1. Martin.
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2. Martin!
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3. Martin!
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4. What?
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5. What the hell
are you doing in there?
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6. What do you think I'm doing?
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7. Are you screwing around
with that damn computer again?
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8. I'm trying to fix the light!
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9. Martin!
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10. Great!
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11. What was that?
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12. Nothing, darling.
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13. Just finishing up some work.
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14. Well, hurry up, 'cause
the garbage goes out tonight...
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15. and the kids are hungry.
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16. Yes, dear.
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17. And that toilet that you fixed
won't flush again.
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18. Yes, darling.
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19. Life getting you down?
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20. Why don't you just share?
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21. Need a change of pace?
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22. What the hell is this, now?
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23. Try Future Trade—
we trade futures.
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24. Jerks. Everybody's
trying to sell something.
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25. Martin, I need you
out here right now!
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26. Martin!
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27. I'm coming!
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28. Isn't it time
you tried Future Trade?
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29. That is enough!
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30. I've had it!
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31. Martin Donnor
doesn't realize it yet...
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32. but he's just been offered
the deal of a lifetime.
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33. All he has to do
is walk through a door...
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34. and into...
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35. the Twilight Zone.
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36. You're traveling
to another dimension.
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37. A dimension not only
of sight and sound...
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38. but of mind.
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39. A journey
into a wondrous land...
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40. whose boundaries are only
that of the imagination.
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41. You're entering...
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42. - Donnor.
- Yeah.
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43. What time is it?
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44. Uh, it's 8:00, sir.
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45. It's 3 minutes after.
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46. Hey, do you think I got
to where I am today...
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47. by showing up
at 3 minutes after 8:00?
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48. Sorry, Skip.
I had car problems.
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49. I don't give a rat's ass
about your car, Donnor.
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50. Your hours of work
are 8:00 to 5:00.
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51. Not 3 minutes after.
Not 2 minutes after.
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52. OK.
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53. 8:00... to 5:00.
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54. Right.
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55. You understand?
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56. Yes.
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57. Thanks.
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58. How you doing today?
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59. I'm fine, thanks.
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60. Just give us a try
at Future Trade.
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61. You'll be so glad
you contacted Future Trade.
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62. Welcome to Future Trade...
where your dreams come true.
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63. You'll be so glad
you contacted Future Trade.
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64. Thank you for calling
Future Trade.
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65. Through with that, sir?
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66. Thank you.
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67. May I help you?
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68. Yeah. I think I received
one of your internet ads...
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69. on my computer.
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70. Fill these out. Have a seat.
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71. Someone will be right with you.
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72. Thanks.
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73. Future Trade. May I help you?
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74. Yes. You heard about
our introductory offer?
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75. Look, the only reason I'm here
is that your ads...
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76. keep popping up
on my computer screen.
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77. Home or the office?
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78. Uh, both.
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79. Market research.
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80. Advertising ploy
is more like it.
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81. We don't need
advertising ploys, Mr. Donnor.
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82. Our product sells itself.
All we do is target...
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83. a very specific,
discerning consumer...
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84. who fits our client profile.
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85. Look, let's not waste
each other's time...
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86. right out of the gate.
You seem like a smart man.
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87. You middle management?
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88. Uh, sales, actually.
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89. What is that, 30 grand a year
and 3 weeks off?
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90. 27.5 and 2 weeks off,
not consecutive.
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91. So you're a man
who deserves better...
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92. a lot better.
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93. So you weren't born
into the right zip code.
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94. So no one handed it to you
on a silver platter.
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95. Few of us can be Kennedys,
Mr. Donnor.
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96. For the rest of us,
there's Future Trade.
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97. I don't understand.
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98. Futures. We trade futures.
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99. What, like the stock market?
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100. No. People's futures.
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101. Mr. Gordon, I happen to be
a salesman myself, OK?
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102. I'm pretty good at it.
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103. And I've used 'em all,
seen it all before.
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104. Just give me the fine print, OK?
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105. That is the fine print.
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106. That's what we do.
We trade people's futures.
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107. Let me explain.
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108. Mr. Jones comes to us
with a problem.
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109. He's unhappy
with his lot in life...
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110. and he prefers,
let's say, Mr. Smith's life.
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111. So we contact Mr. Smith.
We lay out a prospectus.
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112. And if Mr. Smith likes
Mr. Jones' life...
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113. then we simply
broker the transaction.
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114. What transaction?
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115. Oh, Mr. Smith's future
becomes Mr. Jones'...
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116. and Mr. Jones' future
becomes Mr. Smith's. Ta-da.
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117. - And that's it?
- That's it.
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118. Of course, we do charge
a small commission.
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119. - Aha!
- Simply for handling the deal.
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120. I assure you
it's an equitable fee...
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121. for what we provide.
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122. Have I piqued your interest yet?
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123. You want a different life,
don't you?
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124. Who wouldn't in my position?
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125. My job sucks.
My wife hates me.
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126. Kids don't even know I'm alive.
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127. I understand.
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128. I mean,
I could've been somebody.
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129. You still can be. Come on.
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130. What if I wanted to be 6'5"
and built like a linebacker?
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131. Unfortunately,
that's not how it works.
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132. To yourself,
you'll look exactly the same.
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133. To everyone else, however,
you'll be a new man.
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134. Just think of it
like this, Martin.
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135. You're stepping into
another man's shoes.
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136. His life becomes yours.
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137. Your life becomes his.
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138. What other man?
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139. Well, we keep files on people...
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140. ordinary people like yourself,
looking for a change.
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141. Can I see these files?
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142. No. They're private
and confidential. I'm sorry.
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143. Well, how am I supposed
to choose?
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144. Well, that's what
the questionnaire is for.
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145. Think of it
like a dating service.
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146. You tell us what you want,
and we provide a match.
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147. Can I be rich?
Very, very rich?
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148. Oh, yeah.
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149. - Can I live in a big house?
- Sure.
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150. Can I have
a gorgeous wife, a 10...
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151. one who can cook and clean?
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152. What if it's not a good match?
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153. Hey, as long as you call
and cancel within 24 hours...
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154. there's no penalty.
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155. Then what?
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156. Well, after that we ask for
a two-year commitment...
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157. or we charge
a hefty cancellation fee.
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158. Oh. Another fee. I knew it.
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159. Only if you cancel.
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160. Hey, would you please activate
Mr. Donnor's file?
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161. - Thank you.
- Yes, sir.
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162. Any other hidden fees
I should know about?
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163. Anything else?
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164. Uh, no.
Not that I can think of.
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165. Nothing?
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166. Um... nope.
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167. This is your prospectus...
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168. the confidentiality
agreement...
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169. any other pertinent information
you may need.
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170. Oh, and, uh... these.
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171. Keys? What for?
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172. House, car... boat.
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173. Boat?
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174. Mm-hmm.
What do you say, huh?
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175. Salesman to salesman?
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176. You want to trade your future,
Mr. Donnor?
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177. B-b-boat?
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178. Welcome aboard the good ship
Future Trade, Mr. Donnor.
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179. Hope you enjoy the ride.
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180. §§ Hey, Tinseltown,
I'm back in town §§
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181. §§ I'm gonna do my thing §§
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182. Ha ha ha ha ha!
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183. Whoo! Ha ha ha!
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184. Oh, yes.
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185. §§ I'm feeling strong,
I can't go wrong §§
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186. §§ Tonight the joker's wild §§
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187. §§ Poker, Gin, or 21 §§
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188. §§ I'm playin' on this town,
yeah §§
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189. §§ Deal me in, baby §§
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190. §§ You got to deal me in §§
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191. Sweet child of mine.
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192. Honey?
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193. I'm home.
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194. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick...
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195. when's Jack gonna let me
jump on that candlestick?
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196. Oh, my.
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197. You're stunning.
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198. You're beyond stunning.
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199. Are you feeling OK, honey?
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200. Hmm?
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201. Thank you, Future Trade.
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202. Mmm, mmm, mmm.
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203. Why don't you two
just get a room?
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204. That may be a good idea.
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205. Mmm... mmm.
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206. Wow.
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207. How was it?
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208. Uh... what?
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209. - Your swim.
- Oh. Amazing.
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210. Yes? Really?
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211. Yeah, I always wanted
a swimming pool growing up.
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212. I thought you had one.
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213. I did. Uh...
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214. I just forgot how much
I loved swimming in it.
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215. Oh, yeah?
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216. Where's this newfound energy
coming from all of sudden?
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217. I don't know.
I feel like a new man.
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218. Yes, you are.
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219. Well, your timing is perfect...
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220. because I just finished
cooking you—
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221. Whoa, whoa, wait.
You actually cooked this?
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222. Your favorite meal.
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223. Papaya salad...
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224. grilled Chilean sea bass,
penne arrabbiata.
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225. That is my favorite meal.
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226. Well, to new things to come.
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227. I'm all for it.
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228. Whoo!
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229. Sir? Sir?
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230. The board's waiting.
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231. They've been here
since 8:00, sir.
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232. The board? Right. 8:00 A.M.
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233. Not 3 minutes after,
not 2 minutes after.
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234. Get me a vanilla latte with
chocolate sprinkles on top...
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235. and tell them
I'll be in there shortly.
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236. Judging by our quarterly
revenue projections...
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237. we're looking at
a 15% increase across the board.
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238. Increase.
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239. Sounds good.
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240. It's better than good, sir.
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241. The trustees
have just approved...
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242. a 3-for-1 stock split
next month...
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243. meaning your executive
bonus package will be...
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244. well over 7 figures this year.
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245. Oh, and did I mention
the S.E.C. just approved...
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246. your 300% salary increase?
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247. Look, I'm a salesman.
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248. I know every trick
in the book...
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249. and I know that this deal
is too good to be true.
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250. There's got to be
some kind of a catch.
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251. Most of our clients
have a hard time...
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252. believing their good fortune.
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253. I mean, what would possibly
possess a guy...
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254. to give up such a perfect life?
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255. Maybe he had enough.
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256. Enough of what? The money?
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257. The-the-the house?
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258. The gourmet food?
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259. Francesca? Come on!
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260. Our client's information
is private, just as yours is.
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261. What do you mean, mine?
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262. Look, the man
who stepped into your shoes...
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263. doesn't know
any more about you...
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264. than you know about him.
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265. That's right.
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266. Somebody's
living my life right now.
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267. With Carroll.
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268. If you're having
buyer's remorse, Martin...
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269. you can always
cancel the trade...
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270. as long as it's within
the first 24 hours...
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271. which would make
your introductory offer...
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272. expire at... 8:00 tonight.
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273. Sharp.
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274. OK, you're giving me a headache.
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275. - Keep it down!
- No! Stop!
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276. OK, that's enough!
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277. Honey, is that you?
I'm in here!
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278. - That hurts!
- No, it's mine!
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279. Settle down, you guys.
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280. - Hi, honey.
- Hi. How was your day?
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281. Oh, it was great.
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282. OK, sit down. That's enough.
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283. No more of the gun. Sit down.
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284. Why don't you color
with your brother, OK?
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285. Honey, no. Give me that.
Thank you.
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286. C'est la vie.
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287. - No!
- OK, stop it! That's it!
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288. See you in a few years, dear.
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289. Then again, maybe I won't.
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290. Francesca?
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291. Honey? Where are you?
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292. Well... hi, darling.
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293. You're home early.
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294. - Am l?
- Mm-hmm.
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295. And you left late this morning.
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296. Well, maybe I'm working
a little too hard.
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297. Maybe I need to take it
a little bit easier.
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298. Are you feeling all right?
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299. Who's the guy in the S.U.V.?
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300. What guy?
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301. The good-looking one.
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302. The one that nearly became
a hood ornament?
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303. Oh. That's Eduardo.
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304. You weren't supposed
to see him.
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305. Obviously.
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306. Don't tell me you're jealous?
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307. So, who is this guy?
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308. He is nobody.
Just a delivery guy.
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309. A delivery guy
who likes to drink wine.
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310. Oh, darn it. It was supposed
to be a surprise.
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311. Well... I'm surprised.
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312. And a little jealous?
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313. OK. A little jealous.
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314. We were celebrating.
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315. Really.
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316. Celebrating what?
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317. Celebrating
the end of my search.
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318. You have no idea how long
I've been looking...
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319. for this for you.
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320. Well, are you going to open it?
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321. 18th Century. Bolivia.
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322. Because you love traveling
to South America so much.
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323. I had a collector
track it down for you.
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324. Wow... what can I say?
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325. Thank you.
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326. You're welcome.
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327. Expecting someone?
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328. Hmm? No.
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329. Feeling all right?
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330. I feel great.
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331. Things are gonna be
a lot different...
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332. around here from now on.
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333. I can feel it.
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334. It's like I've woken up
from this deep slumber and...
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335. realized all the things
that I've been missing.
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336. From now on...
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337. I am going to live the life...
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338. that I deserve.
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339. And I'm going
to have all the things...
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340. that have been denied me
so long.
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341. Really. I've never known you
to deny yourself of anything.
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342. Cars, houses... women.
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343. Women?
What are you talking about?
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344. You're the only woman I need.
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345. You've always had
a wicked sense of humor...
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346. haven't you? Hmm?
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347. I suddenly feel very dizzy.
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348. Oh, that's OK.
That's the curare.
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349. What?
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350. Don't you remember?
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351. You're the first one
who told me about it.
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352. It's a powerful muscle relaxer.
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353. See, you said the lndians
use it to hunt.
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354. They put some
on the tip of the arrows.
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355. See, what I didn't know
is that...
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356. by mixing it with alcohol—
brandy, let's say—
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357. it doesn't leave any trace.
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358. Fascinating, isn't it?
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359. Future Trade...
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360. I gotta...
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361. I gotta exercise my option.
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362. I thought you had figured it out
a dozen times.
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363. You've been acting
so funny lately.
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364. Then this afternoon,
coming home early...
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365. running into Eduardo.
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366. I thought
you were smarter than that.
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367. Sorry, love.
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368. This is one deal
you can't talk yourself out of.
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369. Next time somebody offers you
a deal too good to be true...
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370. make sure
you read the fine print.
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371. Especially when that deal
is brokered...
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372. in the Twilight Zone.
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