The Twilight Zone 3x22

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2. You're traveling through another dimension-

3. a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind,

4. a journey into a wondrous land

5. whose boundaries are that of imagination.

6. Your next stop, the twilight zone.

7. Hello, is anyone there?

8. Hello!

9. Is anyone there?

10. Well, how do you do?

11. I'm fitzgerald fortune...

12. the theater critic.

13. So what?

14. Isn't rudeness something of a handicap in your line of work?

15. What's that to you, hmm?

16. When I saw the name "treasures unlimited,"

17. I stepped through that door fully expecting

18. to encounter some sentimental old biddy

19. in an ostrich-plumed hat and a moth-eaten feather boa.

20. Instead, to my sincere delight,

21. I seem to have discovered a misanthrope.

22. What's that?

23. A man who despises people.

24. I got work to do, mister.

25. What are you looking for?

26. I am looking for a present for my wife's birthday.

27. Wrong place, wrong place, junk shop.

28. Exactly.

29. You see, my wife has the absurd notion

30. that she would like to learn to play the piano.

31. Unfortunately, she hasn't a trace of talent.

32. So, do you happen to have one of those old pianos

33. that plays itself?

34. Got one. Don't know if it works or not.

35. But it's old.

36. Splendid.

37. Would you mind showing it to me, please?

38. You're taking a lot of my time, mister.

39. You're taking an equal amount of mine.

40. What birthday does this make for your wife?

41. The 26th.

42. So young.

43. You must be a man of great personal magnetism

44. to attract a wife so young.

45. I am.

46. Utterly romantic-

47. youth and wisdom, hand in hand.

48. How I'd love to see

49. the two of you together.

50. What... what a picture you must make.

51. And for her birthday, you're giving her the gift of music.

52. Oh, how touching.

53. What is the price of the piano?

54. Youaretaking your young bride out somewhere tonight, hmm?

55. Some quiet nook

56. where you can be lost together in the midst of the great world,

57. looking into each other's eyes.

58. How much for the piano?

59. It's worth $250,

60. but since it's for a birthday present

61. I'll let you have it for $200.

62. I shall expect delivery

63. before 6:00 this evening.

64. The address is right here on my check.

65. Certainly... I shouldn't like

66. to have the little lady disappointed on her birthday.

67. Has it occurred to you

68. that you're extraordinarily susceptible

69. to the power of music?

70. Isn't everybody?

71. Well... to some degree, yes.

72. You going to stand around all day taking

73. my good time?

74. No, I was just going.

75. Oh, there's the door.

76. Tell me, are you sentimental

77. about anything else beside birthdays?

78. Birthdays? They're a stupid waste

79. of time and money.

80. Extraordinary.

81. Mr. Fitzgerald fortune, theater critic and cynic at large,

82. on his way to a birthday party.

83. If he knew what is in store for him, he probably wouldn't go,

84. because before this evening is over

85. that cranky old piano is going to play "those piano-roll blues"

86. with some effects that could happen only in

87. the twilight zone.

88. Good evening, sir.

89. You've dusted the piano, I see.

90. Yes, sir.

91. It came an hour ago, sir.

92. Oh, marvin...

93. yes, sir?

94. If you're going to wait at the party tonight

95. do you think you could manage to do something about your face?

96. My face, sir?

97. A party is supposed to be a happy occasion.

98. Do you think you could manage to be

99. a little less miserable than usual?

100. I will do my best, sir.

101. Is that you, gerald?

102. Yes, esther.

103. Hello, darling.

104. Esther, I want you to let marvin go.

105. What's he done?

106. No, it's not anything that he's done.

107. It's just the way he looks.

108. I hate to come home every evening and be confronted

109. by that lugubrious expression of his-

110. unspeakably depressing. Look at him!

111. Looks as if he's going to burst into tears at any moment.

112. Surely at least we can have a servant who's cheerful

113. to have around.

114. There's no need to hurt his feelings, dear.

115. He has no feelings.

116. The man's a clod.

117. Well, you don't like the piano, I take it.

118. Oh, I love the piano, I really do.

119. Eh, have you played it?

120. I didn't know how it worked,

121. so I thought I'd wait until you came home.

122. You see, I remembered

123. that you wanted to learn to play the piano.

124. This piano plays itself.

125. Yes, wasn't that considerate of me?

126. See, I didn't want you

127. to take all those tedious lessons

128. and then find out at the end of it all

129. that you really had no musical talent at all.

130. I see.

131. Well, darling?

132. No thanks for my birthday present?

133. No emotion of any kind?

134. Thank you, gerald.

135. Well, now, let's hear what this one sounds like.

136. It has a happy-enough sounding title.

137. Thank you, marvin.

138. Marvin, what on earth is the matter with you?

139. Are you feeling

140. all right, marvin?

141. I'm very well, thank you, madame.

142. But you're smiling.

143. Am I?

144. You most certainly are.

145. That's probably because I'm happy, sir.

146. What are you happy about?

147. Everything...

148. I make good money, got a nice place to live,

149. my health, money in the bank, I like my job!

150. But you couldn't possibly.

151. I treat you atrociously.

152. Oh, you don't bother me, mr. Fortune, you tickle me.

153. Sometimes it's all I can do

154. to keep from laughing out loud

155. when you have one of your tantrums.

156. I get a great kick of it when you go around

157. flicking the furniture to see if I've dusted,

158. or checking the silver to see if it's polished.

159. I'm sorry if I spoke out of place, sir.

160. Oh, on the contrary, marvin.

161. I'm very glad you did.

162. You may go, thank you.

163. What a strange thing to happen.

164. Yes, wasn't it?

165. Who would have thought

166. that beneath that gloomy exterior

167. the man was concealing a sunny nature?

168. Of course, I've always believed that we have two faces-

169. one that we wear

170. and the other that we keep hidden.

171. The problem has always been to find some method

172. to make people reveal their hidden faces.

173. Yes, I suppose it helps

174. if you know what particular hidden face

175. you're looking for.

176. How do you like this music, esther?

177. You... beast!

178. I've controlled myself

179. for six years...

180. and I can't stand it any longer.

181. I was a stupid child when I married you.

182. I thought you were a great man.

183. But you aren't. You're just a sadistic fiend.

184. You take pleasure in humiliating me

185. in front of your clever friends.

186. You enjoy hurting me.

187. I've stood your cruelty for six years,

188. and I can't stand it anymore.

189. Are you feeling well, my dear?

190. I feel better than I've felt for years.

191. It's a great relief to tell you what I really think about you.

192. I've kept it bottled up for so long.

193. I thought you needed me.

194. I thought you needed my love, but you don't.

195. You just need someone to bully

196. and to torture when you feel like it.

197. I tried to love you- heaven knows I did-

198. but I hate you.

199. I hate you!

200. Congratulations, my dear.

201. A magnificent performance.

202. If you'd been on stage, esther,

203. I should have given you superlative reviews.

204. I don't know what possessed me.

205. Well, I do!

206. I seem to have bought you

207. a more interesting birthday present

208. than I'd thought.

209. I wonder what other people are hiding.

210. Gerald, promise me that you won't play

211. the piano again at the party tonight.

212. I promise no such thing.

213. I wasn't looking forward to this party very much.

214. But now I think we're going to have

215. a most amusing evening.

216. Good evening, marvin.

217. Good evening, sir.

218. Gerry?

219. Greg! Good to see you.

220. Scotch?

221. Of course.

222. You're unusually cordial tonight.

223. That is yoursmileyou're wearing, isn't it?

224. I took it out of cold storage in honor of esther's birthday.

225. Well, not I. I don't plan to smile all evening.

226. I'm glad to see you share my distaste for birthdays.

227. Well, birthdays, anniversaries

228. and certain holidays I overlook whenever possible.

229. They seem to imply a certain sticky human involvement

230. which I'd much rather avoid.

231. Oh, is that true? I'd always gathered you were

232. something of a ladies' man, rather thickly involved.

233. You've been misinformed, gerry, my boy.

234. I'm much too selfish to fall in love.

235. And you're miserable.

236. Not in the least.

237. I value the peace and quiet of my orderly bachelor existence.

238. Lets me write my plays without interference from anyone.

239. Oh, yes, how is the new play?

240. Brilliant.

241. By the way, where is the birthday girl?

242. Oh, she's still at her makeup table.

243. Her emotions were showing,

244. and she's covering up a little.

245. Tell me, what do you think of this amusing little toy

246. I found for her?

247. I haven't seen one of those old jobs in years.

248. Doesn't play, does it?

249. It does, indeed.

250. Plays remarkably well.

251. Let me show you.

252. I have a piece especially for you.

253. Romantic, wouldn't you say?

254. Is esther pleased with it?

255. Well, she hasn't shown any great enthusiasm.

256. That doesn't sound like esther.

257. Usually she's so grateful for any small show of affection.

258. I think that's one of her most lovable qualities-

259. the ability to accept a bouquet of daisies

260. as though they were the rarest of orchids.

261. I remember I once gave her a small ring, a turquoise ring.

262. She accepted it as if it were the hope diamond.

263. Oh, I remember when she brought that ring back from mexico city.

264. But I seem to recall that she went there alone.

265. Yes, yes, she did.

266. We ran into each other down there.

267. She never mentioned it.

268. Wasn't that rather an odd coincidence?

269. Gerry, has it ever occurred to you

270. that I'm very deeply in love with your wife?

271. My dear greg... I always believed that you were

272. about as capable of passion as a head of lettuce

273. and esther's emotional power was that of a newborn kitten.

274. Now don't speak of her that way.

275. I'll speak of her any way I please.

276. She's my wife.

277. You don't know esther at all.

278. Esther is full of love.

279. Her skin is warm and soft like velvet.

280. The scent of her hair is enough to drive a man wild.

281. And... her hands are gentle, sweet to kiss and to hold.

282. Esther is music...

283. gerald, no!

284. honey, esther is...

285. oh, I'm sorry you did that, my dear.

286. I don't know when I've been so highly entertained.

287. Esther, I'm sorry.

288. I can't explain what happened.

289. It's probably just as well.

290. I never enjoyed deceiving you, gerald.

291. My dear, you're incapable of deceiving me.

292. I've known for years of your capacity

293. for doing any number of sordid little things.

294. The only revelation that's been made to me

295. has been the specific details of your squalid little affair.

296. Oh, our guests are arriving.

297. Before I welcome them,

298. may I wish you a happy birthday, my dear,

299. and hope that the next 26 years

300. will be equally rewarding.

301. Gerald, please don't use the piano again tonight.

302. It's not something that you fool with.

303. I'm not fooling with it, my dear.

304. I'm using it with deadly accuracy.

305. Hi, marvin!

306. Good evening, miss moore.

307. Marge, my dear, do come in.

308. Well, don't just stand there, devouring me with your eyes.

309. Kiss me, you fool.

310. Marge, I'm really vexed with you.

311. You promised me the next time I saw you

312. you'd be as svelte as an antelope.

313. I've been on more diets than arcaro has horses.

314. But somehow, I always manage

315. to get thrown before the finish line.

316. Happy birthday, esther.

317. Thank you, marge.

318. I'm not even speaking to you, handsome.

319. Do you realize it's been months since you've called me?

320. Somebody else been taking my place?

321. As a matter of fact, yes.

322. We've just been having an illuminating discussion about

323. greg's new romance.

324. Don't tell me her name,

325. or I just might scratch her eyes out.

326. Or worse yet, I might just sit on her and mash her to death.

327. Well, isn't somebody

328. going to offer me a drink?

329. Oh, you'll have to talk to marvin.

330. I believe another stagecoach is arriving.

331. Darling, you look ravishing.

332. How are you? Mwa.

333. Hi. Ross, good to see you.

334. Hello, mary. Happy birthday.

335. Oh, this looks marvelous. Oh, this looks marvelous!

336. Why don't you have one?

337. Not with my diet.

338. Diet? What's that?

339. All right, everyone,

340. now, may I have your attention, please?

341. Now, um, would you just find seats.

342. Anywhere, uh, on the floor will be fine.

343. Not me, I'd never be able to get up.

344. The time has come for fun and games.

345. Now, being mostly friends of esther's

346. you're probably inclined to such intellectual pursuits

347. as, uh, spin the bottle or pin the tail

348. on the donkey. However, tonight

349. I thought rather than cater to your juvenile mentalities

350. we might perhaps have a rather more adult game.

351. When are we going to cut the cake? I'm hungry!

352. Compulsive eaters

353. will find hors d'oeuvres within arm's reach.

354. Now, for this game, we shall need a volunteer.

355. Well, in the absence of a volunteer

356. I shall have to conscript someone.

357. Um... marge moore.

358. Me?

359. Okay, svengali, uh, what's the caper?

360. All I want you

361. to do is to listen to some music, my dear.

362. Oh, well, I can do that!

363. Talk to me, marge.

364. Tell me what you're feeling.

365. My name isn't marge.

366. What is your name?

367. My name is tina.

368. Who are you, tina?

369. I'm a little girl.

370. What do you like to do?

371. Oh, I love to dance.

372. All right, tina, dance for us.

373. Shh!

374. All right, you may stop dancing now, tina.

375. Tell me, are you always tina?

376. Not always.

377. What else are you, marge?

378. Sometimes, I pretend that I'm a snowflake;

379. white and tiny and perfectly formed.

380. I float on the air

381. of a pale blue moonlit night.

382. I'm never lonely...

383. beautiful and slender.

384. Oh, and I'm loved.

385. I see a man with his hand stretched out.

386. I drift down and reach that hand.

387. I'm enclosed by his warmth and I melt with his love.

388. It was all in fun, my dear.

389. I chose you especially, because I thought

390. you'd enjoy a joke.

391. Gerald!

392. Don't you think that we've had

393. enough of that piano for tonight? Oh, not quite.

394. Sit down, sit down, everybody.

395. I'm going to call forth the devil.

396. I hardly think we shall get a volunteer,

397. but that doesn't matter.

398. Esther, put this on the piano.

399. Now, cheer up, darling.

400. It's only a game.

401. Now, this is going to befaust.

402. So if there really is a devil among us

403. we shall know it soon enough.

404. Say something, devil.

405. I'm afraid.

406. What are you afraid of, devil?

407. I'm afraid of the dark.

408. Why, you're not a devil.

409. You're just a poor, frightened kid.

410. That's a secret.

411. Tell us your secret, gerry.

412. I'm afraid of you all.

413. I'm afraid of people.

414. There's a small, frightened boy,

415. and I've kept him hidden away inside me.

416. And he only likes to hurt people,

417. and I can't stop him from doing it.

418. Did you know that I envied you, marge?

419. I can't embrace the world as you do.

420. And in my envy, I released

421. that frightened child inside me and I let him hurt you.

422. I tried to hurt you, too, greg.

423. I gave bad reviews to your plays

424. when I should have given praise.

425. I coveted your talent because I have none.

426. And I hurt you in every childish way I could.

427. I, uh, I think we'd better go.

428. Esther...

429. I've hurt you most of all.

430. You came to me with love,

431. but you frightened me.

432. I don't know how to return love

433. except as a child does-

434. with shrieks and blows and indifference.

435. Good night, esther.

436. Uh...

437. esther...

438. will you come with me?

439. Where are you all going?

440. I don't want you to leave.

441. Come back!

442. If you leave me, I'm going to be very naughty!

443. Don't laugh at me.

444. I'm not laughing, mr. Fortune.

445. You're not funny anymore.

446. Mr. Fitzgerald fortune,

447. a man who went searching for concealed persons

448. and found himself in the twilight zone.

449. Rod serling, creator of the twilight zone,

450. will tell you about next week's story

451. after this message.

452. And now, mr. Serling.

453. A symbol of a sad but rather commonplace event.

454. An impressive funeral, the deceased laid out

455. in a most acceptable manner...

456. but in this case, at the last moment deciding

457. that in matters concerning the trip to the great beyond,

458. perhaps this trip wasn't necessary.

459. You'll see it next week onthe twilight zone

460. when we present montgomery pittman's

461. "the last rites of jeff myrtlebank."

462. Very often when you write for a living, you run across blocks-

463. moments when you can't think of the right thing to say.

464. Now happily, there are no blocks to get in the way

465. of the full pleasure of chesterfield.

466. Great tobaccos make it a wonderful smoke.

467. Try 'em; they satisfy.

468. This is james arness.

469. You know, it's only a short hop

470. fromthe twilight zone to dodge city andgunsmoke,

471. saturday nights over most of these stations.