The Sopranos 3x5

1. How are you feeling from your accident?

2. Fine. Thank you.

3. Honestly? If you told me five years ago

4. I would be sitting here today...

5. Anthony's attacks, how do they make you feel?

6. Well, concerned, of course.

7. And helpless.

8. A little frustrated, maybe.

9. With your inability to help him?

10. To tell the truth, I was referring

11. to your inability to help him.

12. She has helped me.

13. What are you talking about?

14. You've been coming here for three years, Tony.

15. You still pass out on a regular basis.

16. I understand your frustration.

17. Did Anthony share with you any of our insights

18. about his last panic attack?

19. I told you, remember?

20. The gabagool,

21. and my mother when I was little kid.

22. Right, yes.

23. Do you think that there's anything

24. in the present family dynamic that could serve as a trigger?

25. Something in your dialoguing, perhaps?

26. Excuse me?

27. I don't really know you that well.

28. We're trying to get to root causes.

29. Like maybe you do things, you know,

30. that have some effect on me?

31. Oh, really.

32. What?

33. People affect each other in life.

34. Oh, I get it, is this how it works?

35. You can't get any answers out of him,

36. so you start looking for someone else to point the finger at?

37. She's not saying anything!

38. Why are you getting so defensive?

39. You know what, Tony?

40. Maybe you should explore your own behavior.

41. Maybe you pass out because you're guilty over something.

42. Maybe the fact

43. that you stick your dick into anything with a pulse.

44. You ever thought of exploring that as a root cause?

45. Very nice. That's very nice.

46. Mm-hmm.

47. I told you months ago,

48. I broke it off with that Russian person.

49. Right?

50. It's incredible. Like people who smoke their whole lives,

51. and then they sue the cigarette companies when they get cancer.

52. You know, you agreed to come here.

53. Oh, forget it, this is fucking ridiculous.

54. Right, just sit there.

55. Silence, anger.

56. Then you pass out, and you blame the rest of the fucking world.

57. Yeah, I love you too.

58. You're both very angry.

59. Yeah, you must've been in the top of your fucking class.

60. Oh, Jesus Christ.

61. What?

62. Great.

63. And I'm the one that doesn't fucking communicate?

64. You want to know what's wrong?

65. After 19 years of marriage,

66. I find it very sad that we have to pay someone

67. to teach us how to interact.

68. You were all in favor.

69. Slow down.

70. Stop driving like a maniac.

71. Maybe we'll fucking die.

72. You think this is easy for me?

73. It's like being the new kid at school,

74. where everybody jumps down your throat

75. every time you open your mouth.

76. Who's picking on you?

77. She took your side with everything you said.

78. Oh, will you, please?

79. I'm sure you'll have a good laugh about it

80. the next time you're alone.

81. Yeah.

82. Oh, motherfucking fuck!

83. God!

84. Jesus Christ.

85. Are you happy now? What did I tell you?

86. It's a fucking speed trap.

87. How you doing?

88. Got new shoes. Soles are a little heavy.

89. License, registration, and insurance card, please.

90. You're with the township, right?

91. I think I had dinner with your boss last week.

92. Tony Soprano.

93. Would you please remove the license from the wallet?

94. Do you know why I stopped you, sir?

95. Yeah, I do. I'll tell you what.

96. Why don't you and your wife have dinner on me,

97. and you can tell her about it.

98. Are you offering me a bribe, sir?

99. Of course not.

100. You gotta relax a little.

101. Would you shut the engine, please, sir?

102. Just out of curiosity,

103. what happens if I don't feel like shutting the engine?

104. Dispatch 582, request backup.

105. Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

106. Tony.

107. 582, what's your 20?

108. Dispatch, cancel backup.

109. This the high point of your career?

110. Wait in the car.

111. Our tax dollars hard at fucking work.

112. It makes you sick.

113. You'd think they'd be out arresting dope dealers.

114. Can you believe this shit?

115. This fucking smoke's actually writing me up.

116. Stay in the car, Tony.

117. Affirmative action cocksucker.

118. What'd Freddie want again?

119. I don't know, peppers and eggs.

120. Come on, help me carry that shit.

121. Nah, I saw a meter maid.

122. Bullshit.

123. Hey, get me a Manhattan Special if they got it,

124. instead of the Coke, all right?

125. - Maybe Avery did. - How the fuck should I know?

126. Bullshit! Every time I hear your machine,

127. there's some new motherfucker on it!

128. Fuck you, you shouldn't be listening to my machine, loser!

129. - Shut your mouth! - You know what?

130. Fuck you.

131. Don't call me anymore!

132. Get back in the goddamn car!

133. You think you could give me a ride up to the Point?

134. What the fuck are you looking at?

135. We're on a job in Teaneck.

136. Come on, it's two minutes.

137. Fucking twat. Get back here, Tina!

138. Eat shit, asshole!

139. Come on, can't you just do me this favor, please?

140. Look, why don't you just go with him?

141. Come on, can't you just take me?

142. I can't. Look, there's a car service by the liquor store...

143. Sal!

144. - Fat piece of shit! - What the fuck are you doing?

145. He didn't do anything!

146. Come on, you wanna fuck her?

147. Sal, what are you doing? Stop, he didn't do anything!

148. Sal, what are you doing?

149. Stop! Sal!

150. Get back in the fucking car!

151. - He didn't do anything! - Get in the car!

152. - He didn't do anything! - Get in the fucking car now!

153. Bryan! Bryan!

154. Hey.

155. How are you?

156. Thanks for coming, Tony.

157. - Yeah. How you doing? - Hey.

158. Hey.

159. I brought him some Whitman's.

160. How's he doing?

161. I talked to him before. I think he squeezed my hand.

162. But...

163. He's gonna be a vegetable, Tony.

164. A fucking retard.

165. No, he's gonna be fine.

166. Well, look at the bright side. He wasn't that smart to begin with.

167. Come on, it's a tense situation.

168. A little fucking levity, huh?

169. - What are you doing here? - I can't visit my cousin?

170. I want this cocksucker

171. to bleed from his ass, Skipper.

172. You got it.

173. Just say the word, my fucking pleasure.

174. Why don't you go grab us some coffee.

175. Come on, are you kidding?

176. Better yet, go to the Ear, Nose and Throat department,

177. get your hearing checked.

178. All right.

179. Obviously you told the cops you don't know who did this.

180. I'm upset, but please,

181. I know how to keep my mouth shut.

182. Unless, of course,

183. there's a salami sandwich around.

184. What the fuck is wrong with you?

185. We're trying to have a meeting here.

186. Oh, two minutes he's in charge, he's fucking Lee Iacocca.

187. Come on.

188. Not here, come on.

189. There's no beef between your brother and Mustang Sally?

190. Didn't owe him any money, nothing like that?

191. No, nothing.

192. No, this kid's a whack job.

193. Meadowlands, last year, remember?

194. Threw a hot dog vendor off the second mezzanine?

195. Too many fucking onions or some shit.

196. Gig'...

197. you'll get him under control?

198. With extreme fucking prejudice.

199. We gotta go.

200. All right.

201. Okay, Ton'.

202. Hey, he's gonna be fine.

203. Thanks, Tony.

204. And if I go and prepare a place for you,

205. I will come back again and take you to myself,

206. so that where I am, you may also be.

207. This is the word of the Lord.

208. Thanks be to God.

209. There are many rooms in my Father's house,

210. most certainly one for Febby.

211. Febby lived a full life,

212. a life of service to others.

213. His 78 years saw him serve his family as a devoted father,

214. his country as a supply sergeant

215. in the Pacific Theater,

216. and most importantly, our Lord,

217. as a devout Catholic.

218. When I last visited Febby in the hospital,

219. he had just finished his last round of chemotherapy.

220. Though frail and extremely thin,

221. his fighting spirit was still intact.

222. His body was racked with pain.

223. You know Greg D'Aiuto?

224. His grandfather died of cancer.

225. They froze his head till they find a cure.

226. Mary. Carmela.

227. Hugh, Hugh.

228. Oh.

229. For the poor box.

230. Thank you.

231. I'm going to check out the hearse.

232. Don't get lost, A.J.

233. Well, I'll see you at...

234. See you, Father.

235. Come here, you. Let me look at you.

236. Hey! Come here!

237. Why didn't you tell me your old man was coming?

238. He wanted to surprise you.

239. Oh, you mean old prick.

240. I thought you were in Miami playing shuffleboard.

241. It's too hot there.

242. I come up to see the grandkids, you know?

243. And my doctor's here.

244. Yeah, Bobby said you weren't feeling too good.

245. How you doing?

246. I'm gonna bring the car around.

247. I'm sorry about your uncle.

248. Actually, Febby was Carmela's uncle.

249. Buon anima.

250. He should rest in peace.

251. 94 pounds when he died, Carm's mom was saying.

252. He was always thin. What do you expect?

253. As long as I got you here...

254. your godson,

255. Mustang Sally Intile,

256. he did a Lee Trevino off a guy's head.

257. That little prick is my godson in name only.

258. I only stood up as a favor to his father.

259. Well, I'm just saying,

260. 'cause this isn't the first time.

261. You do whatever you gotta do.

262. All right, just so you heard it from me.

263. Thank you.

264. And I want you to know that I appreciate you

265. looking out for Bobby.

266. Bobby? What, are you kidding me?

267. He's been a huge help with my uncle.

268. That one don't need any help.

269. Out of jail on a fucking medical?

270. He makes me laugh, your uncle.

271. That's right, we're talking about you,

272. you cagey fuck.

273. Huh?

274. You got them all fooled.

275. Yeah, that's right.

276. There's Bobby.

277. - Yeah. - I'm sorry for your loss.

278. - All right. - Okay?

279. - See you later. - Okay.

280. Hey, hey, hey.

281. What the fuck? He's really sick?

282. - That cough. - What do you want?

283. He smoked those Camels since he was in short pants.

284. Lung cancer?

285. Oh, fuck. Marone.

286. Another toothpick.

287. What kind of way is that to talk about a sick person?

288. Good night now.

289. Good night. Thank you.

290. Forty-two years.

291. My God.

292. When it's right, it's right.

293. We said we'd save the Barolo for a big night?

294. Check out these numbers.

295. - Huh? - Oh, my God.

296. - I knew we were busy... - Not bad, eh?

297. I think I'm gonna pass on the wine tonight.

298. A night like this, you're gonna make me drink alone?

299. What is it? You okay?

300. Oh...

301. Actually...

302. You know I love it here, and you are a great boss.

303. But Christopher doesn't want me working anymore.

304. Please don't be mad.

305. No, I'm not mad at all.

306. I'm happy for you.

307. You know, with his change in situation.

308. You know how he is.

309. You think I wanna be stuck in this prison?

310. I really wanted to give you notice.

311. I was supposed to tell you two weeks ago.

312. But is it all right if tonight's my last night?

313. Yeah.

314. I guess I'll get Charmaine to cover.

315. Oh, thank you!

316. I was so nervous about telling you.

317. Mwah.

318. Christopher's picking me up, so I'm gonna go fix my makeup.

319. Okay?

320. Of course.

321. You're not gonna jump me?

322. What?

323. I'm open here.

324. I'll have to king you.

325. Fuck it, I don't wanna play.

326. I don't really wanna either.

327. What's with you? All day, Gloomy Gus.

328. Sorry, it's just...

329. it's my father.

330. He's a tough man. He'll beat the fucking thing.

331. It's not the cancer. It's Tony.

332. Tony?

333. Well, what about him?

334. Stop speaking in anagrams.

335. He okayed my dad to do the hit on Mustang Sally.

336. Well, the prick put that Spatafore kid in a coma.

337. Fuck Sally. I'm worried about my father.

338. He can't do this.

339. He's been retired for seven years.

340. What's this we're in, the Navy?

341. It's not that.

342. This was a proud man, Junior.

343. He's over the other night,

344. I had to help him off the toilet, he's so weak.

345. Will you shut the fuck up with the toilets?

346. All this goddamn morbidity?

347. I'm sorry. You're right.

348. Fuck.

349. At this point in a man's life,

350. to have him do something like this.

351. You know I never ask you for anything.

352. You could tell Tony I'll do it myself if he wants.

353. Fuck what he wants.

354. I'm still the boss of this family.

355. You're right.

356. I'm sorry.

357. Stop your crying. I'll tell him.

358. Making me fucking depressed now.

359. Old Man Bacala's okay with this. What do you give a shit anyway?

360. What is it with you and these power trips?

361. What the fuck are you talking about?

362. Pardon me. May I?

363. Yeah, yeah.

364. Your girl got any coffee out there?

365. Oh, I think we can rustle some up.

366. Tax code. Another client.

367. IRS troubles.

368. Sorry, Mel.

369. To find a place they're not allowed to bug...

370. Dr. Schreck's office has a full waiting room.

371. I said too much anyway.

372. It has to be the Old Man, huh?

373. There's no other way?

374. There's a million other ways.

375. But this one'll work.

376. And it was Gigi's idea.

377. I'm not cutting his fucking balls off.

378. Mustang Sally's MIA.

379. Two days ago, he reaches out to Old Man Bacala for help.

380. Old Man Bacala's his godfather.

381. He can get close without arousing suspicion.

382. It still doesn't sit right.

383. He's done it a thousand times.

384. He's a sick old man.

385. Good, give him something to live for.

386. So I told him, I'd take those Duncan Sheik records

387. and shove them up his ass.

388. Wait a minute.

389. Who let this one in here?

390. Oh, Wolfgang Fuckface.

391. Hey, Artie.

392. The man who stole her away.

393. Adriana. She gave her notice.

394. Help yourself.

395. You better be good to that girl...

396. you cocksucker.

397. No wonder the food sucks.

398. You're supposed to cook with the wine, Artie.

399. Three years.

400. Best hostess I ever had.

401. This piece of shit steals her away.

402. Artie, come on, huh?

403. Ah, come on, he knows I'm breaking his balls.

404. All right.

405. All right.

406. Seriously, though...

407. I'm you?

408. I'd hire a food taster.

409. You don't want to fuck with a chef, my friend.

410. What, you think you're the only one

411. who knows how to swing a meat cleaver?

412. Fuck you.

413. Artie.

414. I'm kidding, huh?

415. You wanna try cooking with one fucking eye?

416. All right, that's enough! That's enough!

417. Go wait outside!

418. Now!

419. What the fuck?

420. What the fuck is wrong with you?

421. She's his fucking fiancée.

422. I loved her.

423. I fucking love her now.

424. Artie...

425. do me a favor.

426. Don't ever fucking say that again to anybody ever.

427. What am I, a joke?

428. Yeah, a stupid fucking bald one.

429. Not to mention married, hm?

430. Can I tell you something?

431. She's a cunt.

432. My fucking wife.

433. A girl like Ade, that's a woman.

434. - If I still had my hair... - Artie, she's a young girl.

435. You could have hair like fucking Casey Kasem,

436. it won't make a difference.

437. Yeah.

438. All right, look, go in the back.

439. Get some coffee.

440. Go home, go the fuck to sleep.

441. I should go apologize.

442. Not right now, okay?

443. Let me talk to Chris.

444. You go home.

445. Call me tomorrow.

446. Got a business opportunity over in Newark.

447. Jesus-fucking-Christ.

448. Mr. Spears for you on three.

449. Seth, I gotta take this.

450. All right.

451. - Hey. - So, what's the story

452. with this fucking speeding ticket, Assemblyman?

453. What? I'm on it, I told you.

454. I just got some fucking letter in the mail.

455. - Throw it out, forget it. - What the fuck?

456. I gotta call my guy down at the DMV to get this squashed?

457. I told you, it's a deplorable situation,

458. and I'll take care of it.

459. Uh-huh.

460. Hey, good news about the Riverfront Esplanade thing.

461. Are we still on for Thursday?

462. Just straighten the fucking ticket out, okay?

463. Where's your father?

464. He called. He stopped by the bakery.

465. Wanted to pick up a shortcake.

466. He never comes empty-handed.

467. Talk to Tony?

468. No, I decided against it.

469. I didn't even call him.

470. You choose this life,

471. it comes with responsibilities, Bobby.

472. Nobody knows that better than your old man.

473. I was asking for me.

474. Teddy Roosevelt gave an entire speech once

475. with a bullet lodged in his chest.

476. Some things are a matter of duty.

477. Son of a bitch.

478. Are you all right?

479. I'm fine.

480. The fucking steps.

481. Well, here, sit down.

482. Jesus.

483. Fuck, is that blood?

484. Jesus Christ, call a fucking doctor.

485. No, no, no, no.

486. It's the nodules in his lungs.

487. It happens when he's out of breath.

488. Blessed St. Dennis, is this what it comes to?

489. Get him some water for chrissake!

490. These doctors, what are they doing for him?

491. I don't know. Whatever they do.

492. Water.

493. I want you to call John Kennedy.

494. He's the head of Oncology at St. Barnabas.

495. Junior, I'm happy with my guy.

496. What the fuck is he doing?

497. Are you taking the chemo?

498. Is he giving you oxygen therapy?

499. Junior, the cure's worse than the fucking illness.

500. Cocksucker! This is an outrage!

501. He can't have you clip someone in this condition!

502. Junior, I wanna do it.

503. Eight years sitting on my ass.

504. It'll feel good feeling useful for a change.

505. This Sally's a tough kid, Bobby.

506. What if things don't go your way?

507. If they don't, they don't.

508. What the fuck? I'm dead anyway.

509. Paul Newman started with the salad dressing,

510. now they're over a hundred million a year.

511. And you know how people love my sauce.

512. Arthur, you run a restaurant.

513. What do you know about mass production?

514. I have an associate's in Business, for God's sake.

515. How are we gonna grow if we don't take risks?

516. Going into business with a gangster isn't a risk.

517. That is a guaranteed disaster.

518. It's legitimate.

519. It's part of the revitalization.

520. The city of Newark is giving tax breaks

521. for reopening old factories.

522. I'm trying to work here, Artie.

523. Fuck the vegetables.

524. We have a chance to have our own company,

525. our own line of products.

526. Then why is it called "Satriale's"?

527. The pork store has a customer base.

528. Name recognition.

529. Vesuvio doesn't?

530. Your grandfather opened up in the '30s, Arthur.

531. Tony talked to this marketing research guy.

532. Product brandings beginning with the letter V

533. make people think of vagina.

534. It's a turn-off.

535. What did you just say?

536. Vaseline, et cetera.

537. The whole thing is...

538. Can't you see the opportunities here?

539. Yes, to be a front for a mobster.

540. Jesus Christ, already!

541. Oh, honey, when are you gonna learn, huh?

542. Be happy in thine own self.

543. I'm telling you, the DVD's incredible.

544. Flat screen, right? Fucking surround sound.

545. "In this world or the next, I shall have my revenge."

546. Here we go.

547. No, I'm telling you,

548. it's like the chariots are going

549. through the fucking house.

550. Skateboard's not enough.

551. Sweetheart, more water, please.

552. So, what's this I hear,

553. you got Old Man Bacala making a comeback?

554. He didn't hear it from me, Ton'.

555. Hey, I'm not trying to butt in.

556. Junior reached out, asked me to talk to you.

557. Old Man worked for him for a lot of years.

558. He's just looking out for him.

559. It does seem a little extreme.

560. But, hey, my man, googootz, he knows what he's doing, huh?

561. Glad I have your fucking approval.

562. Whatever you say, Cappy.

563. All right, here it is, okay?

564. For you, Junior, and anybody the fuck else.

565. Gigi's captain of that crew.

566. He gave the order.

567. I okayed it.

568. End of fucking story.

569. Tony, please, no offense.

570. Obviously, it's your call.

571. Yeah, obviously.

572. What?

573. Nothing.

574. It's just, you know,

575. I mean, sending an old man, what's he gonna do?

576. Gum the guy to death?

577. Anybody ask for your input?

578. No, no, I'm just saying...

579. you should let me do it.

580. I'll take this guy apart at the joints,

581. with him conscious.

582. This way.

583. We got all kinds...

584. Oh! It's Shaft.

585. What are you, here on a stakeout?

586. May I help you with something?

587. Yeah, I need a piece of this, about this long.

588. Unless you wanna come over to my house, check on my birdbath.

589. Make sure it's up to code first.

590. I'll check the computer.

591. Hey, get your ticket book.

592. Doesn't that constitute indecent exposure?

593. Actually, I no longer need my ticket book.

594. Your friend, the Assemblyman,

595. saw to it I was transferred to the property room.

596. So you're no longer the scourge of Cedar Grove?

597. Nor am I eligible for overtime.

598. Leon, take your break at 2:00.

599. Well, not that it matters, just so you know,

600. I didn't tell him to do any of that shit.

601. That was very kind of you.

602. We're out of stock.

603. Tony!

604. Tony, the phone!

605. All right, Jesus!

606. He'll be right with you.

607. - Who is it? - I don't know.

608. I'm going to Fortunoff's.

609. When are you coming home?

610. When I'm done.

611. - Hello? - It's Ron. You paged me?

612. Oh, yeah, yeah.

613. Listen, I ran into that guy.

614. You know, the traffic cop?

615. It's done, it's already taken care of.

616. I know, I know. It's just...

617. I don't know.

618. You got him busted off the street?

619. Fuck him, isn't that what you wanted?

620. Yeah, but it's kind of harsh, no?

621. Tony, I spoke to his unit commander.

622. Nobody likes the guy. He's a goddamn rabble-rouser.

623. Yeah, maybe, but...

624. I don't know.

625. Believe me, it goes beyond you.

626. The guy's depressed or something.

627. He's all wound up.

628. They think he might have some serious mental problems.

629. Cocksucker.

630. You're a liar!

631. What was he lying about?

632. - The old man? - I don't know. what's he look like?

633. Like an old fucking man.

634. He's all coughing and shit.

635. Uncle Bobby, thank God.

636. Thanks for coming.

637. More fucking stairs.

638. You should do yourself a favor. Quit while you're young.

639. Gotta die from something, papi.

640. Hey, fuck-asshole, take the shit outta here.

641. All right. I'm sorry.

642. Let me talk to my uncle.

643. Come on, over here.

644. Who's this little spic?

645. Guy I know, he fucks the lady whose house it is.

646. I'm sorry.

647. You know, you put that kid in a fucking coma, Sal.

648. And for what, talking to some puttan'?

649. I know I was wrong.

650. I'm sorry.

651. He wasn't some citizen.

652. The kid has friends.

653. I'm sorry, Uncle Bobby.

654. Anything, whatever Tony Soprano wants me to do.

655. Take it easy.

656. I got you a pass.

657. Thank you.

658. Thank you so fucking much.

659. It's good you called.

660. That's all I'm gonna say.

661. Tell Tony it will never happen again, I swear.

662. Or if it does, I'll at least yell "fore" next time, huh?

663. I'm sorry.

664. I shouldn't make jokes.

665. Get me a glass of water.

666. Yeah.

667. Oh, you want ice?

668. No.

669. Let the water run, though. Make sure it's cold.

670. Are you all right?

671. I'm fine.

672. So this guy's still in a coma?

673. What do you think? Should I visit him,

674. or is that too fucked up?

675. Yeah, I think you should go see him.

676. I don't know.

677. Maybe I should send him something.

678. Some flowers or some shit.

679. Oh, what the fuck?

680. Oh!

681. You fucking greaseball, you.

682. Come on, come on.

683. Any more smart remarks?

684. No, Mr. Bacala. Please, please! No more!

685. Oh, shit.

686. All the fucking luck.

687. I told him he shouldn't do it.

688. Had to go all the way to Staten Island to identify him.

689. He's a coldhearted prick, that nephew of mine.

690. Cocksuckers didn't even clean him up.

691. He still had bits of glass in his hair from the windshield.

692. What was he, 71?

693. I don't know, 68.

694. So, what did they say?

695. What was the cause of death?

696. Who? What do you mean?

697. The morgue. The cause of death.

698. Was it the cancer or the accident?

699. How advanced was the metastasis anyway?

700. All due respect, Junior,

701. what do you care about the details?

702. All this technical shit.

703. You're right.

704. The man's passed on.

705. We should let him rest in peace.

706. He was a good man, your father.

707. A good friend.

708. Motherfucker!

709. Goddamn it! Dirty bastards!

710. Son of a...

711. Jesus-fucking-Christ!

712. - Good night. - Bye.

713. A customer says good night, you barely look up?

714. I said it low.

715. Miss Personality over here.

716. What's with the glasses?

717. I left my contacts home.

718. You know, I don't know what your problem is,

719. but you've had a hair across your ass all week.

720. Lower your voice.

721. What, are you still pissed because I told you

722. you couldn't go into business with Tony?

723. You don't tell me fucking anything, Charmaine.

724. For your information,

725. I'm going into business with Tony.

726. If you do this, Artie,

727. if you choose Tony over me...

728. What? What are you gonna do, divorce me?

729. Is that what you want, Artie?

730. What? What'd I say?

731. This marriage is over, Arthur.

732. I'm serious, Artie.

733. Good, it's about fucking time.

734. And you're not getting the kids either.

735. Son of a bitch.

736. Hey, look who's here.

737. He volunteered to mow your lawn.

738. No, I didn't.

739. Hi, Anthony.

740. That time of year again.

741. I brought you the last of my sweet corn.

742. Well, what's the matter? You all right?

743. Anthony, be a good boy, huh?

744. Wait outside.

745. I need to talk to your father.

746. I'm telling you right now, if this is about old man Bacala,

747. I don't wanna fucking hear it.

748. I have cancer.

749. You have what?

750. Cancer. The big casino.

751. Jesus Christ, when'd you find this out?

752. Blood in my stool.

753. I had my first test the day before your mother's funeral.

754. That's why you been acting so fucking weird?

755. Well, is it...

756. I mean, what is it? Where is it?

757. Is it in your colon, or...?

758. My stomach.

759. Oh, Jesus Christ, Uncle Jun'.

760. They say how bad?

761. They won't know until they open me up.

762. I go in in two weeks.

763. This has to stay between us, Anthony.

764. Yeah, of course.

765. Look, we'll get you help. We'll get you the best there is.

766. First Jackie with cancer, then Febby.

767. Old man Bacala had it, but now you'll get me help?

768. These things come in threes.

769. Is that why you didn't want the old man to make the hit?

770. What'd you think, if he died of cancer,

771. he was gonna take your place?

772. I asked you not to make him do it.

773. Oh, Jesus Christ.

774. Un-fucking-believable.

775. I'm serious, Anthony, what I said.

776. Promise me that you'll dummy up about this.

777. Yeah, all right.

778. You're sick, people look at you different.

779. They treat you like a fucking non-entity.

780. I'm not kidding.

781. You can't talk about this with anybody.

782. Yeah, yeah, of course.

783. Of course.

784. Hello?

785. Uncle Jun's got cancer.

786. A lot of death.

787. Ma?

788. Seems like yesterday. Pop and emphysema.

789. Uncle Jun'.

790. Another toothpick.

791. Hey, Jan, come on, a little respect, huh?

792. I'm sorry, it's just what Ma used to say.

793. Yeah, that's right.

794. She said it about her own brother, remember?

795. Another toothpick.

796. Jesus.

797. What was he, like 36 years old, Uncle Mickey?

798. Liver cancer.

799. Jesus.

800. These old-timers.

801. I guess the more hard-ass their attitude...

802. the more they could suppress their feelings.

803. I think it's the illusion of control.

804. Control?

805. You say the most horrible shit you can think of

806. in the face of tragedy,

807. it's like you're saying to God,

808. "See? You don't fool me, asshole.

809. I know what you're planning."

810. Yeah, like they're trying to ward off some evil or some shit.

811. Remember how Ma,

812. she hated compliments?

813. Giving them or taking them?

814. Because then, maybe, at any minute, boom.

815. I really have been coming to know Christ.

816. Ma, Febby, Uncle Jun'.

817. Always comes in threes, huh?

818. And then there's the Holy Trinity.

819. You think that's a coincidence?

820. Hm?

821. What happened to Sal Bonpensiero, Ton'?

822. Witness Protection.

823. Would you like to pray with me?

824. Two weeks ago? Why didn't you say anything?

825. Did you report it at least?

826. To who, the rent-a-cops? Campus security's a joke.

827. Well, don't you think they should know they have a thief

828. preying on the school?

829. Who? What are you talking about?

830. Nothing.

831. Her bike was stolen from outside the library two weeks ago.

832. The ten-speed?

833. Did you lock it up?

834. They used bolt cutters.

835. Some black guy from the neighborhood.

836. One of the other kids saw him.

837. What?

838. Did I say anything?

839. A black guy.

840. Imagine that.

841. - Tony... - It's just,

842. you know, I can't believe it.

843. I am not listening to this shit.

844. Why don't you admit it?

845. You're thinking exactly what I'm thinking.

846. - Tony, what did I say? - What, is it my fault

847. you're twice as likely to be robbed by a black?

848. - That is so fucking racist! - It happens to be a fact.

849. From who, David Duke?

850. Why are they talking about this in the basement?

851. - No, try the FBI. - I saw it on TV.

852. So now you're quoting the FBI.

853. I don't think they're in the basement.

854. But the lamp.

855. That's right, it's on battery backup.

856. - Why? - For your information,

857. crime is an economic issue, not a racial one.

858. White or African-American, you're more likely to steal

859. if you're in a lower income bracket,

860. which most African-Americans are.

861. Good, then you'll feel better

862. when the next one takes your car stereo.

863. You are such a hypocrite!

864. This is what I've been trying to tell you all along.

865. You stay with your own people!

866. - Wait a second, where are you going with that lamp? - I'm taking it.

867. The halogen Nana gave me gives me a headache.

868. Hey, don't change the goddamn subject, both of you!

869. I'm out of here.

870. Yeah, be sure and call me when you need some money!

871. Good, now you got something you can rat me out about in therapy.

872. Marone, this place.

873. You only retire once.

874. Is that an earring?

875. Huh?

876. Your ear, I never noticed before.

877. This?

878. I've had this for years.

879. I don't wear it all the time.

880. Did Chris tell you?

881. We had a little run-in?

882. He's just jealous.

883. Of what? We're friends.

884. - I mean, you know how he is. - Oh.

885. I'm glad he didn't make you cancel tonight.

886. He don't know about tonight. He thinks I'm with Cindy.

887. I'm gonna miss you, Ade.

888. Oh, I'm gonna miss you too, Artie.

889. Charmaine, the busboys.

890. Charmaine...

891. What? What's wrong?

892. Charmaine and me, we're gonna...

893. try it apart for a little while.

894. Oh, my God, Artie, are you okay?

895. - The kids? - It's for the best.

896. Hey, did I tell you?

897. I'm gonna go into business with Tony.

898. What, like a restaurant?

899. Satriale Foods.

900. Probably gonna change the name to Vesuvio.

901. Sauce, tarall', ravioli.

902. That's great! Congratulations!

903. You change your mind about the marriage,

904. there's always room on my staff for a bright,

905. sexy vice president.

906. It's a big step, marriage.

907. You sure you're ready?

908. Yeah, I'm sure.

909. You know where the ladies' room is?

910. Yeah, I think it's...

911. I think it's behind the bar.

912. Okay.

913. No, no.

914. The plate is hot.

915. Restaurants, stores, slips for luxury yachts.

916. We'll go with my plumbing and electrical unions.

917. The steel, the brickwork, it's all yours.

918. We need to have a conversation about Local 187.

919. You gotta come by the office, see the scale model.

920. The guy even made little people walking on the street.

921. Fucking Newark.

922. They got little hookers giving little blow jobs?

923. I gotta go take a leak.

924. So I got a call from Eddie Vole at the PBA.

925. Your friend, the cop?

926. He's bitching about losing his overtime.

927. He's got some black officer's squad looking into his case.

928. Oh, yeah?

929. If you want, I can get it squashed.

930. Get him reassigned.

931. You know what?

932. Fuck him.

933. Cocksucker got what he deserved.

934. Yes?

935. The Tony Soprano wiretap has been neutralized.

936. What do you mean?

937. - Hello? - In here.

938. What are you doing? You're not ready?

939. I'm not going.

940. They gave you permission.

941. I can't.

942. I'm not up to it.

943. It's my father's funeral, Junior.

944. You hear me, I don't feel up to snuff.

945. You look okay to me.

946. Junior!

947. What's the matter?

948. Didn't you get the arrangement I sent?

949. My whole family's in the car.

950. I gotta tell you, Junior,

951. I take this as a personal insult.

952. - What do you think, I don't give a shit? - What am I supposed to think?

953. You selfish fuck. I can't go, because I'm sick.

954. I have cancer.

955. Cancer?

956. Oh, my God.

957. Real wisenheimer. Now how do you feel?

958. Two weeks, I go in for the surgery,

959. and they'll probably start me on the chemo after that.

960. Junior, I'm sorry.

961. I don't know what to say.

962. Yeah, yeah, all right.

963. I'll say a prayer for your old man.

964. My father.

965. Now you?

966. What the fuck is happening?

967. You will miss the boat.

968. Lady, I missed the boat a long time ago.

969. Including tax and delivery, it comes to $897.23.

970. Just make sure it gets to my house in one piece.

971. Come on.