1. Brock, no!
Why'd you kill the Mayhem Mobile?Copy !req
2. Adrienne!Copy !req
3. Her name was Adrienne.Copy !req
4. And it was her or me.Copy !req
5. I thought you called her Danger Hawk?Copy !req
6. Well, I call it a mess.Copy !req
7. You are gonna clean this up,
aren't you?Copy !req
8. Everyone just—Copy !req
9. just give me a minute.Copy !req
10. I need to think.Copy !req
11. Brock?Copy !req
12. Give him time, boy.
Thinking's new to him.Copy !req
13. OK, OK, here's what's gonna happen.Copy !req
14. I want all of you dressed
and on that plane in two minutes.Copy !req
15. - Why, what's going on?
- I just got into my PJs.Copy !req
16. I'll explain later.Copy !req
17. H.E.L.P.eR., prep the X-1 for take off.Copy !req
18. Oh, what the hell's
the matter with him now?Copy !req
19. I think he thinks he's next.Copy !req
20. He often speaks
of the coming war between man...Copy !req
21. and the brotherhood of machines.Copy !req
22. OK, OK.Copy !req
23. H.E.L.P.eR.,
I want you to go plot a course...Copy !req
24. for Spider Skull Island.Copy !req
25. Oh, my brother's place?Copy !req
26. Doc, if what I think is going down...Copy !req
27. I gotta get you guys some place safe.Copy !req
28. Dangerous men may already be
on their way here.Copy !req
29. So turn on the electric fence and go to bed.Copy !req
30. Why are you suddenly so paranoid?Copy !req
31. People have been trying to kill me
since I could pee standing up.Copy !req
32. They're not coming for you.Copy !req
33. They're coming for me.Copy !req
34. Oh God, they're here already.Copy !req
35. Everybody take cover!Copy !req
36. Car trouble?Copy !req
37. We are going to storm
the Venture Compound!Copy !req
38. I'm not stopping.
You should have thought of that before.Copy !req
39. I didn't have to pee then.Copy !req
40. Ugh! Here. Pee in this.Copy !req
41. Come on!
There's still drink in this!Copy !req
42. Please just pull over.Copy !req
43. There's a gas station coming up.
I could pull over.Copy !req
44. Sweet, I could go for a slushie.
But I have to change first.Copy !req
45. Yeah, I wanna change too.Copy !req
46. They always ask us what band we play in...Copy !req
47. when we wear these things in public.Copy !req
48. We're storming!Copy !req
49. We're not driving to Grandma's house.Copy !req
50. Pee in the cup!Copy !req
51. Man! OK, jeez. Alright, no looking.Copy !req
52. Look at it? I don't even
want to think about it.Copy !req
53. I hate my henchmen.Copy !req
54. This was your idea.
I wanted to take the Cocoon.Copy !req
55. That's just what Venture expects us to do.Copy !req
56. But he won't expect this.Copy !req
57. You and your two best men...Copy !req
58. me and my... men.Copy !req
59. We keep it slim! Elite forces.Copy !req
60. Great idea.Copy !req
61. One of your "elite forces" is
playing Tetris on his cell phone...Copy !req
62. while the other is peeing
into a Grande Chai Latte.Copy !req
63. My God I wish.Copy !req
64. It's like there's a vice
on my wing-ding!Copy !req
65. You guys gotta stop talking
so I can get into the zone.Copy !req
66. What? Son of a bitch! Sgt. Hatred?Copy !req
67. Is he heading for the— No! No!Copy !req
68. If that wash-up thinks he's going
to ruin this night for me—Copy !req
69. Honey!Copy !req
70. Make the Monarchmobile go faster!Copy !req
71. Uh, look, honey...Copy !req
72. I'd love to stay
and catch up with you...Copy !req
73. but I'm pretty damn sure the O.S.I.
are on their way to terminate me.Copy !req
74. And the last I checked...Copy !req
75. you weren't exactly on their "it list" either.Copy !req
76. The O.S.I.?Copy !req
77. Oh ho ho, darling...Copy !req
78. who do you think asked me to kill you?Copy !req
79. Uh oh, I think you got 'em mad.Copy !req
80. Don't get cute, Samson.Copy !req
81. Release me, or my Blackhearts
will cut you to ribbons.Copy !req
82. Oh, are they with you?Copy !req
83. Hah!Copy !req
84. I never said I took the assignment.Copy !req
85. What's the matter, baby?
You love me too darn much to kill me?Copy !req
86. Maybe I'm just too jealous to share you.Copy !req
87. Your O.S.I. has already
hired three other assassins—Copy !req
88. Heinrich Triggermensch...Copy !req
89. code name Herr Trigger.Copy !req
90. Former member of
the East German Olympic biathlon team...Copy !req
91. and current number one
on Interpol's most wanted Iist.Copy !req
92. Killing is more than just a job for him...Copy !req
93. Business or pleasure,
Mr. uh... Trigger?Copy !req
94. Ecstasy.Copy !req
95. Russell Sturgeon,
code name Go-Fish.Copy !req
96. Little is known about him...Copy !req
97. other than that he specializes
in maritime assassinations.Copy !req
98. And how long will you
be staying, Mr. Sturgeon?Copy !req
99. Till I land me a 250-pounder.Copy !req
100. Jean-Claude Le Tueur.Copy !req
101. His ego won't permit him a code name.Copy !req
102. A bored, rich game hunter...Copy !req
103. he turned to human targets for sport.Copy !req
104. He is also an avid collector
of exotic weapons...Copy !req
105. and something called
"Silver Age" comic books.Copy !req
106. Anything to declare, Mr. Le Tueur?Copy !req
107. Excelsior!Copy !req
108. She's telling the truth, boy-o.Copy !req
109. Probably the first time
in her lying Commie life.Copy !req
110. My moles on the inside confirmed it—Copy !req
111. O.S.I.'s throwing you to the wolves.Copy !req
112. Welcome to my life,
Little Red Riding Hood.Copy !req
113. So, will you help me?Copy !req
114. Well, he he he...Copy !req
115. aren't you going to introduce me
to your friend?Copy !req
116. Piss off, you horrible buzzard!Copy !req
117. - Tsetse fly! Buzz!
- I'll only be a minute.Copy !req
118. Will you just wait out
in the X-1 with the boys?Copy !req
119. You came in the plane?Copy !req
120. You call parking a supersonic
jet in front of a titty bar...Copy !req
121. inconspicuous?Copy !req
122. Who taught you how to be a spy,
fucking Gallagher?Copy !req
123. Hey, thunder thighs!Copy !req
124. You workin' or you gabbin' over there?Copy !req
125. Don't you bark at me, you junkyard dog!Copy !req
126. I'm trying to break the ice here!Copy !req
127. Hits me in my throat
and he just lets it happen!Copy !req
128. He's supposed to be my bodyguard...Copy !req
129. So what do you need, money?Copy !req
130. Nah. Still got the wad
you gave me last time.Copy !req
131. Good! Tip me!Copy !req
132. That's a passport,
driver's license and Discover card.Copy !req
133. Your name is Jesus Tralfaz.Copy !req
134. You live in Pueblo, Colorado...Copy !req
135. you sell aluminum siding...Copy !req
136. and you love The History Channel.Copy !req
137. Quick! Feel my tits! Do it!Copy !req
138. No touching the ladies!Copy !req
139. I can handle this one, Jimmy.Copy !req
140. That's a list of friendly contacts.Copy !req
141. All ex-O.S.I. who've gone
off the reservation like you.Copy !req
142. I'm gonna need wheels...Copy !req
143. You can take mine.Copy !req
144. But you're not gonna like
lookin' for the keys.Copy !req
145. Half the friggin' night looking for a way in
and the front door was unlocked.Copy !req
146. That blows.Copy !req
147. At least we now have
the septic system mapped out.Copy !req
148. Alright! Cut the chatter, it's game time.Copy !req
149. You all know your roles.Copy !req
150. Huddle up. Huddle up!Copy !req
151. OK review... Moppets?Copy !req
152. - We locate the Venture boys.
- And kill them.Copy !req
153. Subdue them.Copy !req
154. - Cut their bellies?
- Subdue their bellies— Dr. My Wife?Copy !req
155. Locate and seduce—Copy !req
156. Subdue! Come on!Copy !req
157. Subdue Brock Samson.Copy !req
158. Henchman 24?Copy !req
159. Locate and subdue the Venture robot.Copy !req
160. Subdue?
You can kill the robot. It's a robot.Copy !req
161. Henchman 21?Copy !req
162. What?Copy !req
163. Dude, I have to pee so bad
it's backing up into my kidneys.Copy !req
164. Wrong! You keep an eye out
for Sgt. Hatred...Copy !req
165. while I locate and subdue Dr. Venture.Copy !req
166. Forget it.
You go to the bathroom.Copy !req
167. Alright Alpha team...Copy !req
168. we've trained for every aspect
of this maneuver—Copy !req
169. - Except for the electric fence.
- Except the fence...Copy !req
170. Which wouldn't have been
a problem if we took the Cocoon.Copy !req
171. OK, let's write history.Copy !req
172. Yah. Yah!Copy !req
173. Go! Go! Get to your brother's!Copy !req
174. OK, bye!
We'll call you when we land.Copy !req
175. No! Maintain radio silence.Copy !req
176. If you don't hear from me in 48 hours...Copy !req
177. get yourself a Yellow Pages...Copy !req
178. and look up "bodyguard."Copy !req
179. No, Brock! We won't go without you!Copy !req
180. You do what I tell you!Copy !req
181. The farther away from me you go
the safer you'll be.Copy !req
182. But... we're a family!Copy !req
183. We stick together
through thick and thin.Copy !req
184. No. You guys are the family.Copy !req
185. I'm just a guy who was hired
to protect you.Copy !req
186. But we, like, love each other.Copy !req
187. I don't love you, boys!Copy !req
188. It was a job. Nothing more.Copy !req
189. And now that it's over,
you'll only get in my way.Copy !req
190. Now get on that plane!Copy !req
191. Boy, that was a close one!Copy !req
192. Hank? What the—?Copy !req
193. Seriously, Brock. The Lassie trick?Copy !req
194. What was I born yesterday?Copy !req
195. Yah!Copy !req
196. Damn it, Hank!Copy !req
197. If we live through this,
I'm going to kill you myself.Copy !req
198. Nuh-uh. You don't have
a license to kill anymore! Ow!Copy !req
199. Doc! Doc!Copy !req
200. Oh, well hello,
Mister "No Radio Contact."Copy !req
201. Hi, Brock!
Miss us already?Copy !req
202. Take a look around
the cockpit, Doc.Copy !req
203. You forget something?Copy !req
204. Eh... Travel Bingo?Copy !req
205. Try your son, Doc.Copy !req
206. - No, Dean's right h—
Hank, ass!Copy !req
207. Why is Hank sitting next to me?Copy !req
208. Well, the boy idolizes you.
You know that.Copy !req
209. Listen to me! Turn the X-1 around.Copy !req
210. - You gotta come get Hank!
- Awww...Copy !req
211. Seatbelt. Now!Copy !req
212. You wanna end up like Gary Busey?Copy !req
213. There's that guy again.Copy !req
214. I see him!
OK, what can we throw at this jackass?Copy !req
215. Let's see...Copy !req
216. Oh Shit!Copy !req
217. Sorry! Sorry!Copy !req
218. Brock? I don't see you.Copy !req
219. Flick your high beams
on and off or something.Copy !req
220. - Ooh! Can I help?
- No, just... everybody shush!Copy !req
221. Oh, there you are. Thanks, Brock.Copy !req
222. Didn't work.Copy !req
223. I know! I know make it stop!Copy !req
224. - Oh! Is it this one...?
- Hank, no!Copy !req
225. Ahh!Copy !req
226. Alright, we're gonna split up again...Copy !req
227. once I get us a safe distance away, oh—Copy !req
228. Busey!Copy !req
229. But we won the car chase!
Unfair! Unfair!Copy !req
230. Starboard engine's dead.Copy !req
231. I gotta put her down fast!Copy !req
232. Damn it! Landing gear's gone!Copy !req
233. Ha!Copy !req
234. Time to subdue. Ugh!Copy !req
235. Gotcha ya mother fuckin'...Copy !req
236. What would a teenager be doing
with a stuffed animal?Copy !req
237. - I know what I did with them.
- Me, too.Copy !req
238. Ugh, I can't believe
I touched it.Copy !req
239. A-ha-ha!Copy !req
240. Ngh.Copy !req
241. Wake up, sexy.Copy !req
242. Ha!Copy !req
243. Die, Doctor— oh, come on!Copy !req
244. Bust it down, why don't ya?Copy !req
245. Oh dude, sorry...Copy !req
246. It's occupado!Copy !req
247. I thought it was stuck. Wait...Copy !req
248. Alpha Team, we have a 27-6
in the master bedroom, over.Copy !req
249. Yeah, hi.Copy !req
250. I have no idea what
those numbers mean.Copy !req
251. Just get up here!Copy !req
252. Where the fuck are you!Copy !req
253. So who is this guy?Copy !req
254. Old O.S.I. buddy of mine.Copy !req
255. Oh, good plan,
General Westmoron.Copy !req
256. Let's just hand ourselves over
to the guys who're trying to kill us.Copy !req
257. Me. They're trying to kill me.Copy !req
258. And he's not with the agency anymore.Copy !req
259. He got kicked out a couple years ago
on a don't-ask-don't-tell beef.Copy !req
260. So we know he can keep a secret!Copy !req
261. Well well, well well well.Copy !req
262. Looky what the cat dragged in.Copy !req
263. Hey, Shore Leave.Copy !req
264. Long time no—Copy !req
265. Ah, no no-no-no!Copy !req
266. Not my handle anymore.Copy !req
267. These days I'm called "Holy Diver."Copy !req
268. Brock Samson, as I live and breathe!Copy !req
269. Hey! I remember you.Copy !req
270. You're Mile High.Copy !req
271. Not anymore.
"Sky Pilot" is my call sign...Copy !req
272. ever since Jesus slew
our demons of homosexuality.Copy !req
273. - Oh, boy.
- That's great.Copy !req
274. So now you guys are—?Copy !req
275. Partners!Copy !req
276. In the fastest growing youth ministry
in Southern California!Copy !req
277. Are you here to enroll these
fine young Christian soldiers...Copy !req
278. in our Extreme Outreach Program?Copy !req
279. Ew.
Hey, fun!Copy !req
280. Uh, no, I just wanna charter your boat...Copy !req
281. to take these guys to Spider Skull Island...Copy !req
282. while I deal with a, uh, sticky situation.Copy !req
283. Mm... no can do-do-do.Copy !req
284. We've got "Bible Dive" at noon.Copy !req
285. And "Parasailing Through Corinthians"
from two to three.Copy !req
286. Ah jeez.Copy !req
287. Look, can you at least
hook me up with some supplies?Copy !req
288. Couple pounds of C-4...Copy !req
289. No.
Trip wire...Copy !req
290. Maybe a spear gun...
No. And no.Copy !req
291. We're not in the killing
business anymore, Brock-Odile.Copy !req
292. We're in the saving business.Copy !req
293. But we have got the only weapon
you'll ever need, friend.Copy !req
294. Let's go.Copy !req
295. Ugh!Copy !req
296. Huh?Copy !req
297. What? Huh?Copy !req
298. Brock!Copy !req
299. Oh, that sinner just messed
with the wrong brothers!Copy !req
300. Because we're not just
Sky Pilot and Holy Diver...Copy !req
301. mild-mannered Adventure
Bible School pastors...Copy !req
302. We're also...Copy !req
303. The Soul Mates!Copy !req
304. Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
305. You're all about to witness
a true miracle of faith.Copy !req
306. It it so good.Copy !req
307. Ephesians sequence ready!Copy !req
308. Activate— Boots of the gospel!Copy !req
309. Initiate— Loin-girding
Codpiece of Truth!Copy !req
310. Um... is this gonna take long?Copy !req
311. Oh-ho! "Ye have need of patience...Copy !req
312. "that, after ye have done the will of God...Copy !req
313. "ye might receive the promise."Copy !req
314. Engage—
Breastplate of Righteousness!Copy !req
315. Ha ha ha. Mouthful of this bastard.Copy !req
316. Ha ha, ha ha!Copy !req
317. You gotta be kidding me!Copy !req
318. I think he's throwing
sharks at him now.Copy !req
319. Activate— Helmet of Salvation!Copy !req
320. Ephesians sequence complete!Copy !req
321. Thank God.Copy !req
322. Now for the Shield of Faith
and the Sword of Spirit...Copy !req
323. to complete the ensemble!Copy !req
324. Boom! Yummy!Copy !req
325. More bait? Aww... Gyp!Copy !req
326. Alright! Let's kick trespass ass!Copy !req
327. Alright! Now we're gonna see
some head-bustin'!Copy !req
328. Oh, Lord, give us
the strength in this dark hour...Copy !req
329. What are you doing?Copy !req
330. He's right there!Copy !req
331. Get him!Copy !req
332. Where is Brock?Copy !req
333. He's gonna kill him!Copy !req
334. - Aren't you gonna do something?
- Excuse me! We are.Copy !req
335. The power of prayer
can move mountains, Hank.Copy !req
336. This is worse than calling Orpheus.Copy !req
337. Ha ha ha! I've got you now.Copy !req
338. You're on the end of my line
and you're going nowhere.Copy !req
339. Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
340. Ha ha ha haCopy !req
341. "O God the lord,
the strength of my salvation...Copy !req
342. "thou hast covered my head
in the day of battle."Copy !req
343. The Monarch and I
are taking your arch enemy.Copy !req
344. I cleared it with the Guild,
and Venture is ours.Copy !req
345. - Now if we could—
- She's leaving me.Copy !req
346. - What?
- Princess Tinyfeet.Copy !req
347. She, I, she's gonna pack up
her teepee and leave me.Copy !req
348. I just know it.Copy !req
349. Did she say
she was leaving you?Copy !req
350. I got this text.Copy !req
351. - That's a big cell phone.
- I'm a big boy.Copy !req
352. "We need to talk." That's it?Copy !req
353. I can't live without her!Copy !req
354. She is the sun to my... my lawn?
I don't know.Copy !req
355. Well, how do you know...Copy !req
356. that's what she wants
to talk about?Copy !req
357. You're a woman...Copy !req
358. I mean, you are a woman, right?Copy !req
359. I'm gonna ignore that.Copy !req
360. Well, you think it's something else?Copy !req
361. No.Copy !req
362. "We need to talk" is kinda universal
for "I'm leaving you".Copy !req
363. It's the butter-up part.Copy !req
364. Ah! She's buttering me!Copy !req
365. I don't want to live anymore!Copy !req
366. I'm not leaving till my arch enemy
comes home and kills me.Copy !req
367. Ahhhh, alright.Copy !req
368. Get that door shut and settle in!Copy !req
369. OK, we're gonna lay low here
for a day or so.Copy !req
370. Grab some Z's while you can...Copy !req
371. until I scare up a ride outta here.Copy !req
372. Ugh. I could use a shower.Copy !req
373. I call dibs!Copy !req
374. Uh!Copy !req
375. Why can't I get rid of you?Copy !req
376. Fine. I'm goin' out for supplies.Copy !req
377. Boys, stay in the room...Copy !req
378. and don't open that door for anyone.Copy !req
379. Oh, Brock?Copy !req
380. Can you get me some conditioner
while you're out?Copy !req
381. My beard.Copy !req
382. I use it— It's for my beard.Copy !req
383. Here's what I've gleaned.Copy !req
384. Hatred won't leave until Dr.
Venture comes and kills him.Copy !req
385. He said, and I quote:Copy !req
386. "I, like Patty Smythe before me...Copy !req
387. "am a warrior...Copy !req
388. "and will die at the hand
of my arch enemy."Copy !req
389. Well he's gonna be
in there for a while.Copy !req
390. They took the jet.Copy !req
391. Come on! We have to go.Copy !req
392. Just a minute!Copy !req
393. Can you guys at least talk
in the closet or something!Copy !req
394. Cause I still have to tinkle wicked bad!Copy !req
395. You haven't peed yet?Copy !req
396. What are you a camel?Copy !req
397. Honey, this could go all night.Copy !req
398. I'm going back for the Cocoon.Copy !req
399. I'm not gonna say I told you so!Copy !req
400. Ah!Copy !req
401. Little me time.Copy !req
402. We now return to...Copy !req
403. "Mummy Incorporated."Copy !req
404. Holy cow, I think I'm in love!Copy !req
405. - With that towel!
- Oh, you like zis?Copy !req
406. It is ze Batman.Copy !req
407. 'E is my all-time favorite comic.Copy !req
408. Dude, you are almost
speaking my language!Copy !req
409. Ah, oui oui oui
when I am your age in Paree...Copy !req
410. at night I would go up to, uh, on ze eh...Copy !req
411. on ze, ze rooftop? Eh?Copy !req
412. And I imagine zat I am ze Batman.
So cool...Copy !req
413. Well, when I was my age...Copy !req
414. I jumped off my roof
in- in a Batman costume.Copy !req
415. I think. I might've just dreamt it.Copy !req
416. You are to see ze uh, ze Batman ride...Copy !req
417. at a ze Magic Mountain
while you are in town?Copy !req
418. I hope to go after I finish
my work here...Copy !req
419. Really? What sorta line are you in?Copy !req
420. Hank! Get away from that guy!Copy !req
421. Brock Samson...Copy !req
422. Le Tueur!Copy !req
423. Hank! Are you OK?
Did he hurt you?Copy !req
424. No, he's cool, Brock.Copy !req
425. We're gonna go
to Comic Con together!Copy !req
426. Samson!Copy !req
427. Cool! He's got a batterang!Copy !req
428. Ow!Copy !req
429. Hey!Copy !req
430. You cut off your hair.Copy !req
431. Why do you do zis?Copy !req
432. You had such a cool look...Copy !req
433. "The only weapon
you'll ever need, friend!"Copy !req
434. Boys!
You're ruining Daddy's ambiance.Copy !req
435. Let's keep that TV below three!Copy !req
436. I'm a great admirer
of your work, Monsieur Samson.Copy !req
437. It is an honor to do battle with you.Copy !req
438. Oh, don't start that crap.Copy !req
439. This sword was forged
by Ikkansai Shigetsugu...Copy !req
440. Master Swordsmith
of the Nihonto Tanren Denshusho.Copy !req
441. Oh, man, shut up already.Copy !req
442. Why do you sword guys
always gotta talk...Copy !req
443. about how cool your swords are?Copy !req
444. - Ow!
- Sorry, Hank.Copy !req
445. Boys! Clear out outta here!Copy !req
446. You said to stay in the room. Ahh!Copy !req
447. - Check it out.
- Son of a bitch!Copy !req
448. This is why Daddy has
to drink to relax, boys.Copy !req
449. Dean? Do we have a mini-bar out there?Copy !req
450. You have been most
worthy prey, Monsieur Samson.Copy !req
451. But now I must adieu.Copy !req
452. Wait! Dude! What about Batman?Copy !req
453. ¿Quoi?Copy !req
454. You call yourself a Batman fan?Copy !req
455. He would never kill anybody.Copy !req
456. Seriously, ask yourself—Copy !req
457. what would Batman do?Copy !req
458. I have a confession, Hank.Copy !req
459. I only like ze Batman
because he has ze best villains.Copy !req
460. Eh ahhh!Copy !req
461. Finally.Copy !req
462. Thank you.Copy !req
463. Good work, Hank.Copy !req
464. Eh, thank you, Dean.Copy !req
465. And you wanted to get rid of us.Copy !req
466. Wanna make yourself
even more useful?Copy !req
467. Look up the number for a guy
called The Cleaner.Copy !req
468. Call him and tell him we've got
a Damien Hirst in room 202.Copy !req
469. Ahhhh!Copy !req
470. That was fast.Copy !req
471. L.A.P.D.! Open up!Copy !req
472. Hip!Copy !req
473. Freeze!Copy !req