1. it's touch football! Touch!
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2. Oh. I didn't know.
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3. you did too!
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4. You have it in for me!
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5. Why didn't you throw dean the
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6. Ball?
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7. oh, why do you think?
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8. Guys!
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9. What's with the tea party?
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10. I am so open!
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11. oh, I-I didn't see you there.
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12. I didn't think to check our own
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13. End zone!
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14. you're just made you didn't
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15. Get to be skins.
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16. well, we should have been
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17. Skins!
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18. We won the damn toss, but dean
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19. Was all, "nyah!
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20. I don't want to get sunburned!
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21. Nyah!"
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22. Dean.
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23. Why didn't we get
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24. Professor snape or hank?
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25. 'cause I'm always on
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26. Brock's team.
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27. Somebody's in my car.
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28. all right, that is a
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29. Legitimate superpower.
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30. Seen him do that from
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31. Another country away.
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32. Big deal.
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33. Come on!
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34. Give me a chance!
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35. I'm wide open here!
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36. Oh, what the hell are
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37. You doing?
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38. Well, obviously, you're not
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39. Serious because you know that I
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40. Converted my engine to electric.
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41. It's not only green, it's 100%
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42. Crybaby suicide proof.
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43. Now let's talk this out.
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44. Nobody's gonna road-flare their
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45. Brains out.
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46. Now what's going on, huh?
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47. What happened this time?
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48. Time's up. Let's go.
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49. don't pressure him.
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50. I've been in his shoes.
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51. I've seen my wife's legs wrapped
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52. Around some... Jerk!
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53. and I thought,
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54. "what's the ding-dong point?"
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55. yeah, not sure that's helpful
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56. There, big guy.
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57. thanks, buddy.
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58. Put your shirt on.
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59. I really wanted to be skins.
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60. I know. I know.
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61. Look, can you just
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62. Talk about it?
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63. It can't be that bad.
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64. Will you just knock it off?
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65. Daddy, is it something
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66. Hank did?
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67. Dude, don't drag me
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68. Under this bus.
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69. When my pumpkin
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70. Went away, I, too, suffered the
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71. Grim cloud of listlessness, but
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72. Our duty is to —
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73. Mr. Venture is not suicidal.
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74. oh, really?
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75. Then why is he trying to hang
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76. Himself from your tie?
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77. Because
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78. Mr. Venture is possessed!
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79. Okay, I'm ready.
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80. Good gracious.
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81. What's all this nonsense?
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82. The man doesn't have a fever.
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83. they did it to dorothy in the
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84. "wizard of oz."
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85. I don't know.
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86. I also hooked up this field
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87. Monitor from my old o.S.I. Days.
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88. Sure, it's a little dusty, but
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89. It'll work... Probably.
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90. And the bucket?
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91. oh, that's for the geyser of
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92. Pea-soup vomit.
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93. And the camera?
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94. Also for the vomit.
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95. Do I even have
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96. To ask?
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97. They said there was
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98. Gonna be vomit.
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99. This isn't a
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100. Gallagher too performance.
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101. It's a sacred rite.
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102. I want you two gentlemen to hold
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103. Him down.
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104. The demon will fight as I cast
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105. The spell of binding.
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106. Anything could happen.
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107. Anything but that.
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108. Ready, gentlemen?
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109. I hold thee.
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110. I constrain thee!
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111. With the name sidragrosam, I
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112. Bind thee!
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113. Aah!
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114. That dick!
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115. Come on. Come on, rusty!
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116. Pansy.
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117. Move!
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118. Kill yourself already!
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119. Do something!
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120. Vitals down!
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121. We're losing him!
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122. What happened?
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123. no idea.
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124. We got to bring him out!
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125. we can't!
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126. He'll be a vegetable!
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127. Don't yell at me!
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128. I'm not yelling at you.
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129. I'm telling at you!
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130. He has to return on his own.
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131. Well, what do we do?
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132. keep him alive!
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133. You are still yelling.
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134. Oh, I'm gonna throw
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135. Up.
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136. I'm gonna throw up in venture's
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137. Brain.
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138. This is —
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139. Oh, god!
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140. I'm gonna puke all over his
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141. Crappy childhood memories.
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142. So good.
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143. He's flatlining!
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144. I'm gonna defibrillate!
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145. Clear!
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146. Oh, my god!
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147. I don't know what that means!
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148. stay clear!
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149. Well, of course I wi—
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150. Wait, that's what it means?
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151. yes!
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152. Vitals.
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153. He's back, but he's
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154. Weak.
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155. help me hook up life support.
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156. Scary.
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157. Can't believe I actually said
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158. "clear!"
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159. Yeah, that totally
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160. Didn't help.
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161. I thought I was supposed to
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162. Push, like, the "clear" button
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163. Or something.
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164. Hey, you think he's gonna bring
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165. Back a pissed-off billy mahoney
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166. With him?
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167. right?
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168. Running around the cocoon in
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169. That hoodie?
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170. Totally.
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171. Hey, can I put them on his
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172. Nipples like he's a robot
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173. Stripper?
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174. Okay, w-what do I do?
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175. Should I boil holy water or, uh,
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176. Rip up some sheets?
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177. Look, he's possessed,
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178. Hank.
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179. He's not giving birth to a
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180. Monster baby.
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181. If you need a bible, I
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182. Have one tape narrated by
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183. Mr. Darth vader.
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184. I have like 10 rosaries left
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185. Over from my short-lived,
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186. Ill-conceived madonna phase.
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187. As much as I
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188. Appreciate all your help, I am
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189. Not a priest.
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190. I am a master necromancer!
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191. I will enter mr. Venture's mind,
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192. And there do battle with the
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193. Unwelcomed spirit.
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194. Oh, can I come?
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195. Uh, no.
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196. But you can help me.
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197. I can only gain entry to his
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198. Soul if I am perceived as
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199. Friendly.
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200. Boys, you are the great love of
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201. Your father's life.
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202. Be my raiments!
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203. Take my hands!
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204. Gird me!
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205. I am blessed by what he loves
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206. Most — the key to his soul's
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207. Lock!
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208. Open his mind to me!
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209. Please?
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210. Yeah, I'm not sure you
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211. Have the right, uh... Key?
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212. I am blessed by
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213. What he loves most — the key to
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214. His soul's lock.
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215. Open his mind to me!
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216. Nope.
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217. Maybe I should —
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218. wait!
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219. Okay, try it with his old
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220. Headshot, all the awards, the
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221. Signed picture of loni anderson,
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222. All the money, the newspaper
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223. Clippings, the shoe box of old
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224. Love letters, but without the
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225. Rush cassette6
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226. Oh, here's your
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227. Problem — it's a "best of."
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228. and there's one more thing we
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229. Haven't tried, and it's nothing
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230. Personal, but...
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231. I get it.
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232. Okay, one more
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233. Time.
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234. I am blessed by what he loves
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235. Most — the key to his soul's
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236. Lock.
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237. Open his mind to me!
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238. I'm sure it was the
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239. Rush cassette, dean.
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240. Back, demon,
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241. Lest I unleash my awesome
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242. Powers!
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243. All right, that's
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244. Uncalled for!
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245. Yeah, that's racial
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246. Profiling is what that is!
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247. Oh, dear.
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248. I-I-I thought he was a —
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249. Demon?
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250. 'cause of the way I dress?
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251. 'cause you're a bigot, maybe?
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252. And a total
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253. Hypocrite. Look at him!
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254. Yeah, dracula.
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255. Where do you get off?
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256. Okay, I get it.
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257. I apologize.
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258. So whom do I have the pleasure
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259. To meet?
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260. You are cupid, I assume.
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261. Cupid?
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262. W-why would cupid be in the
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263. Rusty?
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264. Come on.
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265. Will you stop basing everything
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266. On looks?
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267. How do you not know me?
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268. I'm eros. Hello?
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269. And I'm pretty important.
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270. Eros — kind of popular.
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271. I've got fans.
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272. You really should
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273. Recognize us — pistol-hot
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274. Careers.
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275. Yes, of course!
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276. Eros and thanatos — sex and
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277. Death.
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278. You two motivate our every
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279. Action.
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280. Well put, count freud.
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281. Now, what the hell are you doing
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282. In here?
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283. Seriously, what is
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284. This, open house, bring your
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285. Daughter to work day?
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286. We don't have time for another
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287. Intruder screwing things up.
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288. We have a complete cerebral
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289. Shutdown to deal with from the
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290. Other guy.
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291. Yeah, we got maybe an
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292. Hour or two before the rusty
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293. Falls into a coma.
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294. And then the chill hand of death
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295. Takes the rusty home.
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296. Okay, there,
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297. Mr. Good news.
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298. Merciless is the end!
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299. Let's bring it down.
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300. Just breathe.
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301. In with the good air, out with
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302. The crazy air.
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303. I want you to breathe.
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304. Thanks, buddy.
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305. I-I got in the zone again.
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306. I think I may be
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307. Responsible for the shutdown you
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308. Speak of.
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309. Nice.
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310. So how is he?
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311. stable, I hope.
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312. Sweetie, can you hear me?
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313. I bet he needs something
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314. Familiar.
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315. Sing him your guy's song.
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316. we're not bernie taupin and
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317. Elton john.
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318. We don't write songs.
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319. No, I mean like your
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320. Like a romantic —
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321. oh, right.
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322. No. We don't have one.
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323. What? Nothing?
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324. "lady in red"?
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325. no. W-wait!
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326. He always sings that
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327. Human league song to me.
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328. What is it?
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329. keep feeling fascination?
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330. oh, my god. No.
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331. Wait! I know which one!
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332. that is not even close.
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333. What?
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334. It's tim-tom and kevin!
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335. Security inspection!
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336. go away!
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337. can't, mum.
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338. Mandatory — monarch's orders.
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339. Don't look at me!
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340. It was his idea.
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341. The first of every month,
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342. There's this mandatory
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343. Inspection — no exceptions.
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344. And to look like a big man, he
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345. Even included himself.
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346. we're coming in!
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347. crap. They can't see this.
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348. The whole mind-assassin thing is
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349. Against guild rules.
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350. It is? Oh, great!
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351. Super!
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352. Brilliant idea.
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353. take off your clothes!
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354. All right, venture.
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355. You think you bested me, huh?
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356. I'll give you nightmares you'll
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357. Never recover from.
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358. Tippy-tap, tippy-tap.
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359. Bup-bup, bup-bup bup.
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360. Oh, you like that?
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361. Every memory of you being hated
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362. By everyone just come flooding
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363. Into your dreams?
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364. Sweet!
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365. Oh, you are in for it, venture.
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366. That is like a huge frankenstein
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367. Switch.
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368. That has got to be bad.
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369. Suck on this!
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370. Well, if there is
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371. Something controlling the rusty,
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372. You're gonna find it in master
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373. Control.
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374. That's the fourth level of the
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375. Psyche.
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376. Yeah, it's a
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377. Straight path right through the
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378. Back of the brain.
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379. If nothing goes wrong, we'll be
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380. There in a snap.
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381. That counts as
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382. Something wrong.
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383. no exceptions!
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384. Monarch's orders!
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385. all right! Hold on! Geez!
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386. that's it!
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387. I'm gonna bash the door down
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388. With my secret mind wers.
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389. Back up, tim-tom!
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390. you don't have secret powers.
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391. that's because they're
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392. Secret — maybe even to me.
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393. but I have a key to the door.
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394. oh, whatever.
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395. It just — now we'll never know
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396. If I have secret mind powers.
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397. All right, what's all the
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398. Hoop-dee-hoo in here?
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399. now let's see what we...
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400. okay.
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401. Well, I guess this is inspected,
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402. And we should just go.
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403. we'll just, uh, check this
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404. Off, and sorry to disturb you,
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405. Monarch.
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406. Close the
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407. Door behind you.
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408. The doors of perception
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409. have opened all at once!
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410. We must close them!
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411. Hey, there's
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412. Quadrillions of them!
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413. Maybe millions!
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414. What are you —
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415. Quadrillions is a larger number.
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416. Quadrillions is a
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417. Fake number.
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418. No, it's not!
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419. It's a thousand billion.
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420. Really?
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421. Are you just trying to make me
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422. Look like a douche in front of
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423. The new guy?
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424. Did you feel
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425. That?
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426. Thank you! Yes.
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427. And it hurts because I always
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428. Say nice things about him.
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429. But he's always —
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430. No, that rumble!
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431. What is that rumble?
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432. Leviathan.
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433. He is why men murder.
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434. He is why men make war — the
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435. Beast within us all.
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436. We are doomed!
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437. Cheery, isn't he?
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438. Crap!
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439. Get out of the way!
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440. I hate those things.
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441. They're all over the place in
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442. Here, and they chew on stuff,
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443. And they get poop on everything.
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444. They are his
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445. Dead sons — forever haunting
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446. His subconscious mind.
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447. Leviathan draws near!
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448. Death is at hand!
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449. We cannot outrun the beast!
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450. He gets that way
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451. Around death.
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452. It's like he's in a creed video.
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453. Why don't we just go in one of
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454. These doors?
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455. Okay.
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456. Yeah, that's cool.
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457. no change. He's steady.
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458. Or this takes batteries.
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459. I don't know.
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460. Hey, no indoor
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461. Football!
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462. Outside!
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463. 'kay! U-uh, we were just, you
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464. Know —
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465. Sorry, brock!
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466. yeah, that's kind of my job
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467. Now.
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468. Hank, I'm gonna do a white load,
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469. So make sure all your panties
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470. Are in the hamper!
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471. Panties?
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472. y-you know, their little...
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473. Underpanties.
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474. That's what I — hey, uh, what
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475. You eating there?
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476. Uh, skittles.
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477. can I have some?
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478. One? A skittle?
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479. I have to thank you for
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480. Putting up with all this.
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481. You know, the monarch just jumps
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482. Into things.
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483. He doesn't mean to do it to us,
Copy !req
484. But he's —
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485. Our leader.
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486. I am his henchman.
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487. oh, come on, 21.
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488. You're not just one of the
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489. Drones.
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490. You're different.
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491. Am I?
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492. I had dreams once, and I've
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493. Given them to the monarch.
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494. I even bought my own costume.
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495. I was saving up for a monster
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496. Truck, or maybe for
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497. Patrick swayze's leather jacket
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498. From "road house."
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499. Or, I don't know, have
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500. Rockapella perform for the guys.
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501. But I'm out of dreams.
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502. look, I know that we all have
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503. Numbers in this game.
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504. We're supposed to just forget
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505. That we make people die.
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506. But when it hits home, I-it's
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507. Hard.
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508. Gary, you've seen too much.
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509. I've seen my only real
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510. Friend die.
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511. I've seen a giant penny roll
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512. Over a guy dressed like a
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513. Rainbow.
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514. I've seen the donkey kong kill
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515. Screen.
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516. I've seen attack ships on fire
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517. Off the shoulder of orion.
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518. oh, g-a-r-y!
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519. You ain't got no alibi!
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520. You're gary! What, what?
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521. You're gary!
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522. Okay, I have not seen
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523. That ever.
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524. Oh, sweet!
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525. My kind of scene!
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526. what are you waiting for?
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527. call me.
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528. why be alone tonight?
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529. just pick up the phone.
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530. I'm waiting for you.
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531. what's your sleep number?
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532. I'm just a phone
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533. Call away.
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534. welcome to the rusty's
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535. Invisible harem.
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536. My name is id, and I am master
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537. Here.
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538. If I knew you were
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539. Hiding this, I would not have
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540. Been hanging out with him the
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541. Whole time.
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542. ha-ha-ha!
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543. These ladies are not for you.
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544. They are for the rusty.
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545. The rusty could have any of
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546. These women if he just put in
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547. The effort.
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548. Lindsay wagner? Really?
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549. yes!
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550. The rusty met lindsay wagner at
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551. A party.
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552. She was totally into the rusty.
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553. Witty banter was shared.
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554. But the rusty did not seal the
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555. Deal.
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556. This was because the rusty was
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557. Tired.
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558. Only because of this —
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559. We only seek
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560. Passage to master control.
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561. My friends and I do not desire
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562. The rusty's women.
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563. ha-ha-ha!
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564. You could not have these women.
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565. You lack the flare of the rusty.
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566. You have not the skill and
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567. Rakish good looks of the rusty.
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568. Yes, master id.
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569. I have seen the rusty work his
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570. Exquisite juju with women.
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571. It is a thing of beauty.
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572. ah! You speak the truth.
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573. I will show you to the next
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574. Level of the rusty, but only if
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575. You please me.
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576. We shall do your
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577. Bidding.
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578. the flying baby shall make
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579. Love to the black specter.
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580. Yes, yes!
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581. They shall make sweet, sensual
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582. Love for me.
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583. Oh, no way!
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584. Out of the question.
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585. Oh, you ask too
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586. Much of us, master id.
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587. This is thanatos and eros.
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588. They are love and death.
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589. To have them copulate is
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590. Impossible.
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591. Huge understatement.
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592. then they shall merely kiss.
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593. And they shall use their
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594. Tongues.
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595. This, I command!
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596. I'll do it if he
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597. Does.
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598. Yeah, I bet you will.
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599. Oh, yeah.
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600. Like I want to do it.
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601. and there shall be laughing
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602. And mirth.
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603. And also ass grabbing.
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604. Dude, just do it!
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605. He's upping the ante!
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606. Will you just kiss me already?
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607. Time is of the
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608. Essence!
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609. I demand kissing!
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610. And also I demand at least
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611. Second base!
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612. oh, come on.
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613. You think the monarch mind
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614. Infractor is the only mess he's
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615. Gotten me into?
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616. He calls it the monarch
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617. Mind infractor?
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618. Why not the monarch mind
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619. Machine, or the monarch mind
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620. Mutilator?
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621. Because that is way cooler.
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622. oh, it has alliteration.
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623. I know. But that's the monarch.
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624. Oh, thank you.
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625. We must drink.
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626. This is tranya.
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627. I hope you relish it as much
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628. As I.
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629. Oh, my god!
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630. You know the corbomite maneuver!
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631. sure.
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632. I used to love the old
Copy !req
633. "star treks."
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634. It's kind of hard to forget
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635. Ron howard's brother.
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636. Right?
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637. He was such a creepy kid.
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638. You act like I
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639. Wanted to make out with you.
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640. You did!
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641. You were into it!
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642. You grabbed my nipple!
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643. That's what second
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644. Base is!
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645. I had to!
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646. Gentlemen,
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647. Please.
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648. I presume you are the rusty's
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649. Ego?
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650. you got it.
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651. And the little guy's eros, the
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652. Jerk who made the rusty join
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653. Match.Com.
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654. He's got to at least
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655. Try to get some loving.
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656. and the one with the umbrella
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657. Is thanatos, the jerk who made
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658. The rusty quit match.Com.
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659. Hey, many of these
Copy !req
660. Women could be murderous gold
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661. Diggers, or, at the very least,
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662. Carriers of chlamydia.
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663. you want me to help these
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664. Two?
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665. They're my biggest problem.
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666. And those rotten things.
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667. Scat! Shoo!
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668. Whoever you are, get out.
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669. We want only
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670. Passage to master control to
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671. Save the rusty.
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672. He has been taken over by an
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673. Intruder.
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674. If you help us, we are at your
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675. Bidding.
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676. oh, you want to get to the
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677. Next level?
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678. Okay. Help me fix this.
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679. the guy was all but crawling
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680. Already, mind you, but the boy
Copy !req
681. Was still able to squeeze off
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682. Two good leg shots.
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683. Hank did that?
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684. yeah, for a... Hank, he's not
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685. A bad shot.
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686. Thanks to me.
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687. You guys!
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688. Dean's hurt or something!
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689. He's running around the yard
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690. Screaming!
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691. Come on!
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692. I'll deal with this.
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693. hell no!
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694. I'll deal with this.
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695. Why are you not
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696. Insane yet?
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697. What does it take?
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698. it is getting hot in
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699. Here.
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700. and then he just
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701. Ran away, and I'm standing there
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702. For like three hours before I
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703. Just left.
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704. Did you
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705. Ever think, like, maybe you
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706. Could do better?
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707. hmm.
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708. Can you do better than a man you
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709. Adore and who really needs you?
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710. Well, maybe like a man
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711. Who needs you and would treat
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712. You like the amazing woman you
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713. Are — like a perfect beauty
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714. Center with a coating made of
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715. Perfect-smart candy.
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716. Someone like that.
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717. oh, come on. That's silly.
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718. Like who?
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719. Oh, maybe like...
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720. Like me.
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721. I-I-it just keeps
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722. Falling apart.
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723. Where's the dracula guy?
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724. how do you know that guy?
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725. Just showed up.
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726. Hey, don't you have any glue
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727. Or something?
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728. I'm back!
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729. And I've brought help.
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730. who are they?
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731. They are here to
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732. Assist your labors.
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733. You must believe me.
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734. They can help mend your little
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735. Boy.
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736. yeah? Okay.
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737. Then you may pass.
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738. Dude, how did you
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739. Get those from the id?
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740. I beg you not to
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741. Ask.
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742. Aah! Oh! Get them off!
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743. Oh, please! Oh, my gosh!
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744. what's going on?
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745. don't look at me.
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746. Hank and I are just tossing the
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747. Ball around, then this guy
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748. Starts running around like that.
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749. Take it easy, dean.
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750. What happened?
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751. I don't know!
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752. Just make it stop!
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753. It's burning!
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754. hello! Here's your problem.
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755. Genius here has a whole ant
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756. Colony on his ass.
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757. Oh, geez, dean.
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758. You sat in the black dirt,
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759. Didn't you?
Copy !req
760. and solved.
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761. Okay, who's up for another game?
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762. What was that?
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763. oh, relax. It's just sprite.
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764. sprite? That's sugar!
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765. They eat that.
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766. You just fed the ants.
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767. Aaaaah!
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768. Am I going through
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769. Menopause, or is it getting
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770. Really hot in here?
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771. The rusty is
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772. Dying.
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773. We may be too late!
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774. the rusty is dying?
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775. And you came for my help?
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776. Well, aren't you
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777. The super ego?
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778. Of course, good man.
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779. It's just
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780. It's just that I haven't been
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781. Called upon in quite some time.
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782. Then rally!
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783. You are what is strong and true
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784. In the rusty!
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785. Get us to master control, and
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786. Help us banish the intruder!
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787. that's it?
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788. Easy!
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789. Master control.
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790. That easy.
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791. Whoa! All the doors are open!
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792. That's new.
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793. Well, every door but that one,
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794. And it's the only door I can't
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795. Open.
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796. Looks like we're
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797. Gonna die.
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798. Knew it.
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799. Is there any
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800. Other way in?
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801. theoretically, if you could
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802. Get through the tragic-memory
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803. Ducts, they lead everywhere.
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804. Capital!
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805. I have an idea.
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806. You will go to the origin of
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807. These ducts, and you must bring
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808. Eros.
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809. Your strength and his love will
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810. Be the bait.
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811. Once you reach the duct, you two
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812. Will combine your...
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813. daddy?
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814. daddy?
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815. daddy?
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816. What the?
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817. Aah! Ew! No!
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818. Get the hell away from me!
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819. No! No! No-o-o-o-o!
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820. W-w-what's going on?
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821. nothing.
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822. Anymore.
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823. oh, that is humiliating.
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824. Y-y-you can't just hose him like
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825. A convict.
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826. Oh, will you stop it?
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827. The kid's got ants on his ass!
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828. This is how you deal with the
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829. Problem!
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830. those boys are not your
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831. Problem, samson!
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832. They're my problem!
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833. You're both
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834. Wrong.
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835. Those boys are my problem.
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836. Brock, turn off the hose.
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837. Dean, get up and get in the
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838. Shower.
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839. Hank, stop giggling at your
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840. Brother.
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841. Hatred, what the hell is
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842. Connected to my chest?
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843. And shoreleave...
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844. I don't know, go do... Something.
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845. Ugh. I have a huge headache.
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846. Are you okay?
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847. Dr. O said you're probably
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848. Insane now and that you'll never
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849. Be the same.
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850. Are you kidding?
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851. Okay, I'm just turning 16 and
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852. Having a birthday pool party.
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853. My father invites every girl he
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854. Knows, and I'm not talking about
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855. Girls my age.
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856. No, not jonas.
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857. He invites playboy bunnies and
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858. Models and, I think, actual
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859. Whores — you know, real
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860. Prostitutes.
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861. So there I am in my giant
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862. Bathing suit with nervous
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863. Puberty oozing out of my
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864. Gigantic pores.
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865. Just — just awful.
Copy !req
866. So, the band suddenly stops
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867. Playing and I hear "and now the
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868. Man of the hour, rusty venture!"
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869. All eyes on me, right?
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870. Then suddenly, almost
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871. Predictably, the action man
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872. Shoots my groin with a shrink
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873. Jackass colonel gentleman pulls
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874. My shorts down.
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875. Wow.
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876. That's like a nightmare.
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877. Oh, no! No!
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878. What I went through today was
Copy !req
879. "like a nightmare."
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880. What happened when I was 16,
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881. That is my life.
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