1. The Simpsons.Copy !req
2. Marge, can't we
get some clear plates?Copy !req
3. I can't see the TV.Copy !req
4. Is it really necessary
to watch TV while we're eating?Copy !req
5. We're getting food all over.Copy !req
6. Yoink!Copy !req
7. If you really wanted us
to be neaterCopy !req
8. you'd serve us
out of one long bowl.Copy !req
9. You're talking
about a trough.Copy !req
10. We're not going
to eat from a trough.Copy !req
11. And another thing,
it's only 5:15.Copy !req
12. Why are you
in your underwear?Copy !req
13. Hey, this ain't
the Ritz.Copy !req
14. At least let's have a civilized
conversation, shall we?Copy !req
15. Lisa, how was school?Copy !req
16. How was what?
What?Copy !req
17. School! School!Copy !req
18. It's not time
for school.Copy !req
19. I know it's not...Copy !req
20. I'm going into
the dining roomCopy !req
21. to have a conversation.Copy !req
22. Anyone who wants
to join me is welcome.Copy !req
23. Hello, Marge,
how's the family?Copy !req
24. I don't want
to talk about it.Copy !req
25. Mind your own business.Copy !req
26. Keep it down in there,
everybody.Copy !req
27. Homer, is this the way
you pictured married life?Copy !req
28. Yeah, pretty much.Copy !req
29. Except we drove around in
a van solving mysteries.Copy !req
30. Well, I pictured
cocktail partiesCopy !req
31. and candlelit dinners.Copy !req
32. I pictured napkins!Copy !req
33. Homer, I want to throw
a dinner party.Copy !req
34. Oh, I hate
having parties.Copy !req
35. The toilet
always gets backed up.Copy !req
36. I don't care
if the sink shoots sludge.Copy !req
37. We're having a party.Copy !req
38. Man, that is flagrant
false advertising!Copy !req
39. It's just not a dinner party
without a melon ballerCopy !req
40. and we'll need a citrus zesterCopy !req
41. a ravioli crimper.Copy !req
42. Ooh, an oyster mallet.Copy !req
43. "Made in U.S.A."Copy !req
44. Oh, no, thank you.Copy !req
45. Hey, Lis,
check this out.Copy !req
46. Nonstick coating.Copy !req
47. A punchbowl like that
just screams good taste.Copy !req
48. Wouldn't it be perfect
for the dinner party?Copy !req
49. Oh, we can't afford that.Copy !req
50. Who do you think
I am, Liz Taylor?Copy !req
51. Well, maybe we could
use it onceCopy !req
52. and then return it.Copy !req
53. Marge, we're not
talkingCopy !req
54. about a toothbrush here.Copy !req
55. Bart, company's coming.Copy !req
56. Go put doilies under the coasters.
Hurry! Hurry!Copy !req
57. Lisa, quick,
screw these back on.Copy !req
58. Mom, calm down.Copy !req
59. The party's not for
another three hours.Copy !req
60. Oh, good.Copy !req
61. That will give me timeCopy !req
62. to add another coat
of glaze to the ham.Copy !req
63. Homer!Copy !req
64. What?Copy !req
65. Are you ready?Copy !req
66. Just got to put my shoes on.Copy !req
67. The only thing I asked
you to do for this partyCopy !req
68. was put on clothes
and you didn't do it.Copy !req
69. And now it's too late!Copy !req
70. They're here!Copy !req
71. Bart, greet our guests
and take their coats.Copy !req
72. Mom, Reverend Lovejoy
doesn't have a coat.Copy !req
73. Should I let him in?Copy !req
74. My coat was stolenCopy !req
75. at last week's
interfaith banquetCopy !req
76. so I helped myselfCopy !req
77. to a few
of the better umbrellas.Copy !req
78. Well, as you can seeCopy !req
79. we don't believe
fur is murder.Copy !req
80. But paying for
it sure is.Copy !req
81. Uh, sorry we're lateCopy !req
82. but Luann had to
put on her face.Copy !req
83. She doesn't want
anyone to knowCopy !req
84. she's got no eyebrows.Copy !req
85. What? You don't.Copy !req
86. Did anyone see that
new Woodsy Allen movie?Copy !req
87. You know, I'd like
his films except forCopy !req
88. that nervous fellow
who's always in them.Copy !req
89. If you want to talk nervous,
you should have seen Kirk dealCopy !req
90. with the high school boys
who egged our Bonneville.Copy !req
91. I should've asked them
to hurl some bacon.Copy !req
92. Then maybe I could've had
a decent breakfast for once.Copy !req
93. You know what
you two need?Copy !req
94. A little comic strip
called "Love Is".Copy !req
95. It's about two naked eight-year-olds
who are married.Copy !req
96. Hmm, well...Copy !req
97. Marge, if that was
my last mealCopy !req
98. I'd tell the warden, "Bring on
the lethal injection".Copy !req
99. Yeah, Marge, I know
I haven't eaten that wellCopy !req
100. since I was in the army.Copy !req
101. Or that noisily.Copy !req
102. All right, that's it.Copy !req
103. So, who wants
to play a game?Copy !req
104. Oh... That's a
noodle scratcher.Copy !req
105. Cornstarch!Copy !req
106. Oh, righty-oh!Copy !req
107. It's good for keeping
down the urges.Copy !req
108. Oh, come on, Luann.
You know what this is.Copy !req
109. Kirk, I don't know
what it is.Copy !req
110. Ah, it could not be
more simple, Luann.Copy !req
111. Do you want me to show
this to the catCopy !req
112. and have the cat
tell you what it is?Copy !req
113. 'Cause the cat's
going to get it.Copy !req
114. I'm sorry I'm not
as smart as you, Kirk.Copy !req
115. We didn't all
go to Gudger college.Copy !req
116. It's "Dignity!" Gahh!Copy !req
117. Don't you even know
dignity when you see it?Copy !req
118. Kirk, you're spitting.Copy !req
119. Okay, genius,Copy !req
120. why don't you draw dignity?Copy !req
121. Oh, that's dignity all right.Copy !req
122. Worthy of Webster's.Copy !req
123. It's no wonder
I can't draw dignity.Copy !req
124. I gave it up
when I married her.Copy !req
125. Now, Kirk,
it's only a game.Copy !req
126. Sometimes, we...Copy !req
127. Aw, cram it, churchy!Copy !req
128. Maybe we should all have
a few drinks.Copy !req
129. I'd have a drink,Copy !req
130. but it might
loosen my tongue.Copy !req
131. You want to talk?
Go ahead, Luann, talk.Copy !req
132. Why don't you
tell themCopy !req
133. one of your little
bedtime stories, huh?Copy !req
134. Like the one about
how rotten it isCopy !req
135. to be married
to a loser.Copy !req
136. Or how about
the one aboutCopy !req
137. how I carry a change purse?Copy !req
138. Yeah, a purse!Copy !req
139. Shut up and let the woman talk.Copy !req
140. Okay, Kirk,
I'll tell a story.Copy !req
141. It's about a man
whose father-in-lawCopy !req
142. gave him a sweet job as
manager of a cracker factory.Copy !req
143. Boring.Copy !req
144. A man whose complete lackCopy !req
145. of business sense
and managerial impotence...Copy !req
146. Ooh, here we go.Copy !req
147. sent the number-one
cracker factory in townCopy !req
148. into a tie for sixth with
Tabletime and Allied Biscuit.Copy !req
149. You want to hear
a secret, everybody?Copy !req
150. Luann loves it...
Loves it...Copy !req
151. When I fail.Copy !req
152. Oh, yes, Kirk, I love having to
borrow money from my sister.Copy !req
153. I love having to steal clothes
from the church donation box.Copy !req
154. Oh, sweet Jesus.Copy !req
155. Lisa, why don't you
come sing for us?Copy !req
156. You're a grand old flag...Copy !req
157. Oh, great.
You got the kid singing.Copy !req
158. I hope you're happy now.Copy !req
159. I am not happyCopy !req
160. and I haven't been happy
for a long time.Copy !req
161. I want a divorce!Copy !req
162. A... divorce?Copy !req
163. Sure. Divorce.Copy !req
164. Hey, you got it,
tootsCopy !req
165. and here's a picture
even you can figure out.Copy !req
166. It's a door! Use it!Copy !req
167. That's a door?Copy !req
168. Hello, I'm Doctor Hibbert.Copy !req
169. I'm afraid I'm going to have
to amputate your butt.Copy !req
170. All right,
if you think you must.Copy !req
171. Come on, Milhouse,
we are going.Copy !req
172. Aw, can't I come home later?Copy !req
173. There's not going to be
a home later.Copy !req
174. Oh, okay.Copy !req
175. Ta-ta, I'm off
to the beauty salon.Copy !req
176. Good night.Copy !req
177. Thanks for coming.Copy !req
178. We'll see you.Copy !req
179. Bye-bye.Copy !req
180. Well, I think that
went pretty well.Copy !req
181. What?Copy !req
182. I feel terrible.Copy !req
183. The Van Houtens
split up at our party.Copy !req
184. Marge, please.Copy !req
185. That was 20 minutes ago.Copy !req
186. I shouldn't have servedCopy !req
187. those North Korean
fortune cookies.Copy !req
188. They were so insulting:
"You are a coward."Copy !req
189. No one likes to hear that
after a nice meal.Copy !req
190. You can't keep
blaming yourself.Copy !req
191. Just blame yourself
once and move on.Copy !req
192. You know who the real
victim is in all of this...Copy !req
193. Milhouse.Copy !req
194. Hey, Van Houten,
I heard your folks broke up.Copy !req
195. Aren't you going
to say, "Ha-ha"?Copy !req
196. Oh, by no means.Copy !req
197. My dad left my momCopy !req
198. after she got hooked
on cough drops.Copy !req
199. By the end,
her breath was so fresh...Copy !req
200. she wasn't really
my mother anymore.Copy !req
201. So I guess
I'm not alone.Copy !req
202. Ah, you'll do fine.Copy !req
203. My divorce was tough on my kidCopy !req
204. but he got over it.Copy !req
205. I sleep in a drawer.Copy !req
206. I dig the nightlife.Copy !req
207. Got the boogie...Copy !req
208. I must say, Luann,
you're reallyCopy !req
209. handling this
splendidly.Copy !req
210. From now on, forget everything
you thought you knewCopy !req
211. about Luann Van Houten.Copy !req
212. Actually, Luann,
I don't reallyCopy !req
213. know anything
about you.Copy !req
214. Forget it.
She's gone.Copy !req
215. Presto-chango!Copy !req
216. Kaboom!Copy !req
217. Sweet Fanny Adams!Copy !req
218. Bye-bye!Copy !req
219. Singles life
is great, homer.Copy !req
220. I can do whatever I want.Copy !req
221. Today I drank a beer
in the bathroom.Copy !req
222. The one down the hall.Copy !req
223. Yeah. And another great thing:Copy !req
224. You get your own bed.Copy !req
225. I sleep in a racing car.
Do you?Copy !req
226. I sleep in a big bed
with my wife.Copy !req
227. Oh. Yeah.Copy !req
228. Hey, there, Kirk.Copy !req
229. Oh, boy, what's going on?Copy !req
230. Patio party?Copy !req
231. No. A possum drowned
in the pool.Copy !req
232. You have any garbage bags?Copy !req
233. Uh, just throw it
over the fence.Copy !req
234. Let Arby's worry about it.Copy !req
235. That's Jerry.Copy !req
236. He's a major player
down at the sewing store.Copy !req
237. Well, thanks
for introducing me.Copy !req
238. Oh, don't worry, Homer.Copy !req
239. You know meCopy !req
240. and I'm a superstar
at the cracker factory.Copy !req
241. You're letting me go?Copy !req
242. Kirk, crackers
are a family food.Copy !req
243. Happy families.Copy !req
244. Maybe single people
eat crackers; We don't know.Copy !req
245. Frankly, we don't
want to know.Copy !req
246. It's a market
we could do without.Copy !req
247. So that's it...
After 20 yearsCopy !req
248. so long, good luck?Copy !req
249. I don't recall
saying good luck.Copy !req
250. And the winner
of the Milhouse 500 is...Copy !req
251. Milhouse!Copy !req
252. Milhouse, are you sureCopy !req
253. you want
to drive that inside?Copy !req
254. Yes.Copy !req
255. Okay. Be careful,
sweet, sweet treasure.Copy !req
256. God, I missed you, Lu-Lu.Copy !req
257. Chase...Copy !req
258. It's only been three hours.Copy !req
259. Who's Chase?Copy !req
260. Oh. That's mom's
new boyfriend.Copy !req
261. Hey, I know you
from American Gladiators.Copy !req
262. You're Pyro!Copy !req
263. Only on weekends.Copy !req
264. During the weekCopy !req
265. I'm just your average
work-a-day stuntman.Copy !req
266. Really?Copy !req
267. Go ahead.
Break a chair on me.Copy !req
268. Wow! Thanks.Copy !req
269. Okay, boys,
I got to go.Copy !req
270. Come on, Lu-Lu,
let's roll.Copy !req
271. Ow! Gee. Ow!Copy !req
272. What the hell
is wrong with you?Copy !req
273. Geez, sor-ry.Copy !req
274. It's a pretty standard
stunt, Homer.Copy !req
275. Homer, get ready!Copy !req
276. For what?Copy !req
277. Remember?
Luann and ChaseCopy !req
278. are taking us out
to hear Spalding Gray.Copy !req
279. I don't want to go to that.Copy !req
280. You said you'd do it
as a favor to me.Copy !req
281. That doesn't sound
like something I'd say.Copy !req
282. Fine. I'll go
without you.Copy !req
283. Okay. Love ya.Copy !req
284. Homer, I want you to meet
my new special lady.Copy !req
285. Say hello to Starla.Copy !req
286. Can I have the keys
to the car, lover?Copy !req
287. I feel like
changing wigs.Copy !req
288. Okay.Copy !req
289. Starla's a temp
at K-ZOG radio 530.Copy !req
290. She's going to help me
launch my singing career.Copy !req
291. My car!Copy !req
292. Oh, my demo tape!Copy !req
293. "Can I Borrow a Feeling?"Copy !req
294. "Can I Borrow a Feeling?"Copy !req
295. That's your picture
on the front.Copy !req
296. Go ahead, Homer,
laugh at me.Copy !req
297. I already did.Copy !req
298. You know why
all this happened, don't you?Copy !req
299. 'Cause I took
my marriage for granted.Copy !req
300. You know, in 12 yearsCopy !req
301. I never once helped out
with the housework?Copy !req
302. Oh, yeah,
you got to do that.Copy !req
303. I could've at least
stayed in shape for her.Copy !req
304. Oh, and for yourself.Copy !req
305. I could've taken
just a little timeCopy !req
306. to make her feel special.Copy !req
307. It can't just be sex.
It can't.Copy !req
308. God, I was so self-centered.Copy !req
309. No wonder
I didn't see it coming.Copy !req
310. That's how it is, though.Copy !req
311. One day your wife is
making you your favorite mealCopy !req
312. the next day
you're thawing a hot dogCopy !req
313. in a gas station sink.Copy !req
314. Oh, that's tough, pal.Copy !req
315. But it's never going
to happen to me.Copy !req
316. Well, how do you know?Copy !req
317. What makes you guys so special?Copy !req
318. 'Cause Marge and I
have one thingCopy !req
319. that can never be broken:Copy !req
320. A strong marriage built on
a solid foundation of routine.Copy !req
321. Marge, I'm home.Copy !req
322. Where are you?Copy !req
323. Are you okay?Copy !req
324. I don't smell dinner.Copy !req
325. "Dear Homer..."Copy !req
326. "Sorry you didn't want
to join me tonight.Copy !req
327. "I left you hot dogs
for dinner.Copy !req
328. They're thawing in the sink."Copy !req
329. Hi, Dad.Copy !req
330. You know, there's
buns in the cabinet.Copy !req
331. Lisa, wait.Copy !req
332. I know you're only
eight years oldCopy !req
333. and I don't want to put
a lot of pressure on youCopy !req
334. but you've got
to save my marriage.Copy !req
335. Oh. Okay.
Can I stay up?Copy !req
336. Mmm... all right.Copy !req
337. As you know,
there's beenCopy !req
338. a lot of talk
about divorce latelyCopy !req
339. and I think your mom
might not be happy with me.Copy !req
340. You've done a lot of crazy stuff
over the yearsCopy !req
341. and she stood by you.Copy !req
342. Why would she
leave you now?Copy !req
343. 'Cause there's lots of stuff
she doesn't know about.Copy !req
344. You mean, like your poker shack
out in the swamp?Copy !req
345. She knows.Copy !req
346. Oh, I knew this would happen.Copy !req
347. Our whole marriage started off
on the wrong foot.Copy !req
348. Dearly beloved, we are gatheredCopy !req
349. in the sight of God
and this casino to join...Copy !req
350. Homer.Copy !req
351. - And...
- Marge.Copy !req
352. In holy matrimony.Copy !req
353. By the power vested in me
by the state gaming commissionCopy !req
354. I pronounce you
man and wife.Copy !req
355. Here's ten dollars
worth of chips.Copy !req
356. You may kiss the bride.Copy !req
357. See?Copy !req
358. You don't have to spend
a lot of moneyCopy !req
359. to have a first-class
wedding reception.Copy !req
360. It's getting less
and less likelyCopy !req
361. you're going
to yell "Surprise"Copy !req
362. and have all my
friends jump out.Copy !req
363. "Levi's."Copy !req
364. Hey, you think that truck
is full of jeans?Copy !req
365. You're very lucky
to have mom.Copy !req
366. That's your advice?
Go to bed.Copy !req
367. Good morning.Copy !req
368. You know, Marge,
I was thinkingCopy !req
369. about how much I enjoy
your interestsCopy !req
370. so I wandered overCopy !req
371. to that theater
you went to last nightCopy !req
372. and I bought tickets
to their entire season.Copy !req
373. Look, Mostly Madrigal.Copy !req
374. Hey, that might be good.Copy !req
375. Oh, oh, An Evening
with Philip Glass.Copy !req
376. Just an evening?Copy !req
377. Voices of
the Elderly Poor. Hmm...Copy !req
378. Homey, I appreciate thisCopy !req
379. but I'd really like
to get some sleep.Copy !req
380. Oh, of course, my sweet.Copy !req
381. I'll just make some
soothing ocean sounds for you.Copy !req
382. Arr, matey.Copy !req
383. Armando, don't you think
you're taking a lot off...Copy !req
384. Homer, what are you doing?Copy !req
385. I wanted to surprise you
with a kicky summer do.Copy !req
386. How many husbands would
do that for their wives?Copy !req
387. None... They'd have
more sense than that.Copy !req
388. Ooh... you're feisty.Copy !req
389. I'm going to give
you a Madonna cut.Copy !req
390. Mmm! HomerCopy !req
391. I don't need you around me
24 hours a day.Copy !req
392. I'm a grown woman.Copy !req
393. I can take care of myself.Copy !req
394. Now will you please
just go away?Copy !req
395. Oh... I just
made things worse.Copy !req
396. A few clumsy gestures
aren't going to make upCopy !req
397. for ten years of neglect.Copy !req
398. Marge deserves someone
who will treat her right.Copy !req
399. Marge deserves a fresh start.Copy !req
400. I'd like to file for...Copy !req
401. divorce.Copy !req
402. These things happen.
Eight dollars.Copy !req
403. Only three cavities, Bart.Copy !req
404. Your best checkup ever.Copy !req
405. I'm going to make
you my specialty...Copy !req
406. Butterscotch chicken.Copy !req
407. Marge?Copy !req
408. Can you
come in here?Copy !req
409. We need to talk.Copy !req
410. Surprise!Copy !req
411. Surprise.Copy !req
412. Marge, will you
marry me?Copy !req
413. Why, am I pregnant?Copy !req
414. No.Copy !req
415. It's a second wedding, honey.Copy !req
416. Our first one was so crummy,
I had to make it up to you.Copy !req
417. I really love you.Copy !req
418. Oh, Homey.Copy !req
419. I know you love me.Copy !req
420. We don't need
to get married again.Copy !req
421. Yes, we do.Copy !req
422. I got us a divorce
this afternoon.Copy !req
423. What?Copy !req
424. I didn't want
a hokey second weddingCopy !req
425. like those ones on TV.Copy !req
426. This one is for real.Copy !req
427. I want our marriage
to be perfectCopy !req
428. right from the startCopy !req
429. so we don't end up
like Kirk and Luann.Copy !req
430. We never will.Copy !req
431. Dearly beloved...Copy !req
432. Wait.Copy !req
433. I want one last chance
to enjoy single life.Copy !req
434. Okay, ready.Copy !req
435. I will nowCopy !req
436. read these special vowsCopy !req
437. which Homer has prepared
for this occasion.Copy !req
438. "Do you, Marge, take HomerCopy !req
439. in richness and in poorness,"
"Poorness" is underlined...Copy !req
440. "In impotence and in potence.Copy !req
441. "In quiet solitude.Copy !req
442. "Or blasting across
the Alkali FlatsCopy !req
443. in a jet-powered,
monkey-navigated..."Copy !req
444. And it goes on like this.Copy !req
445. It doesn't matter.Copy !req
446. All I want to know isCopy !req
447. will you make me the luckiest guy
in the world...Copy !req
448. again?Copy !req
449. I will.Copy !req
450. Oh, Homey,
of course I will.Copy !req
451. Come on, you stupid...Copy !req
452. By the power vested in meCopy !req
453. I now pronounce you
husband and wife.Copy !req
454. It's the most
perfect weddingCopy !req
455. I could ever ask for.Copy !req
456. You've even got a hip
rock 'n' roll combo.Copy !req
457. Okay, everybody,
who likes the Doobie Brothers?Copy !req
458. 'Cause we've got one of them.Copy !req
459. What a wonderful evening.Copy !req
460. A magical way for two people
to renew their love.Copy !req
461. Marge is right.Copy !req
462. I-I've got something
I'd like to say.Copy !req
463. Would you guys do a favor
for a guy in love?Copy !req
464. - Sure.
- Yeah.Copy !req
465. That's why
we're here.Copy !req
466. Hi, everybody.Copy !req
467. Hi.Copy !req
468. And hit it!Copy !req
469. Can I borrow a feeling?Copy !req
470. Could you lend me
a jar of love?Copy !req
471. Hurtin' hearts
need some healing.Copy !req
472. Take my hand with
your glove of love.Copy !req
473. How about it, Luann?Copy !req
474. Will you marry me... again?Copy !req
475. Ooh, no.Copy !req
476. Well...Copy !req
477. Uh, can I have my
shirts back, at least?Copy !req
478. Okay, you heard the lady.Copy !req
479. Why don't you take
it outside, all right?Copy !req
480. Uh, I'll be back.Copy !req
481. Prob-probably.Copy !req
482. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.Copy !req