1. D'oh!Copy !req
2. Dad! V-chip! V-chip!Copy !req
3. Sorry, sorry. My fault.Copy !req
4. We interrupt this cartoon
for a special report.Copy !req
5. Someone found my keys.Copy !req
6. Kent Brockman
at the action news desk.Copy !req
7. A massive tanker has
run agroundCopy !req
8. on the central coastlineCopy !req
9. spilling millions of gallons
of oil on Baby Seal Beach.Copy !req
10. Oh, no!Copy !req
11. It will be okay, honey.Copy !req
12. There's lots more oil
where that came from.Copy !req
13. Preliminary reports
indicatedCopy !req
14. the ship's captain
was drunk at the helm.Copy !req
15. Those reports
were later confirmed.Copy !req
16. Arr. I'm in a lot
of trouble now...Copy !req
17. Hey, I'll give you
a hundred bucksCopy !req
18. to take the blame.Copy !req
19. A clean-up effort
is already underwayCopy !req
20. and as always,
the first to pitch inCopy !req
21. are those unsung heroesCopy !req
22. Hollywood movie stars.Copy !req
23. This isn't about publicity.Copy !req
24. This is about
cleaning off gunk.Copy !req
25. As a golden globe nominee,
I just think it's our dutyCopy !req
26. to make the real globe
a little more golden.Copy !req
27. We'd be doing our part
for the environment.Copy !req
28. Plus, we'd get to clean up
all those cute animals.Copy !req
29. Honey, we don't need
to drive 400 milesCopy !req
30. to clean animals.Copy !req
31. You can stay right here
and give the dog a bathCopy !req
32. or trim the cat's nails.Copy !req
33. Oh, Mom, please.Copy !req
34. You can make
this my birthdayCopy !req
35. and Christmas presents.Copy !req
36. You've already used up your
birthday and Christmas presentsCopy !req
37. on that peach tree
we got youCopy !req
38. and you hardly ever play
with that anymore.Copy !req
39. Yes, I do.
Sure, I do. Look.Copy !req
40. Oh, all right,
we'll go.Copy !req
41. Now, the cat needs
his medication every morning.Copy !req
42. No problem.
Can do.Copy !req
43. The furnace has been giving off
a lot of carbon monoxide...Copy !req
44. - Gotcha.
- So keep the window open.Copy !req
45. Cat in the furnace.Copy !req
46. Uh, you know,Copy !req
47. I think I'll take
Maggie with us.Copy !req
48. And if anything happens,
just use your best judgm—Copy !req
49. Mmm...Copy !req
50. Just do what I would do.Copy !req
51. Woo-hoo!Copy !req
52. A whole week of just
father and son.Copy !req
53. See you at dinner.Copy !req
54. What time?Copy !req
55. You know...
I don't know.Copy !req
56. Shall we say 10:00?Copy !req
57. All right,
just wake me up.Copy !req
58. You know,
Bart, I saw this one.Copy !req
59. Live,
from the grand ballroomCopy !req
60. of the Hapsburg
imperial palaceCopy !req
61. it's the world series
of bumper cars.Copy !req
62. More food.Copy !req
63. Dad, do I have
to brush my teeth?Copy !req
64. No.Copy !req
65. But at least rinse
your mouth out with soda.Copy !req
66. I'm going to rescue
a baby sealCopy !req
67. and then I'm going
to save an otter.Copy !req
68. Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry,
but all the animalsCopy !req
69. have already been
reserved for celebrities.Copy !req
70. There. That's 104 pounds
of sandpipers.Copy !req
71. You mean there's
nothing left to clean?Copy !req
72. Well, there are rocks.Copy !req
73. Thousands and thousands
of rocks.Copy !req
74. I've got rocks
that need washing at home.Copy !req
75. Geez, look at this place.Copy !req
76. We got to do something.Copy !req
77. Hmm, garbage angels?Copy !req
78. Dad, I think I need
some fresh air.Copy !req
79. Can I go to the park?Copy !req
80. Do I have
to sit up?Copy !req
81. No.Copy !req
82. Knock yourself out.Copy !req
83. Milhouse,
this is boring.Copy !req
84. Make it crash
or something.Copy !req
85. Perfectly level flying
is the supreme challengeCopy !req
86. of the scale-model pilot.Copy !req
87. - Give me that.
- Hey!Copy !req
88. Ah! It's gaining on us!Copy !req
89. I'm pedaling backwards.Copy !req
90. Abandon ship!Copy !req
91. I don't like being
outdoors, Smithers.Copy !req
92. For one thing, there are
too many fat children.Copy !req
93. Thanks a lot.Copy !req
94. Now it's stuck
on that haunted house.Copy !req
95. I heard a witch
lives there.Copy !req
96. I heard a Frankenstein
lives there.Copy !req
97. You guys are way off.Copy !req
98. It's a secret lab where they
take the brains out of zombiesCopy !req
99. and put them in the heads
of other zombiesCopy !req
100. to create a race
of super-zombies.Copy !req
101. That's the house?Copy !req
102. (blows raspberry)
Stand aside, wussies.Copy !req
103. Go away.Copy !req
104. No children.Copy !req
105. Enough talk.Copy !req
106. S-u-c-c-e-e-s, that's the way
you spell succ—Copy !req
107. (laughing)
No, no.Copy !req
108. H-help, h-help.Copy !req
109. I'm gonna die.Copy !req
110. Oh, no!
The witch has Bart!Copy !req
111. We've got to hurry.Copy !req
112. Just a minute.Copy !req
113. Hello?Copy !req
114. Your son was trespassing
on my propertyCopy !req
115. and destroyed a very valuable
stone gargoyle and—Copy !req
116. Are you wearing a grocery bag?Copy !req
117. I have misplaced
my pants.Copy !req
118. I'm not going
to press chargesCopy !req
119. but I assume you'll
wanna punish him.Copy !req
120. (laughing) Yeah,Copy !req
121. appreciate the suggestion,
lady, but he hates that.Copy !req
122. And I got to live with him.Copy !req
123. You're the man, Homer.Copy !req
124. Well, if you won't
discipline him,Copy !req
125. I'll come back and
speak with his mother.Copy !req
126. No, wait, wait.Copy !req
127. Madam, I run a house
of discipline.Copy !req
128. The boy will be disciplined
and disciplined severely.Copy !req
129. Good day.Copy !req
130. Oh, I don't know how
to punish you.Copy !req
131. What does Marge
usually do?Copy !req
132. She makes me taste beer.Copy !req
133. Come on, boy.Copy !req
134. Give your old man
a little credit.Copy !req
135. Yeah, well, I still
get to punish you.Copy !req
136. Now, you're going to do
chores for that ladyCopy !req
137. until you work off
the damage you did.Copy !req
138. It's called
responsibility.Copy !req
139. Come on in, Bart.Copy !req
140. I can't believeCopy !req
141. I've got to spend
all my free timeCopy !req
142. dusting doilies in a smelly,
run-down dumpCopy !req
143. for a creepy old witch.Copy !req
144. Lady, I got to tell you—Copy !req
145. I have been grossly
misinformedCopy !req
146. about witches.Copy !req
147. Wow, man, what
is this place?Copy !req
148. I prefer not
to be called "Man."Copy !req
149. My name is BelleCopy !req
150. and this is
the Maison Derriere.Copy !req
151. That means the, uh,
"Back house."Copy !req
152. Are you having a party
or something?Copy !req
153. Nonstop.Copy !req
154. We're a burlesque house—Copy !req
155. A private club where gentlemen
can play some cardsCopy !req
156. and see a show.Copy !req
157. Miss Belle,Copy !req
158. we're about to do our
"Around the World" number,Copy !req
159. but Monte Carlo
can't find her dice.Copy !req
160. Here you go, darlin'.Copy !req
161. Normally, we don't allow
children in hereCopy !req
162. but your father
was so insistent.Copy !req
163. He's tough but fair.Copy !req
164. I'll start sorting these bras.Copy !req
165. That's a bit advanced
for you.Copy !req
166. But I know
a stopped-up sinkCopy !req
167. that needs
some attention.Copy !req
168. Just glad to be on the team.Copy !req
169. When you work the doorCopy !req
170. the main things are
to greet the visitorsCopy !req
171. and toss out
the troublemakers.Copy !req
172. Oh, the ol' greet 'n' toss.Copy !req
173. No problemo.Copy !req
174. How did I ever get along
without you?Copy !req
175. Oop.Copy !req
176. Is your name Bart?Copy !req
177. - Mm-hmm.
- What the—Copy !req
178. Does your father know
you're working here?Copy !req
179. It was his idea.Copy !req
180. In that case
I'll have a whiskey sour.Copy !req
181. Oh, there's something
unsatisfyingCopy !req
182. about scrubbing
these rocksCopy !req
183. and I think I know
what it is.Copy !req
184. Lisa, I know
it's frustratingCopy !req
185. but we made a commitment
and we have to see it throughCopy !req
186. no matter how unpleasant.Copy !req
187. Quitting time. Okay.Copy !req
188. Scrub up and head
for the communal tarp.Copy !req
189. We're having
kelpburgersCopy !req
190. and we're going to watch
a tape of Johnny Arvik.Copy !req
191. He's the eskimo comedian.Copy !req
192. Faster, Mom, faster.Copy !req
193. Oh, that was
our emcee, Mel Zetz.Copy !req
194. He got out of bed too fast
and broke his hip.Copy !req
195. So who's going to warm up
the crowd tonight?Copy !req
196. Well, whoever fits
Mel's tuxedo.Copy !req
197. Eep!Copy !req
198. The jokes are in
the breast pocket.Copy !req
199. If you get in trouble,Copy !req
200. there's a switch
that makes the bow tie spin.Copy !req
201. "Heh, nudist colonies
are everywhere these days.Copy !req
202. "I'd love to go, but I—Copy !req
203. I can't get the wrinkles
out of my birthday suit."Copy !req
204. "But I got to tell you,Copy !req
205. "Adam and Eve must have been
the first bookkeepers.Copy !req
206. They invented
the loose leaf system."Copy !req
207. If there's
a bad bookkeeping jokeCopy !req
208. I haven't heard it.Copy !req
209. It's 11:00.Copy !req
210. Do you know
where your children are?Copy !req
211. I told you
last night, no!Copy !req
212. Where is Bart anyway?Copy !req
213. His dinner's getting
all cold and eaten.Copy !req
214. Bart, where are you?Copy !req
215. Come on!Copy !req
216. I have to be up at 6:00 a.m.
to swipe Flanders' newspaper.Copy !req
217. What the—Copy !req
218. "President Eisenhower
celebratesCopy !req
219. "40th wedding anniversary.Copy !req
220. Not pictured, Mrs. Eisenhower."Copy !req
221. I'm sorry.Copy !req
222. This is all my fault.Copy !req
223. Bart was filling in—Copy !req
224. I don't care if he
was filling for Mel Zetz.Copy !req
225. He's my son and I don't
want him working...Copy !req
226. so... late... that...Copy !req
227. Oh, I agree.Copy !req
228. Kids need rules
and boundaries.Copy !req
229. Yes, everyone
loves rules.Copy !req
230. It's so tough to be
a parent these daysCopy !req
231. what with all the gangs
and the drugs...Copy !req
232. Oh, yeah, drugs.
You gotta have drugs.Copy !req
233. Hey, he didn't pay the cover.Copy !req
234. Oh, Bart,
he's your father.Copy !req
235. We'll comp him
tonight.Copy !req
236. Start a tab
tomorrow.Copy !req
237. Oh, I hope I didn't miss
the floor show.Copy !req
238. - Nope.
- Is Roxanne back?Copy !req
239. Yup.Copy !req
240. Did she, uh,
get my flowers?Copy !req
241. - She did.
- I—Copy !req
242. Hello, Bart.Copy !req
243. Hello,
Principal Skinner.Copy !req
244. This is the National Air
and Space Museum, isn't it?Copy !req
245. Uh, this isn't going to be
about Jesus, is it?Copy !req
246. All things
are about Jesus, Homer.Copy !req
247. Except this.Copy !req
248. Your son has been working
in a burlesque house.Copy !req
249. Principal Skinner
saw him with his own eyes.Copy !req
250. That's true,
but I was only in thereCopy !req
251. to get directions on how
to get away from there.Copy !req
252. Helen,
as a responsible parentCopy !req
253. I was already
well aware of that.Copy !req
254. Homer, I'm as permissive
as the next parent.Copy !req
255. I mean, just yesterday
I let Todd buy some red hotsCopy !req
256. with a cartoon
devil on the boxCopy !req
257. but you can't possibly
think it's appropriateCopy !req
258. for your ten-year-old sonCopy !req
259. to work in
a burlesque house.Copy !req
260. Oh, no?
Well, if Homer SimpsonCopy !req
261. wants his ten-year-old son
working in a burlesque house,Copy !req
262. then Homer Simpson's
ten-year-old sonCopy !req
263. is going to work
in a burlesque house!Copy !req
264. That...Copy !req
265. Hi.Copy !req
266. Now, Marge, you're gonna hear
a lot of crazy talkCopy !req
267. about Bart working
in a burlesque house...Copy !req
268. "Maison Derriere"?Copy !req
269. I can't believe
there's a placeCopy !req
270. like that in our
wholesome little town.Copy !req
271. Homer, did you know it
was a burlesque houseCopy !req
272. when you sent Bart
to work there?Copy !req
273. No. I only learned that
four days ago.Copy !req
274. What were you thinking sending
Bart to such an awful place?Copy !req
275. I was trying to punish him
exactly like you would.Copy !req
276. So, in a wayCopy !req
277. you really dropped
the ball on this one.Copy !req
278. This is your messCopy !req
279. and I'll be damned
if I'm gonna clean it up.Copy !req
280. Please come in,
Mrs. Simpson.Copy !req
281. How can I be of service?Copy !req
282. I have a favor to ask.Copy !req
283. Please shut
this place downCopy !req
284. and move away
from Springfield.Copy !req
285. Oh, honey,
you can't be serious.Copy !req
286. Springfield doesn't
want places like this.Copy !req
287. I think I know what
Springfield wants, sugar.Copy !req
288. Oh? I've lived in this town
for 37 years.Copy !req
289. I've lived here 52 years.Copy !req
290. - I'm third generation.
- Sixth.Copy !req
291. Get out of my town!Copy !req
292. Listen, darling, we're just
as much a part of SpringfieldCopy !req
293. as the church, the library
or the crazy house,Copy !req
294. so I think I'll stay
right here... neighbor.Copy !req
295. Is that so?Copy !req
296. Well, sleazy entertainment
and raunchy jokesCopy !req
297. will never be as popular
as sobriety and self-denial.Copy !req
298. You're about to learnCopy !req
299. the two most
dangerous wordsCopy !req
300. in the English language
are "Marge Simpson."Copy !req
301. It's the light
pink '87 wagon.Copy !req
302. And after visiting
the area for, uh,Copy !req
303. the past two monthsCopy !req
304. I have determined it is
not feasible to constructCopy !req
305. a super-train between
Springfield and Aruba.Copy !req
306. Next on the agenda is, uh...Copy !req
307. The Citizens' Committee
on Moral Hygiene.Copy !req
308. I'm here to share
my moral outrageCopy !req
309. but this time it's not aboutCopy !req
310. that giant inflatable
Dos Equis bottle.Copy !req
311. It's about a certain house
in our town.Copy !req
312. What's wrong with this house?
Is it the plumbing?Copy !req
313. No. It's a house of ill fame,
a house of loose ethics.Copy !req
314. Is there a building code
violation?Copy !req
315. A drainage issue?Copy !req
316. A surveying error?Copy !req
317. The house is perfectly fine.Copy !req
318. Well, then quit bad-mouthing
the house.Copy !req
319. Yeah. Leave
the house alone.Copy !req
320. Oh, geez, it's what's inside
the house that's disgraceful—Copy !req
321. Drinking, gambling
and debauchery.Copy !req
322. It's right under our noses—
A secret houseCopy !req
323. of burlesque.Copy !req
324. - Oh, my.
That's right.Copy !req
325. That's not good.Copy !req
326. People, this is an issue
that we as a townCopy !req
327. are strong enough to ignore.Copy !req
328. Let us give no more scrutiny
to this bawdy houseCopy !req
329. and its small clientele
of loyal perverts.Copy !req
330. Oh, I'm afraid
this problemCopy !req
331. goes far beyond
Eugene and Rusty.Copy !req
332. Marge, if you please.Copy !req
333. Julius!Copy !req
334. Clancy!Copy !req
335. Skinner?Copy !req
336. - Seymour!
- Mother...Copy !req
337. Patty?Copy !req
338. Cletus!Copy !req
339. Oh. Uh, Barney.Copy !req
340. Clancy!Copy !req
341. Hey, come on!
You did me twice!Copy !req
342. Smithers?Copy !req
343. My parents insisted
I give it a try, sir.Copy !req
344. Mayor Quimby!Copy !req
345. Uh, well, that could be
any mayor.Copy !req
346. I rest my case.Copy !req
347. Er, uh, well...
In light of these new facts,Copy !req
348. of which I now realize
I was largely aware,Copy !req
349. I must take action.Copy !req
350. All in favor of demolishing
our beloved burlesque houseCopy !req
351. raise your hands.Copy !req
352. Are they talking
about the bordello?Copy !req
353. No, the burlesque house,
so just keep your mouth shut.Copy !req
354. Oh, there's no justice
like angry-mob justice.Copy !req
355. I'm going to burn
all the historic memorabilias.Copy !req
356. I'm going to take
me home a toilet.Copy !req
357. Well, there'd
better be two.Copy !req
358. Who is it?Copy !req
359. Uh, it's an angry mob,
ma'am.Copy !req
360. Could you step outside
for a twinkleCopy !req
361. while we knock down
your house?Copy !req
362. Just a minute.Copy !req
363. Stand aside, you degenerate,
two-bit proprietress.Copy !req
364. Don't you call me that.
I'm an entrepreneuse.Copy !req
365. Oh, shut up. You're wasting
valuable smashing time.Copy !req
366. Dad, we can't let
this happen to Belle.Copy !req
367. Do something.Copy !req
368. Don't you worry, son.Copy !req
369. My friends!Copy !req
370. Stop!Copy !req
371. Please hurry.Copy !req
372. Sure. We could tear
this house down—Copy !req
373. - (yelling)
- Yeah! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
374. No! My friends, stop!Copy !req
375. Let me finish.Copy !req
376. We could tear it downCopy !req
377. but we'd be tearing down
a part of ourselves.Copy !req
378. Well, I'm convinced.Copy !req
379. The house stays.Copy !req
380. This house is a very,
very, very fine house.Copy !req
381. Here I come, everybody!Copy !req
382. No! No!Copy !req
383. Stop! Stop!Copy !req
384. What are you
doing, Marge?Copy !req
385. Didn't you
hear the song?Copy !req
386. No. I had to go rent
the bulldozer.Copy !req
387. Well, we all
changed our minds.Copy !req
388. Yeah. Now we
love the house.Copy !req
389. What about the sleaze
and the depravity?Copy !req
390. It was a very
convincing song, Marge.Copy !req
391. Mm-hmm. There were
kicks and everything.Copy !req
392. Hmm... Can you sing it again?Copy !req
393. I'm sorry.Copy !req
394. It really was one of those
spur-of-the-moment-type things.Copy !req
395. Well, I also have
a song to sing.Copy !req
396. Don't make up your mind
until you hear both songs.Copy !req
397. Uh... sorry.Copy !req
398. Thanks a lot, Marge.Copy !req
399. That was our only
burlesque house.Copy !req
400. I do love it
when you drop by, Marge.Copy !req
401. Next time, why don't we
get together at your house.Copy !req
402. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
403. How can we ever
make this up to you?Copy !req
404. Oh, there's a way, Mom.Copy !req
405. So, Twiggy, I hear you
and your husband WoodyCopy !req
406. just had a baby.Copy !req
407. What did you name him?Copy !req
408. Chip.Copy !req
409. Take it off!Copy !req
410. All right, Dad, you've
been warned. Let's go.Copy !req
411. Hey...Copy !req
412. - Come on.
- Easy.Copy !req
413. Shh!Copy !req
414. CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.Copy !req