1. Hup! 74, 75—
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2. General Treister?
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3. Hold on! 77!
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4. Bingo. Whoo!
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5. Heh, throw me that towel, son.
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6. Squat thrusts!
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7. One for every year
this bone bag refuses...
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8. to crawl under the porch and die.
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9. Let's go, big boy!
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10. You better get in step or so help me...
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11. I'll nail you to the wall
of the ladies' room!
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12. There ya go! Knew you could do it.
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13. Now what can I do you for, my boys?
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14. Ya here to wrestle me?
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15. Eh, no sir, it's Agent 92-62.
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16. Samson! That boy's gonna give me
another heart attack.
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17. My ninth, if we're counting.
And we are!
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18. What has he done now?
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19. Agent Samson has just turned
the O.S.I. list of top assassins...
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20. into the obituary page.
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21. Handy if you're an editor.
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22. But a pain in the patoot if you're me!
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23. Who's down?
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24. Don't use that one!
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25. It's set to record
Battlestar Galactica.
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26. Number six...
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27. Try to blame me!
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28. Herr Trigger, sniper.
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29. Found in a dumpster outside
of a strip club.
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30. Apparently he's a bad tipper.
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31. Go-fish, at-sea assassin.
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32. Body washed up on a public beach.
Still waiting for the head.
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33. Le Tueur, big game hunter.
Presumed dead.
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34. He doesn't answer his cell phone.
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35. If you met the guy, you'd understand.
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36. Ehh, too much public killing.
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37. In my day, we'd draw the curtains...
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38. before we punched a man's time clock.
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39. Boys, we gotta put an end...
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40. to this small town talent show
ourselves.
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41. It's already gone on well past
the fat lady's encore.
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42. What's our next move, sir?
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43. A-squad vanquisher...
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44. packed to the attic
with assault doohickies!
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45. And daddy's gonna sit in the big chair.
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46. Yes, sir.
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47. I'm gonna personally make damn sure...
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48. we end this Samson problem, A-SAP!
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49. Let's move out!
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50. I should get dressed, I guess.
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51. You'll never get me to talk, pigs.
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52. We got you at the scene,
covered in the victim's blood...
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53. with the murder weapon on the floor.
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54. You better start flappin' those gums
or you're lookin' at life plus 20, Tralfaz.
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55. Um, may I say something?
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56. I'm not really "with" him... Ow!
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57. Tralfaz. What is that, Polish?
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58. It's Spanish for "go fuck yourself."
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59. H-He doesn't speak for both of us.
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60. Ow!
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61. I-I don't think—
I don't think that's true.
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62. My wife speaks a little Spanish.
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63. Hold on, I'm gonna call her— Ow! Hey!
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64. I'm sorry, you think
maybe we can stick to...
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65. you know,
questioning the suspects here?
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66. What is this,
the bad cop - retarded cop routine?
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67. OK! OK!
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68. We'll tell you everything
you want to know!
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69. I'd like my own counsel.
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70. I told you, boys. You're not under arrest.
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71. I just want to ask you a few questions.
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72. Let's start with this "Brock"
you keep talking about.
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73. Who is he?
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74. He's our bodyguard.
He protects us.
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75. Does "Brock" speak to you?
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76. - 'Course.
- Both of you?
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77. - Duh.
- OK.
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78. Does Brock ever...
tell you what to do?
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79. Yeah. Well, sometimes.
Sorta. I guess.
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80. Mm hmm.
And this robot friend of yours, this...
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81. "Helper."
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82. Does he speak to you, too?
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83. One last chance.
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84. Where is Venture?
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85. Did he tell us?
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86. It seemed like he was being sarcastic.
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87. See, it's the upwards inflection.
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88. It doesn't really feel like directions.
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89. You tell us where Venture is
or we break something...
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90. Comprende?
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91. Oh! Nice move, dick.
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92. Oh shit! I busted him!
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93. Dude, I barely tapped it!
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94. I swear! I'm wicked sorry.
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95. Don't apologize!
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96. Now he knows we mean business.
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97. Now you tell me
Venture's location or we—
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98. Knock off your head?
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99. Again...
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100. intentionally!
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101. So what's your relationship...
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102. with this Le Tueur character?
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103. Never heard of him.
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104. Oh, maybe this'll refresh your memory.
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105. The stiff in your room split
straight up the garanimals?
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106. Eh, good luck pickin' up that spare.
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107. W-What the hell
is that supposed to mean?
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108. You know, 'cause he cut him in half.
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109. It's like a 7-10 split. Like in bowling.
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110. But, you know, with a guy.
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111. That is... downright esoteric.
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112. I got it right away.
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113. You... shut your mouth.
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114. Do we get socked on the lips
every time we talk...
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115. or only when we make a point? Ow.
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116. So that's—
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117. that's every time then?
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118. Oh, alright. Fine.
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119. I'll tell you everything.
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120. - Can I get one of those?
- No.
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121. My family and I have been on the run
from an elite squad of super-assassins...
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122. who've been trying to kill our bodyguard
since last night.
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123. If you don't let us go so we can help him
he'll probably be dead by morning.
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124. Fascinating. Now, if we could...
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125. let's get back to this giant butterfly.
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126. Look, I told you what you want to know.
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127. Now gimme my phone call!
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128. OK fine, boys. This is—
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129. this is a good place
to take a break.
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130. Eh, who would you like to call?
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131. Hello, Pop? This guy's a tool.
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132. OK, that stung!
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133. I have delicate joints...
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134. You gentlemen are free to go.
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135. Uncuff 'em, detectives. Now.
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136. Aww, why?
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137. No body, no case. It's over.
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138. Whoa whoa!
What are you talking about no body?
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139. That room looked like the set
from Saw freakin' one!
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140. Nope... The room
was down right Martha Stewart.
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141. Forensics couldn't find dick...
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142. except for a faint, eh,
lemony fresh kinda odor.
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143. I can still smell it.
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144. Aaah!
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145. Oh no no! No, no!
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146. Aaahh!
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147. Let me guess. You're The Cleaner?
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148. Alright, smart guy. We played it nice.
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149. Venture's location.
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150. You have three seconds...
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151. 2, 1 ...
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152. OK 24, light him up.
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153. Do I connect the positive side first or—
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154. Who cares?
He's not a Mitsubishi Galant, just do it.
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155. What the hell are you doing to him?
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156. Ah! Honey?
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157. We were just asking him stuff.
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158. Oh, you poor sweet thing.
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159. Did the bad men hurt you?
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160. Monarch, this goes against
the Guild Sentience Conference of 1998!
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161. We have to bring him back to his family.
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162. Your family must miss you.
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163. Let's find them and get you
back to safety.
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164. Alright, run these numbers
through the NAV-COMM.
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165. It's somewhere in California.
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166. That dirty fucking robot got
grease all over my dress.
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167. Sweetie, your "good-cop" is chilling.
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168. That was so hot...
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169. Hot, hot cop.
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170. Wee!
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171. Eh, this is as far as I go.
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172. There's a rental car waiting for you
quarter of a mile south of here.
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173. Keys and a new I.D.
In the glove box, Cochise.
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174. Good luck to ya man.
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175. Yeah, I uh, only got
one problem with that plan—
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176. Hank never called you.
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177. I did.
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178. Figured even the mighty
Brock Samson might have trouble...
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179. fighting the entire O.S.I.
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180. Molotov.
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181. I don't know why I'm surprised.
How'd you find us?
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182. You haven't exactly been discreet.
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183. Oh, like that get-up is?
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184. Though I gotta admit,
for a disguise, it's pretty good.
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185. Hardly recognized ya.
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186. W-What disg—? I'm off-duty.
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187. Ha ha ha! That's—
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188. that's how you dress when
you're not catwoman-ing around?
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189. I might have to rethink
this whole relationship.
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190. Who's that hood rat
Brock's talking to?
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191. He can get any shorty he wants.
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192. More of your friends, Molotov?
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193. Molotov?
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194. Venture!
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195. Come out, come out
wherever you are...
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196. Ugh. Really?
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197. Eh, clichéd, I know.
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198. Trust me, it sounds
extra-creepy over the P.A.
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199. Hello, Dr. Venture.
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200. I hope you don't mind
I called your private number.
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201. Your robot gave it to me.
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202. And if you ever want to see him
alive again you will show yourself.
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203. Is he serious?
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204. Deadly!
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205. You have exactly one minute to—
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206. Aw, check it out.
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207. When you turn on night vision
with the lights on...
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208. it's like an X-ray camera. Kinda.
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209. Samson!
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210. What in the hell
do you think you're doin'?
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211. Still breathing,
General Treister, sir.
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212. No thanks to you.
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213. Aw, you're lookin' fine, son.
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214. Glad to see you finally took
that mop top down to regulation.
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215. Cut the crap, sir.
What do you want from me?
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216. The O.S.I. wants you
to come in from the cold, son.
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217. It's high time we had us
a lil' old fashioned pow-wow.
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218. And put a stop to this situation.
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219. I think we're way past that, sir.
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220. Now, now, now don't go gettin'...
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221. all "first blood" on me, boy.
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222. You got a family to think about.
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223. How long you really think
you're gonna last out there...
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224. in the wilderness
with those Ventures?
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225. They're not part of this.
I don't want them harmed.
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226. They won't be if you just do what we say.
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227. Now why don't you just give us
the coordinates...
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228. like a good soldier...
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229. 20 seconds, Venture.
What's it gonna be?
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230. Nineteen...
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231. Alright. I'll give you what you want.
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232. But it goes down the way
I say it does.
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233. We meet at the Venture Compound.
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234. Dawn.
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235. Dawn? Ha! Dean—
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236. We're finally gonna meet
our long lost sister!
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237. Wake up! We're here.
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238. Gather round my winged flock!
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239. Eh, my breath.
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240. Go! Run!
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241. Head for the panic room quick.
And stay low!
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242. Aw, every time something
remotely cool happens...
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243. it's "get in the panic room!" Unfair!
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244. Alright, alright,
can't I at least change first?
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245. This has to be the most
uncomfortable thing I've ever worn.
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246. Today is a day which will live long...
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247. in the annals of Monarch history!
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248. With the sun at our backs we shall—
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249. Uh, M-Monarch—?
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250. Ah! Do. Not. Interrupt!
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251. There. You happy now?
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252. Look what you did.
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253. Now you don't get to go on
the murder crusade!
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254. Honey, what the hell are we doing here?
This is obviously a trap.
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255. Damn right it is!
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256. But whom is trapping whom?
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257. Let's just say I took the liberty...
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258. of upgrading
his precious robot's equipment...
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259. with two gigabytes of kablam!
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260. The big chair!
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261. Right on schedule.
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262. Samson! Hup bah, what's the what?
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263. We ready to do this thing?
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264. Well, Venture... here we are again.
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265. Uh, hang on just a sec', General.
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266. Di—?
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267. That son of a bitch just put me on hold?
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268. Your fancy new plane
won't save you, Venture.
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269. We're having this out, here and now
once and for all!
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270. Oh, I couldn't agree
with you more, Monarch.
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271. Why don't ya come on around
back and say hello?
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272. I'd be delighted.
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273. Sugar crown, we don't even
know what that thing can do.
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274. Oh, sweetness...
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275. Why do you think
we have henchmen?
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276. Besides, he's Rusty Venture
not the O. S. Freaking I.
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277. Anything he can throw at us
we can throw back tenfold!
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278. Sorry 'bout that, General.
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279. What were ya, tyin' yer boots?
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280. Are you comin' out
or are ya gonna make us...
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281. come in there and get you?
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282. Won't be necessary, sir.
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283. I'm a comin' around now...
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284. Uh, sir? Can we get an order here?
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285. Fire!
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286. Who the hell are those guys?
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287. They're henchmen for the Monarch, sir.
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288. What in the hell's a Monarch?
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289. Low level Guild troublemaker.
Used to arch Dr. Venture.
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290. Then he arched Dr. Venture.
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291. Aw, come on, General.
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292. That any way to treat my friends?
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293. Those clowns are with you?
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294. What in hell is going on here, Samson?
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295. Just tryin' to even
the playing field a little, sir.
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296. Looks like Samson's gone
over to the Guild, sir.
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297. Want me to give the order
to take out the big cocoon?
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298. Is that what that thing is?
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299. Jeepers crappers, no.
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300. If Samson's pulled a full-on Judas
there's no tellin'...
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301. what kinda trade secrets
he might've given up.
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302. I want him alive. Ground forces!
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303. Henchmen!
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304. Form battle squadrons...
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305. and prepare for full assault
on my order!
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306. I told you...
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307. - We should just leave already.
- Oh stop yourself.
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308. Moppets!
Prepare my Death's Head Panoply!
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309. There it is again!
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310. I'm telling ya there's like
a skunk ape out there or something.
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311. Hank, sit down and pretend to be sane.
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312. Dean, what are you doing?
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313. I can't feel my left arm.
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314. How old do you have to be
to have a heart attack?
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315. In regular years, or pansy years?
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316. Whatever! Why!
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317. Why can't I just have a normal life?
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318. I had that dream once too.
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319. Open up!
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320. Aahh! Sergeant Hatred!
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321. What the hell is he doing here?
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322. You're just gonna let him in?
He's Pop's arch enemy!
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323. Yeah technically, like on paper.
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324. Hello, ladies.
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325. Where's your old man at?
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326. Behind those boxes. Hiding from you.
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327. - Thanks, Hank.
- There you are!
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328. OK, you have to kill me.
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329. I've been here for like two
days trying to do it myself.
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330. I tried to blow my head off
with a damn shrink ray.
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331. Now I got a little baby tongue.
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332. I'm a failure.
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333. What's wrong with him?
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334. He's having a heart attack.
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335. Look Nelly-boy,
you don't know of heart pain!
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336. I've tried to change.
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337. I quit the sauce, the cigars,
the young boys.
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338. And she still left me!
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339. Mister Hatred,
could you stop yelling please?
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340. Honestly.
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341. Come on, man! Kill me!
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342. Attack.
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343. Attack!
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344. Attaack!
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345. "O.S.I."
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346. Tortilla chip?
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347. They are not only cool, they are ranch.
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348. Totally. What are you doing?
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349. I'm creating realistic battle damage.
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350. So when we join them at the end...
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351. it'll look like I've seen some action.
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352. It'll look like rubbed snack on your face.
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353. Oh! Listen to that!
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354. Did you just hear that guy?
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355. That guy right there.
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356. That is a guy on fire!
You can totally tell.
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357. What the!
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358. Ah crap, he's stealing our hiding place!
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359. Dude! Bail!
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360. Come on!
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361. I can't! My seat belt is jammed!
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362. Why'd you buckle it?
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363. Why would you do that!
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364. I don't know!
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365. Why did you buckle up! Why?
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366. Just choke me!
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367. Choke my neck! Damn you!
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368. Strangle my pain away...
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369. please!
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370. Look, crazy.
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371. So your teen bride left you. Big whoop.
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372. Is she really worth ending everything—
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373. Hank! What are you doing?
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374. I'm going out there.
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375. Brock needs me!
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376. That boy is not even close
to a chip off the old block.
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377. He's got guts!
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378. Excuse me?
You don't know me.
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379. Why in my prime, I saw some things...
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380. that would make your head spin.
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381. Yeah, I saw a guy's head spin.
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382. Like right off his neck.
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383. Why? Because I punched him! Top that!
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384. OK... OK!
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385. My father made me kill a man—
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386. kill a man with a house key!
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387. - I was ten!
- Oh, that's nothing!
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388. I ate a whole Labrador Retriever once!
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389. I'm serious!
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390. Blah, blah! All this talk!
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391. We gotta do something!
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392. Brock is being attacked
by his friends.
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393. Your real arch enemy
is trying to kill you...
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394. and you're swapping war stories
with Sergeant Kill Me!
Copy !req
395. Wow! I like this one.
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396. - And he is right.
- He's crazy.
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397. He's gonna get us killed!
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398. No, he has got something.
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399. Look at us.
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400. We are hiding from our true selves.
Copy !req
401. I'm a fighter, not a lover!
Copy !req
402. And you...
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403. you were Rusty Venture once.
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404. Maybe the most fearless
Boy Adventurer ever.
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405. Maybe the most?
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406. And Hank here...
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407. Hank is becoming a man.
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408. I can feel it in my bones!
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409. And Dean...
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410. Dean is—
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411. Sensitive.
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412. He'll come around!
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413. Now let's get out there
and show those frail flowers...
Copy !req
414. who the hell they're dealing with!
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415. Let's pretend this is a good idea.
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416. We'd need an army—
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417. We've got one!
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418. Hank, there are only four—
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419. um, three and a half of us.
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420. Not if you let me open
my Christmas gifts early...
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421. there aren't.
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422. Ten- hut!
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423. Left left...
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424. left right left...
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425. left left...
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426. left right left!
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427. Company halt!
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428. He did it!
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429. Sgt. Hatred saved the day!
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430. And we helped!
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431. Kinda!
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432. Go Team Venture!
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433. Oh, God! Oh, no no no!
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434. Whoa whoa whoa! Cease fire!
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435. Cease fire!
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436. Alright look just...
just put your weapons down!
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437. I give up, OK?
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438. Now let me talk to General Treister.
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439. All right put me here,
and give me the megaphone.
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440. Hold it up for me.
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441. I- I can't move my arms.
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442. Enemies of the Monarch!
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443. Behold my impressive
Death's Head Panoply!
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444. The final solution in tailoring!
Copy !req
445. Recoil in terror...
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446. as the mighty Monarch
goes supernova!
Copy !req
447. Oh, sweet tights, not that.
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448. You never tested it.
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449. You are gonna kill yourself.
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450. Why do you always have
to take that last step over the crazy edge?
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451. And now I write this
battle's final chapter...
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452. with the blood of my enemies!
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453. It's the little button on the sleeve.
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454. Well, there's my life's
work up in smoke.
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455. Oh, God!
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456. I feel like I'm the one dying.
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457. We should be out there with them!
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458. We should be fighting side by side...
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459. with our moist warrior brethren!
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460. Ah, ba ba ba.
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461. Just take it down a notch, Hank.
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462. You only live once.
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463. Aah! Aaaah!
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464. Aaaaahhhh!
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465. Help! Help help!
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466. Oh, God.
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467. Sure got a funny way
of thankin' people, Samson.
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468. Fly all the way here to save
your butt and what do we get?
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469. Face full of moth people!
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470. They're butterflies, sir.
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471. Really?
'The hell I'm thinking of, then?
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472. - Emperor moths?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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473. What are you talkin' about,
savin' my butt?
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474. You sicced those three goons on it!
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475. And then when they weren't enough
you came here to finish the job yourselves.
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476. Boy, I don't know what
the hell you're talkin' about.
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477. All I know is when O.S.I. hears
one of its baby chicks is in trouble...
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478. Momma comes a-runnin'
and a-squawkin, and a-runnin.
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479. That's how we do.
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480. Then you didn't uh...
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481. you're not...
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482. I was never...
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483. Ah shit.
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484. Son, I believe your mind has gone AWOL.
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485. I shoulda seen this comin'.
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486. Your work's been gettin' sloppy
across the board, boy.
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487. Public killins',
abuse of company property—
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488. and none of your reports on Dr. Venture...
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489. ever mentioned nuthin'
'bout no illegal clone farm.
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490. You... you send them reports about me?
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491. Maybe you've been on this detail too long.
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492. Why don't you come back with us...
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493. so we can find you a nice,
new assignment?
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494. Maybe somethin' a little easier
on the ol' noggin'?
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495. Thank you. No, sir.
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496. I've seen enough
spinning butterfly...
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497. naked boy armies...
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498. Screw this.
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499. I'd rather, uh, quit.
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500. Yeah, you tell him, Brock!
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501. Well good for you!
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502. O.S.I., who needs 'em?
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503. Where are you going?
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504. Aren't you going to help
clean up this mess?
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505. I said I quit.
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506. You know...
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507. I could use a job.
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508. Hey, Monarch!
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509. Huh?
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510. I'm takin' your fuckin' car.
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511. Oh. Yeah, yeah.
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512. Twenty Four!
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513. Nooo!
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514. Ow!
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515. So much for our competition.
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516. Congratulations, ladies.
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517. Just as we planned...
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518. we are now the top assassins
in the country.
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519. The Blackhearts Elimination Agency...
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520. is officially open for business.
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521. Thanks to Mr. Brock Samson.
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522. To Brock Samson!
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523. Long live that blonde haired...
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524. butter cream frosted murder cake!
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