The Sopranos 5x4

1. Ah, that's so funny!

2. No, it isn't!

3. You just poked me in the eye!

4. Well, you poked me first.

5. I can't find the thing.

6. Here.

7. I don't know what the fuck happened to the DeWalt.

8. Everything disappears around here.

9. Especially now that I'm outta the house, she lets everything go.

10. Aah!

11. Stop, stop, Uncle Tony!

12. It's freezing cold!

13. Uncle Tony, knock it off!

14. She wants to talk to me about somethin'.

15. Thanks for havin' us up here, Ton'.

16. Jason, don't put pine cones in the filter!

17. Hell's the matter with you?

18. No, Dad, watch me!

19. He's hitting me!

20. Hey, what did I say?

21. They will probably go through their entire lives

22. not knowing that their father's sperm

23. was smuggled out of jail to get Nancy pregnant.

24. It was the least I could do.

25. I just remembered what happened to the power drill.

26. Pardon me?

27. I loaned it to your cousin, Brian.

28. And he never gave it...

29. What's the matter?

30. I don't know.

31. Is this one of your attacks?

32. No, it...

33. I think it's just indigestion.

34. It's goin' away.

35. I had an attack... full blown.

36. - What did your therapist say? - I don't see her no more.

37. - Why not? - You think you're the only one

38. that has to cut back on shit they need?

39. 'Cause of the separation?

40. Now what's on your mind?

41. Mr. Wegler wants us to come in and discuss

42. A.J.'s lousy academic performance.

43. Is this the same Wegler?

44. From last year, the riccione with the Billy Budds?

45. A.J. got him as a college advisor.

46. I told this kid to start crackin' the books.

47. Was he supposed to do that after he got back

48. from the Nets game you took him to

49. on a school night?

50. It's gotta be hard for him,

51. this situation with us.

52. Why don't you cut him some slack?

53. No, that's your department.

54. I get to be the prison warden over here

55. while you indulge him.

56. With the iPod, the drums.

57. Oh, again with the drums!

58. Encourage extracurricular activity, you said.

59. Brand new drums, just like that?

60. Don't even look in the classifieds.

61. Why don't you just tell me when the school meetin' is.

62. 'Cause I don't have to listen to this shit anymore.

63. That's why we're separated!

64. Oh, are you kidding me, Tony?

65. That is not why!

66. Jase?

67. Were you knocking?

68. Hi, Lorraine. I'm Billy.

69. The fuck?

70. Jason!

71. Ow! No!

72. Jason!

73. Aah!

74. Oh, no!

75. You were warned, Lorraine. The money goes up to John.

76. Fuck!

77. Lorraine Calluzio and the kid, Jason.

78. Fuckin' Philly Leotardo!

79. She told me he warned her.

80. About givin' us points of her take.

81. Phil's a pimple.

82. It's goddamn Johnny Sack.

83. It's his message to the other captains,

84. that fuckin' animal.

85. Take it easy.

86. Fuck that.

87. Rusty?

88. Car's here.

89. I'm telling you, Carmine.

90. We go all out, we'll steamroll right over John.

91. And I predict the guys on the street in Brooklyn and Queens,

92. they'll welcome us as fuckin' heroes.

93. It'll be easy.

94. It's a fuckin' declaration of war by Johnny, if ya ask me.

95. - Hey! - Ho...

96. There he is.

97. Let me kiss the ring.

98. How about the one in the center of my ass?

99. - Hey! - Feech.

100. - Good to see ya, baby. - Good to see you.

101. Hello there, kid. Good to see ya.

102. - Hey... - Hey, how ya doin', Feech?

103. How are ya? How are ya?

104. Just, uh, talkin' about that mess over in New York.

105. Sounds to me like your friend John

106. wants to force Little Carmine's hand.

107. In my day, the top spot would've gone to Little Carmine,

108. unless he was actually retarded or crippled or somethin'.

109. He's the son.

110. Come on, when was that?

111. Yeah?

112. - Vodka rocks. - Thank you, dear.

113. Anybody else?

114. We need anything else, uh,

115. one of the kids'll come out.

116. Ton', you didn't have any lunch.

117. - You want a sandwich? - No, I'm all right. Thanks.

118. Adriana, hold on a second.

119. Tommy Pinto's cumare, eh,

120. when I was comin' up she had the long legs,

121. up to here, like that.

122. Famous beauty, smart as a whip.

123. My compliments.

124. Oh, that'd be beautiful.

125. - Thank you, baby. - You drove Tommy Pinto?

126. I was at the Clam Broth House

127. that night he beat that longshoreman to death over a corner table.

128. No shit.

129. Here we go. Memory lane.

130. It's important these young guys know the history.

131. Tell 'em about the time, uh,

132. Tony and Jackie Aprile knocked over your card game.

133. Oh, that he doesn't like to talk about.

134. I heard this.

135. This is a great fuckin' story.

136. He should be dead by now.

137. They bust in, couple of fuckin' punks.

138. Guns out. Bad guys.

139. This one is fuckin' scared!

140. First of all, it was my game.

141. Feech has forgiven, even if he hasn't forgotten.

142. But it's a great yarn, right, Feech?

143. Yeah.

144. Actually, it brings me to my business.

145. Fellas, you wanna give us a minute here?

146. Yeah.

147. So, what's up?

148. I came to ask for my game back.

149. It's my uncle's game now, Feech.

150. Yeah, right, your uncle's.

151. You'll still keep the lion's share of the rake.

152. I'm in a way just asking if I can run it for ya.

153. Why would I need that?

154. Eleven years, I ran it.

155. No fights, no raids.

156. Not to mention that maybe I got it comin'?

157. Considering how it could've gone for you

158. after you took the game down,

159. if I had been a prick about it.

160. Or if his old man didn't have so many friends.

161. I'll give you 20%, but you gotta rent the house from me.

162. I could throw some high rollers your way.

163. Friends of mine.

164. All right.

165. Let me get outta here before I keep talkin'

166. and fuck this up. Jesus.

167. Thank you, Don Antonio.

168. He's a strunz.

169. He's a busybody, that's all.

170. He's an egomaniac, Ton'.

171. Always was, always will be.

172. Nothin's ever good enough... praise, money.

173. Comes in this fuckin' office, starts orderin' people around?

174. He's old.

175. How do ya think that feels?

176. Can I go to the Mudvayne concert or not?

177. Well, I've been trying to think of a reason

178. to let you stay overnight in New York with your friends,

179. but I'm afraid it's not gonna happen.

180. Todd's mother already made the arrangements.

181. And she said it'd be better than us driving home.

182. She's not your mother.

183. Yeah, I know. Believe me.

184. Isn't life unfair?

185. So, we're at the Peppermint Lounge,

186. when in walks these two stewardesses from Braniff.

187. Everybody's in? Aces high. Your action, Mr. Taylor.

188. - Two hundred. - Hesh?

189. They're sitting at the bar,

190. we send 'em over a bottle of Dom.

191. Next thing you know, we're in the hotel room.

192. Me, Frankie, and the two broads.

193. I see ya, raise ya three.

194. - Your mother. - But this one,

195. this little pothead from Texas, she fucked me dry.

196. But she still wanted more! She's fuckin' nuts!

197. So I'm wearin' these pointy featherweights,

198. and I stick the toe in, and I'm fuckin' her with it.

199. I don't know where this story's heading,

200. but I guess we should all be grateful

201. he wasn't wearing white bucks.

202. The maid walks in,

203. She says, "What's going on?" And I say...

204. Ante up, boys.

205. Ho! Hey!

206. - Hey. - Hey, Ton'.

207. Sir Lawrence from the Meadowlands.

208. Your Highness, how are you?

209. Tony, let me introduce Bernie Brillstein.

210. Didja get my list of toys?

211. Hey, Ton'.

212. Oh, my cousin!

213. Kinda high-stakes for you, no?

214. Feech fronted my action.

215. And thank you for not humiliating me.

216. Isn't there something in your parole about

217. hanging out with degenerates like this?

218. - Aww... - Come on, he gets away with anything.

219. Last time his parole officer made the unannounced visit,

220. he gave him a massage!

221. So how's Lady Luck treatin' you, huh?

222. Jesus fuckin' Christ, how many times this guy gotta say hello?

223. What, did I interrupt one of your impermeable stories?

224. Go ahead.

225. So, we have these girls in the hotel room.

226. Long story short, I got my shoe in her snatch.

227. Then it falls off and she keels over. Che puzz'.

228. Ha ha.

229. Fuck it. This hand's from thalidomide.

230. Three ladies, gentlemen.

231. - Ahh. - Take it. Take it.

232. The rich get richer.

233. So, Doc,

234. how's the plans for the wedding?

235. Please. It's not a wedding planner anymore.

236. It's an environment and event coordinator.

237. What the hell. She's my only daughter.

238. She and Iris have their hearts set

239. on making the Vows column of the Sunday New York Times.

240. Featured Couple of the Week.

241. Our publicist is lookin' for a hook.

242. Turns out that Gillian's law degree from Harvard means bupkis.

243. Everybody's got that or better.

244. If it was a black couple or a gay couple,

245. - they'd be in. - Hmm.

246. My wife calls the Times wedding section

247. the "ladies sport page."

248. So Ira, who's the lucky guy?

249. Jeremy Silverman.

250. Puppeteer. Children's Television Workshop.

251. Father's Asa Silverman,

252. head of commercial paper at Goldman Sachs.

253. Upper East Side.

254. I didn't get my invitation.

255. Fuck you.

256. That was good.

257. You told me to be sure to let you know

258. - when it was a quarter of. - Thank you, Mary.

259. So with Wesleyan as your fallback,

260. I think we're in pretty good shape.

261. Straight A's at Middlebury's Language Camp,

262. can't sneeze at that.

263. And your blues folkloric studies

264. in Mississippi last summer

265. have an almost community service spin to them.

266. I just wish he had the minority thing going for him.

267. - If we can just nudge - Lem's verbals past 760

268. on the next round, he can basically write his own ticket.

269. I'm stoked.

270. Appreciate your help.

271. Folks?

272. So lemme guess.

273. He called the English teacher Daddy-O.

274. Oh.

275. Thing is...

276. we are rapidly approaching crisis mode here

277. with these grades.

278. And time is of the essence.

279. Could I ask a question?

280. I handed in my final list of colleges.

281. - Did you get that? - Yes. We talked about this.

282. So... Ramapo and Trenton State.

283. And our reach schools, University of Arizona and Arizona State.

284. I'm gonna take him out there after I drive him around to the ones in New Jersey.

285. If either of the Arizonas is what he's got his heart set on,

286. he's not gonna get in with these grades.

287. And I know about football, Anthony,

288. That's our ace in the hole.

289. - He says he's tryin' his best. - SAT-wise, 505 and 430,

290. uh, I think we can edge up the math

291. into the fives the next round,

292. providing Anthony feels he can bear down and focus.

293. He's had trouble with that before.

294. Remember, Carm, when they thought he had ADD?

295. - You didn't tell me that. - Anthony, - what do you say

296. you head on back to class, let us talk?

297. But if I'm learning disabled, I get unlimited time on my SATS.

298. Is that true?

299. Let's talk about that later.

300. So, you had time to talk directly to Dr. Rapke

301. about last week's testing results?

302. Yes. She said Anthony has good interpersonal skills,

303. she said his affect was...

304. where is it? "constricted," she called it,

305. but that was normal for a teenager.

306. And all in all he seemed to be handling the split well.

307. This is not to say I don't get a ration of shit in every conversation.

308. Pardon my French.

309. Well, still, uh,

310. there's this thing with his grades.

311. Do you think it would be of benefit to him

312. to see a psychologist on a regular basis?

313. You don't approve of therapy, Mr. Soprano?

314. People use it as a crutch.

315. And I always wonder what happened to Gary Cooper,

316. the strong, silent type.

317. Well, Gary Cooper wasn't a 16-year-old boy.

318. He was at one time.

319. I'm gonna have to agree with my husband here,

320. Mr. Wegler.

321. We sent our daughter to an adolescent developmentalist,

322. and it was a disaster.

323. I know my son. He's just lazy.

324. We're gonna get him a different SAT tutor,

325. and I'm gonna stay on him and he's gonna work harder.

326. And that's that.

327. They said I might be learning disabled.

328. Hey, didn't he tell you to go to class?

329. What's going on, Mary?

330. Domenica Paolini and Sasha Caputo,

331. they were on their way to school this morning and they hit a tree.

332. Nick is dead. Sasha's in a coma.

333. What's that?

334. It was here when I got here.

335. Okay, if a million zeroes can be written

336. on the front and back of a sheet of paper,

337. how many sheets of paper do you need

338. for a googol of zeroes?

339. Whoa!

340. Oh man, oh baby, an Xterra SE!

341. It's loaded. 3.3 liter supercharged.

342. - What, this is mine? - Yeah.

343. - You are unbelievable. - Sticker's still on it.

344. He doesn't have enough distractions?

345. After what happened to those kids at his school?

346. Thing's got sensors in the seatbelts.

347. It's part of Nissan's triple safety philosophy.

348. - Nice ride. - Are you leaving?

349. - Hour's up. - You're not gettin' in?

350. This is so deck.

351. What is this, Bose?

352. Yeah, six-CD changer.

353. It's got surround sound.

354. I feel safer already.

355. Carmela, this car is a tank.

356. What's the matter?

357. SUVs eat up more of the ozone.

358. So you wanna be the sucker in a regular car that gets decapitated?

359. I'm gonna catch some shit at school for this.

360. So what do you wanna do?

361. Screw it. Can we take it out?

362. Yeah, we can take it out. Once.

363. Then this baby sits in the garage

364. till you pull your grades up to a "C."

365. - What? - You heard your father.

366. I was talkin' to him, not you.

367. I gotta put dinner on.

368. Tony, I have bills for you.

369. You better be nice to your mother.

370. She's got the keys till your grades are up.

371. I'll be right back.

372. The car is a motivational tool.

373. The carrot and the stick... you gotta do both!

374. I could strangle him sometimes. He can be so hateful.

375. The smart mouth is not good.

376. That's minor, believe me.

377. God, what happened to him?

378. He was always the sweet one.

379. He had the concept of sharing

380. before any of the other toddlers...

381. Well, Meadow was always sharper,

382. but I remember the same thing with her.

383. It's like watchin' an angel fall.

384. What are you, cryin'?

385. Here's the tutor, in writing like you had to have.

386. I had to call RotoRooter. That's a cheap sound system for the media room.

387. - Why should I pay for that? - Because you took the last one.

388. Your little movie connoisseur friends, they're still meetin'?

389. - At least I have friends. - The fuck's that supposed to mean?

390. C'mon, Tony, you just have a bunch of flunkies.

391. What do you know about it?

392. They compliment you on your new shoes,

393. they tell you that you're not going bald.

394. You think they really care? You're the boss.

395. They're scared of you. They have to kiss your ass.

396. - Laugh at your stupid jokes. - What about Artie, then?

397. - You're turning into a friggin' cynic. - Yeah, whatever.

398. What do I give a shit if they're scared or whatever?

399. I'm runnin' a fuckin' business, not a popularity contest.

400. "I've been thinking,

401. and I apologize for my use of fowl language"...

402. "fowl" with a "w"...

403. "in regards to yourself."

404. You said some very hurtful things to me

405. in regards to myself.

406. but it is still no excuse to use the vile word that I used,

407. of which I am sure you know...

408. "that I'm talking about."

409. "Cunt," right?

410. Yes, Elliot.

411. "You don't wish us to be social friends,

412. "and so that is that.

413. "I still have great 'rigard' for you

414. "even though you said some horrible things.

415. P.S. I'm doing fine. Anthony."

416. It came with a bathrobe

417. and a basketful of Dr. Hauschka bath products.

418. Ablution.

419. The desire to cleanse himself of the deed.

420. Notice he still fundamentally blames me.

421. - Hello? - Mrs. Soprano?

422. Robert Wegler.

423. Oh, hi! Hello, how are you?

424. Uh, after our meeting the other day,

425. I had some ideas about some further strategies for Anthony.

426. I thought maybe we could meet,

427. have lunch, a cup of coffee,

428. I could share them with you.

429. Next week, perhaps?

430. Really? Uh...

431. well, yeah, I guess that would be okay.

432. "Happy Birthday" by the Beatles.

433. You know, I heard it the other day in the car.

434. There's such a good drum solo in the middle there.

435. Drum solo?

436. It's the basic 4/4.

437. You know, Ringo was not their original drummer. That was Pete Best.

438. And they fired him.

439. He put out his own album, "Best of the Beatles." Sad.

440. So is this what they call common ground?

441. Just trying to have a civilized conversation.

442. Can I go to my room? I'm full.

443. Am I so horrible?

444. You are not horrible.

445. Get over yourself.

446. Over myself? What is that supposed to mean?

447. Just go. Do me a big favor.

448. If you're gonna be a martyr, obviously I'll sit here.

449. No. Go. Put your plate in the sink.

450. Two hundred.

451. Two to go.

452. See, and raise four.

453. - Call. - So, Tony,

454. you're likin' the Escalade? I can't keep 'em on the lot.

455. I love it. After I pulled out that Global Positioning shit.

456. Oh, right.

457. Always got his eye on the big picture.

458. Up to you.

459. I think you got that ace, and I'm not payin' you for it.

460. - Aces over. - Three treys, my man.

461. Paulie wins. Cards, please.

462. - You fuck, you. - Ahh.

463. Used to be a great tax loophole, those SUVs.

464. Told all my clients, "Write it off on your business."

465. Accountant dies, goes to heaven,

466. same time as the Pope.

467. Saint Peter says, "Come on in!"

468. Then he shows the Pope to this shithouse, that's where he's gonna live,

469. and he gives him a crust of bread.

470. Then he shows the CPA where he's gonna live.

471. It's a fuckin' mansion... servants, broads.

472. Pope says, "He gets a mansion and I get a hovel?"

473. Saint Peter says, "Your Holiness,

474. we got hundreds of popes up here.

475. This is the first Jewish accountant!"

476. I used to be able to write off condoms.

477. What do you get when you cross an accountant with a giant jet airplane?

478. A Boring 747.

479. All right, all right. Bet two.

480. Algebra, huh?

481. Listen...

482. I have been doing some thinking.

483. I've decided to let you stay in the city after the concert.

484. How come?

485. On one condition, though.

486. No Hudson Suites.

487. I talked to Mead. She said that you can sleep over at her apartment.

488. I will give you cab fare. When the concert's over, you go straight up there.

489. Sunday morning I want you home ten-thirty sharp.

490. Thanks.

491. Don't stay up too late.

492. Come on, go! Go! Go! Hurry!

493. So, you guys like your job?

494. Beemer, space 43!

495. Can I have your attention?

496. Apparently there's been an armed robbery.

497. Some automobiles were taken.

498. They left all the American cars!

499. - Oh, my God! - I think his skull is broken.

500. - Oh, my God! - I'm a doctor. Let me in there.

501. Brooke, our car is gone.

502. Now who's a genius for keeping his Regal?

503. Asa, they got the SL.

504. That was a fucking SL55 convertible.

505. You know how long my brother was on the waiting list for that thing?

506. A motherfucking year.

507. You want to go back to that?

508. Yes! I want to go back to that!

509. - Hello? - Hey, it's me.

510. - How was Mudvayne? - They rocked.

511. Look, I... I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it up there.

512. What are you talking about? You know Mom's gonna call here.

513. I'm a total dick if I leave here.

514. Just tell Mom I'm on my way up.

515. She's just gonna call back.

516. Come on. When do I ever ask you for anything?

517. All right, you better stay there.

518. And be home on time tomorrow. I don't want any shit from Mom.

519. Frida, why do you and Diego have separate houses?

520. Because we are two different people,

521. but our love makes us into one.

522. - Hello? - Mead, hi.

523. Is your brother there? He's not answering his cell.

524. - I know. He's asleep. - What?

525. I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but he was pretty zapped.

526. I knew it. Is he all right?

527. Mom, he's fine.

528. Just wait until you have children.

529. Not me. I'm never having kids.

530. So, how are things going?

531. We're in the middle of a movie, Mom.

532. Oh. I'm sorry.

533. Good night.

534. G'night.

535. Come on, light this fucker up.

536. Gimme the lighter.

537. It's on the table.

538. All right, go, go, go, go, go,

539. go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

540. Hold it! Hold it!

541. Open up, it's me.

542. Come on, open the fucking door!

543. Where's the patient?

544. I got a new easel, new oils...

545. - I'm ready to go. - Salute.

546. The wedding! What, do you got everybody outside,

547. the ushers and everybody? Bring 'em in!

548. - Fuckin' disaster. - What?

549. Somebody hit us. They stole all the fuckin' cars.

550. - I had to sedate my own little girl at her wedding. - Jesus.

551. I mean, they had one of those, whaddya call it, those car carrier things?

552. And it was a very well-coordinated operation.

553. The cops are on it, but ya know,

554. how much faith have I got in that?

555. You gotta help me before they're chopped!

556. I'm not really in that business, Ira.

557. Asa's brother's Benz was taken, this special thing.

558. I'm fuckin' gornisht in Asa's eyes now.

559. Can't you do anything? I mean, make some calls?

560. - Well, that shit's insured. - He's obsessed with that car,

561. this fucking Stew guy.

562. The asshole paid a $30,000 premium

563. just to place the fuckin' order.

564. His glasses, his daybook were in it.

565. A.J., it's your mother. Call me.

566. Ohh. It's my mother.

567. Ma'am, I told you, I can't put you through.

568. - Room 417 has a block - on the line. - I am not waiting.

569. Who knows what's going on?

570. God help you if anything happens in there

571. like those children in Westchester.

572. No! No, don't answer it!

573. My face is stuck to the rug!

574. They fuckin' Krazy Glued you.

575. Housekeeping!

576. Fuck. What should we do?

577. We're asleep!

578. All right, help me.

579. Ow! Ow!

580. - Ow! Dude, take it easy. - I'm trying.

581. Aaaah. Ow.

582. Oh, fuck.

583. Oh, dude.

584. Ohhh... fuck.

585. Oh, fuck me.

586. - Hello. - Hi, yeah, it's me.

587. A.J. stayed in the city with his friends last night,

588. and he's not home yet, and I can't get in touch with him.

589. Take it easy. Slow down.

590. He's probably just sleepin' it off.

591. No, I called Todd's mother, and Todd came home.

592. He could be dead by now. O.D.'ed, God knows what else.

593. - God, why did I let him go? - He's all right.

594. I'll take care of it.

595. Gimme the number of the hotel.

596. It's the Hudson Suites on the West Side.

597. Tony, just go there, all right?

598. I am so worried I'm not even angry anymore.

599. Awright, awright, I'm on my way.

600. Anthony?

601. Goddamn you!

602. I have been going crazy trying to reach you!

603. - Later. I don't feel good. - What happened to your face?

604. - Just leave me alone! - I want to know what happened!

605. You never even went to Meadow's after you gave me your word!

606. - Get off my back! - You are a liar!

607. - Fuck you. - What did you say?

608. Get back here!

609. Ohh!

610. Fuck.

611. Puritan Salvage.

612. The big guy's looking for a consignment

613. from a wedding in Ringwood last night.

614. Nothin' came in here.

615. This Benz SL55, he wants it pulled.

616. I'll make some calls.

617. - Where is he? - In his room.

618. What happened to your leg?

619. He lied to me, Tony, which means they both lied.

620. She's coverin' for him.

621. It's what sisters are supposed to do.

622. Oh, of course, right.

623. He cursed at me. Oh, my God.

624. What did he say?

625. He's asleep.

626. Not anymore.

627. Oh. Hey, Dad.

628. I was just takin' out the trash.

629. It's garbage day tomorrow.

630. What's different about you?

631. He has no eyebrows, Tony.

632. Who did this?

633. We were just screwin' around.

634. - What'd you say to your mother? - Tony...

635. - What did you say? - I said the F-word.

636. You're finished. You're never gonna drive that fuckin' car

637. till you're 45 years old. I'm sellin' it tomorrow!

638. She wouldn't let me talk! I was trying to tell her what happened.

639. Oh, see? It's my fault.

640. Awright, let's hear it.

641. Well, I-I was gonna go to Meadow's, but there weren't any cabs.

642. And I didn't think you'd want me sitting in the street

643. at 11:30 at night, and we were right by the hotel.

644. - Enough of your lying. - I am not lying.

645. Look at your face!

646. If you got some kind of sexual proclivity with that teacher or whatever,

647. now's the time to tell us. I mean, what went on up there?

648. - Poppers and weird sex! - What?

649. No! Look, we don't do drugs, we're not some stupid dopers.

650. I had a few beers, but it just made me sick.

651. How can anybody believe what you say?

652. Because I told you. You never believe me.

653. - You had a couple beers. - Yeah.

654. - You didn't do any drugs? - No.

655. Awright, Carmela, look, a... coupla beers.

656. Should be grounded, yeah, but it's not the end of the world.

657. What?

658. Oh, you know what?

659. I am sick of your bullshit, both of you.

660. - He can go live with you. - Don't get dramatic now, all right?

661. - What? Great. Good! - Shut up!

662. I have never been more serious in my life.

663. Take out the trash. Go outside.

664. What are we gonna do? Really.

665. What did I just say?

666. No, I mean, really. Come on.

667. Did you think I was joking?

668. Carmela, this is normal teenage shit.

669. You remember us?

670. The CYO dance. We left Artie out in the snow. He almost lost his fingers.

671. And we still laugh our asses off about it.

672. No, I don't really blame A.J.

673. He's doing exactly what he's supposed to.

674. He's testing the limits as much as he can.

675. - I blame myself. - What are ya talkin' about?

676. You don't know what it's like to have your son hate your guts.

677. He doesn't hate your guts.

678. Oh, thank God he's alive.

679. It's my fault, Tony.

680. My pathetic need to compete with you clouded my judgement.

681. Or I never woulda let him stay over in New York. I knew he wasn't ready!

682. I went against all my instincts.

683. His eyebrows'll grow back! Nothin' really happened!

684. No, you know what happened,

685. I said fuck it. And you know why?

686. To get him to love me as much as he loves you.

687. He loves you. It's just... You're his mother. It's different.

688. I can't be the villain anymore. I mean it.

689. And I can't say fuck it.

690. Take him. Let him live with you.

691. Homina homma homma homma...

692. - Ed Norton? - Ed Norton?

693. Sorry, Mr. Kramden.

694. No, the correct answer is Stephen Foster.

695. But thanks so much, you've been a wonderful contestant and a swell sport.

696. Goodbye, Mr. Kramden.

697. He's here.

698. Hey! Tarall's, expiration date 2007.

699. Over there.

700. Have a seat.

701. Uh-oh.

702. Sounds serious.

703. You have anything to do with that wedding takedown in Ringwood?

704. Why? Is that a problem?

705. I told you that doctor was a friend of mine.

706. I deliberately used that word.

707. Are you aware of how many things

708. a fuckin' M.D. can do for us?

709. Sorry, Godfather. He was in the game.

710. I thought he was just another pigeon.

711. Who authorized you to do it? And don't call me godfather

712. with that fuckin' cute smirk.

713. I know I was away for a long time,

714. but when did that happen,

715. you gotta ask permission to ply your trade?

716. Here's your end! Be happy!

717. When were you gonna tell me about it if I hadn't called you here?

718. I'm here now! I'm tellin' you about it now!

719. That's the second time I'm playin' catch-up with you!

720. - What the fuck are you talkin' about? - The lawn cuttin'!

721. I have to send you a memo

722. every time I move my bowels, too?

723. You're so concerned about my end, why didn't you

724. put one of those cars through my shops?

725. What? Johnny Sack told me about this guy in Newberg.

726. - Johnny Sack? - Yeah, Johnny Sack.

727. Anyway, he gave me a better deal for shippin' 'em whole.

728. Are you fuckin' serious?

729. I don't like the way I'm being talked to here!

730. What did I tell you when you came to me,

731. said you wanted back in?

732. I said as long as you don't step on anybody's toes.

733. - In my day... - And that's another thing.

734. I don't wanna hear no more about how it was in your day.

735. You just keep your antidotes to local color,

736. like Dynaflows or McGuire Sisters or shit like that.

737. Otherwise, shut the fuck up!

738. Jesus Christ, Feech, I'm tryin' to ease your transition here,

739. and this is the thanks I get?

740. I'm sorry if I offended you.

741. You gotta remember, Tony, I still think of you as a kid.

742. I'll learn.

743. Yeah?

744. Yeah.

745. That's funny!

746. C'mere.

747. Ah, shit.

748. We all right?

749. Just... get the SL55 back, okay?

750. Ya know, maybe I was too hard on that guy.

751. Did I learn nothin' from Richie Aprile?

752. Huh?

753. Nip it in the bud.

754. Feech?

755. He's well liked, T.

756. That's another thing.

757. All right, well,

758. don't be so hard on yourself, though.

759. - Hey! Olsen and Johnson. - How ya doin'?

760. We stopped by the bakery, they said you left already.

761. That's the Canali suit I promised ya.

762. He said you should try on the jacket,

763. see how the sleeves are.

764. - How's that? - How's that?

765. I look better than Sinatra.

766. - Very nice. - All right.

767. Hey, I'm havin' my wine and peaches... you want?

768. No, thanks. We gotta get goin'.

769. - I'll try some peaches. - Good!

770. Peaches are from fuckin' New Zealand.

771. They're great. I'll get you a glass.

772. No, we should go. Take care of that thing.

773. - It can't wait? - Where the fuck ya goin'? Come on, sit down.

774. We gotta do this shit. You don't wanna know, it's all fucked up.

775. What?

776. My imbecile cousin,

777. he was weldin' his boat trailer,

778. burns down his garage.

779. Now we got no place to park the truck that we got.

780. What's wrong with the street?

781. Georgia peaches. Those are considered the best.

782. See, he don't want me to know what's in the truck.

783. Flat screen TVs, 50-inch plasma Philipses.

784. Guy's comin' down from Montreal, but he got delayed a coupla days.

785. - I got a garage right here. - My cousin's mother's got a place,

786. - we can lock it up there. - Park the load here.

787. This way I'm around, keep my glims on the stuff.

788. Yeah? How much you gonna want for that?

789. - Two. - Fuck you, Feech!

790. - It's fuckin' parkin'. - You gotta kick in a TV.

791. Thought I had a plan for Anthony,

792. but I'm not so sure now.

793. I don't know if Rutgers's summer program

794. accepts boys without eyebrows.

795. So you heard about that.

796. I was a wreck.

797. I mean, look what happened to those girls just drivin' to school.

798. We brought in grief counselors.

799. How's Anthony coping with that?

800. I have to say, he never mentioned it.

801. They all handle tragedy differently.

802. Actually, he just moved in with his father.

803. - I don't know if he said. - Really?

804. I don't know what you might have heard about my husband.

805. Some.

806. I mean, he's a good father, don't get me wrong.

807. Our daughter is at Columbia.

808. My friends tell me I'm a snob with this college business,

809. but with Anthony, it's something else.

810. I just know that if he didn't get into a good enough school to interest him,

811. and he dropped out, went to work as a waiter or something,

812. he wouldn't last a week.

813. He would be drawn right in... you know.

814. My husband doesn't want that for him either.

815. You met him. My husband can be very magnetic.

816. Bigger than life.

817. And I was so young. It was very exciting.

818. Anyway, he's over there.

819. I don't know, maybe it'll be good,

820. you know, learning the things that men need to know.

821. Well...

822. Anyway, so what about you? How long have you been at the school?

823. Since '86.

824. I suppose that's what caught me up too, with Astrid.

825. Some notion of escaping the quotidian.

826. So you were married.

827. For about, well, five minutes.

828. Chicken marsala?

829. And the honey balsamic chicken.

830. Thank you.

831. Hey, have you read Madame Bovary?

832. - No. - It's almost a perfect novel.

833. Flaubert writes about bourgeois loneliness and emptiness.

834. Emma Bovary destroys herself for some fantasy in her head.

835. It's great. It's truly great.

836. Somehow horrifically funny, though tragic...

837. I think you might enjoy it.

838. Well, I will stop by Borders on my way home. Heh heh.

839. Who was it by again?

840. Gustave Flaubert.

841. Heh heh.

842. Heh.

843. Yeah?

844. Supervisor Curran, parole board.

845. Site visit.

846. Where's Eddie Stimich?

847. He's out sick.

848. Just wanna take a look around.

849. The only thing better about here than Russia is the food.

850. Good one.

851. Eddie examined every fucking dust bunny in the place

852. - just last week. - Is that new?

853. Uh...

854. Bequest. Friend of mine passed away.

855. That your garage?

856. Nah. It's where I make the weapons of mass destruction.

857. Let's go out and open it up.

858. You wanna see my fuckin' garage?

859. You never seen an oil stain before?

860. Let's go.

861. Here's the wind-up...

862. and the pitch.

863. - Aw! - Come on!

864. Fuck Major League Baseball.

865. Ever since the fuckin' strike. Let's watch ballet.

866. - Oh, somebody hot-boxed us? I saw you close the window!

867. - What's that? - It's when you close all the windows

868. and fart on purpose.

869. That's a "Dutch oven."

870. In bed it's a Dutch oven.

871. Well, what's a Dutch oven?

872. When you fart in bed with a woman

873. and you force her head under the covers.

874. That's awesome.

875. Yeah, but first you gotta be in bed with one.

876. Yeah, you'd be surprised.

877. - Whoa! - Oh!

878. Yeah, I would.

879. Oh, my God! What... Jesus!

880. All right, that's enough. Go upstairs, do your Spanish homework.

881. Gimme fifteen minutes.

882. No. Now.

883. Charge!

884. Charge!

885. Charge!

886. - And he goes down looking. - The end of the inning.

887. Just got the call.

888. They put him on a Corrections bus this morning.

889. This was the better move than takin' him out.

890. Man was a legend.

891. Christopher agrees, by the way.

892. That's nice that he agrees.

893. But I'm not runnin' a fuckin' popularity contest.

894. Mommy! Look at me!

895. Anthony!