1. On the 12th hour
of the first day of October 1989,Copy !req
2. 43 women around the world gave birth.Copy !req
3. This was unusual only in the factCopy !req
4. that none of these women had been pregnant
when the day first began.Copy !req
5. Sir Reginald Hargreeves,
eccentric billionaire and adventurer,Copy !req
6. resolved to locate and adopt
as many of the children as possible.Copy !req
7. Extraordinary!Copy !req
8. How much do you want for it?Copy !req
9. Show me where the safe is,
or your family's dead!Copy !req
10. - Where's the safe?Copy !req
11. [man 2] Just leave us alone!Copy !req
12. little bit
of rain potentially, later in the week.Copy !req
13. [man 5] Who is this guy?Copy !req
14. Over here, over here!Copy !req
15. There's our sweetheart, Allison!Copy !req
16. Oh! You're perfect!Copy !req
17. Hey, you, stay strong.Copy !req
18. I believe in you. Okay?Copy !req
19. You, not so much.Copy !req
20. Bye, Klaus.Copy !req
21. We'll see you soon, Klaus.Copy !req
22. Stay sober.
- Mm.Copy !req
23. Incoming transmission.Copy !req
24. Your family is safe now.Copy !req
25. We're going now live to a breaking story.Copy !req
26. One more!
- [man 2] Allison, here!Copy !req
27. [man 3] Al— Allison, Allison!Copy !req
28. - Allison!
- Allison! Have you heard the news?Copy !req
29. When was the last time
you saw your father?Copy !req
30. Have you heard from your brothers?Copy !req
31. Allison,
will you wear Valentino to the funeral?Copy !req
32. Moments ago,Copy !req
33. police reported the death
of the most eccentricCopy !req
34. and reclusive billionaire.Copy !req
35. Dad...Copy !req
36. Hey, Mom.Copy !req
37. Mom?Copy !req
38. Vanya?Copy !req
39. You're actually here.Copy !req
40. - Hey, Allison.
- Hey, sis.Copy !req
41. Ah. What is she doing here?Copy !req
42. You don't belong here.
Not after what you did.
You're seriously gonna do this today?Copy !req
43. Way to dress for the occasion,
by the way.Copy !req
44. At least I'm wearing black.Copy !req
45. You know what? I— Maybe he's right.Copy !req
46. - And I shouldn't—
Forget about him.Copy !req
47. I'm glad you're here.Copy !req
48. I can save you some time.Copy !req
49. They're all locked.Copy !req
50. No forced entry, no sign of struggle.Copy !req
51. Nothing out of the ordinary.Copy !req
52. Oh, you got big, Luther.Copy !req
53. What's the secret, huh? Protein shakes?Copy !req
54. Low carbs?Copy !req
55. What do you want?Copy !req
56. The autopsy report.Copy !req
57. Ah.Copy !req
58. And you have this why?Copy !req
59. Just a boring, old heart failure.Copy !req
60. Yeah, so?Copy !req
61. So, why are you in here,Copy !req
62. checking all the windows?Copy !req
63. - Were you the first one on the scene?
- Pogo found him.Copy !req
64. Yeah, I talked to Pogo.
He said he couldn't find Dad's monocle.Copy !req
65. And your point being?Copy !req
66. Can you think of a single time you saw
Dad and he wasn't wearing that monocle?Copy !req
67. No. Which means someone took it.Copy !req
68. Which means there's a chance
he wasn't alone when he died.Copy !req
69. There is no mystery here.
Nothing to avenge.Copy !req
70. Nothing to solve, nothing like that.Copy !req
71. It's just a sad old man who kicked itCopy !req
72. in a big, empty house.Copy !req
73. Just like he deserved.Copy !req
74. You should leave.Copy !req
75. Whatever you say, brother.Copy !req
76. Welcome home, Ms. Vanya.Copy !req
77. Pogo.Copy !req
78. Hmm.Copy !req
79. So good to see you.Copy !req
80. Ah, yes, your autobiography.Copy !req
81. Do you know, um...Copy !req
82. Did he ever read it?Copy !req
83. Hmm...Copy !req
84. Not that I'm aware of.Copy !req
85. How long has it been
since Five disappeared?Copy !req
86. It's been 16 years,
four months, and 14 days.Copy !req
87. Your father insisted I keep track.Copy !req
88. You wanna know something stupid?Copy !req
89. I always used to leave the lights on
for him.Copy !req
90. I was scared that he would come back,Copy !req
91. it would be late,
and the house would be darkCopy !req
92. and he wouldn't be able to find us,
so he'd leave again.Copy !req
93. So, every night I'd make a little snackCopy !req
94. and make sure all the lights were on.Copy !req
95. Oh, I remember your snacks.Copy !req
96. I'm pretty sure I stepped
in half those peanut butterCopy !req
97. and marshmallow sandwiches.Copy !req
98. Your father always believedCopy !req
99. that Number Five
was still out there somewhere.Copy !req
100. He never lost hope.Copy !req
101. And look where that got him.Copy !req
102. The children are ready for bed, sir.
They wanted to say goodnight.Copy !req
103. Okay! Time for bed now, kids.
Come along now.Copy !req
104. Come along now.Copy !req
105. Come along now, Allison,
your father's busy.Copy !req
106. He's always busy.Copy !req
107. Where's the cash?Copy !req
108. Klaus? What are you doing in here?Copy !req
109. Oh! Allison!Copy !req
110. Wow, is that you?Copy !req
111. Hey, come here.Copy !req
112. Long time.Copy !req
113. Too long.
Hey, I was hoping to see you, actually,Copy !req
114. because I wanted to get your autograph.Copy !req
115. Add it to my collection!Copy !req
116. - Just out of rehab?
- No, no. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
117. No. I'm done with all that.Copy !req
118. I just came down here to prove to myselfCopy !req
119. that the old man was really gone.Copy !req
120. And he is! He's dead. Yeah!Copy !req
121. You know how I know?
Because if he were alive,Copy !req
122. not one of us would be allowed
to set foot in this room.Copy !req
123. He was always in here,
our whole childhood,Copy !req
124. plotting his next torment, right?Copy !req
125. Remember how he used to look at us?
That scowl?Copy !req
126. Thank Christ he's not our real fatherCopy !req
127. so we couldn't inherit those cold,
dead eyes!Copy !req
128. Number Three!
Get out of his chair.Copy !req
129. Oh, wow, Luther!Copy !req
130. Wow, you really, uh...Copy !req
131. You really filled out over the years, huh?Copy !req
132. Klaus.
- Save the lecture. I was already leaving.Copy !req
133. You guys can talk amongst yourselves.Copy !req
134. - Drop it.
- Ex-squeeze me?Copy !req
135. Do it. Now.Copy !req
136. All right. All right.Copy !req
137. It's just an advance on our inheritance!Copy !req
138. That's all it is.Copy !req
139. No need to get your little panties
in a bunch.Copy !req
140. Ah.Copy !req
141. So, Klaus is still Klaus,
in case you were wondering.Copy !req
142. You know, after all these years,
I find it strangely comforting.Copy !req
143. Did you see Diego?Copy !req
144. - With his stupid outfit?
- Oh, I know.Copy !req
145. Do you think he wears that thing
in the bathroom?Copy !req
146. - Like in the shower?
- Yeah.Copy !req
147. Yes, absolutely!Copy !req
148. I, uh... I wasn't sure you'd come.Copy !req
149. Me neither.Copy !req
150. You look great.Copy !req
151. Thanks.Copy !req
152. Where's Patrick and Claire?Copy !req
153. Patrick filed for divorce
eight months ago.Copy !req
154. Of course you don't know,
you've been gone.Copy !req
155. What about Claire?Copy !req
156. He got custody.Copy !req
157. Shit.Copy !req
158. Well...Copy !req
159. You could always do your, uh,
you know...Copy !req
160. rumor thing.Copy !req
161. Yeah, I don't do that anymore.Copy !req
162. - What happened?
- Same thing that always happens.Copy !req
163. I made a wish, and it came true,
and I couldn't take it back.Copy !req
164. Um...Copy !req
165. - I guess we should get this started.Copy !req
166. So, I figured we could have
a sort of memorial serviceCopy !req
167. in the courtyard at sundown.Copy !req
168. Say a few words,
just at Dad's favorite spot.Copy !req
169. - Dad had a favorite spot?
- You know, under the oak tree.Copy !req
170. We used to sit out there all the time.
None of you ever did that?Copy !req
171. Will there be refreshments?Copy !req
172. Tea? Scones?
Cucumber sandwiches are always a winner.Copy !req
173. What? No. And put that out.
Dad didn't allow smoking in here.Copy !req
174. - Is that my skirt?
- What?Copy !req
175. Oh, yeah, this. I found it in your room.Copy !req
176. It's a little dated, I know,
but it's very breathey on the bits.Copy !req
177. Listen up. Still some important things
that we need to discuss, all right?Copy !req
178. Like what?
- Like the way he died.Copy !req
179. And here we go.Copy !req
180. I don't understand. I thought they said
it was a heart attack.Copy !req
181. Yeah, according to the coroner.Copy !req
182. - Well, wouldn't they know?
- Theoretically.Copy !req
183. Theoretically?Copy !req
184. Oh, quelle surprise!Copy !req
185. Strange how?Copy !req
186. He sounded on edge.
Told me I should be careful who to trust.Copy !req
187. Luther, he was a paranoid, bitter old manCopy !req
188. who was starting to lose
what was left of his marbles.Copy !req
189. No. He must have known
something was going to happen.Copy !req
190. Look, I know you don't like to do it,Copy !req
191. but I need you to talk to Dad.Copy !req
192. I can't just call Dad in the afterlife
and be like, "Dad, could you just...Copy !req
193. stop playing tennis with Hitler
for a moment and take a quick call?"Copy !req
194. Since when? That's your thing.Copy !req
195. I'm not in the right... frame of mind.
- You're high?
Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
196. I mean, how are you not,
listening to this nonsense?Copy !req
197. Well, sober up, this is important.Copy !req
198. Then there's the issueCopy !req
199. - of the missing monocle.
- Who gives a shit about a stupid monocle?Copy !req
200. Exactly.Copy !req
201. It's worthless.Copy !req
202. So whoever took it,
I think it was personal.Copy !req
203. Someone close to him.
Someone with a grudge.Copy !req
204. - Where are you going with this?
- Oh, isn't it obvious, Klaus?Copy !req
205. He thinks one of us killed Dad.Copy !req
206. You do?Copy !req
207. How could you think that?Copy !req
208. Great job, Luther. Way to lead.Copy !req
209. - That's not what I'm saying.
- You're crazy, man. You're crazy.Copy !req
210. - Crazy.
I've not finished.Copy !req
211. Sorry, I'm just gonna go murder Mom.
Be right back.Copy !req
212. - Be right back.
- That's not what I was saying.Copy !req
213. I didn't—Copy !req
214. Allison. Jeez...Copy !req
215. That went well.Copy !req
216. In five, four, three, two...Copy !req
217. This is Jim Hellerman, reporting live
for Channel 2 NewsCopy !req
218. outside of the Capital West bank
at Main and Sixth.Copy !req
219. A group of heavily armed men
stormed the bank not three hours agoCopy !req
220. and took an unknown number of hostages.Copy !req
221. Now you've put me in a positionCopy !req
222. where I gotta do something
I don't want to do. Hmm?Copy !req
223. Shit!Copy !req
224. Hey, get back with the others.Copy !req
225. I heard a rumor.Copy !req
226. What? What did you say?Copy !req
227. I heard a rumor
that you shot your friend in the foot.Copy !req
228. - [man 3] Hey, dude.Copy !req
229. What the hell?Copy !req
230. We just heard shots
from inside the bank.Copy !req
231. It's uncertain
if any hostages have been harmed in that.Copy !req
232. [man 4] Up there!Copy !req
233. There's some movement on the roof.
Possibly law enforcement.Copy !req
234. Looks like one of the armed robbers
has been thrown from the bank.Copy !req
235. Guns are for sissies.
Real men throw knives.Copy !req
236. I've been in many hostage situations,
like this,Copy !req
237. and it can escalate very quickly.Copy !req
238. Get back, you freaks.Copy !req
239. Hey, be careful up there, buddy.
- Get back now!Copy !req
240. Wouldn't want you to get hurt.
- Or what?Copy !req
241. - Ooh! That's one badass stapler!Copy !req
242. Although there's been
no activity for a few minutes,Copy !req
243. we're gonna stay live on location
to make sure we don't miss anythingCopy !req
244. in this hostage situation
at the Capital West bank.Copy !req
245. Do we really have to do this?Copy !req
246. Come on, Ben.
There's more guys in the vault.Copy !req
247. I didn't sign up for this.Copy !req
248. Now we see the hostages.
They— They're free.Copy !req
249. They're scared, clearly,
but they do seem to be unharmed.Copy !req
250. Can we go home now?Copy !req
251. People are coming out now.
It's not the armed robbers.Copy !req
252. These are young schoolchildren
in uniforms with masks on.Copy !req
253. Lower your weapon!
Jim Hellerman, Channel 2 News.Copy !req
254. - [man 2] How did you get in the bank?
- [man 3] What happened inside?Copy !req
255. Why can't I go play with the others?Copy !req
256. We've been through this before,
Number Seven.Copy !req
257. I'm afraid there's just nothing special
about you.Copy !req
258. Oh.Copy !req
259. - Our world is changing.Copy !req
260. Has changed.Copy !req
261. There are some among usCopy !req
262. gifted with abilities
far beyond the ordinary.Copy !req
263. I have adopted six such children.Copy !req
264. I give you the inaugural classCopy !req
265. of the Umbrella Academy.Copy !req
266. Mr. Hargreeves!
Mr. Hargreeves. Channel 9 News.Copy !req
267. What happened to their parents?Copy !req
268. They were suitably compensated.Copy !req
269. Are you concerned about the welfare
of the children?Copy !req
270. Of course.Copy !req
271. As I am for the fate of the world.Copy !req
272. Listen up, old man.Copy !req
273. You know, if I was murdered,
and if one of my sons—Copy !req
274. adopted sons— happened to be ableCopy !req
275. to commune with the dead,
I might think about,Copy !req
276. I don't know, I don't know...Copy !req
277. manifesting!Copy !req
278. Do the whole big angry ghost lecture.Copy !req
279. Tell everyone who done it,
and find eternal peace.Copy !req
280. Eternal peace is probably overrated.Copy !req
281. Come on now, Reggie.Copy !req
282. Any time now.Copy !req
283. Please.Copy !req
284. Just need to sober up!Copy !req
285. Clear thoughts.Copy !req
286. Come on! Come on, chop-chop!Copy !req
287. You always were a stubborn bastard!Copy !req
288. I don't know about you,
but I need a drink.Copy !req
289. Oh!Copy !req
290. Oh. Three? Okay!Copy !req
291. Oh! Daddy?Copy !req
292. - Oh.Copy !req
293. What is it?
Don't get too close!Copy !req
294. Yeah, no shit.Copy !req
295. Looks like some sort of temporal anomaly.Copy !req
296. Either that or a miniature black hole.
One of the two.Copy !req
297. - Pretty big difference there, Paul Bunyan.
- Out of the way!Copy !req
298. What are you—Copy !req
299. What is that gonna do?
- I don't know.Copy !req
300. Do you have a better idea?Copy !req
301. Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
302. - Everybody get behind me.
- Yeah, get behind us.Copy !req
303. I vote for running, c'mon!Copy !req
304. Does anyone else seeCopy !req
305. little Number Five, or is that just me?Copy !req
306. Shit.Copy !req
307. What's the date? The exact date.Copy !req
308. The 24th.Copy !req
309. Of what?
- March.Copy !req
310. Good.Copy !req
311. So, are we gonna talk
about what just happened?Copy !req
312. It's been 17 years.Copy !req
313. It's been a lot longer than that.Copy !req
314. I haven't missed that.Copy !req
315. Where'd you go?Copy !req
316. The future. It's shit, by the way.Copy !req
317. Called it.Copy !req
318. I should've listened to the old man.Copy !req
319. You know,
jumping through space is one thing,Copy !req
320. jumping through time
is a toss of the dice.Copy !req
321. Nice dress.Copy !req
322. Oh, well, danke!Copy !req
323. Wait, how did you get back?Copy !req
324. In the end, I had to project
my consciousness forwardCopy !req
325. into a suspended quantum state version
of myselfCopy !req
326. that exists
across every possible instance of time.Copy !req
327. That makes no sense.Copy !req
328. Well, it would if you were smarter.Copy !req
329. - How long were you there?
- Forty-five years. Give or take.Copy !req
330. So what are you saying? That you're 58?Copy !req
331. No, my consciousness is 58.Copy !req
332. Apparently, my body is now 13 again.Copy !req
333. Wait, how does that even work?Copy !req
334. Delores kept saying
the equations were off. Eh.Copy !req
335. Bet she's laughing now.Copy !req
336. Delores?Copy !req
337. Hmm.Copy !req
338. - Guess I missed the funeral.
- How'd you know about that?Copy !req
339. What part of the future
do you not understand?Copy !req
340. Heart failure, huh?Copy !req
341. - Yeah.
- No.Copy !req
342. Hmm.Copy !req
343. Nice to see nothing's changed.Copy !req
344. Uh, that's it? That's all you have to say?Copy !req
345. What else is there to say?
The circle of life.Copy !req
346. Well...Copy !req
347. That was interesting.Copy !req
348. Ah, shit.Copy !req
349. Nice to know Dad didn't forget me.Copy !req
350. Read your book, by the way.Copy !req
351. Found it in a library
that was still standing.Copy !req
352. I thought it was pretty good,
all things considered.Copy !req
353. Yeah, definitely ballsy,Copy !req
354. giving up the family secrets.Copy !req
355. Sure that went over well.Copy !req
356. They hate me.Copy !req
357. Oh, there are worse things
that can happen.Copy !req
358. You mean like what happened to Ben?Copy !req
359. Was it bad?Copy !req
360. Did something happen?Copy !req
361. Dad died. Remember?Copy !req
362. Oh. Yes, of course.Copy !req
363. Is Mom okay?Copy !req
364. Yeah, yeah, she's fine.Copy !req
365. She just needs to rest.
You know, recharge.Copy !req
366. Whenever you're ready, dear boy.Copy !req
367. Probably would have been better
with some wind.Copy !req
368. Does anyone wish to speak?Copy !req
369. Very well.Copy !req
370. In all regards,Copy !req
371. Sir Reginald Hargreeves
made me what I am today.Copy !req
372. For that alone,
I shall forever be in his debt.Copy !req
373. He was my master...Copy !req
374. and my friend,Copy !req
375. and I shall miss him very much.Copy !req
376. He leaves behind a complicated legacy—Copy !req
377. He was a monster.Copy !req
378. He was a bad person and a worse father.Copy !req
379. - The world's better off without him.
- Diego.Copy !req
380. My name is Number Two.Copy !req
381. You know why?Copy !req
382. Because our father couldn't be bothered
to give us actual names.Copy !req
383. He had Mom do it.Copy !req
384. Would anyone like something to eat?Copy !req
385. No, it's okay, Mom.Copy !req
386. Oh, okay.Copy !req
387. Look, you wanna pay your respects?Copy !req
388. Go ahead.Copy !req
389. But at least be honest
about the kind of man he was.Copy !req
390. You should stop talking now.Copy !req
391. You know, you of all people should be
on my side here, Number One.Copy !req
392. I am warning you.Copy !req
393. After everything he did to you?Copy !req
394. He had to ship you a million miles away.Copy !req
395. Diego, stop talking.Copy !req
396. That's how much
he couldn't stand the sight of you!Copy !req
397. Boys, stop this at once!Copy !req
398. Come on, big boy!Copy !req
399. Stop it!Copy !req
400. Hit him! Hit him!Copy !req
401. Get off me!Copy !req
402. We don't have time for this.Copy !req
403. Come here, big boy!Copy !req
404. Oh...Copy !req
405. And there goes Ben's statue.Copy !req
406. - Diego, no!Copy !req
407. You never know when to stop, do you?Copy !req
408. You got enough material
for your sequel yet?Copy !req
409. He was my father, too.Copy !req
410. Mom.Copy !req
411. Let's go inside.Copy !req
412. Come on. Okay? Come on.Copy !req
413. I bet you're loving this. Hmm?Copy !req
414. The team at its best.Copy !req
415. It's just like old times.Copy !req
416. Best funeral ever.Copy !req
417. Nietzsche once said,Copy !req
418. "Man is as a ropeCopy !req
419. stretched between the animal
and the superhuman.Copy !req
420. A rope over an abyss.Copy !req
421. It is a dangerous crossing,Copy !req
422. a dangerous looking-back,
a dangerous trembling and halting."Copy !req
423. As much as you must strive
for individual greatness,Copy !req
424. and strive you must,Copy !req
425. for it won't come to you
of its own accord...Copy !req
426. you must also rememberCopy !req
427. that there is no individual
stronger than the collective.Copy !req
428. That's not fair, Five's cheating!Copy !req
429. He adapted.Copy !req
430. The ties that bind you togetherCopy !req
431. - make you stronger than you are alone.Copy !req
432. They will make you imperviousCopy !req
433. to the pain and hardship
the world will thrust upon you.Copy !req
434. And believe me when I tell you,Copy !req
435. life will be hard.Copy !req
436. It will be painful.Copy !req
437. We can accomplish anythingCopy !req
438. when we accept responsibility together.Copy !req
439. This is what creates trust.Copy !req
440. Together, you will stand
against the reign of evil.Copy !req
441. Don't waste your time.Copy !req
442. Diego's right, I shouldn't have come.Copy !req
443. This is your home and always will be.Copy !req
444. Should I get you a taxi?Copy !req
445. I already called one. But thanks.Copy !req
446. - That's me.
- Uh...Copy !req
447. I hope you knowCopy !req
448. your father loved you very much.Copy !req
449. In his own way.Copy !req
450. Yeah, well, that's kind of the problem,
isn't it?Copy !req
451. Take care of yourself.Copy !req
452. You as well, Miss Vanya.Copy !req
453. Where's Vanya?Copy !req
454. Oh, she's gone.Copy !req
455. - That's unfortunate.
Yeah.Copy !req
456. An entire square block.
Forty-two bedrooms, 19 bathrooms,Copy !req
457. but no, not a single drop of coffee.Copy !req
458. Dad hated caffeine.Copy !req
459. Well, he hated children, too,
and he had plenty of us.Copy !req
460. I'm taking the car.Copy !req
461. Where are you going?Copy !req
462. To get a decent cup of coffee.Copy !req
463. Do you even know how to drive?Copy !req
464. I know how to do everything.Copy !req
465. I feel like we should try and stop him,Copy !req
466. but then again, I also just kinda want
to see what happens.Copy !req
467. All right, I guess I'll see you guys in,
what, ten years?Copy !req
468. When Pogo dies?Copy !req
469. - Not if you die first.
- Yeah, love you too, sis.Copy !req
470. Good luck on your next film.Copy !req
471. Hope it turns out better
than your marriage, huh?Copy !req
472. - Are— Are we leaving?
- No, I'm leaving, me by myself.Copy !req
473. Oh, fabulous! I'll get my things.Copy !req
474. Hey! Diego.Copy !req
475. You know, every time I close my eyes,Copy !req
476. I see a diarrhetic hippo
about to shit on my face.Copy !req
477. It's terrifying!Copy !req
478. Terrific.Copy !req
479. No! No.Copy !req
480. - Lean back.Copy !req
481. So, what'll it be?Copy !req
482. - Uh, give me a chocolate éclair.
- Mm-hmm. Sure.Copy !req
483. Can I get the kid
a glass of milk or something?Copy !req
484. The kid wants coffee. Black.Copy !req
485. Cute kid.Copy !req
486. Okay.Copy !req
487. Don't remember this place
being such a shithole.Copy !req
488. I used to come here as a kid.Copy !req
489. Used to sneak out with my brothers
and sistersCopy !req
490. and eat doughnuts till we puked.Copy !req
491. Simpler times, huh?Copy !req
492. Eh.Copy !req
493. I suppose.Copy !req
494. Here.Copy !req
495. I got his.
Thanks.Copy !req
496. You must know your way around the city.Copy !req
497. I hope so.
I've been driving it for 20 years.Copy !req
498. Good. I need an address.Copy !req
499. Hmm. That was fast.Copy !req
500. I thought I'd have more time
before they found me.Copy !req
501. Okay.Copy !req
502. So let's all be professional
about this, yeah?Copy !req
503. On your feet and come with us.
They want to talk.Copy !req
504. I've got nothing to say.Copy !req
505. It doesn't have to go this way.Copy !req
506. You think I want to shoot a kid?
Go home with that on my conscience?Copy !req
507. Well, I wouldn't worry about that.Copy !req
508. You won't be going home.Copy !req
509. Hey, assholes!Copy !req
510. Do you ever remember
a single time
that Dad wasn't wearing his monocle?Copy !req
511. Yoo-hoo, Diego!Copy !req
512. I hate to rush you through any kind
of brooding moment you might be having,Copy !req
513. but come on, man, we're starving!Copy !req
514. I'm craving...Copy !req
515. eggs.Copy !req
516. No!Copy !req
517. Wait, it's too late for eggs.Copy !req
518. Waffles. Huh?Copy !req
519. You like waffles, right?Copy !req
520. Ah. Of course you do.Copy !req
521. Everyone likes waffles.Copy !req
522. Gunshots reported on the 400 blockCopy !req
523. of Milton Avenue, Griddy's Doughnuts.Copy !req
524. Diego, thank you for joining us,Copy !req
525. we have decided on, drum roll, waffles.Copy !req
526. I'm gonna drop you off at the bus stop.
I gotta get back to work.Copy !req
527. What, breaking bones and cracking skulls?Copy !req
528. Saving lives, baby.Copy !req
529. Well, I guess it's frozen waffles again.Copy !req
530. Yeah, I could do egg and bacon,Copy !req
531. but I'm trying to cut down
on my pig products.Copy !req
532. Jesus!Copy !req
533. You should have locks on your windows.Copy !req
534. I live on the second floor.Copy !req
535. Rapists can climb.Copy !req
536. You are so weird.Copy !req
537. Is that blood?Copy !req
538. It's nothing.Copy !req
539. Why are you here?Copy !req
540. I've decided
you're the only one I can trust.Copy !req
541. Why me?Copy !req
542. Because you're ordinary.
Because you'll listen.Copy !req
543. Okay.Copy !req
544. When I jumped forward
and got stuck in the future,Copy !req
545. do you know what I found?Copy !req
546. - No.
- Nothing.Copy !req
547. Absolutely nothing.Copy !req
548. As far as I could tell,
I was the last person left alive.Copy !req
549. I never figured out
what killed the human race, but...Copy !req
550. I did find something else.Copy !req
551. The date it happens.Copy !req
552. The world ends in eight days,Copy !req
553. and I have no idea how to stop it.Copy !req
554. I'll put on a pot of coffee.Copy !req