1. D'Copy !req
2. Wow.Copy !req
3. You know, most of my life,Copy !req
4. I've had to live with the shameCopy !req
5. of being a screw-up.Copy !req
6. But now, as I stand here
with the awardCopy !req
7. for the district's
safest bus driver...Copy !req
8. well, it...
it's like a dream come true.Copy !req
9. Otto, wake up!Copy !req
10. So, um... who's good
at keeping secrets?Copy !req
11. "Dear parents,Copy !req
12. "Due to yesterday's
unscheduled field tripCopy !req
13. "to the auto wrecking yard,Copy !req
14. "the school bus will be
out of commission for two weeks.Copy !req
15. "By reading
this letter out loud,Copy !req
16. "you have waived any legal
responsibility on our partCopy !req
17. "in perpetuity
throughout the universe."Copy !req
18. Well, we'll have
to organize a car pool.Copy !req
19. Hey! Every day will be
like a road tripCopy !req
20. with your dad to school!Copy !req
21. So...Copy !req
22. How about those
rainbow suspenders?Copy !req
23. Dad?Copy !req
24. Pretty cool way to keep
your pants up?Copy !req
25. - Dad.
- I see these kids nowCopy !req
26. with "jive" printed
on their shirts.Copy !req
27. Now, I can teach youCopy !req
28. how you're supposed
to say "jive."Copy !req
29. Dad. Please just
drive the car, Dad.Copy !req
30. I'm watching the road, sweetie.Copy !req
31. You jive turkey.Copy !req
32. See? You got to sass it.Copy !req
33. Quit jivin' me, turkey.Copy !req
34. You got to sass it.Copy !req
35. A "turkey" is a bad person.Copy !req
36. K-F-S-L... Fossil 103.Copy !req
37. Classic hits from Abba
to Zeppelin, comma, Led.Copy !req
38. Tell him.Copy !req
39. Mr. Simpson, sir?Copy !req
40. Can you please change
the radio station?Copy !req
41. But this is Grand Funk Railroad.Copy !req
42. You guys back there
know Grand Funk, right?Copy !req
43. Nobody knows the band
Grand Funk?Copy !req
44. The wild shirtless lyrics
of Mark Farner?Copy !req
45. The bong-rattling bass
of Mel Schacher?Copy !req
46. The competent drum work
of Don Brewer?Copy !req
47. Man!Copy !req
48. For more information
on Grand Funk,Copy !req
49. consult your school library.Copy !req
50. When I listen to
a really good song,Copy !req
51. I start nodding my headCopy !req
52. like I'm saying
"yes" to every beat.Copy !req
53. Yes! Yes! Yes!
This rocks!Copy !req
54. And then sometimes
I switch it up like...Copy !req
55. No! No! No!
Don't stop a-rockin'!Copy !req
56. Dad, please.
You're embarrassing us.Copy !req
57. No, I'm not.Copy !req
58. I'm teaching you
about rock music. Now...Copy !req
59. Grand Funk Railroad paved the way
for Jefferson AirplaneCopy !req
60. which cleared the way
for Jefferson Starship.Copy !req
61. The stage was now set for
the Alan Parsons Project,Copy !req
62. which I believe was
some sort of hovercraft.Copy !req
63. Dad! No one cares about any
of your stupid dinosaur bands!Copy !req
64. You have the worst,
lamest taste in music ever.Copy !req
65. I'm just trying to
party with you guys.Copy !req
66. Homer, first of all,
it's "par-tay,"Copy !req
67. and second, we wouldn't
par-tay with youCopy !req
68. if you were
the last dad on Earth.Copy !req
69. Hi, there.Copy !req
70. It's been a while
since I set footCopy !req
71. in Good Vibrations Music.Copy !req
72. Where can I find the latest
releases by Bread?Copy !req
73. - Oldies.
- Oldies?Copy !req
74. But you've got
all the top bands in here.Copy !req
75. Styx? I just heard them on
"The King Biscuit Flour Hour."Copy !req
76. Now, here are some
of your no-name bands.Copy !req
77. Sonic Youth?Copy !req
78. Nine Inch Nails?Copy !req
79. Hullabalooza?Copy !req
80. Hullabalooza is
a music festival...Copy !req
81. The greatest music festival
of all time.Copy !req
82. There can only be one
truly great music festivalCopy !req
83. a lifetime and it's
the "US Festival."Copy !req
84. - The what festival?
- The "US Festival"! Jeez!Copy !req
85. It was sponsored by the guy
from Apple Computers.Copy !req
86. What computers?Copy !req
87. Well, why do you need new bands?Copy !req
88. Everyone knows rock
attained perfection in 1974.Copy !req
89. It's a scientific fact.Copy !req
90. Quadraphonic sound, a waterbed,Copy !req
91. and now a strobe light.Copy !req
92. Gentlemen, say helloCopy !req
93. to the Second-Base Mobile.Copy !req
94. Wicked!Copy !req
95. Back then, we didn't
care what anyone thought,Copy !req
96. and the chicks
found that irresistible.Copy !req
97. I think you're cool,
Homer Simpson.Copy !req
98. Sandra, that was mean.Copy !req
99. But most of all,
I remember the music.Copy !req
100. What the hell are you two doing?Copy !req
101. It's called "rockin' out."Copy !req
102. You wouldn't understand, Dad.Copy !req
103. You're not with it.Copy !req
104. I used to be with itCopy !req
105. but then they changed
what "it" was.Copy !req
106. Now, what I'm with isn't it,Copy !req
107. and what's "it" seems
weird and scary to me.Copy !req
108. It'll happen to you.Copy !req
109. No way, man.Copy !req
110. We're going to
keep on rocking forever.Copy !req
111. Forever, forever, forever...Copy !req
112. forever... forever...Copy !req
113. What's wrong, Homey?Copy !req
114. I went to the record store todayCopy !req
115. and they were playing
all this music I never heard of.Copy !req
116. It was like the store
had gone crazy.Copy !req
117. Record stores have
always seemed crazy to meCopy !req
118. but it doesn't upset me.Copy !req
119. Music is none of my business.Copy !req
120. That's fine for you, MargeCopy !req
121. but I used to
rock 'n' roll all nightCopy !req
122. and party every day.Copy !req
123. Then it was every other day.Copy !req
124. Now, I'm lucky if I can
find half an hour a weekCopy !req
125. in which to get funky.Copy !req
126. I've got to get out of this rutCopy !req
127. and back into the groove.Copy !req
128. Well, good.Copy !req
129. Try to include Bart and Lisa.Copy !req
130. Dear Lord, if you keep Homer
from embarrassing us todayCopy !req
131. we promise to build several
churches in your honor.Copy !req
132. Bart, no!Copy !req
133. Hey, wait!Copy !req
134. I'm okay today.Copy !req
135. My Mom bought me deodorant.Copy !req
136. Dad, you forgot
to pick up Milhouse.Copy !req
137. I did?Copy !req
138. I must be getting
forgetful in my old age.Copy !req
139. Open the glove compartmentCopy !req
140. and fetch me my brain medicine.Copy !req
141. What are you talking about?Copy !req
142. Well?Copy !req
143. What have we here?Copy !req
144. Looks like your uncool Dad
scored ticketsCopy !req
145. to Hullabalooza!Copy !req
146. Bart, these look real.Copy !req
147. Check the authenticator spot.Copy !req
148. This is an authentic
Hullabalooza ticket.Copy !req
149. For authentic refreshment,
eat Clark bars.Copy !req
150. And for totally outrageous
class rings, it's Josten's.Copy !req
151. Go, Josten's!Copy !req
152. You're not going
to school today.Copy !req
153. Today, your classroom will beCopy !req
154. the Capitol City Amphitheater.Copy !req
155. Your teacher...
Four dozen rock bands.Copy !req
156. So get ready for some
well-supervised crazinessCopy !req
157. while you rock out
with your father.Copy !req
158. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
159. Wow. It's like WoodstockCopy !req
160. only with advertisements
everywhereCopy !req
161. and tons of security guards.Copy !req
162. People, have your tickets out.Copy !req
163. Throw your cameras out.Copy !req
164. Surrender all identification.Copy !req
165. My homemade Kahlua.Copy !req
166. Generation "X" may be shallow,Copy !req
167. but at least they have
tolerance and respectCopy !req
168. for all people.Copy !req
169. Hey, a freak show.Copy !req
170. Aah!Copy !req
171. Thank you. Thank you very much.Copy !req
172. And now the band
you've all been waiting for...Copy !req
173. Cypress Hill!Copy !req
174. - Yeah!
- Before we start,Copy !req
175. we have a lost child here.Copy !req
176. If she's not claimed
within the next hour,Copy !req
177. she will become property
of Blockbuster Entertainment.Copy !req
178. What is that smell?Copy !req
179. It smells like Otto's jacket.Copy !req
180. - Dude, karma.
- What?Copy !req
181. Karma. Karma.Copy !req
182. I get it.Copy !req
183. Dad, you cannot wear that.Copy !req
184. That's a Rastafarian hat.Copy !req
185. Hey, I've been safari-ing
since before you were born.Copy !req
186. Wearing a Jamaican hat
makes a bold statementCopy !req
187. about your connection
to reggae music.Copy !req
188. Well, excuse me!Copy !req
189. You know what, Dad?Copy !req
190. Maybe we'll go exploringCopy !req
191. on our own for a while.Copy !req
192. Well, Homer, this is it.Copy !req
193. Time to get back
with the people...Copy !req
194. The young people.Copy !req
195. All right! Yeah!Copy !req
196. Cool concert, am I right?Copy !req
197. - Yeah, nice try, narc.
- Where's a narc?Copy !req
198. - Who?
- That fat Jamaican guy.Copy !req
199. What'd I say?
What's goin' on?Copy !req
200. Hey, we're just trying
to have a good time, narc.Copy !req
201. Why do you want to destroy us?Copy !req
202. Don't commit your
hate crimes here.Copy !req
203. Hate crime!Copy !req
204. Okay, I'm heading out now.Copy !req
205. More butt support.Copy !req
206. More butt support.Copy !req
207. D'Copy !req
208. but this music is really
getting to the crowd.Copy !req
209. Making teenagers depressedCopy !req
210. is like shooting fish
in a barrel.Copy !req
211. Makes no sense.Copy !req
212. I haven't changed
since high school,Copy !req
213. and suddenly I'm uncool.Copy !req
214. I've been kicked
out of paradise.Copy !req
215. I'll never be part of the scene again.Copy !req
216. Aw, man. There goes
Peter Frampton's big finale.Copy !req
217. He's going to be pissed off.Copy !req
218. You're damn right,
I'm going to be pissed off.Copy !req
219. I bought that pig
at Pink Floyd's yard sale.Copy !req
220. Dad, are you okay?Copy !req
221. I'm fine.Copy !req
222. Sir, I run
Hullabalooza's PageantCopy !req
223. of the Transmundane...Copy !req
224. The freak show.Copy !req
225. And I've been looking
for a big fatsoCopy !req
226. to shoot with a cannon.Copy !req
227. I'd like very much
for you to be that fatso.Copy !req
228. So, you want to go on tourCopy !req
229. with a traveling freak show.Copy !req
230. I don't think I have
a choice, Marge.Copy !req
231. - Of course, you have a choice.
- How do you figure?Copy !req
232. You don't have to join
a freak showCopy !req
233. just because the opportunity
came along.Copy !req
234. You know, Marge, in some ways
you and I are very different people.Copy !req
235. And now, get ready for the manCopy !req
236. with the iron stomach!Copy !req
237. Hi, everybody.Copy !req
238. Is everybody...Copy !req
239. good?Copy !req
240. Thank you.Copy !req
241. Thank you very much.Copy !req
242. "Stay in school.Copy !req
243. Your hero, Homer."Copy !req
244. Hey, Cannonball,
I like your statement.Copy !req
245. When life takes a cheap shot at you,
you stand your ground.Copy !req
246. Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.Copy !req
247. Homer Simpson, smiling politely.Copy !req
248. You know, my kids
think you're the greatest.Copy !req
249. And thanks to your gloomy music,Copy !req
250. they've finally stopped dreamingCopy !req
251. of a future I can't
possibly provide.Copy !req
252. Well, we try to make
a difference.Copy !req
253. "Dear Bart and Lisa..."Copy !req
254. All is well on tourCopy !req
255. with America's most popular
alternative music festival.Copy !req
256. Our first job is to entertain.Copy !req
257. And I like to think sometimes
we get a message across as well.Copy !req
258. But the main thing is,Copy !req
259. I've finally tapped into that
spirit of self-destructionCopy !req
260. that makes rock 'n' roll
the king of music.Copy !req
261. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
262. Hello, ticket holders!Copy !req
263. Here comes that cannonball guy.Copy !req
264. He's cool.Copy !req
265. Are you being sarcastic, dude?Copy !req
266. I don't even know anymore.Copy !req
267. Thank you!Copy !req
268. And remember!Copy !req
269. Don't trust anyone over 30!Copy !req
270. And now, Peter Frampton!Copy !req
271. Thanks, Homer.Copy !req
272. Homer Simpson, everyone!Copy !req
273. Hey, Homer, looks
like our next stopCopy !req
274. is your hometown, Springfield.Copy !req
275. Is it true that we have
to bring our own water?Copy !req
276. We got a little rule back home.Copy !req
277. If it's brown, drink it down.Copy !req
278. If it's black, send it back.Copy !req
279. The hometown show's
the big one, Homer.Copy !req
280. Yeah. People who called
you a weirdo in high schoolCopy !req
281. get to see what a successful
freak you've become.Copy !req
282. Hey, I wasn't a weirdo.Copy !req
283. I was in the audio-visual club.Copy !req
284. Really? Me too.Copy !req
285. But I got kicked outCopy !req
286. 'cause of my views on Vietnam.Copy !req
287. Also, I was stealing projectors.Copy !req
288. Anyway...Copy !req
289. get ready, beer belly.Copy !req
290. We're going to show SpringfieldCopy !req
291. what we're made of.Copy !req
292. All right, Homer!
Yeah!Copy !req
293. That was odd.Copy !req
294. Gee, I don't like
the sound of that.Copy !req
295. No biggie. I'm cool.Copy !req
296. Homer, nothing's more
important to meCopy !req
297. than the health and
well-being of my freaks.Copy !req
298. I'm sending you to a vet.Copy !req
299. My, God.
Those cannonballsCopy !req
300. have practically demolished
your stomach.Copy !req
301. From now on, no cannonballs,
no spicy foods.Copy !req
302. And when you lie in a hammock,Copy !req
303. please, rest your
beer on your headCopy !req
304. or your genitals.Copy !req
305. Rules. I'm a rocker.Copy !req
306. I don't care for rules.Copy !req
307. Mr. Simpson,
this is serious.Copy !req
308. If you take one more
cannonball to the gut,Copy !req
309. you will die.Copy !req
310. Die?Copy !req
311. Well, you don't scare me, Doc,Copy !req
312. 'cause dying would be
a stone groove.Copy !req
313. Got any messages
for Jimi Hendrix?Copy !req
314. Yes. Pick up your puppy.Copy !req
315. So, what's it like
being famous, Dad?Copy !req
316. People know your
name, but you don't know theirs.Copy !req
317. It's great.Copy !req
318. Dad, do you wear boxers
or briefs?Copy !req
319. - Nope.
- What religion are you?Copy !req
320. You know, the one with
all the well-meaning rulesCopy !req
321. that don't work out
in real life.Copy !req
322. Christianity.Copy !req
323. What's with all the questions?Copy !req
324. Just some report
I gotta do for school.Copy !req
325. Hey, you want some pie?Copy !req
326. Sure. We got a lot
of catching up to do.Copy !req
327. Clear the way, clear the way.Copy !req
328. Performer coming through.Copy !req
329. This is so exciting.Copy !req
330. Last time I got to go backstageCopy !req
331. was when Bart ripped his pants
at the Christmas play.Copy !req
332. - Mom!
- Ha-ha!Copy !req
333. Hello, bands. Who is playing with
the London Symphony Orchestra?Copy !req
334. Come on, people. Somebody ordered
the London Symphony Orchestra...Copy !req
335. Possibly while high.Copy !req
336. Cypress Hill,
I'm looking in your direction.Copy !req
337. Hey, man, did we
order a orchestra?Copy !req
338. What's up with this orchestra?Copy !req
339. Where'd the orchestra come from?Copy !req
340. I don't know, man.Copy !req
341. They didn't tell me
about this, man.Copy !req
342. We got to do something.Copy !req
343. Yeah, yeah, we think we did.Copy !req
344. Do you know
"Insane in the Brain"?Copy !req
345. We mostly know classical,Copy !req
346. but we could give it a shot.Copy !req
347. Now this, I like.Copy !req
348. Man. That guy's guitar
is talking.Copy !req
349. Hey, my shoes are talking too.Copy !req
350. Don't worry.Copy !req
351. We won't hurt you.Copy !req
352. We only want to have some fun.Copy !req
353. And to think, Smithers,Copy !req
354. you laughed when I
bought Ticketmaster.Copy !req
355. "Nobody's going to pay
a 100% service charge."Copy !req
356. Well, it's a policy that
ensures a healthy mixCopy !req
357. of the rich
and the ignorant, sir.Copy !req
358. Springfield, yeah!Copy !req
359. Do you... Wait, what's this?Copy !req
360. Come on.Copy !req
361. Do you feel!Copy !req
362. God. Homer Simpson wrecks
my pig,Copy !req
363. Cypress Hill steals
my orchestra,Copy !req
364. and Sonic Youth's in my cooler!Copy !req
365. Get out of there, you kids!Copy !req
366. Aw, come on, Mr. Frampton.Copy !req
367. You're not going to eat
all that watermelon.Copy !req
368. Please.
I'm trying to perform.Copy !req
369. Go ahead.Copy !req
370. We'll stay here and
guard your cooler.Copy !req
371. 25 years I've been in this.Copy !req
372. I've never heard
anything like...Copy !req
373. And now, Springfield,Copy !req
374. this is the moment
that you've been waiting for.Copy !req
375. The man who embodies everything
about rock 'n roll, except the music...Copy !req
376. Give it up for your
very own homegrown hero...Copy !req
377. Homer Simpson!Copy !req
378. I used to carpool with that guy.Copy !req
379. This is heavy.Copy !req
380. Okay, Homer,
don't fear the reaper.Copy !req
381. I'm going to die.Copy !req
382. Cannons are designed to hurt.Copy !req
383. They're designed to hurt.Copy !req
384. Shh! Mom, Dad needs our support.Copy !req
385. You're the coolest Dad alive.Copy !req
386. Marge, I thought I hadCopy !req
387. an appetite for destruction,Copy !req
388. but all I wanted was
a club sandwich.Copy !req
389. There might be one
in this cooler.Copy !req
390. Here we go.Copy !req
391. Aw, man. Homer wussed out.Copy !req
392. I'm so disillusioned.Copy !req
393. Hey, Hullabalooza
isn't about freaks.Copy !req
394. It's about music and advertisingCopy !req
395. and youth-oriented
product positioning.Copy !req
396. That and getting toasted...
Nicely toasted.Copy !req
397. Homer, I'm sorry.Copy !req
398. There's nothing worse
than a yellow-bellied freak,Copy !req
399. unless that's his act.Copy !req
400. I expect your letter
of resignation on my desk.Copy !req
401. - You have a desk?
- No, I mean, the hood of my car.Copy !req
402. I'll miss you, Pumpkins, but I just
can't share your bleak world view.Copy !req
403. I've got too much to live for.Copy !req
404. We envy you, Homer.
All we have is our music,Copy !req
405. our legions of fans,
our millions of dollars,Copy !req
406. and our youth.Copy !req
407. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
408. Let's all go out
and buy fur coats!Copy !req
409. I want a walk-in humidor.Copy !req
410. So, I realized that
being with my familyCopy !req
411. is more important
than being cool.Copy !req
412. Dad, what you just said
was powerfully uncool.Copy !req
413. You know what the song says:Copy !req
414. "It's hip to be square."Copy !req
415. That song is so lame.Copy !req
416. So lame that it's... cool?Copy !req
417. - No.
- No.Copy !req
418. Am I cool, kids?Copy !req
419. - No.
- No.Copy !req
420. Good. I'm glad.Copy !req
421. And that's what makes me cool...
Not caring, right?Copy !req
422. - No.
- No.Copy !req
423. Well, how the hell
do you be cool?Copy !req
424. I feel like we've tried
everything here.Copy !req
425. Wait, Marge.
Maybe if you're truly cool,Copy !req
426. you don't need
to be told you're cool.Copy !req
427. Well, sure you do.Copy !req
428. How else would you know?Copy !req
429. Shh!Copy !req
430. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.Copy !req