1. D'oh!Copy !req
2. Marge, can't we get some clear plates?
I can't see the TV!Copy !req
3. Is it really necessary to watch TV
while we're eating?Copy !req
4. We're getting food all over.Copy !req
5. Yoink!Copy !req
6. If you really wanted us to be neater,
you'd serve us out of one long bowl.Copy !req
7. You're talking about a trough.
We're not going to eat from a trough.Copy !req
8. And another thing.
It's only 5:15.Copy !req
9. - Why are you in your underwear?
- Hey, this ain't the Ritz.Copy !req
10. At least let's have
a civilized conversation, shall we?Copy !req
11. - Lisa, how was school?
- How was what? What?Copy !req
12. - School! School!
- It's not time for school.Copy !req
13. I know it's not time-Copy !req
14. I'm going into the dining room
to have a conversation.Copy !req
15. Anyone who wants to
join me is welcome.Copy !req
16. Hello, Marge. How's the family?
I don't want to talk about it!Copy !req
17. - Mind your own business.
- Keep it down in there, everybody!Copy !req
18. Homer, is this the way you
pictured married life?Copy !req
19. Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around
in a van solving mysteries.Copy !req
20. Well, I pictured cocktail parties
and candlelit dinners. I pictured napkins.Copy !req
21. Homer, I want to throw
a dinner party.Copy !req
22. Oh, I hate having parties.
The toilet always gets backed up.Copy !req
23. I don't care if the sink shoots sludge.
We're having a party.Copy !req
24. Man, that is flagrant
false advertising!Copy !req
25. It's just not a dinner party
without a melon baller.Copy !req
26. And we'll need a citrus zester,
a ravioli crimper.Copy !req
27. Ooh, an oyster mallet.
"Made in U.S.A."Copy !req
28. No, thank you.Copy !req
29. Hey, Lise, check this out.
Nonstick coating.Copy !req
30. Ooh. A punch bowl like that
just screams good taste.Copy !req
31. Wouldn't it be perfect
for the dinner party?Copy !req
32. Oh, we can't afford that.
Who do you think I am, Liz Taylor?Copy !req
33. Well, maybe we could use
it once and then return it.Copy !req
34. - Marge, we're not talking about a toothbrush here.Copy !req
35. Bart, company's coming.Copy !req
36. - Go put doilies under the coasters. Hurry! Hurry!Copy !req
37. Lisa, quick!
Screw these back on.Copy !req
38. Mom, calm down.
The party's not for another three hours.Copy !req
39. Oh, good. That will give me time to
add another coat of glaze to the ham.Copy !req
40. - Ohh!
- Homer!Copy !req
41. - What?
- Are you ready?Copy !req
42. Just gotta put my shoes on.Copy !req
43. The only thing I asked you to do
for this party was put on clothes...Copy !req
44. - and you didn't do it.Copy !req
45. And now it's too late!
They're here!Copy !req
46. Bart, greet our guests
and take their coats.Copy !req
47. Mom, Reverend Lovejoy doesn't
have a coat. Should I let him in?Copy !req
48. My coat was stolen
at last week's interfaith banquet.Copy !req
49. So I helped myself to a few
of the better umbrellas.Copy !req
50. Well, as you can see,
we don't believe fur is murder...Copy !req
51. - but paying for it sure is.Copy !req
52. Uh, sorry we're late.
But Luann had to put on her face.Copy !req
53. She doesn't want anyone to know
she's got no eyebrows. What? You don't.Copy !req
54. Did anyone see that
new Woodsy Allen movie?Copy !req
55. You know, I like his films, except for
that nervous fella's always in 'em.Copy !req
56. If you want to talk nervous, you should have
seen Kirk deal with the high school boys...Copy !req
57. - who egged our Bonneville.
- Ha! Should have asked them to hurl some bacon.Copy !req
58. Then maybe I could have had
a decent breakfast for once.Copy !req
59. You know what you two need?
A little comic strip called Love Is.Copy !req
60. It's about two naked eight-year-olds
who are married.Copy !req
61. Mmm! Well, Marge,
if that was my last meal...Copy !req
62. - I'd tell the warden, "Bring on the lethal injection!"Copy !req
63. Yeah, Marge. I know I haven't eaten
that well since I was in the army.Copy !req
64. - Or that noisily.
- All right, that's it.Copy !req
65. So, who wants to play
a game? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?Copy !req
66. Oh, that's a noodle-scratcher.Copy !req
67. - Oh! Cornstarch!
- Oh, rightio!Copy !req
68. It's good for
keeping down the urges.Copy !req
69. Oh, come on, Luann.
You know what this is.Copy !req
70. Kirk, I don't know what it is.Copy !req
71. Oy! It could not be
more simple, Luann.Copy !req
72. Do you want me to show this to the cat
and have the cat tell you what it is?Copy !req
73. - 'Cause the cat's gonna get it.
- I'm sorry. I'm not as smart as you, Kirk.Copy !req
74. We didn't all
go to Gudger College.Copy !req
75. - It's dignity!Copy !req
76. Gah! Don't you even know
dignity when you see it?Copy !req
77. - Kirk, you're spitting!
- Okay, genius, why don't you draw dignity?Copy !req
78. - Oh, that's dignity, all right!
- That's great!Copy !req
79. Worthy of Webster's.Copy !req
80. Well, it's no wonder I can't draw dignity.
I gave it up when I married her.Copy !req
81. Now, Kirk, it's only a game.
Sometimes we-Copy !req
82. - Oh, cram it, Churchie!
- Maybe we should all have a few drinks.Copy !req
83. I'd have a drink,
but it might loosen my tongue.Copy !req
84. You want to talk?
Go ahead, Luann, talk.Copy !req
85. Why don't you tell them one of
your little bedtime stories, huh?Copy !req
86. Like the one about how rotten
it is to be married to a loser.Copy !req
87. Or how about the one about
how I carry a change purse?Copy !req
88. - Yeah, a purse!
- Shut up and let the woman talk!Copy !req
89. Okay, Kirk, I'll tell a story.Copy !req
90. It's about a man whose
father-in-law gave him a sweet job...Copy !req
91. - as manager of a cracker factory.
- Boring!Copy !req
92. A man whose complete lack of business
sense and managerial impotence-Copy !req
93. - Ooh! Here we go!
- sent the number one cracker factory in town...Copy !req
94. into a tie for sixth with
Table Time and Allied Biscuit.Copy !req
95. You want to
hear a secret, everybody?Copy !req
96. Luann loves it!
Loves it when I fail!Copy !req
97. Oh, yes, Kirk. I love having to
borrow money from my sister.Copy !req
98. I love having to steal clothes
from the church donation box.Copy !req
99. - Oh, sweetJesus!Copy !req
100. Lisa, why don't you
come sing for us?Copy !req
101. You got the kid singing!
I hope you're happy now!Copy !req
102. I am not happy.
And I haven't been happy for a long time.Copy !req
103. - I want a divorce!Copy !req
104. l- l-
A... divorce?Copy !req
105. Sure. Divorce.
Hey, you got it, toots!Copy !req
106. And here's a picture
even you can figure out!Copy !req
107. - It's a door! Use it!
- That's a door?Copy !req
108. Hello, I'm Dr Hibbert. I'm afraid
I'm going to have to amputate your butt.Copy !req
109. All right,
if you think you must.Copy !req
110. Come on, Milhouse.
We are going.Copy !req
111. - Oh, can't I come home later?
- There's not going to be a home later.Copy !req
112. Oh, okay. Ta-ta!
I'm off to the beauty salon!Copy !req
113. Good night. Thanks for coming.
We'll see you. Bye-bye.Copy !req
114. Well, I think that went pretty well.Copy !req
115. What?Copy !req
116. I feel terrible.
The Van Houtens split up at our party.Copy !req
117. Marge, please.
That was 20 minutes ago.Copy !req
118. I shouldn't have served
those North Korean fortune cookies.Copy !req
119. They were so insulting-
"You are a coward."Copy !req
120. No one likes to hear that
after a nice meal.Copy !req
121. You can't keep blaming yourself.
Just blame yourself once and move on.Copy !req
122. You know who the real victim
is in all this- Milhouse.Copy !req
123. Hey, Van Houten,
I heard your folks broke up.Copy !req
124. Aren't you gonna say "Ha-ha"?Copy !req
125. Oh, by no means. My dad left my mom
after she got hooked on cough drops.Copy !req
126. By the end,
her breath was so fresh...Copy !req
127. she wasn't really
my mother anymore.Copy !req
128. Oh. So I guess I'm not alone.Copy !req
129. Aw, you'll do fine. My divorce was
tough on my kid, but he got over it.Copy !req
130. I sleep in a drawer.Copy !req
131. I must say, Luann,
you're really handling this splendidly.Copy !req
132. From now on, forget everything you
thought you knew about Luann Van Houten.Copy !req
133. Actually, Luann, I don't really
know anything about you.Copy !req
134. Forget it! She's gone!
Presto change-o!Copy !req
135. Kaboom!
Sweet Fanny Adams! Bye-bye!Copy !req
136. Uh, singles life is great,
Homer. I can do whatever I want.Copy !req
137. - Today I drank a beer in the bathroom.
- The one down the hall?Copy !req
138. Yeah. And another great thing-
you get your own bed.Copy !req
139. Uh, I sleep in a racing car.
Do you?Copy !req
140. I sleep in a big bed with my wife.Copy !req
141. - Oh, yeah.Copy !req
142. - Hey, there, Kirk.
- Oh, boy! What's going on? Patio party?Copy !req
143. Nah. A possum drowned in the pool.
You have any garbage bags?Copy !req
144. Ah, just throw it over the fence.
Let Arby's worry about it.Copy !req
145. That's Jerry. He's a major player
down at the sewing store.Copy !req
146. Well, thanks for introducing me.Copy !req
147. Ah, don't worry, Homer.
You know me.Copy !req
148. And I'm a superstar
at the cracker factory.Copy !req
149. You're letting me go?Copy !req
150. Kirk, crackers are a family food.
Happy families.Copy !req
151. Maybe single people eat crackers.
We don't know.Copy !req
152. Frankly, we don't want to know.
It's a market we can do without.Copy !req
153. So that's it after 20 years-
so long, good luck?Copy !req
154. I don't recall saying "good luck."Copy !req
155. And the winner
of the Milhouse 500 is Milhouse!Copy !req
156. Milhouse, are you sure you
want to drive that inside?Copy !req
157. - Yes!
- Okay. Be careful, sweet, sweet treasure.Copy !req
158. God, I missed you, Lulu.Copy !req
159. Chase, it's only been three hours.Copy !req
160. - Who's Chase?
- Oh, that's Mom's new boyfriend.Copy !req
161. Hey, I know you from American Gladiators.
You're Pyro!Copy !req
162. Only on weekends.Copy !req
163. During the week,
I'm just your average workaday stuntman.Copy !req
164. - Really?
- Go ahead. Break a chair on me.Copy !req
165. - Wow! Thanks.
- Okay, boys, I gotta go. Come on, Lulu. Let's roll.Copy !req
166. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
167. Ow! What the hell
is wrong with you?Copy !req
168. Gee! Sorry! It's a pretty
standard stunt, Homer.Copy !req
169. - Homer, get ready!
- For what?Copy !req
170. Remember? Luann and Chase are
taking us out to hear Spalding Gray.Copy !req
171. - I don't want to go to that.
- You said you'd do it as a favor to me.Copy !req
172. - That doesn't sound like something I'd say.
- Fine. I'll go without you.Copy !req
173. - Okay. Love ya!Copy !req
174. Homer, I want you to meet
my new special lady. Say hello to Starla.Copy !req
175. Can I have the keys to the car, lover?
I feel like changing wigs.Copy !req
176. Oh, okay.Copy !req
177. Starla's a temp at KZUG, radio 530.Copy !req
178. She's gonna help me
launch my singing career.Copy !req
179. - My car!Copy !req
180. Oh, my demo tape!Copy !req
181. "Can I Borrow a Feeling?"Copy !req
182. "Can I Borrow a Feeling?"Copy !req
183. It's your picture on the front.Copy !req
184. - Go ahead, Homer. Laugh at me.
- I already did.Copy !req
185. You know why
all this happened, don't ya?Copy !req
186. 'Cause I took my marriage for granted.Copy !req
187. You know, in 12 years,
I never once helped out with the housework.Copy !req
188. Oh, yeah, you gotta do that.Copy !req
189. - I could have at least stayed in shape for her.
- Oh, and for yourself.Copy !req
190. I could have taken just a little time to-
to make her feel special.Copy !req
191. It can't just be sex.
It can't!Copy !req
192. God, I was so self-centered!
No wonder I didn't see it coming.Copy !req
193. That's how it is though. One day your wife
is making you your favorite meal...Copy !req
194. the next day, you're thawing a hot dog
in a gas station sink.Copy !req
195. Oh, that's tough, pal.
But it's never gonna happen to me.Copy !req
196. Well, how do you know?
What makes you guys so special?Copy !req
197. 'Cause Marge and I have one thing
that can never be broken-Copy !req
198. a strong marriage built on
a solid foundation of routine.Copy !req
199. Marge, I'm home!
Where are you?Copy !req
200. Are you okay?
I don't smell dinner.Copy !req
201. "Dear Homer." Ahh.Copy !req
202. "Sorry you didn't want to join me tonight.
I left you hot dogs for dinner.Copy !req
203. They're thawing in the sink."Copy !req
204. Hi, Dad.Copy !req
205. - You know, there's buns in the cabinet.
- Lisa, wait!Copy !req
206. I know you're only eight years old, and I
don't want to put a lot of pressure on you...Copy !req
207. but you've got to save my marriage!Copy !req
208. Oh, okay?
Can I stay up?Copy !req
209. All right.Copy !req
210. As you know, there's
been a lot of talk about divorce lately.Copy !req
211. And I think your mom
might not be happy with me.Copy !req
212. You've done a lot of crazy stuff
over the years and she's stood by you.Copy !req
213. - Why would she leave you now?
- Because there's lots of stuff
she doesn't know about!Copy !req
214. - You mean, like your poker shack
out in the swamp?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
215. - She knows.
- Oh, I knew this would happen.Copy !req
216. Our whole marriage started
off on the wrong foot.Copy !req
217. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in
the sight of God and this casino to join-Copy !req
218. - Homer.
- and-Copy !req
219. - Marge.
- in holy matrimony.Copy !req
220. By the power vested in me by the state gaming
commission, I pronounce you man and wife.Copy !req
221. Here's $10 worth of chips.Copy !req
222. You may kiss the bride.Copy !req
223. See? You don't have to spend a lot of money
to have a first-class wedding reception.Copy !req
224. It's getting less and less likely...Copy !req
225. you're going to yell "surprise"
and have all my friends jump out.Copy !req
226. Levis. Hey, you think that truck
is full of jeans?Copy !req
227. You're very lucky to have Mom.Copy !req
228. That's your advice?
Go to bed!Copy !req
229. - Good morning!Copy !req
230. You know, Marge, I was thinking about
how much I enjoy your interests.Copy !req
231. So I wandered over to that theater
you went to last night...Copy !req
232. and I bought tickets
to their entire season.Copy !req
233. Look, "Mostly Madrigal. '"
Uh, that might be good.Copy !req
234. Oh! Oh, "A n Evening with
Philip Glass. '"Just an evening?Copy !req
235. "Voices of the Elderly, '"
or- Hmm.Copy !req
236. Homie, I appreciate this.Copy !req
237. But I'd really like to
get some sleep.Copy !req
238. Oh, of course, my sweet. I'll just make
some soothing ocean sounds for you.Copy !req
239. - Huh?Copy !req
240. Arr, Matey!Copy !req
241. Armando, don't you think
you're taking a lot off-Copy !req
242. Homer, what are you doing?Copy !req
243. I wanted to surprise you
with a kicky summer do.Copy !req
244. How many husbands would
do that for their wives?Copy !req
245. None! They'd have more
sense than that!Copy !req
246. Oh, you're feisty.
I'm gonna give you a Madonna cut.Copy !req
247. Homer, I don't need you
around me 24 hours a day!Copy !req
248. I'm a grown woman!
I can take care of myself!Copy !req
249. Now, would you please just go away?Copy !req
250. Oh, I just made things worse.Copy !req
251. A few clumsy gestures aren't gonna
make up for 10 years of neglect.Copy !req
252. Marge deserves someone
who will treat her right.Copy !req
253. Marge deserves a fresh start.Copy !req
254. I'd like to file for... divorce.Copy !req
255. These things happen.
Eight dollars.Copy !req
256. Only three cavities, Bart.
Your best checkup ever.Copy !req
257. I'm going to make you my specialty-
butterscotch chicken.Copy !req
258. Marge, can you come in here?
We need to talk.Copy !req
259. Ooh.Copy !req
260. - Surprise!Copy !req
261. - Surprise.Copy !req
262. Marge, will you marry me?Copy !req
263. Why? Am I pregnant?Copy !req
264. No. It's a second wedding, honey.Copy !req
265. Our first one was so crummy,
I had to make it up to you. I really love you.Copy !req
266. Oh, Homie.
I know you love me.Copy !req
267. - We don't need to get married again.
- Yes, we do!Copy !req
268. - I got us a divorce this afternoon.
- What?Copy !req
269. I didn't want a hokey second
wedding like those ones on TV.Copy !req
270. This one is for real. I want our marriage
to be perfect right from the start...Copy !req
271. so we don't end up
like Kirk and Luann.Copy !req
272. We never will.Copy !req
273. - Dearly beloved-
- Wait! I want one last chance to enjoy single life.Copy !req
274. Okay, ready.Copy !req
275. I will now read the special vows
which Homer has prepared...Copy !req
276. for this occasion.Copy !req
277. "Do you, Marge, take Homer in richness
and in poorness-" Poorness" is underlined-Copy !req
278. "in impotence and in potence,
in quiet solitude...Copy !req
279. or blasting across the alkali flats
in a jet-powered, monkey navigated-"Copy !req
280. And it goes on like this.Copy !req
281. It doesn't matter.
All I want to know is...Copy !req
282. will you make me the luckiest guy
in the world again?Copy !req
283. I will.Copy !req
284. Oh, Homie,
of course I will.Copy !req
285. Come on, you stupid-There.Copy !req
286. By the power vested in me,
I now pronounce you husband and wife.Copy !req
287. It's the most perfect wedding
I could ever ask for.Copy !req
288. You've even got a hip
rock-and-roll combo.Copy !req
289. Okay, everybody, who likes The Doobie Brothers?
'Cause we got one of them.Copy !req
290. What a wonderful evening.Copy !req
291. A magical way for two people
to renew their love.Copy !req
292. Marge is right.Copy !req
293. - Uh, I've got something I'd like to say.Copy !req
294. Would you guys do a favor
for a guy in love?Copy !req
295. - Sure.
- Yeah.
- That's why we're here.Copy !req
296. Uh, hi, everybody. Uh, hi.Copy !req
297. - And... hit it!Copy !req
298. Hmm?Copy !req
299. How about it, Luann?
Will you marry me... again?Copy !req
300. - Ooh, no!
- Oh. Well, uh, can I have my shirts back at least?Copy !req
301. Okay, you heard the lady.
Why don't you take it outside, all right?Copy !req
302. Uh, I'll be back...Copy !req
303. pr-probably.Copy !req
304. - Shh!Copy !req