1. - 911?
- Please, Rocky is killing people!
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2. - It's Rocky!
- Sir, calm down.
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3. Now, where are you?
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4. It's a big movie theater on Main.
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5. Oh, my God, Rocky has a knife!
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6. You're watching "Rocky"?
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7. - Rocky what? "Rocky 4" with Ivan Drago?
- Horror!
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8. Another baffling mystery successfully
solved by the best family in the universe.
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9. Whatever, keep it moving.
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10. These shoes are wreaking havoc
on my heel spurs.
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11. I just can't believe
the Phantom of the Cineplex...
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12. was Old Man Johnson all along.
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13. What I can't figure out is why he did it.
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14. Apparently to screw your father out of
yet another commission—
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15. because you don't need a $100,000
spectral analytical ectoplasmic locator...
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16. to catch a jackass in a rubber mask!
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17. Doc, you OK?
What the hell is that?
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18. It's nothing, Brock.
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19. Probably a hernia—I've had it forever.
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20. It'll pop back in in a few hours,
always does.
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21. Oh, Doc, what the f...
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22. Get back on the X-1.
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23. We're taking you to a hospital, stat!
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24. Brock, will you stop worrying
for once and—
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25. This is serious.
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26. You can say that again.
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27. Dad's becoming a real fatty.
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28. No, Hank!
I think Pop is... pregnant!
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29. Medic!
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30. What's this?
Another one?
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31. Were you guys at
"The Rocky Horror Show"?
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32. Yeah. Could you please help him?
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33. Orderly.
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34. Put him in O.R. three.
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35. The O.R. is all full, Doctor,
and they just keep coming!
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36. The Cineplex just called.
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37. They found a few more
in the projection booth!
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38. OK.
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39. You'll have to put him in Maternity.
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40. Maternity?
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41. You weren't kidding, Deano.
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42. Pop really is having a baby.
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43. I think I need a cigarette.
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44. I'm sorry, sir, medical personnel only
beyond this point.
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45. I'm staying with him.
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46. I go where he goes.
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47. You must be his partner then.
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48. Not really, it's more like I work for him.
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49. Wait a minute! No!
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50. Look, you two, I'm dying in here.
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51. Have you heard anything
from Dr. Girlfriend?
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52. We've been calling her every hour,
and we keep getting her machine.
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53. Did you try the cellular phone?
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54. Yeah, we followed your
instructions to the letter.
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55. It's just that—
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56. Have you destroyed
the giant cocoon headquarters?
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57. Not yet.
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58. Have you sent the charred remains
of Wonderboy...
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59. to his beloved Captain Sunshine?
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60. - Yes.
- Rewound and returned...
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61. the director's cut of "Working Girl"?
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62. We tried, but—
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63. Unleashed the herpes-smeared sexbots
upon the traitorous members of the Guild?
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64. - Yep.
- Filled Phantom Limb's garage...
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65. with clingy, static-charged
Styrofoam packing peanuts?
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66. No.
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67. Sent apology letters to each
of my sponsored Ugandan foster children?
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68. - Check!
- Have you...
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69. killed the Venture brothers?
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70. I don't know.
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71. It might be nice to have
a little brother or sister.
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72. How are we supposed
to go on adventures...
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73. With some little crumb-snatcher
tagging along?
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74. And how's Brock gonna look all cool...
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75. if he has to wear one of those harnesses
on his chest?
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76. Oh, God, it's Rocky!
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77. - No! Not again!
- Well...
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78. Has Pop...
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79. - had it yet?
- Not yet, Dean.
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80. Don't you worry, though.
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81. Your dad's a...
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82. tough little dude.
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83. He's gonna pull through.
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84. Listen, there's no use in you two
hanging around.
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85. I want you to take a taxi
back to the compound.
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86. I called Dr. Orpheus.
He's gonna look after you.
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87. Who wants pizza rolls?
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88. Thanks, Dr. O.
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89. Hey, what's the green stuff?
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90. That's chai tea, Hank.
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91. I've been receiving a steady shipment of it
ever since I saved the emperor...
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92. from an army of clay samurai warriors.
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93. Oh. It's good!
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94. I think it tastes a bit like Play-doh,
but Pumpkin adores it.
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95. Is, uh... she coming home tonight?
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96. Wouldn't you like to know.
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97. She's attending
an electronic music recital.
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98. She will be arriving home near midnight...
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99. I suspect smelling mysteriously of cloves.
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100. Do you know when we can go back home?
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101. Mr. Samson seemed vague about that,
but it could be quite awhile.
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102. So, I suggest that you get comfy.
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103. There is a television
behind the El Greco.
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104. Sadly, the remote has vanished
from the material sphere...
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105. so it's stuck on Animal Planet.
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106. Thanks, Dr. O.
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107. I'm sure we'll be fine.
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108. Good night, you princes of Venture,
you kings of sleepovers.
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109. Well, I have good news.
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110. - Oh, thank—
- And bad news.
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111. You son of a bitch!
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112. OK, fine.
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113. Hit me with it.
Don't soft soap me.
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114. Give it to me straight.
I can take it.
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115. The good news is
the operation was a success.
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116. We were able to remove
the entire tumor...
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117. from your midsection.
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118. See, you big worrywart.
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119. What's the bad news?
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120. I...
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121. Oh, jeez...
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122. This is really hard.
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123. Oh, God.
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124. It's the big "C," isn't it?
You did this to me!
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125. All that secondhand smoke!
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126. You should be the one in this bed, mister!
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127. No, no, no, Dr. Venture.
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128. The tumor was benign.
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129. It's just that...
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130. Well, uh, we cannot find it.
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131. What do you mean you can't find it?
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132. Well, we took it out, and I don't know.
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133. When I finished sewing you up,
I turned around, and it was just gone.
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134. Gone.
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135. Well...
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136. I want a second opinion.
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137. Oh, wait—I'm a doctor!
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138. I can give myself one!
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139. You suck, and I'm leaving.
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140. This is how it's always gonna be.
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141. What do you mean?
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142. Now that Dad has a brand-new baby,
he's not gonna want us hanging around.
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143. I'll bet he just leaves us here.
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144. You're crazy.
Dad would never do that.
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145. Well, I, for one,
ain't gonna stick around to find out.
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146. I'm out of here.
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147. I'm not gonna play second banana fiddle
to some stupid ol' baby!
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148. Well, not me.
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149. I'm staying right here.
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150. I'll be sleeping in a room
right next to Triana.
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151. And then she'll hear, like,
thunder or something...
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152. and she'll run into my room
all scared and stuff.
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153. And I'll be, like, "Hush, my darling.
It's just ionized air molecules expanding."
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154. And she'll be, like, "Oh, hold me."
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155. And then I'll, like—
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156. Dude, if we stay here,
that means that we'll be Dr. Orpheus' kids.
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157. And that means Triana will be your sister.
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158. And that means you two will have
extra-retard babies.
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159. I never thought of that.
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160. All right, I'm with you.
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161. The medical board
will be getting one stern little letter...
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162. from Dr. Thaddeus S. Venture,
I can assure you.
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163. I can have quite the poison pen when I—
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164. - What?
- What?
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165. Hey, buddy,
you didn't happen to see a, uh...
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166. experimental supersonic aircraft, did you?
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167. Oh, you're kidding me!
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168. Silver...
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169. about 100 feet long.
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170. No?
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171. Nuclear engines...
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172. No?
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173. Pumpkin, you're up early...
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174. And you've changed
out of your jam-jams into...
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175. the clothes you wore last night.
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176. How frugal of you.
Did you just get home?
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177. Kim was totally plastered,
and then we were like—
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178. Sweetie, let me love you.
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179. Don't make this hard for us.
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180. Now we have the Venture twins
staying with us...
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181. and they're not in the den.
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182. I sense something is amiss.
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183. Is there something else
you forgot to tell Daddy?
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184. They ran away.
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185. They said they were going to the city
to become famous lion-tamers.
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186. Mr. Venture trusted me
with his offspring.
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187. I have failed him!
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188. For, even now, they could be in peril!
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189. Remember when I ran away?
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190. I just went to Rachel's house.
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191. So try not to embarrass them... for me.
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192. Don't worry, Pumpkin,
it is not my intention to shame them.
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193. I just have to keep them safe.
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194. I will be their shadow—
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195. Nay, their unseen guardian angel!
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196. Pumpkin, get me my cloak.
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197. Why don't you wear the—
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198. All right, fine.
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199. Get me my blue windbreaker!
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200. Dude, look on that mountain!
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201. A haunted mansion.
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202. So what?
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203. A haunted mansion!
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204. Ghosts and evil scientists and stuff.
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205. What? Am I hearing things?
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206. Am I all alone out here?
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207. Didn't you just feel the wind of freedom
ripping through your sweater vest?
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208. Can't you hear the wind calling,
little miss, little miss can't-be-wrong?
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209. We're free.
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210. We are the future.
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211. You're still thinking like the old Dean.
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212. You're right.
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213. Screw that junky old mansion!
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214. Boy, the world better watch out for us...
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215. because we're on the fast road
to now-town!
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216. Haunted castles!
Who needs 'em?
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217. Not me!
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218. Go Team—
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219. - Guys?
- Brothers?
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220. I'll tell you what the problem is...
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221. they just give Ph.D.s out in India.
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222. The medical schools
over there are like Apex Tech...
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223. with bigger bugs.
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224. You should have stayed
at the hospital, Doc.
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225. Just put me on the bed.
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226. And bring up the big TV.
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227. Oh, and can you fluff up the husband?
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228. There you go.
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229. Here's the clicker,
here's H.E.L.P.eR.'s remote.
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230. I'm gonna go downstairs,
make you some soup.
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231. What would I do without you, Brock?
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232. You would have died.
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233. Oh, Brock, don't forget the big TV
when you come back up.
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234. And maybe a couple
of my special aspirins...
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235. and some applesauce,
ginger ale, a couple more blankets...
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236. the "New York Times,"
Britney records...
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237. What the?
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238. Doc, we've got a problem.
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239. I want you to stay put.
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240. There's someone in the compound.
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241. Yeah, what about the big TV?
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242. What'll it be, sugar?
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243. The flask of sugar seems to be filled,
but your concern has been noted.
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244. Now, please stand to the side.
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245. You gonna order anything or not?
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246. I made the purchase of
this Homeboy figurine...
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247. from the vending machines
in your sitting room.
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248. I've had a long day.
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249. You can either order some food or leave.
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250. Fine.
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251. Now, let me see.
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252. No, no.
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253. I will have a tonic.
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254. What kind of tonic?
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255. Moxie.
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256. We don't have that.
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257. Birch beer.
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258. Nope.
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259. The pancakes, please.
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260. And, yes, I know what time it is.
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261. I'll be having them for lunch.
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262. Pretty cool, right?
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263. And you?
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264. And the gentleman will be having
the lamb dinner...
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265. and a side of whatever disco fries are.
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266. Mr. Pibb?
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267. Tell me you have Mr. Pibb.
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268. Grape, orange, or cola?
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269. Grape.
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270. That waitress was totally into me.
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271. She knows a good deal when she sees it.
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272. I might let her kick the tires
of the old Hank machine.
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273. Me, ah!
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274. I got a girl back home.
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275. So you can have her.
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276. Hey. Check that yokel with long hair.
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277. Oh, I think she's cute.
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278. Hello, Rusty.
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279. Daddy?
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280. What are you doing in Mommy's womb?
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281. I came to tell you, son,
there is another Venture.
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282. Why are you talking like Yoda?
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283. This is your dream, Rusty,
you tell me.
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284. Hello, Rusty.
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285. Who the hell are you?
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286. Don't you recognize me, Rusty?
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287. It's been a while, I know.
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288. I get it, you're supposed
to be my father, right?
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289. - I'm still dreaming.
- This is no dream.
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290. Fine—hallucination—whatever.
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291. I must be still woozy from
the painkillers, though.
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292. I got your head all wrong.
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293. Forty-three years ago...
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294. you tried to kill me.
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295. Forty-three years ago I wasn't even—
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296. I'll give you a hint.
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297. We used to share a rather cramped
little one-bedroom...
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298. down on Mommy Street.
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299. Is that my oven?
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300. And that bit there—
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301. That's the capacitator from my robot!
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302. Just what is going on here, mister?
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303. Consider these bits of crap I've stolen...
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304. the first small installments
of what you owe me, Rusty.
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305. That's OK, Rusty,
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306. I've waited this long.
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307. I can wait a few minutes more.
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308. Hey, boy.
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309. Why don't you get a haircut?
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310. You hear me, boy?
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311. Are you deaf,
or are you just a faggot?
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312. May I suggest that you two gentlemen
take your local color elsewhere?
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313. You're drawing undesirable attention
to my presence.
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314. What are you gonna do about it?
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315. You're wearing pantyhose.
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316. - What?
- He is...
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317. 'cause he's a gay-boy.
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318. Consider this your final warning.
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319. You do not know the risk you are taking.
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320. For a whisper from my lips
could open your mind...
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321. to a world of arcane tortures.
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322. Faggot.
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323. Check, please.
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324. Brock, come in, Brock.
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325. Your beloved Brock
won't be saving you this time.
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326. I've already seen to that.
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327. Go ahead, try and hurt me, mister,
because you're not getting in here.
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328. Those walls are solid ste—
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329. Oh, you just don't get it,
do you, Rusty?
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330. You can't escape me.
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331. I know all your tricks.
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332. Do you know that you were doing fifteen
on a sixty-five-mile-per-hour highway?
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333. We did not, officer.
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334. But if you call our father,
he should be able to clear all this up.
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335. Dean!
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336. We don't have a father anymore.
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337. All right, what's going on here?
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338. And what are those?
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339. Hover-bikes.
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340. Where do kids like you get hover-bikes,
selling weed to classmates, huh?
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341. Get 'em hooked early, right?
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342. Nothing like a steady customer.
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343. Which reminds me,
shouldn't you boys be in school right now?
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344. We don't go to school.
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345. We have a bed that
teaches us everything.
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346. Oh, I get it now...
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347. dust head.
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348. Let's get off the floating chopper.
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349. He's not a dusty head.
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350. We really do have beds equipped
with audio-suggestive learning aids.
Copy !req
351. Dabbling in super-science, eh?
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352. All right, you two,
I know just the place for boys like you.
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353. Oh, dear.
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354. Help us!
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355. Who the hell are you?
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356. Who else?
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357. I'm your brother, Rusty.
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358. Your twin brother.
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359. That's impossible. I don't have a—
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360. You sucker-punched me in the womb.
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361. I've been inside you all your life—
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362. watching, listening, planning, waiting.
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363. You jerry-rigged my body.
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364. That's why I have all these blackouts.
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365. I thought it was the pills.
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366. Your body's a mess.
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367. It's become absolutely uninhabitable.
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368. Yeah, well, I don't remember
asking you to live in me.
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369. Wait a minute!
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370. You're why I've been having
all these F-ed up dreams.
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371. You're probably why
I lost my hair, too, aren't you?
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372. You stole my hair!
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373. You're probably wondering
why you're here.
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374. You're here because you done
up too many times!
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375. You think you're hot
in a champagne glass...
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376. but you're really
cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup!
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377. And if you keep up
like you been doing...
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378. this is where you're headed.
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379. That's funny to you, right?
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380. 'Cause you're so bad?
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381. I know your type.
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382. You think I'll just get me a costume,
rip off the neighborhood kids.
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383. Next thing you know,
you've got a jet shaped like a skull...
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384. with lasers on the front.
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385. This is totally gay.
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386. What?
Think this is gay, huh?
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387. Is that what you said,
you scrawny piece of?
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388. Oh, this isn't gay.
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389. But King Gorilla over there is.
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390. And I'll bet he just can't wait to snap off
a piece of your in his.
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391. You! Get up!
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392. I said get the up!
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393. - What's your name?
- Dean Vent—
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394. Your name is bitch!
And I own you.
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395. You're property!
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396. And when I'm tired of having sex...
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397. with every hole God drilled
in your slender frame...
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398. King Gorilla, you got a cigarette?
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399. There.
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400. I just sold you for a cigarette—
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401. And I don't smoke!
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402. Holy!
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403. You're Dean Venture!
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404. King, I gotta buy my bitch back.
Here's your cigarette.
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405. You. Give me a dollar.
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406. H.E.L.P.eR.!
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407. H.E.L.P.eR., listen to me.
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408. Doc's in trouble.
I need you to drive my car.
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409. You can fly the X-1,
but you don't know how to drive stick?
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410. That's great, now punch it.
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411. I'll navigate.
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412. No, H.E.L.P.eR., it's the—
it's the right one and—
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413. it's a pedal!
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414. It's on the floor!
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415. Reverse, H.E.L.P.eR., reverse!
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416. OK, right.
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417. Right, H.E.L.P.eR.
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418. No, my right!
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419. I wish I had a program
like this when I was young...
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420. someone to tell me to knock off
all the evil science.
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421. Man, I was just like you.
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422. Then one day...
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423. a vat of super-heated plasma
blew up in my face...
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424. What the are you boys doing
in the big house?
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425. Well, our dad had a baby,
so we ran away.
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426. And then we got arrested
for not speeding enough.
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427. You shouldn't even be alive.
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428. - Huh?
- I put out a hit on you.
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429. Super-sorry.
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430. But, you know, I'm in
motherprison here.
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431. My life is.
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432. Dr. Girlfriend left me.
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433. Why would you want to kill us?
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434. Because she needs her space!
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435. Like I didn't give her space!
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436. She had the whole cocoon!
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437. Now I'm gonna show you all
what it feels like...
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438. to be a victim of super-villainy.
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439. Give me your shoes.
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440. I said get those
mothershoes off...
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441. and throw them here!
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442. Now, give me your wallet.
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443. There!
How does that feel?
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444. How does what feel?
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445. I just took your wallet!
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446. Still want to be a super-villain?
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447. Well, I do now.
You have my wallet.
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448. Stand back, or so help me,
I'll blast you to kingdom come!
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449. Please.
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450. You couldn't blast me to
kingdom three-feet-from-here...
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451. with that thing.
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452. But this, on the other hand,
will incinerate you where you stand.
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453. Nice try, junior, but I
know you're bluffing.
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454. I never got that stupid thing to work.
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455. You, no. But I did.
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456. You see, I was meant to be the son
of the late, great Jonas Venture.
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457. I'm superior to you in every way.
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458. Every way?
Check the mirror.
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459. You look like a talking fist
sticking out of an oven.
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460. You stole my life from me.
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461. Well, guess what, Rusty...
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462. I'm taking yours,
and I'm claiming my birthright.
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463. The Venture empire is mine!
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464. I'm in for murder!
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465. You boys don't want to end up in here.
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466. This place is full of animals.
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467. I don't mean King Gorilla, Hank.
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468. I mean, this place will chew you up
and spit you out.
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469. No, I'm not talking
about Mecha Mouth, Hank.
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470. Oh, this was a big mistake.
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471. - A, right!
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472. This is all wrong.
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473. You boys are the
Venture brothers!
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474. You've had your little adventure,
go the hell home.
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475. that!
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476. Hank Venture, what is wrong with you?
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477. You're changing into
an extra-bad person.
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478. Do you even know how many baby angels
you just killed by saying that?
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479. Oh, my glory!
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480. You're right!
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481. What's happening to us?
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482. We searched for freedom,
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483. And it landed us in jail.
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484. I bet Dad's worried sick.
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485. And Brock—he loves you, Hank,
I just know it.
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486. Oh, this is just gay.
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487. Look, I gotta get back to yelling
at regular kids, all right?
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488. Brock! Wait!
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489. Don't!
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490. He tried to kill you, Doc.
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491. I know, but...
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492. He's my... brother.
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493. You're in shock, Doc.
Let me handle this.
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494. Brock, seriously.
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495. Samson, I'm giving you an order.
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496. You're my bodyguard, right?
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497. Well, he came out of my body.
Copy !req
498. So, you'd be violating your primary—
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499. Yeah, yeah, I get it, Doc.
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500. Looks like botched attempted fratricide
runs in the family.
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501. So, does this mean we're even now?
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502. Oh, not by a long shot, Rusty.
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503. I think you owe me something
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504. for forty-three years of hell.
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505. Fine. Whatever. I'll give you the old
Venture compound on Spider-Skull Island.
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506. Just, please,
stop calling me Rusty.
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507. I haven't been called that
since I was out of college.
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508. Wait a minute.
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509. What do I call you?
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510. Jonas.
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511. Jonas Venture, Junior.
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512. Hello!
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513. My apologies, Dr. Venture.
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514. I'm loathe to intrude
while you're entertaining...
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515. guests...
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516. but there's a matter that needs
your urgent attention.
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517. What is...
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518. That's Doc's deformed twin brother
he absorbed in the womb...
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519. who's come back for revenge,
but now they've made up, so...
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520. Fine, take the busted up chifforobe.
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521. That's fair.
And you can have the X-2.
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522. The boat? What do I need the boat for?
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523. OK, take it easy.
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524. What else do you want?
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525. Do you want Dean?
You can have Dean.
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526. He can carry you on his back
like Masterblaster.
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527. What's with the low-speed chase?
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528. Come now, Mr. Venture...
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529. I think your boys have suffered
enough embarrassment...
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530. what with being bailed out of prison
by the rumble-bumble likes of us.
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531. I figure letting the boys drive ahead
might return an ounce...
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532. of their well-earned independence.
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533. For the folly of youth has—
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534. Fine!
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535. I can't believe we
have a new baby uncle!
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536. Every Christmas,
he's probably gonna give us...
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537. a Jovan Musk gift pack.
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538. And we'll have to pretend he's not
all creepy-looking.
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539. Oh, I'll bet we're gonna
have to kiss him!
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540. Right? Dude, did you shake his hand?
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541. It was like shaking hands
with a chicken dinner.
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542. That's all of them but
"kill the Venture brothers."
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543. So, if you see a place
we can get ammo for this, pull over.
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544. I think the Monarch
meant that metaphorically.
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545. What have you got here?
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546. That's a Homeboy.
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547. But be careful.
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548. That houses the souls
of two foul-mouthed rednecks!
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549. Oh, my hair's in my goggles again.
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550. I can't see squat!
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551. I'm so sick of you complaining.
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552. That's it, next salon we see,
you're getting a trim.
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553. I'm growing a ponytail.
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554. Hold on.
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555. I'm gonna ask those kids
on the mini bikes up there.
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556. Where can we get a haircut?
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557. And ammo for this?
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558. Hey, you're on the stick shift!
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559. I can't see the road!
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560. Two angels are plucked
from the heavenly sky
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561. In an instant they're gone
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562. In the blink of an eye
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563. If you listen close you'll hear
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564. Cherubs cry
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565. Oh
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566. Look away...
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567. No!
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568. All right, get their clothes.
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