1. Zoology — a cat has
over 100 vocal cords,
Copy !req
2. while the giraffe has none.
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3. Astronomy — the temperature
of the sun can reach
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4. 50 million degrees fahrenheit.
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5. Anatomy —
there are 9,000 taste buds
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6. on your tongue.
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7. And the answer to today's
trigonometry problem is —
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8. Well, would you look at that?
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9. It would appear that's all
the time we have...
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10. Hank and Dean.
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11. Today marks the completion of
our progressive, electronic,
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12. cross-disciplinary educational
journey together.
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13. You're now fully prepared
to embark
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14. on your first
solo adventure —
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15. to college and the fulfilling
life of super-science
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16. that awaits beyond.
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17. So I suppose the only thing
I have left to say is...
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18. Congratulations.
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19. Hank and Dean.
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20. Hey, what you got there?
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21. It's a diploma.
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22. Weren't you listening?
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23. - Uh, what?
- I think we just graduated.
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24. We did? Cool!
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25. Does that mean we can finally
ditch these nerd pods
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26. and get bunk beds?
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27. I don't know.
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28. Where's yours?
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29. Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
Come to order.
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30. We have a movement on the floor.
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31. Councilman 2?
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32. In the interest of preserving
the sanctity
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33. of this esteemed council,
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34. I propose that we immediately
commence
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35. the vetting
of candidates
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36. to replace
Councilman 8.
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37. - Yes!
- Yeah.
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38. Whoa! Why?
What did I do?
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39. We are the council of 13,
not the council of 12.
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40. And since your merger
with Councilman 3,
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41. your screen
has remained vacant.
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42. Well, I'm still here!
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43. It's not as if
we're only one guy now
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44. just because of this —
this head business.
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45. Well, now, I-I sort of see
their point.
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46. See?
We don't even vote the same.
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47. I said to her —
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48. I said, I said,
"that's not a ceiling."
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49. Time's up, Limb.
Visiting hours are over.
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50. Tell the others, Wisdom.
It's time.
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51. All right,
hands where I can see them.
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52. Oh, aren't you cute?
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53. You know the drill.
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54. Guy's batshit crazy.
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55. Sad.
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56. You're lucky
you weren't on duty
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57. when he had his conjugal
visit with a freakin' shoe.
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58. Hear me,
my special friends.
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59. Come to me.
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60. Avenge me.
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61. Yes, just like we planned.
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62. Uh! Oh!
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63. What the — what?
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64. Armando.
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65. Leftenant Shankly.
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66. Good to have you back.
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67. - Oh, my god!
- What?
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68. Don't move.
There is a bug on you.
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69. There is? Where?
Oh, God! Get it off!
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70. It's one of those ones
that fly!
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71. I hate those!
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72. Yes, it's
unfortunate
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73. they had to be
sacrificed, Wisdom,
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74. but don't
blame yourself.
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75. Your plan was brilliant.
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76. A work of art.
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77. All it needs now
is a signature.
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78. It is quite simple.
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79. On days with T's in them,
we sit in my screen.
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80. On all others, we're in
Dragoon's.
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81. Yes, yes.
I like this.
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82. Gentlemen! It seems there is
another movement on the floor.
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83. I heard nothing!
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84. And it is a doozy.
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85. What is the point of
all this?
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86. State law mandates
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87. each student gets a minimum
of two hours face time
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88. with a certified
guidance counselor
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89. or, in this case,
a friend of your dad's.
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90. What's a guidance
counselor?
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91. Usually it's a guy
you barely know
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92. who gives you
career advice,
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93. even though his career
is guidance counselor,
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94. and sometimes he helps you get
into college.
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95. But I don't want to go
to college.
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96. Well, it's not
for everybody.
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97. That's why we're doing this —
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98. to determine what individual
path is right for you.
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99. So, uh, what did you put down?
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100. Ahem!
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101. Number one —"drifter."
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102. All right. Okay.
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103. That's not really a career,
Hank.
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104. It's like the opposite
of a career.
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105. Ah, but you don't need to go to
college to be one, right?
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106. Plus, you get paid to just
walk around all day
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107. reading sexy
letters,
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108. like the guy in
"Red Shoe Diaries."
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109. He wasn't a drifter.
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110. The guy's getting
all his mail.
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111. That implies a fixed address.
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112. Okay, fine.
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113. Then, like,
David "The Hulk" Banner.
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114. Well, David Banner's
real name is actually
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115. Dr. David Bruce Banner.
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116. So he's a scientist.
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117. Oh, then I don't want
to be that.
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118. Well, what's your
second choice?
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119. "Owner and operator of
The Chimp Eden."
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120. Okay, well, that's
barely saner,
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121. but for that
we're talking
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122. three, four years of
veterinary school, minimum,
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123. and that's on top
of a bachelor's degree.
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124. Scratch that one, too.
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125. Man, way to ruin Chimp Eden.
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126. Okay, you, uh, made
a mistake here.
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127. You wrote "Batman" twice.
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128. That's intentional.
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129. Number three is
golden age Batman,
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130. and number four is
post-crisis Batman.
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131. They're, like, two completely
different Batmen.
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132. Okay.
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133. So that just leaves
"secutor"?
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134. Were you trying to spell
"executive"?
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135. Duh, a "secutor" is
a kind of gladiator.
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136. They've got the coolest helmets,
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137. and they get to beat up
on those gay lord gladiators
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138. with the nets and tridents.
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139. Retiarius —
my favorite gladiator.
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140. - Gay lord.
- Okay.
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141. Dean, how about you?
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142. What did you put down for your
top-five dream jobs?
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143. Well, I-I only got four...
now.
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144. Oh, well, that's
because you forgot
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145. super-scientist, boy.
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146. No, I didn't.
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147. Looks like you
already have
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148. the "absent-minded"
part down, eh, Professor?
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149. Okay.
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150. Now go upstairs and get dressed,
both of you.
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151. We're looking at college
this afternoon.
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152. I don't want to go
to college!
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153. Hank, don't
start.
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154. Okay, kids.
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155. Uh, you think I could have
a moment alone with your dad?
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156. Well, did you push State
like I asked you?
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157. I hate to be the one
to break this to you, Rust,
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158. but your boys
are pathetically underprepared
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159. for adulthood.
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160. Well, sure,
Hank's a bit of a late bloomer,
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161. but did you catch
Dean's little mustache?
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162. Really starting to come in.
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163. Yeah, regardless
of the 'stache,
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164. neither of them knows a thing
about the real world.
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165. What are you
talking about?
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166. Those kids have been
around the globe
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167. more times than
Gaetan Dugas.
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168. But the stuff those beds have
been teaching them
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169. is more dated
than Funk & Wagnalls.
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170. I mean, what college do you
think is gonna accept
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171. transcripts from a talking bed,
anyway?
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172. Especially since, uh, if I'm
even reading them right,
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173. Hank didn't graduate.
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174. Hank!
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175. I'm not going
to college.
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176. Darn tootin',
you're not,
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177. because you're
getting right back in that bed
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178. until you graduate, mister!
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179. No, father,
I'm going to a place
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180. where you and your
crummy bed
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181. can't tell me
what to do anymore.
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182. What is this?
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183. What, are you
fake running away again?
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184. Well, don't expect your brother
to sneak food out
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185. to your tent
in the backyard this time,
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186. because he's going
to college!
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187. Well, bully for him,
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188. because I'm joining the army.
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189. Hot dog!
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190. Best decision
you'll ever make, son.
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191. Why, I look back
on my time with —
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192. Not that army,
Sergeant Butt-kiss.
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193. Dean!
Are you dressed yet?
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194. - Yeah.
- Oh.
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195. Uh, well, then —
then get in the car.
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196. Wait.
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197. Is that what you're wearing?
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198. Ah, manservant.
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199. What has become of us?
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200. A kingdom had I.
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201. You got something
for a veteran?
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202. Don't forget the veterans!
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203. Do you have any change?
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204. All right, you bums.
Move it along.
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205. Aw, man.
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206. Same old shit.
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207. It's like Kent State
all over again, man!
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208. Yeah, stick it to the man,
my brother!
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209. Hey, can I have his coat?
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210. Oh, get a job.
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211. Richard. Richard.
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212. Hello.
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213. S-Sally?
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214. Afraid not,
old boy.
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215. Ah! Oh!
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216. I'd heard you'd lost your mind
and stopped working,
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217. but it looks like
you've been... busy.
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218. D-D-Do you work for me?
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219. I had something
more along the lines
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220. of a partnership in mind.
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221. It's me, Richard.
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222. It's Hamilton.
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223. Don't come any further!
You're in the germ-free zone!
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224. Oh, pull
yourself together, man!
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225. Hey!
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226. I'm a hunted man, Richard,
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227. and you're in a unique position
to help me.
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228. No. No.
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229. I-I can't help anybody.
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230. I can't even help myself.
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231. Then we'll help each other,
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232. like we did back in our
Boys' Brigade days.
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233. You want to get the
Boys' Brigade back together?
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234. Not exactly.
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235. I need you to make
another one of these.
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236. You're — you're not —
you're not holding —
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237. there's —
there's nothing there.
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238. I don't — oh.
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239. Oh, you've
got an invisible —
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240. That's neat.
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241. You know,
Sally could turn...
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242. invisible.
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243. Oh, yes, yes.
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244. I share your pain,
old friend.
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245. I, too, have suffered
terrible losses this year.
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246. It nearly broke me,
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247. but instead,
it only strengthened my resolve.
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248. Join me, and I can do
the same for you.
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249. But — but you're all evil,
though.
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250. I-I can't be a bad guy.
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251. Is it really
such a stretch?
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252. Thought you could hide from me,
eh, Professor Impossible?
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253. Who's this ass?
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254. Well, the nucleotide has
turned, my elastic antagonist,
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255. for no one can escape
the infectious grip
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256. of the fiendish
Dr. Phineas Phage!
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257. Leave me alone!
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258. Oh, come on!
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259. You've been sulking in there
for months.
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260. Enough is enough.
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261. The man said
leave him be!
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262. Phantom Limb?
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263. Hey, you — you can't arch
Impossible.
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264. I'm his —
wait a minute.
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265. You're supposed to be in —
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266. I'm gonna tell the Guild!
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267. If he gets away,
I'm done for, Richard.
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268. You must help me!
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269. How? W-What can I do?
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270. Just hold on tight.
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271. Aah! No! No!
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272. Pro-teens, help me!
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273. Uhh!
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274. All right, Hamilton.
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275. You've got yourself a partner.
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276. Okay, fellas.
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277. I'm all yours.
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278. Where do I sign up?
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279. Um, excuse me.
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280. Uh, who — who do I talk to
about enlisting?
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281. Samson — Samson, you're
breaking up!
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282. Repeat —
what is your 10-20?
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283. Sorry, I'm only getting
one bar down here.
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284. We made it to the catacombs,
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285. but rookie here
tripped the alarm.
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286. Would you get out of
there, man?
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287. You don't know what the hell
you're doing!
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288. Where'd you recruit this clown,
anyways,
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289. The Albert Merrill
School?
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290. He came highly recommended.
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291. Supposed to be
some kind of expert.
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292. In what? Poopy?
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293. Oh, crap.
The Swiss guard is here.
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294. I need an exit — quick!
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295. I'm on it.
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296. Uploading security pass-code
override now.
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297. New recruit here.
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298. Hello!
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299. Samson? Samson!
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300. What's happening?
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301. Talk to me! Samson!
Uhh!
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302. Way to go, Heidi!
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303. Samson's down by 3 with
a minute to left in the game,
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304. and you
just cut the feed!
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305. What in God's name
do you want?
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306. I want to join up
with you guys.
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307. Well, my boot wants
to join up with your ass,
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308. and I'm about
to throw 'em a shotgun wedding.
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309. Now beat it!
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310. This ain't the honeycomb
fucking hideout,
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311. and we ain't hiring
Junior G-Men!
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312. But I dare you to find
someone more qualified than me.
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313. I've been training under Brock
my entire life.
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314. I've traveled to every
continent on the globe,
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315. including Atlantis, Outer Space,
and Brigadoon.
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316. I've been shot at,
poisoned, stabbed,
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317. cudgeled, crocodiled,
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318. king cobra-ed, red-anted,
you name it.
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319. I'm still standing.
Copy !req
320. Now, if that's not the résumé
Copy !req
321. of a top-notch, super-killer
secret agent,
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322. then I don't know
what is.
Copy !req
323. All right. You win, kid.
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324. Shoreleave!
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325. Yo, ass— Oh, sorry.
It's an old habit.
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326. Get Chachi here suited up.
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327. Oh, this brings back memories.
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328. Can I take this off
yet?
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329. After the interview.
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330. They're gonna love
your school spirit.
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331. God, it's all just like
I remember it.
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332. Ew. Except that thing.
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333. That's new.
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334. What's going on
over there?
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335. It must be one of those "take
back the night" rallies.
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336. Great place to meet chicks,
by the way.
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337. Meow.
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338. Yeah, a little college tip
there for you
Copy !req
339. from the old man.
Copy !req
340. So, in closing,
"Bizzybee, Volume 6"
Copy !req
341. on Blu-ray and DVD,
June 7th.
Copy !req
342. Thank you.
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343. Yeah.
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344. So let's hear it
for Roy Brisby
Copy !req
345. and, uh, all of our
corporate benefactors,
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346. uh, The General
Consolidated Insurance Company,
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347. and, of course,
Professor Richard Impossible,
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348. who, unfortunately, couldn't be
with us here today.
Copy !req
349. Ah, Professor Impossible.
Copy !req
350. Hello!
Copy !req
351. What — what an unexpected
delight.
Copy !req
352. When you didn't R.S.V.P.,
we assumed —
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353. Oh.
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354. Oh, is —
is it just you?
Copy !req
355. Your — your lovely wife
won't be joining us?
Copy !req
356. Keep it together, Richard.
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357. We've got work to do.
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358. S-Sally and I are —
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359. Say,
could I get a mo'?
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360. Long Impossi-Car ride
from the city.
Copy !req
361. Oh, yes, yes. Yes, of course.
The restrooms are —
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362. That's okay. I remember.
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363. Right there. Just...
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364. It's all clear. I'm in.
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365. Yes, I can see
that.
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366. Ham gravy, what did you do
to my head?
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367. You try cutting hair
made of living rubber
Copy !req
368. with
only one good arm,
Copy !req
369. and an invisible one at that.
Copy !req
370. Okay.
Copy !req
371. You go deliver your speech,
Copy !req
372. and we'll rendezvous
back here in —
Copy !req
373. Are you coming?
What's wrong now?
Copy !req
374. Nothing.
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375. Thought I needed to poop,
but it was just you in there.
Copy !req
376. All right.
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377. You like it all squared off
in the back or au natural?
Copy !req
378. Ooh, can you shave
a Batman logo back there?
Copy !req
379. Well, as long as we're going
all 1989 with it,
Copy !req
380. how 'bout a nice high-top fade,
like Kid and/or Play?
Copy !req
381. Knock it off,
Vidal Buffoon.
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382. He's ready.
Copy !req
383. I'm so ready.
For what?
Copy !req
384. Well, uh, for, uh,
your first test.
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385. Yeah. This is it.
Copy !req
386. Good luck, son.
Copy !req
387. Now maybe we can get some
goddamn work done around here.
Copy !req
388. Anyone heard from Samson yet?
Copy !req
389. And pass.
Piece of cake.
Copy !req
390. Like I haven't been tied up
a million times.
Copy !req
391. Come on.
Give me a hard one.
Copy !req
392. Yes, yes,
I see your confusion.
Copy !req
393. But, no, I'm afraid
it's my title, not my name.
Copy !req
394. Oh.
Copy !req
395. You'll have to excuse me.
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396. As you can see, it gets crazy
this time of year,
Copy !req
397. and I can't seem to find
your application.
Copy !req
398. Yeah, we didn't
see the need
Copy !req
399. to burden you
with more paperwork.
Copy !req
400. You — you have
no application?
Copy !req
401. Well, the boy's
a legacy admission,
Copy !req
402. so this is
just a formality, no?
Copy !req
403. It doesn't work that way.
Copy !req
404. He still has to —
Copy !req
405. Well, go ahead.
Copy !req
406. Ask him anything
you need to know.
Copy !req
407. So, uh, where'd you go
to high school, young Dean?
Copy !req
408. - Oh, I was —
- The boy is homeschooled.
Copy !req
409. I have an electric
grandpa bed
Copy !req
410. that talks to me
while I sleep.
Copy !req
411. Ha ha.
Copy !req
412. Did I mention he's a legacy?
Copy !req
413. I was here in the '80s.
Copy !req
414. You might want to look it up.
Copy !req
415. Did you graduate?
Copy !req
416. Well, not right away,
Copy !req
417. but I did receive
an honorary degree.
Copy !req
418. Not from here.
Copy !req
419. Well, no.
Copy !req
420. From a small, uh,
rather exclusive,
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421. uh, uh, Tijuana —
Copy !req
422. Look, you and I both know
how this really works.
Copy !req
423. My father pumped a fortune into
this place back in the day,
Copy !req
424. so why don't you
let the boy in,
Copy !req
425. and we can call it squaresies?
Copy !req
426. Dr. Venture, while it's true
your father
Copy !req
427. was rather generous
to the university —
Copy !req
428. Generous?
He donated an entire wing!
Copy !req
429. Which you blew up,
if I recall.
Copy !req
430. Allegedly.
Copy !req
431. And his estate paid for it
out of my inheritance.
Copy !req
432. So, really, it's like
I gave you the money.
Copy !req
433. Right.
Copy !req
434. Well, it was a pleasure
to meet you, Dean.
Copy !req
435. I wish you much success with
your future academic career —
Copy !req
436. wherever it may be.
- That's it?
Copy !req
437. If you were gonna jerk us around
like this,
Copy !req
438. then why the hell did you even
agree to see us?
Copy !req
439. Honestly?
Copy !req
440. That would be
a nice change of pace.
Copy !req
441. Because when my secretary
told me
Copy !req
442. a "Dr. Venture" was here
to see me,
Copy !req
443. I thought she meant
your brother.
Copy !req
444. Hello.
Copy !req
445. Uh, you'll have to,
uh, excuse me.
Copy !req
446. I haven't done any public
speaking in a while,
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447. and I...
Copy !req
448. don't have
anything prepared.
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449. Richard, wrap it up and bring
the Impossi-Car around.
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450. I found it.
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451. Huh?
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452. Phantom Limb,
this has gone far enough.
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453. Screw you!
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454. Who died and made you
the high-and-mighty
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455. floating head of
everything?
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456. Actually, that would be
my predecessor, Force Majeure.
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457. Well, you won't have
Phantom Limb
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458. to kick around
anymore!
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459. I'm starting
my own damn guild.
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460. With whom? A coffee cup?
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461. You're not well, Hamilton.
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462. Give yourself up now, and I'll
call off my diamond dogs.
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463. Never!
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464. Uhh!
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465. And, uh, that's pretty much
when she walked out on me,
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466. for good this time, and —
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467. Richard! Richard!
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468. Stop glad-handing and help me,
damn you!
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469. Oh, that's the last time
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470. I let you partner me up
with this clown.
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471. Never again, you.
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472. Don't worry.
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473. We're — we're just just
training your new partner.
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474. Oh, come on.
Not another rookie.
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475. Nah, you'll like this one.
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476. In fact, you've — you've worked
with him before.
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477. Who? Where is he?
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478. What, in there?
That's the mind-erasing machine.
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479. What he don't know
won't hurt him.
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480. And what he don't know
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481. is gonna be a whole hell of a
lot in a minute.
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482. Oh, Hank, Hank.
Buddy? You okay?
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483. Oh, hey, Brock.
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484. What'd you jackasses
do to him?
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485. No, no.
It's okay, Brock.
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486. It was all just part
of my secret-agent test.
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487. What?
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488. The old "mind-eraser
switcheroo" trap.
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489. Easily evaded with the old
"tinfoil on the head" ruse.
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490. So I passed, right?
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491. Oh!
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492. Uh, that must be the, uh,
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493. fireworks I arranged
over, uh, there.
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494. It wasn't me
this time.
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495. "You can't be a spy with us."
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496. Ah, back to the high
and tight huh?
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497. I feel like that Jewish guy
who lost all his powers
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498. when they
cut his hair off.
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499. Uh, Samson?
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500. Lenny Kravitz.
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501. It's not all about you,
you know?
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502. Yeah, well, uh, you look good,
like your old Hank self again,
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503. instead of always trying to be
like, uh, well, me.
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504. Geez. Conceited much?
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505. Look, you don't want
my life, Hank.
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506. This job's not all
it's cracked up to be.
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507. I've been at this
for over 20 years,
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508. and what do I have to
show for it?
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509. A metal plate in my chest,
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510. Vatican karate gorilla blood
on my hands,
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511. and a footlocker full
of "Manboro" miles.
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512. You got enough
for the canoe?
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513. What?
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514. Well, yeah, but will I ever live
to see that canoe?
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515. Can I have 'em?
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516. Look, you're missing
the point, Hank!
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517. What I'm trying to tell you is
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518. even though you passed
that test down there —
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519. Wait. Whoa. Wait.
I did?
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520. Well, then, why did you —
why did they reject me?
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521. Because if you want to
join Sphinx,
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522. you need
a high-school diploma.
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523. Oh!
You know about that?
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524. Well, I wouldn't be
a very good spy
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525. if I didn't, now,
would I?
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526. Hey!
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527. Did — did I mention
that you also have to be 18?
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528. You've done it, Richard!
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529. You've replicated my original
machine to a tee.
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530. I'm whole again.
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531. The name's not "Richard"
anymore, Hamilton.
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532. From now on, I'm...
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533. Professor Incorrigible!
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534. Professor Indolent?
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535. Professor Infamous?
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536. Professor Indochina?
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537. No?
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538. They're all a bit...
forced.
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539. Professor Inscrutable?
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540. Excuse me.
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541. I want to join up
with you guys.
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