1. The Simpsons.Copy !req
2. Tonight on
"Eye on Springfield"...Copy !req
3. Opening day at the world's
first two-story outhouse.Copy !req
4. Oh, God! Stop!Copy !req
5. A comedy nurse who's laughing
all the way to the blood bank.Copy !req
6. Okay, how many of you are here
for shoulder surgery, huh?Copy !req
7. Gotcha!Copy !req
8. But first,
move over, Baltimore.Copy !req
9. Springfield
has stolen your idea.Copy !req
10. I'm walking
on the waterfront...Copy !req
11. Once the center of a thriving
squid-gutting industry,Copy !req
12. now abandoned by all
but a few longshoremenCopy !req
13. and allied tradespeople.Copy !req
14. But the decades of rot will endCopy !req
15. with the opening
of the South Street Squidport,Copy !req
16. an upscale
shopping promenadeCopy !req
17. with authentic
maritime theming.Copy !req
18. And to kick it all off in styleCopy !req
19. area merchants will host
a black-tie gala Saturday night.Copy !req
20. Ooh, that sounds
fabulous, Homer.Copy !req
21. Stores throw
the best parties.Copy !req
22. You like parties, huh?Copy !req
23. Well, I just remembered
they're having a big oneCopy !req
24. down at the waterfront
this weekend.Copy !req
25. You didn't
remember that.Copy !req
26. You just saw it on TV.Copy !req
27. The important thing
is I didn't imagine it.Copy !req
28. I can't get enough
of "The BabySitter Twins."Copy !req
29. They arrested
the counterfeiters,Copy !req
30. rescued the president
and made four dollars.Copy !req
31. I love everything about
the world of baby-sitting...Copy !req
32. The responsibility,
the obligation, the pressure...Copy !req
33. And full refrigerator
privileges.Copy !req
34. That's a trust, Janey,
a sacred trust.Copy !req
35. Jeez, lighten up, Lisa.Copy !req
36. That concludes our service.Copy !req
37. All right, I have
two announcements.Copy !req
38. Friday you will have the chanceCopy !req
39. to party down
in the church basementCopy !req
40. to the Jesus rock
stylings of Testament.Copy !req
41. That's Friday,
6 p.m. sharp.Copy !req
42. All the best bands are
affiliated with Satan.Copy !req
43. Also, anyone in need of a reliable
and affordable baby-sitterCopy !req
44. should call
Lisa Simpson.Copy !req
45. Mention the topic
of today's sermonCopy !req
46. to get a dollar off.Copy !req
47. The topic was love.Copy !req
48. Why hasn't anyone called?Copy !req
49. Maybe people don't want an
eight-year-old baby-sitter, honey.Copy !req
50. Parents need to be sureCopy !req
51. their sitter can handle
anything that might happen.Copy !req
52. That's why they hire teenagers.Copy !req
53. But, but I'm very
mature for my age.Copy !req
54. People often
mistake me for nine.Copy !req
55. Homer, I've got a Fozzie
of a bear of a problem.Copy !req
56. That Maude and her mother
were visiting Tyre and Sidon,Copy !req
57. the twin cities
of the holy land.Copy !req
58. They must have kneeled
in the wrong placeCopy !req
59. and prayed to
the wrong godCopy !req
60. because, well, they're being held prisoner
by militants of some sort.Copy !req
61. Militants, huh? Well, if I were you,
I'd kick their asses.Copy !req
62. Well, any hoodily-doodle,
the embassy saysCopy !req
63. it's just a routine
hostage takingCopy !req
64. but I have to drive
to Capitol City,Copy !req
65. fill out some forms
to get them out.Copy !req
66. Could you possibly
watch the kids tonight?Copy !req
67. Oh, gee, I'd really love
to want to help you, FlandersCopy !req
68. but, uh... Marge was...Copy !req
69. Taken prisoner in, uh...Copy !req
70. Holy land, and, uh...Copy !req
71. I'll do it!
I'll baby-sit!Copy !req
72. Well, I don't know, Lisa.Copy !req
73. You're awfully young,Copy !req
74. and the boys
can be a handful.Copy !req
75. Todd's been pinching
everyone lately.Copy !req
76. But I'm smart and responsibleCopy !req
77. and my parents
will be right next door.Copy !req
78. Well, what do
you say, Homer?Copy !req
79. Can Lisa baby-sit
for my kids?Copy !req
80. Please, please,
please?Copy !req
81. Well, I'll have to ask her.Copy !req
82. Where are the dice?Copy !req
83. Daddy says dice are wicked.Copy !req
84. We just move
one space at a time.Copy !req
85. It's less fun that way.Copy !req
86. - Moth! Moth!
- Moth! Moth!Copy !req
87. Moth-moth-moth!Copy !req
88. Don't worry.Copy !req
89. A moth is no more harmful
than a ladybug.Copy !req
90. - A ladybug?
- A ladybug?Copy !req
91. Uh, they're going to get
eaten alive in middle school.Copy !req
92. And thank you
for sending LisaCopy !req
93. to protect us
from the bug you sent.Copy !req
94. And please make Lisa
tell us a bedtime story...Copy !req
95. about robots...Copy !req
96. named Rod and Todd.Copy !req
97. Amen.Copy !req
98. Once there was
a robot named Todd...Copy !req
99. Did he have a brother?Copy !req
100. Yes, he had a brother
robot named RodCopy !req
101. who was two space
years older than him.Copy !req
102. I don't like this story!Copy !req
103. Oh, imagine that:Copy !req
104. Sleeping quietly
after a bug attackCopy !req
105. and Todd's as
dry as a bone.Copy !req
106. Lisa, you're a wonder.Copy !req
107. I'm going to recommend you
to everybody.Copy !req
108. So long, Lisa.Copy !req
109. If anything goes
wrong, just dial 911.Copy !req
110. Unless it's an emergency.Copy !req
111. Okay, chief. Enjoy Bob Saget.Copy !req
112. Ha! It's Bob Seger.Copy !req
113. Aw, crap.Copy !req
114. Now, put your left leg
into the left sideCopy !req
115. of the pants
and you're done.Copy !req
116. I dressed myself.Copy !req
117. Hey, Dad. How come you're
wearing a tuxedo?Copy !req
118. Going to that fancy
waterfront party tomorrow.Copy !req
119. Why are you wearing it now?Copy !req
120. It's like a rent-a-car, son.Copy !req
121. You get all the mileage you can,
then ball it upCopy !req
122. and cram it through
the mail slot.Copy !req
123. Thanks for the ride.Copy !req
124. You did a first-rate
job of baby-sitting.Copy !req
125. I've never seen such
a responsible young lady.Copy !req
126. Thank you, Dr. Hibbert.Copy !req
127. Your trust means so much to me.Copy !req
128. I only wish my Volvo
mechanic were as reliable.Copy !req
129. Good night, Lisa.Copy !req
130. You made all that moneyCopy !req
131. for sitting around and
watching TV and eating food?Copy !req
132. There's a lot more
to it than that, Bart.Copy !req
133. I don't just baby-sit.Copy !req
134. I sell peace of mind
for a dollar an hour.Copy !req
135. Two dollars after 9:00.Copy !req
136. Man, if I was making
that kind of moneyCopy !req
137. I'd be out of
here so fast...Copy !req
138. You look so glamorous, Mom.Copy !req
139. Oh, and you smell
like vanilla flowers.Copy !req
140. Dad, you look
totally classy.Copy !req
141. You could be Abe Lincoln's
father's boss.Copy !req
142. Can you see the pie stains?Copy !req
143. It'll be dark.Copy !req
144. So, when's Grampa getting here
to baby-sit?Copy !req
145. Mmm, Grampa's not coming.Copy !req
146. Oh, not Patty and Selma.Copy !req
147. Actually, Bart, Lisa's
going to be in charge tonight.Copy !req
148. - What?
- I know she's young,Copy !req
149. but Lisa has proven herself
mature and dependable.Copy !req
150. Dad, help me out.Copy !req
151. Take it like a man, boy,Copy !req
152. and do everything
your little sister says.Copy !req
153. This is an outrage.Copy !req
154. I am two years and 38 days
older than she is!Copy !req
155. This is the greatest injustice
in the history of the world!Copy !req
156. Well, we have to run.Copy !req
157. I'm sure you kids
will work things out.Copy !req
158. Good night.Copy !req
159. Make sure he brushes
his teeth, Lisa.Copy !req
160. Bart, I know
you're not wildCopy !req
161. about having me
for a babysitterCopy !req
162. but I'm not some ogre.Copy !req
163. I think you will find me
fair and fun.Copy !req
164. You're dead.Copy !req
165. You should wash up for dinner.Copy !req
166. To make it fun,
you can use the Mr. Bubble.Copy !req
167. It'll be like giving
your fingers a bubble bath.Copy !req
168. You are so dead.Copy !req
169. Ah, I love this
pedestrian mall.Copy !req
170. It's practically
no traffic.Copy !req
171. Mmm. I don't think
we should be driving here.Copy !req
172. The mayor's yelling at us.Copy !req
173. Stop, you idiots!Copy !req
174. All right, all right.Copy !req
175. Jeez.Copy !req
176. Okay, honey, remember
where we're parked.Copy !req
177. May I have some more
lima beans, please?Copy !req
178. Certainly.Copy !req
179. More than that.Copy !req
180. Certainly.Copy !req
181. More.Copy !req
182. More.
More.Copy !req
183. Maybe you should eat
the ones you have.Copy !req
184. I didn't say I was
going to eat them.Copy !req
185. I just wanted
to look at themCopy !req
186. because they're
so gross.Copy !req
187. What's for dessert?Copy !req
188. Bart, if you don't want
to have a baby-sitter,Copy !req
189. maybe you should stop
being such a baby.Copy !req
190. Oh, I'm a baby, huh?Copy !req
191. Well, then,
I'll act like a baby.Copy !req
192. Ga-ga-goo-goo.Copy !req
193. Even babies know how to open
and close their mouths.Copy !req
194. You need a bib.Copy !req
195. Oh, baby hate bib.Copy !req
196. Waah! Waah!
Waaah! Waaah!Copy !req
197. Oh, look, Bart.Copy !req
198. Now you got Maggie
all upset.Copy !req
199. Relax. I'll give her
some ice cream.Copy !req
200. Bart, that's
coffee ice cream.Copy !req
201. It has
caffeine in it.Copy !req
202. Well, I guess that'll make
things more interestingCopy !req
203. for you now,
won't it?Copy !req
204. Ooh! It's so beautiful.Copy !req
205. This is what I imagine
Paris must be like.Copy !req
206. You've never been?Copy !req
207. I'm so honored that Springfield
has been chosenCopy !req
208. to host all these
upscale chain stores.Copy !req
209. I guess this makes us
yuppies, huh, Homie?Copy !req
210. Nah, I'm really
more of a slacker.Copy !req
211. Malaria Zone.Copy !req
212. That's where all
the explorers shop.Copy !req
213. Look, Marge!Copy !req
214. A restaurant owned
by celebrities.Copy !req
215. I always wanted
to be a celebrity.Copy !req
216. Ha-ha! Yes, it's true.Copy !req
217. The entire menu was personally
approved by my secretary.Copy !req
218. Isn't that clever?Copy !req
219. It looks like a Cadillac
drove right into the building.Copy !req
220. Help me.Copy !req
221. Wow. Even Moe's moved
to fancy new digs.Copy !req
222. Hey, this isn't
faux dive.Copy !req
223. This is a dive.Copy !req
224. You're a long way
from home, yuppie boy.Copy !req
225. I'll start a tab.Copy !req
226. Maggie, if you come down,
I'll give you some more coffee.Copy !req
227. Lots more coffee.Copy !req
228. Are you getting ready
for bed, Bart?Copy !req
229. I am!Copy !req
230. That's right.Copy !req
231. I want the 25-foot
Italian party sub.Copy !req
232. And don't skimp
on the vinegar.Copy !req
233. It's time Lisa learnedCopy !req
234. what baby-sitting Bart Simpson
is all about.Copy !req
235. Um, yes, I'd like to host
an A.A. meeting.Copy !req
236. Tonight if possible.Copy !req
237. Come on, Maggie.Copy !req
238. Good Maggie.Copy !req
239. The talcum powder's
not to play with.Copy !req
240. Okay, Bart now it's really time
for you to go to bed.Copy !req
241. Why do you have
to make this so hard?Copy !req
242. I'm using nonviolent resistance.Copy !req
243. The idea that you would compare
yourself to Mahatma Gandhi...Copy !req
244. Who?Copy !req
245. I'll answer it.Copy !req
246. You go to bed.Copy !req
247. Good evening
there, miss.Copy !req
248. Here's your giant subCopy !req
249. swimming in vinegar
just the way you like it.Copy !req
250. It's going to be
$225 plus tip.Copy !req
251. What? I didn't order
any giant sub.Copy !req
252. Hey, hey!Copy !req
253. Are you ready to get rowdy?Copy !req
254. Excuse me?Copy !req
255. Somebody hired me for an emergency
bachelor party.Copy !req
256. Well, there's been a mistake.Copy !req
257. Well, I'm not leaving
till I get paid.Copy !req
258. I get 500 just
for "Hey, hey."Copy !req
259. Who called for an emergency
sisterectomy?Copy !req
260. We got a reportCopy !req
261. that a Lisa Simpson
spotted a U.F.O.Copy !req
262. I didn't see any U.F.O.!Copy !req
263. That's right, miss.Copy !req
264. You didn't.Copy !req
265. I'm here to pick up
the ambassador from Ghana.Copy !req
266. Well, he's not here!
Nobody's here!Copy !req
267. None of you
should be here!Copy !req
268. You've all been tricked!Copy !req
269. Why would the ambassador
do such a thing?Copy !req
270. This is ridiculous.Copy !req
271. I'm going to
bill them later.Copy !req
272. Bart, you are going to beCopy !req
273. in so much trouble when
Mom and Dad get home.Copy !req
274. Now, go to bed!Copy !req
275. You're the boss.Copy !req
276. I thought I told
you to go to bed.Copy !req
277. Yeah, right. Bread.Copy !req
278. You said go to "bread."Copy !req
279. I said go to bed.Copy !req
280. Yeah, go to "bread."Copy !req
281. B-E-D! Bed!Copy !req
282. Oh... Bed.Copy !req
283. Well, anything
you say, sis.Copy !req
284. You didn't say which bed.Copy !req
285. Go to your bed!Copy !req
286. - Make me.
- I'll make you.Copy !req
287. If you want me,
you got to catch me.Copy !req
288. Almost.Copy !req
289. - Oh, so close.
- Bart!Copy !req
290. Son of a...Copy !req
291. Oh, my God.Copy !req
292. Okay, we'll call it evenCopy !req
293. if I can just have some
of that big sandwich.Copy !req
294. I'll come back.Copy !req
295. Bart, are you okay?Copy !req
296. Ohh. Yeah, I think so.Copy !req
297. It's just a bump
on my head.Copy !req
298. Ew, your arm.Copy !req
299. It's got extra
corners.Copy !req
300. Yah! Oh, cool.Copy !req
301. It must be dislocated
or something.Copy !req
302. We have to get you
to the emergency room.Copy !req
303. And get this fixed?
What's the rush?Copy !req
304. Don't you want
everyone to seeCopy !req
305. what a responsible
baby-sitter you were?Copy !req
306. Stop it. Stand still.Copy !req
307. Maybe I can pop it back in.Copy !req
308. No, I'm going to preserve
the evidenceCopy !req
309. until Mom and Dad get home.Copy !req
310. And you'll never
baby-sit again!Copy !req
311. You know, honeyCopy !req
312. when I think of all the good
times we've had together...Copy !req
313. Yeow!Copy !req
314. Did you see that, Marge?Copy !req
315. Oh, my God, you walked
into the fountain.Copy !req
316. Get out of
the fountain!Copy !req
317. I can't get out.Copy !req
318. Just stand still
and I'll get someone.Copy !req
319. I can't get out.Copy !req
320. Don't laugh at me.Copy !req
321. I was once like you.Copy !req
322. Bart, you need first aid.Copy !req
323. Let me in.Copy !req
324. I'm afraid
you'll hurt me again.Copy !req
325. Bart, if you come out,Copy !req
326. I'll let you eat
raw cookie dough.Copy !req
327. I'll let you...Copy !req
328. ride the lawn mower
through the house.Copy !req
329. Come on, open the door!Copy !req
330. What are you doing now?Copy !req
331. I'm banging
my head.Copy !req
332. I'm going to make
the lump even bigger.Copy !req
333. No! As your baby-sitterCopy !req
334. I order you to stop hitting
your head on the wall!Copy !req
335. Bart?Copy !req
336. Did you stop
because I said to?Copy !req
337. If so, thank you.Copy !req
338. Bart?Copy !req
339. 911.Copy !req
340. Hello, this is Lisa Simpson...Copy !req
341. Simpson? Look, we've already
been out there tonightCopy !req
342. for a sisterectomy,Copy !req
343. a case of severe butt-rot,
and a leprechaun bite.Copy !req
344. How dumb
do you think we are?Copy !req
345. Wait. Dr. Hibbert.Copy !req
346. Dislocated shoulder,
bump on the noggin.Copy !req
347. My diagnosis?Copy !req
348. Bad baby-sitting.Copy !req
349. Well, near
as we can tell,Copy !req
350. the boy was
studying quietly,Copy !req
351. when the girl,Copy !req
352. drunk on her
own sense of power,Copy !req
353. beat him silly with a block of
frozen lima beans.Copy !req
354. It's true!Copy !req
355. Young lady, you will
never baby-sit again.Copy !req
356. I am so disappointed.Copy !req
357. Oh, well, I guess
I don't have a choice.Copy !req
358. "Complete confidentiality"?Copy !req
359. Oh? And I'm sure
he's as good as Dr. Hibbert.Copy !req
360. It says so
right in his ad.Copy !req
361. What's
the matter, Marge?Copy !req
362. I thought you loved
Jell-O shooters.Copy !req
363. Oh, I do.Copy !req
364. I'm just a little concerned
about the kids.Copy !req
365. Maybe I should call.Copy !req
366. Oh, come on,
Marge, relax.Copy !req
367. Lisa's in charge.Copy !req
368. She's
the responsible one.Copy !req
369. Hold on, Bart.Copy !req
370. Everything's going
to be just fine.Copy !req
371. I'm going to get you
to a doctor.Copy !req
372. He will fix you up.Copy !req
373. And by this time tomorrow,
we'll all be a happy family.Copy !req
374. Happy, happy,
happy family.Copy !req
375. Maggie!Copy !req
376. Please, Maggie.
Please go to sleep.Copy !req
377. Yo, um, I must have, like,
fallen on a bullet,Copy !req
378. and it, like, drove
itself into my gut.Copy !req
379. Hey, don't worry.Copy !req
380. You don't have
to make up stories here.Copy !req
381. Save that for court.Copy !req
382. Um, excuse me,
Mr. Smithers.Copy !req
383. Bart may be
seriously hurt.Copy !req
384. Could we possibly
go ahead of you?Copy !req
385. Um... No.Copy !req
386. I really would rather
get this taken care of.Copy !req
387. Excuse me, little lady.Copy !req
388. The wheelbarrow line
is over there.Copy !req
389. Ooh, loneliness
and cheeseburgersCopy !req
390. are a dangerous mix.Copy !req
391. Hold it right there.Copy !req
392. Well, if it isn't
Springfield'sCopy !req
393. finest little baby-sitter,
Lisa Simpson.Copy !req
394. - Hi. How are you?
- Um, I'm fine.Copy !req
395. Now, Lisa, when
you're walkingCopy !req
396. down the side
of the road,Copy !req
397. you always want
to be sureCopy !req
398. to go with
traffic, okay?Copy !req
399. Well, is that with traffic
or against traffic?Copy !req
400. No, it's with traffic...
With traffic.Copy !req
401. Anyway, good night.Copy !req
402. Uh, hold on
a minute.Copy !req
403. Let me have a look at
that wheelbarrow, please.Copy !req
404. Okay.Copy !req
405. Just as I thought.Copy !req
406. It's a Yard King.Copy !req
407. That is
a quality barrow.Copy !req
408. Well, I got to run.Copy !req
409. Oh, God.Copy !req
410. Where's Bart?Copy !req
411. Oh, Bart,
I'm so sorry.Copy !req
412. This is all
like a bad dream.Copy !req
413. Citizens of Springfield,Copy !req
414. I officially declare this...Copy !req
415. What the hell is that?Copy !req
416. Why, it's Lisa SimpsonCopy !req
417. and look what she's doing.Copy !req
418. I don't believe it.Copy !req
419. She's murdered her brother.Copy !req
420. And she's trying to dump
the body in the harbor.Copy !req
421. Well, duh.Copy !req
422. And as a grim finale,Copy !req
423. she intends to drown
that poor caged baby.Copy !req
424. What's happening?
Where am I?Copy !req
425. And she's on drugs!Copy !req
426. Give me the drugs, Lisa.Copy !req
427. Dad, I am
not on drugs.Copy !req
428. I was just
trying...Copy !req
429. Oh, his arm!Copy !req
430. Oh, my special little guy.Copy !req
431. Are you okay?Copy !req
432. Hmm. Dislocated shoulder,Copy !req
433. bump on the noggin.Copy !req
434. My diagnosis?Copy !req
435. A rather nasty fall...Copy !req
436. caused by bad baby-sitting!Copy !req
437. Hey, Bart.Copy !req
438. - How's your arm?
- It's all right.Copy !req
439. I was hoping they'd give me
one of them steel claws,Copy !req
440. but what are you going to do?Copy !req
441. I'm... I'm sorry
I was such a jerk last night.Copy !req
442. I guess I sort of ruined
your baby-sitting business.Copy !req
443. Yeah, well, that's okay.Copy !req
444. I can always sell seeds.Copy !req
445. Do you want some seeds?Copy !req
446. No, thanks.Copy !req
447. Hello.Copy !req
448. World's worst
baby-sitter speaking.Copy !req
449. Lisa,
I'm glad I reached you.Copy !req
450. Are you available
to baby-sit tonight?Copy !req
451. Aren't you afraid
I might take drugsCopy !req
452. and injure your children?Copy !req
453. Yes, that is a concern,Copy !req
454. but it's so hard
to find a sitter,Copy !req
455. and I've got judo tonight.Copy !req
456. Um, okay.Copy !req
457. I'm sorry.
Can you hold on, please?Copy !req
458. Hello.Copy !req
459. Lisa, Ned Flanders.Copy !req
460. You available tonight?Copy !req
461. Didn't you hear
I almost killed my brother?Copy !req
462. You did?Copy !req
463. Just a minute.Copy !req
464. What time
can you come over?Copy !req
465. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.Copy !req