The Simpsons 8x8

Directed by Bob Anderson

Tress MacNeille as Angela Dare / Gwen the waitress / Homer's cousin's wife (voice) • Jon Lovitz as Artie Ziff (voice) / and various other minor characters. • Tress MacNeille as Angela Dare / Gwen / Homer's Cousin's Wife (voice) • Jon Lovitz as Artie Ziff / Llewellyn Sinclair / other minor characters. • Maggie Roswell as Rod Flanders (voice) • Maggie Roswell as Maude Flanders (voice)

A hurricane destroys the Flanders' home and they have to move into the church basement. The people of Springfield gather to rebuild their house, but when Ned sees the poor workmanship, he has a complete breakdown.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. D'oh!

2. - Ahh! - (tires screech)

3. D'oh!

4. (muttering): I want lemonade.

5. Hmm, pressure dropping, humidity rising

6. over 80%, increasing wind?

7. Here we are, chapter two:

8. "So Your Pressure Is Dropping?"

9. Dad, wake up!

10. What is it? Wha..?

11. I think a hurricane is coming!

12. Oh, Lisa.

13. There's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield.

14. Yes, but the records only go back to 1978

15. when the Hall of Records was mysteriously blown away.

16. What is it, boy?

17. Fire? Earthquake? Hippies?

18. - (yelps) - Hurricane!

19. Somehow the animals are always the first to know.

20. And the weather service has warned us to brace ourselves

21. for the onslaught of Hurricane Barbara.

22. And if you think naming a destructive storm

23. after a woman is sexist,

24. you obviously have never seen the gals

25. grabbing for items at a clearance sale.

26. Hmm. That's true, but he shouldn't say it.

27. We better pick up some supplies.

28. Stand behind the flaming garbage cans.

29. We'll be letting you into the store

30. 70 people at a time.

31. Oh let's just beat him up and take his stuff!

32. No, no, no! Do not listen to that man.

33. Remain calm.

34. You will all have a chance to be gouged.

35. - (appreciative murmurs) Thank goodness.

36. - (clamoring) - Whoa.

37. Oh, there's so little left.

38. Mom, let's just grab what we can and get out of here.

39. This storm is making people crazy.

40. The last pineapple... And plenty ripe too!

41. But I'm not fruit!

42. I'm a kid!

43. That's what the pumpkin said.

44. Hi, Lisa.

45. We're going to be in a pie!

46. Sir, for your own safety,

47. we do advise you to evacuate.

48. I ain't leaving!

49. I was born in this nursing home,

50. and I'll die in this nursing home!

51. Is there any chance of you changing your mind?

52. Sure. Let's go.

53. Well, need some help there?

54. You know, maybe you folks should come over

55. and hunker in our bunker.

56. Oh, it'll be fun.

57. We're going to go through our old canceled checks and receipts

58. and give ourselves an audit—

59. Make sure we don't owe anything extra.

60. Oh, I'm sure I'd be a third wheel.

61. No, siree. We'd be happy as hens to have you—

62. I would make it my business to be a third wheel.

63. Okely-dokely.

64. Ooh, I better go take down the manger scene.

65. If baby Jesus got loose

66. he could really do some damage.

67. Okay, it's the standard Grampa drill.

68. Everybody into the cellar!

69. Awesome!

70. So long, suckers!

71. Aww!

72. Yay!

73. Why don't we do something

74. to take our minds off the storm?

75. Ooh, a Rubik's cube!

76. Let's all work it together.

77. Okay, start with diagonal colors...

78. Use your main finger on the yellow side

79. and your other finger on the orange side

80. and turn it.

81. My main finger?

82. - Orange to orange! - You've got to start backwards!

83. One at a time!

84. Spin the middle side top-wise.

85. - Top-wise! - Now I remember why I put this down here

86. - in the first place! - (clatters)

87. It's dying down!

88. - All clear, everyone. - Dad, no!

89. This may just be the eye of the hurricane.

90. Relax. Can't you see how eerily calm it is?

91. See? I told you it was over.

92. Hmm... I don't remember a bowling alley being there—

93. Dear God, this is Marge Simpson.

94. If you stop this hurricane and save our family,

95. we will be forever grateful

96. and recommend you to all our friends.

97. So if you could find it in your infinite wisdom to—

98. Wait.

99. Listen, everybody.

100. The hurricane's over.

101. He fell for it!

102. Way to go, Marge!

103. Remarkable!

104. There doesn't seem to be any damage at all.

105. It just goes to show you

106. that everything will work out

107. if you have faith.

108. It's all gone.

109. Everything...

110. Gone-diddily-on.

111. Maude?

112. Rod?

113. Todd?

114. I'm right here, Daddy.

115. Oh, Neddy, it was terrifying.

116. I thought I was headed

117. for the eternal bliss of paradise.

118. Oh, my gosh!

119. Look at Rod!

120. I have a headache.

121. Well, sir, everyone's alive.

122. Guess that's something to be thankful for.

123. Now, that kind of attitude's

124. not going to get your house back.

125. I'm sure your insurance will cover the house.

126. Uh, well, no.

127. Neddy doesn't believe in insurance.

128. He considers it a form of gambling.

129. You know, it's kind of funny.

130. The only thing that survived the storm

131. were the family tombstones.

132. They're all we have left.

133. Well, call us if you need anything.

134. We got new clothes from the donation bin!

135. I'm a surfer!

136. Look, Daddy, Todd is stupid

137. and I'm with him.

138. And now Mommy's stupid. (laughs)

139. Looking good, Rod.

140. Looking good.

141. Neddy, I know this has been a terrible day

142. but, by golly, first thing tomorrow,

143. we're going to open up The Leftorium,

144. and before you know it, we'll be back on our feet.

145. Down here at Springfield mall

146. a storm-addled crowd appears to have turned its rage

147. on The Leftorium.

148. Surprisingly, people are grabbing things with both hands,

149. suggesting it's not just southpaws in this rampaging mob.

150. Try looking in the back.

151. Meantime, Springfield bowlers will be happy to hear

152. that the Bowl-a-Rama is back in business at its new location

153. teetering over the Carter-Dixon tunnel.

154. Reverend Lovejoy?

155. With all that's happened to us today, uh...

156. I kind of feel like Job.

157. Well...

158. Aren't you being a tad melodramatic, Ned?

159. Also, I believe Job was right-handed.

160. But, Reverend, I need to know.

161. Is God punishing me?

162. Ooh... Short answer: "Yes" with an "If."

163. Long answer: "No" with a "But."

164. Uh, if you need additional solace, by the way,

165. I've got a copy of something or other

166. by Art Linkletter in my office.

167. Even in my darkest hour,

168. I can turn to the good book for...

169. Son of a gun-diddily-un!

170. Those gilded edges smart.

171. Why me, Lord?

172. Where have I gone wrong?

173. I've always been nice to people.

174. I don't drink or dance or swear.

175. I've even kept kosher just to be on the safe side.

176. I've done everything the Bible says—

177. Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff.

178. What more could I do?

179. I—I feel like I'm coming apart here.

180. I want to yell out, but I—I just can't

181. dang-diddily-do-dang-do-don- diddily-darn do it.

182. I—I—I...

183. Ned! Maude!

184. You've got to go back to your house!

185. Something incredible has happened!

186. Oh, what happened now?

187. Did the rubble burn down?

188. No! Come on!

189. Yay!

190. Oh, they rebuilt our house.

191. Oh! It's a miracle.

192. I started making some calls last night, and before I knew it,

193. practically all of Springfield was offering to help.

194. - Mm-hmm. My pleasure. - Happy to help.

195. - Fabulous experience. - Sure!

196. Hope you like it, neighbor.

197. We didn't have the best tools

198. or all the know-how,

199. but we did have a wheelbarrow full of love.

200. And a cement mixer full of hope

201. and some cement.

202. Oh, it's wonderful.

203. I—I—I... I don't know how I can possibly repay you

204. but if any of you ever need a favor

205. just look for the happiest man in Springfield.

206. No, no, not me, friends.

207. He's talking about himself, but thanks for looking.

208. The living room and dining rooms

209. with a lovely flow for entertaining...

210. - Uh-huh. - (shirt rips)

211. And— Oh! Looks like a loose nail.

212. Eh, one out of 25 ain't bad.

213. Your beautiful kitchen, Ned.

214. Just as you remember it.

215. Was that, uh...

216. Was that toilet always next to the refrigerator?

217. Uh, Ned,

218. you ever try lugging a toilet up a flight of stairs?

219. Lisa and I built your room.

220. But I don't like this clown.

221. Uh, I wouldn't take it down

222. if I were you.

223. It's a load-bearing poster.

224. Now, this is a room with electricity

225. but it has too much electricity.

226. So I don't know.

227. You might want to wear a hat.

228. Uh-huh.

229. The floor feels a little gritty here.

230. Yeah. We ran out of floorboards there

231. so we painted the dirt.

232. Pretty clever!

233. Oh! Something is definitely wrong with this hallway!

234. Come on in!

235. It's your master bedroom!

236. Ow! My nose!

237. Well, I've seen about enough.

238. So, Flanders,

239. what do you think of the house that love built?

240. Aw, shoot!

241. Aww...

242. Now calm down, Neddily-diddily- diddily-diddily-diddily.

243. They did their best, shoddily-iddily-iddily-diddily.

244. Got to be nice— Hostility-ilitity-bility-dility.

245. Aw, hell, diddily-ding-dong crap!

246. Can't your morons do anything right?

247. - (crowd gasping) - Hey!

248. Ned, we meant well,

249. and everyone here tried their best.

250. Well, my family and I

251. can't live in good intentions, Marge!

252. Oh, your family is out of control

253. but we can't blame you

254. because you have good intentions.

255. Hey, back off, man!

256. Oh, okay, dude.

257. I wouldn't want you to have a cow, man.

258. Here's a catchphrase

259. you better learn for your adult years.

260. Hey, buddy, got a quarter?

261. I am shocked and appalled.

262. Mr. Flanders, with all due respect

263. Bart didn't do anything.

264. (gasps) Do I hear the sound of butting in?

265. It's got to be little Lisa Simpson,

266. Springfield's answer to a question no one asked!

267. - (goofy laughing) - What do we have here?

268. The long, flabby arm of the law?

269. The last case you got to the bottom of

270. was a case of Mallomars!

271. Mallomars. Oh, that's going in the act.

272. Oh, yeah, the clown,

273. the only one of you buffoons

274. who doesn't make me laugh.

275. And as for you, I don't know you,

276. but I'm sure you're a jerk!

277. Hey, I've only been here a few minutes.

278. What's going on?

279. You ugly, hate-filled man.

280. Hey, hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I, um...

281. What was the third thing you said?

282. Homer...

283. you are the worst human being

284. I have ever met.

285. Hey, I got off pretty easy.

286. Neddy? Uh, wait.

287. Where you going?

288. I just attacked all my friends and neighbors

289. just for trying to help me.

290. I'd like to commit myself.

291. Very well.

292. Shall I show you to your room,

293. or would you prefer to be dragged off

294. kicking and screaming?

295. Ooh, kicking and screaming, please.

296. As you wish.

297. Flanders?

298. Ned Flanders?

299. I'd better call Dr. Foster.

300. Yes, Dr. Foster here.

301. Ned Flanders?

302. You're sure?

303. No, no, no, I'll come right over.

304. And may God have mercy on us all.

305. Darling, there's an emergency at the hospital.

306. Where are my shoes?

307. Oh, I think they're in the den.

308. In the den?

309. May God have mercy on us all.

310. Well, how are you feeling this evening?

311. Uh...

312. actually, I'm a little chilly.

313. Can I have another straitjacket?

314. Of course.

315. Thank you.

316. Dr. Foster!

317. Hmm... Well, at least your memory is not crazy.

318. Now, Ned, you may remember

319. we spent some time together 30 years ago.

320. Do you recall what you were like back then?

321. - Oh, sure. I was a good little boy. - Were you?

322. Whee! I'm Dick Tracy!

323. Bam! Take that, Prune-Face!

324. Now I'm Prune-Face.

325. Take that, Dick Tracy!

326. Now I'm Prune Tracy.

327. Take that, Dick...

328. Ned, stop it at once!

329. - Stop it! - (film flapping)

330. I can't believe I was such a terror.

331. Well, neither could your parents.

332. That's why they brought you to me.

333. Well, I'm afraid young Ned is unusually aggressive

334. but I can't seem to find a cause for it.

335. Hey, hey!

336. Get down from that bookshelf, please.

337. Most of those books haven't been discredited yet.

338. Would you please tell your son to stop?

339. We can't do it, man.

340. That's discipline.

341. That's like telling Gene Krupa

342. not to go boom, boom, bap-bap-bap, boom, boom!

343. Boom! Boom! Tiss!

344. Hmm... Lack of discipline.

345. I'm beginning to see the problem.

346. We don't believe in rules.

347. Like, we gave them up

348. when we starting living like freaky beatniks.

349. You don't believe in rules, yet you want to control Ned's anger.

350. Yeah. You've got to help us, doc.

351. We've tried nothing, and we're all out of ideas.

352. Hmm... There is an experimental therapy

353. that might help Ned contain his anger.

354. It was known as the "University of Minnesota

355. Spankalogical Protocol."

356. And that's just about eight months...

357. Hmm... Now.

358. Well, Ned, how do you feel?

359. I feel...

360. Fine.

361. You don't feel...

362. Angry?

363. Abso-tively not-arino.

364. How do you feel about me?

365. Pretty darn diddily-doodly...

366. good.

367. The only problem with the treatment

368. was that it worked too well.

369. You became unable to express any anger at all.

370. From that point on, any time you felt angry

371. you could only respond

372. with a string of nonsensical jabbering.

373. Well, I'll be darn-diddily-arned.

374. Yeah, that's the stuff.

375. You suppressed your rage for so long

376. it finally erupted as a massive public explosion.

377. It sure did-diddily-id.

378. All right, all right, just watch it there.

379. I'm here to help, you know.

380. Now, I'd like to try something.

381. Is there any person

382. who makes you particularly angry?

383. Yello?

384. Yes?

385. Mental hospital?

386. I don't know any Ned Flanders.

387. The man who lived next door

388. until his house blew down.

389. Oh, him.

390. Mr. Simpson? Dr. Foster.

391. Please come with me.

392. You folks are free to roam the grounds.

393. Just remember:

394. One of our patients is a cannibal.

395. Try to guess which one.

396. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

397. Everyone outside of this room is against me!

398. I can hear you walking by—

399. It stinks! It stinks!

400. It stinks!

401. Yes, Mr. Sherman, everything stinks.

402. We want to teach Ned

403. to release his anger in healthy doses.

404. We need someone so irritating

405. that Ned simply will not be able to repress his rage.

406. Homer, can you be that annoying?

407. (grunts) What?

408. Get in the booth.

409. "Ned Flanders, I mock your value system.

410. You also appear foolish in the eyes of others."

411. (chuckles) Well, howdy, Homer.

412. Ooh, thanks for dropping by.

413. Mm, he's not responding.

414. Proceed to level two antagonism.

415. "Past instances in which I professed to like you

416. were fraudulent."

417. Oh, well, I'll just have to try harder.

418. (chuckles) Ooh! Thanks for dropping by.

419. Ah, he's still repressing.

420. Maximum hostility factor.

421. "I engaged in intercourse

422. with your spouse or significant other."

423. Now, that's psychiatry.

424. Huh? Huh?

425. Very funny, wise guy.

426. Aw, that's it.

427. You just can't insult this guy.

428. You call him a moron

429. and he just sits there grinning moron-ally.

430. Hi, neighbor.

431. You know what your problem is, Flanders?

432. You're afraid to be human.

433. (chuckles) No. Now, why would I be afraid of that?

434. Because humans are obnoxious sometimes.

435. Humans hate things.

436. Well, maybe a few of them do...

437. Back east.

438. I can't find what Homer's saying.

439. Did you write that?

440. Um... Did you like it?

441. Come on, Flanders.

442. There's got to be something you hate.

443. What about mosquito bites?

444. Mmm-mmm. Sure are fun to scratch.

445. Mmm, satisfying.

446. What about, uh...

447. fluorescent lights?

448. Oh, they hum like angels.

449. You're never lonely if you've got a fluorescent light.

450. See? You like everything.

451. No, that's not true.

452. I—I—I... I don't like the service at the post office.

453. You know, it's all rush, rush, get you in, get you out.

454. Then they've got those machines in the lobby—

455. They're even faster. No help there.

456. You might even say...

457. I hate the post office.

458. That and my parents.

459. Lousy beatniks.

460. Hey, that felt good.

461. He just said he hates his parents.

462. Do you know what that means?

463. Uh, what do you think?

464. It means he's cured.

465. That's what I said.

466. Thanks, everyone.

467. I'm all better now.

468. No more storing up the anger till I explode.

469. If any of you does something I don't like,

470. you are going to hear about it.

471. Yes, that's very healthy, Ned.

472. And if you really tick me off,

473. I'm going to run you down with my car.

474. - Ha! - Yeah... Um...

475. Ned, you so crazy.

476. Shh!

477. CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.