The Venture Bros. 4x13

1. "300 miles above the Earth"

2. "Dr. Jonas Venture Jr. is hard at work"

3. "on his Gargantua-2 space station."

4. "His life hangs by a thin oxygen tube..."

5. "manufactured by a recently acquired subsidiary of Impossible Industries."

6. "Meanwhile, closer to home"

7. "Girl Hitler addresses the General Assembly"

8. "of the United Nations but she is instantly killed"

9. "when her microphone suffers a short."

10. "Elsewhere, the Monarch visits his local ATM,"

11. "only to discover his trust fund is empty."

12. "His bank, also recently acquired by Impossible Industries"

13. "has just been robbed... and they're not FDIC."

14. "Tempestuous as he is foolish he blames his wife"

15. "but she's already dead"

16. "murdered by a pair of well-placed sleeper agents"

17. "within the Monarch's own ranks but made to look like the work"

18. "of a lowly, lovelorn henchman"

19. "who has, of late, exhibited signs of instability."

20. "And all the while," the Guild of Calamitous Intent"

21. "loses member after member to sudden mysterious deaths"

22. "and the weight of failure is simply too heavy"

23. "for the Sovereign's thin white shoulders to bear."

24. What do these hapless fools all have in common?

25. They dared to betray the members of the Revenge Society!

26. So, what do you think?

27. - Frankly, it's a little... killy. - I like it. I'm in.

28. Hey, and are we married to that name "Revenge Society"?

29. I was thinking perhaps "The Violet Hour."

30. - That's T.S. Eliot. - Oh, that's awful.

31. It sounds like we should be headlining the Lilith Festival.

32. I was thinking maybe "The Purple Pros"

33. because we all wear the purple und...

34. The name stays. And you don't get a vote, Werner...

35. not till you've first proved your loyalty.

36. - Just a formality. - Ja, I understand.

37. We have a similar ritual in the Elite Underlandian Guard.

38. - Oh, dear God. - Mother of pearl!

39. - What? - Oh, we ...

40. we just wanted you to sign... a piece of, uh...

41. just a minute! Violet Hour, hide!

42. And take him with you!

43. Three pipin'-hot coffees just the way you like 'em.

44. "Excelsior, faithful readers! It's your roving reporter, Deanie V."

45. "bringing you the latest edition of the Venture Home News"

46. "all the way from New York City"

47. "home of the world-famous Impossible Industries"

48. "where yours truly has just landed a summer internship."

49. "I thought maybe Pop pulled some strings to get me accepted"

50. "but the nice-smelling lady who hired me said she'd never heard of him."

51. "And, boy, Professor Impossible sure was surprised to see me."

52. "Yeah, I never got the feeling he liked me very much before"

53. "but on my very first day on the job"

54. "he promoted me to his executive assistant."

55. "Guess they're a little short-staffed at the moment."

56. "Uh, maybe the recession?"

57. "So far, I haven't gotten to do any science stuff"

58. "but that's okay. Mostly I answer phones, sort mail"

59. "and make sure he gets his morning coffee, just the way he likes it..."

60. "with milk and sugar..."

61. "and also one black and also one black with two sugars."

62. "It's no wonder he's so jumpy Then again, he might just be nervous"

63. "about the big new project he's launching."

64. "It's so super-hush-hush secret, though"

65. "even I don't know what it is yet."

66. "So, let me tell you about my new home."

67. "Making it in New York on an unpaid intern's un-salary is pretty tough"

68. "but Hank found me a rent-controlled apartment in the want ads."

69. "The ad said it was cozy"

70. "and the landlord said a guy died in here"

71. "but with a little thrifty redecorating"

72. "I've managed to make it a home."

73. "I don't have much money for entertainment"

74. "so most nights I just stay home and make my own fun."

75. "I also learned to cook for myself"

76. "and the K rations Srgt Hatred left me should last me all summer long."

77. "Well, that's about all the time I have"

78. "for this edition of the Venture Home News."

79. "This is Deanie V. saying see you next time, Venture-oos!"

80. - Who is it? - Open up, boy.

81. I think the rats can smell the combos in my bag.

82. - Hello, son! - Daddy!

83. Surprised to see me? Oh, geez, look at this place.

84. What, are you waiting for Jacob Riis to take your picture?

85. - What are you doing here? - I got hooked!

86. I'm bonkers for Broadway!

87. Yeah, after Hatred and I took in "The Music Man" last week

88. I bought my walkman back from Hank's store

89. and loaded it up with show tunes.

90. Now I can't get enough of that sweet stuff.

91. - Hank has a store? - I want to take in all the big shows.

92. Oh, do you mind if I crash here for about a week?

93. A week? I don't know if there's room here...

94. I get it. You're worried the old man's gonna cramp your style.

95. Here, look... whenever you want the place to yourself

96. just tie this around the doorknob

97. and presto... no moleste... old college trick.

98. In fact, I think this is my tie from college.

99. My lucky tie... meow.

100. Yeah, only it goes on the outside.

101. Well, I sure would love to catch up with you, Pop

102. but I have work in the morning, so I...

103. Well, go on. Go on. Don't let me get in your way.

104. Just go about your business. You'll never even know I was here.

105. Oh, don't mind me. I had this dynamite idea for a new musical.

106. Just wanted to jot down a few notes before I forget them.

107. Okay...

108. Say, Baron Underbheit what's all the hubbub?

109. I just want to arch my nemesis

110. but I can't understand all these forms!

111. Und I can't get anyone from The Guild on the phone.

112. Sounds like you two need The Revenge Society.

113. Now, uh, gentlemen, before we start interviewing potential candidates

114. You need to keep one thing in mind... "S.P.A.W.M."

115. - That awful comic book? - Oh, and that movie?

116. - What was Martin Sheen thinking? - Not "Spawn."

117. S.P.A.W.M. it's an acronym for the classic panoply of powers

118. every professional villain team needs speed, power, air, water, magic.

119. The "w" can also stand for "wind" or "weather"

120. but you definitely need at least one elemental in the mix.

121. Ooh, like a fire guy... that would be cool.

122. Well, guess what, chicken butt fellas... good news.

123. Eh? What'd I tell you?

124. Yes, sir. Thanks to this little dynamo

125. Impossible Industries is 100 percent green!

126. And you didn't think you had it in you to be a supervillain.

127. This is the most deliciously evil thing I've ever seen.

128. "Uh, Professor Impossible? I'm taking my lunch now."

129. Dean? Dean, over here! Sit down and act natural.

130. I thought you were taking me to lunch.

131. Better yet I brought lunch to you.

132. Sack lunch, here you go. We're sharing the fries.

133. Anyway, I have an ulterior motive for asking you here.

134. I need you to perform a little shall we say, industrial espionage.

135. Pop, even if I knew

136. what Professor Impossible's big secret project was, I'm not allowed to...

137. Not that. Wait. He's working on a secret project?

138. What is it? Oh, whatever. Never mind. Just take this.

139. I'm gonna need two dozen copies stapled and collated.

140. And be sure each one gets one of these.

141. - What is this? - My musical! I finished it!

142. It's all about my childhood my adventures...

143. "My secret longing for a better world"

144. I'm gonna hit every agent and producer in town.

145. Dred Scott! What is he doing here?

146. Well, you were the one eavesdropping.

147. He mumbled something about industrial espionage

148. and then he just kept talking about "Annie Get Your Gun."

149. Do you think it's some type of code?

150. - He's on to us. - You're both being paranoid.

151. Don't you see what this is? This is opportunity knocking at our door

152. Who disfigured you for life and helped Girl Hitler steal your throne?

153. Who seduced your wife, then passed her off to his brother for sloppy seconds?

154. I'll tell you who, the very same cretin who allied with his own enemies

155. to thwart me at Cremation Creek and the Battle for the Orb.

156. Gentlemen, The Revenge Society just landed its first assignment...

157. Kill Dr. Venture!

158. What? Like, right now?

159. Curtain's in 10 minutes. Better hail a cab. Taxi!

160. Now, I still have to write all the music

161. but the real trick will be finding a good Rusty.

162. I need someone with a voice real stage presence, sex appeal.

163. and I'm probably gonna have to stay in town for an extra week or two.

164. I don't know, pop.

165. Oh, no, I wouldn't dream of asking you, son.

166. I mean, you look the part but you're a terrible actor.

167. - No. What? I mean... - Just awful.

168. Look, we can talk about it at home tonight, okay?

169. Have fun at work, son. Oh, make those copies.

170. Broadway district and step on it.

171. "Hey! Coming up next on Taxi TV"

172. "we've got great places around the city to eat"

173. "and we'll be talking to a local man..."

174. Touch screens never work.

175. "Greetings, Dr. Venture."

176. "This is The Revenge Society."

177. "Now that I have your undivided attention"

178. "listen to me very carefully."

179. "We have... hello? Are you listening to me?"

180. "Yada-chanted evening"

181. - "Stranger" - Um... uh, wh...

182. Now we're cooking with gas.

183. "Nighty-night, Dr. Venture."

184. "Pleasant screams."

185. End of the line, sir. Please remember to take all your personal belongings

186. and be sure to tip your driver.

187. What? This is funny to you? I just almost got killed.

188. Get the hell out of my way. I'm gonna miss the overture.

189. - ... tourists. - Okay, that was crap.

190. - What the hell happened there? - can't believe he ditched the cab fare

191. Zounds! That Venture is wily prey!

192. Why on earth did you put the sleep gas in the front of the cab?

193. I thought you were supposed to be a genius!

194. Well, I've never done this kind of thing before.

195. It's our first mission as a team.

196. There are bound to be a few hiccups.

197. - Let's not squabble, Hamilton. - Very well. Positives?

198. On the up side, Werner did an excellent job as the cabbie

199. until you gassed him!

200. All right, that's just passive-aggressive, friend.

201. I see exactly what you're doing there.

202. Sorry I'm late Professor Impossible.

203. You see, my dad stopped by for lunch and the...

204. - Phantom Limb! - What the hell was that out there?

205. - Baron Underbeit! - Now, Dean, this isn't what it appears

206. so let's all try to just keep calm.

207. Hot sandwich! You've murdered the Venture boy.

208. Ah, good. You're up.

209. Oh, thank goodness. You got away from them?

210. Oh, no, Dean. Those fellows are with me.

211. I think maybe it's time I let someone in

212. - on my big secret project. - Our secret project.

213. You see, I've known Werner there since he was a student of mine.

214. And Hamilton and I go all the way back

215. to your grandfather's Boys' Brigade days.

216. But their lives took a different turn

217. when they both suffered horrible, disfiguring accidents

218. which left them unable to work.

219. They soon found themselves on the wrong side of the law

220. just to make ends meet.

221. "And now that they've served their time"

222. "they're looking for a way to become useful"

223. productive members of society again only no one will hire them

224. because of their criminal records. Now, does that sound like the America

225. you want to live in, young Dean?

226. - No, sir. - Me neither, youngster.

227. So, that's why, starting tomorrow, Impossible Industries is launching

228. the Impossi-Care Second Chance Employment Program.

229. That's what all the secrecy was about?

230. Of course. What? You didn't think I went all evil or something, did you?

231. Oh, that is rich. How long have you been working for me now, anyway?

232. - About a week. - Well, I think you're way...

233. overdue for a promotion.

234. - I am? - Yes, sirree.

235. Starting tomorrow, I'm making you our new head of human resources!

236. - Really? - Good night, lad!

237. Remember... promotion human resources, me not evil!

238. "Good night!"

239. Sorry. There was a prowler on the fire escape earlier.

240. Did you make my copies?

241. Okay, people, I want two orderly lines!

242. If your name starts with "A" through "J"

243. I want you to line up over here to my left.

244. K's through R's you're on the right.

245. What if your name starts with no earthly letter?

246. I thought Manhattan was the epicenter of supervillainy.

247. It looks more like the island of misfit toys out there.

248. Come on. Give me some room here.

249. Well, it wasn't designed for three. Who knew?

250. - Okay, Dean, who's first? - Polygamy! Mr. Polygamy!

251. And this is Mrs. Polygamy Mrs. Polygamy

252. Mrs. Polygamy and Mrs. Polygamy.

253. So, what exactly does magic underwear do?

254. Chuk-luk!

255. - was something supposed to happen? - You didn't see that?

256. - I just grew bigger. - No, you didn't.

257. I did... like, at least 2 inches, maybe 3.

258. - He saw it. - I think, yes, I think he might have

259. - No. Look! Look he's on his toes! - Fat Chance.

260. And before you make your little weight-ist judgments

261. I got this way 'cause of a botched scientific experiment.

262. You are preaching to the choir, friend.

263. Yeah, so, basically the accident transformed my body

264. into a portal to another dimension

265. and now I can pull stuff out of time and space

266. through my duodenum. Boom.

267. And you find that... useful?

268. - Sometimes. - Ladyhawk Johnson

269. and the little fella buzzing in your ear there

270. is my husband and partner of 40 years, Mr. Lyndon Bee.

271. And what are your special powers?

272. Well, by night I turn into a hawk

273. but by day, he's a bee and never the twain shall meet

274. except during a eclipse of course!

275. Well, of course, we'll have to interview Mr. Bee separately

276. when he's, um...

277. Not a bee.

278. Well, tell him "hi" for me will you?

279. So, um, I can't seem to find your resume.

280. Dean, can you bring me the paperwork on, uh...

281. What was your name again?

282. So, um, how did you hear about The Revenge Society?

283. might we know some of your work from?

284. "He's not on the list. I'm sorry. I don't know how he got in here."

285. And he's got a knife... super power.

286. - Brick frog! - Thank you!

287. Worse than useless.

288. Hardly any of them are worthy of The Revenge Society.

289. "Dean, that'll be all for today."

290. Uh, you still have one more interview, sir.

291. This gentleman's been waiting since sundown.

292. What?

293. Yes! Quick ... What's the most popular musical in Germany?

294. - What? Uh ... - "Starlight Express," exactly!

295. Yeah, roller skates the whole cast.

296. "Rust!" needs a gimmick to hook the foreign investors.

297. - But why did you ... - Oh, that?

298. Yeah, it kept getting caught in my wheel

299. so I just tossed it out there with the rest of the...

300. Oh! You... You thought I was...

301. - He knows his old man. - Why is this here?

302. - It was blocking my center stage. - I have to go to the toilet!

303. Number one? Use the tub. That's what I do.

304. Oh, mein gott, you guys will never guess

305. what I found on the copy machine.

306. "Yada da Rusty"

307. "Super"

308. "My name is Rusty"

309. "It's Rusty Venture"

310. "Boy adventurer" Oh, that's good. That's good.

311. - That guy bothering you? - Kind of.

312. I understand. You can't talk. You need help.

313. Just blink twice if he's your pimp.

314. No. What? No, he's my dad.

315. So, uh, what brings you two to the big apple, then?

316. Well, I got this internship at Impossible Industries, but ...

317. Superscience, huh? Yeah I used to be in that racket myself.

318. Really? Why'd you give it up?

319. You're lookin' at it. Yeah I had a little mishap in the lab

320. back when I was working on my irradiated spider thesis

321. kind of soured me on the whole superscience deal.

322. Yeah, I'm not really sure I want to be a superscientist, either

323. but my dad really wants me to follow in his footsteps.

324. Yeah, I can see why you really wouldn't want to do that.

325. But, hey, you're working with Professor Impossible now.

326. That's "A"-list. You could practically write your own ticket.

327. Yeah, you'd think, right?

328. I mean, I thought things would be different there,

329. but it's just the same old story do nothing all day.

330. Then a bunch of guys in costumes come out and bother you.

331. I could get that at home.

332. Sounds like somebody would rather be doing something else.

333. What I really want to be is a boy reporter.

334. I'm... I'm sorry. What is that enchanting music?

335. "The dreams I buried"

336. "with robot fingers"

337. Daddy? Daddy I need to talk to you.

338. "Why, Rusty"

339. I've given it a lot of thought and I've come to a decision.

340. - Are you listening? - "The man of action"

341. - "like muscle mothers" - Fine.

342. "not brothers"

343. "on grand adventures"

344. "They pushed me with them"

345. "for mayhem"

346. "Who's Rusty?"

347. "I'm Rusty"

348. "I'm Rusty"

349. Ever done any musical theater?

350. Well, I was in "Sound of Music" when I was a kid.

351. Oh, and I have perfect spider pitch.

352. I've found my Rusty.

353. - Hello? - "Dr. Venture?"

354. Yes, this is Thaddeus S. Venture. To whom am I speaking?

355. Yeah, this is, uh Frank Bigtime

356. from, uh, Bigtime Productions. I just read your "Rust!" script

357. and I got to tell you... I think it's dynamite stuff.

358. "Can you come in for a meeting?"

359. - sure! When? - "How about right now?"

360. Well, now works for me, too. Where are you at?

361. - "Impossible Plaza." - Impossible Plaza?

362. I guess I'm not the only superscientist

363. who needs renters to pay the mortgage, huh?

364. - "What?" - Nothing. I'll be there.

365. Taxi! Impossible Plaza and step on it.

366. You got it, buddy.

367. Uh, hello? Hello?

368. What?

369. Hello? Hello? Hello?

370. Thank you for coming on such short notice, Dr. Venture

371. Phantom Limb? Wait. You're ... you're a producer now?

372. Yes, and the reviews are in.

373. I'm afraid Rusty will be ending his run on Broadway tonight.

374. Of course, I'll have to consult with my partners first.

375. Think you're getting out of here alive, slim? Fat Chance!

376. You shall not seek...

377. and I will not accept... your escape.

378. Going down?

379. Boo!

380. Take a bow, Dr. Venture!

381. This is your final curtain call!

382. - Way to go, new guy! - What?

383. I couldn't see your invisible leg!

384. Why the hell's it got to be so dark in here, anyway, huh?

385. Where di... What... where in blazes did he go?

386. - Geez. - he must have got sucked

387. - into my enigma hole. - Cody?

388. Remain calm, sir! I will save you!

389. Don't... stop, drop and roll! Stop, drop, and roll!

390. Sir! Wait!

391. Wait! Wait man on fire!

392. Hey, I told you, I don't know where it goes, okay?

393. It's completely random. This one time, during a bank heist

394. I pulled a slip 'n slide The Beach Boys' "Pet Sounds"

395. and half a freakin' Roman legion out of there.

396. Fire, Professor Impossible! It's fire!

397. Please exit the building via the fire stairs

398. in a calm, orderly manner.

399. Quickly, gentlemen... to the Impossi-car!

400. But I thought we were calling it The Revenge Mobile now.

401. "I'm Rusty"

402. "I'm Rusty"

403. "the man of action"

404. "like muscle mothers"

405. "not brothers"

406. "on grand adventures"

407. "they push me with them"

408. "for mayhem"

409. "he's Rusty"

410. - Hey. - Hey. How was your summer?

411. Well, I think I may have watched my career in superscience go up in smoke

412. But I may have managed to pull my dreams from the ashes.

413. - How was yours? - from what I hear

414. it was amazing.

415. Have you seen Pop? He left New York without even saying goodbye

416. - Daddy? - You should be so lucky.

417. - All right, let's just take it easy. - You just zip it, mister!

418. And keep to your own dimension from now on.

419. Fine. I don't even like your dimension, anyway.

420. It's an asshole dimension. How do you like that?

421. Oh, nice potty mouth in front of the boys.

422. Look, you're the Dean of this dimension, right?

423. Explain to the untalented Mr. Ripley here

424. he can't just waltz into my dimension

425. and try to kill me with a rock and replace me

426. just because I happen to have more hair, more money

427. and a hit play on Broadway!

428. "I'm Rusty"

429. "I'm Rusty"

430. Subtitled by: Image Production House