1. Hello! I'm London Tipton.
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2. Welcome to the boardroom.
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3. London, this is a classroom,
not a boardroom.
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4. Then why am I always bored in here?
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5. Anywho, I have great news.
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6. Daddy just gave me a million dollars!
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7. Oh...
- How is that news?
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8. Man, I'm out of here.
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9. And I wanna share
the million dollars with you.
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10. Please continue.
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11. Well, Daddy asked me to think of a product
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12. that will appeal to the youth demographic.
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13. But after putting on my thinking cap,
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14. I realized two things:
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15. I'm not a thinker, I look great in caps
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16. and I have no idea
what "demographic" means.
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17. - That's three things.
- Oh, you're right.
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18. Stupid thinking cap!
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19. I don't want Daddy to know
I couldn't come up with anything,
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20. so I need you guys to help me.
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21. The first person to come up
with a great new product
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22. gets the million dollars to develop it.
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23. Man, that's a lot of money.
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24. You know, I can keep
my eyes on it for you.
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25. Oh, please.
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26. I got a trained professional.
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27. Kirby!
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28. Is this a surprise party for me?
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29. - No.
- So there's no cake?
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30. - I'm giving you a million dollars.
- But there's no cake?
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31. Wait a minute, a million dollars?
What do I have to do?
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32. I mean, I'll do it,
I just need to know what it is.
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33. I need you to guard it.
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34. Yes, ma'am. You can depend on me.
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35. I won't let that money out of my sight.
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36. Uh, Kirby, where's the money?
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37. Out of my sight.
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38. Sorry.
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39. The race for the million-dollar idea
is on,
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40. and may the best man...
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41. or freakishly broad-shouldered woman win!
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42. - Hey, Kirby.
- Hold it!
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43. Whoa!
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44. Oh, that's not good.
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45. I just sent 10,000 volts
through a man that can fire me.
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46. Help me up.
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47. Let go of the button!
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48. I apologize, Mr. Moseby.
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49. - On the bright side, you smell like bacon.
- Oh!
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50. Why on earth would you zap me?
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51. I'm a little on edge because I'm guarding
this million dollars for London.
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52. You know, I've actually never
seen a million dollars before.
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53. - Mind if I take a peek?
- I need to see some ID.
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54. Yup, you're you.
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55. Wow, that's a lot of cheese.
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56. Well, it is a million dollars.
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57. No, I mean actual cheese.
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58. What? Oh, no!
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59. - This is my lunch sack!
- Oh.
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60. I must've misplaced
the sack with the money.
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61. Now what are you gonna do?
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62. Don't worry. I'm a trained professional.
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63. I know how to deal
with situations like these.
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64. Excuse me!
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65. If anyone finds a sack filled
with a million dollars in cash,
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66. bring it back to me
and you'll get a $100 reward.
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67. See? Now I got a whole team
of people helping me look.
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68. I know what I'm doing.
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69. London, why is there a desk
on the sky deck?
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70. Well, I wanted to use my boardroom,
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71. but Miss Tutweiller said
she needed to "hold detention" in there.
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72. - Aren't you supposed to be in detention?
- Uh-huh.
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73. Oh. Now, if you'll excuse me,
my 3:00 is here.
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74. - Oh, of course.
- Dazzle me, farm girl.
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75. Okay, my idea combines
the two things kids love most:
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76. recycling and heirloom crafting.
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77. Uh-huh.
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78. You start with an apple.
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79. You whittle it down,
put some old vintage clothes on it
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80. and this is what you get.
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81. A badly-dressed apple?
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82. No, it's an apple-head doll.
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83. And you can personalize them.
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84. For instance, I based this one
on Mrs. Gergely.
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85. See? Same clothes, same shoes.
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86. Same wrinkles. Ow!
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87. - Hey, she made it.
- Ow!
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88. - Ow!
- Ow!
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89. Ow!
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90. Okay, dazzle me, brain boy.
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91. Hi, I'm Cody Martin!
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92. How many times have
you been in the woods...
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93. - Never.
- ... and wanted to cook yourself a meal...
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94. - Never.
- ... but you forgot your lemon zester?
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95. - Never.
- Exactly.
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96. We've all been there.
But those days are over,
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97. thanks to the kitchen in a mitt.
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98. Why would I ever wear
something that hideous?
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99. Please save your questions till the end.
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100. The kitchen in a mitt puts the whole
kitchen in the palm of your hand.
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101. It whisks, it ladles, it slices, it dices.
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102. And for when you wanna flip your eggs,
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103. the spatula attachment
is your best friend.
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104. Look, Cody.
Now you're not the only egghead!
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105. Heh-heh-heh. Egghead.
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106. Oops.
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107. Oh, yeah, the "oops"
always makes it better.
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108. Perhaps you'd like to stick
some bacon in my ear.
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109. And the best part about
the kitchen in a mitt
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110. is it's heat-resistant
up to 10,000 degrees.
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111. Really? Cool, show me!
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112. Oww!
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113. This is just a prototype,
so that burns horribly.
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114. Okay, dazzle me, boy-that-looks-like
Cody-but-isn't-smart.
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115. Hey, that's what Mom calls me too.
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116. Anyway, my million-dollar invention is...
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117. Clothes made out of tinfoil?
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118. I think Bailey already has those.
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119. No, no, no, it's a supersuit.
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120. You see, having superpowers
will no longer require
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121. a radioactive spider bite
or a gamma-ray explosion.
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122. You see, this suit can deflect missiles,
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123. fire lasers and even fly into outer space.
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124. Well, how does it do all that?
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125. Beats me.
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126. But when I get that million bucks, I'll
hire a bunch of nerds to figure that out.
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127. - Mm...
- Then I'll be indestructible.
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128. Here we go.
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129. Dazzle me, one-hit-wonder boy.
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130. All right, I believe
I have the next logical
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131. moneymaking idea for the music industry.
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132. It is one giant step beyond ringtones.
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133. Oh! I love ringtones!
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134. Well, if you like ringtones,
you will love flushtones.
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135. Oh, wow! You figured out a way
to make calls with the toilet?
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136. That is so cool! Hello?
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137. No, no, this toilet is
connected to the Internet.
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138. For just 99 cents, you can sing along
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139. to your favorite hits
from yesterday and today
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140. while riding the porcelain pony.
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141. I don't think my dad wants the Tipton name
associated with something so distasteful.
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142. Come on. Come on, it brings a whole new
meaning to canned music.
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143. Look, London, this invention
will make a fortune.
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144. Over a lifetime, people spend an average
of four years on a toilet.
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145. Double that for my grandfather.
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146. But how will it appeal to kids?
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147. Kids love music. They'll play it
no matter what they're doing.
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148. No! This is the sky deck,
not the poop deck!
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149. What did you do,
look for the money in the pool?
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150. No, I sweat when I'm nervous.
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151. Oh! No, no, not on the— Ugh.
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152. I've looked everywhere
except under that bell.
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153. Dang! No dough under the ding.
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154. Look, Kirby, you need
to retrace your steps.
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155. Now, when was the last time
you saw the money?
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156. In the lunchroom,
but I checked and it wasn't there.
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157. I just have to keep looking.
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158. Well, can you look by the ficuses?
They need watering.
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159. I don't know why you guys
even bothered to show up.
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160. London's going to pick my supersuit.
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161. What's so super about tinfoil?
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162. It has the awesome power to bake a potato!
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163. Well, it beats your moldy apples.
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164. - They're dried.
- And your stupid lemon tester.
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165. Well, at least no one went potty
on my invention.
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166. Well, I can rectify that.
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167. - Oh, you want to go?
- Let's go right now.
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168. Hello!
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169. I'm London Tipton,
and welcome to the boardroom.
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170. Now, the moment
you've all been waiting for,
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171. The person getting the million dollars
for their invention is...
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172. If you're trying to read the name
in that notebook,
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173. I think it's pronounced "Zack."
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174. Oh. No, I was just looking at
how cute I am.
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175. There's a mirror in my notebook. See?
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176. She has the attention span of a goldfish.
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177. - London! Over here, girl.
Oh.
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178. Hello, I'm London Tipton,
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179. - and welcome to the—
Boardroom! We know!
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180. Whose invention did you pick?
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181. Look, the truth is I can't decide
which invention I like best.
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182. Look, what am I gonna tell Daddy?
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183. London, your father's on the phone.
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184. Tell him I'm dead!
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185. He heard that. Now stand up!
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186. Ow!
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187. I think he meant "come out from
under the table, then stand up."
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188. - Here.
- No, no, I don't want it! I don't want it!
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189. Stop it! Stop it!
She's right here, Mr. Tipton.
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190. Here. Here, take it.
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191. Hi, Daddy.
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192. I'm not really dead.
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193. Yup, let's enjoy this moment
and not focus on business.
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194. The product idea?
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195. Oh, of course I have it.
I just didn't wanna talk to you
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196. till I have all the details worked out.
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197. Oh, I'll have it done by...
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198. Furfelday.
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199. Oh, it's not a real day?
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200. Okay, Friday it is.
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201. Bye, Daddy.
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202. - London, are you all right?
- Yeah, you're just getting a text.
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203. - Oh. There we go.
- Oh-oh-oh. Ow!
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204. Ooh, sorry. Ah, it's Mother.
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205. No, I do not have a date tonight
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206. because I am married to my job!
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207. I don't know what to do.
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208. Pick my apple-head dolls.
You'll corner the girl market.
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209. No, no, no, pick my supersuit.
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210. Every boy wants a laser death ray.
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211. Come on. It's a flashlight
with a red sock over it.
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212. What boys and girls love is music,
so pick my flushtunes.
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213. I think we can all agree that
my kitchen in a mitt is the best choice.
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214. What kid doesn't want
to whisk in the woods?
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215. Uh, all of them.
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216. I've got it! Guys, guys, I've got it.
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217. There's something great
about each of your inventions,
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218. so you should combine them
into one great big idea
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219. that'll appeal to everyone.
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220. That way, Daddy will love it and me. Yeah.
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221. And how are we supposed to do that?
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222. Beats me. You're the "inventioners."
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223. But hurry up. I need it by Furfelday,
no later than berple o'clock.
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224. Aah! Oh.
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225. Ugh. I— I thought you already looked
through the garbage.
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226. I did. This is from searching Zack's room.
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227. Oh. And still no luck?
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228. Nope, and I even checked
the all-you-can-eat buffet
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229. four times.
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230. In case the million dollars
was under the macaroni.
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231. Oh.
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232. Well, maybe you'll think of something
in the shower.
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233. Oh.
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234. Wow, Kirby.
Look, I know it's Casual Furfelday,
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235. but you might wanna think
about changing your shirt.
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236. I love the hat though.
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237. Thanks. I know I'm kind of a mess,
but you look like a million bucks.
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238. And I would know
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239. because I have been looking
at a million bucks all day,
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240. guarding it just like you asked me to.
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241. Well, good, because I'm on my way
to see my inventificators' inventions,
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242. and I'm gonna need to divide
the money four ways.
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243. As soon as my accountant
does the math on that.
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244. Well, until that time comes,
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245. I will continue to keep
that money safe, sound
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246. and certainly not lost
in a vat of macaroni.
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247. Okey-dokey. Well, see you later.
Oh, you know what?
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248. Maybe you should just
give me the money now.
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249. - No!
- Well, why not?
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250. Because...
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251. Beca— Oh, here's a good one.
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252. You might not be London Tipton.
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253. You might be a thief
in a London Tipton mask.
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254. Ooh, you're right. Good job, Kirby!
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255. London, you busy?
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256. Yes. That's why I'm wearing
a "busy-ness" suit.
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257. Oh. Yes. Look, I have
a million dollar invention of my own
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258. I would like to talk to you about.
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259. Your booger rag?
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260. It's a pocket hanky.
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261. Well, how does that appeal to kids?
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262. I got my first one from my Uncle Cedric
the morning of my 8th birthday.
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263. When did you first get beat up?
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264. That afternoon at my 8th birthday party.
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265. - Not interested.
- Oh, no, but this...
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266. is a mood hanky. Huh?
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267. It changes colors
to reflect how you're feeling.
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268. See? Green means I'm happy.
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269. So is it worth a million bucks?
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270. Ow!
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271. Oh, look! Red is anger.
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272. It works!
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273. Purple is embarrassed? I wanna see that!
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274. Oh, oh! Moseby, take off your shoes
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275. so everyone can see
your tiny little girl feet.
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276. - It works!
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
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277. Ladies
and gentlemen, prepare to be astounded!
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278. - What did we say about the voice?
- Sorry.
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279. - Yeah.
- Presenting... Granny Smith!
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280. The last dancing, cooking,
combat-ready doll you'll ever buy.
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281. Let us demonstrate.
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282. Ooh...
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283. Ah...
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284. She can make you a snack.
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285. - How was the voice? Okay.
- Better.
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286. Have a grilled cheese, sweetie.
You're too thin.
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287. Oh-ho-ho. And you're too kind.
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288. Mmm. Cheesy!
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289. With lots of protein to help you grow.
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290. And she plays your favorite music.
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291. Just flush.
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292. She's cute and cuddly just like grandma,
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293. but she won't spend your inheritance
on lottery tickets and cat food.
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294. Oh, that is so nice.
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295. Unh. Uh, okay, Granny's got a grip.
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296. She can take out 12 city blocks
using rocket launchers
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297. and a high-intensity microwave pulse,
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298. and still have time to make
a nice noodle pudding.
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299. Ooh.
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300. Wow. Thanks.
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301. What else can I cook?
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302. All right, deactivate this killer granny
immediately!
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303. - I'll put it back on cook mode!
Enemy approaching.
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304. Acquired target.
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305. Must make soup.
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306. - Oh, no, no. No! Just hit "stop"!
- It's jammed!
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307. Get into the pot, talking vegetable.
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308. I am not a vegetable! I'm a human being!
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309. Okay, okay! I'm a vegetable!
I'm a vegetable!
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310. Oh! Oh!
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311. Hot! Hot!
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312. - We have to stop her.
- How?
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313. She's got superhuman strength.
She's unstoppable.
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314. Ow! That hurt, you old ba—
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315. Ba— Ba— Ba—
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316. Wow, I haven't seen
a granny fight like this
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317. since my last family reunion.
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318. What am I gonna tell Daddy?
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319. I mean, all that thing can do
is make people soup,
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320. and Daddy's already working on that.
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321. - You!
- Now, now, Mr. Moseby,
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322. simmer down.
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323. Yeah, you look boiling mad.
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324. London, is that you?
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325. - No.
- I hear crying.
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326. London, what's the matter?
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327. I just wanted to prove to Daddy
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328. that I could be a "smarticle"
business-type woman.
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329. I went to the "smarterest" people I know
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330. and all I ended up with was Moseby soup.
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331. It wasn't a picnic for me either.
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332. Actually, I almost was a picnic.
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333. I just don't know what I did wrong.
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334. Oh...
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335. What you did wrong was
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336. you didn't trust your instincts.
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337. Look, London,
you know what people like to buy.
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338. Hmm? I mean, no one's bought
more stuff than you.
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339. That's true.
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340. I have more shoes than Spain.
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341. And you're a trendsetter.
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342. Who was the first to wear
a solid gold bikini?
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343. Me. I sank like a rock,
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344. but I met lots of cute lifeguards
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345. and doctors
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346. and briefly... Elvis.
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347. So instead of trying to figure out
what everyone else likes,
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348. why don't you go with what you like?
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349. Isn't that why your father hired you
to do this in the first place?
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350. You know what? You're right, Moseby.
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351. I'm gonna get myself cleaned up
and get back to work.
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352. What exactly is that?
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353. Oh, it's my makeup notebook.
It looks like I'm studying,
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354. but really, I'm making myself
look more beautiful.
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355. I invented it myself.
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356. Gasp! I'm an "inventorer"!
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357. Kids would love this.
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358. And it's way better
than those other ideas,
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359. especially that stupid mood hanky.
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360. What's it mean when it turns black?
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361. Love.
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362. Aww...
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363. Guys, I have great news.
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364. Daddy loved the product!
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365. - Oh, awesome. Yeah.
Awesome.
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366. - The man's a visionary.
- Oh, not your stupid piece of junk.
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367. He loved my makeup notebook.
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368. The man's an idiot.
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369. Anywho, kids everywhere
will be pretending to study,
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370. learning nothing while looking fabulous.
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371. I couldn't be more proud.
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372. So you brought us here to gloat?
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373. No. Why would I do that?
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374. You realize "gloat" means to make
others feel bad by your success?
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375. Then I guess that is
why I called you in here. Ha-ha-ha!
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376. Gloaty-gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat.
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377. If I don't find that money,
I'm going to jail.
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378. And I can't go to jail.
You only get three meals a day.
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379. Kirby. Kirby, look what I found.
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380. You found the money. Where was it?
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381. - In the staff refrigerator.
- I looked there.
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382. I go in there 10 times a day.
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383. - It was behind the lettuce.
- Oh, that explains it.
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384. Oh, Miss London,
I can imagine how upset you are.
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385. Upset? I'm thrilled.
I heard there's a $100 reward.
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386. Right you are. Here it is.
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387. Yay! Whoo! Oh, oh!
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388. Now on to other business.
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389. Where's that million dollars
I gave you to guard?
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390. Uh... here it is.
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391. Safe and sound.
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392. Thanks, Kirby.
I knew I could depend on you.
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393. Whoa. It feels about 100 short.
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394. Thank goodness that's over.
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395. I have to call Mr. Moseby and tell him.
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396. Mr. Mo— Ooh!
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