1. The Simpsons
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2. D'oh!
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3. Oh, my God!
The Mad magazine special edition.
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4. They only put out 17 of these a year!
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5. Boy, they're really sockin' it to that Spiro Agnew
guy again. He must work there or something.
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6. - Let's do the fold-in.
- Okay.
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7. "What higher power
do TV evangelists worship?"
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8. - I'll say God.
- I'll sayJesus.
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9. - "The almighty dollar"?
- You fold it, you bought it.
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10. Whoo! "Snappy answers
to stupid questions. "
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11. I'm great at these. Ask me
if something smells funny in here, boy.
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12. - Does something smell funny in here?
- I don't think so, stupid.
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13. - Homie, you want pork chops?
- No, I want roast beef, you clod!
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14. Look at this. Special insert:
"Iron-on madness.
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15. Ban the bath.
Don't trust anyone over 10.
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16. Sock it to me!"
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17. Those magazines
create a dangerous amount of laughter.
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18. "The 'all-ighty ollar"'?
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19. I get it.
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20. Say, business stinks tonight.
Where's Barney, Lenny and Carl?
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21. They never come around anymore now
that they got their mistresses.
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22. Might as well close the dump.
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23. - I am gonna drink you under the table.
- No.
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24. I am going to drink you under the-
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25. Well, you're closin'. It's gettin' late.
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26. My kids are probably wondering
where their daddy is.
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27. There's gotta be some other place
we can go. Think, Moe! Think!
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28. Sorry. It's league night.
I couldn't give a lane to my own mother.
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29. I have no son.
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30. Man, you go through life,
you try to be nice to people...
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31. you struggle to resist the urge
to punch 'em in the face, and for what?
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32. For some pimply little puke that treats ya
like dirt unless you're on a team.
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33. Well, I'm better than dirt.
Well, most kinds of dirt.
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34. I mean, not that fancy, store-bought dirt.
That stuff's loaded with nutrients.
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35. I can't compete with that stuff.
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36. That I cannot bowl wreaks havoc with
my self-esteem as well, but who am I to complain?
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37. Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe
league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!
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38. Hey, we can be a team.
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39. Excuse me, but my team
is ready to bowl.
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40. - You're short one person.
- Uh...
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41. that long-haired freak's
bowled with us for years.
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42. I don't care if it takes me all night.
I'm gonna get me that lobster harmonica.
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43. Come on, lobstie. Whoo.
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44. - Oh, okay. Then I just need your $500 registration fee.
- $500!
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45. Oh, no problem. Would you take
an out-of-state, two-party, bad check?
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46. No, I will not
pay you $500 for sex.
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47. Aw, come on, Marge. You're getting something
in return, and I'm getting a bowling team.
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48. - It's win-win.
- It's sick...
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49. and I don't have that kind
of money to spend on sex.
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50. Maybe you could get someone with money
to sponsor your team, like Mr. Burns.
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51. Burns never gives money to anybody.
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52. - Just last week, I asked him for $1,500.
- For what?
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53. Oh, I gotta
get the third degree from you too?
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54. - Tonight's homework assignment is-
- Oh, man, is it hot in here.
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55. I'd better take off my sweater.
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56. "Down with"-
"homework"?
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57. - Don't look at it, children.
- His shirt makes a good point.
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58. I'm with the shirt!
Homework rots!
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59. Down with homework!
Down with homework!
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60. Mmm.
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61. As I was saying, my yearly evaluation
couldn't have come at a better time.
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62. Well, Seymour, I must say,
for once, I am impressed.
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63. In fact, I am going
to give this school a perfect 10.
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64. I'll just write the zero first.
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65. Now a vertical line
to indicate the one.
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66. Down with homework!
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67. Skinner, why are there children
walking on my head?
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68. So, we meet again,
Mad magazine.
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69. - How do you know it's from Mad?
- The year was 1968.
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70. We were on recon
in a steaming Mekong delta.
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71. An overheated private removed
his flak jacket, revealing a T-shirt...
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72. with an iron-on sporting
the Mad slogan "up with miniskirts. "
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73. Well, we all had a good laugh,
even though I didn't quite understand it.
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74. But our momentary lapse of concentration
allowed Charlie to get the drop on us.
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75. I spent the next three years
in a P.O.W. camp...
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76. forced to subsist on a thin stew
made of fish, vegetables...
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77. prawns, coconut milk
and four kinds of rice.
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78. I came close to madness
trying to find it here in the States...
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79. but they just can't
get the spices right.
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80. - Uh, my punishment?
- Hmm? Oh, I'm gonna have to think about that.
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81. Meanwhile, wear this home.
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82. No-o-o.
I need some more ether.
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83. I can still feel
the movement of the emery board.
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84. - We're fresh out, sir. I'll get some more.
- Leave the rag.
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85. Mmm.
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86. Uh, excuse me, Mr. Burns.
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87. Pop 'n' Fresh,
you glutinous little dough boy!
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88. There's something
I've wanted to do to you for years.
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89. Ow.
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90. Mr. Burns,
I was wondering if you'd like...
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91. to sponsor my bowling team
for $500.
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92. Why, certainly, Pop 'n' Fresh.
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93. I owe my robust physique to your tubes
of triple-bleached goo.
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94. Whoo-hoo! Hey, everybody, if you wanna
ask Burns for a favor, now's the time!
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95. He's doped up
or dyin' or somethin'!
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96. Uh, excuse me.
I'd like to request $17...
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97. for a push broom rebristling.
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98. Why, it's that delightful TV leprechaun!
I'm going to get your Lucky Charms.
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99. Oh, no. My brains.
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100. Hey, nice, quote,
uniforms, end quote.
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101. This just in. A new addition
to our worst-dressed list: those guys!
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102. Oh, forget this.
I am far too fragile...
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103. to withstand an evening
of barbs like that.
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104. Oh, come on. If we quit now, we'll never
know how badly they're gonna beat us.
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105. Yeah, you're right. That's the kind
of thing that would haunt ya.
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106. - Hey!
- Sí.
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107. Buenas noches, senoritas.!
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108. What did he say? What did he say?
Was that about me?
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109. Okay, Otto. Pressure's on.
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110. Don't choke. Don't choke.
Don't choke. Don't... choke.
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111. Oh, man!
I knew I was gonna choke.
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112. - That's a funny-lookin' strike.
- Come on, guys.
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113. Let's be the team
that supports each other.
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114. You can do it, Otto!
You can do it, Otto!
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115. Help each other out!
That'll be our motto!
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116. You can do it, Otto!
You can do it, Otto!
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117. Make this spare,
I give you free gelato!
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118. Then back to my place,
where I will get you blotto!
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119. - Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.
- You can do it, Otto! You can do it-
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120. Guys, I made the spare.
We won.
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121. Yes! Yeah! All right!
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122. Those beers
are five dollars apiece.
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123. - Let me set the scene for you, Marge.
- All right.
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124. - It's a 7-10 split, the hardest shot in bowling.
- Uh-huh.
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125. It was all up to me,
so I got up all my courage.
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126. Right away,
my lips started to move...
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127. and I came up with a chant
that won the match!
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128. - Who knocked down the pins?
- I don't know. You know, some guy. Otto, I guess.
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129. - Good for him.
- Yes, but, Marge, you're missing the point.
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130. The individual doesn't matter.
It was a team effort.
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131. And I was the one who came up
with the whole team idea.
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132. - Me.
- I can't believe Otto picked up a 7-10 split.
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133. - He's phenomenal. Wow.
- But-
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134. Several days ago,
a violent riot erupted...
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135. incited by an inflammatory T-shirt slogan.
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136. No, no. Now, don't try to remember
what that slogan was.
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137. To ensure that this frenzied dance
of destruction is never repeated...
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138. I've decided, starting Monday,
all students will be required to wear uniforms.
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139. Huh? Uniforms?
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140. Say hello to our little genius, Martin,
who looks even smarter...
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141. in this vest and short pant combination
from Mr. Boy of Main Street.
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142. Or how about little Lisa Simpson?
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143. She'll have no reason to play the blues
in this snappy ensemble...
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144. topped off with a saucy French beret...
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145. that seems to scream "silence. "
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146. All right. Pick your size:
extra small or extra large.
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147. We've got both.
No pushing now. I-What?
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148. Oh, I've just been informed
we've run out of extra large.
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149. Go, Moe.! Go, Moe.!
Don't make Homer shout out, "D'oh.!"
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150. Yeah!
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151. Yea!
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152. All right, Snake.
Make us proud.
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153. One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
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154. Bye!
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155. Ah, we forfeit.
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156. We'll take it.
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157. There it is, boys:
the championship trophy.
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158. Whoo.
We will never possess it.
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159. The Holy Rollers
have won it five years in a row.
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160. They think they're so high and mighty...
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161. just 'cause they never
got caught drivin' without pants.
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162. God boy couldn't get a strike!
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163. It's me. Ned.
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164. Mom, my slingshot doesn't
fit in these pockets...
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165. and these shorts leave nothing
to the imagination.
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166. - These uniforms suck.
- Bart, where do you pick up words like that?
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167. Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck
last night. They just plain sucked.
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168. I've seen teams suck before, but they were
the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
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169. - Homer, watch your mouth!
- I gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening.
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170. - We are not wieners.
- Then what are you dressed like that for?
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171. - They made us.
- Oh. "They made us. "
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172. That's loser talk. You gotta start acting
more like me and my team...
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173. the future league champions
of the world.
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174. Nothing's gonna stop us now.
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175. Stop everything! I don't remember
writing a check for bowling.
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176. - Sir, that's a check for your boweling.
- Oh, yes. That's very important.
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177. Yes, sir.
Remember that month you didn't do it?
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178. Yes, that was unpleasant for all concerned.
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179. Anyway, back to the checks.
Stop everything!
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180. - I don't remember writing a check for bowling.
- Hmm.
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181. The memo says,
"To my pal, Pop 'n' Fresh. "
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182. Oh, yes.
That greedy, grasping glob of chemicals.
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183. Probably one of your
ether-induced hallucinations, sir.
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184. I'll check the employee files to see
who could pull off such an impersonation.
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185. It was either Pops Freshenmeyer...
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186. or Homer Simpson.
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187. Simpson, eh? Let's shut down
this bowling scam right now.
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188. Come on, Homer. Come on, Homer.
Pretend this is baseball and hit us a homer.
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189. You rolled it. You rolled it.
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190. By the way, rhyming "Homer"
with "Homer"-
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191. Look at them, Smithers,
enjoying their embezzlement.
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192. I have a much uglier word
for it, sir: misappropriation.
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193. Simpson.!
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194. Listen here. I want to join your team.
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195. - You wanna join my what?
- You wanna what his team?
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196. I've had one
of my unpredictable changes of heart.
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197. Seeing these fine young athletes reveling
in the humiliation of a vanquished foe-
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198. I haven't felt this energized
since my last... boweling.
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199. Oh, man.
He'll blow our winning streak.
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200. Yeah. Call this
an unfair generalization if you must...
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201. but old people
are no good at everything.
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202. Look, guys,
it's not that simple. He's my boss.
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203. I'll tell you what.
I'll give him a shot, and if he stinks...
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204. it'll be easier to tell him no.
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205. Ooh-
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206. Welcome aboard!
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207. It wasn't any easier.
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208. Ah, these uniforms
are a godsend.
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209. Horseplay's down 40%.
Youthful exuberance has been cut in half.
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210. High spirits
are at an all-time low.
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211. - They've even begun blinking in unison.
- I love that sound.
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212. Now, children,
while you're having quiet time...
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213. I'm going to make sure
my desk is exactly parallel to the rear wall.
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214. Oh, there's something I used...
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215. to do in this situation,
but can't remember.
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216. Ha- ho?
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217. I can't believe I got
booted off the team for Mr. Businessman.
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218. I bet I'll get a little respect
once I get that Harvard diploma.
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219. Look at that. All the way
to the end with only one push.
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220. That's the third game
in a row he cost us, Homer.
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221. - Mamma mia.!
- Hoot, mon!
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222. - Yee-haw!
- Arr, me mateys. Arr.
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223. Whoo! They begged me
to join their team- begged me.
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224. Well, we certainly
got walloped tonight, eh, fellas?
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225. Well-
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226. Uh, Mr. Burns, next week
is the big championship game.
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227. Ah, yes,
that silly championship.
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228. The only ship worth a damn
is friendship.
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229. Look. Here comes the "friend ship"
sailing your way.
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230. Ooh, here.
Let me get that, friend.
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231. Oops. Lost a nail.
Well, that's leprosy for you.
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232. You're it.
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233. - Now you are the one who is it.
- Understood.
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234. Well, I've gotta hand it to you, Seymour.
These drab student coverings...
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235. have created the perfect
distraction-free environment...
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236. thus preparing the children for
permanent positions in tomorrow's mills...
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237. and processing facilities.
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238. Best of all, with less
than a minute to go before I leave...
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239. absolutely nothing has gone wrong.
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240. Well, it is starting to rain,
but I could hardly be blamed for that, can I?
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241. Yes. Very good.
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242. Wow!
Look at all the colors, man!
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243. Red, green, yellow, orange!
I remember all of these!
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244. I'm freaking out!
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245. Hey, something's
comin' back to me!
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246. - Down with homework!
- And down with uniforms.!
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247. Yea!
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248. Ow, ow, ow, ow! Skinner...
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249. why aren't these uniforms colorfast?
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250. I don't understand it. I got them
at the same place I buy Mother's dresses, and-
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251. - Good Lord! Mother's in the park!
- This I've gotta see.
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252. Oh, Marge, we were so close
to winning the championship.
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253. Now, thanks to Burns,
it's never gonna happen.
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254. And I spent so much time
building that trophy case.
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255. Homer, maybe Mr. Burns will bowl
a great game, and you will win your championship.
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256. So you're saying we're
definitely gonna win? Whoo-hoo!
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257. I won't need this anymore.
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258. Marge, someone broke the toilet.
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259. Don't worry about nothin', Homer.
I have a feeling...
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260. that Mr. Burns is gonna have
a little accident that might keep him...
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261. from bowlin' with us
tonight, heh, heh, heh.
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262. Smithers, I'm afraid
I won't be able to play tonight.
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263. My old gimpy knee
has gone akimbo again.
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264. - Take that!
- Ooh!
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265. Smithers, that precision assault popped it
back into place. Thank you, masked stranger!
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266. D'oh! He's gonna ruin everything!
All right. That's it, Homer.
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267. Either Burns goes,
or Moe goes.
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268. Yes, I am afraid that I am going
to have to make a similar threat...
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269. with my name in place
of Moe's name.
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270. So, who's ready to
kick some Christian keister?
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271. Oh, uh, Mr. Burns,
as team captain...
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272. it's my duty to inform you that-
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273. Ooh, I almost forgot!
I brought you all a little something.
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274. Aww, would you look at that?
The "Pin Pals. "
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275. At last, I finally have a garment
fine enough to be married in.
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276. I've always been wealthy, but this
is the first time I ever felt... rich.
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277. - Aww.
- Now, Homer, you were about to say something to me.
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278. - You're off the team.
- What?
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279. He's just ribbin' ya, Monty.
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280. Yes.
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281. - Had you going there.
- Guys.
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282. Hey, hey, hey!
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283. - Hallelujah.
- Hallelujah.!
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284. Aww.
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285. - Nice one, Homer.
- Thanks.
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286. Okay. The Holy Rollers are ahead by one pin...
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287. and we only
have one bowler left: Mr. Burns.
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288. Hmm?
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289. Well, next time, a few steps more
toward center, don't you think?
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290. Good-bye, trophy.
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291. Ooh. Whatever
I got ahold of is big.
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292. - Yes!
- Excellent.
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293. Yes!
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294. Whoo-hoo! We won! We won!
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295. - You mean, I won.
- But we were a team, sir.
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296. Oh, I'm afraid I've had one
of my trademark changes of heart.
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297. You see,
teamwork will only take you so far.
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298. Then the truly evolved person
makes that extra grab for personal glory.
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299. Now I must discard my teammates, much
like the boxer must shed roll after roll...
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300. of sweaty, useless, disgusting flab
before he can win the title.
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301. - Ta.
- I guess some people never change.
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302. Or they quickly change
and then quickly change back.
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303. You know what?
We don't need him or his trophy.
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304. - We got each other, huh?
- Yeah, yeah. That's right, Moe. Aww.
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305. - Go, Homer, you're our man!
If you can't do it, nobody can!
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306. Ooh!
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307. No! Oh, God!
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308. - Well, I guess no one can.
- Run, before they're through feeding!
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309. No.! Oh, God.!
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310. No.!
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311. Shh!
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