1. Well, if it isn't the late
Dr. Thaddeus Venture.Copy !req
2. I'm glad you're still...Copy !req
3. hanging around.Copy !req
4. I wanted to thank you for finding...Copy !req
5. Grover Cleveland's
presidential time machine for me.Copy !req
6. I'll give him your regards.Copy !req
7. Take your time, Monarch.Copy !req
8. 'Cause the minute you finish
your little speech, I'm gonna kill you.Copy !req
9. What are you, Obi-Wan Kenobi?Copy !req
10. Just look at you schmucks!Copy !req
11. I don't think I'm the one in danger here.Copy !req
12. Considering the sad fact
that right below you...Copy !req
13. flows the mighty Amazon...Copy !req
14. teeming with the most
gruesome fish to ever—Copy !req
15. - The piranha!
- No!Copy !req
16. - The shark?
- No!Copy !req
17. - The piranha?
- No!Copy !req
18. And shut up.
This isn't a quiz.Copy !req
19. Now, where was I? Right.Copy !req
20. The dreaded candiru,
a naughty little fish...Copy !req
21. with a penchant for
swimming up a man's urethra...Copy !req
22. to feed on the damaged tissue
of the pitiful mass of flesh...Copy !req
23. you once called your penis!Copy !req
24. That is a total myth!
There is no such fish.Copy !req
25. - Is too!
- No, there isn't!Copy !req
26. - Time-out!
- What?Copy !req
27. Time-out!Copy !req
28. I'm really hurt!Copy !req
29. This isn't freeze tag.
You can't do that!Copy !req
30. I'm serious.
I really feel sick!Copy !req
31. Don't even think about ralphing on me.Copy !req
32. Where are you hurt, boy?Copy !req
33. I don't want to say.Copy !req
34. - Oh, great.
- Dean?Copy !req
35. My no-nos hurt.Copy !req
36. What the hell are no-nos?Copy !req
37. That's the super adult term
my teenage sons use...Copy !req
38. to refer to their genitals...Copy !req
39. in public...Copy !req
40. in front of their father.Copy !req
41. Well, duh! You all should be feeling
the sting in your nethers...Copy !req
42. for in seconds, the dreaded candiru
will seek out the tiny—Copy !req
43. The kid's really hurt. Let him go.Copy !req
44. Why?Copy !req
45. I'm about to kill all of you anyway.Copy !req
46. What's the point, really?Copy !req
47. Because you have to!Copy !req
48. In 1969, the Guild of Calamitous Intent
enacted an addendum to article 47...Copy !req
49. of the Unusual Torture Act.Copy !req
50. So let's cut the monkey business.Copy !req
51. - Go, Dad!
- Yes, go, Dad.Copy !req
52. And what's more,
you arrogant little trouble-maker...Copy !req
53. you have to let us all go.Copy !req
54. How the hell do you know that?Copy !req
55. Check it out for yourself.Copy !req
56. Maybe I will.Copy !req
57. You don't know when to stop
with all this, do you?Copy !req
58. You just keep pushing my buttons!Copy !req
59. You're my arch enemy!Copy !req
60. That's what I do!
That's my thing!Copy !req
61. All right, fine.Copy !req
62. I have a Guild of
Calamitous Intent handbook...Copy !req
63. in my glove compartment.Copy !req
64. I'll be right back.Copy !req
65. Don't go anywhere.Copy !req
66. Well, I think that's settled then.Copy !req
67. We meet back here in two days.Copy !req
68. I keep the big one as collateral.Copy !req
69. But what if Dean dies before then?Copy !req
70. Then I kill this guy.Copy !req
71. The Guild of Calamitous Intent—
which, incidentally, I only joined...Copy !req
72. to get the full-dental
and partial health package—Copy !req
73. has this pretty cut and dry.Copy !req
74. I have to kill him.
Those are my orders.Copy !req
75. I'm not even going with you.Copy !req
76. What do you mean
you're not going with me?Copy !req
77. I'm a bodyguard.Copy !req
78. You have your orders, and I got mine.Copy !req
79. OK, then, guard him!Copy !req
80. No way!Copy !req
81. The addendum to
the Unusual Torture Act...Copy !req
82. is also called Rusty's law.Copy !req
83. They used to call my dad Rusty.Copy !req
84. How do you think your father
knew everything about it?Copy !req
85. Because he's a genius super scientist.Copy !req
86. I like to dream, too, Hank.Copy !req
87. But face it, your grandfather
really did a number on your old man.Copy !req
88. God, what a pro!Copy !req
89. I wish I was old enough
to hate him when he was alive!Copy !req
90. Now, that was an arch enemy!Copy !req
91. I never met my grandfather.Copy !req
92. I never even met my Mom.Copy !req
93. Hank, what would you say
if I told you that your mother...Copy !req
94. - was someone you've met before?
- What?Copy !req
95. And what if I told you that your father
is not your real father?Copy !req
96. Hank!Copy !req
97. I am your real father!Copy !req
98. No way. No way!
That's not true!Copy !req
99. Psyche! Ha, sucker!Copy !req
100. You were all, "Oh, Daddy,
you're my Daddy!"Copy !req
101. You are so gullible.
What is that like?Copy !req
102. Hey, can I have your pudding?Copy !req
103. Um, no. I'm so saving that.Copy !req
104. You really have to hold that
so close to my face?Copy !req
105. I mean, where am I gonna go?Copy !req
106. Yeah, dude, ease up on him.Copy !req
107. It's not like that's loaded or anything.Copy !req
108. Aw, what are you?
Some sort of an imbecile?Copy !req
109. Why would you even do that?Copy !req
110. Did you lift anything heavy?Copy !req
111. I told you, it's not a hernia!Copy !req
112. Were you rough-housing
with your brother?Copy !req
113. No.Copy !req
114. Oh, dear God.Copy !req
115. You two haven't been experimenting
with inappropriate touching?Copy !req
116. No! Gross!Copy !req
117. I know you've been seeing a lot
of that little tramp who lives next door.Copy !req
118. Lord knows what kinds of
diseases that hussy carries.Copy !req
119. It's getting worse!Copy !req
120. Dean, I don't want you hanging around
with Triana Orpheus anymore.Copy !req
121. I don't approve of the way she dresses.Copy !req
122. Girls like that are usually on the dope.Copy !req
123. Dean, have you been
shooting dope into your scrotum?Copy !req
124. You can tell me! I'm hip!Copy !req
125. Dad, why are you doing this?Copy !req
126. I don't know what I did!Copy !req
127. Suddenly it just felt like someone
kicked me in the rocks...Copy !req
128. and they never took their foot away!Copy !req
129. All right, Dean, you're gonna
have to pull down your pants.Copy !req
130. I have to palpate the region.Copy !req
131. Please, Dad, please, please,
please don't feel me up!Copy !req
132. I'm going to palpate, Dean.Copy !req
133. This isn't any fun for me, either.Copy !req
134. Do you want me to get H.E.L.P.eR. to do it?Copy !req
135. Is that better for you?Copy !req
136. A doddering old robot
with cold, steel claws.Copy !req
137. Is that what you want?Copy !req
138. I want a doctor!Copy !req
139. Are you gonna get the phone or what?Copy !req
140. What is wrong with you?Copy !req
141. Why don't you ever flush?Copy !req
142. It's like a bucket full
of payday bars in there.Copy !req
143. Come on, fella,
you're blocking the screen!Copy !req
144. Is it so hard to pull a handle?Copy !req
145. Oh, now, where could
I have heard this before?Copy !req
146. Could it be I read it, like...Copy !req
147. about a thousand times
in those passive/aggressive Post-its...Copy !req
148. you put all over the camper?Copy !req
149. Those aren't passive/aggressive.Copy !req
150. They're informative.Copy !req
151. Are you going to get the phone or not?Copy !req
152. Can't.Copy !req
153. I'm apparently doing a drive-by mission
for the yardies over here.Copy !req
154. Conjectural Technologies.Copy !req
155. Master Billy, boy genius, speaking.Copy !req
156. Billy, you gotta do it.Copy !req
157. How can we make your tomorrow better?Copy !req
158. Well, I—Copy !req
159. I guess it's theoretically possible.Copy !req
160. Billy, if you push the start button...Copy !req
161. - you can see my stats!
- Yeah, uh-huh. Sure.Copy !req
162. I am awesome!Copy !req
163. OK, sure.Copy !req
164. But then there is my rather steep fee.Copy !req
165. OK, then. All right.Copy !req
166. Bye-bye.Copy !req
167. "Bye-bye"?Copy !req
168. Well, he said it first.
It just slipped out.Copy !req
169. Well? Do we have a job?Copy !req
170. Brace yourself.Copy !req
171. That was Dr. Venture.Copy !req
172. Get out!Copy !req
173. I will not.
And there's more.Copy !req
174. It seems that
his son has a mysterious malady...Copy !req
175. and he needs the help of—Copy !req
176. Conjectural Technologies.Copy !req
177. Way to go, Billy.Copy !req
178. Did you tell him that you needed
the aid of a certain computer technician?Copy !req
179. You're in.
Did you ask for some extra cash...Copy !req
180. to refuel the helicopter?Copy !req
181. We don't have a helicopter.Copy !req
182. Venture doesn't know that.Copy !req
183. High five!Copy !req
184. I don't think so.Copy !req
185. Man, this is the coolest book ever.Copy !req
186. There's a guy in here
who guards his headquarters...Copy !req
187. with robot cheetahs!Copy !req
188. Oh, yeah.
The Zoocreeper.Copy !req
189. Oh, hey, am I in there?Copy !req
190. Uh... nope.Copy !req
191. "M" for Monarch.Copy !req
192. Try "T" for "The Monarch!"Copy !req
193. Nothing.
So where are we going?Copy !req
194. Towards the blinking light.Copy !req
195. We fly by radar alone.Copy !req
196. The location of my flying cocoon
is highly secretive.Copy !req
197. Even I don't know its whereabouts.Copy !req
198. It may well be floating over the moon!Copy !req
199. - Really?
- Maybe.Copy !req
200. Or even deep below the earth's crust.Copy !req
201. Hey! It's the Grand Canyon.Copy !req
202. Or it might be in the Grand Canyon,
hovering where everyone can see it.Copy !req
203. Sure. Yeah.
Wouldn't rule that out.Copy !req
204. Plausible.Copy !req
205. Surprise!Copy !req
206. Crap! An ambush!Copy !req
207. My bad. Sorry, everybody.
Sorry. My bad.Copy !req
208. Now, before you tell me what
a jolly good fellow I am...Copy !req
209. there are some people who
I would like you to meet.Copy !req
210. Someone got him Brock Samson?Copy !req
211. Now I feel like a tool.Copy !req
212. What'd you get him?Copy !req
213. I made him coupons for one free washing
of the Monarch-mobile...Copy !req
214. and one free back rub.Copy !req
215. Aren't those your jobs anyway?Copy !req
216. Yeah, but these are coupons.Copy !req
217. All right, now...Copy !req
218. let's see what all this fuss is about.Copy !req
219. Dean, you wanted a doctor,
and Billy is one of the best.Copy !req
220. Now drop those pants, mister.Copy !req
221. Actually, this is more of a job
for a urologist.Copy !req
222. Billy is more of a neurogeneticist.Copy !req
223. Yeah, but this kind of thing
should be a walk in the park.Copy !req
224. A walk through a park
with genitals for trees.Copy !req
225. And hair for grass.Copy !req
226. Oh, I'm sure that put him at ease.Copy !req
227. You two might want to work
on your bedside manner.Copy !req
228. Dr. Girlfriend...Copy !req
229. I'm coming in with some cake,
and a little surprise for you.Copy !req
230. Come in, sweetie!Copy !req
231. I have a little surprise for you, too.Copy !req
232. For he's a sexy good fellowCopy !req
233. Oh, sweet mercy!Copy !req
234. Dr. Girlfriend!Copy !req
235. Won't you come over here
with me for a moment?Copy !req
236. Oh, I guess
the muscular one is all right...Copy !req
237. but the boy is just going too far.Copy !req
238. Can't we just use the puppet again?Copy !req
239. No, no. Sweetie!Copy !req
240. This is Brock Samson and Hank Venture.Copy !req
241. I captured them.Copy !req
242. - Did not!
- Did too!Copy !req
243. I think you better give us
a place to bed down.Copy !req
244. Kid here gets kind of wiggy
if he doesn't get enough sleep.Copy !req
245. Of course.Copy !req
246. I treat my captives as kings.Copy !req
247. You'll be given
the grandest of accommodations.Copy !req
248. It will be a far cry from sleeping
over Dr. Venture's garage...Copy !req
249. like so much Fonzie.Copy !req
250. Hey, you put me in a stinky old jail cell
last time I was here.Copy !req
251. You broke my heart, Hank.Copy !req
252. Come on, there, fella,
you could have a real problem.Copy !req
253. With your lifestyle, who knows?Copy !req
254. Could be an implant or a space virus...Copy !req
255. A parasite.Copy !req
256. Sure. Parasite,
growing larger by the minute.Copy !req
257. It probably wants to eat your brain.Copy !req
258. OK, OK! But I don't want you to look.Copy !req
259. Fine. I'll go behind the screen.Copy !req
260. All right.Copy !req
261. Let's see 'em.Copy !req
262. I don't want to show my junk
to a little boy.Copy !req
263. Oh, come on!Copy !req
264. You said you wouldn't look!Copy !req
265. I'm not looking!Copy !req
266. Billy, 'fess up to the boy.Copy !req
267. He's been pulling that boy genius crap...Copy !req
268. for at least the twenty years
that I've known him.Copy !req
269. Well, nobody's really that impressed...Copy !req
270. with Master Billy Quizboy, adult genius.Copy !req
271. Like a speech impediment
and growth hormone deficiency...Copy !req
272. qualifies you as a boy genius.Copy !req
273. Don't forget the huge head.Copy !req
274. I copped to it.Copy !req
275. Now you guys are just
ganging up on me.Copy !req
276. Could we just do this, please?Copy !req
277. Holy mackerel!Copy !req
278. I am not prepared to rule out
the parasite hypothesis.Copy !req
279. The boss is wicked excited
that you're here to celebrate his birthday.Copy !req
280. What'd you guys get him?Copy !req
281. Well, I have a Razzle in my pocket.Copy !req
282. I could give him that.Copy !req
283. First it's a candy, then it's a gum.Copy !req
284. So that's like two gifts.Copy !req
285. You have no idea
why we're here, do you?Copy !req
286. Big birthday bash, what else?Copy !req
287. Yeah. That's it.Copy !req
288. Well, it doesn't look like
the Monarch needs anything.Copy !req
289. He's got a flying cocoon...Copy !req
290. sharp henchmen
in peak physical condition.Copy !req
291. He's got it all.Copy !req
292. Morning, sleepyheads.Copy !req
293. Heh, wish I had your life,
sleeping all day.Copy !req
294. So, I trust you found
the lodging provided to be agreeable?Copy !req
295. I had to sleep in my clothes.Copy !req
296. Now I feel gross wearing
them two days in a row.Copy !req
297. You're kidding me, right?Copy !req
298. That's the only outfit
I've ever seen you in.Copy !req
299. Well, it doesn't mean I never wash it.Copy !req
300. Fair enough.
Number Twenty-Seven!Copy !req
301. Get the kid a change of clothes.Copy !req
302. How about you?
You OK?Copy !req
303. I didn't sleep in my clothes.Copy !req
304. Twenty-Seven!Copy !req
305. Burn his sheets!Copy !req
306. Gentlemen, welcome to the heart
of the Monarch's lair...Copy !req
307. the living nerve center
of my ominous body.Copy !req
308. This is where it all happens.Copy !req
309. Relax...Copy !req
310. and enjoy the show.Copy !req
311. Are you going past the fridge?Copy !req
312. Can you get me a Fresca?Copy !req
313. Well, what do we usually do?Copy !req
314. You make some "I'm gonna
get Dr. Venture" speech...Copy !req
315. and then, you know.Copy !req
316. Well, we can't do that.Copy !req
317. Man, this is sad.Copy !req
318. Crap, you scared me!Copy !req
319. Don't you have nothing else to do
but harp on Dr. Venture?Copy !req
320. Why haven't you tried
the world domination thing?Copy !req
321. You afraid of the big leagues?Copy !req
322. Please, how stupid do I look to you?Copy !req
323. World domination.Copy !req
324. I'll leave that to the religious nuts
and the Republicans, thank you.Copy !req
325. But I wouldn't be so quick to judge.Copy !req
326. The Monarch has his hands
in many sinister soups.Copy !req
327. It's just an off day.Copy !req
328. I thought my birthdays were lame.Copy !req
329. Well, the good news is
you don't have a parasite.Copy !req
330. The bad news is that
you have a condition...Copy !req
331. known as acute testicular torsion.Copy !req
332. - What does that mean?
- Well, in a nutshell—no pun intended—Copy !req
333. your balls pulled a one-eighty.Copy !req
334. In a way, you're kind of lucky.Copy !req
335. It only happens to one in four thousand.Copy !req
336. It's like you won the
genetic freak lottery.Copy !req
337. I blame myself.Copy !req
338. Oh, there's nothing you could have done.Copy !req
339. I could have fixed this
in the prototype phase.Copy !req
340. Don't be so hard on yourself.Copy !req
341. Raising a son is an experiment
no scientist is prepared for.Copy !req
342. That's beautiful, Billy.Copy !req
343. Thanks. I just came up with that.Copy !req
344. Come on! They have one female
servicing a large group of males.Copy !req
345. That implies a species that lays eggs.Copy !req
346. Oh, my God, you're crazy.Copy !req
347. They are so obviously mammals!Copy !req
348. Please! She'd be in estrus
24/7 if she didn't lay eggs.Copy !req
349. Smurfs don't lay eggs!Copy !req
350. I won't tell you this again.Copy !req
351. Papa Smurf has
a -ing beard.Copy !req
352. They're mammals!Copy !req
353. Well, what happens now?Copy !req
354. We have a couple of options here.Copy !req
355. We can do nothing.
It'll probably keep swelling...Copy !req
356. and let me tell you...Copy !req
357. that beach ball
you're packing down there...Copy !req
358. can't afford that.Copy !req
359. Or I could perform orchiopexy.Copy !req
360. That means he wants
to operate on you...Copy !req
361. and you know, tie it down.Copy !req
362. No way! He's not gonna operate on me!Copy !req
363. Dad, can't you fix this!
Aren't you a doctor?Copy !req
364. Make it go away! Please!Copy !req
365. Take it easy, Dean.Copy !req
366. Well, what happens if we wait?Copy !req
367. That's not so good.Copy !req
368. My guess is that in a couple of hours...Copy !req
369. your son's testes
are going to die, then atrophy.Copy !req
370. Think raisins. Or better yet...Copy !req
371. you know when you're eating peanuts...Copy !req
372. and you crack one open
and the little nut is all dark...Copy !req
373. and crammed into one corner—Copy !req
374. You're finished, right?Copy !req
375. As for untwisting them,
I don't know which way they spun.Copy !req
376. Unless you're that guy from INXS
and that's, like, your thing...Copy !req
377. the pain would be excruciating.Copy !req
378. All right!
Let's just get this over with.Copy !req
379. Nurse, prep the patient
and shave the region.Copy !req
380. Nurse? You said
I was your technician.Copy !req
381. Do you have to shave it?Copy !req
382. I just grew those.Copy !req
383. Distress call from cellblock "C."Copy !req
384. Excellent!
Put it up on the big screen!Copy !req
385. I want the captives to see it.Copy !req
386. Where's the big guy?
He's gonna miss this.Copy !req
387. Boss, there's a monster down here!Copy !req
388. I think it was two ninjas taped together
to make one giant ninja.Copy !req
389. I saw it climb the wall.Copy !req
390. It was a giant spider!Copy !req
391. See? Now we're talking here, huh?Copy !req
392. Giant spider in the cocoon.
Where's Samson?Copy !req
393. I can't believe he's not here to see this.Copy !req
394. All right, what happened?
And one at a time.Copy !req
395. We're standing here talking, right?Copy !req
396. Then suddenly something
cuts number Forty-Three's tendon.Copy !req
397. It was horrible.Copy !req
398. Oh, his calf muscle rolled up
like a window shade!Copy !req
399. He just kept screaming till he passed out.Copy !req
400. Party's over, Monarch.Copy !req
401. It's time I shut down
this little tree fort of yours.Copy !req
402. Brock Samson.Copy !req
403. I had a hunch you were behind this.Copy !req
404. Your arrogance will be your undoing.Copy !req
405. I will get you, Brock Samson!Copy !req
406. Numbers Eighteen, Thirty-Eight,
Forty, and Thirty-One...Copy !req
407. Secure the prison level.Copy !req
408. Engineering, I want
a steady stream of cyanide...Copy !req
409. pumped into the vents
of section one through four.Copy !req
410. Move!Copy !req
411. Oh, and Brock?Copy !req
412. - What?
- Thank you.Copy !req
413. No, please, no! No!Copy !req
414. Release the butterflies!Copy !req
415. OK.Copy !req
416. Whose job was it
to feed the butterflies?Copy !req
417. Way to go, Billy.
Nice job.Copy !req
418. And that knot you tied,
what is that, a sheep shank?Copy !req
419. Yeah, it's my signature.Copy !req
420. It sure makes a statement.Copy !req
421. High five.Copy !req
422. Come on, would you
stop with that? Really.Copy !req
423. Brock is totally wailing on you guys.Copy !req
424. The screen says you just lost another unit.Copy !req
425. Nonsense!
He's in my world now.Copy !req
426. The cocoon's internal defense system
was designed by a genius...Copy !req
427. me!Copy !req
428. We're merely toying with him,
drawing him out.Copy !req
429. Let him take as many pawns as he needs!Copy !req
430. Hey!Copy !req
431. - Hey what?
- Can I try that on?Copy !req
432. It's all pinned to the cowl.Copy !req
433. Kind of a pain in the ass to get back on.Copy !req
434. You scream, I'll break your neck.Copy !req
435. You understand me?Copy !req
436. You're going to take advantage
of me, aren't you?Copy !req
437. Well, be quick with it.Copy !req
438. To be honest with you,
I never really considered that.Copy !req
439. Why not?Copy !req
440. Just didn't.Copy !req
441. Well, I'm not gonna beg.Copy !req
442. What happened to my underwear?Copy !req
443. You can't wear underpants
until we remove the dressing, sweetie.Copy !req
444. What's going on?Copy !req
445. What are all those people doing here?Copy !req
446. I thought you might
need some cheering up!Copy !req
447. I've brought you a Zuni fetish doll
for being such a brave little trooper.Copy !req
448. I do hope you don't
already have one.Copy !req
449. You're good as new,
maybe even better.Copy !req
450. I hooked you up with
the complete package...Copy !req
451. if you know what I mean.Copy !req
452. I don't.Copy !req
453. A warm freezer pop.
How thoughtful.Copy !req
454. I saved these for you.Copy !req
455. I was gonna tape them
in a scrapbook, but here.Copy !req
456. They're your pubic hairs.Copy !req
457. Thanks... I guess.Copy !req
458. Hey, Triana.Copy !req
459. Kiss him.
That would be so cute.Copy !req
460. Aw, sweet.Copy !req
461. So tell me, is this the most
humiliating moment of your life, or what?Copy !req
462. Easily.Copy !req
463. Let the girlfriend go!
It's me you want.Copy !req
464. Give me the boy, Monarch.Copy !req
465. The boy's with me now.Copy !req
466. He has tasted the fruits
of supervillainy...Copy !req
467. and found them sweet.Copy !req
468. - No, I haven't.
- OK, fine!Copy !req
469. Give me the girl
or your precious Hank Venture dies!Copy !req
470. Monarch, we have transmission
from the Venture compound.Copy !req
471. It's your father!
Everybody scramble!Copy !req
472. Uh, act like nothing happened.Copy !req
473. Hold that transmission.Copy !req
474. Get these corpses out of here!Copy !req
475. - Hello. Come in, Monarch.
- Go, go, go!Copy !req
476. This is Dr. Thaddeus Venture.Copy !req
477. What is your status? Over.Copy !req
478. - And who may I say is calling?
- Down, down!Copy !req
479. You know damn well who I am.Copy !req
480. I just said this is
Dr. Thaddeus Venture.Copy !req
481. Now put the Monarch on.Copy !req
482. Yes! This is the Monarch.Copy !req
483. Everything is super great
and normal here.Copy !req
484. - What are you talking about?
- Has your son died yet?Copy !req
485. Or was he faking it?Copy !req
486. No, he had a legitimate
medical condition...Copy !req
487. and that's been solved.Copy !req
488. My testicles spun around.Copy !req
489. Hey, Hank. I had emergency surgery.Copy !req
490. Dean, Daddy's talking now.Copy !req
491. I'm ready to finish this
business with you now...Copy !req
492. so if we—what?
Is that blood all over you?Copy !req
493. What's going on over there?Copy !req
494. Oh, this?
This is... jelly.Copy !req
495. We were just enjoying a gift pack
of assorted jams and preserves.Copy !req
496. Yummy!Copy !req
497. Brock! Hank!Copy !req
498. Everything is fine, Doc.Copy !req
499. - We just had a little—
- Party!Copy !req
500. - We had a birthday party.
- Hey, Pop!Copy !req
501. - Is that true, Hank?
- I guess. Hey, Dean!Copy !req
502. Hank, I had my pubes shaved.Copy !req
503. I'm gonna put them
under my pillow for the tooth fairy!Copy !req
504. Did the doctor see
that creepy dog dork of yours?Copy !req
505. Hank, don't brag to your brother
about your circumcision.Copy !req
506. And what are you wearing?Copy !req
507. It's the Monarch's crown!Copy !req
508. We had a party.Copy !req
509. Look, this is ridiculous.Copy !req
510. I'm taking Dean
back to the Amazon...Copy !req
511. as per our arrangement.Copy !req
512. Over and out!Copy !req
513. Well, if it isn't the late
Dr. Thaddeus Venture...Copy !req
514. blah, blah, blah.Copy !req
515. Come on, get to the end part.Copy !req
516. I can't feel my hands.Copy !req
517. Very well, Dr. Venture.Copy !req
518. I, too, am anxious to see
you severely mangled...Copy !req
519. for below you swims the dreaded candiru,
a naughty little fish...Copy !req
520. with a penchant for
swimming up a man's urethra.Copy !req
521. Come on, just do it.Copy !req
522. Oh, you're real fun.Copy !req
523. Cut the rope!Copy !req
524. And let them feel the sting of the Monarch!Copy !req
525. Time-out!Copy !req
526. Go Team Venture!Copy !req
527. Testicular torsion
isn't just something on TV.Copy !req
528. It's a real problem.Copy !req
529. Testicular torsion occurs only in males
usually under twenty-five years of age.Copy !req
530. If you're experiencing
sharp pains in the scrotum...Copy !req
531. swelling in one or both testes,
or even blood in your semen...Copy !req
532. your genitals are most likely dying.Copy !req
533. That's right, Doc.Copy !req
534. So if you want to keep them,
you need to seek medical attention...Copy !req
535. as soon as you experience pain,
like Hank and Dean here did.Copy !req
536. So don't be a jackass.Copy !req
537. Go see a doctor.Copy !req
538. If you want to keep your testicles healthy,
remember these three words:Copy !req
539. Stop...Copy !req
540. Touch...Copy !req
541. And tell.Copy !req
542. To find out more about testicular torsion,
you can look in special medical books.Copy !req
543. Or on the interweb.Copy !req