1. D'Copy !req
2. Aw, all these new
superheroes suck.Copy !req
3. None of them can hold a candleCopy !req
4. to Radioactive Man.Copy !req
5. The only decent new one
is Radiation Dude.Copy !req
6. Naw, he's just a cheap imitation
of Radioactive Man.Copy !req
7. Explain.Copy !req
8. The similarities
are subtle but many.Copy !req
9. For example, Radioactive Man
has his famous catchphraseCopy !req
10. "Up and atom!"Copy !req
11. with "atom" spelled a-t-o-m
in a delicious pun.Copy !req
12. Go on.Copy !req
13. While Radiation DudeCopy !req
14. has a similar
but lamer catchphrase,Copy !req
15. "Up and let's go."Copy !req
16. So you kids fancy
yourselves experts?Copy !req
17. Well, between us,
we've read all 814 issuesCopy !req
18. of Radioactive Man.Copy !req
19. Yeah, and we both
have the specialCopy !req
20. limited edition issueCopy !req
21. where he and fallout boy
get killed on every page!Copy !req
22. Well, I suppose you know then
that Hollywood is planningCopy !req
23. a feature film
about Radioactive Man.Copy !req
24. I have got to do somethingCopy !req
25. about that air
conditioner suction.Copy !req
26. Who's going to play
Radioactive Man?Copy !req
27. I will tell you
in exactly seven minutes.Copy !req
28. Okay, here we are.Copy !req
29. "Alt-dot-nerd-dot-obsessive.Copy !req
30. "Need know starCopy !req
31. RM pic."Copy !req
32. I don't see why
Rainier WolfcastleCopy !req
33. should be the star.Copy !req
34. I think we should
bring back Dirk Richter.Copy !req
35. Kids will want to see
the original Radioactive Man.Copy !req
36. I keep telling you...Copy !req
37. He's 73 years old,
and he's dead.Copy !req
38. Granted, but...Copy !req
39. Besides, we want to stay
as far awayCopy !req
40. from the campy '70s
version as possible.Copy !req
41. Billowing backpacks,
Radioactive Man!Copy !req
42. It's the worst villain
of them all!Copy !req
43. The Scoutmaster!Copy !req
44. I see him, Fallout Boy.Copy !req
45. Go get them, scouts.Copy !req
46. Don't be afraid to use
your nails, boys.Copy !req
47. So, where could we
shoot this picture?Copy !req
48. We need a city that has
a nuclear reactor and a gorge,Copy !req
49. and can guarantee us
the full corporationCopy !req
50. of city officials.Copy !req
51. I'll check Variety.Copy !req
52. Wow!
Look at that ad!Copy !req
53. All right,
this place must be hot.Copy !req
54. They don't need a big ad
or even correct spelling.Copy !req
55. I agree with that logic.Copy !req
56. Get me two plane ticketsCopy !req
57. to the state
that Springfield is in.Copy !req
58. All right, we have
$30 million to spend.Copy !req
59. We'll blow up our dams,
destroy forests, anything.Copy !req
60. If there's a species of animal
that's causing you problems,Copy !req
61. nosing around your camera,Copy !req
62. we'll have it wiped out!Copy !req
63. Look, we just want
to make movies,Copy !req
64. not kill things.Copy !req
65. Right.
We understand.Copy !req
66. Students,
I have an announcement.Copy !req
67. One of your favorite comic
book heroes, Radio Man...Copy !req
68. Radioactive Man, stupid!Copy !req
69. Strange, I shouldn't have
been able to hear that.Copy !req
70. Anyway, a Hollywood studio
has decided to filmCopy !req
71. the Radioactive Man movie
here in Springfield.Copy !req
72. And they will be holding
auditionsCopy !req
73. to find a local youngster
to play Fallout Boy.Copy !req
74. And the air conditioner
will be fixed this afternoon.Copy !req
75. Look behind you,
Radioactive Man!Copy !req
76. The sun is exploding again!Copy !req
77. Bart, why are you
talking like that?Copy !req
78. Yeah, and who the hell
are you talking to?Copy !req
79. Marge, do you have
other men in this house?Copy !req
80. Radioactive men?Copy !req
81. I'm practicing
my Fallout Boy dialogue.Copy !req
82. If I get this role,
I could finally come to termsCopy !req
83. with this funny little muddle
called Bart.Copy !req
84. Everyone is talking aboutCopy !req
85. Radioactive ManCopy !req
86. y'all.Copy !req
87. Wow! You mean,
you were oneCopy !req
88. of the original Little Rascals?Copy !req
89. Yeah.Copy !req
90. Which one were you?
The ugly one?Copy !req
91. Were you the ugly one?Copy !req
92. No. I was the tough kid,
Smelly.Copy !req
93. My shtick was looking into
an exhaust pipeCopy !req
94. and getting a face full of soot.Copy !req
95. Nobody could do that
better than me.Copy !req
96. Of course, it was kind of
hard to think of reasonsCopy !req
97. for me to look in that
exhaust pipe every timeCopy !req
98. but, you know,
we had good writers.Copy !req
99. William Faulkner
could write an exhaust pipe gagCopy !req
100. that would really
make you think.Copy !req
101. If you were such a big shot,Copy !req
102. why aren't you
still making movies?Copy !req
103. Moe?Copy !req
104. Moe?Copy !req
105. No.
My favorite aggie.Copy !req
106. You stole my bit!Copy !req
107. That's my bit!Copy !req
108. Ooh, ooh, you stole my bit!Copy !req
109. Cut!
My God!Copy !req
110. He's killed
the original Alfalfa!Copy !req
111. Yeah. Luckily, Alfalfa
was an orphanCopy !req
112. owned by the studio.Copy !req
113. - I see.
- Yeah, that makes sense.Copy !req
114. With wealthy Hollywood
people on the wayCopy !req
115. local merchants can be forgivenCopy !req
116. for raising their prices
a little.Copy !req
117. Watch out, Radioactive Man!Copy !req
118. Watch... out...
Radioactive Man.Copy !req
119. Watch out!Copy !req
120. Radioactive Man!Copy !req
121. Totally awesome.Copy !req
122. Thank you, thank you.
Thank you.Copy !req
123. It's all in the delivery.Copy !req
124. Now is the winter
of our discontent.Copy !req
125. No! Run!Copy !req
126. Wow!Copy !req
127. Mom... Don't make
me do this.Copy !req
128. I don't want to be an actor.Copy !req
129. Nonsense.Copy !req
130. You're going to be great.Copy !req
131. Now take off those glassesCopy !req
132. so they can see
your beautiful eyes.Copy !req
133. "At last the world is safe,Copy !req
134. Fallout Boy?"Copy !req
135. - "Watch ou..."
- Next.Copy !req
136. Ha ha!Copy !req
137. Hey, that hurts.Copy !req
138. No wonder no one came
to my birthday party.Copy !req
139. "At last the world is safe,
Fallout Boy?"Copy !req
140. What's for lunch tomorrow?Copy !req
141. - Next.
- Chicken necks?Copy !req
142. We're never going to find...
Wait a minute.Copy !req
143. That child has the exact
qualities we're looking for!Copy !req
144. He's perfect!
What is his name?Copy !req
145. I don't know. He just came along
with one of the others.Copy !req
146. He didn't sign up officially.Copy !req
147. Forget him then.Copy !req
148. It wouldn't be fair
to the other childrenCopy !req
149. who filled out their
application forms in full.Copy !req
150. Next!Copy !req
151. "At last the world is safe,
Fallout Boy?"Copy !req
152. Watch out, Radioactive Man!Copy !req
153. Brilliant reading. Again.Copy !req
154. Watch out, Radioactive Man!Copy !req
155. Fantastic! One more time.Copy !req
156. Watch out, Radioactive Man!Copy !req
157. Congratulations, Bart Simpson!Copy !req
158. You're our new Fallout Boy!Copy !req
159. That's what I'd be saying to youCopy !req
160. if you weren't
an inch too short.Copy !req
161. Next.Copy !req
162. I've got to grow
an inch by tomorrowCopy !req
163. or I won't get that part.Copy !req
164. Pull, you mighty stallions!Copy !req
165. Pull! Show me no mercy.Copy !req
166. I only grew half an inch.Copy !req
167. I'm still too short.Copy !req
168. Growing half an inch in one day
is still pretty good, Bart.Copy !req
169. Yeah, that's how fast
Grampa's shrinking.Copy !req
170. I'm as tall as I ever was.Copy !req
171. Is there any way
I can look tallerCopy !req
172. without actually being taller?Copy !req
173. Good news, gentlemen.Copy !req
174. I've grown that extra
inch you wanted,Copy !req
175. plus several feet more.Copy !req
176. We've found our new Fallout Boy!Copy !req
177. And he's right over there.Copy !req
178. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
179. meet America's new Fallout Boy.Copy !req
180. Out of the way.Copy !req
181. Milhouse, baby!Copy !req
182. Lionel Hutz, your
new agent, bodyguard,Copy !req
183. unauthorized biographer
and drug dealer...Copy !req
184. keeper-awayer.Copy !req
185. Leave me alone!Copy !req
186. Mom! Dad!Copy !req
187. Make them stop!Copy !req
188. What is all this stuff?Copy !req
189. We've heard
you've become a star.Copy !req
190. We decided we better start
living in the fast lane.Copy !req
191. What if I'm not a success?Copy !req
192. How will you pay for all this?Copy !req
193. I'm sorry,
I can't hear you, son.Copy !req
194. I'm wearing a jacuzzi suit.Copy !req
195. I just missed outCopy !req
196. on the greatest opportunity
of my entire life.Copy !req
197. George Burns was right.Copy !req
198. Show business is
a hideous bitch goddess.Copy !req
199. Cheer up, Bart.Copy !req
200. Milhouse is still going
to need a true friend.Copy !req
201. Someone to tell him he's great,
someone to rub lotion on himCopy !req
202. someone he can hurl
whiskey bottles atCopy !req
203. when he's feeling low.Copy !req
204. You're right, Lis.
I can suck up to himCopy !req
205. like the religious people
suck up to God.Copy !req
206. Guess what, kids?Copy !req
207. They're gonna pay us $50 a dayCopy !req
208. to film some of the movie here.Copy !req
209. We'll run that cable
through here.Copy !req
210. Careful, now.Copy !req
211. Hey...Copy !req
212. Didn't you direct
"Unnatural Discretion"?Copy !req
213. Well... yes, I did.Copy !req
214. Hoo-wee!Copy !req
215. Whoo!Copy !req
216. You know, I never
walk out of a movieCopy !req
217. but yech!Copy !req
218. I've got an idea,
Mr. Simpson...Copy !req
219. Why don't you get something
to eat from our food truck?Copy !req
220. Mr. Simpson?Copy !req
221. You've got to give me
the part of "Krispy the Klown."Copy !req
222. I'm sorry.
You're wrong for the part.Copy !req
223. But look at my range.Copy !req
224. I'm sorry. "Krispy the Klown"
has been castCopy !req
225. but I will hire you
for "Angry the Clown,"Copy !req
226. "Silly Sailor,"
and "Dr. Clowneous."Copy !req
227. I won't let you down.Copy !req
228. Well, I might let you down
on "Silly Sailor."Copy !req
229. Up and atom.Copy !req
230. Up and at them.Copy !req
231. Up and atom!Copy !req
232. Up and at them!Copy !req
233. Up and atom!Copy !req
234. Up and at them!Copy !req
235. Better.Copy !req
236. Hi, Milhouse.Copy !req
237. Hey, I want you to knowCopy !req
238. that I'm glad at least
one of us got the part.Copy !req
239. Milhouse!Copy !req
240. I didn't do it.
I wished him well.Copy !req
241. I wished him well!Copy !req
242. The stupid dummy wasn't
supposed to explode yet.Copy !req
243. There's the real Milhouse.Copy !req
244. Milhouse!Copy !req
245. Hey! You're not Milhouse.Copy !req
246. No, I'm just Milhouse
when he gets hurt.Copy !req
247. Okay, let's get
the real Milhouse over hereCopy !req
248. under the X-ray truck.Copy !req
249. Hi, Bart.Copy !req
250. Hey, cool, Milhouse.Copy !req
251. You get to be crushed
by a truck.Copy !req
252. It sounds like more fun
than it really is.Copy !req
253. Hey! I think I'm lying
on a broken bottle.Copy !req
254. Beautiful! Use it.Copy !req
255. Okay, Fallout Boy
origin scene... Take one.Copy !req
256. Action!Copy !req
257. Up and at them.Copy !req
258. Thanks for the help,
mysterious stranger.Copy !req
259. Say, I think those X-rays
gave me super powers.Copy !req
260. And, cut!Copy !req
261. That was perfect.
Let's do it again.Copy !req
262. These aren't
real x-rays, are they?Copy !req
263. Good question!
We'll check into that.Copy !req
264. Okay, X-ray machine
to full powerCopy !req
265. and... Action!Copy !req
266. Sir, why don't you
just use real cows?Copy !req
267. Cows don't look
like cows on film.Copy !req
268. You got to use horses.Copy !req
269. What do you do
if you want somethingCopy !req
270. that looks like a horse?Copy !req
271. Usually we just tape a
bunch of cats together.Copy !req
272. You guys work on the movie?Copy !req
273. You saying we're not working?Copy !req
274. I always wanted
to be a teamster.Copy !req
275. So lazy and surly.Copy !req
276. Mind if I relax next to you?Copy !req
277. Here he comes.Copy !req
278. What is it now, Quimby?Copy !req
279. Nothing, nothing, only
the city has just passedCopy !req
280. another tax
on puffy directing pants.Copy !req
281. But I don't wear puffy pants.Copy !req
282. I meant a tax on
not wearing puffy pants.Copy !req
283. - Oy!
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
284. Wow! You really got it
made now, Milhouse.Copy !req
285. This is living.Copy !req
286. Is it, Bart?Copy !req
287. Is it really?Copy !req
288. Yeah.Copy !req
289. Ever since I became a movie starCopy !req
290. I've been miserable.Copy !req
291. I had to get up
at 5:00 a.m. just for makeup.Copy !req
292. I like the way the blush
brings out my cheekbonesCopy !req
293. but it's not worth it.Copy !req
294. And making movies
is so horribly repetitive.Copy !req
295. I've said "Jiminy jillikers"
so many timesCopy !req
296. the words have lost all meaning.Copy !req
297. We've got to do the "Jiminy jillikers"
scene again, Milhouse.Copy !req
298. But we already did it.Copy !req
299. It took seven hours,
but we did it.Copy !req
300. It's done.Copy !req
301. Yes, but we've got to do it
from different anglesCopy !req
302. again and againCopy !req
303. and again and again and again.Copy !req
304. Yeah...Copy !req
305. I can't believe Silly Sailor
beat us both upCopy !req
306. and imprisoned us
in his floating aqua world.Copy !req
307. Jiminy jillikers!Copy !req
308. Tut-tut, now.Copy !req
309. There's no need
for profanity, Fallout Boy.Copy !req
310. Everyone in town has been
gouging us sillyCopy !req
311. but it's worth it.Copy !req
312. It's all up there on the screen.Copy !req
313. Yes. That Milhouse
is going to be big.Copy !req
314. Gabby Hayes big!Copy !req
315. Okay, listen up, everybody.Copy !req
316. This is the hardest,
most expensive scene in the movie,Copy !req
317. and we only get one shot at it,
so we have to do it right.Copy !req
318. Fallout Boy will untie
Radioactive ManCopy !req
319. and pull him to safety
moments before he's hitCopy !req
320. with a 40-foot wall
of sulfuric acidCopy !req
321. that will horribly burn
everything in it's path.Copy !req
322. Now, that's real acid, so
I want to see goggles, people.Copy !req
323. Real acid?Copy !req
324. Okay, roll film...Copy !req
325. tip the acid vats...Copy !req
326. and action!Copy !req
327. Only Fallout Boy
can save me now.Copy !req
328. Where's Fallout Boy?Copy !req
329. Fallout Boy!Copy !req
330. My eyes!Copy !req
331. The goggles do nothing!Copy !req
332. Ooh!Copy !req
333. Where in the hell is Milhouse?Copy !req
334. That one shot cost us
a million dollars.Copy !req
335. Where's the producer?Copy !req
336. I want to talk
about this coffee.Copy !req
337. Milhouse!Copy !req
338. Milhouse!Copy !req
339. - Milhouse!
- Milhouse!Copy !req
340. Milhouse!Copy !req
341. Thanks to modern
editing techniques,Copy !req
342. we can use existing footage
to complete the filmCopy !req
343. without Milhouse.Copy !req
344. Watch.Copy !req
345. It looks like we're
in trouble, Fallout Boy.Copy !req
346. Jiminy jillikers,
Radioactive Man.Copy !req
347. We'll have to fight our way out.Copy !req
348. Are you ready?Copy !req
349. Yes.Copy !req
350. Seamless?Copy !req
351. - You're fired.
- And with good cause.Copy !req
352. Go!Copy !req
353. Okay. We can all
stop worrying now.Copy !req
354. These dogs never fail.Copy !req
355. But... will they
just find MilhouseCopy !req
356. or will they find him
and kill him?Copy !req
357. Well, they'll... When they
find him, they'll, um...Copy !req
358. Excuse me.Copy !req
359. You didn't answer me.
You just trailed off.Copy !req
360. Yeah.Copy !req
361. Yeah, I did kind of
trail off there, didn't I?Copy !req
362. I know Milhouse.Copy !req
363. I'll just check
all his old haunts.Copy !req
364. Have you seen Milhouse?Copy !req
365. No. Now, go away.Copy !req
366. We're racing for the titleCopy !req
367. of the champion of the universe.Copy !req
368. All right.Copy !req
369. Yo, Dr. S., have
you seen Milhouse today?Copy !req
370. No.Copy !req
371. Okay. Thanks.Copy !req
372. Wait. Did you knowCopy !req
373. that there's a
direct correlationCopy !req
374. between the decline
of SpirographCopy !req
375. and the rise in gang activity?Copy !req
376. - Think about it.
- I will.Copy !req
377. No, you won't.Copy !req
378. The only place left
is the tree house.Copy !req
379. Aha!Copy !req
380. Stay away from me, Bart.Copy !req
381. I mean it.
I'm not going back.Copy !req
382. I'm not cut out to be a star.Copy !req
383. But, Milhouse, being a starCopy !req
384. is every patriotic
American's dream.Copy !req
385. Not mine.Copy !req
386. It's a sham, Bart.Copy !req
387. You get up on that movie screen
pretending to be a heroCopy !req
388. but you're not.Copy !req
389. The real heroes are out there,
toiling day and nightCopy !req
390. on more important things.Copy !req
391. Television.Copy !req
392. No. Curing heart disease
and wiping out world hunger.Copy !req
393. But, Milhouse, they
haven't cured anything.Copy !req
394. Heart disease and world hunger
are still rampant.Copy !req
395. Those do-gooders are all
a bunch of pitiful losers,Copy !req
396. every last one of them.Copy !req
397. You want results, you have to goCopy !req
398. to the Schwarzeneggers,
the Stallones,Copy !req
399. and to a lesser extent,
the Van Dammes.Copy !req
400. Mickey Rooney!Copy !req
401. Hi, Milhouse.Copy !req
402. The studio sent me
to talk to youCopy !req
403. being a former child star myselfCopy !req
404. and the number-one
box office drawCopy !req
405. from 1939 through 1940.Copy !req
406. Wow, spanning two decades.Copy !req
407. How'd you find us?Copy !req
408. They tapped your
tree house phone.Copy !req
409. Milhouse, listen, you
can't quit this movie.Copy !req
410. I've seen your work.Copy !req
411. It's good, very, very good.Copy !req
412. Van Johnson good.Copy !req
413. I know I'm good.Copy !req
414. Movie stardom is just so hollow.Copy !req
415. Hollow?Copy !req
416. The only thing in
show business that's hollowCopy !req
417. is the music industry.Copy !req
418. Come on, Milhouse.Copy !req
419. You have to do this,
if not for yourselfCopy !req
420. then for the movie-going publicCopy !req
421. and for the foreign marketsCopy !req
422. that are more important
than ever nowadays,Copy !req
423. and finally,
for me, the Mickster.Copy !req
424. No.Copy !req
425. All right. I tried.Copy !req
426. Fortunately, we haveCopy !req
427. a perfectly good
Fallout Boy right here.Copy !req
428. Jiminy jillikers.
Jiminy jillikers.Copy !req
429. Jiminy jillikers.Copy !req
430. We're shutting down production.Copy !req
431. Yeah. Well, we only
have $1,000 left, anyway.Copy !req
432. There's a $1,000
leaving-town tax.Copy !req
433. Well, I hope
you're all satisfied.Copy !req
434. You bankrupted a bunch
of naive movie folks.Copy !req
435. Folks from Hollywood,
where values are different.Copy !req
436. They weren't thinking
about the money.Copy !req
437. They just wanted
to tell a story,Copy !req
438. a story about a radioactive manCopy !req
439. and you slick small-townersCopy !req
440. took them for all
they were worth.Copy !req
441. Should we give them
some of their money back?Copy !req
442. No.Copy !req
443. Hurry, Mr. Rooney.Copy !req
444. We've got
a disenchanted little girlCopy !req
445. in a Jell-O pudding commercial.Copy !req
446. I could play that.Copy !req
447. So, Milhouse, it
must be a little toughCopy !req
448. giving up all that glamourCopy !req
449. and coming back to school?Copy !req
450. Quiet. Maybe I
can get my citizenship.Copy !req
451. We know you don't have
any more money leftCopy !req
452. but that doesn't matter.Copy !req
453. Just take whatever you need
from our boutiquesCopy !req
454. until you can get back
on your feet.Copy !req
455. Thank God we're back
in HollywoodCopy !req
456. where people treat
each other right.Copy !req
457. Shh!Copy !req
458. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.Copy !req