1. You unlock this door
with the key of imagination.
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2. Beyond it is another dimens/on.
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3. A dimension of sound.
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4. A dimension of sight. A dimension of mind.
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5. You're moving into a land of
both shadow and substance,
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6. of things and ideas.
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7. You've just crossed
over into the twilight zone.
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8. Uncle Simon?
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9. Uncle Simon, do you want
your hot chocolate upstairs?
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10. Uncle Simon, do you hear me?
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11. Do you want your hot chocolate upstairs?
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12. Uncle Simon?
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13. Garbage-head!
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14. I'm right behind you.
There's no need to yell.
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15. Well, my wilting blossom,
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16. what's on your mind?
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17. Your hot chocolate is ready.
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18. You told me you were going to take a nap.
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19. Sometime try extending yourself, uncle,
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20. just sufficiently to let me know
where you are on occasion.
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21. Well, now, Barbara, my love, I
think I can narrow that down for you.
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22. If I'm not upstairs in my
bedroom or in the study,
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23. then I'm downstairs in my laboratory.
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24. In any case, wherever I am,
you can bring the hot chocolate.
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25. And if I'm not,
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26. it means I've dropped dead en route,
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27. and you can bring me a bottle
of formaldehyde and a Rose.
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28. You're such a humorist, uncle.
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29. You should have gone into burlesque.
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30. Well, I dare say I'd have been
more comfortable there than you.
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31. You ever dance, Barbara?
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32. I'm very busy, uncle Simon.
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33. You ever cut loose and
dance a fast Charleston?
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34. No, most unlikely, most unlikely.
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35. You know, you're the only
woman I know who looks
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36. as if underneath her
clothes, she wore clothes.
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37. You have all the grace and
femininity of a high-button shoe.
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38. And you, uncle Simon...
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39. Go on. Let's see if you
can compensate for the fact
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40. that you're a passionless
vegetable by speaking your mind.
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41. If I'ma passionless vegetable,
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42. it's because my
gardener is an ancient relic
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43. made out of dry skin and ice water.
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44. Not bad, not bad, not bad.
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45. You know, if I prod you hard enough,
you can scramble up to the occasion,
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46. or at least part way.
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47. Well, my angular turnip,
what else is new with you?
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48. You say you made some
hot chocolate today, hm?
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49. Any other soul-stirring projects
that you applied yourself to?
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50. I see that you tried to open the
drapes in the bedroom and in the hall.
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51. I see that you closed them.
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52. You asked me what I had
done today, and I'm telling you.
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53. I cleaned up after you.
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54. I tried to clear away some of the
debris you always leave behind.
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55. And what is this contraption, hm?
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56. A room-straightener, perhaps?
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57. Tell me, uncle scientist,
where does this belong?
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58. Put it back where it was.
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59. You've been told a thousand
times not to disturb things.
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60. I could've put it away
when I swept out the cellar,
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61. but as usual, your laboratory
door was securely bolted.
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62. Some day I would like to find out what
it is you putter around with down there.
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63. Yeah, I'll bet you would,
and someday you shall.
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64. Someday you will be
owner of this decaying barn,
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65. and then you can do as you please.
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66. Until then, keep your spindle-shanked
carcass out of my laboratory,
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67. and your long thin probing
nose out of my business.
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68. Now, go and get me some hot chocolate,
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69. and use the English bone China cup.
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70. If it's not hot enough,
I'll throw it on the floor.
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71. Barbara.
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72. Question.
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73. Go on.
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74. Why do you stay here?
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75. I was under the impression
that I was needed.
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76. You are. That explains why I keep you here.
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77. But it doesn't even remotely
suggest why you stay.
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78. You would like me to be
quite honest, I presume?
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79. Indeed. You may be short on beauty,
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80. but a lack of candor has never
been one of your deficiencies.
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81. I stay.
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82. I live for the moment
when I can see you buried.
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83. When I come back from your funeral,
I'm going to open a bottle of wine.
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84. I want to be compensated, uncle Simon,
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85. for 25 years of being shrieked at,
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86. insulted, berated, humiliated
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87. and stepped on like an old rug.
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88. Is that sufficiently honest for you?
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89. Well, I wish you well, my
good and faithful Barbara.
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90. But unasked, I offer you this observation:
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91. If you had an ounce of
gristle or an inch of intestines,
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92. you'd have murdered me years ago.
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93. And as for your 25 years of abject misery
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94. and unspeakable
indignation, you deserve it, kid.
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95. Now go and get me some chocolate.
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96. Mr. Simon polk,
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97. a gentleman who has lived
out his life in a gleeful rage.
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98. And the young lady who's just beat the
hasty retreat is Mr. Polk's niece, Barbara.
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99. She has lived her life as if during each
ensuing hour she had a dentist's appointment.
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100. There's a third member soon to be seen.
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101. He now resides in the laboratory,
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102. and he is the kind of character to
be found only in the twilight zone.
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103. Well... what have we here?
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104. I was looking f-for...
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105. Looking for what?
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106. I... thought perhaps you might
show me what you were building.
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107. Indeed. You'd like to know, wouldn't you?
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108. That's the only character trait
you share with normal curiosity.
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109. Ineffable curiosity.
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110. Well, one day you'll
know what I'm building,
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111. but until then, you night-crawling
imitation of the female gender,
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112. if I catch you sneaking around
outside my door, I'll break your head.
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113. Now, go on upstairs and engage yourself
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114. in a nerve-wracking game of dominoes.
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115. Tell me, uncle Simon,
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116. why do beasts like you stay alive so long?
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117. What's that again?
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118. You heard me. Why do decent men die
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119. and animals like yourself keep living on?
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120. Because in most cases, mine in particular,
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121. we have something to live for.
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122. I have you to live for, you
crooked-seamed grubber.
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123. That's why I keep this
decrepit old heart beating
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124. and these over-the-hill lungs breathing
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125. because I know how deeply
dedicated you are to seeing me die.
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126. Who came here 25 years ago
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127. when you were crippled
and sick and couldn't move?
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128. Who came here and nursed
you and kept you alive?
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129. You did!
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130. You did, you scrounging female ape.
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131. Now, let's get down to
cases. Why did you come?
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132. Was it out of love, Barbara?
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133. Was it out of a palpitating
compassion or a flagpole-stiff loyalty?
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134. I'll tell you why you came.
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135. You stayed on month
after month, year after year,
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136. 'cause every prayer that came
out of your mouth was a supplication
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137. that I'd die before the next morning.
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138. So don't go mouthing
your sweetnesses at me,
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139. you thin-lipped, toothpick-legged conniver.
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140. Everything you did for
me, you did for greed.
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141. Greed!
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142. Greed so big, so thick, so heavy
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143. that it blotted out even
the hatred inside you.
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144. But let me tell you something,
you money-sick crone.
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145. You'll get paid off in due course,
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146. but before that pay off, you'll pay
through every bone in your body.
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147. You'll pay, you ugly harpy, you, you...
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148. Barbara.
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149. Help me.
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150. Barbara.
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151. Why won't you help me?
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152. Why don't you help me, Barbara?
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153. What's that?
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154. What's that, uncle? I
didn't quite hear you.
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155. Speak a little louder, would you?
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156. Tell me what it is that you wanted.
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157. I think my back is broken.
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158. You say you want some hot chocolate?
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159. Do you want it in the
English bone China cup?
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160. What is your pleasure, uncle?
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161. You say you want me to close
the drapes and shut the windows?
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162. Barbara. Barbara!
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163. Barbara?
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164. You want Barbara?
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165. She's right here, love, standing
right above you. Can't you see her?
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166. Can't you hear her, you ancient
albatross with a dirty mouth?
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167. Uncle Simon?
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168. Uncle Simon?
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169. Please,
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170. don't die quite this moment.
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171. If you can hold on,
try, try just for a second.
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172. I want to tell you something.
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173. I want to make an announcement.
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174. As of this second,
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175. as of this very second,
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176. I have quit suffering because of you.
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177. I am no longer sowing, uncle Simon.
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178. As of right now, I am going to reap!
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179. Hey, world, I'm back!
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180. I'm really back!
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181. If you give me the sense of it, then
I'll know how dispose of some things.
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182. That, my dear, is the sense of it.
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183. The will very explicitly requires
that you throw away nothing.
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184. You keep everything intact.
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185. I see.
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186. The house, its furnishings,
everything goes to you in perpetuity.
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187. The proviso is, of course,
that you remain here.
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188. Where would I go? This is my home.
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189. Of course, of course.
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190. But, uh, the document
is quite clear in its intent.
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191. Everything will remain in your name
so long as you are on the premises.
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192. The same thing applies
to the various securities
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193. and the cash, which is quite
sizable. It's been set up in trust for you.
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194. You're to draw the interest accruing
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195. so long as you remain in the house.
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196. Where could anybody find a
man with a heart as big as his?
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197. Uh, now this, this is a codicil
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198. your uncle had delivered to my office.
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199. His instructions were
to include it in the will.
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200. "Add this codicil. Additional stipulation."
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201. Uh. Hm.
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202. The sense of this, miss polk,
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203. is that to qualify for the other legacies,
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204. there is one additional stipulation:
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205. That you're to care for all
of your uncle's experiments.
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206. "Care for?" That's odd.
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207. I don't understand, Mr. Schwimmer.
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208. Just exactly what experiments did he mean?
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209. - I have no idea. - But, uh, it reads
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210. "my beloved niece, Barbara,
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211. "will be responsible for the
well-being of my latest experiment.
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212. "She will care for it, look after it
and see to its wants and needs.
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213. "A member of the law firm
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214. "of schwimmer, schwimmer, king,
bathrick, pepperin, and schwimmer,
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215. "will visit once each week to
see this stipulation is adhered to.
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216. “In the event my beloved
niece Barbara fails to comply
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217. "with the provisions hereof, I hereby
give and bequeath all my property,
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218. both real and personal,
to the state university."
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219. Uh, now, the sense of that, miss polk...
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220. Just what is the sense
of that, Mr. Schwimmer?
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221. I gather it depends very much on
the nature of your uncle's experiment.
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222. He refers to it as "it." You
have no idea what "it" 1s?
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223. No idea at all,
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224. except that whatever it is,
it must be in the laboratory.
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225. Well, nothing in here of any consequence.
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226. How do you do?
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227. I'm a mechanical man
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228. built by your late uncle Simon polk.
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229. Your opening the door
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230. has activated all of my operating relays.
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231. Be patient with me,
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232. because according to
plan, according to plan,
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233. according to plan, according to...
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234. It will be several days
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235. before I can function at maximum capacity.
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236. I bid you greetings.
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237. Hello, Barbara.
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238. Bar-bara!
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239. Bar-bara!
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240. I'm going out, Frankenstein.
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241. If you need anything, like a
can of lubricant, get it yourself.
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242. You must not leave.
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243. Mr. Schwimmer is coming tonight.
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244. A week has gone by.
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245. Isn't Mr. Schwimmer coming?
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246. Yes, Mr. Schwimmer is coming.
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247. He'll be here at 8:00.
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248. Good.
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249. Good? Good for what?
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250. He will see that I am functioning properly.
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251. You see, I am like an infant.
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252. I am maturing gradually.
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253. Soon, I will have all my faculties.
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254. I will be able to perform all my functions.
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255. I will be a whole being.
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256. How nice.
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257. How perfectly grand. How exciting.
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258. You'll be a whole being.
Then what will happen?
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259. I will take on human attributes,
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260. those which your uncle Simon
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261. saw fit to give me.
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262. My uncle Simon, hm?
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263. There was a prince of a man.
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264. A-A brilliant man.
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265. This is interesting.
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266. This is very interesting.
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267. It's coming through now.
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268. What is?
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269. A-A craving. A new craving.
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270. Hot chocolate.
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271. I would love a cup of hot chocolate.
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272. Miss polk.
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273. Well, you look lovely, miss polk.
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274. And how is, how is young master polk, hm?
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275. You took those keys off the
desk. Give them back to me.
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276. Oh, no, I must keep the
laboratory door locked.
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277. You must not come down.
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278. Itis my room. It belongs to me.
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279. Barbara,
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280. won't you bring me some hot chocolate?
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281. After you bring me my hot chocolate,
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282. would you please close all the windows
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283. and pull the drapes?
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284. I don't like the light.
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285. I don't like the draft.
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286. What is the matter, Barbara?
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287. Tell me, please, what is the matter?
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288. What is the matter?
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289. What is the matter, you peanut-headed
sample of nature's carelessness?
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290. Barbara.
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291. Barbara.
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292. Help me. Help me.
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293. Ah, how are you this evening, miss polk?
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294. He, uh, /t1s rather quiet these days.
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295. Doesn't seem to say much.
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296. He makes his wants known.
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297. Pity about his-his leg,
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298. but he manages to get around, doesn't he?
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299. Indeed, he does. Indeed, he does.
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300. Well, I'll see you next week, miss polk.
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301. Take care of yourself, my
dear. No need to show me out.
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302. Barbara.
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303. Barbara?
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304. Barbara, my dear, if you could prevail
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305. upon that raggedy Ann
carcass of yours to exert itself,
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306. I'd like a cup of hot chocolate.
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307. I would like it in the
English bone China cup,
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308. and if it's not hot, I'll
throw it on the floor.
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309. All right, I'll make some.
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310. Speak up, you lint-headed
clod. I couldn't hear you.
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311. I'll make some hot chocolate.
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312. Move, you torpid lotus-eater.
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313. Be sure that it's hot.
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314. Do you hear me?
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315. Make sure that it's hot.
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316. What does it take to make
you move, you bovine crab?
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317. I'll fix it for you now.
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318. You'll fix it for me now, what?
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319. I'll fix it for you now,
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320. uncle.
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321. A metal man who'll go by the name of Simon,
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322. whose life as well as his body
has been stamped on for him.
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323. And the woman who tends
to him, the lady Barbara,
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324. who's discovered belatedly that
all bad things don't come to an end,
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325. and that once a bed is made, it's
quite necessary that you sleep in it.
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326. Tonight's uncomfortable little
exercise in avarice and automatons
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327. from the twilight zone.
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328. And now, Mr. Serling.
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329. Next on twilight zone, an eminent
performer of stage and screen,
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330. Mr. Richard basehart,
in an odd-ball excursion
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331. that we call probe seven, over and out.
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332. On occasion, we'll come up with
a wild and woolly denouement,
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333. but this particular opus
has an unpredictable ending
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334. that we doubt if even the most
seasoned 7z fans will be able to pick up
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335. before it happens on your screen.
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336. Next on twilight zone,
probe seven, over and out.
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