The Twilight Zone 2x11

Directed by Jack Smight

John Fiedler as Mr. Dundee • Art Carney as Henry Corwin • Meg Wyllie as Sister Florence • Burt Mustin as Old Man • Val Avery as Bartender

A down-on-his-luck department store Santa Claus discovers a bottomless sack of toys.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Shared by http://DJJ.HOME.SAPO.PT/

2. You're traveling through another dimension-

3. a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind.

4. A journey into a wondrous land

5. whose boundaries are that of imagination.

6. That's the signpost up ahead.

7. Your next stop, the twilight zone.

8. I told you that santa claus should be back by 6:00.

9. Come on, mom, let's go.

10. Hey, you told me to tell you when it was 6:30.

11. It's 6:30.

12. That's right.

13. It's exactly 6:30.

14. So...

15. so what happens now?

16. You turn into a reindeer?

17. Would that I could.

18. I'll have another one.

19. You owe me for six drinks and a sandwich.

20. That's $3.80.

21. Why do you suppose there isn't really a santa claus?

22. How's that?

23. Why isn't there a real santa claus... for kids like that?

24. What am I supposed to be- some kind of philosopher?

25. You know what your trouble is?

26. You let that dopey red suit go to your head.

27. Are you some kind of a nut?

28. Here's your change.

29. I'll flip you- double or nothing.

30. What do you think this is, monte carlo?

31. Finish and get out.

32. I've had enough... to eat.

33. Hello, jack's place.

34. No, jack's not here.

35. This is bruce.

36. Wait a minute.

37. Santa claus, I catch you trying that

38. one more time

39. I'm going to break both your arms

40. up to the shoulder blades.

41. Now, go on, get out of here.

42. What's that?

43. No, it's just santa claus trying to heist the joint.

44. Thanks a lot, bruce.

45. Please, santa

46. I want a carriage and a dolly...

47. please, I want a gun...

48. and a playhouse...

49. and a set of soldiers

50. and a fort...

51. and oh, please, santa claus

52. a job for my daddy.

53. Please, a big turkey

54. for our christmas dinner.

55. This is mr. Henry corwin, normally unemployed

56. who once a year takes the lead role

57. in the uniquely popular american institution

58. that of a department store santa claus

59. in a road company version of the night before christmas

60. but in just a moment, mr. Henry corwin, ersatz santa claus

61. will enter a strange kind of north pole

62. which is one part the wondrous spirit of christmas

63. and one part the magic that can only be found

64. in the twilight zone.

65. You should see me with erector sets.

66. Corwin, you're an hour late!

67. I am?

68. Now, you get up on your throne

69. and see if you can keep from disillusioning a lot of kids

70. that not only isn't there a santa claus

71. but the one in this store happens to be a wino

72. who'd be more at home playing rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

73. Now, get with it, santa claus!

74. You go ahead.

75. You climb up on his lap.

76. Go ahead, he won't hurt you

77. will you, santa claus?

78. You won't hurt my little boy.

79. Go on, tell him!

80. What's your name?

81. Percival smithers.

82. And what do you want for christmas, percival?

83. A new front name.

84. Percy!

85. I think we have...

86. look, mom!

87. Santa claus is loaded.

88. You've got some nerve!

89. You ought to be ashamed.

90. Madam... I am ashamed.

91. Come on, percival.

92. I hope this won't be

93. a traumatic experience for you.

94. Sot!

95. Is there some trouble here?

96. Yes, there's some trouble.

97. I shall never trade in this store again.

98. It seems you hire your santa clauses

99. out of a gutter.

100. All right, back to work.

101. Back to your positions, please.

102. And now, mr. Kris kringle of the lower depths

103. since it is only a few hours to closing time

104. it is my distinct pleasure to tell you

105. that there is no more need for your services.

106. You have had it!

107. Now, get out here!

108. I'd be very glad to.

109. And get that crummy red suit back

110. to wherever you rented it from

111. before you really tie one on and destroy it.

112. You drunk!

113. Thank you very much, mr. Dundee.

114. As to my drinking, this is indefensible

115. and you have my abject apologies.

116. I find of late that I have very little choice

117. in the matter of expressing emotions.

118. I can either drink or I can weep

119. and drinking is so much more subtle.

120. Will you please leave?

121. As for my insubordination

122. I was not rude

123. to that woman.

124. Someone should remind her that christmas

125. is more than barging up and down department store aisles

126. and pushing people out of the way.

127. Now, corwin...

128. someone has to tell her

129. that christmas is another thing, finer than that...

130. richer, finer, truer

131. and it should come with patience and love, charity, compassion.

132. That's what I would have told her

133. if you'd given me the chance.

134. Well, how philosophical

135. mr. Corwin.

136. Now, perhaps as your parting word

137. you can tell us how we can go about

138. living up to these wondrous yule standards

139. which you have so graciously

140. laid down for us.

141. I don't know

142. how to tell you, mr. Dundee.

143. I don't know at all.

144. All I know is

145. that I'm an aging, purposeless relic

146. of another time

147. and I live in a dirty rooming house

148. on a street

149. filled with hungry kids and shabby people

150. where the only thing

151. that comes down the chimney

152. on christmas eve

153. is more poverty.

154. Will you keep your voice down?

155. Do you know another reason

156. why I drink, mr. Dundee?

157. So that when I walk down the tenements

158. I can really think it's the north pole

159. and the children are elves and that I'm really santa claus

160. bringing them a bag of wondrous gifts

161. for all of them.

162. I just wish, mr. Dundee, on one christmas-

163. only one...

164. that I could see some of the hopeless ones...

165. and the dreamless ones...

166. just on one christmas

167. I'd like to see the meek

168. inherit the earth.

169. And that's why I drink, mr. Dundee...

170. and that's why I weep.

171. George, you want another drink?

172. Hey, look. It's santa claus!

173. Look, there's santa claus.

174. Come on in.

175. Nah, nah. Go on, get lost.

176. Get out of here.

177. Merry christmas.

178. Santa's a lush.

179. Hey, everybody!

180. Hey, kids!

181. Merry christmas, everybody!

182. Hey, kids! Everybody!

183. Merry christmas!

184. Merry christmas, everybody!

185. Merry christmas!

186. What is going on here?

187. What's the idea of coming in here and disrupting

188. the christmas eve service?

189. Sister florence, I ain't touched a drop

190. since last thursday and that's the gospel truth.

191. And I swear to you

192. on account of I've seen it with my own eyes-

193. santa claus is coming down the street heading this way

194. and bringing everybody his heart's desire.

195. There's a real, honest-to-goodness santa...

196. merry christmas, gentlemen.

197. Now, what'll be your pleasure

198. for christmas, gentlemen?

199. How about you, burt?

200. I fancy a new pipe.

201. Let's see what I can do for you.

202. Here's your new pipe.

203. How about you?

204. I want a sweater.

205. A sweater- what size?

206. Who cares what size?

207. Oh, thank you.

208. Could I have a smoking jacket?

209. A smoking jacket to go with the pipe.

210. I'll see what I can get.

211. There's your smoking jacket.

212. Where did you get all these gifts?

213. Sister florence

214. don't ask me to explain.

215. I'm just as much in the dark as anybody else.

216. All I know is I've got a santa claus bag here

217. that gives everybody

218. exactly what they want for christmas

219. and as long as it's putting out

220. I'm putting in.

221. Sister florence, how about a new dress?

222. Give that to sister florence

223. when she comes back.

224. Thank you.

225. A bottle of wine.

226. Merry christmas, officer, merry christmas.

227. What's your name?

228. Henry corwin... or is it?

229. Maybe it's santa claus or kris kringle- I don't know.

230. You're drunk, corwin. Is that it?

231. Of course I'm drunk.

232. I'm intoxicated with the spirit of the yule.

233. Drunk with the spirit of the yule.

234. Intoxicated with the magic and wonder that is christmas eve.

235. I'm inebriated with joy and delight.

236. Yes, officer, I'm drunk.

237. We'll settle this in a hurry.

238. Have you got a receipt for this stuff?

239. Receipt?

240. Of course you've got a receipt.

241. No.

242. Sister florence

243. would you please collect all the stolen goods

244. and put them in a pile over there?

245. I'll send for them

246. when I check on who owns them.

247. Come on, santa.

248. Be right with you, officer.

249. Don't worry about a thing, gentlemen.

250. There's more where this came from.

251. Officer, let me tell you how this whole thing started.

252. I was having a glass down at jack's place.

253. It was just about 4:30 in the afternoon when I got there.

254. Like I said, officer

255. I arrived at jack's place about 4:30-

256. between 4:30 and 5:00, the cocktail hour.

257. Jack wasn't there but bruce was.

258. I know bruce, yes.

259. Right here.

260. After you.

261. I had a sandwich

262. that I couldn't finish

263. and I got to talking...

264. uh-huh, here he is and here we are and there that is.

265. And here you are.

266. How nice to see you again, mr. Dundee.

267. And how nice it will be

268. to see my wistful saint nicholas going up the river.

269. Do you suppose he can get as much ten years?

270. Ten years?

271. Well, it don't look good, corwin.

272. Of course, they could lop off a few months

273. if you was to tell them where the rest of the loot was.

274. He's been giving out the stuff for two and half hours.

275. He must have a warehouse full of it.

276. I'm glad you brought that up.

277. There seems to be

278. a slight discrepancy here.

279. Listen, you moth-eaten robin hood

280. the wholesale theft of thousands of dollars worth of goods

281. is not a slight discrepancy.

282. Though I can tell you right now, corwin

283. this whole affair comes as no surprise to me.

284. I'd perceived that criminal glint in your eyes

285. the first minute I'd laid eyes on you.

286. It seems to me

287. that you've put your finger

288. on the problem, mr. Dundee.

289. This bag doesn't know

290. whether to give out gifts or garbage.

291. It was giving out gifts when I seen it.

292. Whatever they was wanting corwin was supplying.

293. All kinds of stuff- toys, gifts, expensive stuff.

294. Admit it, corwin.

295. Oh, I admit it, I admit it.

296. But it seems to me the essence of our problem is

297. that we're dealing with a most unusual bag.

298. My advice to you is to clean up this mess and get out here.

299. Officer flaherty, you call yourself a policeman.

300. Well, I suppose it is a demanding task-

301. to distinguish between a bag full of garbage

302. and an inventory of expensive stolen gifts.

303. Mr. Dundee, believe me.

304. It's like corwin says:

305. We're dealing with the supernatural here.

306. In other words

307. all we have to do is to ask mr. Corwin

308. to make a little abracadabra for us

309. and no sooner said, done.

310. Well, go ahead, corwin.

311. I fancy a bottle of cherry brandy

312. vintage 1903.

313. Oh, that's a good year.

314. And as for you, officer flaherty

315. how dare you drag me down here

316. at the busiest time of the year

317. to look at a bag full of garbage?

318. Mr. Dundee...

319. pardon me, gentlemen.

320. Merry christmas to both of you!

321. "To mr. Dundee, from santa."

322. Here, mr, dundee.

323. You need one.

324. Here's beautiful yellow sweater for you.

325. I want a toy.

326. I've got a beautiful toy for you.

327. I want an electric train engine.

328. Electric train engine? Diesel or steam?

329. I don't care.

330. There it is.

331. I want a dolly.

332. You want a dolly.

333. A blonde, brunette...

334. blonde!

335. Here she is.

336. I want a toy, please.

337. Oh, I've got one here for you.

338. Right there, sweetheart.

339. I've got a baseball bat for you

340. and a toy dog for you.

341. Thanks.

342. And a baseball mitt.

343. Merry christmas to all!

344. Nothing for you this christmas?

345. I think I've had the nicest christmas

346. since the beginning of time.

347. Nothing for you.

348. Nothing for yourself, not a thing.

349. You know, I... I can't think of anything I want.

350. I guess what I've really wanted is...

351. to be the biggest gift giver of all times

352. and in a way

353. I think I had that tonight.

354. Although, if I had my choice of any gift- any gift at all-

355. I think I'd wish I could do this every year.

356. That'd be some gift

357. wouldn't it, burt?

358. Oh, it sure would.

359. God bless you, burt

360. and merry christmas to you.

361. Merry christmas to you, too, santa

362. and thanks for the smoking jacket and the pipe.

363. Don't mention it.

364. We've been waiting quite a while

365. for you, santa claus.

366. Oh, no.

367. Did you hear what I said?

368. I said we've been waiting quite a while

369. for you, santa claus.

370. We've got a year of hard work ahead of us

371. to get ready for next christmas.

372. Come on.

373. Are you ready?

374. Oh, yeah.

375. Going home, officer flaherty?

376. Going home, mr. Dundee, and you?

377. Going home, officer flaherty.

378. This is the most remarkable christmas eve

379. I've ever had.

380. Flaherty...

381. I could have sworn that I...

382. did you see it?

383. I thought I did.

384. What did you see?

385. I don't think I ought to tell you.

386. You might report me for drinking on duty.

387. Go ahead, what did you see?

388. It was corwin, mr. Dundee

389. big as life in a sleigh with reindeer

390. sitting next to an elf

391. and riding up toward the sky.

392. That's about the size of it

393. ain't it, mr. Dundee?

394. Flaherty, you better come home with me

395. and we'll pour out some hot coffee

396. and we'll pour some brandy in it

397. and we'll...

398. and we'll thank god for miracles, flaherty.

399. A word to the wise, to all the children of the 20th century

400. whether their concern be pediatrics or geriatrics

401. whether they crawl on hands and knees and wear diapers

402. or walk with a cane and comb their beards.

403. There's a wondrous magic to christmas

404. and there's a special power reserved for little people.

405. In short, there's nothing mightier than the meek.

406. Captioned by media access group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org

407. this is james arness.

408. You know, it's only a short hop fromthe twilight zone

409. to dodge city andgunsmoke.

410. Saturday nights, over most of these stations.