The Venture Bros. 4x13

1. - 300 miles above the earth,

2. Dr. Jonas venture jr.

3. Is hard at work on his

4. Gargantua-2 space station.

5. His life hangs by a thin oxygen

6. Tube...

7. Manufactured by a recently

8. Acquired subsidiary of

9. Impossible industries.

10. Meanwhile, closer to home,

11. Girl hitler addresses the

12. General assembly of the

13. United nations, but she is

14. Instantly killed when her

15. Microphone suffers a short.

16. Elsewhere, the monarch visits

17. His local ATM, only to discover

18. His trust fund is empty.

19. His bank, also recently

20. Acquired by

21. Impossible industries, has just

22. Been robbed — and they're not

23. FDIC.

24. Tempestuous as he is foolish, he

25. Blames his wife, but she's

26. Already dead, murdered by a pair

27. Of well-placed sleeper agents

28. Within the monarch's own ranks

29. But made to look like the work

30. Of a lowly, lovelorn henchman

31. Who has, of late, exhibited

32. Signs of instability.

33. And all the while, the guild of

34. Calamitous intent loses member

35. After member to sudden

36. Mysterious deaths, and the

37. Weight of failure is simply too

38. Heavy for the sovereign's thin

39. White shoulders to bear.

40. What do these hapless fools all

41. Have in common?

42. They dared to betray the members

43. Of the revenge society!

44. So, what do you think?

45. - hmm.

46. Frankly, it's a little... Killy.

47. - I like it.

48. I'm in.

49. - hey, and are we married to

50. That name — "revenge society"?

51. I was thinking perhaps

52. "the violet hour."

53. That's T.S. Eliot.

54. - Oh, that's

55. Awful.

56. It sounds like we should be

57. Headlining the lilith festival.

58. - I was thinking

59. Maybe "the purple pros" because

60. We all wear the purple und —

61. - The name stays.

62. And you don't get a vote,

63. Werner — not till you've first

64. Proved your loyalty.

65. - just a formality.

66. - Ja, I understand.

67. We have a similar ritual in the

68. Elite underlandian guard.

69. - Oh, dear god.

70. - mother of pearl!

71. - What?

72. - oh, we — we just wanted you

73. To sign...

74. A piece of, uh...

75. Uh, just a minute!

76. Violet hour, hide!

77. And take him with you!

78. - Three pipin'-hot coffees

79. Just the way you like 'em.

80. Excelsior, faithful readers!

81. It's your roving reporter,

82. Deanie v., bringing you the

83. Latest edition of the

84. "venture home news," all the way

85. From new york city, home of the

86. World-famous impossible

87. Industries, where yours truly

88. Has just landed a summer

89. Internship.

90. I thought maybe pop pulled some

91. Strings to get me accepted, but

92. The nice-smelling lady who hired me

93. Said she'd never heard of him.

94. And, boy, professor impossible

95. Sure was surprised to see me.

96. Yeah, I never got the feeling he

97. Liked me very much before, but

98. On my very first day on the job,

99. He promoted me to his executive

100. Assistant.

101. Guess they're a little

102. Short-staffed at the moment.

103. Uh, maybe the recession?

104. So far, I haven't gotten to do

105. Any science stuff, uh, but

106. That's okay.

107. Mostly I answer phones, sort mail

108. Make sure he gets his morning coffee,

109. Just the way he likes it — with milk and

110. Sugar — and also one black and

111. Also one black with two sugars.

112. It's no wonder he's so jumpy.

113. Then again, he might just be

114. Nervous about the big new

115. Project he's launching.

116. It's so super-hush-hush secret,

117. Though, even I don't know what

118. It is yet.

119. So, let me tell you about my new

120. Home.

121. Making it in new york on an

122. Unpaid intern's un-salary is

123. Pretty tough, but hank found me

124. A rent-controlled apartment in

125. The want ads.

126. The ad said it was cozy, and

127. The landlord said a guy died in

128. Here, but with a little thrifty

129. Redecorating, I've managed to

130. Make it a home.

131. I don't have much money for

132. Entertainment, so most nights I

133. Just stay home and make my own

134. Fun.

135. I also learned to cook for

136. Myself, and the k rations

137. Sergeant hatred left me should

138. Last me all summer long.

139. Well, that's about all the time

140. I have for this edition of the

141. "venture home news."

142. This is deanie v., saying see

143. You next time, venture-oos!

144. Who is it?

145. - Open up, boy.

146. I think the rats can smell the

147. Combos in my bag.

148. Hello, son!

149. - Daddy!

150. - Surprised to see

151. Me?

152. Oh, geez, look at this place.

153. What, are you waiting for

154. Jacob riis to take your picture?

155. - What are you doing

156. Here?

157. - I got hooked!

158. I'm bonkers for broadway!

159. Yeah, after hatred and I took in

160. "the music man" last week, I

161. Bought my walkman back from

162. Hank's store and loaded it up

163. With show tunes.

164. Now I can't get enough of that

165. Sweet stuff.

166. - Hank has a store?

167. - Ooh!

168. I want to take in all the big

169. Shows.

170. Oh, do you mind if I crash here

171. For about a week?

172. - A week?

173. I don't know if there's room

174. Here for —

175. - I get it.

176. You're worried the old man's

177. Gonna cramp your style.

178. Here, look — whenever you want

179. The place to yourself, just tie

180. This around the doorknob, and

181. Presto — no moleste — old

182. College trick.

183. In fact, I think this is my tie

184. From college.

185. My lucky tie — meow.

186. Yeah, only it goes on the

187. Outside.

188. - Well I sure

189. Would love to catch up with you,

190. Pop, but I have work in the

191. Morning, so I —

192. - Well, go on.

193. Go on.

194. Don't let me get in your way.

195. Just go about your business.

196. You'll never even know I was

197. Here.

198. Oh, don't mind me.

199. I had this dynamite idea for a

200. New musical.

201. Just wanted to jot down a few

202. Notes before I forget them.

203. Okay...

204. - Ahh.

205. Ohh. Ugh!

206. - say, baron underbheit, what's

207. All the hubbub?

208. - Ohh!

209. I just want to arch my nemesis,

210. But I can't understand all these

211. Forms!

212. Und I can't get anyone from the

213. Guild on the phone.

214. - Sounds like you

215. Two need the revenge society.

216. Now, uh, gentlemen, before we

217. Start interviewing potential

218. Candidates, you need to keep one

219. Thing in mind — "s.P.A.W.M."

220. - That awful comic

221. Book?

222. - oh, and that movie?

223. What was martin sheen thinking?

224. - Not "spawn."

225. S.P.A.W.M. — It's an acronym

226. For the classic panoply of

227. Powers every professional

228. Villain team needs — speed,

229. Power, air, water, magic.

230. The "w" can also stand for

231. "wind" or "weather," but you

232. Definitely need at least one

233. Elemental in the mix.

234. - Ooh, like a fire

235. Guy — that would be cool.

236. - well, guess what, chicken

237. Butt, fellas — good news.

238. - aah!

239. - eh? What'd I tell you?

240. Yes, sir.

241. Thanks to this little dynamo,

242. Impossible industries is 100%

243. Green!

244. - And you didn't

245. Think you had it in you to be a

246. Supervillain.

247. This is the most deliciously

248. Evil thing I've ever seen.

249. - Uh,

250. Professor impossible?

251. I'm taking my lunch now.

252. - Psst!

253. Psst!

254. Dean?

255. Dean, over here!

256. Sit down and act natural.

257. - I thought you were

258. Taking me to lunch.

259. - Better yet —

260. I brought lunch to you.

261. Sack lunch — here you go.

262. We're sharing the fries.

263. Anyway, I have an ulterior

264. Motive for asking you here.

265. I need you to perform a little,

266. Uh, shall we say, industrial

267. Espionage.

268. Pop, even if I knew what

269. Professor impossible's big

270. Secret project was, I'm not

271. Allowed to —

272. - Not that. Wait.

273. He's working on a secret

274. Project?

275. What is it?

276. Oh, whatever. Never mind.

277. Just take this.

278. I'm gonna need two dozen copies,

279. Stapled and collated.

280. And be sure each one gets one of

281. These.

282. - What is this?

283. - My musical!

284. I finished it!

285. It's all about my childhood, my

286. Adventures...

287. I'm gonna hit every agent and

288. Producer in town.

289. - dred scott!

290. What is he doing here?

291. - Well, you were

292. The one eavesdropping.

293. - he mumbled something about

294. Industrial espionage, and then

295. He just kept talking about

296. "annie get your gun."

297. Do you think it's some type of

298. Code?

299. He's on to us.

300. - You're both

301. Being paranoid.

302. Don't you see what this is?

303. This is opportunity knocking at

304. Our door.

305. Who disfigured you for life and

306. Helped girl hitler steal your

307. Throne?

308. Who seduced your wife, then

309. Passed her off to his brother

310. For sloppy seconds?

311. I'll tell you who — the very

312. Same cretin who allied with his

313. Own enemies to thwart me at

314. Cremation creek and the battle

315. For the orb.

316. Gentlemen, the revenge society

317. Just landed its first

318. Assignment — kill dr. Venture!

319. - what? Like, right now?

320. - Mmm. Oh.

321. Oh! Curtain's in 10 minutes.

322. Better hail a cab.

323. Taxi!

324. Now, I still have to write all

325. The music, but the real trick

326. Will be finding a good rusty.

327. I need someone with a voice,

328. Real stage presence, sex appeal.

329. Oh, and I'm probably gonna have

330. To stay in town for an extra

331. Week or two.

332. - Oh, I don't know, pop.

333. - Oh, no, I

334. Wouldn't dream of asking you,

335. Son.

336. I mean, you look the part.

337. but you're a

338. Terrible actor.

339. - No. What?

340. I-I mean —

341. - Just awful.

342. Look, we can talk about it at

343. Home tonight, okay?

344. Have fun at work, son.

345. Oh, make those copies.

346. Broadway district, and step on

347. It.

348. - hey!

349. Coming up next on taxi tv, we've

350. Got great places around the city

351. To eat, and we'll be talking to

352. A local man...

353. - Ugh.

354. Touch screens never work.

355. - Greetings,

356. Dr. Venture.

357. This is the revenge society.

358. Now that I have your undivided

359. Attention, listen to me very

360. Carefully.

361. We have — hello?

362. Are you listening to me?

363. - Um...

364. Uh, wh—

365. - now we're cooking with gas.

366. - Nighty-night,

367. Dr. Venture.

368. Pleasant screams.

369. - gah!

370. Whoa!

371. End of the line, sir.

372. Please remember to take all your

373. Personal belongings and be sure

374. To tip your driver.

375. - What?

376. This is funny to you?

377. I just almost got killed.

378. Get the hell out of my way.

379. I'm gonna miss the overture.

380. - tourists.

381. - Okay, that was

382. Crap.

383. What the hell happened there?

384. - I can't believe he ditched

385. The cab fare.

386. Zounds!

387. That venture is wily prey!

388. - Why on earth

389. Did you put the sleep gas in the

390. Front of the cab?

391. I thought you were supposed to

392. Be a genius!

393. - well, I've never done this

394. Kind of thing before.

395. It's our first mission as a

396. Team.

397. There are bound to be a few

398. Hiccups.

399. Let's not squabble, hamilton.

400. - Very well.

401. Positives?

402. On the up side, werner did an

403. Excellent job as the cabbie —

404. Until you gassed him!

405. - all right, that's just

406. Passive-aggressive, friend.

407. I see exactly what you're doing

408. There.

409. - Sorry I'm late,

410. Professor impossible.

411. You see, my dad stopped by for

412. Lunch and the —

413. Phantom limb!

414. - What the hell was

415. That *bleep* out there?

416. - Baron underbeit!

417. - now, now, dean, this isn't

418. What it appears, so let's all

419. Try to just keep calm.

420. - Aah!

421. - hot sandwich!

422. You've murdered the venture boy.

423. Huh?

424. Aah!

425. - ah, good.

426. You're up.

427. - Oh, thank goodness.

428. You got away from them?

429. - oh, no, dean.

430. Those fellows are with me.

431. - Aah!

432. - I think maybe it's time I let

433. Someone in on my big secret

434. Project.

435. - phantom limb: Our secret

436. Project.

437. - you see, I've known werner

438. There since he was a student of

439. Mine.

440. And hamilton and I go all the

441. Way back to your grandfather's

442. Boys' brigade days.

443. But their lives took a different

444. Turn when they both suffered

445. Horrible, disfiguring accidents

446. Which left them unable to work.

447. They soon found themselves on

448. The wrong side of the law just

449. To make ends meet.

450. And now that they've served

451. Their time, they're looking for

452. A way to become useful,

453. Productive members of society

454. Again — only no one will hire

455. Them because of their criminal

456. Records.

457. Now, does that sound like the

458. America you want to live in,

459. Young dean?

460. - No, sir.

461. - me neither, youngster.

462. So, that's why, starting

463. Tomorrow, impossible industries

464. Is launching the impossi-care

465. Second chance employment

466. Program.

467. - That's what all the

468. Secrecy was about?

469. - of course.

470. What?

471. You didn't think I went all evil

472. Or something, did you?

473. Oh, that is rich.

474. How long have you been working

475. For me for me now, anyway?

476. - About a week.

477. - well, I think you're way

478. Overdue for a promotion.

479. - I-I am?

480. - yes, sirree.

481. Starting tomorrow, I'm making

482. You our new head of human

483. Resources!

484. - Really?

485. - good night, lad!

486. Remember — promotion, human

487. Resources, me not evil!

488. Good night!

489. - Wow.

490. Ow!

491. - Sorry.

492. Th-there was a prowler on the

493. Fire escape earlier.

494. Did you make my copies?

495. - Okay, people, I want

496. Two orderly lines!

497. If your name starts with "a"

498. Through "j," I want you to line

499. Up over here to my left.

500. K's through r's, you're on the

501. Right.

502. - what if your name starts with

503. No earthly letter?

504. - Ugh.

505. I thought manhattan was the

506. Epicenter of supervillainy.

507. It looks more like the island of

508. Misfit toys out there.

509. - Come on.

510. Give me some room here.

511. - well, it wasn't designed for

512. Three.

513. Who knew?

514. Okay, dean, who's first?

515. - polygamy! Mr. Polygamy!

516. And this is mrs. Polygamy,

517. Mrs. Polygamy, mrs. Polygamy,

518. And mrs. Polygamy.

519. - so, what exactly does

520. Magic underwear do?

521. - chuk-luk!

522. Zhhhhh.

523. - Um, was something

524. Supposed to happen?

525. - you didn't see that?

526. I just grew bigger.

527. - No, you didn't.

528. - I did — like, at least

529. 2 inches, maybe 3.

530. He saw it.

531. - I think, um...

532. Yes, I think he might have.

533. - No.

534. Look! Look — he's on his toes!

535. - fat chance.

536. And before you make your little

537. Weight-ist judgments, I got this

538. Way 'cause of a botched

539. Scientific experiment.

540. - you are preaching to the

541. Choir, friend.

542. - tell me about it.

543. - yeah, so, basically the

544. Accident transformed my body

545. Into a portal to another

546. Dimension, and now I can pull

547. Stuff out of time and space

548. Through my duodenum.

549. Boom.

550. - And you find

551. That... Useful?

552. - sometimes.

553. - ladyhawk johnson, and the

554. Little fella buzzing in your ear

555. There is my husband and partner

556. Of 40 years, mr. Lyndon bee.

557. - And what are

558. Your special powers?

559. - well, by night, I turn into a

560. Hawk, but by day, he's a bee,

561. And never the twain shall meet,

562. Except during a eclipse, of

563. Course!

564. - well, of course, we'll have

565. To interview mr. Bee separately,

566. When he's, um...

567. - Not a bee.

568. - well, tell him "hi" for me,

569. Will you?

570. - so, um, I-I-I can't seem to

571. Find your résumé.

572. Uh, dean, can you bring me the

573. Paperwork on, uh —

574. What was your name again?

575. - So, um, how did

576. You hear about

577. The revenge society?

578. - Uh... Where might

579. We know some of your work from?

580. - aah!

581. - He's not on the list.

582. I-I'm sorr

583. I don't know how he got in here.

584. - and he's got a knife...

585. Super power.

586. - brick frog!

587. - Thank you!

588. Ugh. Worse than useless.

589. Hardly any of them are worthy of

590. The revenge society.

591. - dean, that'll be all for

592. Today.

593. - Uh, you still have one

594. More interview, sir.

595. This gentleman's been waiting

596. Since sundown.

597. Phew.

598. - What?

599. Ew.

600. - Yes!

601. Quick — what's the most popular

602. Musical in germany?

603. - What? Uh —

604. - "starlight

605. Express," exactly!

606. Whoo!

607. Yeah, roller skates — the whole

608. Cast.

609. "rust!" needs a gimmick to hook

610. The foreign investors.

611. - But why did you —

612. - Oh, that?

613. Yeah, it kept getting caught in

614. My wheel, so I just tossed it

615. Out there with the rest of

616. The —

617. Oh! You — you thought I was —

618. He knows his old man.

619. - Why is this here?

620. - It was blocking

621. My center stage.

622. - I have to go to the

623. Toilet!

624. - Number one?

625. Use the tub. That's what I do.

626. - Urrrrgh!

627. - Oh, mein gott,

628. You guys will never guess what I

629. Found on the copy machine.

630. - Oh!

631. Oh, that's good. That's good.

632. - that guy bothering you?

633. - Kind of.

634. - shh. I understand.

635. You can't talk.

636. You need help.

637. Just blink twice if he's your

638. Pimp.

639. - No. What?

640. No, he's my dad.

641. - oh.

642. So, uh, what brings you two to

643. The big apple, then?

644. - Well, I got this

645. Internship at

646. Impossible industries, but —

647. - superscience, huh?

648. Yeah, I used to be in that

649. Racket myself.

650. - Really?

651. Why'd you give it up?

652. - pfft. You're lookin' at it.

653. Yeah, I had a little mishap in

654. The lab back when I was working

655. On my irradiated spider

656. Thesis — kind of soured me on

657. The whole superscience deal.

658. - Mm.

659. Yeah, I'm not really sure I want

660. To be a superscientist, either,

661. But my dad really wants me to

662. Follow in his footsteps.

663. - yeah, I can see why you

664. Really wouldn't want to do that.

665. But, hey, you're working with

666. Professor impossible now.

667. That's "a"-list.

668. You could practically write your

669. Own ticket.

670. - Yeah, you'd think,

671. Right?

672. I mean, I thought things would

673. Be different there, but it's

674. Just the same old story — do

675. Nothing all day.

676. Then a bunch of guys in costumes

677. Come out and bother you.

678. I could get that at home.

679. - hmm.

680. Sounds like somebody would

681. Rather be doing something else.

682. - What I really want to

683. Be is a boy reporter.

684. - I'm — I'm sorry.

685. What is that enchanting music?

686. - Daddy?

687. Daddy, I need to talk to you.

688. - I've given it a lot of

689. Thought, and I've come to a

690. Decision.

691. Are you listening?

692. - Fine.

693. - Ever done any

694. Musical theater?

695. - well, I was in

696. "sound of music" when I was a kid

697. Oh, and I have perfect spider pitch.

698. - I've found my

699. Rusty.

700. - Hello?

701. - dr. Venture?

702. - Yes, this is

703. Thaddeus s. Venture.

704. To whom am I speaking?

705. - yeah, this is, uh,

706. Frank bigtime from, uh,

707. Bigtime productions.

708. I just read your "rust!" script,

709. And I got to tell you — I think

710. It's dynamite stuff.

711. Can you come in for a meeting?

712. - Uh, sure! When?

713. - how about right now?

714. - Well, now works

715. For me, too.

716. Where are you at?

717. - impossible plaza.

718. - Impossible

719. Plaza?

720. I guess I'm not the only

721. Superscientist who needs renters

722. To pay the mortgage, huh?

723. - what?

724. - Oh, nothing.

725. I'll be there.

726. Taxi!

727. Impossible plaza, and step on

728. It.

729. - You got it,

730. Buddy.

731. - Uh, hello?

732. Hello?

733. - What?

734. - Hello? Hello?

735. Hello?

736. - Thank you for

737. Coming on such short notice,

738. Dr. Venture

739. - Phantom limb?

740. Wait.

741. You're — you're a producer now?

742. - Yes, and the

743. Reviews are in.

744. I'm afraid rusty will be ending

745. His run on broadway tonight.

746. Of course, I'll have to consult

747. With my partners first.

748. - think you're getting out of

749. Here alive, slim?

750. Fat chance!

751. - you shall not seek — and I

752. Will not accept — your escape.

753. - Aah!

754. - Going down?

755. - boo!

756. - Take a bow,

757. Dr. Venture!

758. This is your final curtain call!

759. - Aah!

760. - Way to go, new

761. Guy!

762. - what?

763. I couldn't see your invisible

764. Leg!

765. Why the hell's it got to be so

766. Dark in here, anyway, huh?

767. - Uh...

768. Ah!

769. - Where di—

770. What — where in blazes did he

771. Go?

772. - aw, geez.

773. Aw, he must have got sucked into

774. My enigma hole.

775. - cody?

776. - aah!

777. - Uh, remain calm, sir!

778. I will save you!

779. - aah! Aah! Aah!

780. - Don't — stop, drop,

781. And roll!

782. Stop, drop, and roll!

783. Sir!

784. - aah! Aah!

785. - Wait!

786. - aah!

787. - Wait!

788. Wait, man on fire!

789. - hey, I told you — I don't

790. Know where it goes, okay?

791. It's completely random.

792. This one time, during a bank

793. Heist, I pulled a slip 'n slide,

794. The beach boys' "pet sounds,"

795. And half a freakin' roman legion

796. Out of there.

797. - aah!

798. - Fire,

799. Professor impossible!

800. It's fire!

801. Please exit the building via the

802. Fire stairs in a calm,

803. Orderly manner.

804. - quickly, gentlemen — to the

805. Impossi-car!

806. - But I thought we

807. Were calling it

808. The revenge mobile now.

809. - Hey.

810. - Hey.

811. - How was your summer?

812. - Well, I think I may

813. Have watched my career in

814. Superscience go up in smoke.

815. But I may have managed to pull

816. My dreams from the ashes.

817. How was yours?

818. - Oh, from what I hear,

819. It was amazing.

820. - H-have you seen pop?

821. He left new york without even

822. Saying goodbye.

823. Daddy?

824. - puh!

825. You should be so lucky.

826. - Ow!

827. All right, let's just take it

828. Easy.

829. - you just zip it, mister!

830. And keep to your own dimension

831. From now on.

832. - Fine.

833. I don't even like your

834. Dimension, anyway.

835. It's an asshole dimension.

836. How do you like that?

837. - oh, nicpotty mouth in front

838. Of the boys.

839. Look, you're the dean of this

840. Dimension, right?

841. Explain to the untalented

842. Mr. Ripley here he can't just

843. Waltz into my dimension and try

844. To kill me with a rock and

845. Replace me just because I happen

846. To have more hair, more money,

847. And a hit play on broadway!