1. I commend thy soul
to God the Father Almighty...Copy !req
2. and thy body to the ground...Copy !req
3. earth to earth, ashes to ashes,
and dust to dust...Copy !req
4. Damn it. We're late already.
Is my tie on straight?Copy !req
5. Yeah.Copy !req
6. You really can't miss with a clip-on.Copy !req
7. We never should have stopped.Copy !req
8. Why is it every time
I need to get somewhere...Copy !req
9. We get waylaid by
jackassery? Pants!Copy !req
10. But it was a good thing we did, Pop.Copy !req
11. The ant people needed our help.Copy !req
12. Help, schmelp.Copy !req
13. The big reward they promised us...Copy !req
14. was nothing but
an old, licked-up Jolly Rancher.Copy !req
15. But they did give us the key
to their enchanted underground city.Copy !req
16. And Brock made special
friends with their queen.Copy !req
17. You can't put a price on that.Copy !req
18. My point exactly.Copy !req
19. You trying paying the electric bill with—Copy !req
20. Who shall change our vile body...Copy !req
21. that it may be like unto
his glorious, eternal super-body—Copy !req
22. Holy!Copy !req
23. Heh. Sorry.Copy !req
24. Um, Sorayama funeral?Copy !req
25. Oh, great.
Thanks a bunch.Copy !req
26. No harm done.
We didn't miss it.Copy !req
27. We are gathered to bid farewell
to our beloved Michael Sorayama...Copy !req
28. whom the Great Shepard,
in His ultimate, unknowable wisdom...Copy !req
29. has called back to His heavenly flock.Copy !req
30. Funerals are creepy.Copy !req
31. What's the big deal?
You see dead guys all the time.Copy !req
32. When?Copy !req
33. Dude, just last week
Brock killed two dervishes...Copy !req
34. with a pillowcase full of Cokes
right in our bedroom!Copy !req
35. He just knocked them out.Copy !req
36. Go sing yourself
another lullaby, baby Dean.Copy !req
37. The police took them away
in body bags.Copy !req
38. Sleeping bags!
Those were sleeping bags!Copy !req
39. Hey, Pop,
are we related to this guy?Copy !req
40. I mean, am I supposed
to be all sad and stuff?Copy !req
41. No, Hank. He's someone
your father knows from college.Copy !req
42. Wow.Copy !req
43. Is that back when you had hair?Copy !req
44. Yes, I had hair then, Dean.Copy !req
45. Some say... too much.Copy !req
46. No, I haven't cut it yet.Copy !req
47. I'm growing it out.Copy !req
48. The kids wear it long these days.
Where have you been?Copy !req
49. Let's just not fight about it, Rusty.Copy !req
50. We wouldn't be fighting
if you quit riding me about my 'do!Copy !req
51. And it's "T.S.", now.Copy !req
52. Nobody calls me Rusty anymore.Copy !req
53. You going to give me
a hard time about that now, too?Copy !req
54. Not so long as I can still call you "son."Copy !req
55. Whatever turns you on, man.Copy !req
56. Oh, um, H.E.L.P.eR. says hello.Copy !req
57. Shall I put him on?Copy !req
58. No! Look, Dad, I got to go.Copy !req
59. How does my father always
know when I'm in my room?Copy !req
60. Hey, do you think
I could talk to him, T.S.?Copy !req
61. 'Cause I'm thinking of switching
my major to robotics...Copy !req
62. and I'd love to pick his brain.Copy !req
63. Yeah, he doesn't really
know that much about robots.Copy !req
64. They're a fad anyway, Mike.Copy !req
65. You'd be better off majoring in Betamax
for all the good a robotics degree...Copy !req
66. is going to do you in a couple of years.Copy !req
67. I don't know,
"Blade Runner" was just so cool!Copy !req
68. What's this? Chem I?Copy !req
69. Thought you did
A.P. for that in high school.Copy !req
70. Yeah.Copy !req
71. No, it's not—Copy !req
72. I'm just—Copy !req
73. I'm tutoring Leslie Cohen.Copy !req
74. Tutoring?
You're doing her homework.Copy !req
75. That's 'cause he's got
a tiny Chiney chubby for her.Copy !req
76. Hey, fellas.Copy !req
77. You were there, too, Mr. White?Copy !req
78. Oh, yeah. I was the DJ for the college
radio station and everything.Copy !req
79. What's a tiny Chiney chubby?Copy !req
80. So you and Pop and this dead guy
were all, like, roommates?Copy !req
81. No, no.
They just hung out in my room a lot.Copy !req
82. My roommate was—Copy !req
83. A freshman!
You believe that?Copy !req
84. That's all I need, some kid tagging along,
all wanting me to show him the ropes.Copy !req
85. It's going to totally harsh
the vibe of Casa de Venture.Copy !req
86. So is he a spaz or what?Copy !req
87. I don't know yet.Copy !req
88. He moved his stuff in
when I wasn't here.Copy !req
89. But dig—his name's Brock Samson.Copy !req
90. Can you imagine?Copy !req
91. Ten bucks says he's a fat kid.Copy !req
92. Wait, you lived with Brock?Copy !req
93. That is so unbelievably cool!Copy !req
94. No wonder you guys
are such super pals!Copy !req
95. Actually, back then
we didn't see much of each other.Copy !req
96. We had very different schedules...Copy !req
97. always coming and going
at different times.Copy !req
98. Tell them who really won
the roommate lottery that year.Copy !req
99. Oh, God.
Don't remind me.Copy !req
100. OK, so the university
sticks me with this exchange student.Copy !req
101. But check it out,
he's like a prince or something.Copy !req
102. His parents sent him a care package
last week for his birthday.Copy !req
103. You know what he got?Copy !req
104. A personal slave.Copy !req
105. The poor guy sleeps in my closet.Copy !req
106. Oh, speak of the dickweed.Copy !req
107. Hey, Verner.Copy !req
108. Baron Underbheit!Copy !req
109. Yeah. You told them?Copy !req
110. No!Copy !req
111. Baron Underbheit is right there!Copy !req
112. Holy crap!Copy !req
113. Brock, kick his butt!Copy !req
114. Relax, boys.Copy !req
115. He's not going to do anything.Copy !req
116. It's hallowed ground.Copy !req
117. So what was he like in the olden days?Copy !req
118. Well, except for the metal jaw,
pretty much the same—Copy !req
119. total dick.Copy !req
120. The tape was on the floor
for a reason, Peter.Copy !req
121. Your things belong
on your side of the room.Copy !req
122. And don't think I haven't noticed...Copy !req
123. that you moved it
to make your area larger.Copy !req
124. If you cannot obey the simplest of rules—Copy !req
125. Yeah, well, you don't
make the rules, fella.Copy !req
126. You might be a big shot
in your own country...Copy !req
127. but around here you're just the kid
with the weirdest-smelling lunch.Copy !req
128. Very well.Copy !req
129. Then you leave me
with no choice but to...Copy !req
130. take this up with the R.A.
at the next floor meeting.Copy !req
131. Come, manservant.Copy !req
132. Who cuts his hair, the Incredible Hulk?Copy !req
133. What, did he walk into
the barbershop and say...Copy !req
134. "What can you do to make me
look more like Pete Rose?"Copy !req
135. Hey, what's wrong with his hair?Copy !req
136. I have, like, the same haircut.Copy !req
137. Yeah, but you're Chinese.Copy !req
138. You people can't be blamed
for what your hair does.Copy !req
139. I'm Japanese, jerk-off...Copy !req
140. But, yeah, that's so true.Copy !req
141. At least I don't have his eyebrows.Copy !req
142. You want to see eyebrows,
come to my creative writing class.Copy !req
143. There's this kid, no joke,
they're out to here.Copy !req
144. And the weirdness doesn't stop there.Copy !req
145. All he writes are these
way-too-specific poems...Copy !req
146. about monarch butterflies.Copy !req
147. Total closet-case!Copy !req
148. OK, this is just getting nuts.Copy !req
149. You are not going to tell me
you went to college with the Monarch, too.Copy !req
150. Where did you guys go,
super crazy, no way school?Copy !req
151. It was Michael's last wish...Copy !req
152. that he be escorted
to his eternal resting place...Copy !req
153. by those who were closest to him in life.Copy !req
154. T.S. Venture, Peter White,
Verner Underbheit, Brock Samson...Copy !req
155. if you would, please.Copy !req
156. Nope.Copy !req
157. Was that supposed to happen?Copy !req
158. Nope.
Sorry, wasn't me.Copy !req
159. I've got something planned
for next week, I think.Copy !req
160. But no.Copy !req
161. So much for that theory.Copy !req
162. Dean, what are you doing?Copy !req
163. I know you miss Dad already...Copy !req
164. but this is no time to go through
the old photo album.Copy !req
165. We need to get busy
and come up with a rescue plan.Copy !req
166. I'm thinking we bust out the hover bikes...Copy !req
167. load them up with, like, hand grenades
and plasma cannons...Copy !req
168. No, Hank, I—Copy !req
169. Hear me out, Dean-o.
You're a smart kid and all...Copy !req
170. but you're not a wartime consigliore.Copy !req
171. Hank, we're not grown up enough
to rescue Dad and Brock by ourselves.Copy !req
172. We need help.Copy !req
173. What about the ant people?
They owe us one.Copy !req
174. I've got a better idea.Copy !req
175. Hello?Copy !req
176. Cool. Told you he's still alive.Copy !req
177. Sir, you don't know me,
but I'm Jonas Venture's grandson.Copy !req
178. Our dad's been kidnapped.Copy !req
179. We think a ghost might have done it.Copy !req
180. Say no more, lads.Copy !req
181. Team Venture is on the case.Copy !req
182. Just you sit tight,
and I'll summon the others.Copy !req
183. Kiki, lay out my traveling suit
and fetch my walking stick.Copy !req
184. A quest is afoot.Copy !req
185. Kano, you stalwart old man-mountain,
we're needed once again.Copy !req
186. Master Rusty's in trouble!Copy !req
187. Salutations.Copy !req
188. Do you have a moment
to talk about the Lord?Copy !req
189. That's OK, kids.Copy !req
190. More room in the Kingdom for us.Copy !req
191. Oh, Rodney, no.Copy !req
192. You're too old.Copy !req
193. You're going to get hurt.Copy !req
194. Aw, for corn's sake, Jeanie,
I got to do this.Copy !req
195. I took an oath.Copy !req
196. Now where are the pads?Copy !req
197. What pads?Copy !req
198. The maxi pads gathering
dust under the sink.Copy !req
199. What the hell pads do you think?Copy !req
200. My action man uniform knee pads.Copy !req
201. Oh, those.Copy !req
202. The ones that go on your uniform?Copy !req
203. And now she gets it.Copy !req
204. What does it look like I'm doing here?Copy !req
205. You did this.Copy !req
206. You did this, didn't you?Copy !req
207. As usual, your detective
skills are impeccable, Samson.Copy !req
208. You've succeeded
in exposing my sinister plan...Copy !req
209. to lock myself in a dungeon
chained to an albino.Copy !req
210. Great. Way to bodyguard.Copy !req
211. Got any more super theories
about who did this to us?Copy !req
212. Oh, hey, guys.Copy !req
213. It's really you!Copy !req
214. I'm so glad you all made it.Copy !req
215. Son of a gun, you really surprised me.Copy !req
216. I didn't think you'd all show up
for my funeral.Copy !req
217. And now I get to return the favor.Copy !req
218. Good day to you.Copy !req
219. Colonel Horace Gentleman,
R.A.F., M.I.-5, et cetera—Copy !req
220. retired.Copy !req
221. We spoke on the watch.Copy !req
222. And may I introduce my counterparts
from the original Team Venture?Copy !req
223. Kano, master of the martial arts.Copy !req
224. How do you do?Copy !req
225. Careful, lad.Copy !req
226. Those hands of his are strong enough
to crush a boulder...Copy !req
227. yet delicate enough to crush a butterfly.Copy !req
228. Otto Aquarius, exiled son of Atlantis.Copy !req
229. Salutations.Copy !req
230. And finally, the Action Man.Copy !req
231. How you doing?Copy !req
232. So enough with the formalities.Copy !req
233. What say we get down to it?Copy !req
234. Eat up, guys.Copy !req
235. This is your last meal.Copy !req
236. I had it brought in special
from the State University dining hall.Copy !req
237. Mike, it's nice to see
you're not dead and all...Copy !req
238. but are you going to tell us...Copy !req
239. why you've got us
chained up in a dungeon?Copy !req
240. Yeah, pally, what the hell?Copy !req
241. Enjoy.Copy !req
242. Thank you, ladies.Copy !req
243. You're welcome, Mike.Copy !req
244. We love you, Mike.Copy !req
245. Aren't my robots beautiful?Copy !req
246. Notice anything familiar about them?Copy !req
247. Yeah, I had that issue
of "Heavy Metal," too.Copy !req
248. Now quit screwing around, Mike.
What's this about?Copy !req
249. They're what this is about, Rusty.Copy !req
250. Look closely at their faces.Copy !req
251. Leslie Cohen?Copy !req
252. Don't they look just like her?Copy !req
253. You made Leslie Cohen robots.Copy !req
254. Jeez.Copy !req
255. Yeah, I think I did a pretty good job.Copy !req
256. Sure, but why would you do that, fella?Copy !req
257. To have sex with, Pete.Copy !req
258. I think that's obvious.Copy !req
259. The man was obsessed
with her in college.Copy !req
260. So? He was obsessed with Coco
from "Fame" the year before.Copy !req
261. Leslie's different!Copy !req
262. I loved her!Copy !req
263. Then why don't you just let us all go,
pick up the phone...Copy !req
264. and call her up like someone
who's not a total freak?Copy !req
265. Because of the restraining order...Copy !req
266. and because I need to make you all pay
for what you did to me.Copy !req
267. What did we do to you?Copy !req
268. Funny you should ask, Verner.Copy !req
269. I have a list, and you're first.Copy !req
270. Ah, there she is,
the queen of the skies in her day.Copy !req
271. A gleaming metal beauty.Copy !req
272. What memories she conjures.Copy !req
273. So, tell us who we're up against, boys.Copy !req
274. Who took your father?Copy !req
275. Was it the Velvet Phantom?
The Invisible Fist?Copy !req
276. The Mesmerist?
Troublemakers Incorporated?Copy !req
277. Look, we don't know who did it.Copy !req
278. And we don't care,
we just want to find Pop and Brock.Copy !req
279. Ah, that part's gravy pie.Copy !req
280. Your granddad implanted
a homing device...Copy !req
281. in one of your father's molars
when he was just a kid.Copy !req
282. Yes, little Rusty had a penchant
for getting himself kidnapped...Copy !req
283. about once a fortnight.Copy !req
284. Why, I remember one time...Copy !req
285. I believe it was during
the case of the Metal Mandingo—Copy !req
286. What's that sound?Copy !req
287. Gas! We're being attacked.Copy !req
288. Simba? Honey?Copy !req
289. - Action!
- Attack!Copy !req
290. Holy crap!Copy !req
291. No, don't!Copy !req
292. No, no!Copy !req
293. Everybody calm down!Copy !req
294. He's just our neighbor.Copy !req
295. Sure, I know what you're thinking,
he looks like a Dracula.Copy !req
296. But honest injun, he's OK.Copy !req
297. I was.Copy !req
298. Wow, Dr. O., I didn't know you could
turn into snakes.Copy !req
299. I can't.Copy !req
300. I'm merely adept
at clouding the minds of men...Copy !req
301. and obfuscating that
which their eyes perceive.Copy !req
302. Really, I was right here the whole time.Copy !req
303. Then these ain't snakes, either.Copy !req
304. Put 'em up.Copy !req
305. Two years, seventeen days.Copy !req
306. - What?
- From a stroke.Copy !req
307. Good day!Copy !req
308. You like it?Copy !req
309. Pure Underlandian sesame.Copy !req
310. Ah, you're right, Underbheit.Copy !req
311. This is some good stuff.Copy !req
312. Hey, that rhymes—Copy !req
313. Right, Underbheit.Copy !req
314. Psyche!Copy !req
315. It's oregano!Copy !req
316. You've been smoking a lie, you tiny fool.Copy !req
317. Come on, Mike, you're not high.Copy !req
318. Give it up.Copy !req
319. Mike?Copy !req
320. Allergic... oregano.Copy !req
321. It wasn't funny.Copy !req
322. I could have died, Verner.Copy !req
323. More importantly,
I had to cancel my study date with Leslie.Copy !req
324. That's it!Copy !req
325. I will tolerate no more of this madness.Copy !req
326. Anyone else like to test my Leslie bots?Copy !req
327. Good.Copy !req
328. On to you, Pete.Copy !req
329. Weird seeing someone else
drive the X-1.Copy !req
330. Relax, lads.Copy !req
331. Despite his racial handicap,
Kano here is a crackerjack pilot.Copy !req
332. Why, he can land her on a puffin...Copy !req
333. or a smurf.Copy !req
334. Hey, how come you're not all old and stuff
like the other guys?Copy !req
335. I am.Copy !req
336. I just age slower
because I'm half-Atlantean.Copy !req
337. Wow. How do I get to be one of those?Copy !req
338. A drunken sailor has to have his way
with your mer-mom, kid.Copy !req
339. You know, if you're interested
in a longer life...Copy !req
340. I have some good news to share with you.Copy !req
341. - Really?
- Great!Copy !req
342. Uh, thanks.Copy !req
343. We're coming up on it.Copy !req
344. Kano, bring her down.Copy !req
345. Hey, what the fu—Copy !req
346. Watch your language, kid.Copy !req
347. - Where is he?
- Ow. Where is who?Copy !req
348. Hey, what are you guys doing?Copy !req
349. All right, punk, what did you do with him?Copy !req
350. Who do you work for?Copy !req
351. Leave the boy be, Rodney.Copy !req
352. That molar has obviously
been here for ages.Copy !req
353. No, Kano.Copy !req
354. I don't think time machines
figure into this caper.Copy !req
355. This is, after all, the same university
young Rusty attended twenty years ago.Copy !req
356. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
357. Jonas made us move his stuff in here.Copy !req
358. Young Rusty most probably
removed his own tooth...Copy !req
359. in a somewhat misguided fit
of youthful rebellion.Copy !req
360. Boys, is there anything you forgot
to tell us about the kidnapping?Copy !req
361. Anything at all that might be helpful?Copy !req
362. It's like we said.Copy !req
363. We went to the funeral for
my dad's college friend...Copy !req
364. Mike Sura—soma—sonar—Copy !req
365. Sorayama?Copy !req
366. Professor Sorayama?Copy !req
367. He didn't die, did he?Copy !req
368. Because if he did, why am I busting my ass
on this term paper?Copy !req
369. Dude, you beefed.Copy !req
370. You're listening to the White Room.Copy !req
371. I'm your host, the ever popular Pete White.Copy !req
372. This next one's a dedication
to Leslie Cohen...Copy !req
373. from her little buddy Mike Sorayama.Copy !req
374. And he writes, "Leslie...Copy !req
375. "I masturbate furiously
to your picture every night.Copy !req
376. "Please notice me.Copy !req
377. "Love, Mike."Copy !req
378. Hey, I got kicked off the air for that.Copy !req
379. Isn't that enough?Copy !req
380. Not by a long shot, Pete.Copy !req
381. Go ahead and laugh
while you can, Rusty.Copy !req
382. You're next on my list.Copy !req
383. Out of everyone,
you betrayed me the most.Copy !req
384. The old fake coffin trick.Copy !req
385. Gadzooks, you think I would have
remembered that one...Copy !req
386. from the Mystery of the Old Fake Coffin.Copy !req
387. Salutations.Copy !req
388. Do you have a moment
to talk about the Lord?Copy !req
389. Now! Action!Copy !req
390. Good work, Otto.Copy !req
391. Go, Team Venture!Copy !req
392. Wow.Copy !req
393. Huh? Now that's how it's done.Copy !req
394. OK, gentlemen, here's the plan.Copy !req
395. OK, my barbarian
swings his +3 battle axe.Copy !req
396. No.Copy !req
397. The Leslie golem's skin is like rock.Copy !req
398. What the hell's a Leslie golem?Copy !req
399. A very powerful creature
that looks just like Leslie Cohen.Copy !req
400. Oh, for Pete—for my sake.Copy !req
401. Looks like Leslie Cohen, huh?Copy !req
402. Well, then my wizard seduces her.Copy !req
403. What? You can't do that.Copy !req
404. Sure I can.Copy !req
405. I have, like, twenty-five charisma points.Copy !req
406. I want to seduce her.Copy !req
407. No, don't! It's Leslie.Copy !req
408. Oh, come on!Copy !req
409. You're going to kill me
because I had fake sex on graph paper...Copy !req
410. with a girl who barely spoke
to you in real life?Copy !req
411. Don't act so innocent, Rusty.Copy !req
412. How do you explain
what happened the next morning?Copy !req
413. - Oh, hey, Mike.
- Leslie?Copy !req
414. Shh. He's sleeping.Copy !req
415. I did no such thing!Copy !req
416. I didn't lose my virginity
till I was twenty-four.Copy !req
417. It must have been Brock.Copy !req
418. Leslie bots, assemble!Copy !req
419. Destroy Brock Samson!Copy !req
420. Oh, this is going to be
a fitting punishment for that big bully.Copy !req
421. You all must secretly
be thanking me for this.Copy !req
422. You were there,
you know what he did...Copy !req
423. the night of our last D&D game.Copy !req
424. Of course, none of us knew at the time...Copy !req
425. he'd been thrown off
the football team that very day...Copy !req
426. for accidentally killing
Tommy the quarterback...Copy !req
427. or that he'd get super drunk
on his way back to the dorm.Copy !req
428. What are you looking at?Copy !req
429. But that still doesn't justify what he did.Copy !req
430. Who the hell—are you?Copy !req
431. I think that's your roommate, Rust.Copy !req
432. Have at you, sir!Copy !req
433. Hey, what are you—
no, no!Copy !req
434. Hey!Copy !req
435. No! Please, I—Copy !req
436. Somebody stop him!Copy !req
437. Hey!Copy !req
438. Finally!Copy !req
439. I got to see this.Copy !req
440. You broke our friends, Brock.Copy !req
441. They were helping us rescue you guys.Copy !req
442. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
443. Medical assistance...Copy !req
444. Bloody hurt.Copy !req
445. Leslie, Leslie...Copy !req
446. So it all comes together.Copy !req
447. He's not just a ghost, he's a ghost robot!Copy !req
448. That explains everything.Copy !req
449. No, Hank.
I think he's just a robot.Copy !req
450. Which means the real
Mike Soranamana...Copy !req
451. is probably hiding somewhere.Copy !req
452. And I think I know where!Copy !req
453. So he really did die.Copy !req
454. So, what, he programmed his robots
to hate us, too?Copy !req
455. I guess.Copy !req
456. Well, that makes about as much sense
as anything else today.Copy !req
457. So, what do you say we get out of here
before he starts to stink, huh?Copy !req
458. Uh... Rust?Copy !req
459. Sorry, man.Copy !req
460. I don't know what came over me.Copy !req
461. Anyway, they cut my scholarship,
so I'm out of here.Copy !req
462. Going to join the army.Copy !req
463. Oh, yeah, someone
from Venture Industries called...Copy !req
464. while you were at the infirmary.Copy !req
465. Your dad died.Copy !req
466. Later.Copy !req
467. That's good soup!Copy !req