1. The Simpsons.Copy !req
2. They fight and fight.Copy !req
3. They fight and fight
and fight.Copy !req
4. Dad! V-chip! V-chip!Copy !req
5. Sorry, sorry. My fault.Copy !req
6. Scratchy show!Copy !req
7. We interrupt this cartoon
for a special report.Copy !req
8. Someone found my keys.Copy !req
9. Kent Brockman
at the action news desk.Copy !req
10. A massive tanker has
run agroundCopy !req
11. on the central coastlineCopy !req
12. spilling millions of gallons
of oil on Baby Seal Beach.Copy !req
13. Oh, no!Copy !req
14. It will be okay, honey.Copy !req
15. There's lots more oil
where that came from.Copy !req
16. Preliminary reports
indicatedCopy !req
17. the ship's captain
was drunk at the helm.Copy !req
18. Those reports
were later confirmed.Copy !req
19. Arr. I'm in a lot
of trouble now...Copy !req
20. Hey, I'll give you
a hundred bucksCopy !req
21. to take the blame.Copy !req
22. A clean-up effort
is already underwayCopy !req
23. and as always,
the first to pitch inCopy !req
24. are those unsung heroes.Copy !req
25. Hollywood movie stars.Copy !req
26. This isn't about publicity.Copy !req
27. This is about
cleaning off gunk.Copy !req
28. As a golden globe nominee,
I just think it's our dutyCopy !req
29. to make the real globe
a little more golden.Copy !req
30. We'd be doing our part
for the environment.Copy !req
31. Plus, we'd get to clean up
all those cute animals.Copy !req
32. Honey, we don't need
to drive 400 milesCopy !req
33. to clean animals.Copy !req
34. You can stay right here
and give the dog a bathCopy !req
35. or trim the cat's nails.Copy !req
36. Oh, Mom, please.Copy !req
37. You can make
this my birthdayCopy !req
38. and Christmas presents.Copy !req
39. You've already used up your
birthday and Christmas presentsCopy !req
40. on that peach tree
we got youCopy !req
41. and you hardly ever play
with that anymore.Copy !req
42. Yes, I do.
Sure, I do. Look.Copy !req
43. Here I am playing on
my peach tree, Mom.Copy !req
44. Oh, all right,
we'll go.Copy !req
45. Now, the cat needs
his medication every morning.Copy !req
46. No problem.
Can do.Copy !req
47. The furnace has been giving off
a lot of carbon monoxide...Copy !req
48. - Gotcha.
- So keep the window open.Copy !req
49. Cat in the furnace.Copy !req
50. Uh, you know,Copy !req
51. I think I'll take
Maggie with us.Copy !req
52. And if anything happens,
just use your best judgm...Copy !req
53. Just do what I would do.Copy !req
54. Woo-hoo!Copy !req
55. A whole week of just
father and son.Copy !req
56. See you at dinner.Copy !req
57. What time?Copy !req
58. You know...
I don't know.Copy !req
59. Shall we say 10:00?Copy !req
60. All right,
just wake me up.Copy !req
61. You know,
Bart, I saw this one.Copy !req
62. Live,
from the grand ballroomCopy !req
63. of the Hapsburg
imperial palaceCopy !req
64. it's the world series
of bumper cars.Copy !req
65. More food.Copy !req
66. Dad, do I have
to brush my teeth?Copy !req
67. No.Copy !req
68. But at least rinse
your mouth out with soda.Copy !req
69. I'm going to rescue
a baby sealCopy !req
70. and then I'm going
to save an otter.Copy !req
71. Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry,
but all the animalsCopy !req
72. have already been
reserved for celebrities.Copy !req
73. There. That's 104 pounds
of sandpipers.Copy !req
74. You mean there's
nothing left to clean?Copy !req
75. Well, there are rocks.Copy !req
76. Thousands and thousands
of rocks.Copy !req
77. I've got rocks
that need washing at home.Copy !req
78. Geez, look at this place.Copy !req
79. We got to do something.Copy !req
80. Hmm, garbage angels?Copy !req
81. Dad, I think I need
some fresh air.Copy !req
82. Can I go to the park?Copy !req
83. Do I have
to sit up?Copy !req
84. No.Copy !req
85. Knock yourself out.Copy !req
86. Milhouse,
this is boring.Copy !req
87. Make it crash
or something.Copy !req
88. Perfectly level flying
is the supreme challengeCopy !req
89. of the scale-model pilot.Copy !req
90. - Give me that.
- Hey!Copy !req
91. Ah! It's gaining on us!Copy !req
92. I'm pedaling backwards.Copy !req
93. Abandon ship!Copy !req
94. I don't like being
outdoors, Smithers.Copy !req
95. For one thing, there are
too many fat children.Copy !req
96. Thanks a lot.Copy !req
97. Now it's stuck
on that haunted house.Copy !req
98. I heard a witch
lives there.Copy !req
99. I heard a Frankenstein
lives there.Copy !req
100. You guys are way off.Copy !req
101. It's a secret lab where they
take the brains out of zombiesCopy !req
102. and put them in the heads
of other zombiesCopy !req
103. to create a race
of super-zombies.Copy !req
104. That's the house?Copy !req
105. Stand aside, wussies.Copy !req
106. Go away.Copy !req
107. No children.Copy !req
108. Enough talk.Copy !req
109. S-u-c-c-e-e-s, that's the way
you spell succ...Copy !req
110. No, no.Copy !req
111. H-help, h-help.Copy !req
112. I'm gonna die.Copy !req
113. Oh, no!
The witch has Bart!Copy !req
114. We've got to hurry.Copy !req
115. Just a minute.Copy !req
116. Hello?Copy !req
117. Your son was trespassing
on my propertyCopy !req
118. and destroyed a very valuable
stone gargoyle and...Copy !req
119. Are you wearing a grocery bag?Copy !req
120. I have misplaced
my pants.Copy !req
121. I'm not going
to press chargesCopy !req
122. but I assume you'll
wanna punish him.Copy !req
123. Yeah,Copy !req
124. appreciate the suggestion,
lady, but he hates that.Copy !req
125. And I got to live with him.Copy !req
126. You're the man, Homer.Copy !req
127. Well, if you won't
discipline him,Copy !req
128. I'll come back and
speak with his mother.Copy !req
129. No, wait, wait.Copy !req
130. Madam, I run a house
of discipline.Copy !req
131. The boy will be disciplined
and disciplined severely.Copy !req
132. Good day.Copy !req
133. Oh, I don't know how
to punish you.Copy !req
134. What does Marge
usually do?Copy !req
135. She makes me taste beer.Copy !req
136. Come on, boy.Copy !req
137. Give your old man
a little credit.Copy !req
138. Yeah, well, I still
get to punish you.Copy !req
139. Now, you're going to do
chores for that ladyCopy !req
140. until you work off
the damage you did.Copy !req
141. It's called
responsibility.Copy !req
142. Come on in, Bart.Copy !req
143. I can't believeCopy !req
144. I've got to spend
all my free timeCopy !req
145. dusting doilies in a smelly,
run-down dumpCopy !req
146. for a creepy old witch.Copy !req
147. Lady, I got to tell you...Copy !req
148. I have been grossly
misinformedCopy !req
149. about witches.Copy !req
150. Wow, man, what
is this place?Copy !req
151. I prefer not
to be called "Man."Copy !req
152. My name is BelleCopy !req
153. and this is
the Maison Derriere.Copy !req
154. That means the, uh,
"Back house."Copy !req
155. Are you having a party
or something?Copy !req
156. Nonstop.Copy !req
157. We're a burlesque house...Copy !req
158. A private club where gentlemen
can play some cardsCopy !req
159. and see a show.Copy !req
160. Miss Belle,Copy !req
161. we're about to do our
"Around the World" number,Copy !req
162. but Monte Carlo
can't find her dice.Copy !req
163. Here you go, darlin'.Copy !req
164. Normally, we don't allow
children in hereCopy !req
165. but your father
was so insistent.Copy !req
166. He's tough but fair.Copy !req
167. I'll start sorting these bras.Copy !req
168. That's a bit advanced
for you.Copy !req
169. But I know
a stopped-up sinkCopy !req
170. that needs
some attention.Copy !req
171. Just glad to be on the team.Copy !req
172. When you work the doorCopy !req
173. the main things are
to greet the visitorsCopy !req
174. and toss out
the troublemakers.Copy !req
175. Oh, the ol' greet 'n' toss.Copy !req
176. No problemo.Copy !req
177. How did I ever get along
without you?Copy !req
178. Oop.Copy !req
179. Is your name Bart?Copy !req
180. What the...Copy !req
181. Does your father know
you're working here?Copy !req
182. It was his idea.Copy !req
183. In that case
I'll have a whiskey sour.Copy !req
184. Oh, there's something
unsatisfyingCopy !req
185. about scrubbing
these rocksCopy !req
186. and I think I know
what it is.Copy !req
187. Lisa, I know
it's frustratingCopy !req
188. but we made a commitment
and we have to see it throughCopy !req
189. no matter how unpleasant.Copy !req
190. Quitting time. Okay.Copy !req
191. Scrub up and head
for the communal tarp.Copy !req
192. We're having
kelpburgersCopy !req
193. and we're going to watch
a tape of Johnny Arvik.Copy !req
194. He's the eskimo comedian.Copy !req
195. Faster, Mom, faster.Copy !req
196. Oh, that was
our emcee, Mel Zetz.Copy !req
197. He got out of bed too fast
and broke his hip.Copy !req
198. So who's going to warm up
the crowd tonight?Copy !req
199. Well, whoever fits
Mel's tuxedo.Copy !req
200. Eep!Copy !req
201. The jokes are in
the breast pocket.Copy !req
202. If you get in trouble,Copy !req
203. there's a switch
that makes the bow tie spin.Copy !req
204. "Heh, nudist colonies
are everywhere these days.Copy !req
205. "I'd love to go, but I...Copy !req
206. I can't get the wrinkles
out of my birthday suit."Copy !req
207. "But I got to tell you,Copy !req
208. "Adam and Eve must have been
the first bookkeepers.Copy !req
209. They invented
the loose leaf system."Copy !req
210. If there's
a bad bookkeeping jokeCopy !req
211. I haven't heard it.Copy !req
212. It's 11:00.Copy !req
213. Do you know
where your children are?Copy !req
214. I told you
last night, no!Copy !req
215. Where is Bart anyway?Copy !req
216. His dinner's getting
all cold and eaten.Copy !req
217. Bart, where are you?Copy !req
218. Come on!Copy !req
219. I have to be up at 6:00 a.m.
to swipe Flanders' newspaper.Copy !req
220. What the...Copy !req
221. "President Eisenhower
celebratesCopy !req
222. "40th wedding anniversary.Copy !req
223. Not pictured, Mrs. Eisenhower."Copy !req
224. I'm sorry.Copy !req
225. This is all my fault.Copy !req
226. Bart was filling in...Copy !req
227. I don't care if he
was filling for Mel Zetz.Copy !req
228. He's my son and I don't
want him working...Copy !req
229. so... late... that...Copy !req
230. Oh, I agree.Copy !req
231. Kids need rules
and boundaries.Copy !req
232. Yes, everyone
loves rules.Copy !req
233. It's so tough to be
a parent these daysCopy !req
234. what with all the gangs
and the drugs...Copy !req
235. Oh, yeah, drugs.
You gotta have drugs.Copy !req
236. Hey, he didn't pay the cover.Copy !req
237. Oh, Bart,
he's your father.Copy !req
238. We'll comp him
tonight.Copy !req
239. Start a tab
tomorrow.Copy !req
240. Oh, I hope I didn't miss
the floor show.Copy !req
241. - Nope.
- Is Roxanne back?Copy !req
242. Yup.Copy !req
243. Did she, uh,
get my flowers?Copy !req
244. - She did.
- I...Copy !req
245. Hello, Bart.Copy !req
246. Hello,
Principal Skinner.Copy !req
247. This is the National Air
and Space Museum, isn't it?Copy !req
248. Uh, this isn't going to be
about Jesus, is it?Copy !req
249. All things
are about Jesus, Homer.Copy !req
250. Except this.Copy !req
251. Your son has been working
in a burlesque house.Copy !req
252. Principal Skinner
saw him with his own eyes.Copy !req
253. That's true,
but I was only in thereCopy !req
254. to get directions on how
to get away from there.Copy !req
255. Helen,
as a responsible parentCopy !req
256. I was already
well aware of that.Copy !req
257. Homer, I'm as permissive
as the next parent.Copy !req
258. I mean, just yesterday
I let Todd buy some red hotsCopy !req
259. with a cartoon
devil on the boxCopy !req
260. but you can't possibly
think it's appropriateCopy !req
261. for your ten-year-old sonCopy !req
262. to work in
a burlesque house.Copy !req
263. Oh, no?
Well, if Homer SimpsonCopy !req
264. wants his ten-year-old son
working in a burlesque house,Copy !req
265. then Homer Simpson's
ten-year-old sonCopy !req
266. is going to work
in a burlesque house!Copy !req
267. That...Copy !req
268. Hi.Copy !req
269. Now, Marge, you're gonna hear
a lot of crazy talkCopy !req
270. about Bart working
in a burlesque house...Copy !req
271. "Maison Derriere"?Copy !req
272. I can't believe
there's a placeCopy !req
273. like that in our
wholesome little town.Copy !req
274. Homer, did you know it
was a burlesque houseCopy !req
275. when you sent Bart
to work there?Copy !req
276. No. I only learned that
four days ago.Copy !req
277. What were you thinking sending
Bart to such an awful place?Copy !req
278. I was trying to punish him
exactly like you would.Copy !req
279. So, in a wayCopy !req
280. you really dropped
the ball on this one.Copy !req
281. This is your messCopy !req
282. and I'll be damned
if I'm gonna clean it up.Copy !req
283. Please come in,
Mrs. Simpson.Copy !req
284. How can I be of service?Copy !req
285. I have a favor to ask.Copy !req
286. Please shut
this place downCopy !req
287. and move away
from Springfield.Copy !req
288. Oh, honey,
you can't be serious.Copy !req
289. Springfield doesn't
want places like this.Copy !req
290. I think I know what
Springfield wants, sugar.Copy !req
291. Oh? I've lived in this town
for 37 years.Copy !req
292. I've lived here 52 years.Copy !req
293. - I'm third generation.
- Sixth.Copy !req
294. Get out of my town!Copy !req
295. Listen, darling, we're just
as much a part of SpringfieldCopy !req
296. as the church, the library
or the crazy house,Copy !req
297. so I think I'll stay
right here... neighbor.Copy !req
298. Is that so?Copy !req
299. Well, sleazy entertainment
and raunchy jokesCopy !req
300. will never be as popular
as sobriety and self-denial.Copy !req
301. You're about to learnCopy !req
302. the two most
dangerous wordsCopy !req
303. in the English language
are "Marge Simpson."Copy !req
304. It's the light
pink '87 wagon.Copy !req
305. And after visiting
the area for, uh,Copy !req
306. the past two monthsCopy !req
307. I have determined it is
not feasible to constructCopy !req
308. a super-train between
Springfield and Aruba.Copy !req
309. Next on the agenda is, uh...Copy !req
310. The Citizens' Committee
on Moral Hygiene.Copy !req
311. I'm here to share
my moral outrageCopy !req
312. but this time it's not aboutCopy !req
313. that giant inflatable
Dos Equis bottle.Copy !req
314. It's about a certain house
in our town.Copy !req
315. What's wrong with this house?
Is it the plumbing?Copy !req
316. No. It's a house of ill fame,
a house of loose ethics.Copy !req
317. Is there a building code
violation?Copy !req
318. A drainage issue?Copy !req
319. A surveying error?Copy !req
320. The house is perfectly fine.Copy !req
321. Well, then quit bad-mouthing
the house.Copy !req
322. Yeah. Leave
the house alone.Copy !req
323. Oh, geez, it's what's inside
the house that's disgraceful...Copy !req
324. Drinking, gambling
and debauchery.Copy !req
325. It's right under our noses...
A secret houseCopy !req
326. of burlesque.Copy !req
327. - Oh, my.
- That's right.Copy !req
328. That's not good.Copy !req
329. People, this is an issue
that we as a townCopy !req
330. are strong enough to ignore.Copy !req
331. Let us give no more scrutiny
to this bawdy houseCopy !req
332. and its small clientele
of loyal perverts.Copy !req
333. Oh, I'm afraid
this problemCopy !req
334. goes far beyond
Eugene and Rusty.Copy !req
335. Marge, if you please.Copy !req
336. Julius!Copy !req
337. Clancy!Copy !req
338. Skinner?Copy !req
339. - Seymour!
- Mother...Copy !req
340. Patty?Copy !req
341. Cletus!Copy !req
342. Oh. Uh, Barney.Copy !req
343. Clancy!Copy !req
344. Hey, come on!
You did me twice!Copy !req
345. Smithers?Copy !req
346. My parents insisted
I give it a try, sir.Copy !req
347. Mayor Quimby!Copy !req
348. Uh, well, that could be
any mayor.Copy !req
349. I rest my case.Copy !req
350. Er, uh, well...
In light of these new facts,Copy !req
351. of which I now realize
I was largely aware,Copy !req
352. I must take action.Copy !req
353. All in favor of demolishing
our beloved burlesque houseCopy !req
354. raise your hands.Copy !req
355. Are they talking
about the bordello?Copy !req
356. No, the burlesque house,
so just keep your mouth shut.Copy !req
357. Oh, there's no justice
like angry-mob justice.Copy !req
358. I'm going to burn
all the historic memorabilias.Copy !req
359. I'm going to take
me home a toilet.Copy !req
360. Well, there'd
better be two.Copy !req
361. Who is it?Copy !req
362. Uh, it's an angry mob,
ma'am.Copy !req
363. Could you step outside
for a twinkleCopy !req
364. while we knock down
your house?Copy !req
365. Just a minute.Copy !req
366. Stand aside, you degenerate,
two-bit proprietress.Copy !req
367. Don't you call me that.
I'm an entrepreneuse.Copy !req
368. Oh, shut up. You're wasting
valuable smashing time.Copy !req
369. Dad, we can't let
this happen to Belle.Copy !req
370. Do something.Copy !req
371. Don't you worry, son.Copy !req
372. My friends!Copy !req
373. Stop!Copy !req
374. Please hurry.Copy !req
375. Sure. We could tear
this house down...Copy !req
376. Yeah! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
377. No! My friends, stop!Copy !req
378. Let me finish.Copy !req
379. We could tear it downCopy !req
380. but we'd be tearing down
a part of ourselves.Copy !req
381. You could
close down Moe's.Copy !req
382. Or the Kwik-E-Mart.Copy !req
383. And nobody would care.Copy !req
384. But the heart and soul
of Springfield's in.Copy !req
385. Our Maison Derriere...Copy !req
386. We're the sauce
on your steak.Copy !req
387. We're the cheese
in your cake.Copy !req
388. We put the "Spring"
in Springfield.Copy !req
389. We're the lace
on the nightgown.Copy !req
390. The point
after touchdown.Copy !req
391. Yes, we put the "Spring"
in Springfield.Copy !req
392. We're that little
extra spice.Copy !req
393. That makes existence
extra nice.Copy !req
394. A giddy little thrill
at a reasonable price.Copy !req
395. Our only
major quarrel's.Copy !req
396. With your total
lack of morals.Copy !req
397. Our skimpy costumes
ain't so bad.Copy !req
398. They seem
to entertain your dad.Copy !req
399. The gin in your martini.Copy !req
400. The clams
on your linguine.Copy !req
401. Yes, we keep the...Copy !req
402. In Springfield.Copy !req
403. We remember
our first visit.Copy !req
404. The service
was exquisite.Copy !req
405. Why, Joseph
I had no idea.Copy !req
406. Come on, now,
you were working here.Copy !req
407. Without it
we'd have had no fun.Copy !req
408. Since March of 1961.Copy !req
409. To shut them down now
would be twisted.Copy !req
410. We just heard
this place existed...Copy !req
411. We're the highlights
in your hairdo.Copy !req
412. The extra arms
on Vishnu.Copy !req
413. So don't take the...Copy !req
414. We won't take the...Copy !req
415. Yes, let's keep the...Copy !req
416. in Springfield.Copy !req
417. Well, I'm convinced.Copy !req
418. The house stays.Copy !req
419. This house is a very,
very, very fine house.Copy !req
420. Here I come, everybody!Copy !req
421. No! No!Copy !req
422. Stop! Stop!Copy !req
423. What are you
doing, Marge?Copy !req
424. Didn't you
hear the song?Copy !req
425. No. I had to go rent
the bulldozer.Copy !req
426. Well, we all
changed our minds.Copy !req
427. Yeah. Now we
love the house.Copy !req
428. What about the sleaze
and the depravity?Copy !req
429. It was a very
convincing song, Marge.Copy !req
430. Mm-hmm. There were
kicks and everything.Copy !req
431. Hmm... Can you sing it again?Copy !req
432. I'm sorry.Copy !req
433. It really was one of those
spur-of-the-moment-type things.Copy !req
434. Well, I also have
a song to sing.Copy !req
435. Don't make up your mind
until you hear both songs.Copy !req
436. Morals and ethics.Copy !req
437. And carnal
forbearance...Copy !req
438. Uh... sorry.Copy !req
439. Thanks a lot, Marge.Copy !req
440. That was our only
burlesque house.Copy !req
441. I do love it
when you drop by, Marge.Copy !req
442. Next time, why don't we
get together at your house.Copy !req
443. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
444. How can we ever
make this up to you?Copy !req
445. Oh, there's a way, Mom.Copy !req
446. So, Twiggy, I hear you
and your husband WoodyCopy !req
447. just had a baby.Copy !req
448. What did you name him?Copy !req
449. Chip.Copy !req
450. Take it off!Copy !req
451. All right, Dad, you've
been warned. Let's go.Copy !req
452. Hey...Copy !req
453. - Come on.
- Easy.Copy !req
454. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.Copy !req