1. D'Copy !req
2. Aah!Copy !req
3. Core meltdown in 10 seconds.Copy !req
4. Nine, eight...Copy !req
5. Meltdown averted. Good boy!Copy !req
6. What?Copy !req
7. How dare you disturb me
during nap time?Copy !req
8. We're from the nuclear
regulatory commission.Copy !req
9. This is a surprise test
of worker competence.Copy !req
10. There must be some mistake.Copy !req
11. We... We make cookies here.Copy !req
12. Mr. Burns's old-fashioned
good-time extra-chewy...Copy !req
13. Get the ax.Copy !req
14. The watchdog of public safety.
Is there any lower form of life?Copy !req
15. Don't worry, sir, I rounded up
our less-gifted employeesCopy !req
16. and led them into the basement.Copy !req
17. Duh, Homer,
why are we down here?Copy !req
18. Geez!
I told ya, Bernie...Copy !req
19. To guard the bee!Copy !req
20. - But why?
- You guys are pathetic.Copy !req
21. No wonder Smithers
made me head bee guy.Copy !req
22. - It's gettin' away.
- We did bad!Copy !req
23. Hey!Copy !req
24. Hey! Come back!Copy !req
25. Is there
a Homer Simpson present?Copy !req
26. I'm afraid
he couldn't "bee" here.Copy !req
27. Yes, he's in Geneva,Copy !req
28. chairing a conference
on nuclear fission.Copy !req
29. Yes, that should stick.Copy !req
30. D' The bee bit my bottom!Copy !req
31. Now my bottom's big!Copy !req
32. Homer, this isCopy !req
33. an exact replica of
your workstation.Copy !req
34. Now we're going to simulate a
power surge in core sector 8.Copy !req
35. What the hell
are you talking about?Copy !req
36. What do I do?Copy !req
37. What do I do?Copy !req
38. In the name of God,
you've gotta tell me!Copy !req
39. Relax.
It's just a simulator.Copy !req
40. Nothing can go wrong.Copy !req
41. Just poke blindly
at the controlsCopy !req
42. until they let you go.Copy !req
43. No. No!
This can't be happening!Copy !req
44. For the love of God, sir!
There are two seats!Copy !req
45. I like to put my feet up.Copy !req
46. Must destroy mankind.Copy !req
47. Ooh! Lunchtime.Copy !req
48. We're still not sure
how he caused the meltdown.Copy !req
49. There wasn't any
nuclear material in the truck!Copy !req
50. Very well.
It's time for your bribe.Copy !req
51. Now, you can either have
the washer and dryerCopy !req
52. where the lovely Smithers
is standing,Copy !req
53. or you can trade it all in
for what's in this box.Copy !req
54. The box.
The box!Copy !req
55. Look, Burns,
this is a big problem.Copy !req
56. You just can't throw money at it
and make it go away.Copy !req
57. Gentlemen, I've decidedCopy !req
58. there will be no investigation.Copy !req
59. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'll go away.Copy !req
60. You're in big trouble, Burns.
Homer Simpson's jobCopy !req
61. requires college training
in nuclear physics.Copy !req
62. Now, you get your man
up to speed,Copy !req
63. or we'll be forced
to take legal action.Copy !req
64. Is that so?Copy !req
65. Well, I have the feeling
you'll be...Copy !req
66. dropping the charges.Copy !req
67. The painters moved your desk, sir.Copy !req
68. Yes.Copy !req
69. Hello, Simpson.Copy !req
70. My lawyers and I were in
the neighborhoodCopy !req
71. and thought we'd stop by.Copy !req
72. Would you like to come in for
tea and marshmallow squares?Copy !req
73. Yes, he would.Copy !req
74. So you want me to go to college?Copy !req
75. College?Copy !req
76. - Ha! Barber or clown?
- Bart!Copy !req
77. Remember, your job and
the future of your familyCopy !req
78. hinges on your
successful completionCopy !req
79. of Nuclear Physics 101.Copy !req
80. And one more thing.Copy !req
81. You must find the jade monkeyCopy !req
82. before the next full moon.Copy !req
83. Actually, sir,
we found the jade monkey.Copy !req
84. It was in
your glove compartment.Copy !req
85. And the road maps
and ice scraper?Copy !req
86. They were in there too, sir.Copy !req
87. Excellent!Copy !req
88. It's all falling into place.Copy !req
89. I think this is
a great opportunity.Copy !req
90. You could learn so much.Copy !req
91. Maybe you're right.Copy !req
92. I did always want
to go to college.Copy !req
93. But fate stood in the way.Copy !req
94. Homer, sign this application
and you're a shoo-in.Copy !req
95. That dog has somebody's ham!Copy !req
96. This I gotta see!Copy !req
97. Give me that ham,
you stupid dog!Copy !req
98. Dad, don't let these
application essays throw you.Copy !req
99. Let's see: "List your three
favorite booksCopy !req
100. and how they've
influenced your life."Copy !req
101. - Is TV Guide a book?
- No.Copy !req
102. - Son of Sniglet?
- No.Copy !req
103. - Katherine Hepburn's "Me"?
- No!Copy !req
104. I suck!Copy !req
105. It was the most I ever threw up,Copy !req
106. and it changed my life forever.Copy !req
107. You the man, Homer!Copy !req
108. Thanks, boy.
Now for the crowning touch.Copy !req
109. I don't know, Dad.Copy !req
110. Don't you have a better picture?Copy !req
111. Relax. A photo
can't make any difference.Copy !req
112. - He looks crazy.
- Agreed.Copy !req
113. Reading his essay would
only waste valuable seconds.Copy !req
114. Finally,
the great taste of Worcestershire sauceCopy !req
115. in a soft drink!Copy !req
116. Steaky!Copy !req
117. Sorry, son, but there's
a program about campus lifeCopy !req
118. that I really should watch.Copy !req
119. We now return to
"School of Hard Knockers,"Copy !req
120. starring Corey Masterson.Copy !req
121. Dean Bitterman,Copy !req
122. I hope nothing unsavory
happens during my visit.Copy !req
123. As you know, I am
the president of the United States.Copy !req
124. Don't worry.Copy !req
125. I've expelled
those rowdy membersCopy !req
126. of Chug-a-Lug House.Copy !req
127. I hate that lousy dean.Copy !req
128. Your bra bomb better work,
Nerdlinger.Copy !req
129. Kay!Copy !req
130. Cory!Copy !req
131. Don't worry, Mr. President.Copy !req
132. I... Mr. President!Copy !req
133. Lighten up, Bitterman!Copy !req
134. That youngster will makeCopy !req
135. a perfect addition
to my cabinet.Copy !req
136. Secretary of partying down!Copy !req
137. Yes!
Take that, Bitterman!Copy !req
138. Homie, here are the responsesCopy !req
139. from the colleges
you applied to.Copy !req
140. D'Copy !req
141. D'D'Copy !req
142. Whoo-hoo! A flyer
for a hardware store!Copy !req
143. - D'
- Well, Pop, what are you gonna do?Copy !req
144. Something I should have done
a long time ago.Copy !req
145. - You don't know, do you?
- No, ma'am.Copy !req
146. Don't worry, Simpson.Copy !req
147. It just so happens
I have a chairCopy !req
148. at Springfield University.Copy !req
149. I'm sorry, Mr. Burns,
but I must object.Copy !req
150. This Simpson is not qualified.Copy !req
151. I see.Copy !req
152. Well, you know, fellas,Copy !req
153. I look at the admissions board
a lot like a baseball team.Copy !req
154. You all like baseball,
don't you?Copy !req
155. Yes, well, to have
a successful baseball clubCopy !req
156. you need teamwork.Copy !req
157. Not some hot-dog
admissions officerCopy !req
158. playing by his own rules!Copy !req
159. Excuse me.
What are you doing?Copy !req
160. I'm giving you
the beating of your life!Copy !req
161. Look, if... Stop that.Copy !req
162. If you wanted him that badly,
why didn't you just say so?Copy !req
163. Smithers, dismember the corpse
and send his widow a corsage.Copy !req
164. Whoo-hoo!
I'm a college man!Copy !req
165. I won't need
my high school diploma anymore!Copy !req
166. My first day of college.Copy !req
167. I wish my father
was alive to see this.Copy !req
168. - Hey!
- How long have you been back there?Copy !req
169. Three days.Copy !req
170. Nerd!Copy !req
171. Homer, that isn't very nice.Copy !req
172. Marge, try to understand.Copy !req
173. There are two kinds
of college students:Copy !req
174. jocks and nerds.Copy !req
175. As a jock, it is my duty
to give nerds a hard time.Copy !req
176. Hey, pal!Copy !req
177. Did you get a load of the nerd?Copy !req
178. Pardon me?Copy !req
179. I'll be a campus hero.Copy !req
180. Attention, everyone.
The punch has been spiked!Copy !req
181. Don't worry.
Your parents have been calledCopy !req
182. and will be here
to pick you up shortly!Copy !req
183. Yay!Copy !req
184. Marge, someone squeezed all
the life out of these kids.Copy !req
185. And unless movies and TV
have lied to me,Copy !req
186. it's a crusty, bitter, old dean.Copy !req
187. Hi there. Hello,
I'm Dean Peterson,Copy !req
188. but you can call me Bobby.Copy !req
189. I just want you to know,Copy !req
190. if you ever feel stressed out
from studying or whatever,Copy !req
191. I'm always up
for some hacky sack.Copy !req
192. Or if you just want to
come by and jam,Copy !req
193. I used to be the bass
player for the Pretenders.Copy !req
194. Boy, I can't wait to take
some of the starchCopy !req
195. out of that stuffed shirt.Copy !req
196. Good morning and welcome
to Nuclear Physics 101.Copy !req
197. I see a lot of new faces,
but you know the old saying...Copy !req
198. "Out with the old,
in with the nucleus."Copy !req
199. Now we'll begin by... Oops.Copy !req
200. Did you see that jerk?Copy !req
201. Dropped his notes!Copy !req
202. Now, if anyone
would like to stay,Copy !req
203. I'm going to hold
a comprehensive review sessionCopy !req
204. after every class.Copy !req
205. - Do we have to?
- No.Copy !req
206. Then kiss my curvy butt
good-bye.Copy !req
207. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
208. Homer, we have
a perfectly good bookcase.Copy !req
209. Yeah, but this is what
they're doing on campus.Copy !req
210. Besides, it isn't costing us.Copy !req
211. I swiped the cinder blocks
from a construction site.Copy !req
212. Sir, six cinder blocks
are missing.Copy !req
213. There'll be no hospital then.Copy !req
214. I'll tell the children.Copy !req
215. This proton accelerator
destabilizes the atomCopy !req
216. in this chamber here,
then propels it...Copy !req
217. Excuse me, Professor Brainiac,Copy !req
218. but I worked in
a nuclear power plant for 10 years,Copy !req
219. and, I think I know
how a proton accelerator works.Copy !req
220. Well, please come down
and show us.Copy !req
221. All right. I will.Copy !req
222. - In there, guys.
- Thanks, Homer.Copy !req
223. Homer, no one blames you
for the accident.Copy !req
224. We simply feel
you might benefit withCopy !req
225. a little outside tutoring.Copy !req
226. I researched these names myself.Copy !req
227. Yeah, you won this round, Dean,Copy !req
228. but the war isn't over.Copy !req
229. Hello.Copy !req
230. Hello, Dean.
You're a stupid-head!Copy !req
231. Homer, is that you?Copy !req
232. Hiya, gang.Copy !req
233. Intruder alert.
Intruder alert.Copy !req
234. Stop the humanoid.Copy !req
235. Look, I'm supposed to
get a physics tutor.Copy !req
236. Well, you've come to
the right place, then.Copy !req
237. If there's one thing we know,
it is science.Copy !req
238. And math.Copy !req
239. And the words to every
Monty Python routine.Copy !req
240. We are the knights
who say "Ni!"Copy !req
241. Ni! Ni! Ni!Copy !req
242. Ni.Copy !req
243. We played Dungeons & DragonsCopy !req
244. for three hours.Copy !req
245. Then I was slain by an elf.Copy !req
246. Listen to yourself, man.
You're hangin' with nerds.Copy !req
247. - You take that back!
- Homer, please.Copy !req
248. These boys sound very nice,
but they're clearly nerds.Copy !req
249. Really? But nerds
are my mortal enemy.Copy !req
250. Dad, nerds are nothing to fear.Copy !req
251. In fact, they've done some
pretty memorable things.Copy !req
252. Some nerds of note includeCopy !req
253. popcorn magnate
Orville Redenbacher,Copy !req
254. rock star David Byrne,Copy !req
255. and supreme court justice
David Souter.Copy !req
256. Not Souter!Copy !req
257. No!Copy !req
258. Come on, Mr. Simpson.
You'll never pass this courseCopy !req
259. if you don't know
the periodic table.Copy !req
260. I'll write it on my hand.Copy !req
261. Including all known
lanthanides and actinides?Copy !req
262. Good luck.Copy !req
263. Come on, guys.Copy !req
264. Look at yourselves!
All you do is study.Copy !req
265. I'm gonna show youCopy !req
266. the true meaning of college.Copy !req
267. We're gonna go out and par-ty!Copy !req
268. Wait a minute.
I'll put on my snow pants.Copy !req
269. - Me too.
- Me too.Copy !req
270. The college road trip.Copy !req
271. What better way to spread
beer-fueled mayhem?Copy !req
272. If you're going for a ride,Copy !req
273. I'd like you to take
Bart and Lisa.Copy !req
274. But, Marge, we're college guys,
and we're up to no good.Copy !req
275. Mr. Simpson, Gary spilled
his ear medicine.Copy !req
276. Those baby ducks were so cute.Copy !req
277. I can't believe they let us
walk right up and feed them.Copy !req
278. - I need to go to the bathroom.
- We stopped five minutes ago.Copy !req
279. Yeah, but someone
knocked on the door,Copy !req
280. and I couldn't go.Copy !req
281. I'm telling you.Copy !req
282. A big, crazy prank is just
what the doctor ordered.Copy !req
283. The dean will go nuts.Copy !req
284. I got it!Copy !req
285. We wait by his mailbox,
and when he comes outside,Copy !req
286. we roll him up in a carpet
and throw him off a bridge!Copy !req
287. So it's a prank
you're looking for, is it?Copy !req
288. I'll give you your prank.Copy !req
289. The only other college
in 50 milesCopy !req
290. is Springfield A&M,Copy !req
291. so they're our best target.Copy !req
292. Those bastards.Copy !req
293. Meet Sir Oinkcelot,Copy !req
294. the beloved mascot
of Springfield A&M.Copy !req
295. Here he is presiding
over last year's homecoming.Copy !req
296. Here he is conferring
an honorary degreeCopy !req
297. on Richard Nixon.Copy !req
298. And here he is rolling
in his own filth.Copy !req
299. Gentlemen, I propose
we kidnap Sir Oinkcelot.Copy !req
300. And then we roll him up
in a carpetCopy !req
301. and throw him off a bridge!Copy !req
302. What?Copy !req
303. Look,Copy !req
304. you pull its tail straight,Copy !req
305. and it curls
right back up again.Copy !req
306. Curly, straight.
Curly, straight.Copy !req
307. Curly, straight.
Curly, straight.Copy !req
308. Mr. Simpson, I don't think
he likes that.Copy !req
309. Of course he does.
He's a cute little piggy.Copy !req
310. Curly, straight.
Curly, straight.Copy !req
311. - Why, you little...
- Mr. Simpson, stop!Copy !req
312. It's a defenseless animal!Copy !req
313. Hey, the pig's
acting kinda funny.Copy !req
314. He and Mr. Simpson split
a case of malt liquor.Copy !req
315. Guys, he's really sick.Copy !req
316. Hello! That sounds like
a pig fainting.Copy !req
317. I'm sorry, boys.Copy !req
318. I-I've never expelled
anyone before,Copy !req
319. but that pig
had some powerful friends.Copy !req
320. You'll pay.
Don't think you won't pay!Copy !req
321. Guys, believe me.Copy !req
322. I didn't mean
to get you expelled.Copy !req
323. Don't worry, Mr. Simpson.Copy !req
324. We can take care of ourselves.Copy !req
325. Wallet inspector.Copy !req
326. Here you go.Copy !req
327. I believe that's all in order.Copy !req
328. I can't believe that worked!Copy !req
329. Hey! That's not
the wallet inspector.Copy !req
330. Marge, they don't have
anywhere to stay.Copy !req
331. And they're geniuses.Copy !req
332. They'll solve all our problems.Copy !req
333. They'll elevate us to the statusCopy !req
334. of kings on earth!Copy !req
335. Mr. Simpson,
we all have nosebleeds.Copy !req
336. For the love of...Copy !req
337. What's wrong with this phone?
It's making crazy noises.Copy !req
338. Those crazy noises
are computer signals.Copy !req
339. Yeah, some guys at M.I.T. are
sending us reasons whyCopy !req
340. Captain Picard
is better than Captain Kirk.Copy !req
341. Ha! They're out
of their minds.Copy !req
342. I heard about this.Copy !req
343. This is the one where Scratchy
finally gets Itchy.Copy !req
344. Wow!Copy !req
345. My purpose in life
is to witness this moment.Copy !req
346. We need the outlet
for our rock tumbler.Copy !req
347. Plug it in! Plug it in!Copy !req
348. What, the rock tumbler
or the TV?Copy !req
349. The TV! The TV!Copy !req
350. Wow! They'll never
let us show that again,Copy !req
351. not in a million years!Copy !req
352. Dad, start digging
some nerd holes.Copy !req
353. It's bad enough they put their
retainers in the dishwasher.Copy !req
354. Can't we do something?Copy !req
355. Look, I'm sure we can
work something outCopy !req
356. where we can all live
in harmony. Right, Marge?Copy !req
357. No, I want those geeks
out of my house.Copy !req
358. You really think you can
get us back into college?Copy !req
359. Absolutely.Copy !req
360. Now, the only antidote
to a zany schemeCopy !req
361. is an even zanier scheme!Copy !req
362. Why does it have to be zany?Copy !req
363. I've got it!Copy !req
364. We're gonna fix itCopy !req
365. so you guys save
the dean's life.Copy !req
366. Perfect.Copy !req
367. Okay, guys.Copy !req
368. We push him out of the way
in exactly three seconds.Copy !req
369. Should we correct
for wind resistance?Copy !req
370. Possibly.
What do you think?Copy !req
371. My.Copy !req
372. Well, Dean, I'm really sorry
for the running-you-over prank.Copy !req
373. Prank?Copy !req
374. And all those other pranks
were my idea too.Copy !req
375. I'm the one
who should be expelled.Copy !req
376. Well, I'm touched
by your honesty.Copy !req
377. And who knows...Copy !req
378. Perhaps I've been a bit
of an ogre myself.Copy !req
379. - Yes, you have.
- How's this?Copy !req
380. I'll re-admit your friends,Copy !req
381. and we'll forget this whole
silly incident ever occurred.Copy !req
382. Dean.
This is what your new hipCopy !req
383. is going to look like.Copy !req
384. You're gonna have to
go easy on it.Copy !req
385. It's good to be back
after all these weeks.Copy !req
386. Better check our
answering machine?Copy !req
387. Number of
messages received: zero.Copy !req
388. We really want to
thank you, Mr. Simpson.Copy !req
389. No problem, guys.Copy !req
390. The important thing
is that we wrapped upCopy !req
391. all the loose ends.Copy !req
392. So, in conclusion,Copy !req
393. good luck on tomorrow's
big final exam.Copy !req
394. Exam?Copy !req
395. This is just like one
of those bad dreams!Copy !req
396. What are you gonna do,
Mr. Simpson?Copy !req
397. Actually, I've been
working on a plan.Copy !req
398. During the exam,
I'll hide under some coats,Copy !req
399. and hope that somehow
everything will work out.Copy !req
400. Or with our help,Copy !req
401. you can cram like you've
never crammed before!Copy !req
402. Whatever.
Either way is good.Copy !req
403. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
404. Man. I can't believe
you failed.Copy !req
405. I'm gonna lose my jobCopy !req
406. just 'cause I'm
dangerously unqualified!Copy !req
407. Mr. Simpson,
there is a way.Copy !req
408. We could, well,Copy !req
409. use a computer
to change your grade.Copy !req
410. Computers can do that?Copy !req
411. Yes. The only problem is
the moral dilemma it raises,Copy !req
412. which requires...Copy !req
413. I love... Moral whuzzah?Copy !req
414. An A-plus!
How did you do it?Copy !req
415. Let's just say I had help fromCopy !req
416. a little magic box.Copy !req
417. You changed your grade
with a computer?Copy !req
418. D'Copy !req
419. Way to go, Dad!Copy !req
420. Look, the important thingCopy !req
421. is that we all learned a lesson.Copy !req
422. These guys learned
the richness and varietyCopy !req
423. of the world outside college.Copy !req
424. No, we didn't.Copy !req
425. Then I learned
the real value of collegeCopy !req
426. is to study and work hard.Copy !req
427. No, you didn't.Copy !req
428. You only passed
your course by cheating,Copy !req
429. which you always taught us
was wrong.Copy !req
430. - True.
- And I learned thatCopy !req
431. in order for you to set
a good example for your son,Copy !req
432. you're gonna take that course
over again without cheating.Copy !req
433. Marge!Copy !req
434. You're worse than
that crusty old dean.Copy !req
435. Well, I guess it's back
to college for me.Copy !req
436. And that means it's time to...
What did I teach you guys?Copy !req
437. Par-ty down?Copy !req
438. Yes!Copy !req
439. Shh!Copy !req
440. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.Copy !req