1. On the 12th hour
of the first day of October 1989,Copy !req
2. 43 women around the world gave birth.Copy !req
3. This was unusual only in the factCopy !req
4. that none of these women had been pregnant
when the day first began.Copy !req
5. Sir Reginald Hargreeves,
eccentric billionaire and adventurer,Copy !req
6. resolved to locate and adopt
as many of the children as possible.Copy !req
7. Extraordinary!Copy !req
8. How much do you want for it?Copy !req
9. Show me where the safe is,
or your family's dead!Copy !req
10. - Where's the safe?Copy !req
11. Just leave us alone!Copy !req
12. little bit
of rain potentially, later in the week.Copy !req
13. Who is this guy?Copy !req
14. Over here, over here!Copy !req
15. There's our sweetheart, Allison!Copy !req
16. Oh! You're perfect!Copy !req
17. Hey, you, stay strong.Copy !req
18. I believe in you. Okay?Copy !req
19. You, not so much.Copy !req
20. Bye, Klaus.Copy !req
21. We'll see you soon, Klaus.Copy !req
22. Stay sober.
- Mm.Copy !req
23. Incoming transmission.Copy !req
24. Your family is safe now.Copy !req
25. We're going now live to a breaking story.Copy !req
26. One more!
Allison, here!Copy !req
27. Al— Allison, Allison!Copy !req
28. - Allison!
- Allison! Have you heard the news?Copy !req
29. When was the last time
you saw your father?Copy !req
30. Have you heard from your brothers?Copy !req
31. Allison,
will you wear Valentino to the funeral?Copy !req
32. Moments ago,Copy !req
33. police reported the death
of the most eccentricCopy !req
34. and reclusive billionaire.Copy !req
35. Dad...Copy !req
36. Hey, Mom.Copy !req
37. Mom?Copy !req
38. Vanya?Copy !req
39. You're actually here.Copy !req
40. - Hey, Allison.
- Hey, sis.Copy !req
41. Ah. What is she doing here?Copy !req
42. You don't belong here.
Not after what you did.
You're seriously gonna do this today?Copy !req
43. Way to dress for the occasion,
by the way.Copy !req
44. At least I'm wearing black.Copy !req
45. You know what? I— Maybe he's right.Copy !req
46. - And I shouldn't—
Forget about him.Copy !req
47. I'm glad you're here.Copy !req
48. I can save you some time.Copy !req
49. They're all locked.Copy !req
50. No forced entry, no sign of struggle.Copy !req
51. Nothing out of the ordinary.Copy !req
52. Oh, you got big, Luther.Copy !req
53. What's the secret, huh? Protein shakes?Copy !req
54. Low carbs?Copy !req
55. What do you want?Copy !req
56. The autopsy report.Copy !req
57. Ah.Copy !req
58. And you have this why?Copy !req
59. Well, that's because I...
broke into the coroner's office.
And surprise, surprise,
Dad's death was... normal.Copy !req
60. Just a boring, old heart failure.Copy !req
61. Yeah, so?Copy !req
62. So, why are you in here,Copy !req
63. checking all the windows?Copy !req
64. - Were you the first one on the scene?
- Pogo found him.Copy !req
65. Yeah, I talked to Pogo.
He said he couldn't find Dad's monocle.Copy !req
66. And your point being?Copy !req
67. Can you think of a single time you saw
Dad and he wasn't wearing that monocle?Copy !req
68. No. Which means someone took it.Copy !req
69. Which means there's a chance
he wasn't alone when he died.Copy !req
70. There is no mystery here.
Nothing to avenge.Copy !req
71. Nothing to solve, nothing like that.Copy !req
72. It's just a sad old man who kicked itCopy !req
73. in a big, empty house.Copy !req
74. Just like he deserved.Copy !req
75. You should leave.Copy !req
76. Whatever you say, brother.Copy !req
77. Welcome home, Ms. Vanya.Copy !req
78. Pogo.Copy !req
79. Hmm.Copy !req
80. So good to see you.Copy !req
81. Ah, yes, your autobiography.Copy !req
82. Do you know, um...Copy !req
83. Did he ever read it?Copy !req
84. Hmm...Copy !req
85. Not that I'm aware of.Copy !req
86. How long has it been
since Five disappeared?Copy !req
87. It's been 16 years,
four months, and 14 days.Copy !req
88. Your father insisted I keep track.Copy !req
89. You wanna know something stupid?Copy !req
90. I always used to leave the lights on
for him.Copy !req
91. I was scared that he would come back,Copy !req
92. it would be late,
and the house would be darkCopy !req
93. and he wouldn't be able to find us,
so he'd leave again.Copy !req
94. So, every night I'd make a little snackCopy !req
95. and make sure all the lights were on.Copy !req
96. Oh, I remember your snacks.Copy !req
97. I'm pretty sure I stepped
in half those peanut butterCopy !req
98. and marshmallow sandwiches.Copy !req
99. Your father always believedCopy !req
100. that Number Five
was still out there somewhere.Copy !req
101. He never lost hope.Copy !req
102. And look where that got him.Copy !req
103. The children are ready for bed, sir.
They wanted to say goodnight.Copy !req
104. Okay! Time for bed now, kids.
Come along now.Copy !req
105. Come along now.Copy !req
106. Come along now, Allison,
your father's busy.Copy !req
107. He's always busy.Copy !req
108. Where's the cash?Copy !req
109. Klaus? What are you doing in here?Copy !req
110. Oh! Allison!Copy !req
111. Wow, is that you?Copy !req
112. Hey, come here.Copy !req
113. Long time.Copy !req
114. Too long.
Hey, I was hoping to see you, actually,Copy !req
115. because I wanted to get your autograph.Copy !req
116. Add it to my collection!Copy !req
117. - Just out of rehab?
- No, no. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
118. No. I'm done with all that.Copy !req
119. I just came down here to prove to myselfCopy !req
120. that the old man was really gone.Copy !req
121. And he is! He's dead. Yeah!Copy !req
122. You know how I know?
Because if he were alive,Copy !req
123. not one of us would be allowed
to set foot in this room.Copy !req
124. He was always in here,
our whole childhood,Copy !req
125. plotting his next torment, right?Copy !req
126. Remember how he used to look at us?
That scowl?Copy !req
127. Thank Christ he's not our real fatherCopy !req
128. so we couldn't inherit those cold,
dead eyes!Copy !req
129. Number Three!
Get out of his chair.Copy !req
130. Oh, wow, Luther!Copy !req
131. Wow, you really, uh...Copy !req
132. You really filled out over the years, huh?Copy !req
133. Klaus.
- Save the lecture. I was already leaving.Copy !req
134. You guys can talk amongst yourselves.Copy !req
135. - Drop it.
- Ex-squeeze me?Copy !req
136. Do it. Now.Copy !req
137. All right. All right.Copy !req
138. It's just an advance on our inheritance!Copy !req
139. That's all it is.Copy !req
140. No need to get your little panties
in a bunch.Copy !req
141. Ah.Copy !req
142. So, Klaus is still Klaus,
in case you were wondering.Copy !req
143. You know, after all these years,
I find it strangely comforting.Copy !req
144. Did you see Diego?Copy !req
145. - With his stupid outfit?
- Oh, I know.Copy !req
146. Do you think he wears that thing
in the bathroom?Copy !req
147. - Like in the shower?
- Yeah.Copy !req
148. Yes, absolutely!Copy !req
149. I, uh... I wasn't sure you'd come.Copy !req
150. Me neither.Copy !req
151. You look great.Copy !req
152. Thanks.Copy !req
153. Where's Patrick and Claire?Copy !req
154. Patrick filed for divorce
eight months ago.Copy !req
155. Of course you don't know,
you've been gone.Copy !req
156. What about Claire?Copy !req
157. He got custody.Copy !req
158. Shit.Copy !req
159. Well...Copy !req
160. You could always do your, uh,
you know...Copy !req
161. rumor thing.Copy !req
162. Yeah, I don't do that anymore.Copy !req
163. - What happened?
- Same thing that always happens.Copy !req
164. I made a wish, and it came true,
and I couldn't take it back.Copy !req
165. Um...Copy !req
166. - I guess we should get this started.Copy !req
167. So, I figured we could have
a sort of memorial serviceCopy !req
168. in the courtyard at sundown.Copy !req
169. Say a few words,
just at Dad's favorite spot.Copy !req
170. - Dad had a favorite spot?
- You know, under the oak tree.Copy !req
171. We used to sit out there all the time.
None of you ever did that?Copy !req
172. Will there be refreshments?Copy !req
173. Tea? Scones?
Cucumber sandwiches are always a winner.Copy !req
174. What? No. And put that out.
Dad didn't allow smoking in here.Copy !req
175. - Is that my skirt?
- What?Copy !req
176. Oh, yeah, this. I found it in your room.Copy !req
177. It's a little dated, I know,
but it's very breathey on the bits.Copy !req
178. Listen up. Still some important things
that we need to discuss, all right?Copy !req
179. Like what?
- Like the way he died.Copy !req
180. And here we go.Copy !req
181. I don't understand. I thought they said
it was a heart attack.Copy !req
182. Yeah, according to the coroner.Copy !req
183. - Well, wouldn't they know?
- Theoretically.Copy !req
184. Theoretically?Copy !req
185. I'm just saying, at the very least,
something happened.
The last time that I talked to Dad,
he sounded strange.Copy !req
186. Oh, quelle surprise!Copy !req
187. Strange how?Copy !req
188. He sounded on edge.
Told me I should be careful who to trust.Copy !req
189. Luther, he was a paranoid, bitter old manCopy !req
190. who was starting to lose
what was left of his marbles.Copy !req
191. No. He must have known
something was going to happen.Copy !req
192. Look, I know you don't like to do it,Copy !req
193. but I need you to talk to Dad.Copy !req
194. I can't just call Dad in the afterlife
and be like, "Dad, could you just...Copy !req
195. stop playing tennis with Hitler
for a moment and take a quick call?"Copy !req
196. Since when? That's your thing.Copy !req
197. I'm not in the right... frame of mind.
- You're high?
Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
198. I mean, how are you not,
listening to this nonsense?Copy !req
199. Well, sober up, this is important.Copy !req
200. Then there's the issueCopy !req
201. - of the missing monocle.
- Who gives a shit about a stupid monocle?Copy !req
202. Exactly.Copy !req
203. It's worthless.Copy !req
204. So whoever took it,
I think it was personal.Copy !req
205. Someone close to him.
Someone with a grudge.Copy !req
206. - Where are you going with this?
- Oh, isn't it obvious, Klaus?Copy !req
207. He thinks one of us killed Dad.Copy !req
208. You do?Copy !req
209. How could you think that?Copy !req
210. Great job, Luther. Way to lead.Copy !req
211. - That's not what I'm saying.
- You're crazy, man. You're crazy.Copy !req
212. - Crazy.
I've not finished.Copy !req
213. Sorry, I'm just gonna go murder Mom.
Be right back.Copy !req
214. - Be right back.
- That's not what I was saying.Copy !req
215. I didn't—Copy !req
216. Allison. Jeez...Copy !req
217. That went well.Copy !req
218. In five, four, three, two...Copy !req
219. This is Jim Hellerman, reporting live
for Channel 2 NewsCopy !req
220. outside of the Capital West bank
at Main and Sixth.Copy !req
221. A group of heavily armed men
stormed the bank not three hours agoCopy !req
222. and took an unknown number of hostages.Copy !req
223. Now you've put me in a positionCopy !req
224. where I gotta do something
I don't want to do. Hmm?Copy !req
225. Shit!Copy !req
226. Hey, get back with the others.Copy !req
227. I heard a rumor.Copy !req
228. What? What did you say?Copy !req
229. I heard a rumor
that you shot your friend in the foot.Copy !req
230. Hey, dude.Copy !req
231. What the hell?Copy !req
232. We just heard shots
from inside the bank.Copy !req
233. It's uncertain
if any hostages have been harmed in that.Copy !req
234. Up there!Copy !req
235. There's some movement on the roof.
Possibly law enforcement.Copy !req
236. Looks like one of the armed robbers
has been thrown from the bank.Copy !req
237. Guns are for sissies.
Real men throw knives.Copy !req
238. I've been in many hostage situations,
like this,Copy !req
239. and it can escalate very quickly.Copy !req
240. Get back, you freaks.Copy !req
241. Hey, be careful up there, buddy.
- Get back now!Copy !req
242. Wouldn't want you to get hurt.
- Or what?Copy !req
243. - Ooh! That's one badass stapler!Copy !req
244. Although there's been
no activity for a few minutes,Copy !req
245. we're gonna stay live on location
to make sure we don't miss anythingCopy !req
246. in this hostage situation
at the Capital West bank.Copy !req
247. Do we really have to do this?Copy !req
248. Come on, Ben.
There's more guys in the vault.Copy !req
249. I didn't sign up for this.Copy !req
250. Now we see the hostages.
They— They're free.Copy !req
251. They're scared, clearly,
but they do seem to be unharmed.Copy !req
252. Can we go home now?Copy !req
253. People are coming out now.
It's not the armed robbers.Copy !req
254. These are young schoolchildren
in uniforms with masks on.Copy !req
255. Lower your weapon!
Jim Hellerman, Channel 2 News.Copy !req
256. How did you get in the bank?
What happened inside?Copy !req
257. Why can't I go play with the others?Copy !req
258. We've been through this before,
Number Seven.Copy !req
259. I'm afraid there's just nothing special
about you.Copy !req
260. Oh.Copy !req
261. - Our world is changing.Copy !req
262. Has changed.Copy !req
263. There are some among usCopy !req
264. gifted with abilities
far beyond the ordinary.Copy !req
265. I have adopted six such children.Copy !req
266. I give you the inaugural classCopy !req
267. of the Umbrella Academy.Copy !req
268. Mr. Hargreeves!
Mr. Hargreeves. Channel 9 News.Copy !req
269. What happened to their parents?Copy !req
270. They were suitably compensated.Copy !req
271. Are you concerned about the welfare
of the children?Copy !req
272. Of course.Copy !req
273. As I am for the fate of the world.Copy !req
274. Listen up, old man.Copy !req
275. You know, if I was murdered,
and if one of my sons—Copy !req
276. adopted sons— happened to be ableCopy !req
277. to commune with the dead,
I might think about,Copy !req
278. I don't know, I don't know...Copy !req
279. manifesting!Copy !req
280. Do the whole big angry ghost lecture.Copy !req
281. Tell everyone who done it,
and find eternal peace.Copy !req
282. Eternal peace is probably overrated.Copy !req
283. Come on now, Reggie.Copy !req
284. Any time now.Copy !req
285. Please.Copy !req
286. Just need to sober up!Copy !req
287. Clear thoughts.Copy !req
288. Come on! Come on, chop-chop!Copy !req
289. You always were a stubborn bastard!Copy !req
290. I don't know about you,
but I need a drink.Copy !req
291. Oh!Copy !req
292. Oh. Three? Okay!Copy !req
293. Oh! Daddy?Copy !req
294. - Oh.Copy !req
295. What is it?
Don't get too close!Copy !req
296. Yeah, no shit.Copy !req
297. Looks like some sort of temporal anomaly.Copy !req
298. Either that or a miniature black hole.
One of the two.Copy !req
299. - Pretty big difference there, Paul Bunyan.
- Out of the way!Copy !req
300. What are you—Copy !req
301. What is that gonna do?
- I don't know.Copy !req
302. Do you have a better idea?Copy !req
303. Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
304. - Everybody get behind me.
- Yeah, get behind us.Copy !req
305. I vote for running, c'mon!Copy !req
306. Does anyone else seeCopy !req
307. little Number Five, or is that just me?Copy !req
308. Shit.Copy !req
309. What's the date? The exact date.Copy !req
310. The 24th.Copy !req
311. Of what?
- March.Copy !req
312. Good.Copy !req
313. So, are we gonna talk
about what just happened?Copy !req
314. It's been 17 years.Copy !req
315. It's been a lot longer than that.Copy !req
316. I haven't missed that.Copy !req
317. Where'd you go?Copy !req
318. The future. It's shit, by the way.Copy !req
319. Called it.Copy !req
320. I should've listened to the old man.Copy !req
321. You know,
jumping through space is one thing,Copy !req
322. jumping through time
is a toss of the dice.Copy !req
323. Nice dress.Copy !req
324. Oh, well, danke!Copy !req
325. Wait, how did you get back?Copy !req
326. In the end, I had to project
my consciousness forwardCopy !req
327. into a suspended quantum state version
of myselfCopy !req
328. that exists
across every possible instance of time.Copy !req
329. That makes no sense.Copy !req
330. Well, it would if you were smarter.Copy !req
331. - How long were you there?
- Forty-five years. Give or take.Copy !req
332. So what are you saying? That you're 58?Copy !req
333. No, my consciousness is 58.Copy !req
334. Apparently, my body is now 13 again.Copy !req
335. Wait, how does that even work?Copy !req
336. Delores kept saying
the equations were off. Eh.Copy !req
337. Bet she's laughing now.Copy !req
338. Delores?Copy !req
339. Hmm.Copy !req
340. - Guess I missed the funeral.
- How'd you know about that?Copy !req
341. What part of the future
do you not understand?Copy !req
342. Heart failure, huh?Copy !req
343. - Yeah.
- No.Copy !req
344. Hmm.Copy !req
345. Nice to see nothing's changed.Copy !req
346. Uh, that's it? That's all you have to say?Copy !req
347. What else is there to say?
The circle of life.Copy !req
348. Well...Copy !req
349. That was interesting.Copy !req
350. Ah, shit.Copy !req
351. Nice to know Dad didn't forget me.Copy !req
352. Read your book, by the way.Copy !req
353. Found it in a library
that was still standing.Copy !req
354. I thought it was pretty good,
all things considered.Copy !req
355. Yeah, definitely ballsy,Copy !req
356. giving up the family secrets.Copy !req
357. Sure that went over well.Copy !req
358. They hate me.Copy !req
359. Oh, there are worse things
that can happen.Copy !req
360. You mean like what happened to Ben?Copy !req
361. Was it bad?Copy !req
362. Did something happen?Copy !req
363. Dad died. Remember?Copy !req
364. Oh. Yes, of course.Copy !req
365. Is Mom okay?Copy !req
366. Yeah, yeah, she's fine.Copy !req
367. She just needs to rest.
You know, recharge.Copy !req
368. Whenever you're ready, dear boy.Copy !req
369. Probably would have been better
with some wind.Copy !req
370. Does anyone wish to speak?Copy !req
371. Very well.Copy !req
372. In all regards,Copy !req
373. Sir Reginald Hargreeves
made me what I am today.Copy !req
374. For that alone,
I shall forever be in his debt.Copy !req
375. He was my master...Copy !req
376. and my friend,Copy !req
377. and I shall miss him very much.Copy !req
378. He leaves behind a complicated legacy—Copy !req
379. He was a monster.Copy !req
380. He was a bad person and a worse father.Copy !req
381. - The world's better off without him.
- Diego.Copy !req
382. My name is Number Two.Copy !req
383. You know why?Copy !req
384. Because our father couldn't be bothered
to give us actual names.Copy !req
385. He had Mom do it.Copy !req
386. Would anyone like something to eat?Copy !req
387. No, it's okay, Mom.Copy !req
388. Oh, okay.Copy !req
389. Look, you wanna pay your respects?Copy !req
390. Go ahead.Copy !req
391. But at least be honest
about the kind of man he was.Copy !req
392. You should stop talking now.Copy !req
393. You know, you of all people should be
on my side here, Number One.Copy !req
394. I am warning you.Copy !req
395. After everything he did to you?Copy !req
396. He had to ship you a million miles away.Copy !req
397. Diego, stop talking.Copy !req
398. That's how much
he couldn't stand the sight of you!Copy !req
399. Boys, stop this at once!Copy !req
400. Come on, big boy!Copy !req
401. Stop it!Copy !req
402. Hit him! Hit him!Copy !req
403. Get off me!Copy !req
404. We don't have time for this.Copy !req
405. Come here, big boy!Copy !req
406. Oh...Copy !req
407. And there goes Ben's statue.Copy !req
408. - Diego, no!Copy !req
409. You never know when to stop, do you?Copy !req
410. You got enough material
for your sequel yet?Copy !req
411. He was my father, too.Copy !req
412. Mom.Copy !req
413. Let's go inside.Copy !req
414. Come on. Okay? Come on.Copy !req
415. I bet you're loving this. Hmm?Copy !req
416. The team at its best.Copy !req
417. It's just like old times.Copy !req
418. Best funeral ever.Copy !req
419. Nietzsche once said,Copy !req
420. "Man is as a ropeCopy !req
421. stretched between the animal
and the superhuman.Copy !req
422. A rope over an abyss.Copy !req
423. It is a dangerous crossing,Copy !req
424. a dangerous looking-back,
a dangerous trembling and halting."Copy !req
425. As much as you must strive
for individual greatness,Copy !req
426. and strive you must,Copy !req
427. for it won't come to you
of its own accord...Copy !req
428. you must also rememberCopy !req
429. that there is no individual
stronger than the collective.Copy !req
430. That's not fair, Five's cheating!Copy !req
431. He adapted.Copy !req
432. The ties that bind you togetherCopy !req
433. - make you stronger than you are alone.Copy !req
434. They will make you imperviousCopy !req
435. to the pain and hardship
the world will thrust upon you.Copy !req
436. And believe me when I tell you,Copy !req
437. life will be hard.Copy !req
438. It will be painful.Copy !req
439. We can accomplish anythingCopy !req
440. when we accept responsibility together.Copy !req
441. This is what creates trust.Copy !req
442. Together, you will stand
against the reign of evil.Copy !req
443. Don't waste your time.Copy !req
444. Diego's right, I shouldn't have come.Copy !req
445. This is your home and always will be.Copy !req
446. Should I get you a taxi?Copy !req
447. I already called one. But thanks.Copy !req
448. - That's me.
- Uh...Copy !req
449. I hope you knowCopy !req
450. your father loved you very much.Copy !req
451. In his own way.Copy !req
452. Yeah, well, that's kind of the problem,
isn't it?Copy !req
453. Take care of yourself.Copy !req
454. You as well, Miss Vanya.Copy !req
455. Where's Vanya?Copy !req
456. Oh, she's gone.Copy !req
457. - That's unfortunate.
Yeah.Copy !req
458. An entire square block.
Forty-two bedrooms, 19 bathrooms,Copy !req
459. but no, not a single drop of coffee.Copy !req
460. Dad hated caffeine.Copy !req
461. Well, he hated children, too,
and he had plenty of us.Copy !req
462. I'm taking the car.Copy !req
463. Where are you going?Copy !req
464. To get a decent cup of coffee.Copy !req
465. Do you even know how to drive?Copy !req
466. I know how to do everything.Copy !req
467. I feel like we should try and stop him,Copy !req
468. but then again, I also just kinda want
to see what happens.Copy !req
469. All right, I guess I'll see you guys in,
what, ten years?Copy !req
470. When Pogo dies?Copy !req
471. - Not if you die first.
- Yeah, love you too, sis.Copy !req
472. Good luck on your next film.Copy !req
473. Hope it turns out better
than your marriage, huh?Copy !req
474. - Are— Are we leaving?
- No, I'm leaving, me by myself.Copy !req
475. Oh, fabulous! I'll get my things.Copy !req
476. Hey! Diego.Copy !req
477. You know, every time I close my eyes,Copy !req
478. I see a diarrhetic hippo
about to shit on my face.Copy !req
479. It's terrifying!Copy !req
480. Terrific.Copy !req
481. No! No.Copy !req
482. - Lean back.Copy !req
483. So, what'll it be?Copy !req
484. - Uh, give me a chocolate éclair.
- Mm-hmm. Sure.Copy !req
485. Can I get the kid
a glass of milk or something?Copy !req
486. The kid wants coffee. Black.Copy !req
487. Cute kid.Copy !req
488. Okay.Copy !req
489. Don't remember this place
being such a shithole.Copy !req
490. I used to come here as a kid.Copy !req
491. Used to sneak out with my brothers
and sistersCopy !req
492. and eat doughnuts till we puked.Copy !req
493. Simpler times, huh?Copy !req
494. Eh.Copy !req
495. I suppose.Copy !req
496. Here.Copy !req
497. I got his.
Thanks.Copy !req
498. You must know your way around the city.Copy !req
499. I hope so.
I've been driving it for 20 years.Copy !req
500. Good. I need an address.Copy !req
501. Hmm. That was fast.Copy !req
502. I thought I'd have more time
before they found me.Copy !req
503. Okay.Copy !req
504. So let's all be professional
about this, yeah?Copy !req
505. On your feet and come with us.
They want to talk.Copy !req
506. I've got nothing to say.Copy !req
507. It doesn't have to go this way.Copy !req
508. You think I want to shoot a kid?
Go home with that on my conscience?Copy !req
509. Well, I wouldn't worry about that.Copy !req
510. You won't be going home.Copy !req
511. Hey, assholes!Copy !req
512. Do you ever remember
a single time
that Dad wasn't wearing his monocle?Copy !req
513. Yoo-hoo, Diego!Copy !req
514. I hate to rush you through any kind
of brooding moment you might be having,Copy !req
515. but come on, man, we're starving!Copy !req
516. I'm craving...Copy !req
517. eggs.Copy !req
518. No!Copy !req
519. Wait, it's too late for eggs.Copy !req
520. Waffles. Huh?Copy !req
521. You like waffles, right?Copy !req
522. Ah. Of course you do.Copy !req
523. Everyone likes waffles.Copy !req
524. Gunshots reported on the 400 blockCopy !req
525. of Milton Avenue, Griddy's Doughnuts.Copy !req
526. Diego, thank you for joining us,Copy !req
527. we have decided on, drum roll, waffles.Copy !req
528. I'm gonna drop you off at the bus stop.
I gotta get back to work.Copy !req
529. What, breaking bones and cracking skulls?Copy !req
530. Saving lives, baby.Copy !req
531. Well, I guess it's frozen waffles again.Copy !req
532. Yeah, I could do egg and bacon,Copy !req
533. but I'm trying to cut down
on my pig products.Copy !req
534. Jesus!Copy !req
535. You should have locks on your windows.Copy !req
536. I live on the second floor.Copy !req
537. Rapists can climb.Copy !req
538. You are so weird.Copy !req
539. Is that blood?Copy !req
540. It's nothing.Copy !req
541. Why are you here?Copy !req
542. I've decided
you're the only one I can trust.Copy !req
543. Why me?Copy !req
544. Because you're ordinary.
Because you'll listen.Copy !req
545. Okay.Copy !req
546. When I jumped forward
and got stuck in the future,Copy !req
547. do you know what I found?Copy !req
548. - No.
- Nothing.Copy !req
549. Absolutely nothing.Copy !req
550. As far as I could tell,
I was the last person left alive.Copy !req
551. I never figured out
what killed the human race, but...Copy !req
552. I did find something else.Copy !req
553. The date it happens.Copy !req
554. The world ends in eight days,Copy !req
555. and I have no idea how to stop it.Copy !req
556. I'll put on a pot of coffee.Copy !req