1. Close your eyes...Copy !req
2. and enter.Copy !req
3. Oh!Copy !req
4. - Okay, you can open your eyes now.
- Oh.Copy !req
5. Ta-da!Copy !req
6. Welcome to the greatest bachelor pad
afloat.Copy !req
7. Huh? Huh?Copy !req
8. Add pizza and a big pile of meringue,
I would never leave.Copy !req
9. Well, you've got to.Copy !req
10. I invited Tiffany down
to play some foosball.Copy !req
11. Nothing impresses a girl
like romantic musicCopy !req
12. and tiny plastic men in shorts.Copy !req
13. - Ooh, cool chair!
- And it reclines.Copy !req
14. Press this button.Copy !req
15. You know what? I think I know what the
problem is. Here, let me help you.Copy !req
16. Um, oops, sorry.
I didn't realize you had company.Copy !req
17. Wait, Tiffany!Copy !req
18. - Wait! Wait, let me go!
- No! I'm scared of the chair!Copy !req
19. And this is the boys' dorm,Copy !req
20. your room here.
I'm sure you'll be quite comfortable.Copy !req
21. - Well, thank you, sir.
Oh!Copy !req
22. Marcus, I am the manager of the ship.Copy !req
23. I couldn't possibly—
Sweet mama, you're a good tipper!Copy !req
24. Right this way.Copy !req
25. I'm sure it's not as luxurious
as what you're used to, but—Copy !req
26. Holy makeover! What happened in here?Copy !req
27. Not bad.Copy !req
28. And how did you know I love foosball?Copy !req
29. Oh, well, who doesn't? I mean, Ha-ha!Copy !req
30. There's a ball and then you—
You "foos" it.Copy !req
31. Oh, that's my old recliner.
I wonder what that's doing in here.Copy !req
32. Oh! Ho, ho, ho!Copy !req
33. I don't know why I ever got rid of you.Copy !req
34. Okay!
- I'm guessing that's the reason.Copy !req
35. - Hey.
Hey.Copy !req
36. Excuse me. What are you doing in my room?Copy !req
37. Your room? No, this is my room.Copy !req
38. Really?Copy !req
39. You see, because I've lived here
for a year and a halfCopy !req
40. and I think I would've noticed you.Copy !req
41. Zack Martin,
meet your new roommate Marcus Little.Copy !req
42. Roommate?Copy !req
43. All right, cut the chit-chat!
My name tag is piercing my heart!Copy !req
44. Okay. Oh, there it is.Copy !req
45. Thank you.Copy !req
46. The trick is to make a short,
but precise throwCopy !req
47. aimed just above the bull's-eyeCopy !req
48. so that the dart's parabolic trajectory
will take it directly to its mark.Copy !req
49. That's a bull's-eye, if you were trying
to hit Margaret's mole.Copy !req
50. I suppose you can do better?Copy !req
51. Well, I can try. Although I've never
really played darts before.Copy !req
52. Never?Copy !req
53. Well, we never had a fancy
board like this one,Copy !req
54. but one summer, our screen door broke
and we used darts to get rid of the flies.Copy !req
55. You killed flies with darts?Copy !req
56. No! I didn't have the heart to kill them,
so I just winged them and set them free.Copy !req
57. - Want to play another game?
- Nope.Copy !req
58. I mean, the nerve of this guy.Copy !req
59. He takes half of my dresser,Copy !req
60. half of the bathroom
and one of the two beds.Copy !req
61. That's called sharing.Copy !req
62. Oh, you know what? I don't want to share.Copy !req
63. I earned that room.Copy !req
64. Ha! No, you didn't.
You just somehow convinced MosebyCopy !req
65. that Bailey was a girl,
so I got stuck with a stupid roommate.Copy !req
66. I'm stupid? This from the girl who got
trapped on a stalled escalator.Copy !req
67. "Help! The magic stairs are broken!"Copy !req
68. Hey, it was a terrifying 48 hours.Copy !req
69. No, terrifying is having some creepy guy
shoved in your room mid-semester.Copy !req
70. Hey, Zack.Copy !req
71. Hey, Marcus!Copy !req
72. I was just telling everybody how happy
I am to have a new roommate.Copy !req
73. Marcus, I'd like you to meet London,
Woody, Bailey and Cody, my clone,Copy !req
74. which is why he has no personality.Copy !req
75. Hi, Marcus.Copy !req
76. Nice to meet you all. Zack,
I was looking at my class schedule.Copy !req
77. Where it says "lunch," do we actually eatCopy !req
78. or is that a class
where we learn about lunch?Copy !req
79. It's where we eat.Copy !req
80. Oh, cool.Copy !req
81. What?Copy !req
82. So, Marcus, where did you live before?Copy !req
83. Well, um, here, there and everywhere.Copy !req
84. Ooh, what's "everywhere"
like this time of year?Copy !req
85. Warm, but breezy.Copy !req
86. You know, you remind me of someone.Copy !req
87. Well, Denzel and I
get that all the time.Copy !req
88. See ya.Copy !req
89. You see? there's something weird
about that guy.Copy !req
90. He's moved around a lot, he's evasive.Copy !req
91. I've got it. I've got it.Copy !req
92. He's in the witness protection program.
Probably a mob kid, yeah.Copy !req
93. Uh, Woody, he doesn't exactly look
like a wiseguy.Copy !req
94. Well, that's the point.Copy !req
95. - They give you a whole new look!
- Yeah.Copy !req
96. Yeah, but that doesn't explain why he's
never seen a high school schedule.Copy !req
97. He's probably been home-schooled
like my cousins, the Pitsnoggles.Copy !req
98. Although there's 23 of them,Copy !req
99. so it's just like
going to a regular school.Copy !req
100. Of course, the prom was creepy.Copy !req
101. - Found what you're looking for?
- Nope.Copy !req
102. Uh, here it is. Mind if I borrow this?Copy !req
103. "Ebony sheen?"Copy !req
104. Well, yeah, for when it gets humid
outside, my— My hair:Copy !req
105. Whoo!Copy !req
106. Look, if there's something you want
to know about me, just ask.Copy !req
107. Are you in the witness protection program?Copy !req
108. No, but my mom's a cop
and my dad's a judge.Copy !req
109. Touch my stuff again and I'll get you
arrested and locked upCopy !req
110. with one phone call.Copy !req
111. Gotcha.Copy !req
112. Oh look, a ping-pong table.Copy !req
113. - Want to play?
- Sure.Copy !req
114. - Here you go.
- That's okay.Copy !req
115. I've got "King-Pong."Copy !req
116. Wow. That's almost as cool
as your custom-made pancake-flipper:Copy !req
117. "Count Spatula."Copy !req
118. Let's play.Copy !req
119. Wow!Copy !req
120. - Nice shot.
- Ah, yeah.Copy !req
121. It's all in the wrist. I could, uh,
I could slow it down if you want me to.Copy !req
122. Oh, no. Don't go easy on me.Copy !req
123. And I won't go easy on you.Copy !req
124. Don't tell me. You also
swatted flies with ping-pong paddles.Copy !req
125. No. Locusts.Copy !req
126. Hello? Oh, hey, Addison.Copy !req
127. Oh, nothing, just playing a game
of ping-pong with Cody.Copy !req
128. - Oh, Addison says "hi."
Hey!Copy !req
129. Hey, if you want to take a break,
it's okay with me.Copy !req
130. I don't need a break!Copy !req
131. I wish that wasn't hot tea!Copy !req
132. Wow, London. You're really into this game.Copy !req
133. No. I'm just testing my earrings
for dangliness.Copy !req
134. Ooh, ooh, ooh!Copy !req
135. Did you drop another fish
down your shorts?Copy !req
136. Yes, but that's not why I'm here.Copy !req
137. - I know who Zack's roommate really is.
- Who?Copy !req
138. Marcus Little is grammy-winning
recording sensation Li'l Little.Copy !req
139. I loved him. I slept on him every night.Copy !req
140. Huh?Copy !req
141. Oh, I had his sheets.Copy !req
142. Are you sure?Copy !req
143. Pretty sure,
though they could've been Gary Coleman.Copy !req
144. They were pretty faded.
mama bought them at a swap meet.Copy !req
145. I was talking to Woody.Copy !req
146. I found him on the internet.Copy !req
147. Check it out. Recognize anybody?Copy !req
148. I knew I'd seen him before.Copy !req
149. We used to eat his TV dinners:
Li'l Little Vittles.Copy !req
150. I can't believe I didn't recognize him.Copy !req
151. Well, maybe because Li'l Little isn't
so little anymore.Copy !req
152. - You guessed it.Copy !req
153. And that's why my record label dumped me.Copy !req
154. So now you know who I am.Copy !req
155. Happy?Copy !req
156. Wow! A rock star
and in the witness protection program!Copy !req
157. He's led a full life!Copy !req
158. Hey, Marcus, I know you're upset,Copy !req
159. but it doesn't mean you have to leave.Copy !req
160. Oh, I'm not. These are your clothes.Copy !req
161. You know what? What's so wrong
with everyone knowing you're Li'l Little?Copy !req
162. I just wanted to start out fresh.Copy !req
163. Once people figure out who I am,
they start asking for favorsCopy !req
164. and all sorts of other stuff:
autographs, pictures, tickets to concerts.Copy !req
165. - Can you get me in to see Beyonce?
- You mean B?Copy !req
166. - Yeah.
- No.Copy !req
167. No, you know what? I get it.Copy !req
168. You're tired of having people ask you:Copy !req
169. "How cool it was to be a rock star."Copy !req
170. Exactly.Copy !req
171. So how cool was it?Copy !req
172. It wasn't all perks, believe me.Copy !req
173. It was hard work,
late nights, long road trips,Copy !req
174. then waking up and doing it
all over again the next morning.Copy !req
175. So it wasn't fun having all those
girls throw themselves at you?Copy !req
176. Well now, that part was fun.Copy !req
177. And it wasn't great making all that money?Copy !req
178. No, the money was good too.Copy !req
179. So I'm having a little trouble
seeing the downside here.Copy !req
180. The downside is I never got to be a kid
and hang out with other kids.Copy !req
181. Well, Marcus...Copy !req
182. Heaven's light has
shined upon you once again...Copy !req
183. For it has brought you to me.Copy !req
184. Okay, now I'm not seeing the upside.Copy !req
185. We are going to have 15 years of childhood
fun in one day, starting now.Copy !req
186. Put on your diapers.Copy !req
187. What's fun about that?Copy !req
188. When you jump in the pool, they puff up.Copy !req
189. Okay, Cody, I am tired
of all these silly games.Copy !req
190. Me too.Copy !req
191. That's why I've entered us
in a serious competition.Copy !req
192. All right, boys and girls,
time for a little Simon Says.Copy !req
193. What's next, Duck, Duck, Goose?Copy !req
194. You'd like that, wouldn't you, farm girl?Copy !req
195. - London.
- Who's Simon?Copy !req
196. - I am.
- But I thought you were Moseby.Copy !req
197. No, I'm his twin brother Simon.Copy !req
198. Wait, so if you say to do something,Copy !req
199. - am I supposed to do it?
- Look, if Simon says it, you do it.Copy !req
200. If not, you don't.Copy !req
201. What is this, chess? It's so complicated.Copy !req
202. - Let's do this!
- Okay.Copy !req
203. Simon says, "raise your hands."Copy !req
204. Now, put them down.
Oh, London, you're out.Copy !req
205. - But wait, Simon said it.
- No, he didn't.Copy !req
206. But, he's Simon and he told me
to put my hands down.Copy !req
207. Ah, but I didn't say "Simon says put
your hands down."Copy !req
208. Ah, see?Copy !req
209. Well, I don't see because Simon didn't
say "see," see?Copy !req
210. London, go to your room.Copy !req
211. - But you didn't say—
- Simon says, "go to your room!"Copy !req
212. - No, not you!
- You're just as cranky as your brother.Copy !req
213. Howard was a wonderful grandfather
and father and husband.Copy !req
214. - As an avid sailor, he wanted nothing moreCopy !req
215. - than to spend eternity...
Gangway!Copy !req
216. Aah!Copy !req
217. on the shuffleboard court.Copy !req
218. Coming through!
What are you boys, 5?Copy !req
219. Yes!
- Just stop!Copy !req
220. - You didn't say "Simon says!"
- Oh!Copy !req
221. That's it! The game is over.Copy !req
222. - Clear the deck!
Aw.Copy !req
223. He didn't say "Simon says." I win!Copy !req
224. But— Yeah, but—Copy !req
225. Z-dog to Woodchuck.
Do you have eyes on the target?Copy !req
226. Negatory. Wait! Wait, wait, wait!Copy !req
227. - The target is approaching.
And then our next stopCopy !req
228. is either Transylvania or Pennsylvania.Copy !req
229. Which one has vampires?Copy !req
230. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
231. Why are we throwing water balloons
at one of the hottest girls on the boat?Copy !req
232. Because when you're 9-years old,
girls have cooties.Copy !req
233. I don't care if that cutie's got a cootie.Copy !req
234. Fire at will!Copy !req
235. You're right.
I'd better go get the garlic.Copy !req
236. Oh!Copy !req
237. Wrong target, abort! Abort!Copy !req
238. Oh!Copy !req
239. Woody!Copy !req
240. - Hi.
- Run!Copy !req
241. - What about Woody?
- Collateral damage.Copy !req
242. What ever happened
to "no man left behind"?Copy !req
243. Well, we're 12 now,
and it's all about sports.Copy !req
244. When do I get to care about girls?Copy !req
245. We're actually doing this to impress
girls. We just don't know that yet.Copy !req
246. So, let's play a little three-on-three.Copy !req
247. Yes!Copy !req
248. Hey, London, I love the spangles.Copy !req
249. - Oh, thank you.
- Marcus!Copy !req
250. Snap out of it.
We're not into girls until after dinner.Copy !req
251. Hey, I mature fast
and I'm guarding London.Copy !req
252. I'll take Bailey.Copy !req
253. All right, then the teams
are me, London and CodyCopy !req
254. against Marcus, Bailey and Woody.Copy !req
255. All right, a little help, a little help,Copy !req
256. a little— Okay, yeah, let's go.Copy !req
257. - All right, London.
Huh?Copy !req
258. - Take the ball out and pass it to me.
- Okay.Copy !req
259. I'm open right here. Come on, London!Copy !req
260. London, why did you pass it to him?Copy !req
261. - He's on the other team.
- He thinks I'm cute.Copy !req
262. Yes, I do.Copy !req
263. Give me the rock! I've got a mismatch!Copy !req
264. The only thing you're
going to miss is the basket.Copy !req
265. You just got posterized, son!Copy !req
266. All right, Cody, pick up
what's left of your prideCopy !req
267. and let's get that one back.Copy !req
268. You just got lucky.
This time, I'm gonna take you to the hole.Copy !req
269. I think I got most of you, Howard.Copy !req
270. Oh!Copy !req
271. Can we have Howard
on our team instead of Cody?Copy !req
272. Wow, Zack. Who knew practical
jokes could be this much fun?Copy !req
273. Hey, what do you think will happen
when the girls do the sit and splash?Copy !req
274. They'll dry off and look for who did it.Copy !req
275. Oh, we should really get rid of
this evidence. Where should we put it?Copy !req
276. Cody's room.Copy !req
277. Ow!Copy !req
278. Who did that?Copy !req
279. - Woody!
- Huh?Copy !req
280. Get him!Copy !req
281. Let's go.Copy !req
282. - Whoo!
- Man, these last few yearsCopy !req
283. have been the best day of my life.Copy !req
284. Really? Better than when you won a Grammy?Copy !req
285. Okay, second-best.Copy !req
286. And you will be happy to know
that now we're 15 and we're into girls.Copy !req
287. Finally.Copy !req
288. By the way, Tiffany, my true love...Copy !req
289. Of the week...Copy !req
290. would go crazy over
an autograph from Li'l Little.Copy !req
291. Oh.Copy !req
292. Yeah, she's a big fan
and she will love it.Copy !req
293. and more importantly, she'll love me.Copy !req
294. Uh-huh.Copy !req
295. I got this little puppy off the internet.Copy !req
296. Sign it, "Big, big hugs from Li'l Little."Copy !req
297. It's clever, huh?Copy !req
298. I should've known better.Copy !req
299. Known what?Copy !req
300. The only reason you hung out with me todayCopy !req
301. was so you could use me
just like everyone else.Copy !req
302. - That's not true.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
303. So you don't care if I don't
give you the autograph?Copy !req
304. - Absolutely not.
- Good.Copy !req
305. Why not?Copy !req
306. You just don't get it, do you?Copy !req
307. Get what?Copy !req
308. This was my whole life.Copy !req
309. "Little, I know you're eating, but please,
can you just sign this picture?"Copy !req
310. "Little, I know we're in church, but
please, could you just sing that song?"Copy !req
311. "Little, I know you just broke your leg
on a skiing trip,Copy !req
312. but please, could you just
bust that move?"Copy !req
313. People always want something.Copy !req
314. You know what? you were much cooler
when you were 7!Copy !req
315. Wow, you spend 15 years with a guy
and you think you know him!Copy !req
316. Evening, Marcus.Copy !req
317. A penny for your thoughts.Copy !req
318. I think I'm standing on Howard.Copy !req
319. Sorry, Howard.Copy !req
320. Well, you seemed to be having
a wonderful time today.Copy !req
321. I knew you would enjoy being on this ship.Copy !req
322. Next port, I want off.Copy !req
323. What did Zack do?Copy !req
324. He wanted me to give him
an autograph for some girl.Copy !req
325. That's it?Copy !req
326. None of you get this. He was using me.Copy !req
327. Zack uses everybody!Copy !req
328. Yeah, well, that's all I ever
got when I was Li'l Little.Copy !req
329. And that's what I came
out here to get away from.Copy !req
330. I can't believe he pretended
to be my friend.Copy !req
331. Okay, all right. Look,Copy !req
332. Marcus, I know that Zack
has some faults...Copy !req
333. a lot of faults.Copy !req
334. More than there are
stars in the heavens...Copy !req
335. on a crystal clear night,Copy !req
336. from the highest point in the—Copy !req
337. Speaking of point, can we get to yours?Copy !req
338. Yes, my point isCopy !req
339. that Zack wouldn't steal toilet seats
with just anyone.Copy !req
340. You know we did that?Copy !req
341. I do now.Copy !req
342. - You are good.
- Hmm.Copy !req
343. Look, Marcus, I know this must be
a difficult transition for you,Copy !req
344. - but you have to realize—
- Oh, no, it's easy being a has-been at 15.Copy !req
345. You're not a has-been.Copy !req
346. You are a yet-to-be.Copy !req
347. - You think?
- I know.Copy !req
348. Just because your career
as Li'l Little is over for you,Copy !req
349. it doesn't mean it's over for your fans.Copy !req
350. I mean, you can't really blame them
for wanting your autograph.Copy !req
351. You're one of them, aren't you?Copy !req
352. Yes, I am! Oh, boy!Copy !req
353. I just loved your song "Retainer Baby."Copy !req
354. I do it to the treadmill every morning.Copy !req
355. I do
and then I walk,Copy !req
356. retainer baby!
Hey, baby, retainer baby!Copy !req
357. I require that wire!Copy !req
358. Say Li'l Little! Say Li'l Little!Copy !req
359. Say Li'l Little and then you do the
little—Copy !req
360. - Okay, okay.
- Say Li'l Little!Copy !req
361. Okay, okay, okay.
Uh, if I give you an autograph,Copy !req
362. - will you stop?
- Oh, yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
363. If you could just sign it to Marion.Copy !req
364. Is that your mother?Copy !req
365. Why, yes. Yes, it is. Okay.Copy !req
366. Hey, Tiffany!Copy !req
367. I got something for you. You see?Copy !req
368. Li'l Little signed it
just like I promised.Copy !req
369. That's not how he spells his name.Copy !req
370. And I recognize your handwritingCopy !req
371. from Tutweiller's gallery
of fake doctor's notes.Copy !req
372. By the way, you can't
donate a brain and live.Copy !req
373. Okay okay, I can explain.Copy !req
374. I— I—
I wanted to sign it in personCopy !req
375. for my buddy, Zack.Copy !req
376. Hey, thanks, buddy.Copy !req
377. Aw, don't mention it.Copy !req
378. Well, I'd better get out of here,
that way when she wakes up,Copy !req
379. she'll settle for you.Copy !req
380. Marcus, this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.Copy !req
381. I might also need a signed CD.Copy !req
382. You got it.
I'm gonna throw in a lunchbox too.Copy !req
383. Here, I thought you could use an ice pack.Copy !req
384. Thanks.Copy !req
385. I can't believe I couldn't
beat you at anything.Copy !req
386. I'm really sorry you hurt your arm.Copy !req
387. It's not your fault.Copy !req
388. I was the one who kept
trying to beat you at something.Copy !req
389. Like it would prove my manliness.Copy !req
390. You did win the most important thing.Copy !req
391. In what world is a participant ribbon for
Simon Says the most important thing?Copy !req
392. I was talking about my heart.Copy !req
393. Oh, that is good.Copy !req
394. - Ow, ow, ow!
- Sorry.Copy !req
395. Yeah, that— That hurts.Copy !req
396. So no more competition?Copy !req
397. Agreed.Copy !req
398. Race you to the juice bar!Copy !req