1. Gentlemen, this is quite possibly
the hottest situation...Copy !req
2. most of you will ever be involved with.Copy !req
3. If any of you have any fears about death,
any second thoughts about that...Copy !req
4. beautiful new wife of yours
screwing every guy you hate...Copy !req
5. because you left her a widow,
now is your chance to leave.Copy !req
6. Take off those sunglasses.Copy !req
7. Get out of here.Copy !req
8. Anybody else?Copy !req
9. Mr. Five?Copy !req
10. See to it that Mr. Eleven
never gets to that gate alive.Copy !req
11. This is Agent Samson.Copy !req
12. You will know him and refer to him
only as team leader.Copy !req
13. His whim is your command.Copy !req
14. If he tells you to put on a dress and dance,
I better see those money-makers shaking.Copy !req
15. - Am I understood?
- Yes, sir!Copy !req
16. These grounds have been split up
into ten separate zones.Copy !req
17. Each zone will be defended by two agents.Copy !req
18. In the event of an agent's termination...Copy !req
19. the neighboring zone
will absorb the weaker one.Copy !req
20. I don't like the sound of
"an agent's termination."Copy !req
21. I just hope he doesn't ask us
to put on a dress and dance.Copy !req
22. Mr. Twelve?Copy !req
23. Is there something you would like
to share with all of us...Copy !req
24. or is this a tea party with Mr. Seven?Copy !req
25. It is a tea party, sir!Copy !req
26. Would you two little ladies
like to put on an attractive sundress...Copy !req
27. - or perhaps a tube top for this party?
- No, sir!Copy !req
28. Team leader, would you like to see them
in pretty pink dresses?Copy !req
29. No. I don't want to see them in a dress.Copy !req
30. Very well.
You boys have team leader to thank.Copy !req
31. If we had it my way,
the whole lot of you would be in skirts.Copy !req
32. Now, knock it off and listen up.Copy !req
33. It's their nerves.Copy !req
34. These are good men.Copy !req
35. Your sidearms are to be
your last line of defense.Copy !req
36. Civilian casualties will not be tolerated.Copy !req
37. Now, let's all cross our fingers...Copy !req
38. and we just might see another sunrise.Copy !req
39. All right, gentlemen, go ahead.Copy !req
40. Aye, aye, sir!Copy !req
41. Here's where you are wrong, my friend.Copy !req
42. This woman has killed before.Copy !req
43. Allegedly.Copy !req
44. OK, whatever.Copy !req
45. But she was a big girl.Copy !req
46. We are talking about
a large, healthy woman...Copy !req
47. of questionable stability.Copy !req
48. Oh, you are totally underestimating...Copy !req
49. the never-say-die scrappiness
of a survivor.Copy !req
50. Hey, guess what?
Nobody cares who would win...Copy !req
51. in a crazy fantasy fistfight
between Anne Frank and Lizzie Borden.Copy !req
52. We never should have
brought the henchmen.Copy !req
53. We're gonna be the only ones there
with henchmen.Copy !req
54. I'm gonna have to kill them.Copy !req
55. Pull over if you see a good place
to dump their bodies.Copy !req
56. I can't take this.Copy !req
57. Do you want me to turn around?
Because I will.Copy !req
58. You were the one that wanted to—Copy !req
59. No, no, this tag sale
is clearly going to be the event.Copy !req
60. The Monarch is not going to miss this.
No way.Copy !req
61. We are not going to make a thing
out of this.Copy !req
62. I don't want to upset the henchmen.Copy !req
63. Hey, Dean...Copy !req
64. I found your doll.Copy !req
65. That's an action figure.Copy !req
66. No, this is your old dolly.Copy !req
67. Give it! She's mine!Copy !req
68. Try was yours.
Dad put a price tag on it.Copy !req
69. Well, it's not his to sell.Copy !req
70. This is my Princess of Camelot doll...Copy !req
71. because... because...
I should get the money...Copy !req
72. and stuff.Copy !req
73. Cool.Copy !req
74. I was wondering where this went.Copy !req
75. Breaker, breaker, one-nine.Copy !req
76. This here's the rubber duck.Copy !req
77. You got a copy on me?
Come on.Copy !req
78. If Dad's gonna sell our junk...Copy !req
79. we've gotta find our own way
to get a slice of that fat money cake.Copy !req
80. Aw, wicked!Copy !req
81. Check it!Copy !req
82. I got it!
And I'm gonna need your help.Copy !req
83. Follow me.Copy !req
84. Brock, you have to learn how to relax.Copy !req
85. This has a lock on it.
We'll be fine.Copy !req
86. I just think that with
all your advertising—Copy !req
87. Who even opens those Valpaks anyway?Copy !req
88. You have some dangerous
machinery for sale here.Copy !req
89. I think you're begging for trouble
on this one.Copy !req
90. I thought you handled all that.Copy !req
91. And I don't hear any big ideas from you
on how to get some quick cash. Come on!Copy !req
92. Most of this stuff is
old crap my dad left behind.Copy !req
93. Doc, you have a table over there
with a sign that says...Copy !req
94. "Laser death ray bargain bin"!Copy !req
95. Well, that's why you have
your little ska band there...Copy !req
96. to keep the oddballs in costumes
from raising Cain.Copy !req
97. Everyone is here.Copy !req
98. It's quite a turnout.Copy !req
99. Look over there.
It's the Bearded Specter.Copy !req
100. Oh, my God, look what he's got on!Copy !req
101. Are those giant shorts or tiny pants?Copy !req
102. Who still wears those?Copy !req
103. Sweetie, isn't that the guy
from Depeche Mode?Copy !req
104. Oh, no way! Where?
Holy crap, he's with a girl.Copy !req
105. Oh, yeah, that guy is totally straight.Copy !req
106. I saw a whole thing about him on the VH1.Copy !req
107. But he's the guy from Depeche Mode.
It's impossible.Copy !req
108. - Straight.
- Come on!Copy !req
109. He's in Depeche Mode!Copy !req
110. Billy, check out that honey-pot over there.Copy !req
111. That's the kind of archenemy we need.Copy !req
112. That's Dr. Girlfriend.Copy !req
113. She kicks with that wash-up who thinks
it's cool to wear butterfly wings.Copy !req
114. You know, the what's-his-name?Copy !req
115. Oh, right.
The Monarch. Sure.Copy !req
116. Wait, that's Dr. Girlfriend?Copy !req
117. People say she's kind of...
you know... manly.Copy !req
118. Totally. And I heard
from a reliable source...Copy !req
119. that she has a surgically implanted
baboon's uterus.Copy !req
120. Can they even do that?Copy !req
121. Your naiveté is alarming.Copy !req
122. I have personally grafted a pony's face...Copy !req
123. onto the abdomen
of a well-known celebrity.Copy !req
124. Is it someone I've heard of?Copy !req
125. I do not kiss and tell.Copy !req
126. Name?Copy !req
127. - You know damn well—
- Name?Copy !req
128. Baron Underbheit.Copy !req
129. All persons associated
with the Guild of Calamitous Intent...Copy !req
130. recognize that by virtue of
their presence at an event—Copy !req
131. I am well aware of the 1967
Charter of Casual Contact.Copy !req
132. Und come now—Copy !req
133. Why would little old me
want to start any trouble?Copy !req
134. Spare me the sweet talk and sign here.Copy !req
135. Place all metallic, explosive,
or magical objects in the tray.Copy !req
136. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to ask you to...Copy !req
137. All right.Copy !req
138. Is there a screen or something
I can go behind?Copy !req
139. Don't push your luck.Copy !req
140. That image is never
going to leave my mind.Copy !req
141. I'm gonna throw up.Copy !req
142. Uh, I swear to you, I can taste it.Copy !req
143. It is all watery under
my tongue right now.Copy !req
144. He's a total freak.Copy !req
145. I mean, part of me admires his dedication
to looking all menacing...Copy !req
146. but that is just gross.Copy !req
147. So, it's just the weed whacker then?Copy !req
148. Do you have amnesia?Copy !req
149. I loaned this utilitarian object
to you a month ago!Copy !req
150. I purchased this weed whacker...Copy !req
151. for the singular design
of grooming my lawn!Copy !req
152. All right, keep it!
Just take it down a notch.Copy !req
153. Sorry, I just...Copy !req
154. You said you would return it.Copy !req
155. I get like that.Copy !req
156. You need a hand here?Copy !req
157. I'm a people person.Copy !req
158. I could assist you vending your sundries.Copy !req
159. Why, I would make a whiz-bang salesman!Copy !req
160. Fine, you deal with the creepy guys
dressed like special creepy guys.Copy !req
161. - And none of that "step right up" crap.
- OK.Copy !req
162. All right, you two.Copy !req
163. You have my list and the money.Copy !req
164. Now I want you back waiting
by the Monarch-mobile by 6:00.Copy !req
165. - I will tolerate no dawdling!
- OK, boss.Copy !req
166. You can count on us,
and we are not gonna screw this up.Copy !req
167. Ah, thanks for putting that in my head.Copy !req
168. That's extra reassuring.Copy !req
169. Put your mind at ease.Copy !req
170. Your two best men are on the job.Copy !req
171. Oh, I'm sure.
And, Twenty-One?Copy !req
172. Yeah?Copy !req
173. Your barn door is open.Copy !req
174. Ah, henchmen.Copy !req
175. You seem to be in good spirits.Copy !req
176. Right. It's weird.Copy !req
177. I was totally convinced that
Brock Samson was just gonna—Copy !req
178. Oh, my God! Right?Copy !req
179. But he was a big, blond pussycat.Copy !req
180. I have not been this relaxed since...Copy !req
181. - Since when?
- Since...Copy !req
182. Whenever. I don't know.Copy !req
183. Oh, would you look at that?Copy !req
184. It's just tacky.Copy !req
185. A cash bar.Copy !req
186. How typical.Copy !req
187. Employee Dean,
isn't that your make-believe girlfriend?Copy !req
188. - Oh, crap! Where?
- The hat stays on!Copy !req
189. You are representing Hankco, son.Copy !req
190. Show some pride.Copy !req
191. - Knock it off.
- All right.Copy !req
192. Union says you get a ten-minute break,
and I can't risk another strike.Copy !req
193. H.E.L.P.eR.!Copy !req
194. You're on counter.
Look alive!Copy !req
195. There he goes.Copy !req
196. Looks like our little Dean is growing up.Copy !req
197. I'm OK!Copy !req
198. My shoelace was untied.Copy !req
199. I'm not ashamed to say it, H.E.L.P.eR...Copy !req
200. I'm proud of him.Copy !req
201. I'm flattered, boys.Copy !req
202. But I'm with the Monarch now.Copy !req
203. And, you know, he's been
arching Dr. Venture—Copy !req
204. Venture! That guy peaked too early.Copy !req
205. He's been a joke since he was sixteen.Copy !req
206. - Sweetie, do we need potholders?
- I better go.Copy !req
207. You both seem very interesting,
and I'm sure some day...Copy !req
208. you will make some lucky villain
very happy.Copy !req
209. Did I mention that Billy here
is a severe hydrocephalic?Copy !req
210. I was born with way too much
cerebrospinal fluid—Copy !req
211. which may account for my tremendous I.Q.Copy !req
212. My mother calls me her little water baby.Copy !req
213. I'm an albino.Copy !req
214. Yeah, you can kill him with light!Copy !req
215. You could call yourself
the Deadly Flame...Copy !req
216. or Hot Pants.Copy !req
217. Hey, Triana.Copy !req
218. What are you doing here?Copy !req
219. I live right over there.Copy !req
220. And, you know... yard sale.Copy !req
221. Did you find anything to get?Copy !req
222. Oh, I found some kitschy junk.Copy !req
223. You have to see these!Copy !req
224. Look at these things!Copy !req
225. Giant grandma thunder pants!Copy !req
226. Don't they rule?Copy !req
227. I have a cramp—from running into you.Copy !req
228. Isn't that weird?Copy !req
229. You know, you and I both here...Copy !req
230. What are the chances?Copy !req
231. I really want to sit down.Copy !req
232. Man, you're a mess.Copy !req
233. We should get you some lemonade.Copy !req
234. No.Copy !req
235. Not lemonade.Copy !req
236. And your change.Copy !req
237. Now let me just bag this for you.Copy !req
238. Stop showing off.Copy !req
239. OK, there you are.Copy !req
240. And I hope you enjoy your purchase.Copy !req
241. You are one lucky duck!Copy !req
242. Oh, it must be dreamy
to have a costumed nemesis...Copy !req
243. chasing you...Copy !req
244. wringing his gloved hands
in concern of your every move!Copy !req
245. - You're kidding, right?
- It just seemed so romantic.Copy !req
246. Oh, sure, it looks all
glamorous from the outside...Copy !req
247. but really it's a huge pain in the ass.Copy !req
248. They send robots into your lab,
break everything...Copy !req
249. and does my insurance policy
cover archenemies? No.Copy !req
250. I'm jealous. There, I said it.Copy !req
251. If you want one so bad, take one of mine.Copy !req
252. We've been lucky here, but that
doesn't mean it's not gonna happen.Copy !req
253. I want security to move—Copy !req
254. My contacts!
You knocked out my contact lenses.Copy !req
255. I want security to move
on all possible civilian targets.Copy !req
256. Mr. Twenty will join you at the...Copy !req
257. - Well?
- No way.Copy !req
258. Come on, I did it!
You have to pay up.Copy !req
259. I said, "And he helps you look for them."Copy !req
260. You so owe me five bucks!Copy !req
261. Let's move the Monarch-mobile
to the other side of the lot.Copy !req
262. It will totally screw
with the henchmen's heads!Copy !req
263. I've never seen this side of you.Copy !req
264. Oh, wow.
That hoagie went right through me.Copy !req
265. I need to make a deposit at the bank...
so to speak.Copy !req
266. You dick!Copy !req
267. Dr. Orpheus did this!Copy !req
268. To exact proper retribution, you can
find me at this address. Nights only.Copy !req
269. What? What did I do?Copy !req
270. When the sun sleeps,
the wolves begin to howl.Copy !req
271. So?Copy !req
272. What the hell is going on here?Copy !req
273. Did somebody put a sign
on my back or something?Copy !req
274. Let's see.Copy !req
275. That's the "7 and the Ragged Tiger" t-shirt,
the shrink ray, and the Santa windsock.Copy !req
276. Uh, this runs on two double-A batteries
and superheated phosphates.Copy !req
277. What? Is that a tic-tac in there?Copy !req
278. And you have a picture of a shrink ray gun
on the shrink ray gun.Copy !req
279. That is totally retarded.Copy !req
280. If you had, like, a silhouette of
a giant guy maybe next to a small guy...Copy !req
281. you know, with, uh,
ray gun circles coming out...Copy !req
282. If you don't like the logo, it's a decal.Copy !req
283. You can scrape it off.Copy !req
284. Now, do you want it, or are you just gonna
skip on over to the Shrink Ray Hut...Copy !req
285. and pick up a cheaper one?Copy !req
286. Your sarcasm, although a laugh riot,
is not making this choice any easier.Copy !req
287. If you're not gonna get it, I will.
I'll let you borrow it.Copy !req
288. No way. You're a total Indian giver.Copy !req
289. Come on, just loan me, like, fifty grand.Copy !req
290. All right, you two, you snooze, you lose!Copy !req
291. Nobody gets the shrink ray now.Copy !req
292. Nice.Copy !req
293. Oh, this is unholy.Copy !req
294. I can actually see the stench in here.Copy !req
295. Hello, Doctor.Copy !req
296. Well, if it's not Phantom Limb.Copy !req
297. In the flesh... what there is of it.Copy !req
298. So, I heard you set the butterfly free.Copy !req
299. I just looked in the hole.
It's horrible!Copy !req
300. Who told you that?Copy !req
301. A little bird told me,
but don't blame Tiny Eagle.Copy !req
302. We all saw this coming.Copy !req
303. Well, it's a complete lie.Copy !req
304. I could not be happier.Copy !req
305. This isn't happening in here.Copy !req
306. It's like two inches higher
than the one at the cocoon.Copy !req
307. It's throwing me all out of whack.Copy !req
308. We all know the good doctor...Copy !req
309. could turn the world of
professional villainy upside down...Copy !req
310. if she would just try it
on her own and drop—Copy !req
311. Look, I've got a good thing going on here.Copy !req
312. I'm not the same person
you used to know.Copy !req
313. OK, Pookums,
that sound you heard was nothing,Copy !req
314. But some of the pressure
has been released.Copy !req
315. You know, I'm between
hating scientists now.Copy !req
316. I could number two for you
till you get on your feet.Copy !req
317. All right, why don't you be
a good little whatever-the-hell-you-are...Copy !req
318. and run along?
This is not a good time.Copy !req
319. Wasn't that Phantom Limb?Copy !req
320. Didn't you work with him
or live near him or something?Copy !req
321. I've never met him before.
He's an ass.Copy !req
322. - How'd it go in there?
- Oh, not well.Copy !req
323. It was all sound and fury
signifying nothing.Copy !req
324. We have to find a real toilet!Copy !req
325. What was that?Copy !req
326. I just sold him a slice of the grinder.Copy !req
327. And what's he gonna
wash it down with?Copy !req
328. That was the perfect opportunity
to push the lemonade!Copy !req
329. Do you know what this is?Copy !req
330. This is profit.Copy !req
331. And do you know what that is?Copy !req
332. A huge grinder?Copy !req
333. A big hero?Copy !req
334. No, that is there
to make people spend $2.00...Copy !req
335. on a nickel's worth of sugar water.Copy !req
336. Oh, I'm going in the back
to count receipts.Copy !req
337. Triana, take over for Dean.Copy !req
338. Here's your hat.Copy !req
339. And I'm gonna need your W-2
by the end of your shift.Copy !req
340. I'm not wearing this.Copy !req
341. Create a diversion, and I'll rush in.Copy !req
342. Just go in the woods.Copy !req
343. Fine. What do I do?Copy !req
344. Come on, this place
is a who's who of villainy...Copy !req
345. shopping for destroyer rays.Copy !req
346. It's a powder keg.Copy !req
347. Improvise!Copy !req
348. I sure would like this in khaki.Copy !req
349. Never mind, I've got it.Copy !req
350. Hey, cool!Copy !req
351. Girlie mags.Copy !req
352. No way!Copy !req
353. It's "Buffy's" own Sarah Michelle Gellar!Copy !req
354. Dick!Copy !req
355. Bravo unit, this is team leader,Copy !req
356. C-C-C breach at Tip-Top Torpedoes
and the Dollar Grab Bag Pavilion.Copy !req
357. Copy that, team leader.Copy !req
358. We have a similar situation
over at Bargain Atomic Appliances.Copy !req
359. There. Was that hard?
Come on.Copy !req
360. I need backup over here!
One of these nancy-boy creeps...Copy !req
361. thought it would be funny
to test the merchandise.Copy !req
362. You're all my witnesses!
Secret agent brutality!Copy !req
363. Officer, I would like to press charges.Copy !req
364. You can't spend all
of the boss's money on that.Copy !req
365. He'll kill us!Copy !req
366. Dude, have you gone insane?Copy !req
367. We have to get this.Copy !req
368. I'm gonna cry.Copy !req
369. I have been dreaming of this
since I was three.Copy !req
370. - I'm telling you...
- Dude, look at this, please.Copy !req
371. Oh, you like that, huh?Copy !req
372. It's a prototype.
Couldn't sell 'em.Copy !req
373. Yeah, Kenner wasn't interested in a toy
that cost over two mill in parts alone...Copy !req
374. and the army told me
they don't sword fight anymore.Copy !req
375. I'll take it, and I don't need a bag.Copy !req
376. I'm gonna wear this home.Copy !req
377. My friend, bedlam has broken out athwart
the kingdom of Venture!Copy !req
378. Join me in battle!Copy !req
379. Oh, crap, Brock is never gonna let me
hear the end of this.Copy !req
380. Back to back, neighbor!Copy !req
381. We shall fight them as a team!Copy !req
382. I'm not going
"back to back" with anybody.Copy !req
383. I'm going inside.Copy !req
384. Very well!
Secure the homestead!Copy !req
385. Your family must come first!Copy !req
386. Honestly, what kind of jackass
would leave every door unlocked?Copy !req
387. I'm not gonna flush.Copy !req
388. Let them see the wrath of the Monarch!Copy !req
389. This is totally freaky.Copy !req
390. I'm in my archenemy's bedroom.Copy !req
391. We really should do something...Copy !req
392. sinister?Copy !req
393. I don't know. Like what?Copy !req
394. Want to do it on his bed?Copy !req
395. You know... make him sleep
in our genetic filth?Copy !req
396. Yeah, me neither.Copy !req
397. Oh, this isn't working.Copy !req
398. I'm not feeling it.Copy !req
399. Yeah, hey—why don't we find his lab
and, uh, I don't know, break something...Copy !req
400. All right.Copy !req
401. This is ridiculous.Copy !req
402. You're gonna get us all killed!Copy !req
403. I quit.Copy !req
404. We are not going anywhere!Copy !req
405. When I chose this neighborhood...Copy !req
406. to open my first Hankco's
Lemonade and Grinder World...Copy !req
407. I knew the consequences.Copy !req
408. All right, that's it, I am out of here.Copy !req
409. When these riots are over,
we are going to rebuild!Copy !req
410. As God as my witness,
I will not let my people down—Copy !req
411. I am Dr. Orpheus!Copy !req
412. That was delivered by Dr. Orpheus!Copy !req
413. If any of you colorful rogues...Copy !req
414. would like to take revenge out on me
on a full-time basis...Copy !req
415. my schedule is open!Copy !req
416. You totally blew it out there.Copy !req
417. You are so right.Copy !req
418. I should have rescued her, or at least—Copy !req
419. Or at least not run away crying.Copy !req
420. She'll be fine, boys.Copy !req
421. Her father's out there destroying my lawn
with his magic.Copy !req
422. He wouldn't let anything happen to her.Copy !req
423. Hey, Pop, did you leave
the door to your lab open?Copy !req
424. Brock Samson.Copy !req
425. At last we meet.Copy !req
426. No, my young Padawan learner.Copy !req
427. This one is mine.Copy !req
428. Do I know you?Copy !req
429. I've been gypped!Copy !req
430. - Boo!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
431. He's gonna so pop me!Copy !req
432. Brock, come in, Brock.Copy !req
433. - Yeah?
- There's someone in the lab.Copy !req
434. - Who?
- I'm not going in there!Copy !req
435. I'm sending a team over now.Copy !req
436. Oh, my God, look at this place.Copy !req
437. It's like a museum of failure.Copy !req
438. It's almost depressing.Copy !req
439. Here I am in the belly of the beast,
and I don't even care.Copy !req
440. I don't even feel like
taking a whiz on this.Copy !req
441. I used to dream of taking a whiz on this!Copy !req
442. So, I guess we're not gonna...Copy !req
443. What can I do to this guy
that life hasn't already?Copy !req
444. I almost feel sorry for him.Copy !req
445. A lot has changed.Copy !req
446. I was meaning to talk
to you about things... and us...Copy !req
447. Oh, no, you don't!Copy !req
448. Take it easy!Copy !req
449. Get down, honeybunch!Copy !req
450. No one gets the drop on the Monarch!Copy !req
451. With every fiber of my
being, I stab at thee!Copy !req
452. As long as blood flows
through this heart...Copy !req
453. I will hunt you down.Copy !req
454. I will be the stuff of
your children's nightmares!Copy !req
455. What's he doing now?Copy !req
456. He's making his dramatic exit.Copy !req
457. This could take all night.
I'm gonna get Brock.Copy !req
458. Oh, I think he's almost done.Copy !req
459. And then when nothing can be heard
but your cries of agony...Copy !req
460. I will pull the chain
and let the beast devour you!Copy !req
461. Mark my words!Copy !req
462. I will have my revenge, Dr. Venture!Copy !req
463. There.Copy !req
464. All right, they're finishing up.Copy !req
465. Let's go home.Copy !req
466. That's good soup!Copy !req