1. D'Copy !req
2. Aah!Copy !req
3. Here's your caption boys:Copy !req
4. "Local hero shuns spotlight
and pitches in."Copy !req
5. What an angle.Copy !req
6. I can't believe I'm spending
my Saturday picking up garbage.Copy !req
7. I mean, half these bottles
ain't even mine.Copy !req
8. Let's have less conversation
and more sanitation.Copy !req
9. Hey, where's Homer?Copy !req
10. How'd he get out of this?Copy !req
11. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
12. Up here!Copy !req
13. Simpson, stop frolicking
and get to work.Copy !req
14. Right away, Mr. Smithers.Copy !req
15. I'll just walk across
these slippery ro... aah!Copy !req
16. No! He's going
over the falls!Copy !req
17. Good. He snagged
that tree branch.Copy !req
18. No!
The branch broke off.Copy !req
19. Good. He can grab on
to them pointy rocks.Copy !req
20. No!Copy !req
21. Them rocks broke
his arms and legs.Copy !req
22. Good.
Those helpful beaversCopy !req
23. are swimming out to save him.Copy !req
24. No.Copy !req
25. They're biting him
and stealing his pants.Copy !req
26. Good Lord. He'll be sucked
into the turbine.Copy !req
27. Smithers, Who was that corpse?Copy !req
28. Homer Simpson, sir.Copy !req
29. One of the finest, bravest menCopy !req
30. ever to grace Sector 7G.Copy !req
31. I'll cross him off the list.Copy !req
32. That dummy worked
like a charm, Dad.Copy !req
33. Best 600 bucks I ever spent.Copy !req
34. Come on, boy.Copy !req
35. We've earned this Saturday.Copy !req
36. Now let's make the most of it!Copy !req
37. 61, 62, 63...Copy !req
38. Marge, we can't tell you
how sorry we are.Copy !req
39. You have our deepest
condol-diddly-olences.Copy !req
40. I'm sorry.
I-I'm just nervous.Copy !req
41. I didn't mean any disrespect.Copy !req
42. What are you talking about?Copy !req
43. You know...Copy !req
44. Homer's passing.Copy !req
45. Away.Copy !req
46. Into death.Copy !req
47. What?Copy !req
48. That's ridiculous.
Homer's not dead.Copy !req
49. He's right out back
in the hammock.Copy !req
50. Marge, of course Homer's alive.Copy !req
51. He's alive in all our hearts.Copy !req
52. Yes, Marge.Copy !req
53. I can see him.Copy !req
54. Hi, everybody.Copy !req
55. Marge, I'm going to
give you the cardCopy !req
56. of our juvenile counselor.Copy !req
57. A tombstone?Copy !req
58. It came with the burial plot.Copy !req
59. But that's not important.Copy !req
60. The important thing is,
Homer's dead.Copy !req
61. We've been saving for this
since your wedding day.Copy !req
62. Get out of here you ghouls!Copy !req
63. Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.Copy !req
64. Excuse me.Copy !req
65. Sir, I think there's
been a mistake.Copy !req
66. No. No mistake.Copy !req
67. Your electricity's in the nameCopy !req
68. of Homer J. Simpson,
deceased.Copy !req
69. The juice stays off till you
get a job or a generator.Copy !req
70. And, my deepest sympathies.Copy !req
71. Homer?Copy !req
72. That's my name.Copy !req
73. When I asked you if that dummyCopy !req
74. was to fake your own
death, you told me no.Copy !req
75. You go downtown first
thing in the morningCopy !req
76. and straighten this out.Copy !req
77. Mom! Dad!Copy !req
78. Bart ran into a doorframe
and bit his tongue!Copy !req
79. What the hell'th goin' on heah?Copy !req
80. Listen here. My name
is Homer J. Simpson.Copy !req
81. You guys think I'm dead,
but I'm not.Copy !req
82. Now I want you
to straighten this outCopy !req
83. without a lot of your bureaucratic
red tape and mumbo jumbo.Copy !req
84. Okay, Mr. SimpsonCopy !req
85. I'll just make the change
here... and you're all set.Copy !req
86. I don't like your attitude,
you water-cooler dictator.Copy !req
87. What do you have in that
secret government file, anyway?Copy !req
88. I have a right to read it.Copy !req
89. You sure do.Copy !req
90. "Marjorie.Copy !req
91. Bartholomew,
Lisa..."Copy !req
92. Hah! See? This thing
is all screwed up.Copy !req
93. Who the heck
is "Margaret" Simpson?Copy !req
94. Your youngest daughter.Copy !req
95. "your youngest daughter."Copy !req
96. Well, how about this?Copy !req
97. This thing says
my mother's still alive!Copy !req
98. She died when I was a kid!Copy !req
99. You see that stone angel
up there?Copy !req
100. That's my mother's grave.Copy !req
101. My Dad points it out
every time we drive by.Copy !req
102. Mr. Simpson...Copy !req
103. maybe you should actuallyCopy !req
104. go up there.Copy !req
105. Mom, I'm sorry
I never come to see you.Copy !req
106. I'm just not a cemetery person.Copy !req
107. "Here lies...Copy !req
108. Walt Whitman"?Copy !req
109. Damn you, Walt Whitman!Copy !req
110. I-hate-you-
Walt-freakin'-Whitman!Copy !req
111. Leaves of Grass, my ass!Copy !req
112. Wait a minute.Copy !req
113. Maybe it's that other grave...
The one that says "Simpson"!Copy !req
114. Why does my death
keep coming back to haunt me?Copy !req
115. You awful, awful man!Copy !req
116. Get out of my son's grave!Copy !req
117. I hate to rain on your parade,
lady, but this is my grave.Copy !req
118. Hey...Copy !req
119. wait a minute...Copy !req
120. Mom?Copy !req
121. Homer?Copy !req
122. I thought you were dead!Copy !req
123. I thought you were dead!Copy !req
124. Dang blast it.Copy !req
125. Isn't anybody in this
dad-gummed cemetery dead?Copy !req
126. I didn't want to cause a fussCopy !req
127. but now that you mention it...Copy !req
128. Homer, you grew up so handsome.Copy !req
129. Some people say
I look like Dan Aykroyd.Copy !req
130. I can't believe you're here.Copy !req
131. Dad always told me you died
while I was at the movies.Copy !req
132. My poor baby.Copy !req
133. You must have been so upset.Copy !req
134. But I suppose Abe
has his reasons.Copy !req
135. Yeah, well... where have you
been all this time?Copy !req
136. It's a very complicated story.Copy !req
137. Let's just enjoy this moment.Copy !req
138. Mom, there's something
you should know about me.Copy !req
139. I almost always
spoil the moment.Copy !req
140. I'm sorry.Copy !req
141. That's okay, darling.Copy !req
142. It wasn't your fault.Copy !req
143. Hey, everybody, I got
a big surprise for you.Copy !req
144. Presenting... my mother!Copy !req
145. Your mother?
That's Grandma Simpson?Copy !req
146. Can you believe it?Copy !req
147. I thought she was dead.Copy !req
148. Hello.Copy !req
149. This is so weird.Copy !req
150. It's like something
out of DickensCopy !req
151. or Melrose Place.Copy !req
152. Where have you been, Granny?Copy !req
153. Did they freeze
you or something?Copy !req
154. My, such clever grandchildren.Copy !req
155. So full of questions
and bright, shiny eyes.Copy !req
156. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
157. I finally have a mother-in-law.Copy !req
158. No more living vicariously
through my girlfriends.Copy !req
159. Hey.Copy !req
160. Since you were a no-showCopy !req
161. at all the big
moments of my life,Copy !req
162. you owe me years
of back presents.Copy !req
163. Christmases, birthdays, Easters,
Kwanzas, good report cards...Copy !req
164. 75 bucks a pop
plus interest and penalties...Copy !req
165. You owe me $22,000.Copy !req
166. I'll Kwanza you!Copy !req
167. Gaa! Gaa!Copy !req
168. Homer, don't be so hard
on little...Copy !req
169. What is his name?Copy !req
170. This is my room.Copy !req
171. This is my dresser.Copy !req
172. It's where I keep my shirts
when I'm not wearing them.Copy !req
173. Yes, right in the drawers.Copy !req
174. You remembered.Copy !req
175. I've missed moments
like this... Mom.Copy !req
176. I saw all your awards, Lisa.Copy !req
177. They're mighty impressive.Copy !req
178. I just keep them
out to bug Bart.Copy !req
179. Don't be bashful.Copy !req
180. When I was your age,
kids made fun of meCopy !req
181. because I read at
the ninth-grade level.Copy !req
182. Me too!Copy !req
183. Hey, Mom, look at me!Copy !req
184. Look at what I can do!Copy !req
185. I see you, Homer.Copy !req
186. That's very nice.Copy !req
187. Although I hardly consider
"A Separate Peace"Copy !req
188. the ninth-grade level.Copy !req
189. Yeah, more like preschool.Copy !req
190. I hate John Knowles.Copy !req
191. Me too.Copy !req
192. Mom, you're not looking!Copy !req
193. You know, Lisa,
I feel like I haveCopy !req
194. an instant rapport with you.Copy !req
195. You didn't dumb it down.Copy !req
196. You said "rapport."Copy !req
197. Got to run.
Grandma stuff.Copy !req
198. There. Now no one should
be able to hear us.Copy !req
199. What?Copy !req
200. All right, we don't
need the dryer.Copy !req
201. What?Copy !req
202. Just shut up and listen.Copy !req
203. There's something
fishy about Grandma.Copy !req
204. Whenever we ask her where
she's been all this timeCopy !req
205. she changes the subject.Copy !req
206. And just now when a
police car drove byCopy !req
207. she ran into the house.Copy !req
208. Yeah, I don't trust her, either.Copy !req
209. When I was going
through her purseCopy !req
210. look what I found.Copy !req
211. "Mona Simpson."Copy !req
212. "Mona Stevens."Copy !req
213. "Martha Stewart."Copy !req
214. "Penelope Olsen."Copy !req
215. "Muddy Mae Suggins."Copy !req
216. These are the calling cards
of a con artist.Copy !req
217. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
218. I'm so glad to have my Mom back.Copy !req
219. I never realized
how much I missed her.Copy !req
220. She's nice.Copy !req
221. But?Copy !req
222. I just don't think
you should get too excitedCopy !req
223. about the woman who
abandoned you for 25 years.Copy !req
224. You could get hurt again.Copy !req
225. First, it wasn't 25 years.Copy !req
226. It was 27 years.Copy !req
227. And second, she had
a very good reason.Copy !req
228. Which was?Copy !req
229. I don't know.Copy !req
230. I guess I was
just a horrible sonCopy !req
231. and no mother would want me.Copy !req
232. Homie.Copy !req
233. Come on, you're a sweet,
kind, loving man.Copy !req
234. I'm sure you were
a wonderful son.Copy !req
235. Then why did she leave me?Copy !req
236. Let's find out.Copy !req
237. Mother Simpson,
we'd like to ask youCopy !req
238. a few questions about your past.Copy !req
239. Can't reminisce.
Sleeping.Copy !req
240. Spill it, Muddy Mae,
or we're calling the cops.Copy !req
241. Please don't.Copy !req
242. Alright, then we'll call
your husband... Grampa.Copy !req
243. No! I'll talk.Copy !req
244. I'll tell you everything.Copy !req
245. I've wanted to tell you.Copy !req
246. It all started in the '60s.Copy !req
247. Take out wrenched ankle.Copy !req
248. Mom! Mom! Mom!Copy !req
249. My little Homie Bear.Copy !req
250. Time for bed.Copy !req
251. Sing me my bedtime song, Mom.Copy !req
252. Darn tootin'.Copy !req
253. Here's the tricky part.Copy !req
254. Abe, isn't Homer cute?Copy !req
255. Probably. I'm trying
to watch the Super Bowl.Copy !req
256. If people don't support this thing,
it might not make it.Copy !req
257. Joe Willie Namath
swaggering off the fieldCopy !req
258. his sideburns an apogee
of sculpted sartorium.Copy !req
259. The foppish follicles pioneered
by Ambrose BurnsideCopy !req
260. Appomattox, 1865.Copy !req
261. His wild, untamed facial hairCopy !req
262. revealed a new world
of rebellion, of changeCopy !req
263. a world where doors were
open for women like me.Copy !req
264. But Abe was stuck
in his button-downCopy !req
265. plastic-fantastic
Madison Avenue scene.Copy !req
266. Look at them sideburns.Copy !req
267. He looks like a girl.Copy !req
268. Now, Johnny Unitas...
There's a haircutCopy !req
269. you could set your watch to.Copy !req
270. So Mother Simpson,
where did your newfound senseCopy !req
271. of irresponsibility take you?Copy !req
272. I soon found people
who shared my viewsCopy !req
273. at the state college.Copy !req
274. Anthrax, gangrene, swimmer's earCopy !req
275. get your germ lab out of here.Copy !req
276. How could I not become a radicalCopy !req
277. when we were fightingCopy !req
278. a force of pure evil?Copy !req
279. Hey, hey, Mr. BurnsCopy !req
280. enough already with the germs.Copy !req
281. Their flower power is
no match for my glower power.Copy !req
282. Ooh!Copy !req
283. That's some
nice glowering, Mr. B.Copy !req
284. We'd met the enemy
and it was Montgomery Burns.Copy !req
285. Drastic action had
to be taken to stopCopy !req
286. his war machine.Copy !req
287. I put Homer to bed, Abe,
and now I'm going out.Copy !req
288. It could be a late night.Copy !req
289. I'm meeting my destiny.Copy !req
290. So long.Copy !req
291. When this baby goes offCopy !req
292. Burns' lab is going
to be history, man.Copy !req
293. Germ history!Copy !req
294. Man, I got the munchies.Copy !req
295. No! No!Copy !req
296. Wait a minute.Copy !req
297. Bronchial tubes clearing.Copy !req
298. Asthma disappearing.Copy !req
299. Acne... remains.Copy !req
300. But asthma disappearing.Copy !req
301. My germs.Copy !req
302. My precious germs.Copy !req
303. They never harmed a soul.Copy !req
304. They never even had a chance.Copy !req
305. Whoever did thisCopy !req
306. will never get past me!Copy !req
307. You poor man.Copy !req
308. Let me help you up.Copy !req
309. YouCopy !req
310. just made a very big mistake.Copy !req
311. You'll spend the rest
of your life in pri...Copy !req
312. My asthma's gone.Copy !req
313. Listen to me breathe.Copy !req
314. Wah!Copy !req
315. Wah!Copy !req
316. From that moment onCopy !req
317. my life as I knew it was over.Copy !req
318. Only one memberCopy !req
319. of the Springfield Seven
was identified.Copy !req
320. She's been described as a womanCopy !req
321. in her early 30sCopy !req
322. yellow complexion
and may be extremely helpful.Copy !req
323. For Channel Six News,
I'm Kenny Brockelstein.Copy !req
324. Homer?Copy !req
325. I'll miss you, Homer.Copy !req
326. I thought I dreamed that kiss.Copy !req
327. I'm so sorry
I misjudged you, Mom.Copy !req
328. You had to leave
to protect your family.Copy !req
329. How did you survive?Copy !req
330. I had help from
my friends in the underground.Copy !req
331. Jerry Rubin gave me a jobCopy !req
332. marketing his line
of health shakes.Copy !req
333. I proofread Bobby
Seale's cookbookCopy !req
334. and I ran credit checksCopy !req
335. at Tom Hayden's
Porsche dealership.Copy !req
336. Wait a minute.Copy !req
337. There's one thing
I don't understand.Copy !req
338. In all those years, why didn't
you ever try to contact me?Copy !req
339. But I did.Copy !req
340. I sent you a care package
every week.Copy !req
341. Aw come on, Mom.
We use that same lineCopy !req
342. on the kids
when they're at camp.Copy !req
343. But I did. I really did.Copy !req
344. I'll prove it to you.Copy !req
345. Any undelivered mail
for Homer J. Simpson?Copy !req
346. No... wait. This.Copy !req
347. That's what happensCopy !req
348. when you don't tip your
letter carrier at Christmas.Copy !req
349. Yes, I'd like to send
this letterCopy !req
350. to the Prussian consulate
in Siam by aeromail.Copy !req
351. Am I too late
for the 4:30 auto-gyro?Copy !req
352. I better look in the manual.Copy !req
353. The ignorance.Copy !req
354. Wait a minute.Copy !req
355. I know that woman.Copy !req
356. But from when,Copy !req
357. and in what capacity?Copy !req
358. It's her.Copy !req
359. At last.Copy !req
360. This book must be out of date.Copy !req
361. I don't see Prussia,
Siam or auto-gyro.Copy !req
362. Well, keep looking.Copy !req
363. Are you sure this is the woman
you saw in the Post Office?Copy !req
364. Absolutely.Copy !req
365. Who could forget
such a monstrous visage?Copy !req
366. She has the sloping browCopy !req
367. and cranial bumpage
of the career criminal.Copy !req
368. Sir, phrenology was dismissedCopy !req
369. as quackery 160 years ago.Copy !req
370. Of course, you'd say thatCopy !req
371. You have the brainpan
of a stagecoach tilter.Copy !req
372. At any rate, the F.B.I.
will track downCopy !req
373. this mystery woman
and put her behind bars.Copy !req
374. How does it happen, Joe?Copy !req
375. How does what happen?Copy !req
376. How does a sweet young ladyCopy !req
377. mortgage her future for
a bunch of scraggly idealsCopy !req
378. and greasy-haired promises?Copy !req
379. Maybe she thought the war on
southeast Asia was so immoralCopy !req
380. her end justified the means.Copy !req
381. Gee, Joe, you haven't
been the sameCopy !req
382. since your son went
crazy in Vietnam.Copy !req
383. It's a pain that never ends.Copy !req
384. Seven!Copy !req
385. No, Dad, it's
a rhetorical question.Copy !req
386. Rhetorical?Copy !req
387. Eight.Copy !req
388. Dad, do you even know
what "rhetorical" means?Copy !req
389. Do I know what
"rhetorical" means?Copy !req
390. Quick, Grandma, hide!Copy !req
391. No door is going to keep me
from my meddlin'.Copy !req
392. Stand up straight, Bart.Copy !req
393. Abe?Copy !req
394. What the...Copy !req
395. Now, here's a piece of bad news.Copy !req
396. Abe.
You've aged terribly.Copy !req
397. What do you expect?Copy !req
398. You left me to raise
the boy on my own.Copy !req
399. I had to leave, but you didn't
have to tell Homer I was dead!Copy !req
400. It was either that or tell himCopy !req
401. his mother was
a wanted criminal.Copy !req
402. You were a rotten wifeCopy !req
403. and I'll never,
ever forgive you.Copy !req
404. Can we have sex?
Please?Copy !req
405. Abe.Copy !req
406. Well, I tried.
What's for supper?Copy !req
407. Yeah, I might have seen her.
It's hard to tellCopy !req
408. from this old picture, you know?Copy !req
409. Well, according to our
computer-aging programCopy !req
410. she should look about...Copy !req
411. 25 years older.Copy !req
412. Yeah, I seen her.Copy !req
413. That is to say, I saw her.Copy !req
414. Look at me, Grandma.
I'm a hippie.Copy !req
415. Peace, man. Groovy.Copy !req
416. Bomb Vietnam!Copy !req
417. Four more years!
Up with people!Copy !req
418. You know, Grandma, I used
to think maybe I was adopted.Copy !req
419. I couldn't understand how I fit
into this family.Copy !req
420. Now that I met youCopy !req
421. I suddenly make a lot of sense.Copy !req
422. I'm so glad to see
the spirit of the '60sCopy !req
423. is still alive in you kids.Copy !req
424. Yup, I saw her.Copy !req
425. That is to say, I seen her.Copy !req
426. She seemed like a nice lady.Copy !req
427. Well, that "nice lady"Copy !req
428. set the cause of biological
warfare back 30 years.Copy !req
429. We're only now
finally caught up.Copy !req
430. Two more ladies come by
earlier that day.Copy !req
431. One was real pretty.Copy !req
432. T'other, sort of plain.Copy !req
433. Ma'am, we're going to need
your assistanceCopy !req
434. in locating this individual.Copy !req
435. You're fresh.Copy !req
436. Don't you want to play
"good cop, bad cop"?Copy !req
437. Ma'am, we're all good cops.Copy !req
438. I had no intention
of playing the good cop.Copy !req
439. Ew.Copy !req
440. Look, we know
you bought the tombstone.Copy !req
441. We know the fugitive
visited that tombstone.Copy !req
442. Whose tombstone was it?Copy !req
443. Just lift up
your coffee cups and see.Copy !req
444. Good Lord.Copy !req
445. Put out an A.P.B.
On a "Uosdwis R. Dewoh."Copy !req
446. Better start with Greektown.Copy !req
447. That's Homer J. Simpson,
Chief.Copy !req
448. You're reading it upside down.Copy !req
449. Cancel that A.P.B.Copy !req
450. But bring back some
of them, gyros.Copy !req
451. Chief, you're talking
into your wallet.Copy !req
452. Grandma, have you ever thoughtCopy !req
453. about moving back
to Springfield?Copy !req
454. You could live
with Grampa again.Copy !req
455. I'm a living joke.Copy !req
456. You know, Lisa...Copy !req
457. It might be nice
to rest for a while.Copy !req
458. Mom?Copy !req
459. There's nothing to be
alarmed about,Copy !req
460. but could you take one
last look at the familyCopy !req
461. and join me in the kitchen?Copy !req
462. I've been waiting 25 years
for this moment.Copy !req
463. I'm sorry, sir.
I must have taped over that.Copy !req
464. Freeze.Copy !req
465. F.B.I.
The jig is up.Copy !req
466. All right, I admit it!Copy !req
467. I am the Lindbergh baby.Copy !req
468. Wah-wah. Goo, goo.Copy !req
469. I miss my fly-fly da-da.Copy !req
470. Are you trying to stall us,
or are you just senile?Copy !req
471. A little from column "a,"
a little from column "b."Copy !req
472. Sir...Copy !req
473. she's gone.Copy !req
474. We made it, Homer.Copy !req
475. It's all thanks
to our anonymous tipster.Copy !req
476. But who are you
and why did you tip us off?Copy !req
477. Well, it's 'cause of your
old lady that I got ridCopy !req
478. of the asthma that was
keeping me out of the academy.Copy !req
479. Thanks.Copy !req
480. Sure. Just think of me
as an anonymous friendCopy !req
481. who rose through the ranks
of the Springfield PoliceCopy !req
482. to become Chief Clancy Wig...Copy !req
483. Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak.Copy !req
484. Well, there's my ride.Copy !req
485. The underground awaits.Copy !req
486. At least this time
I'm awake for your good-bye.Copy !req
487. Homer.Copy !req
488. whatever happens,Copy !req
489. you have a motherCopy !req
490. and she's truly proud of you.Copy !req
491. Hurry up, man.Copy !req
492. This electric van only has
20 minutes of juice left.Copy !req
493. Don't forget me.Copy !req
494. Don't worry, Homer.Copy !req
495. You'll always be a part of me.Copy !req
496. D'Copy !req
497. Shh!Copy !req
498. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.Copy !req