing you a good time.
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239. Well, the indoor mini golf
was cool
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240. and the bumper cars
would've been cool
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241. if yours wasn't as big
as an S.U.V.
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242. Well, I'm trying to enjoy
my last moments with this body.
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243. I've worked myself to death.
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244. Now, I'll play myself to death.
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245. I don't want to do this.
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246. - I'm not ready.
- You are ready, Billy.
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247. You have nothing
in your life.
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248. The Investors are going
to change all of that.
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249. It's just... I mean, there are
still so many things
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250. I want to do before I become,
you know, immortal.
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251. Well, after our game, we still have
bumper pool and laser tag and...
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252. Oh, you'll love this...
giant legos.
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253. I was talking about something
a little more adult.
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254. Giant... checkers?
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255. It's kind of small
for a pirate ship.
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256. She's almost brigantine.
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257. Found an old sloop
and changed her rigging.
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258. The rest is from
a theme-park ride.
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259. But she's fast, seaworthy,
and probably a mighty chick magnet.
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260. She'll have to do.
What do you call her?
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261. - I call her Manny's Song.
- Who's Manny?
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262. Me first love. She left me
for a bloke named Craig
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263. who just slept with her
and tossed her away.
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264. Haven't seen her since then.
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265. I heard she was with some
go-nowhere mechanic named Jay.
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266. Sad.
Does she know how you feel?
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267. No, she doesn't, because
that's all from a TV show.
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268. Captain Cuckoo here named his boat
after Manny Santos on "Degrassi."
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269. - You're a liar!
- I can't believe they killed J.T.
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270. I know!
And they hardly talked about it
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271. like after Terri bashed
her skull on that rock.
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272. Yeah.
I'm the liar, me.
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273. If you simpletons aren't embarrassed,
I'll be embarrassed for you.
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274. Let's set sail!
We're on a mission!
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275. - Sphinx!
- Didn't say it.
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276. Wha?
It was implied.
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277. Avast!
We set sail!
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278. - Well?
- What? What are we waiting for?
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279. We have to actually set sail.
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280. Like, you guys have to help me
tie down those sails.
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281. "Oh, Princess Tinyfeet"
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282. "you are my little treat"
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283. "but then you went away"
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284. "one dismal day"
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285. "I couldn't say"
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286. "I love you"
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287. Feel free to cry
or jump in.
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288. I don't know this song.
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289. That's 'cause
I just made it up.
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290. "My Apache flower"
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291. "I want to devour"
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292. "or take a hot shower
with you"
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293. Yeah!
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294. You might want to hold that
with two hands.
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295. I've never played racquetball.
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296. - You ever play squash?
- Nope.
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297. - Handball?
- Uh, nope.
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298. Well, it's like that.
Service!
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299. You have to hit it back.
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300. Well, then, you have to hit it
a little lighter.
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301. Fine.
I'll do my little baby serve.
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302. But I'm still
taking that point.
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303. What was that "adult" thing you wanted
to do before your date with destiny?
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304. - A date with a woman!
- Yes. Of course.
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305. Well, the big man here
has quite an appetite
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306. for the pleasures
of the flesh myself
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307. yet I've never found a woman
who can satisfy me.
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308. I'm surprised you can find a woman
that doesn't run away screaming.
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309. Point! In your face!
You okay?
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310. It's my heart.
It's dying.
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311. No Legos for me today.
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312. - We got to get you to a hospital.
- No!
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313. Tonight we shall
embrace our destiny.
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314. "The bank is an offshore."
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315. The check is from General
Consolidated Insurance... GCI.
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316. Guild of Calamitous Intent.
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317. So, whoever's holding
The Investors' leash
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318. - has access to the Guild funds.
- Got anything?
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319. Billy's hand emits a tracer pulse.
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320. It's not accurate,
but it should get us
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321. close enough to activate
the hand's homing device.
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322. - Anything on that check?
- Well, besides the peanut-butter prints
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323. from Billy and White
there was a latent palm print.
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324. Didn't match anything on file,
so I made it into a little turkey
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325. by putting a little beak on it.
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326. - It looks crappy though. See?
- You know why that looks crappy?
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327. Because that's not a palm print.
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328. - That's a huge thumbprint.
- Right!
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329. Access to Guild funds,
giant thumbprint...
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330. Well, should I say it, or do we
all say it at once?
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331. Please, please, please,
please, please!
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332. I want to do it!
You did it last time.
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333. All right. Fine.
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334. Oh, my god!
It's Monstroso!
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335. I've signed a lot a papers in my life,
but none like this. There.
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336. Soon, my friends.
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337. Soon I will have
new blood in these veins...
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338. the blood of the beast.
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339. Soon.
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340. - You're Dracula brides!
- Yes, vampires.
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341. - Where do you want us to bite you?
- I don't want to be bitten.
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342. Can you just do the sucking part
and not the biting part?
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343. Now, if you need blood,
I'm prone to nosebleeds.
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344. I have dry sinuses
because of allergies
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345. and I pick my nose
with a metal hand.
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346. That's very nice.
A little exotic striptease.
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347. Or is it an exotic... dance?
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348. I took swing lessons at parks
and rec, but because I'm short
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349. I had to take the class with kids.
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350. You got the pants off.
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351. And you are doing something
amazing with your mouth.
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352. Got it! I activated the homing device
in Billy's hand, everyone.
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353. And I may have also accidentally
activated the fire extinguisher.
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354. Now we're getting somewhere!
Where is he?
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355. He's close... very close.
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356. I'd say about seven miles
that way.
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357. Hard full aft rudder astern!
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358. Jib the mainsail!
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359. Cully the sheets, ya swabs!
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360. - What the hell does that all mean?
- Nothing! Made it up!
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361. I'm just all excited to be
a fake pirate again!
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362. What happened?
There were women here, I swear.
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363. I had sex with
three women at once.
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364. It's time, isn't it?
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365. I couldn't just leave him.
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366. I was afraid he might have
a concussion or something.
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367. The little guy was just
so cute and helpless.
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368. I cuddled him all night.
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369. So I can see
why he's your best friend.
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370. He's not my best friend.
I just work with him.
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371. And live with him and do
everything with him.
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372. - That's best friends.
- Maybe.
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373. But I always thought of Rusty
as my best friend.
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374. What?
You know what, White?
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375. - You are a star...
- Wha...?
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376. Yeah. You have the greatest
friend in the world
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377. and because he's not famous,
you don't care.
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378. You should be
ashamed of yourself.
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379. Rusty and I went
to school together.
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380. - We were inseparable.
- Star...
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381. "It's huge!"
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382. "Never seen
a catamaran like that."
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383. "It's like a big blimp spider!"
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384. That thing is like a fortress.
Good luck to you.
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385. Oh, we don't need luck.
With Brock and Shoreleave
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386. we just need alibis
and body bags.
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387. Genital formal wear.
I'm ready.
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388. You're not wearing that,
are you?
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389. This little get-up-and-go works
like a samurai mask.
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390. They'll get a gander at this little
number, and they're hypnotized!
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391. All right. It's a dual mission.
One, rescue the little guy.
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392. Two, terminate Monstroso,
The Investors
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393. and everything that gets
in your way.
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394. You just reminded me
why I joined Sphinx.
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395. Sphinx!
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396. Oh, my god!
This water is... freezing!
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397. I am not properly dressed!
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398. Okay, I've signed it.
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399. Now make me a vampire.
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400. I'm ready to become
one of the undead.
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401. The blood is the life!
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402. What are you talking about?
Vampire?
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403. I can't make you a vampire.
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404. What? Isn't that what
this is all about...
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405. these papers,
the vampire brides...
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406. - the immortality crap, those guys?
- Leave us.
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407. You have me and The Investors
all wrong, son.
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408. Those papers you just signed...
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409. those are your diplomas
from medical school, all legal.
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410. That is your gift.
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411. But those women
said they were vampires.
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412. Those women were prostitutes.
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413. They would have said
they were Charlie's Angels
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414. if you wanted them to.
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415. But... you kept talking
about immorality
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416. - and your new life.
- Yes, immortality.
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417. You've been brought here
to perform a heart transplant.
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418. King Gorilla made a little deal
with The Investors and I.
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419. He gets out
of his life sentence
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420. "and I get his heart
when he dies."
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421. Oh, come on.
Every... time!
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422. I should have guessed. I got kidnapped
to perform another illegal surgery.
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423. "No. This surgery is legal."
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424. We are far from
U.S. Restrictions.
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425. And with your new diploma
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426. you will get the credit, fame,
and fortune you deserve.
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427. You will be a legend,
an immortal.
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428. All right, Baby Fae.
It's Billy time.
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429. Let's make history.
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430. Suckers.
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431. I used to do that
with a tennis ball to my dog.
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432. I'm gonna work my way up
to the main decks.
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433. When this is secure, head up.
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434. Hi. If you even think about it,
I pull the trigger.
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435. Okay. Just take that gun off
of my back.
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436. No, no.
That's not my gun.
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437. That's an indicator of how
excited I am to do this to you.
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438. That is my gun.
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439. Man, I'm glad it's you.
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440. I thought that those guys were magically
shooting bullets from their body.
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441. Right? I didn't even know
you were behind them.
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442. I thought they were throwing
knives out of their backs.
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443. Magic guys.
That sucks.
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444. I thought we finally
had those bastards.
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445. Well, we still have Monstroso.
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446. He's not magic,
but he is a giant.
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447. We have a cool job,
Shoreleave.
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448. It is totally cool.
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449. Okay, I'm gonna
head that way.
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450. First one to find
a talking harp wins.
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451. Brock?
What the hell is going on?
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452. How did you get here?
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453. We've been following
this boat for two days.
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454. Boat?
I'm on a boat?
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455. He has a mini-golf course
on a boat?
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456. Oh, yeah. It's huge.
White tipped us off to this.
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457. White. Like he cares
a rat's ass about me.
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458. He offered us 50 grand
to save you.
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459. What board game was
the money from?
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460. Come on Billy.
He cares.
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461. And Monstroso there has
been using those Investors of his
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462. to do stuff that you
don't want to know about.
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463. He gave me more than
you guys ever did.
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464. After I finish this transplant,
I'll be famous.
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465. And I'm gonna get
a reality show
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466. and I'm gonna marry young models
that wouldn't look at me
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467. before my TV show.
I am done with White!
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468. - He's holding me back.
- All right.
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469. You finish up that transplant.
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470. You live with all that blood
on your hands.
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471. It never comes off, Billy.
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472. The bad blood
stains your hands.
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473. If you can live with knowing
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474. that you gave that killer
a second chance at life
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475. then you finish up.
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476. Fine!
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477. Man, you are really good
at those cowboy speeches.
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478. But I can't just walk away.
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479. We doctors take
a hippocratic oath
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480. and it says we shall never
willingly harm a patient.
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481. Billy, you're not a real doctor.
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482. Well, I may not have a degree
or spend a fortune on med school
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483. but I am a doctor.
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484. I'm a real doctor,
and I'm one of the best.
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485. You're pretty good at those
cowboy speeches, too.
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486. Okay.
Finish him up.
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487. That's good.
Just give it a little squeeze.
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488. You know,
don't overexert yourself.
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489. Sorry.
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490. - I broke another one.
- Very well.
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491. Let's get some rest here,
Mr. Monstroso.
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492. Hey. Is he well enough
so I can kill him yet?
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493. Subtitled by: Image Production House
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