The Sopranos 1x2

1. John Gotti.

2. Life in prison.

3. No chance of parole.

4. We've seen arrests and prosecutions

5. in Florida and elsewhere of top Mob figures.

6. What are you doing? Put that back.

7. Oofah!

8. Mosley not yet working to establish...

9. What's the situation on the ground today,

10. right now, in the Mob?

11. Confusion.

12. Instability.

13. Vacuum at the top.

14. - What caused the decline? - Your sister's ass.

15. An aggressive government policy

16. over two decades

17. to behead the crime families.

18. But wasn't it,

19. at least in part,

20. a disregard within the Mob itself,

21. of the rules that served the old dons so well?

22. - If the shoe fits. - Oh, there's no doubt.

23. Sil, cheer me up, babe.

24. Just when I thought I was out,

25. they pull me back in.

26. Is that Pacino or is that Pacino?

27. Fucking spitting image.

28. - Vincent Rizzo. - Yes.

29. Former soldier in the Genovese family.

30. Government witness-turned bestselling author.

31. Do you agree with U.S. Attorney Braun?

32. The party's over.

33. He is a wiseguy. Please elaborate.

34. Well, it's not like it was.

35. Cloning.

36. Mexicans are huge in that.

37. Fascinating, gotta admit it.

38. Because they work as parking valets.

39. I mean, now, do I mean that organized crime

40. is just gonna pack its bags voluntarily

41. and go the way of the dodo bird?

42. Vincent, they're not going the way...

43. What the fuck are you talking about?

44. Mexicans.

45. Well, what about them?

46. Cell phones.

47. I'm not talking about cloning cell phones.

48. Jesus, I'm talking about fucking sheep.

49. Science.

50. I tell my kids, only God can make a life.

51. Guy here asks,

52. "What if they had cloned Princess Di?"

53. But you know, the heyday?

54. You know, the golden age, or whatever, of the Mob?

55. That's gone.

56. And that's never coming back.

57. And they have only themselves to blame.

58. They pay this chiacchierone by the word?

59. I think it's drug trafficking.

60. - Oh! - And I think that ruined everything.

61. You're looking at a mandatory 35 to life in prison.

62. Guys started to rat on each other

63. just so they could avoid prosecution.

64. What's going on with that Princess Di?

65. Think the royal family had her whacked?

66. Last time I take a fucking limo in Paris.

67. Like you were ever in Paris, Paulie.

68. I went over for a blowjob.

69. Your mother was working the bonbon concession

70. at the Eiffel Tower.

71. Sil, did you hear what I told him?

72. Told him I went over for a blowjob.

73. "Your mother was working the bonbon concession

74. at the Eiffel Tower."

75. I got a list of people long as my leg I wouldn't want cloned.

76. The fucking mayor of New York,

77. that's the guy least likely to get cloned.

78. So the code of silence, or the omertá,

79. or whatever you want to call it,

80. just went by the boards.

81. You're always gonna have organized crime.

82. Always.

83. As long as the human being

84. has certain appetites for gambling,

85. pornography or whatever,

86. someone's always gonna surface to serve these needs.

87. Always.

88. Just when I thought I was out,

89. they pull me back in.

90. You got DVD players in back?

91. - Don't hurt me, man. - Only people get hurt,

92. the ones who try to be fucking jerk-offs, okay?

93. Now step down, nice and easy. Come on, move it.

94. Come on, he's got the DVD players.

95. Hey, quick and painless. Nobody wants to hurt your ass.

96. Okay, but you gotta tie me up.

97. You gonna be a jerk-off now?

98. My boss is gonna think I'm in on it.

99. What, do we look like we're trying for a merit badge?

100. We travel around with rope?

101. I've got some in the cab. Please, I need this job.

102. Okay, Jesus Christ, get him the rope.

103. Look, I don't know who in the company gave up the route,

104. but there's no way I could walk away unscathed

105. without being fired.

106. - You want to be scathed? - Yeah.

107. So it looks like I didn't give up without a struggle.

108. - Oh! Oh, that's cool. Thank you, man.

109. That's enough.

110. No, wait.

111. Oh!

112. - Scathed? - Scathed.

113. He's scathed. All right.

114. Mr. Miller, my science teacher,

115. he got his car stolen.

116. You're kidding. From where? His house?

117. Mm-mm. Right from his parking spot at school.

118. - Oh. - A Saturn.

119. He only had it like a year.

120. The security people at that school are a joke.

121. Did you hear what Anthony Jr. just said?

122. Mr. Miller's car got stolen.

123. Refresh my memory. Who's he again?

124. He's your son's science teacher.

125. You're up early, Dad.

126. He just bought that car a year ago.

127. So? Insurance will pay.

128. Yeah, but they don't give full value.

129. And these poor teachers, they don't make a lot.

130. So he can work his summer vacation.

131. Maybe you could help find it.

132. Funny, I thought I told you I changed my name

133. from LoJack to Anthony Soprano.

134. Laugh. I thought I'd pee in my pants.

135. Seriously, though. Pussy's got the body shop.

136. He couldn't ask around?

137. I'm late.

138. What are you getting in science?

139. D-plus.

140. See what I can do.

141. That's not what I meant.

142. He's gotta work for his grades.

143. I'm going back to bed.

144. - Bye, Dad. - See you later.

145. Here, eat this.

146. Technology comes to the Bing!

147. Hey, Christopher, where you been?

148. Come on.

149. - Let's go. - Come on, come on.

150. - Hey, is the load here? - Yeah.

151. Georgie, if a guy named Serge calls, tell him I'll be back.

152. Ton', these new phones systems. Hold, conference.

153. Sometimes I get confused.

154. How complicated is it?

155. You answer the phone, you take the fucking message.

156. The voice mail only comes on if you let the phone ring.

157. Jesus Christ, Georgie.

158. I hear there's not as many titles available as on laser.

159. You know, there's more coming, though.

160. My internist told me the picture's not that different

161. from the laser either, Ton'.

162. But the sound? Way improved.

163. Good, because nothing beats

164. popping up some Orville Redenbacher's

165. and listening to Men in Black, you know?

166. - All right, fuck it. - Hey, hey. No, no.

167. It's the goddamn wires, that's all.

168. I'll be glad to hook it up, Ton'.

169. You know, I used to be an installer.

170. Why can't you be nice to Brendan?

171. We discussed that.

172. Ton', I was just gonna come looking.

173. It's the guy for you.

174. Serge?

175. I'll take it over there.

176. Serge?

177. You press "hold" when you transfer a call.

178. I'm sorry, Tony.

179. Now he's not gonna call back.

180. Brend's a good earner, T.

181. This jack was his plan.

182. Yeah, he's a good kid, but I don't like that methamphetamine.

183. Ah, fuck. I gotta call my mother.

184. Hello?

185. Hello, Ma?

186. Oh! Look who calls!

187. How you doing?

188. I was wondering when you were gonna call.

189. Well, you can stop wondering now.

190. This is it. I'm calling you.

191. I called you yesterday, remember?

192. You were supposed to call me back?

193. I phoned your house.

194. Some operator answered the phone.

195. I couldn't understand a word she was saying.

196. Ma, how many times I gotta tell you?

197. That's not an operator. That's an answering machine.

198. Oh, fancy, fancy.

199. Here, let me turn the heat off under these mushrooms.

200. You know, you and my mother, you're like two peas in a pod.

201. She can't master the phone either, but she's 70 years old.

202. What's your fucking excuse?

203. What is she doing now?

204. Oh, my God.

205. Oh, my God!

206. Ma.

207. Ma?

208. Hey, Ma!

209. Oh, my God!

210. Ma!

211. Where the hell is she?

212. - Who is this? - It's Anthony.

213. The mushrooms, they're on fire.

214. All right, Ma, get the fire extinguisher under the sink, the one I gave you.

215. - Get it. - Oh, my God!

216. The wall's getting all black!

217. All right, Ma, hang up and call 911.

218. Ton', the guy's on the second line.

219. Aren't you coming over?

220. You press "hold," goddamn it!

221. Listen, Ma, I can't come over. I'm 40 minutes away.

222. You hang up and you call 911 and leave the house.

223. Look at how I live!

224. Ma, hang up and call 911.

225. - Hello? - Carmela, my mother's got a fire in the kitchen.

226. - Oh, my God. - Look, she's calling 911.

227. Can you get over there, please?

228. Yeah, I'm on my way.

229. Thank you, baby. I know you're busy.

230. Serge. Serge.

231. All right, listen, I can't talk to you right now.

232. I gotta go to an outside line.

233. Give me your number.

234. All right. All right. I'll call you back.

235. Is your mom okay?

236. This shit cannot go on like this.

237. Hey, T.

238. This teacher, they stole his car.

239. You got a plate number?

240. I'll call my wife.

241. Have a nice day, ma'am.

242. - Thanks, fellas. - No problem.

243. Ma...

244. I wish you would let me get somebody in here to help you.

245. You shouldn't be alone.

246. Help me what?

247. With the housework.

248. I have my ways.

249. A stranger could care less about doing it right.

250. Can I tell you something, though, Ma?

251. You need company.

252. Now, don't start with that nursing home business again.

253. This is not a nursing home.

254. It is a retirement community.

255. Want me to make you a little pastin,

256. get a little something in your stomach?

257. Ma, now I've told Tony

258. and I've told you many times.

259. You know you can always come and live with us.

260. I know when I'm not wanted.

261. I just invited you to come and share my home.

262. You want me to beg, that's different.

263. Leave this place...

264. that my husband and I shared?

265. Well, change can be a positive.

266. He was a saint.

267. That son of mine,

268. is he still having those fits?

269. They're not fits, Ma.

270. They're anxiety attacks.

271. No, he's on medication.

272. What BMW's charging us for paint?

273. O trippa di zia.

274. Been that way for six months.

275. When was I last here?

276. Hey...

277. we maybe caught a break here, boss.

278. Shop on Watchung Avenue said some guy's brought in

279. a Saturn with these plates, trying to unload it for parts.

280. Are you telling everybody this fucking car's for Tony Soprano,

281. and leave it all in one piece?

282. Yeah. Sure. It's for the kid's teacher.

283. My guy said that one of those goofballs

284. had a uniform on from, uh... Buttfuck's.

285. Whatever. The coffee shop. I guess the guy works there.

286. Watchung Avenue and what?

287. I'm fucking Rockford over here.

288. Decaf cappuccino prima nonfat magnifico,

289. double espresso regolare.

290. I'll take you over here, sir.

291. I think I'll have an espresso.

292. Paulie, you want anything?

293. They got any just coffee?

294. Our cafe du jour is New Zealand peaberry.

295. Marone.

296. Whatever.

297. That's 4.20. Pick it up over there.

298. One medium du jour. One single espresso regolare.

299. Here, keep it.

300. Du jour, espresso, coming up!

301. Honey, let me ask you.

302. My wife was in the body shop around the corner

303. on Watchung Avenue the other day.

304. The guy in front of her leaves,

305. and she sees he dropped his money clip,

306. but he was already gone.

307. And we'd like to get it back to him.

308. She said he was wearing a uniform like that there.

309. Real black hair, she said, tall, little earring.

310. I'm sorry, sir, but these stores are everywhere.

311. Yeah, tell me about it.

312. Fucking Italian people.

313. How did we miss out on this?

314. What?

315. Fucking espresso, cappuccino.

316. We invented this shit,

317. and all these other cocksuckers are getting rich off it.

318. Yeah. Isn't it amazing?

319. It's not just the money. It's a pride thing.

320. All our food.

321. Pizza. Calzone. Buffalo mozzarella.

322. Olive oil.

323. These fucks had nothing.

324. They ate puzzi before we gave them the gift of our cuisine.

325. But this? This is the worst.

326. This espresso shit.

327. Take it easy.

328. So she finally agreed to have somebody come in days.

329. Carmela called an agency,

330. and they sent over this Trinidadian woman.

331. But no matter what I do,

332. I feel guilty.

333. Why?

334. Well, the real reason is,

335. I know I can't let her live with us.

336. That doesn't seem very practical,

337. given her personality.

338. Well, it's my wife.

339. She won't allow it.

340. Where are your sisters in all this?

341. Oh, they cut it off with her a long time ago.

342. No way she's bunking with them.

343. So you're carrying all this guilt

344. when your mother is clearly someone who has great difficulty

345. in maintaining a relationship with anyone.

346. But she's my mother.

347. You're supposed to take care of your mother.

348. She's a little old lady.

349. Not to you.

350. She's very powerful.

351. Bullshit.

352. You accord this "little old lady"

353. an almost mystical ability to wreak havoc.

354. Let me tell you something.

355. You definitely don't wanna get her started.

356. There are some people

357. who are not ideal candidates for parenthood.

358. Come on.

359. She's an old sweetie pie.

360. What were some of the good experiences

361. you remember as a child?

362. The loving, warm ones.

363. One time we were down at the shore,

364. about '68, '69, the whole family.

365. My father, he tripped and he fell down the stairs,

366. and we were all laughing.

367. The whole family was laughing.

368. My mother was laughing.

369. Any other loving experiences?

370. Hey, she's a good woman.

371. She put food on that table every night.

372. I'm the ungrateful fuck

373. 'cause I come here and I complain about her,

374. and I let my wife exclude her from my home.

375. Hey, Ma?

376. - You Perrilyn? - Yes.

377. - Tony Soprano. - Ah.

378. - How you doing? - I'm fine, thank you.

379. Olivia, your son is here!

380. And isn't he a handsome thing?

381. And look what he brought.

382. Listen...

383. let's get one thing straight.

384. In the hours you're here taking care of my mother,

385. no ganja, okay?

386. Hey, Ma!

387. Fiore.

388. I'm not dead, unfortunately for some.

389. The tall ones are delphiniums.

390. You know, Frankie Valli, when he visits Jersey,

391. this is the florist he uses.

392. Aren't they beautiful?

393. You want me to put them on the dining room table, Olivia?

394. You make sure the bottom of that vase isn't wet.

395. Mr. Tony, would you like some tea or something?

396. Coke. Thanks.

397. So how's it going today?

398. She's stealing.

399. Who?

400. That ditsoon, "who."

401. That beautiful plate

402. that Aunt Settimia took from that restaurant in Rome,

403. it's gone.

404. I don't know, Ma.

405. She seems like a nice person.

406. She doesn't fool me for a second.

407. Sure she stole it?

408. Sure you didn't give it to one of the relatives?

409. You keep forcing your possessions on people,

410. thinking you're gonna die.

411. I wish it was tomorrow.

412. And she's so forward too.

413. Who does she think she is?

414. She's happy, Ma.

415. She's singing.

416. Anthony, I don't want her around here.

417. I can manage somehow.

418. No. No.

419. I'm not caving into you this time.

420. She stays.

421. Your uncle called here looking for you.

422. Uncle Jun'?

423. He sounded agitated.

424. Jackie, you're the boss.

425. Tell them to leave Comley Trucking alone.

426. Didn't know it was a Comley truck.

427. For 21 fucking years,

428. Comley's been putting food on my table.

429. Protection money.

430. Hey, Chris didn't know going in.

431. Bullshit.

432. You want my DVD player? You can watch Grumpy Old Men.

433. You're gonna be a fucking funny boy too, now, huh?

434. Hey, you're Sopranos.

435. Yeah, but Jackie, you go around

436. hoping you and your uncle can settle a thing,

437. just the two of you, not be invited to a fucking sit-down.

438. You got fucking Chiricahuas working for you.

439. - You don't control them. - Here we go.

440. - Here we go. - Jackie, you got a ruling?

441. The kids who hit that truck, they make restitution to Junior.

442. Done. It's done.

443. Christopher Moltisanti's a fucking loose cannon. And that Filone kid...

444. - For this, you get a man out of a sick bed? - Hey, fuck that shit.

445. Giacomin', how you feeling?

446. I may be acting boss

447. while the old man's a guest of the government,

448. but I wish somebody'd tell my bowels,

449. 'cause they don't obey.

450. Ah, the fucking chemo.

451. Maybe I should name a successor.

452. This day and age?

453. Who wants the fucking job?

454. Your mom tells me you got a girl coming in to help?

455. That's good.

456. All right, I gotta go.

457. I'll see you soon.

458. We okay?

459. All right.

460. A smoke he hires for his own mother.

461. Hey, Mikey, how's the boy?

462. - What boy is that, Ton'? - The one you sleep with.

463. Oh.

464. I was just kidding you. How you doing?

465. - I'm all right. - How's my uncle treating you?

466. We're covering our nut.

467. Hey, your nephew, what's he, retarded?

468. He likes to play with trucks or something?

469. "Retarded"? What if Jerry Lewis heard you talking like that?

470. Oh, that's muscular dystrophy, Ton'.

471. It's too bad they don't have a telethon for fuckface-itis, huh?

472. They found a cure yet?

473. Come on. I'm just kidding you.

474. Come on, you're a good sport.

475. Come on. All right.

476. - You all right? You all right? - Yeah. I'm all right. You?

477. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'll see you later.

478. Double cappuccino suprema.

479. Double cappuccino suprema.

480. Thanks.

481. Excuse me.

482. Large nonfat latte.

483. A guy fitting the description does work in this here branch.

484. His name is Eduardo Arnaz.

485. Him and his gay lover both work here.

486. And I got the address.

487. Paulie, you listening to me?

488. Yeah.

489. Oh, again with the rape of the culture.

490. Can we go find these Spice Girls already and get this over with?

491. Two small coffee du jours.

492. Half cap on one.

493. - What? - That's it!

494. What happened?

495. Beats me.

496. Did you say something to her?

497. Look, I know how to talk to people.

498. These blacks.

499. Who knows what they're gonna take the wrong way?

500. So she's gone.

501. Traffic and weather together on this Tuesday morning.

502. Here's Heather in the chopper.

503. Over here on the West Side,

504. the delay again this morning at the inbound Lincoln Tunnel.

505. About a 25-minute delay

506. if you're approaching it near Route 3.

507. The queue there beginning just before the Bergen Viaduct.

508. You got your goddamn marching orders yesterday.

509. Why didn't you pay the man his restitution?

510. Restitution, okay, but you know how much he wants, your uncle?

511. Fifteen dollars.

512. Hey, you jack the wrong truck,

513. that's what happens.

514. I didn't notice you rushing

515. to give back your fucking DVD player.

516. As a matter of fact, I'm enjoying it very much.

517. I screened The Bank Dick last night.

518. "Did you warble, my little wren?"

519. I'm not gonna pay it.

520. - Oh, yeah? - I'm serious.

521. No, serious is what happens if you don't pay, by my hand.

522. In my thoughts, I use the technique

523. of positive visualization.

524. How come I always feel undermined?

525. By what I did on the Triboro Towers situation alone,

526. I should've been made right then, boom.

527. Hm.

528. No, I'm fucking serious, Tony.

529. The books are closed.

530. Did you talk to Jackie about me?

531. They're not accepting any new members, okay?

532. You know, you got a reputation for immaturity,

533. and it's not gonna be improved by not paying the tributes

534. the acting boss demands of you.

535. Acting boss, my ass, Ton'. Come on.

536. Everybody knows you really run things

537. since Jackie became the "chemo-sabe."

538. Open the fucking door. Open the fucking door!

539. What the fuck?

540. All right. All right.

541. Fuck it.

542. But 15 grand is too much.

543. I'll tell you what.

544. You give me the 15K,

545. I'll talk to Uncle Junior personally,

546. and maybe I can get it to around 10.

547. One more thing.

548. You leave Comley Trucking

549. and every other fucking item on this planet

550. that belongs to my Uncle Junior,

551. including his hemorrhoid doughnut, the fuck alone.

552. Got it?

553. Yeah.

554. "Did you warble, my little wren?"

555. What do you think his commission'll be?

556. Two, three grand.

557. Ten to Junior.

558. We're lucky, we net 500 bucks from the whole thing.

559. Oh, man.

560. Oh!

561. Who is it?

562. What?

563. Mr. Arnaz?

564. What do you want?

565. You seen a schoolteacher's Saturn around here?

566. Come here!

567. Anybody else here, Desi?

568. - Eddie, I'm ready! - Yep.

569. Here comes Lucy now.

570. Those people at the airport shuttle are always late.

571. - Eddie! - You boys drove off

572. with the wrong car a couple of days ago.

573. - Oh, my Christ. - We ain't saying shit

574. until there's an attorney present!

575. Well, go ahead. Make a statement.

576. I got fucking Johnnie Cochran right here for you!

577. You boys put a real crimp in my week.

578. Ah, mannagg'.

579. Get over here.

580. Hey, Puss, here's the fucking set.

581. Look.

582. Fucking car's been chopped.

583. - Fucking useless now. - That's not it.

584. Then why is that car inside there?

585. You see it? That Dodge?

586. Why is that motherfucker wearing a fucking plate number

587. I been carrying in my shirt all week?

588. I don't know.

589. Let me tell you what's gonna happen here.

590. The two of youse are climbing over that fence

591. and shagging those plates.

592. But the razor wire...

593. Then one of you stays with us

594. while the other goes out on the street

595. and boosts another Saturn.

596. On the lookout for ducks, Dad?

597. Know the old man pretty good, huh?

598. Don't look so sad.

599. They were cute, but remember how pissed you were

600. about the pool filter?

601. It was special, them coming here, huh?

602. Don't you think?

603. I really wasn't into it.

604. What time's your grandma getting here?

605. She had to drive Fanny to the doctor's.

606. Then she is picking up my mother and father,

607. and they're coming here.

608. They're each gonna bring some antipast'.

609. You know, I complain about my mother all the time,

610. about how she just sits at home and feels sorry for herself,

611. but she's always ready to drive

612. those oldster friends of hers around,

613. ones that can't drive anymore.

614. I'm proud of her.

615. Gives me hope.

616. Ooh, it's getting chilly out here.

617. Make plenty of noise before you open the front door.

618. You never know who's in there.

619. There's my Star-Ledger.

620. Thanks.

621. Oh, this street.

622. It's another pain in the ass.

623. She broke her wrist on the steering column.

624. A minor concussion.

625. What about the other woman?

626. Hip.

627. We were down at the hospital till 2:00 in the morning

628. talking to her doctor and the staff gerontologist.

629. They're saying that she shouldn't live alone anymore.

630. She can't manage the telephone.

631. And yet you say she's very healthy and alert.

632. Like a bull.

633. Why?

634. I'm just thinking.

635. And I know there are other doctors who are right there,

636. but you know from your own life

637. that depression can cause accidents,

638. poor performance or worse.

639. So, what are you saying?

640. That unconsciously she tried to whack her best friend?

641. It's interesting that you would even take that from what I said.

642. Either way, she could need a change

643. in her living situation,

644. be around more people.

645. Well, we were looking at Green Grove.

646. That's a beautiful facility.

647. It's more like a hotel at Cap d'Antibes.

648. Yeah.

649. But to her it's a nursing home.

650. Well, she needs to be made to see the distinction,

651. that in fact she's embarking on a rewarding chapter.

652. I know seniors who are inspired and inspiring.

653. You're not forgetting about us, right, buddy?

654. Ladies?

655. Hey, we're the ones...

656. Kenny Portugal said, "Say hello."

657. Oh, yeah, Kenny.

658. What the fuck is with this cocksucker?

659. Back up. Back up.

660. Mr. Scorsese, good evening.

661. - Whoa. - Wow.

662. - Wow. - Ho-ho-ho!

663. Marty!

664. Kundun. I liked it.

665. So my boy at Comley...

666. said there's a truckload of Italian suits.

667. Those unload fast.

668. Mario'll take the whole load.

669. He said the shipment moves Thursday, 6:00 a.m.

670. Give me one good reason I should not jack this truck.

671. Hey, don't feel bad.

672. It's Junior's own fault.

673. He gives us no choice except to do it again.

674. Taking that outrageous fucking tribute.

675. It's like not only does he shit on our heads,

676. we're supposed to say, "Thanks for the hat."

677. It's not like I'm getting somewheres playing by the rules.

678. Fuck Tony.

679. "The books are closed."

680. - Blow me. - No, that's some true shit.

681. Come on, they're not confirming any new made guys?

682. - How come? - Fucking chaos.

683. Nobody knows who's running things anymore.

684. Guys, they don't even know

685. who to make payments up the ladder to in some cases.

686. I'm talking about the year 2000. The millennium.

687. Where do we go from here?

688. Mm.

689. Ma, this Virginia ham...

690. Go, go, and get yourself some more.

691. No. I'm full.

692. It's good, though.

693. You never let me feed you.

694. Ahem, so...

695. getting back to what we were talking about...

696. You want that lamp?

697. - Ma, lie down. - That lamp.

698. That's real ormolu.

699. You know what that's worth when it's new?

700. Ma, we're fixed good, lamp-wise, though thank you.

701. Take it, and take the Barcalounger.

702. Somebody's gotta take this...

703. this stuff before I die.

704. Otherwise there's gonna be an awful lot of stuff here

705. that the junkman's gonna have to cart off to the dump.

706. Ma, you're not gonna die.

707. Your stuff's not gonna be hauled off to the dump.

708. But you do have to start planning for your future.

709. You got the most rewarding chapter of your life coming up.

710. You know my good jewelry?

711. The stuff Dad gave you?

712. Yeah, some of those pieces

713. came right out of Cartier's window, huh?

714. Listen, Carm doesn't want it.

715. Not now.

716. What we both want is for you to live long

717. and wear your sparklers to your grandchildren's graduations.

718. I gave it all to your cousin Josephine.

719. What the fuck? The good jewelry?

720. She always admired it.

721. They don't have much money.

722. You gave a fucking cousin Cartier dinner rings,

723. and you give me a vibrating chair?

724. Your wife never showed any interest in my jewels.

725. She never complimented me on any of it, as I can remember.

726. You listen to me, now.

727. Before you do any more serious damage

728. to yourself or your grandchildren's inheritance,

729. you're gonna stop living alone right now.

730. I'm not going to that nursing home.

731. Green Grove is a retirement community,

732. and it's more like a hotel at Cap d'Antibes.

733. Who's he?

734. A captain who owns luxury hotels or something.

735. I don't know. That's not the point.

736. The point is, I talked to Mrs. DiCaprio over there,

737. and she's got a corner suite available with a woods view.

738. It's available now but it's gonna go fast.

739. Of course it's available. Somebody died.

740. Oh, Ma, you gotta stop! You gotta stop with this...

741. this black poison cloud all the time,

742. 'cause I can't take it anymore!

743. Oh, poor you!

744. You know, I got problems at work.

745. I got problems at home.

746. I got a friend who's been diagnosed with cancer.

747. Most parents would be grateful if their yuppie children

748. put as much thought into this as I did.

749. I'm not going to that place.

750. Then I will go to court, and I will get a durable power of attorney over you,

751. and I will place you there.

752. Then kill me now.

753. Go on. Go.

754. Go into the ham and take the carving knife

755. and stab me here.

756. Here! Now! Please!

757. It would hurt me less than what you just said.

758. You know, I know seniors that are inspired!

759. Yo, Monty, we said we'd meet out front.

760. You're not even dressed.

761. I'm taking a pass.

762. What?

763. It's Italian suits, Christopher.

764. There was a time in my life when being with the Tony Soprano crew

765. was all I ever dreamed of.

766. So, what am I doing?

767. This is some fucking note here!

768. Shh. Don't wake her up.

769. Come on. It's 5:15.

770. Maybe one reason why things are so fucked up

771. in the organization these days is guys running off,

772. not listening to middle management.

773. Fuck Tony. That's a quote.

774. We have to stick together.

775. Why be in a crew?

776. Why be a gangster?

777. Hey, coach?

778. Suck my dick.

779. Yeah.

780. Yo! Hey, yo!

781. We need some help over here!

782. Okay, let's be very cool, yo.

783. Get down out of the cab!

784. You heard the motherfucker!

785. - Hurry up! - Yo, chill.

786. I'm a friend of Billy's, your friend on the inside?

787. Yeah? Cool. No probs here.

788. "Increase the peace." That's our motto.

789. I'm gonna take my lunch, okay?

790. Yeah, whatever. Come on.

791. Hold up, man. You can't drive a Fisher-Price.

792. What's with the gun pointed sideways shit?

793. Get out! Come on! Get down!

794. You drive. I'll direct you.

795. Oh!

796. Jesus!

797. Control your shit, fool!

798. Fuck. Oh, fuck! Fuck!

799. Fuck!

800. Fuck! Junior-fucking-Soprano's gonna go apeshit!

801. Fuck!

802. You excited about coming to live with us, hon?

803. You will be. Trust me.

804. Oh, look, Ma!

805. Here's your stuff.

806. - Wow, they made good time. - Yeah.

807. You got your own bed and your dresser.

808. You know, when my grandmother went to live elsewhere,

809. they weren't allowed to bring personal effects.

810. All right, Ma, you gotta sign right here.

811. Yes?

812. Mr. Soprano, do you have an Uncle Junior?

813. He tracked me down here?

814. Line two?

815. Here you go.

816. Tell him I'll call him back.

817. He'll return the call.

818. He did?

819. Apparently, it's urgent. She said he sounded upset.

820. He'll call back.

821. Livia, did you ever hear the old Italian saying?

822. My aunt used to go...

823. What does that mean, Bonnie?

824. Time and patience change the mulberry leaf to silk.

825. You'll be all right?

826. Yeah. Sure.

827. Thanks for all your help.

828. I'm gonna make us a nice lunch.

829. I got some fantastic prosciutt' in there.

830. Hello?

831. Yep.

832. It's Christopher.

833. Yeah?

834. Christ, I've been calling for hours.

835. Give me a call back on an outside line.

836. T, don't get mad.

837. There's been a little shit.

838. I had nothing to do with it,

839. - so you know. - Spit it out.

840. Brendan hit Comley again.

841. He what?

842. And, uh...

843. the driver, you know...

844. No, I don't know.

845. I don't know.

846. He caught some friendly fire or something, and he's gone.

847. Oh, fuck.

848. Well, what do we do, T?

849. Now, Brendan didn't fence the load,

850. because now he's thinking maybe it was Mario

851. who dimed us to Junior last time.

852. Fuck!

853. Hey, Ton'.

854. Sorry you have to wreck your Saturday like this.

855. You boys.

856. You boys, I'll tell you.

857. It's beautiful stuff, though.

858. - Ton', I'm so sorry. - Shut up.

859. Just so long as you realize I had nothing to do with this, Ton'.

860. Ton', that's true. He stood home.

861. Shut up.

862. Stood home?

863. Did you do anything to stop it?

864. Did you offer any guidance?

865. What do we mean when we say "leadership"? Hm?

866. Ton', part of it's the crank, you know,

867. but I'm going into detox, swear on my mother.

868. Brendan, shut the fuck up.

869. You wanna get me clipped?

870. What are we gonna do?

871. What you're gonna do is you're gonna take these suits,

872. you're gonna put them back in the truck,

873. go over to Comley's main yard and give them back.

874. Oh, fuck!

875. And then you're gonna call my uncle,

876. and you're gonna tell him when it's done.

877. What about the dead guy?

878. You keep prodding him with a stick.

879. You light a candle to St. Anthony.

880. But I think you're fucked.

881. Ton'...

882. what if this didn't go back?

883. Would it be a problem?

884. You know, I don't see you assholes putting that rack

885. and that rack and this rack here back in the truck.

886. Just when I thought I was out,

887. they pull me back in.

888. Hey, Mr. Miller, your car is back.

889. My wife dropped me off this morning, and there it was.

890. It was right in my parking spot.

891. My uncle Pussy helped my dad locate it.

892. Your uncle Pussy?

893. Yeah, he's in the car business.

894. Well, I don't know what to say to your dad.

895. I mean, thanks, of course.

896. It's nice and clean too.

897. Whoa. Different keys.

898. Probably too much to hope

899. my papers are still inside the trunk here.

900. It's a different color.

901. Whoa.

902. Oh.

903. My dad's a hero.

904. Mm-hm.

905. Did you actually lose consciousness,

906. like with the ducks?

907. No.

908. Just the shortness of breath

909. and the white spots in my field of vision.

910. Improvement.

911. 'Cause I'm sad to put my mother away?

912. Sad is good.

913. Unconscious isn't.

914. She'll be in very good hands.

915. You've done the best for her.

916. She won't speak to me.

917. That is sad.

918. But whose choice is that?

919. Well, somehow, that doesn't make it any better.

920. Can you admit to yourself that, yes, you're sad...

921. but you're very angry and full of rage?

922. I'm sad.

923. It's hard to admit

924. that you might have feelings of hatred

925. towards your own mother, isn't it?

926. You're out of your tree.

927. Listen to me carefully.

928. Of course you love her.

929. What I'm trying to say is,

930. own the anger instead of displacing it.

931. Otherwise, it defines your life.

932. - You know... - It needs to be acknowledged.

933. It's a good thing time is up.

934. I don't wanna talk to you anymore.

935. "Hate your mother."

936. Shit.

937. A... what do you call it... a menu.

938. "Press two if you know your party's extension."

939. Is that an operator or an answering machine?

940. Let's see. Hello? Hello?

941. Hello? Hello?

942. "Press zero." Hello?

943. Hello? Hello?

944. Hello...