The Sopranos 1x13

1. Okay, we know what we're gonna do.

2. Till the government indicts, anyway.

3. Jimmy.

4. This answers your concerns?

5. I think a lot of good ground was covered.

6. Okay, I guess that's it.

7. You know, you gotta get the tickets.

8. I got them already. Don't worry.

9. Fuck, the Rangers are gonna lose anyway.

10. You're right, it's him.

11. All of a sudden he asks for a meeting

12. to discuss shit we already covered.

13. He's wearing a wire.

14. You got my okay.

15. Make sure you send a message to everybody else.

16. All right.

17. See you later.

18. Who was it that told me you hated the fucking Russians?

19. The two needle pricks Junior brought around

20. to pound my ass were Russian.

21. For a while I was bitter.

22. But Tony's goomar is Russian,

23. you couldn't ask for a nicer person.

24. These two tonight are friends of hers.

25. I got enough cologne on?

26. You smell like Paco Rabanne crawled up your ass and died.

27. Oh! Easy for you to say.

28. I don't get young ones like before.

29. Well, you're gonna be glad I got you out of bed tonight.

30. Russian boo-boos, you go for some basic foreplay,

31. they'll detail your car.

32. How's the hygiene over there?

33. I don't know.

34. This is here.

35. You didn't even let me put anything decent on.

36. Here we are.

37. - Hi, baby. How are you? - Hey.

38. - Is Tatiana here? - I'll go get her.

39. You are Jimmy?

40. Yeah, that's right. I'm Jimmy.

41. My man!

42. Big tits, little feet. A hit in any man's league.

43. Have a seat.

44. Fucking punk-ass pieces of shit.

45. What, did you forget I'm a captain?

46. Why don't you call for help on your radio mic,

47. you fucking rat.

48. - Mother of God. - What's the matter?

49. You're not wearing one tonight?

50. Nah, he didn't have time to put on anything decent.

51. God!

52. Get the piano dolly.

53. Come on, stop. I want to watch.

54. Kiss me!

55. Oh, Georgia O'Keefe.

56. Was that your back gate?

57. It's probably nothing. Come here.

58. That's what people always say in these creepy movies.

59. And the last thing I need is for your parents to come home

60. and your dad sees my Dominican ass.

61. Settimia!

62. Jesus fuck!

63. I just saw my grandmother go by the window.

64. How'd she get here from her nursing home?

65. Settimia!

66. Cakey!

67. Tell my sister to open the door!

68. Grandma, it's me, Anthony Jr.

69. Well, you've got whooping cough.

70. Get yourself under the vaporizer.

71. Holy shit.

72. Hey, what do you want, lady?

73. Go away.

74. I will never speak

75. another word to you again, Settimia.

76. Grandma, Aunt Settimia's dead.

77. It's me, Meadow.

78. Faccia brutta!

79. Grandma, it's Meadow, remember?

80. Come sit down.

81. Yes.

82. Meadow.

83. Oh, I can't stay in this house, honeybunch.

84. Not while that faccia brutta's in here.

85. Come on, Grandma, let's go see who it is.

86. Evening. How are we tonight?

87. Make my sister get out of the house.

88. It's 1:00 a.m., dear.

89. Why were you walking on Mountain Avenue at this hour?

90. Shut up.

91. We got a complaint from your neighbors of a woman wandering.

92. She's my grandmother.

93. Hi, Grandma.

94. Oh! Hi.

95. Ah, shit!

96. You know this young man?

97. Of course!

98. He's...

99. He's my grandson.

100. And is this your house, dear?

101. Where was she trying to get to?

102. Schraft's.

103. She's being retested.

104. For Alzheimer's.

105. It's been a long odyssey with your mother, hasn't it?

106. Oh, these last 500 years just seemed to race by.

107. Listen to me.

108. It's okay.

109. Let it out.

110. They're transferring her to the nursing unit,

111. which is the thing that she dreaded and feared.

112. Isn't it interesting how this memory loss has cropped up

113. right after you failed to be killed in the carjacking?

114. You think it was a carjacking?

115. Of course not.

116. But I got an idea who was behind it, and...

117. Enough said.

118. You don't want to go there.

119. Maybe you don't want to go there.

120. What are you talking about?

121. Well, let's track it.

122. Right around the time of the shooting,

123. you were having hallucinations

124. of that Isabella figure.

125. The protective, loving mother.

126. Your subconscious was shouting something at you.

127. On the day before the shooting,

128. you said to me that she kept going on yet again

129. about news stories of mothers

130. throwing their babies out of windows.

131. Why don't we put our fucking cards on the table here.

132. What do you think?

133. My mother tried to have me whacked

134. 'cause I put her in a nursing home?

135. In your worst dreams,

136. a duck flies off with your penis.

137. Castration.

138. Hey, my mother never went after my basket.

139. No, not literally.

140. Look, ordinarily a patient is helped

141. to make his own breakthroughs.

142. But your life is in danger,

143. so, okay, I'm willing to put the cards on the table.

144. I say what your mother has, at the very least,

145. is what we call borderline personality disorder.

146. A borderline personality disorder?

147. Let me read to you from the "DSM IV" okay?

148. Definitions of the condition.

149. "A pattern of unstable relationships.

150. Affective instability."

151. It means intense anxiety.

152. A joylessness.

153. These people's internal phobias

154. are the only things that exist to them.

155. The real world, real people are peripheral.

156. These people have no love or compassion.

157. Borderline personalities are very good at splitting behavior,

158. creating bitterness and conflict

159. between others in their circle.

160. You twisted fucking bitch.

161. That's my mother we're talking about,

162. not some fuck up in Attica, stab you in the shower.

163. - Relax. - See, we're through, you and I.

164. We're finished.

165. And you're lucky if I don't break your fucking face

166. in 50,000 pieces.

167. Okay.

168. I mean, let's face it,

169. Jackie's work is what killed him.

170. All that agita brought on the disease.

171. But his reign was peaceful.

172. This shooting with Tony...

173. Suppose my Jackie hadn't died of cancer.

174. I mean, who knows how his life would have ended?

175. Look at Angie Bonpensiero.

176. A fucking shell since Pussy disappeared.

177. Ladies, compliments of the house.

178. Bucatin' amatriciana.

179. Artie, you want a pair of hippos to walk out of here?

180. That's imported pancetta in there.

181. You gonna hate me, Artie, if I say I like this place

182. better than the old Vesuvio?

183. There's a few bugs to be ironed out.

184. And the one in your salad, that was a freak occurrence.

185. My produce man, he's the most expensive in the area.

186. The insurance really came through.

187. Yes, it did.

188. Carm, what'd I hear about Tony's mom?

189. Chiara was talking to Meadow in school.

190. Yeah, looks like Alzheimer's.

191. - Oh, boy. - Yeah.

192. Oh.

193. I known Mrs. S since...

194. She's always been an individualist, should we say?

195. But she's a real pistol. What a character.

196. Oh!

197. Aw, poor Tony.

198. Yeah, he's beside himself.

199. He's got a lot on his plate.

200. The attempted carjacking.

201. Hey, well...

202. I'll let you eat.

203. Okay. Enjoy.

204. Thanks, Artie.

205. Oh, my God, look who's here!

206. What? You hiding back here?

207. Your best friend's on Table 12.

208. When are you gonna bury the hatchet?

209. Arthur, I love Carmela like a sister.

210. We just don't want this place to become another Mob hangout

211. like the old Vesuvio.

212. When are you gonna get it into your head

213. that a certain amount of that kind of patronage creates buzz?

214. Artie, that kind of buzz we should avoid in droves.

215. Shit.

216. Your first time here?

217. The Dellacroces gave me a gift certificate.

218. That's part of Artie's opening promotion.

219. You will not believe the food.

220. And that's what I hear.

221. Although they'd have to be doing something pretty special

222. to trump you two ladies at the spice rack.

223. I was over at Carmela's the other night, Ro.

224. We had some zabaglione that...

225. Well, now, of course we did make it together.

226. But everybody was just raving about it.

227. Oh, please. You made it, basically.

228. I only wish Tony had taken me up on my offer

229. to talk to him about that carjacking that day.

230. Well, that makes two of us.

231. Yeah.

232. Well, I'd better get seated and order.

233. No, wait, wait, stay here. Take a load off.

234. Yeah. How's the watch, Father Phil?

235. Oh, it's fantastic.

236. I realized this morning I can set one of the dials

237. to the millennial countdown.

238. I haven't done it yet.

239. Is that Jackie's watch?

240. Thanks again, Ro.

241. Mr. Soprano was kind enough to come with us.

242. Yeah, when you threatened to wait till my kids got home.

243. I'm sure Agent Harris explained

244. that there's something we'd like you to hear.

245. The Springsteen box set. I already got it.

246. - You know Agent Grasso, - I believe.

247. - Yeah, how you doing? - Have a seat.

248. As we both know, there's been an attempt on your life.

249. You have enemies.

250. I'd say it's a safe assumption

251. that you may have finally run out your string

252. here in North Jersey.

253. The lovely Agent Harris and I have had this conversation.

254. I'll pass.

255. You haven't heard what's on the tape.

256. Play it, 'cause I don't give a fuck what's on it.

257. I understand you and Agent Grasso

258. had an interesting colloquy about our shared heritage.

259. Colla-who?

260. You and I are not compare, Tony.

261. You on the one hand,

262. me and Agent Grasso on the other.

263. Even though our ancestors all hail

264. from the same sunny peninsula.

265. What the fuck is your problem?

266. But we do share some cultural ideas.

267. Religious, culinary...

268. matriarchal.

269. Maybe we can motivate you to testify?

270. Why don't you get the kumquats out of your mouth and get to the point,

271. 'cause I don't know what you're talking about.

272. Boy, Anthony must have really gotten under your collar.

273. Admit it.

274. You're looking to crack his coglioni

275. for putting you in here.

276. I don't know what you're talking about.

277. Yeah, and I'm playing shortstop for the Mets.

278. A psychiatrist.

279. He's been seeing one for a while now.

280. God only knows what he says.

281. You wired Green Grove?

282. He must have really taken me for an idiot.

283. It was my idea.

284. Everyone else thought it was a waste of money.

285. My cousin Cakey,

286. after he had his lobotomy,

287. looked exactly like my son.

288. - Livia... - Empty, a shell.

289. Better Cakey had died than go on living like that.

290. That's what his own mother always used to say.

291. What are you talking about, meetings?

292. With who, for chrissake, Livia?

293. All of them.

294. Raymond, Larry.

295. Three of my capos have their mothers in this place?

296. If this is true, Livia, you know what I...

297. I mean, I'm the boss, for chrissake.

298. If I don't act, blood or no...

299. I have to.

300. Mrs. S.

301. How are you?

302. You remember me?

303. Arthur Bucco.

304. That's right!

305. Victoria's boy.

306. That's right.

307. Yeah, you and my Johnny used to play Little League together.

308. No, Johnny was your husband.

309. But you're right about the Little League.

310. That was me and Tony.

311. My son. That's right.

312. Yeah.

313. Oh, gee.

314. What's the matter with me?

315. Oh!

316. How are you?

317. Well, how are you, Arthur?

318. Never been better.

319. It's a nice room.

320. Lots of sun.

321. Yeah. Sit down.

322. How's your mother?

323. You call her every day.

324. Mom passed away.

325. Really?

326. When?

327. About six months ago.

328. Please, give her my regards.

329. Is she still on that crazy diet?

330. I brought you something.

331. From my restaurant.

332. I don't know if you remember, Vesuvio?

333. Oh, of course I do.

334. That was way back when your dad had it.

335. Good for you!

336. Yeah, I got a new restaurant.

337. Here you go.

338. Cavatell'.

339. With a nice duck ragu.

340. Homemade.

341. It's northern.

342. Oh.

343. Northern.

344. Mrs. S.

345. What's the matter?

346. Is it something I said?

347. You're a good boy, Arthur.

348. Coming to visit me.

349. We go back a ways.

350. You made a mean PB&J.

351. After what my son did to you,

352. oh, how can I look you in the face?

353. Tony?

354. What did he do now?

355. You don't blame him for setting the fire?

356. Well, you're a bigger man than some.

357. You know, we should all be grateful

358. that nobody was incinerated to death.

359. Altieri's wake is tonight.

360. I phoned in a bomb scare.

361. See, now, that's over the top.

362. It was Junior and Mikey that definitely took out the hit.

363. Start things moving.

364. - Not like we didn't know. - How did you find out for sure?

365. There's no room for interpretation.

366. - Minchia. - T, I'm sorry.

367. - Your own uncle. - Let's do it right.

368. Act normal. Plan things out.

369. Make no mistakes.

370. If I'm your uncle,

371. I got to finish what I started.

372. He could strike first.

373. Yeah, and he won't use Boyz II Men this time.

374. He'll go with who he knows.

375. Chucky Signore.

376. You know, Mikey's now too high up.

377. So Chucky's got to disappear without setting off any alarms.

378. I just passed my Coast Guard test.

379. T, anything else?

380. My ear hurts.

381. Here. One of mine.

382. It'll help you sleep.

383. What kind of person can I be

384. where his own mother wants him dead?

385. The problem is not with you.

386. That woman is a peculiar duck.

387. She always has been.

388. Yeah, but that's not the point.

389. Yeah, well, she's gotten worse with age.

390. You think my mother didn't warn me about her on my wedding night?

391. Please, don't start with that again.

392. Both your sisters left New Jersey so young

393. you would have thought there were contracts out on them.

394. I know.

395. But you were different.

396. You tried to make it work.

397. Two pricks with nine millimeters.

398. My self-esteem is non-existent right now.

399. I could kill her.

400. With these two hands.

401. The next time I see her, it's gonna be...

402. You got to play the concerned daughter-in-law.

403. You got to stay even-keeled for the sake of the business.

404. Fuck the business.

405. And let me tell you something, Tony,

406. dollars to doughnuts, this Alzheimer's thing is an act

407. so she can't be called on her shit.

408. Uncle Jun' and I, we had our problems with the business.

409. But I never should have razzed him about eating pussy.

410. This whole war could have been averted.

411. Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this.

412. You had to see a shrink because of the mother you had.

413. When I look at the guys now, all I feel is humiliation.

414. I'll take care of my uncle.

415. And I'll take care of Mikey P.

416. And I'll get some satisfaction.

417. But inside...

418. I'll know.

419. - Ton'. - Jesus Christ, relax.

420. - What the fuck you doing here? - Taking the Stugots,

421. putting it in the marina next door.

422. - No shit? - Look at this baby I caught right off the point here.

423. No, just wait a minute. Wait.

424. - Oh, no. - All right, look, wait.

425. No!

426. Look, I need to talk to you!

427. No!

428. Come on!

429. I'm dialing 911.

430. Because you've given me no choice!

431. Come on!

432. If anything happens to me they're gonna hear everything.

433. All right, look, you want to talk.

434. We'll go down to a coffee shop. There's plenty of people around.

435. - Emergency services. - May I help you?

436. Hey, I need to talk to you!

437. Do I have your word that I'm in no physical danger?

438. Yes, I am humbled that you would take my word, yes.

439. What?

440. Oh, fuck me. Yes, you got my word.

441. Emergency services,

442. state the nature of your emergency.

443. Come on!

444. Hello? Hello?

445. Oh, God.

446. I take no pleasure in the fact

447. that I was right about your mother.

448. You have any dreams since you heard the FBI tapes?

449. No.

450. Some sex dreams.

451. - Involving? - My neighbor.

452. Jean Cusamano.

453. Go on.

454. Well, we're doing it doggy-sty...

455. You know Jean.

456. That's okay, go on.

457. I'm doing her doggy-style...

458. And I finish, you know?

459. And her big ass is...

460. Look, we don't got time for this shit.

461. It's interesting that you would say "big ass,"

462. 'cause Jean is quite slender.

463. We got bigger things to talk about than Jean Cusamano's ass.

464. Like feelings of worthlessness

465. sparked by your mother's plot to have you killed?

466. One of the reasons that they tried to have me clipped

467. is 'cause I'm seeing a shrink.

468. You.

469. Oh.

470. "Oh."

471. You know that patient/doctor conversation is privileged,

472. and I couldn't testify against anybody.

473. Well, maybe they know that. And maybe they don't.

474. Either way, they're using it as a fucking excuse.

475. You never mentioned any of your associates by name.

476. All except for that one fellow...

477. - Booty? - Pussy. Pussy!

478. Pussy, Booty.

479. I don't know his last name.

480. And, look, anything concerning your Uncle Junior...

481. All right, shut the fuck up a minute!

482. You're in danger.

483. Get out of here.

484. That's not fair.

485. Fair, what are you talking about, "fair"? Ugatz fair.

486. They don't give a shit about fair.

487. Okay, what am I supposed to do?

488. Leave town. Today. Right now.

489. Matter of fact, I'm gonna get some guys here to stay with you until you get on a plane.

490. I can't just do that, lam it.

491. I have a life. I have patients.

492. So you tell them August came early this year.

493. It doesn't work that way.

494. I have patients who are suicidal.

495. They're not gonna feel any better about their life if you get clipped.

496. Jesus-fucking-Christ!

497. Look, I know. I'm sorry, okay?

498. I'm gonna work on this problem with the people

499. that pose a threat to you, and I'll take care of it.

500. And you'll be able to come back.

501. My God.

502. People are gonna get murdered, aren't they?

503. Don't worry about those distractions, you keep your eye on the ball.

504. And I know what you're thinking.

505. You have no idea what I'm thinking.

506. You're thinking you're gonna go to the cops.

507. But they're not gonna help you, 'cause you can't give them anything.

508. Don't be stupid.

509. Even in the short term.

510. Get the fuck out of town.

511. You've been a good doctor to me.

512. Thank you.

513. Artie, how's your rash?

514. - What the fuck are you doing? - How could you?

515. How the fuck could you?

516. You took their money?

517. Good, then do it.

518. Do it, 'cause I don't give a fuck anymore, go ahead.

519. That restaurant was like my child.

520. So they got in your ear.

521. Three generations of Buccos sweated over that same stove.

522. Even your mother treasures the memory of Vesuvio.

523. My mother?

524. Oh, don't say she's lying, Ton', because why would she?

525. What'd she tell you, my mother?

526. Don't make it worse.

527. Do me the respect

528. of not treating me like a fucking idiot,

529. piece of shit.

530. When you blew up the restaurant,

531. you made me party to a criminal conspiracy.

532. Did you ever stop to think about that?

533. I don't know what she told you, my mother of all people.

534. Two arson investigators

535. gave that that fire a clean bill of health, Artie.

536. Why the fuck would I blow up your restaurant?

537. To help me!

538. You fucking bent psycho!

539. You hear your uncle's gonna hurt my business

540. by staging a hit in my place,

541. and that's your solution?

542. To burn it down for the insurance money!

543. What kind of stupid, sick, twisted logic?

544. All right.

545. Ask yourself a question.

546. Am I that fucking stupid?

547. Huh?

548. Am I that fucking stupid, really?

549. My mother...

550. God bless her...

551. is going senile, Artie.

552. You saw her.

553. I love my new place so much.

554. And this ruins everything!

555. I swear to God...

556. I didn't touch your place, Artie.

557. My mother is confused.

558. Look me in the eye.

559. Tell me you didn't lay a finger on my place!

560. I didn't burn down your restaurant.

561. I swear on my mother.

562. Take it easy!

563. What the fuck you doing?

564. Come on, look out...

565. It's good we can get together,

566. you know, for our regular Sunday dinner.

567. Or somebody's nose could get out of joint.

568. Joint.

569. You got to admit it, Ma, it's a nice nursing unit

570. where they let you be signed out for family occasions.

571. I don't have to admit anything.

572. I gotta leave in ten minutes.

573. - Meadow! - Well, I don't want dessert,

574. and I have to study with Hunter.

575. Is this pork cooked?

576. Kids are growing up.

577. Gonna be out of the house soon. Even googootz over there.

578. If you believe she's going to study, I got a bridge to sell you.

579. You know, I read last week in the paper

580. about this family in St. Luis Obispo, in California.

581. That whole family died of trichinosis.

582. That's uncooked pork.

583. That was last year.

584. That same family.

585. Listen to him.

586. He knows everything.

587. So, Uncle Jun', when do you hear from your lawyer on the big thing?

588. Hey, on and on it goes.

589. Ma, don't you agree they should not talk business at the table?

590. What's going on in your little corner of the world?

591. - Such as? - I don't know.

592. The state of the union?

593. So I hear Artie Bucco came to see you.

594. Who is Artie?

595. - Anthony. - Friend of mine

596. from elementary school.

597. He owns a restaurant.

598. They had a little fire in it.

599. He came to see me?

600. Where?

601. Where are we talking about?

602. Here?

603. I've lost faith in everything.

604. You moved away from God quite some time ago, though.

605. Is it fair to say it's not just this recent crisis?

606. Yeah. Back in high school.

607. Maybe before.

608. I bring the kids here on holidays,

609. but my mind wanders.

610. I just stare at the stained glass, people's hats.

611. I'm full of rage, Father.

612. Murderous...

613. whatever.

614. Urges.

615. I don't just hate this man.

616. I hate all men.

617. I hate life.

618. Have you talked with your wife?

619. I can't.

620. Why?

621. Oh, what it would do to her.

622. She's been through so much.

623. Charmaine's a strong woman.

624. Anyway, she's gonna find out in the course of the investigation.

625. I...

626. I didn't go to the insurance company.

627. Why not?

628. Well, legally,

629. what if I'm wrong?

630. I could get hit with a defamation suit.

631. Arthur, you know what your heart is telling you.

632. I think the only reason you haven't told Charmaine

633. is because you know she'll insist

634. you go to the police immediately.

635. And this will jeopardize your restaurant, everything.

636. You must be strong.

637. All due respect, Father,

638. you're getting off the subject.

639. Sorry I'm fucking late.

640. Okay.

641. I need to tell you something,

642. and I want you should hear it from me,

643. not from some asshole on the street.

644. About four, five months ago,

645. I started seeing a psychiatrist.

646. You know, I was passing out, and they couldn't find nothing.

647. She's been helping me with that.

648. Okay, come on, give it to me. Give it to my face. Come on.

649. Well, I'm sure you did it with complete discretion.

650. And speaking for Pussy, if he's still alive,

651. I'm sure he would agree.

652. Business was not discussed. No names were mentioned.

653. Junior knows.

654. He's decided to use it against me.

655. Ask now, 'cause we're not discussing this again.

656. It's not the worst thing I ever heard.

657. I was seeing a therapist myself about a year ago.

658. I had some issues. Enough said.

659. I learned some coping skills.

660. Look, this thing of ours, the way it's going...

661. it'd be better if we could admit to each other

662. these painful, stressful times.

663. But it'll never fucking happen.

664. What about you?

665. You got a problem with this?

666. What is it, like marriage counseling?

667. Yeah, like that.

668. Sort of, yeah.

669. The Contra commandante

670. was trying to scare us priests.

671. That's so dangerous down there.

672. Mm. Oh...

673. It's the De Cecco.

674. Ah, the fresh basil really adds to it, yeah.

675. Mm-hmm.

676. - Mm! - Oh, Father, you got a little mess there.

677. Mm, thanks.

678. - Want a little bit? - No, please.

679. I have so much at home.

680. So how are the twins, Rosalie?

681. You know, we should start with,

682. "Would you like a cocktail, or see the wine list?"

683. Yeah, sure.

684. I'll do it however you like.

685. At my other job, the waiters usually do

686. the cocktail solicitation.

687. But if you want, I'll do it as I seat them.

688. Good. Great. Thanks.

689. All right.

690. She catches on fast, that one.

691. Very conscientious.

692. She's working two jobs to become a music manager.

693. Whatever that is.

694. Everything is going so good.

695. The new exterminators, I got faith.

696. The owner is Portuguese. They're sticklers.

697. I feel so wonderful we're up and running again.

698. Oh, you said you had something to tell me?

699. I like the bar stools.

700. Good morning, everybody.

701. You're in a good mood today, Dad.

702. And if Chucky calls, you get me on the cell phone.

703. Ho! You hear me?

704. Yeah. Okay. I think that I heard you already.

705. Go take a Midol.

706. Nips! Nips!

707. - Jesus! - Bad boy!

708. You prick!

709. Oh! Motherfucker!

710. Ah! You son of a bitch!

711. Oh, come on, please!

712. Please! Come on.

713. Come on!

714. Oh, come on!

715. Oh, no! Please, please!

716. Fucking poison ivy all over.

717. My friend Brendan, you shot him in his bathtub, naked.

718. No chance to run.

719. No, I swear to God, it wasn't me, it was Junior.

720. He hated that kid! It was him!

721. Yeah right, it was Junior. Mr. Magoo.

722. Oh, come on, please.

723. Please. Please.

724. I can feel it itching me already.

725. Corrado Soprano. FBI.

726. Fuck!

727. Are you Lawrence Barese?

728. Oh, what the fuck? Come on.

729. Joseph Sasso.

730. - You're under arrest. - Fuck!

731. Junior Soprano, alleged boss of the New Jersey crime family

732. that bears his name,

733. was indicted today on federal racketeering charges.

734. FBI and local police...

735. - Talk about timing. - He's lucky he's still alive.

736. along with Lawrence "Larry Boy" Barese,

737. ailing alleged underboss, Joseph "Beppy" Sasso

738. and 13 other reputed Mob figures.

739. Oh, my God, it's Uncle Junior.

740. Yeah. Look at the old guy, making him do the perp walk.

741. A legitimate businessman.

742. Dad, cut the crap.

743. Go blow-dry your hair.

744. These indictments are part of an ongoing investigation,

745. stretching back nearly four years.

746. They represent the most crippling blow

747. to Mob activities in the New Jersey area

748. since the early 1980s.

749. Uncle Junior got busted.

750. Cool.

751. not seized today,

752. although named in the indictments,

753. was alleged Soprano enforcer and loan-sharking chief,

754. Michael "Grab Bag" Palmice.

755. Authorities believe Palmice

756. may have fled the New Jersey area,

757. acting on prior knowledge.

758. - Oh, lucky him. - Earlier today,

759. Palmice's wife denied any knowledge

760. of her husband's whereabouts.

761. Yeah, he was so happy.

762. He was going out to try out his new running shoes, you know?

763. And he told me that he loved me

764. and that he would be right back.

765. I can't...

766. All right, go, come on.

767. Go eat somewhere else.

768. Coming up next, rain from Canada...

769. Hello?

770. Yeah, counselor, thanks for getting back to me so quick.

771. He says it's a broad indictment

772. that sounds better for the feds than it really is.

773. I wasn't named 'cause the focus of the investigation

774. is some telephone calling-card scam

775. that Junior and Larry had going,

776. and this Diamante technical stock thing

777. that I wasn't into.

778. Thank God.

779. That prick Altieri gave them reams of shit.

780. They got stuff on me.

781. They got stuff on all of us

782. from the surveillance at the Green Grove.

783. They just don't have a case yet.

784. An ongoing investigation, the D.A. said.

785. They always say that to make it sound good.

786. This is no fucking joke.

787. What I gotta worry about now,

788. is the guys that got pinched today, if they flip.

789. Art, hello. How are things?

790. Good, Father. Busy.

791. - Yeah! - You?

792. Like the man said, "Rust never sleeps."

793. Listen, Father,

794. I want to thank you for taking the time out

795. to talk to me the other day.

796. Did you bring your wife into things?

797. No.

798. No?

799. Sitting there in the house of God,

800. I realized you can either be a "yes" person or a "no" person.

801. A positive ion or a negative ion.

802. I'm not quite sure I get what you're saying.

803. It's just that this woman's always been an odd bird.

804. A sea of negativity.

805. Even as a kid we all learned to take her ravings

806. with a grain of salt.

807. But you also said the son was unstable.

808. I was angry.

809. Complicated? Yes, he is.

810. A little too comfortable outside the law?

811. Yes, he is.

812. But it would only add

813. to the quotient of sorrow in the world to doubt him

814. when the source, unfortunately,

815. is a person who rarely has a kind word for anyone.

816. You seem at peace.

817. I am, Father.

818. Thank you again, Father.

819. Sure. Okay, Art.

820. Do you prefer "Corrado" or "Junior"?

821. I prefer "Mr. Soprano."

822. Your tenure as boss was a short one.

823. Actually, it was unusual in several ways.

824. Let me put this to you as simply as I can.

825. You can avoid sentencing on these charges

826. if you will testify that, in fact,

827. you were not the boss of North Jersey.

828. That, in fact, your nephew Anthony Soprano

829. was and is.

830. That he de facto controlled your capos

831. with the backing of two of the New York families

832. communicating through their emissary, John Sacrimoni.

833. We want Johnny Sack.

834. But more than him, we want Mangano and Teresi.

835. I want to fuck Angie Dickinson. See who gets lucky first.

836. We want you to corroborate information

837. that we obtained through informants and wiretap.

838. That you were allowed to profit, more or less,

839. but you were not making policy

840. and you were not in the New York loop.

841. You were positioned to take the hits,

842. and now you've taken them.

843. Question is, how long you going to keep eating shit?

844. You're 70 years old.

845. How many years you got left?

846. My nephew running things?

847. Not that strunz.

848. Not in this life.

849. Hey.

850. Here, let me schlep that.

851. You got any more in the car?

852. Unh-unh.

853. How did you get in here?

854. Lilliana. She said to tell you that she left early.

855. So, what they're saying on the TV

856. about the storm that's headed this way, huh?

857. Yeah. You want some coffee?

858. Only if you're making it.

859. Father, don't start that.

860. No, really.

861. I mean, it's practically a cocktail hour anyway.

862. Would you rather have a glass of wine?

863. How about a Lillet? You in the mood?

864. Just came to check on you guys,

865. see how you're holding up with these indictments.

866. We're hanging in.

867. So, what we were talking about a few months back,

868. you think any of these recent developments

869. have brought Tony any closer to reexamining his life?

870. Making some hard choices?

871. I told her she was not to use my card again.

872. No, that's mine.

873. One True Thing, just out on DVD.

874. I was over at Video One anyway.

875. I thought maybe you might want to take your mind

876. off these stressors.

877. You want to stay for dinner?

878. Something wrong, Carm?

879. Just tell me, so I know how many steaks to defrost.

880. Tony's not going to make it.

881. Well, if...

882. As I was saying,

883. my real concern for Tony...

884. Father, he doesn't give a flying fuck.

885. You know it and I know it.

886. At least for the foreseeable future.

887. Then that's even a bigger reason to...

888. He's a sinner, Father.

889. And you come up here and you eat his steaks,

890. and you use his home entertainment center.

891. Carmela, the DVD is for you.

892. Really? Even after just last week,

893. I told you I'm not a big Renée Zellweger fan?

894. You did?

895. I don't remember that.

896. You want to watch One True Thing, fine.

897. At least admit it.

898. I... I thought you liked movies.

899. Mea culpa.

900. Jesus, you know, I get exactly the same

901. "who, me?" shit with Tony.

902. Two, I don't need.

903. Has Tony thought about changing?

904. Father, please.

905. You do think I'm a schnorrer, don't you?

906. A parasite?

907. I asked you that before and you denied it,

908. but clearly that's what you think.

909. No, you know what I think, Father?

910. I think that you like the...

911. I don't even know what to call it.

912. The whiff of sexuality

913. that never goes anyplace.

914. I have feelings for you, Carmela, I admitted it.

915. And it's my job to deal with them

916. so I can carry on my pastoral duties.

917. How does Rosalie Aprile fit into your feelings for me?

918. Oh, so that's it.

919. I really appreciate

920. everything that you've done for me, Father Phil, truly.

921. The religious counseling, the book on Buddhism,

922. the wonderful chats.

923. I am very fond of you.

924. More than fond.

925. But I think you need to look at yourself.

926. Call this an intervention.

927. Because I think you have this M.O.

928. where you manipulate spiritually thirsty women,

929. and I think a lot of it is tied up with food somehow,

930. as well as the sexual tension game.

931. Whoa.

932. Oh, Mr. Soprano, your wife found you. Good.

933. Found me? What are you talking about?

934. You haven't spoken?

935. We left a message on your home machine.

936. Your mom's had a stroke.

937. Stroke?

938. The news on TV yesterday. It really upset her.

939. Not that it's any of my business.

940. Anyhow, it just happened.

941. The MTs are stabilizing her for the ride to St. Vincent's.

942. Ma.

943. - I know what you did. - Sir, please.

944. Your only son. Your middle child.

945. Look, she can't answer you.

946. Her speech center's been affected.

947. Yeah, my ass.

948. I heard the tapes, Ma. The fucking FBI tapes.

949. Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about.

950. - Hey! - George Clooney,

951. don't get in the fucking middle of this.

952. - Mr. Soprano. - Alonzo, call security.

953. Your protector Uncle Jun's in jail now,

954. and I got one more little last detail I got to take care of.

955. - Mr. Soprano! - I'm here to tell you,

956. I don't die that fucking easy, Ma.

957. I'm gonna live a nice, long, happy life,

958. which is more than I can say for you.

959. - All right, that's enough! - Yeah?

960. Keep her moving! Keep moving!

961. I try to do the right thing by you, and you try to have me whacked?

962. She doesn't understand you.

963. She's smiling! Look at the look on her face!

964. Look at the look on her face! She's smiling!

965. - Come on! Come on! - Get off me!

966. Look at her face! She's got a fucking smile on her face!

967. All right! That's enough!

968. She go vacation!

969. Dad, give it up.

970. We're not gonna make it to Aunt Patti's.

971. Dad, hello?

972. We're not gonna make it to Aunt Patti's.

973. Why did I buy a goddamn off-road vehicle?

974. To waste petrochemical resources?

975. Tony, she's right. We can't keep driving in this.

976. I can hardly see in front of us here.

977. What street are we on?

978. I think it's Walnut Parkway.

979. I got an idea.

980. Come on, come on! Get inside!

981. - He'd better be open. - Forget the umbrella.

982. Come on!

983. Artie, thank Christ.

984. We went to pick the kids up at school

985. because of the buses and all, we can't get to the house.

986. There's a huge tree across Mountain Avenue.

987. Oh, Marone!

988. We've been driving around since 7:00.

989. Nobody's eaten nothing.

990. Ton', I got no power, no lights.

991. I'm closing soon as these last few people leave.

992. Let's go to Mickey D's. They'll be open.

993. Yeah, all right. Let's go.

994. - Let's go. - No!

995. Come on. What are you...?

996. - Come on. - Get in.

997. We'll figure out something. Come on.

998. Oh!

999. They gave me steroids too, but it fucked me up.

1000. Yeah, well, keep away from me, because I skeeve, all right?

1001. Hey, look at this.

1002. - Hey! - Hey!

1003. - What are you doing, Ton'? - Hey, squirt.

1004. How you doing, pal?

1005. Adriana, you look beautiful.

1006. How you doing, Ton'?

1007. How you doing?

1008. How are you?

1009. So, guys, Chiara and her brother and sister

1010. are back in the kitchen, if you want to say hello.

1011. More refugees.

1012. The gas is still working.

1013. I've been cooking by candlelight.

1014. I can make anything on the menu except...

1015. Whatever you got is fine.

1016. - Jose. - Yes?

1017. Cabernet, por favor.

1018. Regaleali, right?

1019. Yeah, beautiful.

1020. No cigars, please.

1021. Oh!

1022. Yeah, I know.

1023. You know what I mean, Adriana.

1024. Get a look at that fucking lovesick pygmy over there.

1025. The skip seeing a psychiatrist, how's that sit with your ass?

1026. I usually do sit with my ass.

1027. Why don't you sit with yours?

1028. Hey, Pat Cooper over here.

1029. Wait a minute. This bothers you?

1030. You saw a fucking psychiatrist.

1031. Not a woman. I can't get past that.

1032. It don't compute for me.

1033. You're the one with the fucking issues.

1034. Woman issues.

1035. I don't even want to fucking go there.

1036. Well, let's not.

1037. Irregardless, I've said my piece.

1038. What are you getting at, Paulie?

1039. Nothing.

1040. Look, he's gonna be the new boss now.

1041. In name and everything.

1042. Wish him buona fortuna.

1043. You guys have any peanut butter back here?

1044. You gotta be kidding.

1045. Oh, my God, Artie, you saved our frigging lives here.

1046. - Thank you. - It's beautiful, Artie. Thank you.

1047. Enjoy.

1048. Ah! Fuck.

1049. - Hey! - You said "frig."

1050. Now wait a minute.

1051. I'd like to propose a toast...

1052. to my family.

1053. Someday soon, you're gonna have families of your own.

1054. And if you're lucky,

1055. you'll remember the little moments.

1056. Like this.

1057. That were good.

1058. Cheers.