The Simpsons 6x16

Directed by Wes Archer

Phil Hartman as Lionel Hutz / Troy McClure / Lyle Lanley / others (voice)

After tricking an Australian boy into accepting a collect call, Bart flies Down Under to apologize.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. D'

2. Go, toothpaste, go!

3. Move your pasty white butt.

4. Come on, shampoo! You can do it!

5. Yay! I won your stupid bathroom products race.

6. No fair, you only won

7. 'cause you had the inside track.

8. If the water was spinning the other way...

9. It never spins the other way.

10. In the northern hemisphere

11. water always drains counterclockwise.

12. It's called the Coriolis effect.

13. No way.

14. Water doesn't obey your rules.

15. It goes where it wants.

16. Like me, babe.

17. Yes, Bart.

18. Why don't you try it and see?

19. I know I've seen it go the other way.

20. Faithful toilet.

21. You'll prove me right.

22. Hot! Yah! Cold!

23. No! Hot! Cold! Hot!

24. Who's! Doing! That?

25. For Pete's sake, Bart, use the plunger!

26. Bart, water will only go the other way

27. in the southern hemisphere.

28. What the hell is the southern hemisphere?

29. Haven't you ever looked at your globe?

30. See, the southern hemisphere is made up of

31. everything below the equa...

32. This line.

33. So down there in, say... Argentina,

34. or Rand McNally,

35. all their water runs backwards?

36. In fact, in Rand McNally

37. they wear hats on their feet

38. and hamburgers eat people.

39. Cool.

40. Hello, southern hemisphere?

41. Which way does the water go in your toilet?

42. Just a minute, I'll check.

43. Nuts.

44. Please to repeat again and I will translating

45. for the El Presidente.

46. Which way does the water turn in your toilet?

47. Dice que el curso esta cambiando.

48. Ay, caramba!

49. Los insurgentes ya van a capturar la capital.

50. Necesito huir.

51. Ay!

52. I can't get a straight answer out of this crazy hemisphere.

53. Eine minuten, eine minuten.

54. Ach! Das wagenfone est eine nuisancefone.

55. Buenas noches, mein fuhrer.

56. Ja, ja.

57. Bart, you can't actually call these places.

58. Don't you know how expensive

59. international calls are?

60. Hello, operator.

61. I'd like to make a collect call to...

62. Australia.

63. This is the international operator.

64. Will you accept a collect call from...

65. Yes, this is Dr. Bart Simpson

66. of the International Drainage Commission.

67. It's an emergency.

68. If it's an emergency, then.

69. We understand some drains in your area

70. have been malfunctioning,

71. sucking in people and whatnot.

72. Willikers. That's awful.

73. Indeed.

74. We need you to check your sinks and toilets

75. and tell us which way the water is going.

76. And please... Stand clear.

77. The fixtures...

78. they're all draining clockwise, sir.

79. She was right.

80. Stupid Lisa, science queen.

81. Well, why don't you just check your neighbor's drains.

82. I'll hold.

83. Hey, Bart. The bakery caught fire

84. and all of downtown smells like cookies.

85. Want to go smell?

86. Yes. Yes, I do.

87. Hello. Sir? Sir?

88. I've returned from the Koolamugery's place.

89. They're draining clockwise too.

90. Draining?

91. I don't care about that anymore.

92. Are we in any dange...

93. Burkina Faso? Disputed zone?

94. Who called all these weird places?

95. Quiet. It might be you.

96. I can't remember.

97. No, I'm gonna ask Marge.

98. No, no. Why embarrass us both?

99. Just write a check and I'll release some more endorphins.

100. 900 dollar-adoos!

101. Tobias!

102. Did you accept

103. a six-hour collect call from the states?

104. It was an emergency call

105. from the International Drainage Commission in Springfield.

106. My God!

107. There's nothing wrong with the bidet, is there?

108. Hello?

109. Right, I'm calling all the way

110. from Squatters Crag, Australia.

111. And I want to speak to, Dr. Bart Simpson right now.

112. Hold, please.

113. All right, but I don't...

114. Payroll, Burt Stanton speaking.

115. Oi. I said Bart Simpson.

116. What kind of a company is this?

117. Bart Simpson's office.

118. Thank the great good Lord. Look, I was just say...

119. One moment please.

120. Who do they think I am?

121. Some stupid Aussie drongo?

122. Bleedin' yanks. I ought to...

123. This is Bart Simpson.

124. Can I help you, ma'am?

125. Yeah... Hey! My name is Bruno Drundridge, right?

126. You owe me $900, mate.

127. No, you owe me $900.

128. I... You...

129. You're... You're just some punk kid aren't you?

130. You picked the wrong guy to tangle with here, mate.

131. I don't think so.

132. You're all the way in Australia.

133. Hey, I think I hear

134. a dingo eating your baby.

135. Yeah, well... Ooh!

136. That's it.

137. I'm going to report this to me member of parliament.

138. Hey! Gus!

139. I got something to report to you.

140. That's a bloody outrage, it is.

141. I'm gonna take this all the way

142. to the prime minister.

143. Hey! Mr. Prime Minister!

144. Andy!

145. Hi, mates! What's the good word?

146. "Mr. Simpson, blah blah.

147. Misrepresentation over a telephone, yadda yadda.

148. Sincerely, some Australian Jerk."

149. Hey! I need that.

150. Office of the Solicitor General?

151. Office of the Prime Minister?

152. Hopping Mad Collection Agency?

153. What is all this stuff?

154. Nothing. Some stupid country

155. thinks I owe them money.

156. Bart, you better talk

157. to Mom and Dad about this.

158. Hey, guys. Just so you don't hear any wild rumors...

159. I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.

160. That's no reason to block the TV.

161. My.

162. Bart, did you trick an Australian boy

163. into accepting a $900 collect call?

164. Yes'm.

165. There it is, "Aus-tral-ia."

166. I'll be damned.

167. Look at this country... "U-ar-gay."

168. My. Hello.

169. I'm Evan Conniver with the U.S. State department.

170. "Undersecretary for International Protocol...

171. Brat and Punk division"?

172. Unfortunately, Bart, your little escapade

173. could not have come at a worse time.

174. Americo-Australian-ian relations are at an all-time low.

175. As I'm sure you remember in the late 1980s

176. the U.S. Experienced

177. a short-lived infatuation

178. with Australian culture.

179. For some bizarre reason the Aussies thought

180. this would be a permanent thing.

181. Of course it wasn't.

182. I know those words

183. but that sign makes no sense.

184. Anyway, the down-under fad fizzled

185. and the diplomatic climate turned absolutely frosty.

186. Oops.

187. Let's pretend we didn't see that.

188. And Bart's childish taunting agitated the Aussies further.

189. He'll agitate you.

190. Ho, ho, he sure will.

191. What can we do for you?

192. Well, it's too late to merely pay back the money.

193. But as a sign of good faith to our Australian "friends"

194. we'd like to imprison Bart for five years.

195. That's tough but fair.

196. Boy, go with the man.

197. No, no, no! No.

198. I'm not gonna have my son go to jail

199. over some silly tiff with Australia.

200. You'll just have to find some other

201. country to have relations with.

202. You're sure now? The prison train is sailing.

203. Okay. I'm not hearing a lot of support for prison.

204. There is one other option.

205. They'll drop the charges if

206. Bart makes a public apology in Australia.

207. All Bart has to do is apologize

208. and we get a free trip to Australia?

209. I can handle that.

210. I'm an expert at phony apologies.

211. - Bart! - I'm sorry.

212. That's better.

213. We left at 1:30 p.m. Monday.

214. What time is it now?

215. It's 6:45 a.m. next Wednesday.

216. You may also be interested to know

217. that's it's summer here, not winter.

218. What does that sign say?

219. I thought they spoke English in this country.

220. It says you can't bring in

221. outside plants or animals.

222. Any foreign creature you bring in

223. could upset the environmental balance.

224. Sorry, girl.

225. I don't want to get in any more trouble down here.

226. I'll pick you up on the way home.

227. Hey! Are you like one of those English guards

228. who can't laugh or smile or anything?

229. No, sir!

230. U.S. Marine Corps, sir!

231. Yeah. This is the life.

232. Boy, next summer, can you commit

233. some fraud in Orlando, Florida?

234. I'm way ahead of you, Dad.

235. Kno-ock.

236. Simpsons, I'd like you to meet our ambassador,

237. the honorable Avril Ward.

238. Hello. Now, everything is all set for Bart's apology.

239. Mr. Conniver will meet you at the parliament house at 3:00 p.m.

240. Any questions?

241. Yeah. Do the toilets go backwards in here?

242. No. To combat homesickness we've installed

243. a device that makes them swirl the correct American way.

244. Hey, G.I. Joe, your sign's broken.

245. We're already in Australia.

246. Actually, sir! The embassy is considered American soil, sir!

247. Really?

248. Look, boy. Now I'm in Australia.

249. Now I'm in America. Australia. America.

250. - I get it, Dad. - Australia.

251. America, Australia.

252. Homer, that's enough.

253. America, Australia...

254. Here in America, we don't tolerate that kind of crap, sir!

255. "Australia was originally founded

256. as a settlement for British convicts."

257. Lisa, watch your camera.

258. You call that a knife?

259. This is a knife.

260. That's not a knife. That's a spoon.

261. All right, all right. You win.

262. I see you've played knifey-spoony before.

263. Hey, give me one of those famous giant beers

264. I heard so much about.

265. Something wrong, Yank?

266. No. It's pretty big, I guess.

267. I'll just have a cup of coffee.

268. Beer it is.

269. No. I said coffee.

270. Beer?

271. Cof-fee.

272. Be-er?

273. C-o...

274. B-e...

275. We'll meet you boys back here for dinner.

276. Good luck, honey.

277. Bart, I'm sorry I'm gonna miss

278. your public humiliation.

279. But the Woolumbaloo Dirt Monument

280. is just too exciting to pass up.

281. Hear ye, hear ye.

282. This session will now come to order.

283. With the cooperation of the U.S. Department of State

284. we have present today one Bart Simpson.

285. I believe he has something to say.

286. Bart?

287. I'm sorry.

288. I'm sorry for what I did to your country.

289. - Bravo. - Very good.

290. Well, you're free to go, Bart...

291. right after your additional punishment.

292. Punishment?

293. Well, a mere apology would be bit empty?

294. - Let the booting begin. - Booting?

295. Aw, it's just a little kick in the bum.

296. What kind of a sick country would kick someone

297. with a giant boot?

298. Mr. Simpson, shush.

299. Disparaging the boot is a bootable offense.

300. It's one of their proudest traditions.

301. You sold us out, Conniver!

302. Ooh!

303. Stay back or I'll boot your prime minister.

304. I'll do it!

305. So help me God, I'll boot him!

306. He means it.

307. When will you Australians learn?

308. In America, we stopped using corporal punishment

309. and things have never been better.

310. The streets are safe.

311. Old people strut confidently through the darkest alleys

312. and the weak and nerdy are admired

313. for their computer programming abilities.

314. So, like us, let your children run wild and free.

315. Because as the old saying goes:

316. "Let your children run wild and free."

317. Now, boy, run back to the embassy.

318. Back to American soil.

319. Yah!

320. I'll stop them.

321. No. It's coming back this way.

322. That throwing stick stunt of yours

323. has boomeranged on us.

324. Hey. We can get away in their pouches.

325. Eew! It's not like in cartoons.

326. Yeah, there's a lot more mucus.

327. Mom, you said I could have one souvenir, right?

328. Well, I want a didgeridoo.

329. That seems very noisy and expensive for a souvenir.

330. Why don't you get this nice cap?

331. It's clever, just like you.

332. Get out. Get out.

333. Shoo, shoo.

334. Get out of here.

335. These bloody things are everywhere.

336. They're in the lift, in the lorry,

337. in the bond wizard,

338. and all over the malanga gildachuck.

339. They're like kangaroos

340. but they're reptiles, they is.

341. We have them in America. They're called bullfrogs.

342. What? That's an odd name.

343. I'd have called them chaswassers.

344. L-isa!

345. M-arge!

346. The Simpsons.

347. Well, they're not getting back in here.

348. I can't believe our government

349. would set up Bart like that.

350. I must say, I'm very angry

351. at the State department right now.

352. Yes, but shh.

353. Mrs. Simpson, please. We're about to reach

354. a breakthrough with the Aussies.

355. Then it's agreed.

356. During the bargaining session

357. we each get two candy apples.

358. All right. One candy and one caramel.

359. For the love of criminy.

360. Give me that.

361. I know Bart did something wrong, but he's my son

362. and I'm going to punish him myself.

363. Our countries may have their differences

364. but as human beings

365. I think we can all agree there's no substitute

366. for the discipline of a loving parent.

367. He wants to talk to you.

368. Y-ello.

369. So we're in agreement.

370. She won't be allowed near the phone again.

371. We did it.

372. We've worked out a compromise

373. that will allow both nations to save face.

374. We've argued them down to a booting.

375. What?

376. The prime minister just wants

377. to kick you once through the gate

378. with a regular shoe.

379. I believe it's a wing-tip.

380. No deal.

381. This is my son we're talking about.

382. Sure, he's not perfect

383. but who is in this work-a-day world?

384. No, Mom. Wait.

385. It's time for me to bend over

386. and receive my destiny.

387. Thank you, Bart.

388. I promise I won't

389. make fun of you later for this.

390. Show them what American butts

391. are made of, son.

392. That's it, lad.

393. This is for the commonwealth of Australia.

394. And this is for the United States of America.

395. I'm glad you're okay, honey,

396. but I wish you'd chosen a more tasteful way

397. to be patriotic.

398. I'm impressed you were able to write so legibly

399. on your own butt.

400. All right, mates. Let him have it!

401. Hey, do we get to land on an aircraft carrier?

402. No, sir. The closest vessel is the U.S.S. Walter Mondale.

403. It's a laundry ship.

404. They'll take you the rest of the way.

405. Hey, look.

406. Those frogs are eating all their crops.

407. Well, that's what happens

408. when you introduce foreign species

409. into an ecosystem that can't handle them.

410. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.