1. Shared by http://DJJ.HOME.SAPO.PT/
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2. You're traveling
through another dimension-
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3. a dimension not only of sight
and sound, but of mind,
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4. a journey into a wondrous land
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5. whose boundaries
are that of imagination.
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6. Your next stop,
the twilight zone.
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7. "Well," I says
to jack pershing,
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8. "general, we ain't
going to get
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9. "no artillery
support.
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10. "They're dug in too deep.
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11. "Well, we're going to
have to enfilade 'em.
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12. "That's what
we're going
to have to do.
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13. "We'll have to
enfilade 'em
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14. to beat the band."
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15. Frisby, when are
you going to burn
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16. that mouth organ
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17. or at least learn
how to play it?
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18. Well, it
relaxes me.
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19. Well,
"old black jack"
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20. knew who he was
dealing with.
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21. He didn't call me
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22. "old enfiladin'
frisby" for nothing.
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23. Horseradish.
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24. Where do you keep
the horseradish,
frisby?
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25. Top shelf.
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26. And ketchup?
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27. Right in back of
the cash register.
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28. Well, the
next morning,
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29. we attacked up
and down the line,
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30. and the rest is history.
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31. Smashed them to bits.
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32. Four and a half
hours later,
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33. we were in paris,
and an hour later,
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34. we're
in berlin.
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35. Oh...
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36. be my guest.
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37. Frisby, you're
the biggest liar
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38. that ever set by a stove.
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39. You doubting
my word?
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40. You can start with that.
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41. I'm not just
doubting your word.
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42. I'm calling
you a liar.
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43. How can you get
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44. from paris to berlin
in one hour?
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45. Find the celery, pete?
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46. Yep.
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47. How about turnips?
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48. Oh, all out.
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49. Get some
in the morning.
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50. We're waiting, frisby.
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51. How do you go
from paris to berlin
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52. in one hour?
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53. Well, now, that's what made
the operation so fantastic.
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54. See, I was doing
a little reconortin'
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55. and found a back route.
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56. Well, that's very
interesting, frisby,
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57. except last week,
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58. you sat right in
that dang chair
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59. and told us you was
in the balloon corps.
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60. Over the battle
of the marne,
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61. you shot down three
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62. german fokkers
with a pistol
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63. and directed
the artillery
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64. so the marines
could win.
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65. Well, I did, indeed.
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66. But that was
a year later.
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67. Let's see, that was...
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68. april 1917.
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69. Well, looks like rain.
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70. Tell by the clouds.
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71. Always tell by the clouds.
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72. Now, that big
job up there
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73. that is astrata
cumulus opacus.
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74. You fellows know
anything about
meterology?
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75. Here we go again.
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76. I can't say
we do, frisby.
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77. Well, I can say
that I do.
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78. Majored in it at the
university of wichita.
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79. Got my doctorate.
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80. Wrote a thesee
at the age of 13
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81. that's still used
as standard text.
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82. Meterology and you
it's called.
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83. Folks that know say
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84. it's the most
scholarly treatment
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85. of the subject in the
history of the field.
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86. "Old cumulus frisby"
they called me.
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87. "Cumulus frisby."
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88. This guy's
a meteorologist,
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89. I'm vice-president
johnson.
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90. What did you say, lyndon?
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91. All finished,
frisby.
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92. Want to add it up?
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93. No, you go ahead and
do it for me, pete.
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94. Pencil and paper right
there on the counter.
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95. Do it by hand, only I had
a kind of a busy day,
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96. and I'm all pooped.
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97. Say, did I ever tell
you fellas about the time
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98. I gave a demonstration
with the computer machines?
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99. 18 of them lined up
in an auditorium.
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100. Columns of figures,
eight digits apiece.
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101. Now, no pencils or
no paper, mind you-
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102. all in the head.
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103. Why, folks just came
from miles around.
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104. What happened?
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105. I didn't think
anybody'd ever ask.
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106. Well,
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107. four of 'em broke down
from overwork, two of 'em
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108. came up
with the incorrect answer,
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109. and I beat them all
by 21 seconds.
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110. "Old archimedes frisby"
they called me.
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111. Well, now that does it!
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112. I mean, I just
can't take anymore, frisby.
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113. I mean, I wouldn't mind
if you was a bright liar-
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114. I mean, you know,
if there was some logic to it-
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115. but, well, daggone,
the way you tell it,
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116. you'd have to be
100 different people
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117. living in 200 places
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118. during 12 periods
of american history.
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119. Hallelujah
and amen.
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120. Well, now,
who can that be?
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121. Customers most likely.
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122. You just said a nasty word.
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123. You know the only
industrious thing
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124. about frisby's whole body
is his mouth.
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125. Easy, easy,
I'm coming.
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126. The reluctant gentleman with the
sizeable mouth is mr. Frisby.
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127. He has all the drive
of a broken camshaft
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128. and the aggressive vinegar
of a corpse.
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129. As you've no doubt gathered,
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130. his big stock-in-trade
is the tall tale.
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131. Now, what he doesn't know
is that the visitors out front
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132. are a very special breed,
destined to change his life
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133. beyond anything even his fertile
imagination could manufacture.
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134. The place is pitchville flats,
the time is the present.
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135. But mr. Frisby's on the first
leg of a rather fanciful journey
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136. into the place we call
the twilight zone.
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137. Do you want gas, or something?
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138. That's the idea.
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139. Why didn't you
pour it yourself?
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140. Well, as a
matter of fact,
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141. we're not
too accustomed
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142. to these rear
engine jobs.
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143. Oh, you're
not, huh?
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144. Well...
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145. I am.
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146. Matter of fact...
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147. I'm responsible
for her.
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148. You developed
them, did you?
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149. Oh, indeed I did.
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150. Got a phone call one
time from henry ford
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151. asking me to fly
out to detroit.
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152. And I did, and
48 hours later,
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153. I had developed
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154. the first rear
engine automobile.
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155. Mister, you're looking
at the granddaddy
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156. of the american
automobile.
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157. Right after I finished
that designing job,
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158. henry ford said to me,
"rear engine"-
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159. what he always called me,
"old rear engine frisby"-
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160. "rear engine,"
he says,
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161. "you are an
automotive genius."
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162. And I couldn't very well
argue with him
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163. on account of
he was telling the truth.
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164. Do you want it filled up?
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165. If you don't mind.
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166. Not at all.
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167. Not at all.
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168. Right under there.
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169. I know, I know.
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170. I put it
under there.
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171. This is the man.
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172. Frisby.
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173. Is that his name?
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174. Frisby, an incredible
specimen-
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175. done everything,
knows everything,
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176. studied in most of their
major universities.
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177. Holds a doctorate in
at least eight fields.
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178. Obviously a key man.
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179. Water and oil okay?
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180. I believe they are,
but you might check them.
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181. Might just as well
while I'm here.
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182. Well, that will be $1.80.
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183. Ten bucks.
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184. Is that what it is?
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185. Oh, yes, ten dollars.
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186. You folks from around here?
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187. No, we're from
quite a ways off.
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188. Oh.
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189. Well, if you're going
to drive a spell,
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190. why, you better
check in some place
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191. fore you get started,
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192. 'cause those are
mean-looking old clouds.
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193. Looks like it'll
rain shortly.
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194. Can you tell when
it's going to rain?
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195. Tell? Rain?
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196. Mister, I can tell
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197. when the
humidity drops
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198. one half of
one percent.
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199. Why, I can
predict fog, smog,
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200. rain, hail,
sleet and snow
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201. 24 hours before
it happens.
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202. Mr. Frisby,
we were wondering...
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203. uh, we'll very likely
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204. be seeing you soon,
mr. Frisby.
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205. Well,
I hope you do.
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206. And remember what
I told you
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207. about the weather.
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208. You better check into
a motel or something
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209. until it blows over.
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210. We'll probably
do that.
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211. Thank you again,
mr. Frisby.
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212. Well, odd fella.
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213. Why, they believe
what you was saying?
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214. No, just kind of odd.
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215. Handed me a ten dollar bill
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216. like they didn't even know
what it was.
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217. Well, how come
you didn't tell 'em
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218. you was alexander hamilton,
and that's your picture on it?
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219. That's one of
the few things
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220. I ain't heard
him claim.
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221. I'll see you
tomorrow, frisby.
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222. Yeah.
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223. I'll see you tomorrow, frisby.
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224. Okay, pete.
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225. Well... 5:00.
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226. That seems like a...
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227. reasonable hour to close up.
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228. Mr. Frisby?
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229. Frisby here.
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230. Mr. Frisby?
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231. If you walk out of your store
and head east down the highway
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232. for 200 yards,
you'll have quite an adventure.
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233. H-how was that?
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234. You're not frightened, are you?
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235. Frightened?
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236. Me?
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237. "Stonewall frisby"?
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238. Why, dwight david eisenhower
said to me
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239. when I was the very first man
to climb into a landing craft
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240. headed for the french coast...
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241. that was june the 6th...
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242. 1944.
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243. "Stoney," ike said, "stoney...
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244. "you lead the invasion.
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245. "There'll be mines...
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246. "german e-boats...
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247. "stuka divebombers...
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248. "coast artillery...
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249. but you can do it."
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250. Exceptional.
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251. Well?
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252. L-I don't think
I better take the walk.
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253. It looks like rain.
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254. Then youarefrightened.
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255. We had thought that
you'd be the one man
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256. willing to take almost any risk.
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257. That may be very well, but...
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258. who may I ask
is saying all this?
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259. If you walk down the road
as I suggested,
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260. you'll find out.
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261. Well, rain
or no rain,
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262. I never was one
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263. to duck a little
excitement.
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264. W-w-who are you?
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265. You'll find out.
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266. Well, all right, but wait till
I get my things put away.
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267. That won't be necessary.
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268. You won't be coming back.
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269. Come right ahead, mr. Frisby.
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270. We're waiting for you.
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271. That's right, we're
waiting for you inside.
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272. Impressed, mr. Frisby?
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273. Impressed?
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274. Why, with this rinky-dink?
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275. This looks like a flea on a dog
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276. compared to the one
that I designed
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277. for the united states
space agency.
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278. And that was back in 1951.
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279. "Old rocket thrust frisby"
they called me.
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280. Please, mr. Frisby,
be so good as to enter.
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281. How do you do,
mr. Frisby?
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282. Welcome, mr. Frisby.
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283. How do you do?
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284. Yeah.
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285. Movie prop,
ain't it?
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286. Yeah, that's what
it is, ain't it?
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287. One of them
hollywood things
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288. advertisin' a flying
saucer picture or something.
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289. Yeah, that's it...
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290. ain't it?
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291. In a word,
mr. Frisby, no.
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292. This is actually
a flying saucer,
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293. and we-
my colleagues and l-
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294. are from another planet.
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295. L-l-I got
to be going.
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296. Correction,
mr. Frisby.
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297. You are
staying.
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298. So why don't
you relax
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299. and be
comfortable?
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300. What else did you gentlemen want
to know about?
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301. Your research
in liquid propellants.
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302. Oh, yeah.
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303. Liquid propellants.
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304. Mixed up the first batch
of that myself in my cellar.
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305. Folks in the hometown wanted me
to run for congress
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306. on account of
I'd got the country back
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307. in the space race.
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308. But if there's one thing
I ain't, it's egotistical.
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309. I figure, it's a man's
patriotic duty
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310. to invent a liquid
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311. propellant if he has a mind to.
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312. And I was a mind to.
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313. Well, even as a boy
at princeton university,
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314. they used to call me
"old liquid propellant frisby."
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315. Next question.
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316. Mr. Frisby,
forgive me,
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317. but you mentioned princeton.
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318. It's my understanding
that you went to the university
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319. of wichita.
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320. Well, that, too.
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321. Happens to be a fact
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322. that I hold a degree
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323. in 38 major universities
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324. of advanced schools
of higher learning.
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325. Got a rogue scholarship, too,
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326. but I had to turn that down,
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327. because I wouldn't bow
to the queen.
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328. Well, I think
that ought to take care
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329. of all of your questions.
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330. Now, if you don't mind,
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331. I'll be getting
home for supper.
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332. I...
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333. say, it's getting late,
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334. and I got to get
home for supper.
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335. I got to get out of here.
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336. I gather that
you don't quite
understand
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337. the situation,
mr. Frisby.
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338. How's that?
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339. You're not going home
for supper.
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340. You shall have supper here.
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341. Here?
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342. Precisely.
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343. In exactly... well, 14 minutes
by your measure of time,
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344. we'll be departing.
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345. Departing from
where to where?
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346. From here
to our planet.
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347. You see, mr. Frisby,
our assignment here
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348. was to secure a
representative
earth specie,
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349. hopefully the
most brilliant
we could find.
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350. There seems
to be no question
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351. that your
accomplishments
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352. are far and away
more extensive
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353. than those of
any other human
being on earth.
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354. Mine?
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355. Frisby's?
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356. Now, wait a minute.
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357. Wait a minute.
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358. I'm just an old country boy
with a big mouth.
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359. Oh,
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360. come now,
mr. Frisby.
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361. You do yourself a
terrible injustice.
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362. We know
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363. all about you
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364. andyour
accomplishments.
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365. Accomplishments?
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366. Well, uh, I guess you might
just as well know now as later.
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367. Only accomplishment I got
you fellas evidently overlooked,
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368. and, well, that is
I'm the god darndest liar
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369. that ever hit the pike.
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370. I spin the biggest yarns
west of the rockies!
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371. And I don't mean
exaggeration, I mean lies-
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372. l-l-e-s, lies.
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373. Don't you get it?
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374. Uh, mr. Frisby...
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375. there are some terms
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376. that we cannot relate
to our own language.
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377. This word "lie"
that you mention...
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378. you mean that...
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379. anything that anybody tells you
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380. just goes without saying that,
well, it's the truth?
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381. Hence, everything
that I've told you,
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382. you believe?
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383. Hence, you're going
to take me up to your planet
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384. and put me in a cage?
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385. Oh, hardly that,
mr. Frisby.
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386. It won't be a cage.
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387. We'll naturally have
to keep you confined
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388. much as we do the
other specimens
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389. we've collected.
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390. Mr. Frisby,
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391. we have a marvelously
entertaining venutian.
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392. He sings on eight different
pitches simultaneously
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393. and accompanies himself
with his tail.
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394. Now, you wait a minute.
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395. I am a bona fide american
citizen, and I got my rights.
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396. And furthermore...
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397. please contain
yourself,
mr. Frisby.
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398. Now, since we shall be
departing very shortly,
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399. you have your choice
of supper now,
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400. or perhaps you'd
prefer waiting.
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401. What will be
your pleasure?
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402. Pleasure?
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403. My pleasure is to punch
you right in the jaw.
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404. Feeling better,
mr. Frisby?
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405. We'll be departing
in five minutes.
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406. Man, the last time
I saw anything
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407. that looked like you,
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408. I'd been four days
on the corn jug,
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409. and even what I thought
I saw looked better
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410. than you do now.
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411. Say, tell me,
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412. are the girls
where you come from-
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413. do they look like you, too?
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414. Oh, you'll become accustomed
to our appearance, mr. Frisby,
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415. much as we've been able
to accustom ourselves
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416. to yours.
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417. Well...
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418. one thing I'll say about you,
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419. you... sure
are built hard.
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420. Oh, we are indeed...
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421. by your standards,
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422. which is quite
fortunate for us.
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423. Say, do you mind
if I relax a little?
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424. That horrible sound!
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425. You know, I was figuring
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426. on giving a concert
on this some day.
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427. Do you have harmonicas
on your planet?
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428. You better scat.
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429. They didn't call you
"old mile-a-minute"...
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430. stay in your room,
mr. Frisby.
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431. Frisby...
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432. let him out!
Lower the stair!
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433. No, don't
follow him.
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434. He has some sort
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435. of fantastic instrument
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436. that lets out a death sound.
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437. We best get out of here
before he warns the others.
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438. Surprise!
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439. What's going
on here?
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440. What do
you mean
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441. what's going
on here?
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442. Why, it's your birthday.
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443. This is a surprise party.
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444. Here, sit down.
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445. The presents, give
him the presents.
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446. I've been waiting
all day for this.
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447. Open it up, frisby,
come on, open it up.
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448. Read it out loud.
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449. Yeah, yeah, uh, read...
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450. mr. Frisby, for the first time
in his life,
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451. is at a loss for words.
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452. I'll read
it for him:
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453. "World's
greatest liar
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454. "mr. Somerset
frisby
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455. "presented by his friends and...
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456. "occasion of his
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457. 63rd birthday."
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458. Go ahead, frisby.
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459. Make a speech.
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460. I've been waiting all day
for this.
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461. Yeah, come
on, frisby!
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462. Tell us one of them
real whoppers.
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463. Where you been
the last couple of hours?
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464. Did-did you invent something?
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465. Or maybe you took a quick trip
up to the moon, huh?
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466. Now, you know,
you ain't very far wrong.
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467. Do you know who them fellas
was out there in that car?
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468. Well, I'll tell
you who they was.
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469. They was from
outer space.
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470. Now, wait a minute.
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471. I don't know
how they did it,
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472. but they just
whooshed me
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473. right through the air,
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474. right into their
flyin' saucer,
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475. and they was
going to kidnap me!
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476. But this is the truth,
honest, honest.
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477. You know how I got away?
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478. I just took out my harmonica...
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479. blew a couple of chords, and
they just fainted dead away.
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480. Aw! What
did I tell you?
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481. Ain't he the perfect limit?
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482. He sure is!
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483. But this is the truth.
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484. They had a big eye
right in the middle,
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485. and they whooshed...
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486. mr. Somerset frisby,
who might have profited
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487. by reading an aesop fable
about a boy who cried wolf-
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488. tonight's tall tale
from the timberlands
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489. of the twilight zone.
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490. Rod serling,
creator of the twilight zone,
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491. will tell you
about next week's story
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492. after this message.
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493. And now, mr. Serling.
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494. We have a return visit next week
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495. from a most imminent performer,
Joseph schildkraut.
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496. And his vehicle is called,
"the trade-ins."
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497. It's a story of a future society
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498. in which new bodies
may be traded for old.
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499. It's my own personal feeling
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500. that of all the various
story areas we've tackled
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501. in the twilight zone,
this has the most import,
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502. and carries with it
the most poignance.
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503. I hope you'll be able
to be with us next week.
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504. Here in one cigarette,
a chesterfield,
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505. is all the flavor and taste
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506. of 21 of the world's
finest tobaccos,
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507. aged mild and then blended mild.
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508. The end result-
tobacco too mild to filter,
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509. a pleasure too good to miss.
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510. Smoke for pleasure,
smoke chesterfield.
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511. This is james arness.
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512. You know, it's only a short hop
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513. fromthe twilight zone
to dodge city ingunsmoke.
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514. Saturday nights
over most of these stations.
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