The Sopranos 5x8

1. - New York's only classic rock station, Q-1043.

2. - Look at this.

3. The house sang out to us of both Miami and Taormina

4. where we had our honeymoon.

5. Nicole said, let's buy it.

6. - Can just about smell the salt.

7. - You mean the painting or the view?

8. - Both.

9. - That's called the "trumpay la oil."

10. Fool the eye.

11. It was done by an artist right over here in West Hempstead.

12. - I'll be damned.

13. - Follow me, Jerry.

14. This little bitch is for you.

15. It's a Whirlpool Duet.

16. Top of the line. Same as mine.

17. Nicole is head over heels with it.

18. - This is above and beyond, Carmine.

19. - Well, thank my father, too, may he rest in peace.

20. This is for Freeport.

21. It's a token.

22. - You know it's my understanding, Carmine,

23. that Johnny's still sore about that.

24. - That's why I appreciate your support.

25. I'm moved up here now.

26. You and me are gonna do great things together.

27. - Amen.

28. - Daddy! Daddy!

29. The boat is sinking!

30. - Carmine! My God!

31. - I just sailed her up from Miami three weeks ago.

32. She was fine.

33. - You should call the coast guard, Carmine.

34. - Whoa!

35. Oh! Ow!

36. - Oh, shit.

37. It's okay, take it easy.

38. - After all these years of marriage,

39. you know what you find yourself thinking

40. in your private moments...

41. Please, God, let me die first.

42. I don't wanna miss him.

43. - Well, he's gonna be all right.

44. - You're lucky.

45. In some way, you've been spared that.

46. Well, you and Tony calling it quits now.

47. Maybe we should cancel the party.

48. - Maybe he'll be fine by his birthday.

49. You know he's turning 75, Ma, that's a milestone.

50. - Ooh.

51. - He's got some bruising.

52. Very lucky man.

53. Those hedges broke his fall.

54. But a few days of rest and he should be fine.

55. The neurologist is giving him a final look,

56. and then you can take him home.

57. - Thank you so much, Doctor.

58. - You're welcome. - Thank God.

59. Ooh.

60. His roofing days are over, I'll tell you that right now.

61. - I guess, huh?

62. - So, uh, what do you think about the party?

63. - Jeez, Ma, I...

64. well, I think we should go for it.

65. - Well, what do you think about inviting Tony?

66. - Well, that's the thing.

67. I don't know if I should or not.

68. - Everybody would understand if you didn't.

69. You're separated. - I know, I know.

70. But just the idea of having a family party

71. in the backyard without Tony there manning the grill,

72. playing host, it wouldn't be the same.

73. - Shh. It's gonna be okay, baby.

74. - Why don't they take care of this man?

75. - I think it's a very wise decision.

76. - What decision? I haven't made one.

77. - I thought I heard you say that you had.

78. That he wasn't coming.

79. - Maserati.

80. Kinda draws attention, no?

81. - Ah, true.

82. Friends of ours, most of 'em, probably wouldn't own it.

83. It was always a dream of mine

84. to own a fine Italian sports car.

85. - A salut' then.

86. And in the guinea gray it, uh, looks fantastic.

87. - Tops out a 176 miles per hour.

88. Standing quarter, 13 and change.

89. - How many horses? - 390.

90. - What'd that set you back about, uh...

91. - 99 and change.

92. - You're spendin' like you're already on the throne.

93. - Had a good year. - Oh, God bless.

94. - While we're doin' car talk here, Phil...

95. Madonna mi', he won't let that thing go.

96. - He owed me money and he was duckin' me.

97. - Look, I'm not sayin' you're wrong.

98. Phil treats nickels like manhole covers.

99. Believe me, I know.

100. But the captains loyal to me need to know

101. I stand behind them right now.

102. Fuckin' Little Carmine.

103. This asshole's givin' away washing machines.

104. You believe that?

105. - He don't have collision insurance, fuckin' Phil?

106. - His son-in-law's a broker.

107. They let it lapse lookin' for a better rate.

108. - Fuckin' idiot.

109. - Tony, I ruled in your favor.

110. The racetrack.

111. The money Philly owed you.

112. - Well, if I'm payin' for it,

113. we do it at Pussy's or we don't do it at all.

114. His wife's runnin' the body shop now.

115. So I can at least control expenses.

116. - Thanks.

117. Come on. Get in, take ya for a ride.

118. Fuckin' thing's so powerful,

119. I had to take a lesson from the dealer last night.

120. - Pretty low.

121. How does Ginny like the car?

122. - She loves it.

123. But she hasn't driven with me yet.

124. With her knee,

125. she has a little trouble gettin' into the seat.

126. - Oh.

127. Whoa.

128. - Tony. Hi.

129. - Hey, Ang'. How are ya?

130. - Good.

131. - Listen, a friend of mine banged up his car pretty good

132. so I was thinkin', you know,

133. maybe help us both out

134. and, uh, throw a little business your way.

135. - You didn't need to come down.

136. You just could've phoned me.

137. - The thing is, I gotta pay for the repairs.

138. Long story.

139. I distracted him while he was drivin'.

140. Anyway, the point bein' that, uh,

141. anything you can do to keep costs in line,

142. would be a big help to me.

143. Well, you look like you're doin' pretty good

144. since we had that phone call, uh,

145. you know, you asked me could you take over Puss's body shop.

146. - Thank you for that, Tony.

147. You didn't have to say yes,

148. with all the other kinda business you do through here.

149. - Uh, anyway, his name is Phil,

150. and, uh, Carmela sends her love.

151. - Please say hello...

152. - Finally.

153. I left a message I was gonna come by.

154. - Well, I got in late.

155. Girl called in sick.

156. - You should get a new one.

157. - Have a seat.

158. May I get you anything?

159. How's your father?

160. - Much better.

161. - Oh, thanks.

162. - He'll be fine for the party, thank God.

163. Well, that's good.

164. What party?

165. - 75th birthday?

166. You know, the surprise party we talked about last summer?

167. - Oh, yeah, that's comin' up?

168. - Yeah, next Saturday. - Oh.

169. - But actually that's why I wanted to come by.

170. 'Cause I think maybe it would be best...

171. be easier, anyway, for both of us, if uh...

172. If I went at it alone.

173. And not have you there.

174. - Oh, yeah.

175. - Uh, you know my father would love to have you there,

176. you know he's crazy about your sausages

177. and all the rest of it, but...

178. I thought, uh, you know, why put us and...

179. and people in an uncomfortable situation.

180. - Well, I decided right away

181. when we broke up I wasn't comin'.

182. - Really?

183. I'm so glad you understand.

184. It was hard for me to come to this decision,

185. let alone tell you.

186. - Well, I'd like to contribute, anyway.

187. - No, Mom and I are taking care of it.

188. - For Hugh's 75th? I insist.

189. - You know, I would rather see you go back to your therapist.

190. - I'd like to see you go to a therapist.

191. And I'm not the only one.

192. - Oh, really? - Mm.

193. - Well, you can tell them all that I can't afford it.

194. - Well, it's not really your business anymore,

195. whether I go or what!

196. - Brought you some Danish and coffee.

197. - Fuckin' medication. I can't think.

198. Can't stay awake.

199. - It don't have that side effect.

200. But it'll help your outlook

201. if you take it consistently like you're supposed to.

202. What's on?

203. - It said in the guide it's an Italian movie.

204. But even with the captions, I can't tell what's what.

205. They had Jesus hangin' off a helicopter.

206. But you could tell it was a dummy.

207. - You know who I saw at the bakery?

208. - How the fuck could I know?

209. - Rosalie Aprile.

210. Said they're havin' a surprise party

211. for Carmela's father next week.

212. He's gonna be 75.

213. You get an invite?

214. - No, but we go way back to when Moses wore short pants.

215. I better call Hugh.

216. Tell him not to expect me.

217. - It's a surprise party, Jun'.

218. - What, are we children?

219. Anyway, at our age it's enough surprise

220. we're still alive every morning.

221. What city and state, please?

222. - In West Orange.

223. DeAngelis, Hugo.

224. - The call can automatically be completed by pressing one,

225. for an additional charge of.35¢.

226. - What the fuck. It's over anyhow.

227. - Hello?

228. - Hugo, como esta?

229. - Who is this?

230. - Corrado Soprano.

231. - Oh, ho ho ho.

232. Corrado. How are ya?

233. - How am I.

234. I'm a prisoner in my own home, Hugh,

235. is how I am.

236. What do we live for?

237. - Yeah.

238. - Anyhow, I wanted to wish you a buona fortuna,

239. and also send you my regrets.

240. I'd love to be at your jubilee.

241. - Junior.

242. - Jubilee?

243. - But the federal government says I can't leave the house,

244. and my family keeps me sedated.

245. Bobby told me it was a surprise party

246. but I told him, I go,

247. at our age it's enough surprise

248. every day when we get up in the mornin', right?

249. - Oh, I suppose so.

250. - So happy birthday, my friend, and many more.

251. Arrivederci.

252. - To think, when I got outta the joint,

253. I thought an airbag was Paulie Walnuts.

254. - How'd we do this week?

255. - Good.

256. The Acura dealer, what's his name,

257. he took 20 units.

258. Carlo gave me the okay to make

259. some personnel changes at the warehouse.

260. - Your call.

261. - I don't know. The airbag thing.

262. It earns good.

263. It's not hard work, Christ knows, but...

264. - But what?

265. - Think I could be of a lot more service

266. to you in other areas.

267. And gettin' straightened out wouldn't hurt neither.

268. - Just eat what's on your plate right now.

269. I mean, Christ, what's it been, a month?

270. - I'm a team player, cousin.

271. I'm Charlie Hustle.

272. If that's what you want, I'll do it.

273. - Look.

274. If you need some money...

275. - Get the fuck outta here.

276. - All right.

277. Let's go get a drink.

278. - What should I get Hugh DeAngelis for his birthday?

279. I was thinkin' cigars but then I figured

280. you were probably gonna bring some.

281. - Well, actually I decided not to go.

282. In light of the situation, I went, I saw Carm,

283. I told her I thought it'd be best if I sit it out.

284. - Hi, Phil. Joe.

285. - Where's your brother-in-law, doll?

286. - I wouldn't know.

287. - Hey, Phillip, how the hell are ya?

288. How's the neck?

289. - Where's the car?

290. - We all passed a lotta water since the old days, huh?

291. - I was away when all that shit went down with your brother.

292. What the fuck happened?

293. - We don't like to talk about it.

294. - Your car's in here, Phil.

295. - It's all set.

296. - What the fuck is this?

297. - It was a front-end collision, Phil.

298. - This new paint isn't as brilliant.

299. - It's factory paint, same as original.

300. - It is different, it's duller.

301. Something's off with the seat.

302. - What is it, Phil?

303. - Feels off kilter.

304. Try it, Joey.

305. - You're right; it's off its axis.

306. - It reclines strange too.

307. Try it.

308. - Nobody said anything about the seats.

309. - This is unacceptable.

310. Come on, Joey.

311. Give me a call when you get the job done, all right?

312. - A couple of days, Phil.

313. - Phil, we did what was asked of us.

314. - Call me when it's done right.

315. - So Dad,

316. how does dinner at Vesuvio's sound

317. for your birthday next week?

318. - Just us.

319. We'll come here first for the presents,

320. and then we'll go over there.

321. - Sure, sure.

322. That sounds fine.

323. - Did somebody tell you something?

324. - I know all about it.

325. You can save the cloak and dagger.

326. - AJ.

327. - Huh, what?

328. - Junior Soprano told me all about it.

329. - That miserable fucking man.

330. - Ugh!

331. - You don't know the half.

332. - Relax.

333. I'm fine with knowin'.

334. At my age, it's surprise enough

335. to be able to get outta bed every morning.

336. So who's comin' to this shindig?

337. - God damn him!

338. - All of us, your brother, Lester, Dr. Fegoli...

339. - Russ Fegoli? He's in town?

340. - He retired from the foreign service.

341. - But they were livin' out in Marin Country or wherever.

342. - Well, they settled on Jersey.

343. Octavia, the oldest, lives here.

344. - Wait, who's Dr. Fago?

345. - Fegoli. Feg.

346. - She of the five-page Christmas card.

347. "And on Flag Day,

348. Papa Russ shook hands with Andrew Cuomo..."

349. What an honor. B.F.D.

350. - The Fegoli kids finished college.

351. That's what sticks in your craw.

352. - What sticks in my craw is that

353. when he got that medal

354. you two weren't even invited to the ceremony.

355. - It was out in California.

356. They knew that your father

357. doesn't like to be out of his element.

358. Now, here's someone we can all be proud of, Anthony.

359. Dr. Fegoli served in the state department.

360. In Rome, he was career assistant

361. to the ambassador to the Vatican.

362. He got a medal from the Pope himself.

363. - Wow.

364. - But when we were kids together in the Navy,

365. he had such a bad case of the crabs

366. we used to call him the governor of Maryland.

367. - Hey, Hugh, stop acting like a child.

368. - Oh, lighten up. He's old enough to hear.

369. - She's right, knock it off.

370. - Who else is comin'?

371. - Freddy Di Novi...

372. - Tony'll love him.

373. Who else?

374. - Dad, Tony isn't coming to the party.

375. - Why won't he come?

376. - Well, I felt that, uh, since we're separated,

377. we should get used to the idea of living separate lives.

378. - Oh, that's a crock a shit.

379. - Hugh, don't talk to her like that.

380. This is very difficult for her.

381. - I've known the man for 20-something years!

382. It's his house! How's it gonna look?

383. - I talked to Tony about it; he's in agreement with me.

384. - Because you put the screws to him.

385. - Fine, I'll cancel the party.

386. - Go right the hell ahead because I'm not comin'

387. if the man of the house isn't there.

388. - Yeah?

389. - Tony, it's Angie.

390. We did all the repairs you said on Phil's car.

391. He came today and now he found a dent in the rear.

392. His seat, there's a problem with that.

393. - His seat?

394. - I didn't wanna get into these extras

395. without checking with you.

396. - Ang', honey, you wanna run a body shop, run a body shop.

397. You said could you claim your piece of the garage.

398. So you wanna be a woman in business,

399. then do what you think the situation calls for.

400. - I just wanna put my kids through college.

401. - That's a good thing, Ang'.

402. You know some women left alone like that would've given up.

403. - Tony, before I outlay for these costs,

404. yeah, I need to know...

405. - Ang', I'm not there, what do I know?

406. It's your call.

407. - Ton'? What's up?

408. - Pussy's body shop is one of your stops, right?

409. Well they're fixin' the fuckin' Shah of Iran's car.

410. Uh, can you be there when he picks it up?

411. Make sure he's happy,

412. but don't let the shit spiral out of control.

413. - Right. I'll take care of it.

414. - Thanks.

415. On my way to Welsh Farms, get a triple blueberry sundae.

416. - Good for you.

417. Enjoy.

418. - Hot summer night.

419. - Go for it. You deserve it.

420. - All right, yeah. I'll talk to ya later.

421. - Opus. - Fine choice.

422. - Angelo, here, spoke very highly of you

423. and how you handled yourself with him in Pennsylvania.

424. That's why I wanted to meet you.

425. - We were like Frick and Frack in the can.

426. - Angelo's my buddy.

427. - He knew all the Jackie Gleason stuff by heart.

428. He acted all the parts hisself.

429. Do a little bit for Rusty.

430. The mambo thing.

431. - Mambo?

432. Oh! Carlos was teaching you the mambo?

433. That's a different story!

434. Get out! Get out!

435. - So how's your reentry been?

436. You doin' okay?

437. - Yeah. Tony's been good with me.

438. - I always liked your cousin.

439. - He's a real gentleman.

440. - Angelo's lookin' out for you, too.

441. - I told Rusty that you might need a little earn.

442. - Well, yeah, I could use a little cash injection.

443. Maybe a push up the pyramid.

444. You know, time served.

445. - We need somethin' done.

446. - Nice little payday for you,

447. and an opportunity for you to hone that rep you left behind.

448. - And this involves...

449. - Somebody needs to go.

450. - Anyone I know?

451. - New York guy, not Jersey.

452. - Who's he with?

453. - Friend of a friend.

454. Not a friend of ours.

455. - Friend of Johnny's.

456. - You guys gotta settle that shit.

457. - It's not the boat.

458. It's Lorraine Calluzzo.

459. - Rainey Calluzzo.

460. - Little Carmine went to school with her.

461. They go back that far.

462. - Kill a woman. Come on.

463. - I can't sign on right now.

464. I wanna give my cousin the benefit of the doubt.

465. He don't want us involved in this problem over here anyway.

466. - Why don't you think about it for a bit?

467. - I don't know. I don't think so.

468. But thanks, guys.

469. - We had a big talk over here the other day

470. and the consensus seems to want your presence

471. at my father's party.

472. - Well, that's nice but it's kinda short notice now.

473. - Look, it's for my father, not me.

474. - I made plans to go fishin' with Sil.

475. - Well, he really wants you there.

476. If you could find a way to make it,

477. I know he would be very happy.

478. He's very fond of you.

479. The New York salsicc', hickory wood, whatever.

480. - You're not usin' Artie?

481. - Yeah, I got him doin' appetizers and salads,

482. but, uh, he's really there as a guest.

483. I am cooking.

484. Tomorrow's gonna be a madhouse,

485. just, living hell.

486. - I don't know, I'll...

487. I'll see what I can do.

488. - Thank you, Tony, I appreciate it.

489. - Uh, Jerry say to refrigerate.

490. - Okay. I think there is room in the garage.

491. - Hey, Carm. - Tony.

492. - I know you're shorthanded, uh,

493. I thought you might need some help around here today.

494. It's my weekend with the boys.

495. They'll stay out of the way.

496. Aunt Carmela's nice enough to let you guys enjoy her pool,

497. and you wanna destroy her property.

498. - It's a beach chair. It can get wet.

499. - Don't get smart!

500. You wanna go home?

501. What can I do?

502. - Ah, the dips. I forgot the dips.

503. - I gotta duck out later.

504. I could pick some up for you at Grand Union.

505. - Grand Union closed its doors 10 years ago.

506. You know what, frig the dip.

507. They're gonna have to survive with salsa.

508. - Can I make you a cocktail?

509. I make a mean Rusty Nail.

510. - Now? No.

511. - Thanks again for lettin' the kids take a swim.

512. - Aw, sure.

513. Anytime, you know that.

514. - Cheers.

515. They love bein' here.

516. This is truly a beautiful home.

517. What, are you here, five years now?

518. - I asked you to get up at 11:00.

519. We got a lot to do today.

520. - Oh, you were supposed to send this

521. to Mr. Wegler for summer school.

522. - Put it down!

523. - Greetings, birthday people.

524. - You are here, which is great.

525. You can help with the set-up.

526. - Hi, Mrs. Soprano. - Hi.

527. Uh, uh, Finn this is our Uncle Tony.

528. Tony this is Meadow's friend, Finn.

529. - Hey.

530. - What are you doing?

531. - I'm making grandpa's favorite maple-walnut icebox cake.

532. - We have cake. Jerry just...

533. - Why don't you take a swim? I know you're hot.

534. - Do you have a towel?

535. - I'll bring you a coffee, too.

536. - I'll be outside. - Cake pan?

537. - Meadow, I have a lot to do today.

538. - Hello?

539. I'm making dessert, to help?

540. - Seems like a nice guy.

541. - Yep.

542. Any luck with Kelly? - No.

543. I been scourin' the internet for any trace.

544. - Here is your cake pan.

545. And you're gonna clean up your baking mess.

546. - I can imagine how much you must miss her.

547. Your only daughter.

548. - What was she like 11 when she lived with you guys?

549. - We had her 12th birthday party

550. right before she moved out.

551. - How'd she do in school back then?

552. - Straight As.

553. Oh, my God, what is the matter with them?

554. - Don't lift that by yourself, Hugh.

555. Wait for some help.

556. - What are you doing here?

557. You always do this!

558. The party is not for hours!

559. - He needs help. - What am I doin' here?

560. I'm returning your port-a-vac.

561. You said you needed it.

562. - Happy birthday, Grandpa.

563. - Later for that, get your uncle out here.

564. - He left; he said he told you he had to bolt for a minute.

565. He asked us to watch the twins.

566. - Here, help me with this.

567. - Oh, my goodness, what a bother.

568. Excuse us for living.

569. - How ya doin'? I'm Tony.

570. - Oh, yeah, the other Tony's cousin, right?

571. - It reclines perfectly, try it.

572. - Fuck that.

573. I don't feel like I'm sittin' at 12:00.

574. You're sittin' at 12:00.

575. - May I?

576. - I don't give a fuck.

577. You can sit in there till fuckin' St. Gennaro.

578. It'll still need to be dealt with.

579. This car went through a major collision.

580. - Seems okay.

581. - How could it be okay if it's askew?

582. What's the matter, Joey? You got a fuckin' eye problem?

583. Look like Stevie Wonder, your eyes rollin' around.

584. - Aw, what'd I say?

585. I didn't say nothin', Phil.

586. - Replacin' the seat will cost a fortune.

587. Give me a break, Phil.

588. The seat is fine.

589. You just have a problem with the grain

590. on the leather from the factory.

591. You think I'm stupid?

592. - Ho, ho!

593. - Don't take it out on me.

594. - Come on, Joey.

595. - Hey, Phil.

596. Now, how about this.

597. They replace the tracks under the seat,

598. maybe throw in a CD player in the dash.

599. - We already did that. We replaced the tracks.

600. He's got a CD player.

601. - Jesus God, Duke,

602. they're hosin' us for a $2,000 factory seat.

603. - Come on, Joey.

604. - Tony, nice to meet ya.

605. - Come on, you comin'?

606. - Joe, try to keep him cooled down.

607. - Here ya go, Freddy.

608. - Get it, Jason, come on!

609. - Oh.

610. Oh, my God.

611. - Ma, what?

612. - Dr. Fegoli, Russ.

613. - What? - He's allergic to tomatoes.

614. - All right, so we will deal with it.

615. Jesus.

616. Don't you have any hors d'oeuvres without tomatoes?

617. - The prosciutto-wrapped chevre.

618. Rosalie just took 'em out.

619. - An Italian allergic to pommodori.

620. Dio mio.

621. You have my sympathies.

622. - Well, it wasn't always like this.

623. Started when they gave me radiation for my prostate.

624. Don't ask me why.

625. - So did you know Monsignor Kelly?

626. He was in charge of the tours at all the catacombs?

627. - I made you a plate, Russ.

628. - Thank you, Mary.

629. - You know, Carmela's mother-in-law, Livia,

630. detested northern cooking.

631. - Really, why?

632. - She skeeved the butter.

633. The father was like that, too.

634. The whole Soprano bunch over there.

635. - So many neopolitans and sigilian' feel that way.

636. - Well, you really have to go to Italy to know,

637. and so many of them don't.

638. - I ate like a champ all the way up and down the boot.

639. The whole two weeks.

640. - But those recipes that you used to send me from Tuscany.

641. Lena...

642. My God, they were a revelation.

643. Bollito misto, osso bucco...

644. - Mmm.

645. The lovely Carmela Soprano.

646. Would you like to say a few words?

647. - Oh, he's back, thank God.

648. Will you get the guests arriving?

649. See?

650. And where the hell is Tony?

651. - Have a glass of wine, Carm.

652. Calm you down a little.

653. - He is bringing the charcoal and the sausage.

654. He's always gotta wait till the last minute.

655. - I heard that!

656. - Agh, finally. - Hi, Tony.

657. - Got no faith in me.

658. - I wonder why?

659. - Pins and needles, needles and pins.

660. Palumbo's.

661. The birthday boy's favorite.

662. Where is he? - He's out back.

663. - Oh, good.

664. - Honey, try to pace yourself...

665. - Hey, there he is!

666. - Hey, happy birthday to Hugh, got sazeecha for you!

667. - Russ, wait'll ya taste this stuff.

668. There's nothin' else like it.

669. Tony, I want you to meet a couple of our oldest friends,

670. Dr. Russ and Lena Fegoli.

671. - Nice to meet you, sir.

672. - My son-in-law, well, whatever, Tony Soprano.

673. - Hey.

674. A doctor in the house, huh?

675. That's good, 'cause somebody usually

676. goes down at these things.

677. - He's just joking.

678. - Unfortunately my doctorate is in international affairs.

679. - Oh.

680. - From Princeton.

681. - G.I. Bill.

682. - So you're a doctor like, uh, Kissinger's a doctor.

683. - Yes. - Oh.

684. - Russ had an audience with four popes.

685. - Oh.

686. What section did you all sit in?

687. - Aw, idiot.

688. - T.B., make sure you shoot the food tables

689. before they're pillaged.

690. - Well, I'd, uh...

691. Love to stay and chat, but I got a fire to start.

692. Nice to meet ya, Doc.

693. - Nice to meet you.

694. Everybody!

695. Could you gather 'round please?

696. Everybody, everybody!

697. Come on over.

698. I would like to make a toast to the man of the hour.

699. A very special man.

700. A man who I love

701. more than words could possibly say.

702. My father. - Here-here.

703. - You are the best father and grandfather in the world.

704. Salut'. - Salut'.

705. Salut'.

706. - Speech! Speech!

707. - You are the greatest, my little Melly.

708. - Oh.

709. - Thank you for everything. - Mm-hmm.

710. - Tony, thank you for having us at your home.

711. Mar', my lovely bride.

712. Still the prettiest girl in the world.

713. Thank you for puttin' up with me all these years.

714. Aww.

715. - Thank all you freeloaders for coming!

716. - So why don't you open up your gifts, Dad?

717. - Not now, Carmela,

718. It's very, uh, mercenary.

719. - Well, good, people spent money on them.

720. - I'll break the ice.

721. Here.

722. Open this one.

723. - It's from him.

724. - Aw, you're too much.

725. - A Stratocaster?

726. - Aww.

727. A Beretta.

728. Ooh, aww...

729. - Shotgun, oh wow.

730. - This is...

731. I don't know what to say.

732. - It's a Giubileo 12-gauge.

733. 28-inch barrel.

734. - Nice to have money.

735. Get me another Rolling Rock, Jay.

736. - What time did you start drinkin' today?

737. - Probably right after you got up.

738. - Oh, cuz!

739. - Tony, can you bring the camera over here

740. and get a shot of this?

741. - Sure, I got nothin' better to do.

742. - Expect a freezer full of venison this year.

743. - You got it, kid.

744. - Beautiful piece.

745. The over-under action, the engraving,

746. they're artisans.

747. And you know, I've been to the Beretta studio in Brescia.

748. - No kiddin'. I'd love to see that.

749. - You know that company goes back to the 1500s.

750. - Madonn'.

751. - Sure, the best pieces,

752. they never export, you see.

753. - I want one and all here to know

754. what a wild man Hugo was in his day.

755. Remember what he did at the bund meeting in Paterson, Russ?

756. Threw that cherry bomb on those Krauts?

757. - Yeah, tell that one.

758. - You made my father's year with that gun.

759. - He deserves it.

760. - You look beat, Tony; why don't you take a break?

761. - Nah, I'm all right.

762. Could use a beer, though.

763. - Well, you got it.

764. - Thanks.

765. Salut'.

766. How's that look? Done?

767. - You're the grillmeister.

768. - I mean, don't get me wrong.

769. I still think we have the greatest

770. legal system in the world.

771. But it's becoming more and more discriminatory.

772. I mean, if you're a minority, or worse,

773. an immigrant from an Arab country,

774. civil rights don't apply at all.

775. - No place is the breach of civil rights

776. more evident than the penal system.

777. Rehabilitation? Please.

778. - Yeah.

779. - The nature of the system instills a convict mentality

780. to the point where prison becomes the only venue

781. where the convict can function.

782. - My little bleedin' heart.

783. - She is wise beyond her years.

784. - She better be.

785. All the money I'm spendin' over

786. at liberal university in sunny Harlem.

787. Come here.

788. How you doin'?

789. - Good. - Yeah?

790. Remember when you were a little girl

791. what I used to call you?

792. What do you mean you don't remember?

793. You were too young to remember?

794. - Don't! - No!

795. How come you don't remember?

796. Remember what I used to call you, huh?

797. - Ooh. - Hey, ow!

798. You know Hugh built this house?

799. - Your friend's maxin' out the situation down there at Puss's.

800. - Sure.

801. - Factory seat. Two k.

802. I tried.

803. - Well, I'd hate to see Ang' get stuck with that.

804. Then again, her friend over there is takin' me

805. to the cleaners with this divorce shit.

806. I gotta belt-tighten.

807. - Can we get some able-bodied seamen over here?

808. Tony B.?

809. - What, am I a fuckin' slave?

810. - Ho!

811. - I didn't have a drop.

812. - God damn it.

813. - Lester'll drive; he's in the bathroom.

814. - Watch your head.

815. - Hey! Virginia Mayo.

816. - Thank you for coming.

817. I'm sorry for everything, what can I say?

818. - Get my boy home safe.

819. - You're sorry for what?

820. - Aw... - No-no I wanna hear.

821. - Oh, please, Carmela.

822. The off-color jokes, the sausage twirling...

823. - Tony.

824. - These are cultured Italians.

825. Russ is a success, a diplomat.

826. This was a shock for them.

827. - And he's such a diplomat he insults his host?

828. You heard what he said to Tony.

829. He is a pompous man. He always was.

830. - Let's talk about this another time.

831. - That's why you didn't want Tony here.

832. Had nothin' to do with the marital situation.

833. All along, it was so that your cultured Italian friends,

834. who were born and raised on Arthur Avenue I might add,

835. wouldn't meet your "gavone" son-in-law.

836. - He made us all look like "gavones."

837. - Whatever we are I am proud of it,

838. unlike you obviously.

839. - I have always been proud of my heritage.

840. - Oh, bullshit.

841. I remember you telling aunt rose you were glad

842. DeAngelis didn't end in a vowel.

843. - I never said that!

844. - And when Meadow came out, "Oh my God, she's so dark".

845. - You're drunk. I'm going home.

846. - You know, there are Italians all around

847. with their closet self-loathing.

848. I just never wanted to believe my mother was one of 'em.

849. And now what the fuck are you crying about?

850. You're secret is out.

851. - Marco.

852. Polo.

853. - Marco.

854. Polo.

855. - Marco?

856. Polo.

857. - Marco. - Polo.

858. - Fish outta water! You're it, Ton'!

859. - Takin' a T-O.

860. - Marco. - Polo.

861. - Here let me... let me get this.

862. - No, I'm fine. You have fun.

863. - No, no, really. Let me...

864. Forget it, I'll get it.

865. - Tony, put me down!

866. - You look like you could use a dip!

867. - No, don't you, I'm serious!

868. - One. - AJ!

869. - Two. - Tony, don't!

870. Three!

871. - You bastards! - You're it, Carm.

872. - Whoo!

873. - Idiots.

874. - Hey, don't let her get out.

875. - You... no!

876. - Ho!

877. You're still it!

878. - Marco.

879. Polo.

880. - All right.

881. Pleasant dreams, hammers.

882. Night, Dad.

883. Good night, Grandma.

884. - Good night.

885. - Your grandma's not a maid.

886. - I'll put 'em in the hamper.

887. - What's this? - I don't know.

888. - Yes, you do. - Shut up.

889. - Am I talkin' to you, Justin?

890. I asked you a question, Jason.

891. - Pins.

892. From the '96 Olympics in Atlanta it looks like.

893. - That's when you were stationed in Saudi Arabia,

894. right, Dad?

895. - Yes, that's right.

896. But I'm talkin' to your brother.

897. You took this tonight, didn't you?

898. - I borrowed it from AJ.

899. - You stole this from your cousin

900. who opens his house to you?

901. - I found it on the floor way in back of AJ's closet.

902. He doesn't care.

903. With all the stuff he has?

904. He got to go to the Olympics and everything.

905. I love where he lives.

906. I don't wanna come back here.

907. - My son steals from his own family.

908. You're gonna return it tomorrow and apologize.

909. Where are your Gameboys?

910. - That's mine.

911. Jason's is in the drawer.

912. - I'm givin' both of these to the Salvation Army.

913. - I didn't do nothing!

914. - You're just as bad as he is 'cause you didn't stop him!

915. - We should get going, AJ.

916. I don't wanna drop you off at Patrick's too late.

917. - Call me when you get to Patrick's.

918. - Yeah, I'll try.

919. He's in a bad cell area.

920. - He'll try?

921. - Just showin' her he's not a kid.

922. - Mm...

923. I think he's showin' her more than that.

924. - Well, that's inevitable.

925. - It's scary is what that is.

926. - He'll be fine.

927. He's in love.

928. - Oh, please.

929. - You know what it's like at that age.

930. Hmm?

931. Can't wait to see each other.

932. Can't keep your hands off each other.

933. - Tony, what are you doing?

934. - What am I doin'?

935. - Tony, let's call it a night.

936. - Why?

937. You tired? - Yes.

938. Come on.

939. Artie is right over there.

940. - He's comatose.

941. - Tony...

942. - This is nice, no?

943. - Tony...

944. - Doesn't it feel nice?

945. - I didn't say that.

946. No, Tony, don't.

947. - Shh...

948. - So which type of, uh, torture instrument

949. we going to use?

950. That will wake up the neighbors.

951. - Yeah.

952. - You have to go where you have like a two-by-four...

953. - Hello?

954. Blundetto.

955. How can I help you?

956. - I'm in.

957. - You asleep?

958. - Here you go, Joey.

959. It's bigger than last week's.

960. Hey, Crystal.

961. The room is empty.

962. Come on, time is money.

963. - Thanks. Phil'll be very happy.

964. - Yeah. Send him and John my best, huh?

965. Good night, Heather.

966. - Good night, Muz.

967. - You're off? - Yeah.

968. - I'm goin' downtown.

969. - Me too.

970. - Let's go.

971. - See ya next week, Joe.

972. - Hey, Joe.

973. - Hey. Tony, right?

974. What, you come here too?

975. - Ah!