The Simpsons 8x19

Directed by Susie Dietter

Tress MacNeille as Angela Dare / Gwen the waitress / Homer's cousin's wife (voice) • Marcia Wallace as Edna Krabappel (voice) / Ms. Melon (voice) • Tress MacNeille as Angela Dare / Gwen / Homer's Cousin's Wife (voice) • Maggie Roswell as Rod Flanders (voice) • Marcia Wallace as Edna Krabappel (voice) • Maggie Roswell as Maude Flanders (voice) • Pamela Hayden as Milhouse (voice) • Russi Taylor as Martin Prince / Sherri / Terri (voice)

Bart discovers Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel kissing, and it's not long before the whole town knows of their secret affair.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. D'oh!

2. - Ahh! - (tires screech)

3. And finally,

4. the bake sale to raise money for the car wash

5. has been canceled due to confusion.

6. Well, that concludes this morning's announcements.

7. I'm Seymour Skinner, and stand by to resume learning

8. in five, four, three...

9. Oh! It's hard enough to keep the kids awake

10. without you, Seymour.

11. Mrs. Krabappel,

12. I also have an announcement to make.

13. Can't it wait till I retire?

14. I want one and all to join me in celebrating

15. the anniversary of my portentous birth.

16. Here you are, Nelson.

17. A birthday party?

18. Here you are, Nelson.

19. Here you are, Nelson.

20. I said... (blows raspberry)

21. All right, men.

22. Get ready to blast off.

23. Whoo!

24. We're in orbit now.

25. What's that? A call from the president?

26. Hello?

27. (imitating Nixon): Ah, yes.

28. Let me just say this about that.

29. Okay, Mr. President.

30. Bart, this is boring.

31. I guess we could go to Martin's party.

32. I don't know.

33. If we're seen there, it'll definitely take

34. our social standing down a notch.

35. We're at what now? Three?

36. Three and a half.

37. We get beat up, but we get an explanation.

38. (continues imitating Nixon) Beautiful colors. Never has—

39. Mayday! Mayday!

40. Hmm.

41. Bart!

42. Uh, Mrs. K. Hey, it's Saturday.

43. Your powers are useless against me.

44. Relax. I'm just here to have fun like everybody else.

45. Don't think of me as a teacher.

46. Okay.

47. So...

48. Mm-hmm.

49. Excuse me.

50. (crying) Mama!

51. Hey, Houdini, why don't you saw Martin in half?

52. Oh, I'm not the kind of magician who does tricks.

53. I'm a math-e-magician.

54. Oh, man.

55. Now, prepare to marvel at the mysteries of the universe

56. as I make this remainder disappear.

57. But seven goes into 28 four times.

58. Uh— this is a magic seven!

59. Edna!

60. Seymour.

61. Mind if I sit down?

62. Hmph! It's a free country.

63. I... I don't follow you.

64. Oh, just sit down, Seymour.

65. It might be nice to talk to a grownup for a change.

66. Well, this party is certainly a break in my routine.

67. You know, normally I spend my Saturdays

68. carefully laying out my clothes for the following week.

69. Then I stroll down to the car wash to see if Gus is there.

70. Oh, yeah. You've got to keep busy.

71. I collect matchbooks from glamorous nightclubs.

72. It's amazing.

73. It you just write to them and ask them nicely...

74. Is this...

75. How you imagined your life, Edna?

76. Well, yes, but then, I was a very depressed child.

77. To poor decisions.

78. Hear, hear.

79. Seymour! I told you

80. not to play in the neighbor's yard.

81. It's a party, Mother.

82. I was invited.

83. Well...

84. Then I must've been invited, too.

85. Help me, Edna.

86. I know where we can hole up for a while.

87. That's it. Looking good.

88. Getting warm.

89. Uh... I feel queasy.

90. Don't stop, Milhouse.

91. You're so close.

92. I got to barf.

93. Where's the bathroom?

94. Oh, my tummy!

95. I told you we should've served cake instead of oysters.

96. I'm ruined!

97. Ha-ha!

98. Bart, how come you're not sick?

99. Eh! I gave my oysters to the cat.

100. Hey, why'd you eat them?

101. I thought you were a vegetarian.

102. I didn't. I just wanted to leave.

103. More tea, Edna?

104. What kind of little boy has a tea set?

105. Hmm! I think we both know the answer to that.

106. A lucky boy.

107. You know, Seymour,

108. there's an innocence about you that can be quite charming.

109. Oh! Well, I've always admired your tart honesty

110. and ability to be personally offended by broad social trends.

111. Oh, really?

112. Mm-hmm. Very much.

113. And your laugh.

114. You mean, "Ha"?

115. Mm-hmm. That's the one that makes me feel...

116. Oh, boy. (clears throat)

117. You have a breath mint I could borrow?

118. I've got some menthol cigarettes.

119. Oh, the heck with it.

120. You are never going to guess what I saw at Martin's party

121. after you guys left.

122. You know that playhouse? Well, I—

123. - Good gravy! - Oh, thank you.

124. It's just brown and water.

125. So I looked in the window and there it was.

126. The grossest sight I have ever...

127. Bart Simpson, report to

128. the principal's office immediately.

129. Now, Bart... son...

130. I don't know what you think you saw

131. but, let me assure you...

132. What Seymour... Oh...

133. What Principal Skinner means to say, Bart,

134. is that sometimes a little boy's imagination

135. can run away with him.

136. That's the best you can do?

137. You could have at least said you were giving her C.P.R.

138. or rehearsing a play.

139. Is it too late to say that?

140. Mm-hmm.

141. We're just a little concerned.

142. If people were to find out

143. the principal was dating a teacher,

144. they might see it as a conflict of interest.

145. And... There are those

146. who might try to use it against us

147. for their own advantage.

148. Like me, for one.

149. Like you, for...

150. Bart, if life has taught me one lesson repeatedly,

151. it's to know when I'm beaten.

152. Let's talk deal.

153. As you know, Bart,

154. your permanent record will one day disqualify you

155. from all but the hottest and noisiest jobs.

156. What do you say, son?

157. You keep our secret,

158. and some other student can inherit your gloomy

159. windblown future.

160. Deal.

161. This is a great day for forbidden love.

162. Mmm. This dessert is exquisite.

163. What do you call it?

164. Applesauce.

165. (chuckles) Oh, of course.

166. I'm sorry. I don't get out to restaurants much.

167. That's okay. I don't entertain much.

168. Usually it's just soup for one, salad for one,

169. wine for three.

170. (laughs) You know, I always thought

171. I'd fall for a woman just like Mother...

172. even though I didn't want to.

173. And now that I haven't,

174. I've discovered what true happiness can be, Edna.

175. Seymour, swallow that applesauce

176. and kiss me.

177. I'm afraid I already swallowed it while you were talking.

178. Mmm...

179. Mmm...

180. Good morning, students. Way to go there, Wendell.

181. There's Ralph— He knows the score.

182. Jimbo, how's that hat today?

183. Janie, Janie, bo-phaney!

184. The only way to survive a deadly blaze is...

185. Oh, heck, life's too short for fire safety.

186. Let's go outside and pick wild flowers.

187. Bart Simpson to the principal's office.

188. Post haste.

189. Bart, so good to see you.

190. I have a little favor to ask you.

191. I'd like you to give this note

192. to Edna when you get back to class.

193. I don't think I have to tell you

194. it's for her eyes only.

195. "Dear Edna"-- (mumbling)

196. (sing-song) I hear reading.

197. Do you think anyone saw us?

198. No. It went just as we planned.

199. Except they confiscated my thermos of cola at the door.

200. Ohh—

201. Skinner, Krabappel, what are you two doing here?

202. Superintendent Chalmers!

203. Uh, why, we're—

204. We're, uh, on a, uh—

205. - a— what do you call— field trip. - Uh, with a student.

206. - Yes! He's, uh... - He's purchasing refreshments

207. - in the lobby. - I'll go get him right now.

208. (whispering) Car keys, car keys, car keys.

209. (sleepily) Stop pushing me. What's going on?

210. Just enjoy the movie. It has Tom Berenger.

211. You think they actually filmed this in Atlanta?

212. I don't know.

213. I don't think it's important.

214. Yeah.

215. Mother doesn't approve of me dating,

216. so I need you to keep her busy for a few hours

217. while Edna and I sneak out.

218. Oh, I can't take much more of this.

219. I collect pictures of cakes

220. that I clip out of the magazines.

221. It all started in 1941

222. when Good Housekeeping featured a photo of a lovely cake.

223. You wouldn't happen to have any real cakes around here, would you?

224. Oh, my no. I don't care for cake. Too sweet.

225. Now, this is called a Lady Baltimore cake.

226. At my age, I don't have much saliva left

227. so you'll have to lick my thumb

228. before I can turn the page.

229. Oh, can't I just turn the page for you?

230. No!

231. But you can pick out any picture

232. you want to take home with you.

233. Okay. That one.

234. - No! - Ow!

235. You can't have that one!

236. That's a coconut cake!

237. Bart Simpson!

238. How many times do I have to tell you no talking!

239. Report to the principal's office!

240. But-but I wasn't...

241. - And here, take this with you. - (groans)

242. Mrs. Krabappel, Bart has something

243. he wants to say to you.

244. - I won't say it! - Bart!

245. (groans) Oh...

246. I love you, Edna Krabappel.

247. (chanting) Bart's going to marry the teacher.

248. Where are you registered, Simpson?

249. Thank you, Bart.

250. That was very sweet.

251. You may sit down now.

252. They're not going to get away with this.

253. I'm going to step out for a few minutes, class.

254. Martin, you're in charge.

255. Now, Bart, uh...

256. You must promise not to fall in love with me.

257. Now, Martin's scoring off me.

258. Oh, that is it.

259. Listen up, everybody!

260. Follow me!

261. What's going on, huh?

262. What's happening, Simpson?

263. Where are we going, anyway?

264. Okay, crew...

265. Set your faces to stunned.

266. Um...

267. Um...

268. School dismissed.

269. And then Bart opened the door

270. and Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel

271. were kissing!

272. - (gasps) - And swearing.

273. Father, Uncle Apu,

274. a teacher was in the closet with the principal

275. and he had as many arms as Vishnu

276. and they were all very busy.

277. - (gasps) - Wow.

278. I was in the library, at the time,

279. but Janie told me that Principal Skinner

280. and Bart's teacher, Mrs...

281. What's her name?

282. Krabappel?

283. Yeah, Krabappel.

284. They were naked in the closet together.

285. Oh, my goodness!

286. Wait a minute.

287. Bart's teacher is named "Krabappel"?

288. I've been calling her "Crandall."

289. Why didn't someone tell me?

290. Oh, I've been making an idiot out of myself!

291. Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner

292. were in the closet making babies,

293. and I saw one of the babies,

294. and the baby looked at me.

295. Baby looked at you?

296. Sara, get me Superintendent Chalmers.

297. - Thank you, Sara. - Hmm.

298. - Skinner! - Uh, Superintendent Chalmers.

299. The whole town's in an uproar about your sleazy shenanigans.

300. Now, I'm going to give you a choice.

301. You can give up this tawdry fulfilling relationship

302. or you two will be out of here so fast

303. your mortarboards will spin.

304. And where is your mortarboard anyway?

305. Uh... Right here, sir.

306. So, what'll it be, Seymour?

307. Well...

308. I'm sorry, but, uh, I can't give up the woman I love.

309. Well, then I'm afraid you leave me no choice.

310. I want you out of the building by 3:00.

311. - You're fired. Edna, too. - (gasps)

312. Well, it's going to be hard to say good-bye to all of you.

313. We've had a lot of fun together.

314. Nelson, Nelson, Nelson.

315. How many kids have you beaten up this year?

316. I don't know— 50.

317. Ah, 50.

318. Where does the time go?

319. You, uh, you wanted to see me, Principal Skinner?

320. Mm-mm. It's Mr. Skinner now.

321. I'm just a man.

322. Bart, I want to apologize for the awkward position

323. Edna and I put you in.

324. Your— Your help made our love possible.

325. I don't know what we'll do without you.

326. Well, so long.

327. Wait a second!

328. You don't have to leave just because

329. Superintendent Chalmers told you to.

330. What are you getting at?

331. You spent your whole life

332. following orders— from your mother

333. the army, Superintendent Chalmers...

334. Just this once, man, stand up for yourself.

335. Okay, Bart.

336. Let's go, Seymour.

337. Okay, Edna.

338. Uh... No, wait!

339. We're not going anywhere.

340. I'm going to do what Bart should have told me to do

341. a long time ago.

342. Attention, Springfield.

343. We have barricaded ourselves in the school

344. and are not coming down until our demands are met.

345. Willie hears you. Willie don't care.

346. Obviously, you two have no experience

347. causing a scene.

348. I'll be right there.

349. All right people,

350. we've got an escaped octopus

351. on the roof of Springfield Elementary.

352. Let's roll.

353. Two cameras.

354. So, once again, I've been had.

355. But an even more interesting story

356. has developed high atop this two-story school:

357. A love story.

358. Skinner, get off of my school.

359. No. You get off of my school.

360. Homer, Bart's up there!

361. Give me that!

362. Bart, this is your father!

363. Do you know where the remote is?

364. I looked all over the house.

365. Did you check your pocket?

366. It was—

367. It was in my pocket.

368. Fine. Stay in the school.

369. We don't want you to come out.

370. You got it.

371. Damn. All right, boys,

372. roll up the sound truck.

373. We'll blast them out with music.

374. Oh, Edna, I hope this siege never ends.

375. Seymour, you're heaven in hush puppies.

376. Oh...

377. Turn the music off!

378. Ha! It's working like a charm, boys.

379. Now cut the power and hit them with the lights.

380. Ugh!

381. - (ringing) - I'll get it.

382. - Talk to me. - You have got to end this thing, Seymour.

383. We're not coming down until our jobs are reinstated

384. and you acknowledge and celebrate our love.

385. No one would like to celebrate your love more than I

386. but I'm a public servant

387. and not permitted to use my own judgment in any way.

388. Then let us take our case directly to the towns people.

389. Oh, yeah, that'll be real productive.

390. Who do you want to talk to first?

391. The guy in the bumblebee suit

392. or the one with the bone through his hair?

393. My opinions are as valid

394. as the next man's!

395. Yeah, all right. Just come on down.

396. Well... This is it.

397. What are you going to do?

398. I'm going to go out there

399. and tell every man, woman and child

400. that I love Edna krabappel.

401. Well, that's nice,

402. but first you got to grab their attention.

403. And I think I know how.

404. I have a bomb.

405. (gasping and murmuring)

406. Hey, wait a minute.

407. Those are hot dogs.

408. Armour hot dogs.

409. What kind of man wears Armour hot dogs?

410. It was a good idea, Bart,

411. but it's just not working.

412. Just speak from the heart, Seymour.

413. Tell them how we brought a little happiness

414. into each other's lives.

415. Ask them why they're forcing two dedicated people

416. to choose between their careers and their hearts.

417. Excuse me, Edna.

418. I don't think we're talking about love here.

419. We're talking about s-e-x

420. in front of the c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n.

421. Sex Cauldron?

422. I thought they closed that place down.

423. What are you people talking about?

424. My child told me you two were having sex

425. in the school janitor's closet.

426. You know, "Making babies"?

427. Yes, illicit sex.

428. Doing it! It! It!

429. Sordid public sexual congress!

430. This is absurd.

431. I did not have relations in that closet,

432. and the fact is, I haven't...

433. Uh...

434. Yes?

435. Seymour, I think you'd better tell them.

436. It's the only way to clear our names.

437. Well, everyone, the fact is

438. I haven't ever had relations.

439. I am a virgin.

440. Ha-ha!

441. Hey, does this mean

442. that Mrs. Krabappel is a virgin, too?

443. Ha!

444. Well, Seymour, it's clear

445. you've been falsely accused

446. because no one... anywhere... ever...

447. Would pretend to be a 44-year-old virgin.

448. Oh, that's for sure.

449. I'm, I'm inclined to agree.

450. Ugh! I'll never look at him the same again.

451. That was more than I wanted to know.

452. Okay, well, um, Edna, Seymour,

453. in light of these, uh... uh... revelations

454. I, uh, suppose we, uh... overreacted.

455. Do we have our jobs back?

456. What? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Sure.

457. Just, uh, you know, keep the lewdness to a minimum.

458. I'm out of here.

459. Skinny, Krabby, catch you later.

460. Uh, hold on, Bart.

461. May we have a word with you?

462. We want to thank you for helping us

463. through a difficult period.

464. Oh, no problemo.

465. So, I guess now you'll be getting married

466. or something, huh?

467. Well, actually, Seymour and I have decided to break up.

468. Huh?

469. We can't continue on like this,

470. trying to build a private relationship in public—

471. The whole town watching our every move

472. with a fine-tooth comb.

473. Mm-hmm. I'm used to humiliation

474. but not in front of a crowd that size.

475. But you seemed like such a good couple.

476. Bart, when you get a little older

477. you're going to learn that, sometimes, romances

478. don't turn out exactly the way you'd like them to.

479. Hmm...

480. That's why I love elementary school, Edna:

481. The children believe anything you tell them.

482. Whoo! Oh, Seymour...

483. Shh!

484. CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.