1. Shared by http://DJJ.HOME.SAPO.PT/
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2. You're traveling
through another dimension
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3. a dimension not only
of sight and sound, but of mind
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4. a journey into a wondrous land
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5. whose boundaries
are that of imagination.
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6. That's the signpost up ahead.
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7. Your next stop,
the twilight zone.
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8. Uniquely american institution
known as the neighborhood bar.
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9. Reading left to right are
mr. Anthony o'toole, proprietor
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10. who waters his drinks
like geraniums
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11. but who stands four-square
for peace and quiet
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12. and for booths for ladies.
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13. This is mr. Joseph j. Callahan,
an unregistered bookie
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14. whose entire life is
any sporting event
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15. with two sides
and a set of odds.
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16. His idea of a meeting at
the summit is any dialogue
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17. between a catcher and pitcher
with more than one man on base.
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18. And this animated citizen
is every anonymous bettor
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19. who ever dropped rent money
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20. on a horse race or prize fight
or a floating crap game
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21. and who took out his
frustrations and his insolvency
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22. on any vulnerable fellow
barstool companion
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23. within arm's and fist's reach.
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24. And this is mr. Luther dingle,
a vacuum cleaner salesman
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25. whose volume of business
is roughly that
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26. of a valet
at a hobo convention.
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27. He's a consummate failure
in almost everything
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28. but is a good listener
and has a prominent jaw.
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29. Don't give me
that, callahan.
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30. I don't pay off
on a bum call.
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31. Three umpires call
the man out.
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32. I call
the man out.
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33. 60,000 fans call
the man out.
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34. The final score was
pittsburgh 3, dodgers nothing.
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35. You and I got an even bet, pal.
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36. I happened to have the pirates.
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37. You got the dodgers.
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38. So you owe me
five dollars.
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39. The ball was foul
when it hit him
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40. so instead of an out,
it was a foul ball.
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41. So who's to say there wouldn't
have been a man on base?
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42. And when pignatano got a single
a run would have scored.
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43. And furthermore, callahan,
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44. you're nothing but a cheating
insult to the american bookie.
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45. I'll give you five seconds
to take back that innuendo.
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46. Callahan, I told you
once before already.
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47. You start another brawl
in here
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48. and I'm going to fix
that mouth of yours
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49. so any future
drinking you'll do
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50. is gonna be through
a tube stuck in a vein.
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51. Me? Why me?
Tell it to the troublemaker.
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52. The number-one welcher
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53. of all the western states
sitting over here.
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54. His father owes my father from
the second dempsey-tunney fight.
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55. Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?
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56. Mainly on account of
it was a bum call.
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57. Hey, buddy, did you see
the tunney fight?
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58. You remember the referee
with the long count?
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59. The guy was knocked
clear out of the ring.
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60. You could have gone up in the
stands, got a can of beer
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61. engaged in a
little conversation
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62. come back,
sit down in your seat
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63. and the referee still
wasn't finished counting.
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64. Now, I ask you,
how about that?
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65. I ask you,
how about it?
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66. Me?
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67. Yeah, yeah, you.
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68. Did you watch the game
on television last night?
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69. You talk about
bum calls.
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70. Duke snider was up
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71. and it was in
the ninth inning.
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72. Two men were out.
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73. Howard and moon were
on first and second.
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74. And this umpire
with no pupils in his eyes
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75. calls a foul ball an out.
Did you see it?
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76. ) as a matter of fact I did
watch the game on television.
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77. Exceptional defensive play,
exceptional.
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78. Abner d-d-doubleday
would have been proud.
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79. Never mind about
abner doubleday.
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80. I'm willing to leave
it up to you.
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81. Was it a foul ball
or was it an out?
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82. It appears to me that the ball
fell into fair territory
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83. and therefore when
striking the ground
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84. and hitting the batter
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85. the rules very definitely state
the batter was out.
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86. You asked the man,
you got an answer.
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87. Of course you
realize, pal
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88. that you're
calling me a liar.
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89. Now, I'm not an
unreasonable man
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90. so I'm going
to give you
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91. one more chance.
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92. Was it a
foul ball
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93. or was it
an out?
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94. Well, it's
my considered opinion...
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95. how's come you got to
always be hitting dingle?
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96. You hit him last week,
you him the week before.
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97. A man can only
stand so much.
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98. I'm tired of this guy
contradicting me.
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99. And when a guy
calls me a liar
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100. there's my honor
to be considered.
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101. Your honor?
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102. You've got nothing
in line in you
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103. from the bottom
of your arches
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104. to where you
part your hair
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105. which is pretty tough
to find.
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106. And when you die
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107. they'll have to screw you in the ground.
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108. Am I crooked?
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109. You got to
believe me.
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110. Am I crooked?
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111. Dingle, dingle,
for once...
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112. for once, why can't
you be neutral?
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113. Am I crooked?
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114. Why don't you tell the man?
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115. Wait a minute,
back off.
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116. Are you serious
about this?
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117. And these two unseen gentlemen
are visitors from outer space.
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118. They're about to alter
the destiny of luther dingle
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119. by leaving him a legacy
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120. the kind you can't
hardly find no more.
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121. In just a moment, a sad-faced,
perennial punching bag
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122. who missed even the caboose
of life's gravy train
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123. will take a short constitutional
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124. into that most
unpredictable region
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125. that we refer to
as the twilight zone.
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126. This man don't know the
first thing about baseball.
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127. If anybody
can tell me
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128. the phillies
deserved
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129. winning the pennant that year
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130. they're out
of their minds.
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131. You sure
we're invisible?
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132. Beyond any doubt.
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133. I wish they were.
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134. You don't have
to do that.
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135. You don't even
have to answer.
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136. Just because he don't like the phillies...
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137. let me tell him.
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138. You have a brain of
your own, don't you?
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139. You have your
own viewpoint.
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140. What did you think of
the phillies of 1953?
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141. Phillies... 1953?
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142. That's right.
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143. That's right,
phillies of 1953.
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144. You ever see such jerky-looking creatures?
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145. And one head yet.
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146. Typical earthmen.
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147. Not really though.
The one in the middle,
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148. the one who just suffered
the physical damage
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149. he may be the one
we've been looking for.
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150. How do you mean?
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151. Silence,
I'm receiving his waves.
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152. Name is dingle, abject coward
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153. does not even possess what earth
creatures call minimum muscles.
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154. Decidedly a sub-physical type.
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155. I think we have
found our subject.
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156. You intend to give him
the additional strength?
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157. We haven't found
anyone weaker, have we?
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158. I believe he will be
an exceptional subject.
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159. Give him around 11 secograms atomic weight.
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160. That should make him
roughly 300 times stronger
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161. than the average
human being.
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162. Yes, I think
that will do it.
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163. We had better contact central laboratories
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164. tell them we have
found a subject.
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165. In other words,
you're telling me
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166. that you thought robin
roberts had more stuff
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167. than clem levine?
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168. Well, to be frank and candid
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169. those two men,
as good as they both are
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170. and all things
being equal...
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171. come on already,
take your pick.
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172. Roberts?
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173. For the last time.
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174. You start one more
roughhouse in here
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175. and I won't let
you come back.
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176. Now, look what
you've done.
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177. How you feeling,
dingle?
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178. C-c-clem l-l-l-levine
was definitely superior.
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179. You see?
All I made him do
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180. was see things
clearer.
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181. I can observe him now.
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182. Let him have it.
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183. How about it, dingle?
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184. How you doing?
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185. Definitely clem levine.
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186. Dingle, would
you mind
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187. a little advice?
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188. Now, the whole world
is full of guys
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189. that are going to get
punched in the nose
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190. no matter who they
pick in a ball game
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191. who they
vote for.
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192. Now, you want
to know my advice
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193. for what you should do
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194. for the rest
of your life?
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195. Just don't talk,
just nod.
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196. Somebody asks you who
you like in the third
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197. you just smile.
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198. Understand, dingle?
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199. What's the matter?
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200. It's very odd.
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201. What's odd?
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202. I... I feel f-f-funny.
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203. Funny?
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204. Yeah.
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205. Wonder what
caused that?
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206. Caused what?
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207. Well, this vacuum
cleaner, it's...
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208. light as a feather.
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209. Not that the machine
isn't right.
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210. No, sir, it's the lightest on the market.
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211. Yes, sir,
I tell you
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212. it's a handy-dandy
piece of merchandise.
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213. Guaranteed to lighten the load
and lengthen the life
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214. of that partner in the home,
th-th-the housewife.
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215. But I didn't know
it was this light.
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216. Dingle, I always
figured you
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217. for a nice guy.
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218. You never caused me no trouble.
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219. Now why all of a sudden
you got to wreck my front door?
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220. Mr. O'toole,
I'm mystified.
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221. I'm absolutely
mystified.
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222. This door seemed to come
right off in my hand.
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223. You here again?
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224. Didn't my old man say
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225. he was gonna punch you
in the nose
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226. if you came around here
bothering us again?
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227. You're quite right.
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228. It's the wrong number.
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229. I was headed
across the street.
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230. Now that's not the best
of all possible manners, is it?
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231. Aw, go peddle your vacuum
cleaners, you creep
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232. and throw me
my ball back.
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233. All right, run out for the pass.
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234. Hey, mister, where'd you learn
to fling a ball like that?
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235. Why, I don't know.
I really don't...
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236. what is happening?
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237. What on earth is
happening to me?
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238. Taxi, taxi, please.
Thank you.
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239. Oh, believe me, this is as much
a mystery to me as it is to you.
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240. They don't make handles like
they used to, do they?
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241. Oh, I'm sorr...
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242. excuse me, miss.
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243. Yes.
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244. I don't want you to
think I'm a masher.
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245. I'm certainly
not a masher.
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246. But would you mind
answering a question?
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247. That depends.
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248. Well, what I mean
is looking at me
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249. in a perfunctory,
cursory first surveil
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250. do I appear abnormal
in any way?
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251. Not at all.
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252. Not unless you plan
to use that in the park.
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253. Oh, that.
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254. Do you know that up
until a few hours ago
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255. I sold those.
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256. Or I went through
the motions.
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257. I was a very
bad salesman.
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258. Miserable.
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259. You know, last week
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260. I only made 89 cents
in commissions.
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261. That was for
an attachment.
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262. It's the
upholstery nozzle.
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263. And I sold it to a drunk
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264. who thought it was
a divining rod for alcohol.
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265. Oh, I fully expect
to be fired
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266. but that is the least of my trouble.
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267. Would you be interested
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268. in hearing the most
of my worries?
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269. Go ahead.
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270. Watch.
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271. You see?
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272. Now, w-w-watch this.
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273. Hey, buddy, I'm a reporter
with thebulletin.
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274. Would you mind doing that again?
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275. With the rock?
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276. That's right.
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277. Incidentally,
what's the gag?
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278. There's no gag, see?
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279. Get another
one of those.
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280. This I got to get
in the paper.
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281. Goodness.
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282. Mr. Dingle, if what
we hear is true
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283. do you realize how much money can be made
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284. on a tour with
our carnival?
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285. Mr. Dingle, this
is a con artist.
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286. Your future lies
in television.
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287. You're the walking,
talking embodiment
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288. of every american male's
wish fulfillment.
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289. You're john q. Citizen.
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290. You're babbitt,
you're tom, dick and harry.
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291. Now here's our idea
for the series.
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292. A simple 15-minute
address by you
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293. with little examples of
your physical prowess.
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294. It's a natural for
breakfast cereals
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295. tonics, vitamin
pills, anything.
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296. And I keep
telling you
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297. you line up
with me
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298. I'll get you some easy setups.
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299. Inside of
eight months
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300. I'll have
you fighting
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301. for the world
championship.
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302. That's so
ridiculous.
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303. Would the people
surrounding mr. Dingle
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304. just get out of
the way, please.
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305. Out of the way.
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306. The camera in there and
that light there and...
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307. hello, there, friends.
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308. Jason abernathy here with your
show, tv probes the unusual.
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309. And our unusual subject today
is mr. Luther dingle
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310. who, if what actual
onlookers say is true
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311. is the world's strongest man.
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312. Mr. Dingle...
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313. mr. Dingle, would you care
to give us an example
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314. of this fantastic alleged
strength of yours?
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315. I'd be ha-happy to.
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316. Is it all right,
mr. O'toole if I...
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317. are you kidding?
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318. I ain't done so much business
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319. since the night they repealed
the 18th amendment.
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320. Be my guest,
mr. Dingle.
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321. First, I'd like to start
with simple things.
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322. Wonderful.
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323. Wait a minute, dingle.
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324. Ain't you ever heard of
bygones being bygones?
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325. That's amazing.
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326. Bravo!
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327. Had enough?
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328. Most inferior.
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329. We give him the
strength of 300 men
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330. and he uses it
for petty exhibition.
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331. Give him 20 or
30 seconds more
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332. then remove the power.
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333. Excellent idea.
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334. And I think
we should be off.
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335. Three planets on
tomorrow's itinerary.
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336. One should be particularly interesting-
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337. contains only females.
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338. And now, ladies...
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339. and now, ladies and gentlemen
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340. I believe the most
unique trick of all
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341. I shall raise this entire
building with my bare hands.
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342. What? Raise
the building?
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343. He can't
do that.
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344. I don't
believe it.
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345. I don't know.
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346. He seems to
have lost it.
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347. He's a fake, that's what he is.
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348. I feel sorry for him.
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349. Poor little guy
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350. he's lost
his belief.
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351. He's a sad little man,
isn't he?
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352. Uh-oh!
Uh-oh!
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353. All right, leave off
of poor dingle here.
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354. Now, come on,
everybody out of here.
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355. Come on, beat it.
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356. Ladies and gentlemen
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357. you have this station's
abject apology.
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358. We didn't realize that it
was a trick... obviously...
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359. well, we're
off the air...
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360. for good, I think.
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361. So long, hercules.
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362. Bring that thing
out of here.
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363. How are you, fellas?
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364. Nice seeing you.
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365. Where are
you from?
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366. Venus. How about you?
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367. Mars. Conducting
experiments?
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368. Yeah,
and you?
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369. Sudden introduction
of strength
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370. to subnormal earthman.
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371. How about you?
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372. Sudden introduction of
extreme intelligence.
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373. Find any interesting
subjects?
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374. That one over there.
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375. He's referred to
as a dingle.
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376. He certainly is
sub-physical.
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377. I wouldn't be surprised
if he's sub-mental, too.
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378. Looks likely enough.
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379. Give him the intelligence quota ray.
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380. How strong?
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381. Make it about...
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382. let's see.
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383. Perhaps 500 times
more intelligent
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384. than the
average human.
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385. Roebuck's ready.
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386. Here's the pitch.
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387. High and outside.
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388. He couldn't hit the
length of the bat.
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389. I'll lay you five
to one he gets on.
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390. Logan? Are you
out of your mind?
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391. Hey, hey, dingle.
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392. What about it?
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393. What will he do?
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394. Various factors are
brought into play here
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395. involving the laws
of probability
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396. interspersed with
the process of calculus
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397. fenaglian laws of chance
and the subdivisional grepple
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398. which is based on
the position of bodies
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399. in mathematical relationship
to other bodies.
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400. Now, in this case,
using the two factors
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401. represented by the
divisions involved
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402. I think that the batter will
unquestionably hit a home run.
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403. A home run by johnny logan.
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404. Holy mackerel!
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405. How about that?
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406. Light.
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407. two to one.
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408. A tremendous blow over
the left-field fence.
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409. Now, it appears to
me it is apparent
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410. in a
mathematical plan
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411. that the entire
quantum theory
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412. of space and
time relativity
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413. must have been equated
with the parellelian role
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414. of definitive numerical
dialectic algebraic
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415. and must be
further annotated...
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416. exit mr. Luther dingle,
formerly vacuum cleaner salesman
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417. strongest man on earth,
and now mental giant.
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418. These latter powers will likely
be eliminated before too long
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419. but mr. Dingle has an appeal
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420. to extra-terrestrial note-takers
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421. as well as to frustrated
and insolvent bet-losers.
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422. Offhand, I'd say
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423. he was in for a great deal
of extremely odd periods
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424. simply because there are
so many inhabited planets
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425. who send down observers
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426. and also because of course
mr. Dingle lives his life
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427. with one foot in his mouth and
the other in the twilight zone.
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428. Rod serling, the creator
of the twilight zone
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429. will tell you
about next week's story
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430. after this word
from our alternate sponsor.
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431. And now, mr. Serling.
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432. A radio.
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433. A carryover from that other era
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434. when quiz shows
went up to only $64
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435. and entertainment was aimed
only at the ears.
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436. Mr. Charles beaumont
has given us
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437. a most unusual story
called "static."
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438. We invite you to watch
mr. Dean jagger
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439. fiddle with a few of these
knobs, change a few stations
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440. and find a couple of programs
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441. that are broadcast
only in the twilight zone.
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442. Captioned by media access
group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org
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443. see the newandy griffith show
each week
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444. over most of these stations.
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445. Consult local listings.
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