1. Hey kids,
it's time for adventure
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2. at Rusty's Day Camp
For Boy Adventurers—
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3. The largest privately run day camp...
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4. for budding super
scientists in the area.
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5. Learn adventuring from
pros like action Johnny...
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6. Master Billy Quiz-boy,
and of course me...
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7. Rusty Venture, star
of the Rusty Venture cartoon.
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8. Tell mom you need excitement.
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9. Tell dad you need a cashier's check.
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10. And we'll see you there.
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11. At Rusty's Day Camp For Boy Adventurers!
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12. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy...
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13. just trying to give
back to the fans that made me.
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14. These kids paid 200 bucks
a head to get in here...
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15. and then you charge the another
$20 to get their picture taken...
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16. with a cardboard cutout.
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17. I'm not sure that qualifies
as "giving back."
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18. Alright, keep it down.
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19. I don't want my fans to know
how mean you are to their hero.
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20. That's right, it's Rusty Venture!
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21. When do we eat, Sam?
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22. We wouldn't stopped for a cruller
if we knew you were gonna starve us.
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23. Oh, those are underrated.
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24. There are fully stocked vending machines
right next to the gift shack.
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25. Why don't you two get yourself
an eight-dollar bag of combos?
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26. Whew!
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27. Wowzie, some people
just shouldn't breed.
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28. Those are some ugly kids.
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29. Kids? You're kidding, right?
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30. They're achondroplastic dwarves.
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31. And they're almost
as good as you or I...
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32. and they deserve this camp
as much as any other kid here.
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33. Such a racist.
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34. - They're not really a race, Doc.
- Will you listen to yourself, Hitler.
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35. Well, not really a Boy Adventurer.
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36. Well, why are you even here?
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37. Because you have a big head?
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38. Hey! All celebrities have large heads.
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39. You ever see Christina Ricci
in real life?
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40. So what are you?
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41. I'm a Quiz Boy.
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42. It's a seriously underrated
branch of boy genius.
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43. Quiz boy?
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44. You don't really look like a little kid.
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45. Come on. OK, fine, I'm 35 years old.
You happy?
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46. I'm neither Boy, nor Adventurer. Brilliant.
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47. You. You solved the case of
"Let's hurt the unpaid volunteer's feelings."
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48. Pretty smart kid.
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49. You know what you're gonna be?
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50. I'm gonna be a Boy Adventurer
like Rusty Venture!
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51. What is "wrong"!
You, my friend, are gonna be a Quiz Boy!
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52. No, I won't.
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53. I'll take "yes you are" for 50 points.
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54. We can't all be famous Adventurers.
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55. That doesn't mean you have to be out
of the adventure game altogether.
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56. You mean, become a super villain?
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57. Shiver me timbers, no!
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58. I'm talking about the rubber mask set.
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59. The little guys.
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60. Do we get to wear cool costumes?
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61. You bet you do!
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62. If you run a museum
you get yourself a glowing suit of armor.
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63. You wanna protect your gold
from meddling kids...
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64. you might try a ghost miner 49er.
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65. Look at me. I look like Johnny Depp!
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66. Oh, and that's not all.
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67. Sometimes you get to hang out with
people who were famous once, like Cher...
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68. and the guy that did the voice
for Inspector Gadget!
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69. What are you guys doing?
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70. You're on monarch time!
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71. You snack off the clock!
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72. Wait, see if they have that in a medium.
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73. That's hilarious.
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74. Honey, have you seen
Tim-Tom and Kevin?
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75. Your Murderous Moppets?
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76. I sent them out on a... thing.
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77. Monarch, you're not arching
Dr. Venture in there, are you?
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78. What? No, no, sweetie.
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79. This is reconnaissance work...
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80. Pr-preemptive Arching.
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81. Isn't that just arching?
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82. Well, maybe if you're
retarded it— man of manatee!
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83. - Where did you get that number?
- You like it?
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84. It's a prototype for my
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch costume.
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85. I don't want to be picky...
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86. but you're gonna trip on those wings.
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87. And aren't you a little afraid
that your cupcakes might slide out?
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88. Whatever, they're taped.
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89. I'm more worried
that it makes my ass look chunky.
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90. Oh dear...
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91. Come here, sit on your king's
ever expanding throne.
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92. What is that?
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93. No doubt a recruitment
facility cleverly disguised...
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94. as like, the gayest day camp ever.
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95. What's that? It's huge!
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96. It can't be a kid.
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97. Dean, that's a teenager.
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98. But... but, we don't look like that.
Oh, crap! He's coming over here.
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99. I-I gotta go.
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100. Dude, what is your problem?
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101. - Hey.
- Hey.
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102. Your mom make you come
to this loser con, too?
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103. I don't have a mommy.
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104. So what, I don't have a dad.
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105. He was in black ops. Probably
went undercover to kill somebody.
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106. Hey, what was that nerdy kid's problem?
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107. That's my brother, Dean. He's never seen
another teenage boy before.
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108. Hey, how many of you
got fathers out there?
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109. Show of hands.
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110. You! Why is your hand not up, man?
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111. What? No father?
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112. You don't look like Jesus, bro.
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113. My daddy died while I was sleeping.
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114. Oh, well, you had a father...
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115. and now you're fuckin' free, man.
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116. Let's go! Come on!
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117. I wanna see all those hands up!
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118. Oh, wait, Action Johnny's hand isn't up.
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119. Why is that?
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120. Does he not have a father?
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121. No! Fathers are caring and protective men.
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122. And I don't have one of those.
No. No, but who cares?
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123. Who cares, who cares,
who cares, who cares!
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124. Maybe I did kill the dog.
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125. Maybe I was the lizard man
that stole your precious serum.
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126. You loved that serum
more than you loved me.
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127. Father!
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128. I liked him better when he was strung out.
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129. Poor bastard.
I can't believe you got him to do this.
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130. I know. You should read his rider.
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131. He requested 20 bars
of Lever 2000, one bottle of Crystal...
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132. one bottle of Dom Perignon,
and two cases of Tropicana Twisters.
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133. Right. Who was that, Van Halen?
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134. No, that was Sean Puffy Combs Daddy.
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135. Hey, Pop, can I show
my new friend my bedroom?
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136. I've never had a friend in there.
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137. Ya know, Pop, I've never even had a friend.
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138. Hank! Stop calling me "Pop"!
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139. If these kids find out that their hero
has had sex...
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140. their heads will explode.
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141. But I want to show my new—
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142. This isn't all about you, Hank.
These kids want to see Rusty Venture.
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143. Maybe when there's a cartoon
called The Venture Brothers...
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144. it'll be different.
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145. Hey Hank, I could sure use
your help with my judo class.
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146. I can't do it without your ukemi.
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147. I'll go change into my Gi!
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148. Smooth, Doc.
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149. Wait till you have kids of your own.
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150. Killing Blackulas with a sword is cool.
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151. But do you know what's really cool?
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152. Safety!
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153. The Order Of The Triad...
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154. has a lot
of strange and dangerous enemies.
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155. Enemies of safety!
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156. One of our enemies is invisible!
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157. And he can enter any home
through the ground.
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158. He's in your home now...
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159. waiting for you in the basement.
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160. His name is Radon!
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161. And he will give you lung cancer.
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162. Lung cancer?
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163. But Al, I don't smoke.
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164. Of course you don't, Jefferson.
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165. Because smoking is more evil
than the hoary Denizens of the underworld.
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166. And if you smoked, we'd know it...
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167. because we have a smoke detector
in every room.
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168. With fresh batteries!
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169. Remember— if a smoke detector
doesn't work, the silence...
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170. Could be deadly!
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171. - When did we lose them?
- That was my fault.
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172. I really hit them with that Radon part.
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173. We never get to my song!
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174. Alright, you really gotta
pound that hip in there.
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175. Break his balance.
You can't just pull the guy over.
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176. You have to roll him over your hip.
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177. What's that throw called?
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178. That one's called o-goshi.
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179. You mean O-gay-shi.
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180. You guys look like a couple
of bonobo chimps.
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181. - What?
- O-gay-shi...
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182. Somebody pulls
that ridiculous move on me...
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183. I'd land my inside axe kick on their face.
I call it the widow-maker.
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184. If I, like, kick a guy married with it.
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185. Alright. Maybe you wanna come up here
and show us some of your technique.
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186. Yeah, you wish.
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187. Too bad I had to register
my hands and instep...
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188. as lethal weapons.
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189. The friggin' government made me do that.
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190. What are you—
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191. Kid, seriously? Are you for real?
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192. Brock, are your feet registered?
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193. Nobody's are. They don't even do that.
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194. This kid's insane.
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195. Yeah, that's right.
You better walk away...
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196. I'm not going anywhere.
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197. What a— what are you doing?
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198. Alright junior Adventurers!
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199. Who wants a tour of Rusty's
scientastic facilities?
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200. What was that up there?
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201. That kid was pushing
my buttons hard.
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202. I-I-I wanted to beat on him.
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203. Don't even think about it,
I'm uninsured.
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204. Go cool down.
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205. You look like you're gonna
pop a blood vessel.
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206. Yeah, I don't know what's got into me.
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207. All aboard for fun!
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208. Next stop...
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209. Excitement town!
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210. Don't forget to collect
your free smile from the trolley conductor.
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211. What are you two idiots doing?
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212. Get on that golf cart thing! Now!
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213. Sweetie, calm down. Honestly.
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214. It's a tour of the compound!
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215. That idiot Dr. Venture
is about to open his shirt...
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216. and tell me where to stick the knife!
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217. You're arching.
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218. I'm seizing an opportunity.
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219. Now how do you do
a screen capture?
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220. It's like shift, option—
Oh, crap! I made an umlaut.
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221. Hey, we're gonna use the buddy system.
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222. The person seated next
to you is your buddy.
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223. Say "hi" to your buddy.
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224. Hi, buddy.
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225. If you touch something that melts
your fingers off tell your buddy.
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226. If you get a face full of
burning hydrofluoric acid...
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227. it's your buddy that drags you
to one of the many eyewash stations.
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228. Any questions?
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229. When do we get
to meet Rusty?
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230. I'm Rusty Venture.
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231. Why can't you kids
wrap your heads around that?
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232. What happened?
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233. I left Neverland
so I could marry Wendy.
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234. What do you think happened?
Any good questions?
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235. Yes, the kid that's bigger
than everyone else.
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236. Yeah, it's Pat.
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237. Pat McCrotch.
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238. Yeah, is this gonna suck
the whole time...
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239. or is this the only part that sucks?
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240. I just want to gauge how much suck
I have to friggin sit through.
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241. Any real questions
about the tour?
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242. OK, the blond boy.
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243. Yes, Walter.
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244. Walter Melon.
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245. Is this gonna be doo-doo stupid—
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246. Walter. Walter, is it?
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247. Yes, locked in your room for two weeks
with nothing to eat but potatoes.
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248. And no car, ever.
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249. - What does that have to do—
- Oh, what?
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250. I'm sorry, I thought you
asked me how long your father...
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251. is going to punish you.
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252. So anybody that doesn't immediately
give you respect, you murder?
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253. No, no. Well...
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254. I mean, I don't always
kill them or anything.
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255. Just like a bruise or two
as a little reminder.
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256. - I mean... until this kid.
- Just talk to him.
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257. When you treat a young man like
an adult, he acts like an adult.
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258. If he was an adult, I'd kick his ass.
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259. You can't stoop to their level.
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260. Yeah, that's the tr—
but another kid could, right?
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261. No, I know where you are going with this.
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262. Yeah, I could get another kid
to beat him down.
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263. - Not even close.
- Don't bother. I'm not listening.
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264. - Who do I make this out to?
- Dean.
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265. Wait, you're not one
of the Venture twins, are you?
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266. My dad told me so say "no" to that.
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267. Look, kid, I have a plane
parked right over there.
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268. You say the word
and we are outta here, man.
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269. You don't need to live like this.
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270. - Dean?
- Here.
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271. Just say the word—
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272. What are you doing, Jon?
Leave the kid alone.
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273. Just signing one of my baby
pictures, Samson.
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274. "Action Johnny"
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275. Hey, Dean, you wanna come with me.
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276. I need a favor.
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277. Just say the word, man!
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278. The E-Den!
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279. A fully enclosed,
self sustaining biological environment.
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280. Designed to prepare a single
male and female astronaut...
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281. for long term,
space station inhabitancy.
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282. Why is it so dirty?
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283. My father died before he taught me to care.
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284. Alright, Billy, wanna give me
a hand with this door?
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285. It's rusted shut.
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286. When was the last time
you opened this?
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287. The project was abandoned
40 years ago.
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288. Maybe it's a push door.
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289. Are you pulling or pushing?
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290. Huh, thought it would be empty...
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291. with, like, a plaque that says
how wonderful my dad was.
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292. Alright, hands in pockets.
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293. I don't care how soft something looks
there's no putting your lips on anything.
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294. This place smells like
a hamper in a hippie's commune.
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295. It's spooky.
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296. Hey, don't touch that!
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297. It will make you sterile.
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298. Wh-what is that?
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299. OK, kids.
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300. So... The E-Den.
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301. A self contained—
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302. We probably should get
back to the camp grounds.
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303. Arts and crafts—
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304. It's OK, I've talked
to a gorilla before.
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305. I know their language.
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306. Koko, fine animal person gorilla.
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307. Brows drink polite nipple there hurry.
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308. Frown bad!
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309. Billy! Billy, I need a kitten!
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310. - Why do you need a kitten?
- They like kittens.
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311. Don't move, they can smell fear!
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312. - Can they smell urine?
- It's like liquid fear!
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313. I pretty much knew
this was gonna happen.
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314. That's why I keep this
sweet Betty ready to play.
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315. The SMK Westlake S2.
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316. Cool beans. Is that a BB gun?
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317. Pellet, douche! Spring firing!
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318. Like I need a CO2 cartridge
going off in my pants.
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319. Mr. Action has just joined the server...
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320. Meow... I'm a pretty kitten, meow.
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321. This isn't working and I don't
know why you think it would!
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322. Oh! Son of a bitch!
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323. Tour's over, kids!
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324. Everybody out!
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325. Harder.
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326. Like, as hard as you can.
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327. Start with your shoulders and snap it.
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328. Try to punch behind my hand.
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329. Come on, Dean, at least
keep your wrist straight.
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330. - Where's your brother?
- He went on dad's tour.
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331. - Doc!
- What!
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332. Is Hank with you?
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333. Hold on...
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334. - Yes, Hank is alive.
- What?
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335. - Look, Brock, I gotta go.
- Yeah, alright.
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336. Hey, we have that
demonstration thing at five.
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337. - And could you tell Hank tha—
- Yes, bye!
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338. Let me out! It's me! Let me out!
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339. - Are you alone?
- Yes! Let me out! Now!
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340. OK! Everybody back
on the people mover. Come on!
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341. This is a fun day camp!
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342. I jettisoned the hand. Got away.
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343. I wasn't alone in there. We lost one.
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344. Well, where was his buddy?
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345. He had a buddy! They all had buddies!
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346. Rusty... I saw a little kid
get disemboweled.
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347. You always wanted to be an Adventurer.
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348. Not like answering trivia, is it, boy?
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349. OK, this is what's gonna happen.
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350. I'm gonna tell the kids that
the ape was a guy in a costume...
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351. and never speak of this again.
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352. Now give me that shoe.
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353. How did you work with those
two idiots all those years?
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354. I can't believe they missed the tour!
Will you look at them...
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355. You can't just send my Moppets out
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356. to arch your former enemy.
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357. I put our name in with the Guild,
and we'll be getting—
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358. I don't wanna hate just anybody.
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359. I wanna hate Venture.
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360. Oh, here we go again.
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361. Shh-shh! Wait!
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362. This should be good.
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363. A hit, huh...
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364. You want us to make him suffer...
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365. or just end it quick and quiet like?
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366. No, no, nothing permanent.
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367. Just, like, give him a little taste of fear.
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368. And I guess you could
break something small...
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369. like a toe.
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370. - We could take out his tongue.
- With a knife.
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371. - Or remove his heart?
- Yeah, with a knife.
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372. - A bigger knife.
- Fucking knife!
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373. Yeah, you guys are, uh—
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374. you're kinda creepy.
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375. I think this may be a stupid idea.
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376. Yeah, hey, uh, Monarch.
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377. You wanna call
the spooky twins home...
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378. before I throw them there?
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379. Ahh! Crap!
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380. - He can't see you.
- Get down!
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381. Oh, and Doc really
misses you idiots.
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382. I'm pretty sure he cries
himself to sleep at night.
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383. - He does?
- Yeah.
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384. Really?
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385. Now when I come out,
you guys yell, "ghost!"
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386. Why don't we get to be ghosts?
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387. We have actual ghost experience.
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388. It's a waste of good magic.
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389. I have only the one sea ghost costume.
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390. And you would not believe
how many pirate costumes I have.
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391. Sorry I'm late. OK, where's Doc?
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392. I want to get this out of the way.
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393. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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394. It says in the program...
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395. "Action Johnny and special guest star."
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396. Johnny don't like "and special" anything!
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397. Failures!
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398. Both of you! Failures!
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399. I can't even send you out
for the simplest mission.
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400. It's like you were trying to fail me!
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401. Was that the hover tank?
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402. Great, Sgt. Hatred.
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403. I can't even watch.
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404. This is worse than seeing
you with another man!
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405. Hey, that was not my idea.
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406. I thought it would turn me on.
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407. But it was just double
the embarrassment.
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408. - Boo!
- Aahh!
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409. Whoa, not too jumpy pants.
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410. Who did you think I was?
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411. Sorry, I thought you were
Hank's new giant boy friend.
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412. So Hank's finally out?
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413. He thinks that Dermott kid
is the kitty's pajamas...
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414. and he is, in fact, very rude.
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415. You're pretty cute sometimes.
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416. And you're the most—
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417. You two girls talking
about your periods?
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418. Don't let us men
disturb your tea party.
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419. I'm sure Silent Sally has some
sweet makeup tips for ya.
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420. Oh, and here's another one—
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421. Keep your seatbelt on at all times.
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422. Thanks, Brock.
These loafers have leather soles.
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423. Italian.
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424. Where were you?
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425. I was cooking
something up in the lab.
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426. We've been keeping the crowd
waiting with safety tips.
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427. Action Johnny!
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428. Come give your Uncle Z a hug.
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429. What is this shit?
What is this shit man?
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430. Is this some kind of a joke?
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431. Did my father send you?
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432. Did he...
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433. Keep him off of me!
He's all kinds of crazy.
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434. Brock, go cool Johnny off.
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435. Get him a Zima or something.
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436. Oh, God, oh God!
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437. Come now, Dr. Venture,
you told me it would be all cool.
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438. Then I get here and Johnny's wired.
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439. Yes, Dr. Venture!
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440. Wired like a time bomb
attached to a killer whale!
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441. Set to go off the moment
you try to free yourself...
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442. You never lose it.
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443. Seriously, you told me
Johnny was clean now.
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444. He's been dry for a month.
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445. But he's been downing Xanax
like they were Cheetos.
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446. He'll be fine.
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447. Just get in your little
helicopter and do a few passes.
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448. OK. Can I shoot at him?
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449. I don't think so.
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450. How 'bout scorpions?
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451. Can I drop scorpions on him?
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452. I bet that foreign guy could
totally trounce your dad's lover.
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453. - Who?
- Your dad's lover in the bunny suit.
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454. The one who picked Action Johnny up
like he was gonna totally hump him.
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455. Dude, do you have any
idea what a dork you are?
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456. I mean, any?
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457. You think you're all hardcore,
but you are so Dave Matthews.
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458. You're lucky you look like a suicide girl...
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459. because of your—
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460. Nobody! That's not how!
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461. Whoa! Silent Sally speaks!
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462. OK, why don't you wait for me naked
while I kick your boyfriend's—
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463. Ow! Come on!
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464. You're very rude! Ahh!
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465. That child is a spinning murdertop.
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466. Are you sure he's your son?
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467. Dean! Stop hitting the—
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468. No, no— They're kids, they're kids.
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469. Why don't you let them work this out.
Yeah.
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470. This is Sgt. Hatred! Your nemesis!
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471. Welcome to flaming hell, Dr. Venture!
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472. Scorch it, boys!
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473. Not now.
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474. Whoa there! Call off your Yeti-mummy!
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475. Ahh, he's murdering my boy.
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476. This is monkey business!
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477. Brock, that suit is rented!
Stop getting blood on it.
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478. He started it!
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479. You can't just kill my bo—
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480. What's this now?
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481. Come on, Venture.
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482. You gotta get these kids off me.
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483. I got a court order that says
I can't be around these...
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484. sexy little children!
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485. Alright, kids, nice job
vanquishing the villain.
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486. Isn't this the best play you ever saw?
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487. Now go back to your seats.
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488. We got to get on the same page here.
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489. I'm just pulling a Moses
on some shrubs.
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490. It's rock bottom henching.
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491. Well, you can't just barge
in and expect a hug.
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492. I'm running a day camp today.
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493. My patoot.
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494. Says right here—
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495. "Wednesday, 5:30, menace Dr. Venture."
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496. Let me see that.
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497. And I'm sorry about my man Brock.
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498. He's not as good with children as
I am and they're getting to him.
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499. OK, here's your problem, 5:30 a.m... a.m.
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500. Looks like a fancy "P."
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501. Alright, fine. Malice troop!
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502. Back in the hover tank!
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503. - Private Schwa!
- Sir!
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504. Yeah, ask the gang where
they want to stop for chow.
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505. Sir, yes sir!
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506. I'm thinking a little soup.
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507. See if Au Bon Pain is OK.
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508. So, I'm just gonna tick
this off as an arch.
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509. If you could just sign here.
And there's a little space for comments.
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510. I guess you could say
I was absolutely menacing and—
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511. This bruhaha brings me back!
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512. Get right out of town!
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513. The Doctor Z!
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514. Oh, man, I love your work.
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515. When you had Kassim eaten by what—
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516. A-a-a damn cheetah or something.
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517. The guy kills his own number two.
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518. That is priceless.
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519. The fool! He made his last blunder!
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520. Oh, oh! This guy right here—
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521. Total pro!
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522. Oh, I gotta get a picture!
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523. - Private Tilday!
- Sir! Yes, sir!
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524. Get the surveillance equipment.
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525. Well, I better get
the little guy home.
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526. Keep an eye out for his hand.
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527. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure it'll turn up.
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528. That's my dad!
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529. Thanks for the zombie self
defense lessons, Mr. Samson.
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530. Uh... Have you seen our son, Kyle?
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531. Oh, there you are!
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532. I have your sweet boy here.
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533. You sure he's okay?
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534. He's limp. And did you—
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535. We shaved his head for the sack race.
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536. Wind resistance.
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537. Yeah, first place.
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538. Then, in Boy Adventurer tradition
we poured victory plasma over him.
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539. Heh, heh. Good fun.
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540. He'll be fine.
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541. - You didn't...
- Oh, please.
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542. You shoulda seen that kid's DNA.
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543. He was a ticking time bomb of cancer.
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544. I cleared that up.
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545. Trust me, they'll thank me
after they re-potty-train him.
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546. Short and Sassy shampoo?
Do they even make that anymore?
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547. Ummm, no, because
you mix Short and Sassy...
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548. with the active ingredient in Certs,
which is Retsyn, you get napalm.
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549. You lather that up,
and it's goodbye to, like, most of your face.
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550. Tsch. That's my mom. I gotta brush.
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551. OK. Hey, Dermott?
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552. Are you gonna call me or whatever
friends do when they're friends?
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553. Yeah, we'll hang.
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554. Shake it sleazy, loser.
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555. Bye bye, loser! Heh heh.
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556. Dermott, sweetie? Did you meet him?
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557. Yeah... he was okay.
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558. You sure he's my real father?
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559. How did we do, mum?
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560. Just as I asked.
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561. My little Moppets
were perfect as always.
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562. Come give your lady a hug.
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563. Mmm, I like the new costume, mum.
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564. I like hugging you in the new costume.
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565. OK, you two, time to stop.
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