1. Welcome aboard the S.S. Tipton.
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2. Oh, Mr. Moseby!
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3. I'm back.
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4. - Oh!
- Oh, it's so good
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5. to see my old boss again.
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6. It's so good to see you again.
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7. Now please put me down.
People can see up my shorts.
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8. Sorry.
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9. Esteban, welcome aboard.
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10. How are things at the Tipton? Stillcrazy?
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11. Actually, since you left,
things have been very calm.
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12. I wonder why.
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13. Oh, little blond peoples!
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14. - Esteban!
- You're here!
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15. - Good to see you.
- We had a pie for you,
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16. but it got caught on someone's face.
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17. Seeing you is gift enough.
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18. Oh, I have some special news.
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19. I have come on board to marry
my sweetheart Francesca...
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20. - Congrat—
- Maria Consuela Gonzalez...
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21. - That's awe—
- Damaso Garcia Ramon...
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22. - Oh, how—
- Lucia Greenberg Gomez.
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23. - I am done.
- Oh.
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24. - I'm so happy for you, man.
- Oh, Mr. Moseby,
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25. I was hoping that you would officiate
at the ceremony.
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26. I would be honored!
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27. Excellent!
What size llama skin do you wear?
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28. Oh. dear.
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29. Would each of you
like to be half a best man?
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30. We would be thrilled.
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31. I'll do everything I can to make sure
you have a wonderful wedding,
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32. complete with the traditions
of your country.
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33. And I'll do everythingl can
to talk you out of it.
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34. So when do we get to meet
the blushing bride?
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35. Oh. Oh.
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36. That's her.
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37. Wow.
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38. She is really... mature.
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39. She must beloaded.
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40. Not that her.
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41. Thather.
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42. The other one is my mother.
She is a saint.
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43. Stand up straight!
Who is your father, Quasimodo?
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44. That's one scary saint.
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45. Oh, Marcus, Bailey, this is our buddy,
Esteban, from the Tipton hotel.
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46. - Hey, nice to meet you.
- Cody's told me a lot about you.
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47. Oh, he has mentioned you too.
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48. You're right.
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49. The light does dance off her hair
in a magical kaleidoscope of wonder.
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50. I condition it with pigs' milk.
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51. Oh, and I am thrilled
to meet you, Mr. L'il Little.
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52. Your song was a huge hit in my country.
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53. That is until your freakishly high voice
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54. made the sheep stop milking
and the village almost starved.
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55. Sorry, my baa-d.
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56. Oh, Miss London!
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57. Esteban! Oh, thank goodness. I am so tired
of carrying that bag around. Whew!
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58. I am no longer a bellhop.
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59. I am now the hotel's assistant
night manager.
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60. Oh, goody! Then, I don't have to tip you.
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61. So, big news, Esteban is going to
get married on the ship.
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62. A wedding? How romantic.
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63. I've always pictured our wedding outdoors
in the sun, surrounded by nature.
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64. Really? Because I've always
pictured our wedding
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65. in the grand hall
of the palace of Wardenburg,
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66. steps from where Einstein was born.
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67. - Outdoors.
- Okay.
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68. This ship is the perfect place for me
and my Francesca to get married,
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69. But, there is only one problem.
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70. - She found out you aren't rich?
- No.
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71. Wait. You found out she isn't rich?
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72. - No.
- Wait. I'm lost. Who isn't rich?
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73. - I've got this. Look, London, spoon!
Shiny!
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74. Continue.
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75. The only problem is
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76. my mother is a little critical
of my Francesca.
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77. How?
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78. Well, she said she'd
rather I marry a donkey.
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79. She even signed me up for
e-haw-harmony.
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80. Well, maybe it's for the best, buddy.
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81. You see,
a single guy is like the mighty hawk,
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82. sailing free in the clouds.
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83. While the married guy
is like the lowly goose:
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84. cooped up and waiting to getslaughtered.
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85. Look, I just cannot get my mother
to accept my Francesca.
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86. Let London and I take your mom and
Francesca to dinner.
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87. Maybe we can help them bond.
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88. Ugh. I hate helping people.
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89. It's your good friend, Esteban.
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90. Eh.
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91. - Come on.
- Wait, but— But, my spoon.
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92. It's shiny.
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93. Well, Esteban, if you're really going
through with this thing,
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94. I think it's about time we talked about
the only good part
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95. in getting married.
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96. The bachelor party. Huh?
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97. Oh!
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98. I like the way you think.
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99. Staying out until all hours.
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100. Getting wild.
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101. - Just us guys.
- Oh, yeah.
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102. Drinking soda after 9:30.
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103. Well, just us guys...
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104. andCody.
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105. All right. I'll see your three peanuts
and raise you 10.
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106. Ooh.
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107. It is to you, Dudley.
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108. All in? Whoo! You are one pollo loco.
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109. Call. Read them and weep.
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110. Full house, kings over queens.
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111. - Wow.
- Man.
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112. - Four of a kind?
Again?
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113. He must be cheating.
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114. All right.
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115. So this is Esteban's
last night of freedom.
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116. So can we move onto the more important
business at hand?
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117. Ah, good idea.
I know for your traditional wedding feast
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118. you wanted a guinea pig brisket,
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119. but I was thinking of going with a nice
chicken cutlet.
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120. Oh, sorry, Dudley.
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121. We'll talk later.
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122. Hey, let's not ruin a good bachelor party
by talking about a wedding.
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123. So I propose a toast.
Gentlemen, raise your juice boxes.
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124. Now, under most circumstances
I find that marriage is amistake.
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125. I mean, one woman
for the rest of your life? No, thank you.
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126. What Zack is trying to say
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127. is that we wish you a lifetime of joy
and love with your beautiful bride.
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128. - Oh.
- Hear, hear!
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129. - Thank you. Gracias.
- And if you change your mind
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130. I know where we can get a speedboat.
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131. All right, now it's time for us guys to do
some guy stuff.
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132. - Oh! Goody, goody, goody!
- All right. Yeah.
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133. Dare I suggest a mean game
of Broadway-musical charades?
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134. Yes!
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135. My Esteban is wonderful. Is he not?
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136. Well, I just met him,
but he seems like a great guy.
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137. Eh.
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138. - Good evening.
- It was.
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139. Uh, Francesca, I love your dress.
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140. Just what my son needs:
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141. a girl who spends all her money
on clothes.
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142. Actually, I made it myself.
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143. Now, she's bragging.
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144. I'm so happy to finally spend time
with you, Señora Ramirez.
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145. - You're always so busy.
- Well...
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146. I need to cook for Esteban,
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147. clean for Esteban
and teach English to Esteban.
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148. Well, that explains a lot.
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149. Cats.
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150. - Wicked.
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151. Evita. A Chorus Line.
Annie. Phantom of the Opera.
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152. Star Wars!
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153. That's not even a musical!
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154. What on earth would make you guess
Star Wars?
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155. I thought you were trying to cut off
your arm with a lightsaber.
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156. That is the stupidest thing
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157. - I've ever heard!
- Why are you yelling at me?
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158. I'm getting married tomorrow!
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159. He's preparing you
for the rest of your life.
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160. It's Fiddler on the Roof.
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161. Thank you.
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162. Dude?
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163. I just wanted to get it over with.
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164. Plus, I'm ahuge Tevye fan.
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165. Oh, the "entertainment" is here.
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166. Guys, get ready to experience
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167. the amazing, the totally awesome...
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168. Coco!
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169. I'm Coco, the party panda!
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170. - Who's the special party boy?
I am! I am!
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171. A panda?
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172. The card said, "Want to party
like a wild animal? Call Coco."
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173. When I said I wantedpandemonium,
this is not what I meant.
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174. Oh, this is the best bachelor party ever.
Thanks, guys.
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175. Esteban. Esteban, Francesca is not—
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176. Why are you hugging a panda?
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177. Tragically,
he's been the highlight of this party.
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178. Esteban...
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179. if you marry this girl,
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180. I will cry until I drown in my own tears.
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181. Somebody needs a lollipop.
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182. Ow! That hurt Coco.
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183. Esteban, I love you.
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184. Tell your mother
we are getting married tomorrow,
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185. no matter what she thinks.
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186. Uh...
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187. Good! The wedding is off!
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188. Have fun.
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189. Oh, this is a disaster!
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190. You're telling me.
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191. I just spent the last six hours
tailoring a llama suit.
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192. Who wants a bear hug?
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193. I have lost the most beautiful girl
in the world.
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194. I'm right here.
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195. I meant my Francesca.
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196. What am I gonna do about my mother?
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197. What your mother needs is
to find something in her life
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198. that gives her joy besides you.
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199. Maybe London and I can help.
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200. Stop volunteering me to help people.
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201. Thank you, Bailey.
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202. In the meantime,
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203. I will go to my Francesca
and beg her forgiveness.
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204. I will fall to my knees.
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205. I will crawl. I will grovel!
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206. It's like you're already married.
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207. I figured out what to do
about Señora Ramirez.
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208. You're gonna throw this water on her
and see if she melts?
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209. Señora Ramirez,
thank you so much for coming.
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210. Is Francesca here?
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211. - No.
- Then, I'll stay.
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212. We thought you might enjoy
a little pampering.
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213. Sit down. We want to give you a mani-pedi.
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214. - Thank you.
- Eww! I'm not gonna touch her feet.
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215. Why not? Has Francesca been telling lies
about my feet?
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216. Of course not.
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217. So sit back, relax,
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218. Tell us a little bit about yourself.
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219. - What are some of your hobbies?
Hmm.
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220. Let's see. Yacht shopping, castle buying,
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221. - yelling at maids—
- Not you.
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222. Señora Ramirez.
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223. Well, I like to cook for Esteban
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224. and clean for Esteban
and take pictures of Esteban.
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225. We got it.
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226. What did you do before Esteban was born?
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227. I did used to play the guitar a little.
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228. - Oh.
Really? I have a guitar.
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229. Wouldn't you love to hear Señora Ramirez
play us something?
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230. If it means I don't have to
shave off this corn, I am all for it.
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231. Here you go.
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232. I really don't think I remember.
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233. Oh, sure you do. Try one little chord.
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234. Ah. I am a little bit rusty.
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235. Wow!
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236. This music makes me feel young.
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237. It makes me want to dance again.
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238. - So dance.
- Okay.
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239. I'll show you flamenco.
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240. One, two, three, four, five, six...
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241. Eww! Foot water.
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242. - Francesca.
- FRANCESCA: Go away!
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243. Well, we tried. Women.
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244. Look, Francesca, I am not leaving here
until you agree to marry me
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245. and I will not take "no" for an answer.
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246. No!
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247. Okay, then can you
slide the ring under the door?
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248. Francesca, you mean the world to me.
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249. And without you in my life,
I have nothing.
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250. Okay, I do have Dudley,
but he doesn't like to cuddle.
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251. Look, I— I just want to make you happy.
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252. Esteban, I cannotbe happy
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253. if your mother will not
accept our marriage.
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254. Youmust stand up to her.
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255. I will do it... for us.
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256. - Oh, Esteban.
- Oh, Francesca.
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257. I've got it! Run!
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258. What is the emergency?
Did someone fall overboard?
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259. Worse. For Esteban's wedding,
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260. we need moccasins made from capybara skin,
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261. but the closest I could find were
some rats in the bilge.
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262. There are rats in the bilge?
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263. Not anymore.
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264. Well, Esteban it looks like they're
setting up for your big event.
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265. You know, it's not too late to jump ship.
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266. Oh, I just hope my mother
doesn't jump ship
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267. when I tell her the wedding is back on.
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268. Look. All I'm saying is
if you harness up with one mare,
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269. you're likely to miss
all the wild fillies that run by.
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270. - Like that one.
- ESTEBAN: Oh, wow.
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271. In my country, we have a word for women
who dance with such fire,
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272. such abandon, and that word is— Mommy?
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273. What are you doing?
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274. Esteban, I'm dancing.
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275. Cuchi-cuchi-cuchi!
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276. You look— You look—
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277. I believe the word you're looking for
is "hot."
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278. - Gracias.
- She is my mother.
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279. The only place she looks hot is
in the kitchen.
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280. Hey! Fiesta!
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281. All right.
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282. Looking good, Esteban.
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283. I just wish I felt good.
I cannot stop worrying about my mother.
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284. I mean, she didn't come home
from her date last night.
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285. I don't even know if she's coming
to the wedding.
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286. Okay, dude, we've gotta talk,
man to man...
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287. to chicken.
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288. Look, you know my feelings about marriage.
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289. That it is the death of all joy.
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290. Exactly.
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291. But, you know you love Francesca
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292. and if you want to have a life with her,
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293. you're gonna have to stop worrying
about your mommy.
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294. - But, my mother means everything—
- Look, I'm gonna tell you something
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295. I've never told anyone.
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296. When our mom came
on the boat to say goodbye,
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297. there was a part of me that said,
"All right! Freedom!"
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298. Oh, I can imagine.
This is a great adventure.
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299. But, there was also a part of me
that said:
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300. "Mommy, don't go!"
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301. I hear you also dropped to your
knees and cried like a little girl.
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302. Cody emailed everybody.
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303. I'm gonna punch him in the neck.
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304. Anyway, my point is, you know,
I had to let go
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305. so I could move on to a new adventure.
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306. Your mom has let go.
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307. Yes, of most of her clothes
and her sanity!
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308. Well, wouldn't you rather she be happy
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309. after you get married
than sitting alone, missing you?
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310. Oh.
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311. I guess.
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312. So go. Get married.
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313. Be happy.
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314. Thank you, Zack.
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315. You know, I think maybe you
really are a romantic.
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316. Don't tell anyone
or I'll punchyou in the neck...
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317. and your little chicken too.
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318. Where's Mr. Moseby? We need our officiant.
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319. I'm not coming out
dressed like this. People will laugh.
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320. Oh, come on. It's a sacred ceremony.
No one will laugh.
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321. Quiet! Or I'll shed on you.
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322. Marcus, cue music.
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323. Sorry, force of habit.
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324. - Boy, can I pick them.
- Beautiful.
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325. Please join hands.
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326. We are gathered here today to join
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327. Esteban-Julia-Ricardo
Montoya de la Rosa-Ramirez
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328. and Francesca Consuela Maria
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329. Gonzalez Damaso Garcia Ramon
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330. Lucia Greenberg Gomez.
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331. Boy, your driver's license must behuge.
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332. Now, if there is anyone
who objects to this union,
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333. speak now or forever hold your peace.
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334. Stop!
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335. Ai-yai-yai. Excuse me. Pardon me.
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336. Mommy, I am sorry, but you are not
going to stop this wedding.
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337. - I am going to marry my Francesca.
- No.
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338. Not until I play a song for you
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339. and... my beautiful new daughter.
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340. Aww.
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341. Okay, the clock is ticking, people.
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342. Unless you like overcooked guinea pig,
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343. - Let's get this show on the road.
- Yeah!
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344. Esteban, Francesca,
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345. do you take each other
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346. to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish
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347. and to protect each other
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348. from... poison spiders, poison snakes,
poison frogs, poison leaves...
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349. We have a lot of poison in my country.
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350. Oh, okay. Well, then,
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351. can I have an "I do"?
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352. I do.
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353. Wonderful. Then, by the power vested in me
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354. and the binka boopa boppa
decapitee boopadee
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355. I now pronounce you husband and wife.
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356. You may kiss the bride.
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357. You know, Cody, after seeing this
beautiful ceremony, I've changed my mind.
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358. I want a big traditional wedding.
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359. Are you kidding?
I'm never going through this again.
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360. - When the time comes, we're eloping.
- Okay.
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361. You know, Dudley, you look good in a tux.
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362. Hey, what's this?
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363. I knew you were cheating.
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364. And now, we throw the llama priest
into the volcano.
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365. What?
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366. But, in this case, the hot tub.
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367. Oh!
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