1. Hello once again.
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2. As usual, I must warn you all
that this year's Halloween show
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3. is very, very scary,
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4. and those of you
with young children
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5. may want to send them
off to bed...
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6. My. It seems
the show is so scary
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7. that congress
won't even let us show it.
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8. Instead, they've suggested
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9. the 1947 classic
Glenn Ford movie
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10. "200 Miles to Oregon."
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11. There's nothing wrong
with your television set.
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12. Do not attempt
to adjust your picture.
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13. We are controlling
the transmission.
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14. What's that, boy?
We're in control?
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15. Hey, look... I can see my voice.
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16. Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub.
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17. This... is my voice...
on TV.
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18. Dad! You're ruining
the mood.
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19. Sorry.
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20. For the next half hour,
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21. we will control
what you see and hear.
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22. You are about to experience
the terror and foul horror
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23. of The Simpsons'
Halloween Special.
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24. Well, it was a long trip,
but we're almost there.
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25. Homer, did you remember to lock
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26. the front door of the house?
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27. D'
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28. Well, it's been two long trips
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29. but we're finally
almost there again.
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30. When you locked the front door,
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31. did you remember to lock
the back door?
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32. D'D'
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33. No!
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34. We left Grampa
back at the gas station.
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35. What about Grampa?
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36. - Hi. We're here.
- We made it.
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37. Goody. The sea monkeys
I ordered have arrived.
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38. Look at them cavort and caper.
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39. Sir, they're the new
winter caretakers for the lodge.
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40. Yes, they work hard
and they play hard.
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41. This house has quite a long
and colorful history.
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42. It was built on an ancient
Indian burial ground
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43. and was the setting of
satanic rituals, witch-burnings
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44. and five John Denver
Christmas specials.
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45. John Denver.
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46. That's odd.
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47. Usually the blood
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48. gets off at the second floor.
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49. Hey, I found a shortcut
through your hedge maze.
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50. Why, you little...
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51. No, go easy on the wee one.
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52. His father's gonna go crazy
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53. and chop them all into haggis.
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54. What's haggis?
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55. Boy, you read my thoughts.
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56. You've got the shinning.
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57. You mean "shining."
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58. Shh! You want to get sued?
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59. Now look, boy,
if your Dad goes gaga,
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60. you just use that shin
of yours to call me
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61. and I'll come a-running.
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62. But don't be reading my mind
between 4:00 and 5:00.
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63. That's Willie's time.
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64. Yes, by cutting off cable TV
and the beer supply,
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65. I can ensure an honest winter's
work out of those lowlifes.
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66. Sir, did you ever stop to think
that maybe it was doing this
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67. that caused the previous
caretakers to go insane
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68. and murder their families?
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69. Perhaps.
Tell you what:
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70. we come back and everyone's
slaughtered,
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71. I owe you a Coke.
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72. Cable's out.
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73. Think I'll have a beer.
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74. Not a drop in the house.
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75. What do you know?
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76. Homer, I'm impressed.
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77. You're taking this quite well.
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78. I'll kill you!
I'll kill all of you!
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79. - Homer!
- Sorry, sorry.
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80. Don't worry.
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81. There's plenty I can do
to keep myself occupied.
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82. Maybe I'll check out
that ax collection.
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83. See you later.
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84. Mom, is Dad going to kill us?
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85. We're just gonna have
to wait and see.
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86. So, what will it be, Homer?
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87. Moe! Give me a beer.
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88. No, not unless you
kill your family.
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89. Why should I kill my family?
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90. They'd be much
happier as ghosts.
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91. You don't look so happy.
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92. I'm happy!
I'm very happy.
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93. La-la-la-la-la. See?
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94. Now waste your family.
I'll give you a beer.
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95. Homer?
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96. Homey?
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97. What he's typed will be
a window into his madness.
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98. "Feelin' fine."
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99. Wow, that's a relief.
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100. Oooooh...
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101. This is less encouraging.
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102. Hello!
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103. So, what do you think, Marge?
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104. All I need is a title.
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105. I was thinking along the lines
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106. No TV and no beer make
Homer something something...
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107. Go crazy?
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108. Don't mind if I do.
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109. Stay away from me, Homer.
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110. Give me the bat, Marge.
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111. Give me the bat.
Give me the bat.
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112. Come on, give me the bat.
Give me the bat-bat-boo!
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113. Scaredy-cat.
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114. You stay here
till you're no longer insane.
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115. Chili would be good tonight.
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116. Homer, it's Moe.
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117. Look, some of the ghouls and I
are a little concerned
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118. the project isn't
moving forward.
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119. Can't murder now... eating.
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120. Aw, for crying out loud,
come on.
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121. No!
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122. Here's Johnny!
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123. D'
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124. David Letterman!
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125. Hi, David.
I'm Grampa.
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126. D'
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127. I'm Mike Wallace,
I'm Morley Safer
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128. and I'm Ed Bradley.
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129. All this and Andy Rooney
tonight on "60 Minutes."
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130. Hello, police?
This is Marge Simpson.
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131. My husband is on
a murderous rampage. Over.
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132. Well, thank God that's over.
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133. I was worried
there for a second.
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134. No answer.
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135. Don't worry, Mom.
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136. I can use my... shinning
to call Willie.
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137. And that was the first time
she'd ever flown a plane.
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138. The little fat boy
and his family are in trouble.
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139. I'm coming to rescue
the lot of you.
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140. All right, loony,
show me what you got.
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141. Is that the best you can do?
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142. My, I hope that rug
was Scotchgarded.
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143. Must kill family.
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144. The troops had been given rifles
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145. but no ammunition.
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146. Dad, look!
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147. Television!
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148. Teacher, mother, secret lover.
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149. Urge to kill fading...
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150. fading... fading.
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151. Rising. Fading.
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152. Fading.
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153. Gone.
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154. Come, family.
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155. Sit in the snow with Daddy
and let us all bask
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156. in television's warm,
glowing, warming glow.
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157. Live from Broadway
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158. it's the Tony Awards
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159. with your hosts
Tyne Daly and Hal Linden.
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160. Homer, change channel.
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161. Can't... frozen.
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162. Urge to kill rising.
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163. You know, Marge,
I've had my share of troubles,
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164. but sitting here now with you
and the kids in our cozy home
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165. in this beautiful, free country,
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166. it just makes me feel
that I'm really a lucky guy.
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167. Dad! Your hand is jammed
in the toaster!
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168. Get it off!
Get it off!
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169. Get this off of me!
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170. Ooh!
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171. Hoo!
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172. Dad! It's in there again!
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173. This shouldn't be
too hard to fix
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174. with the right tools.
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175. There.
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176. Better than new.
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177. Now to take her
for a test toast.
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178. What the...
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179. Look at that. I'm the first
non-Brazilian person
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180. to travel backwards
through time.
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181. Correction, Homer.
You're the second.
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182. That's right,
Mr. Peabody.
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183. Quiet, you.
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184. I've gone back to the time
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185. when dinosaurs weren't
just confined to zoos.
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186. Okay, don't panic.
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187. Remember the advice your father
gave you on your wedding day.
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188. If you ever travel back in time,
don't step on anything
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189. because even the tiniest change
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190. can alter the future
in ways you can't imagine.
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191. Fine. As long as I
stand perfectly still
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192. and don't touch anything,
I won't destroy the future.
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193. Stupid bug!
You go squish now.
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194. But that was just one little
insignificant mosquito.
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195. That can't change
the future, right?
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196. Right?
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197. I'm back.
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198. Aw, my loving family.
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199. Nothing's changed.
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200. Hidely-ho, slaverinos.
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201. Okely-dokely.
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202. Hey, what the hell is that
geek Flanders doing on TV?
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203. I see by the big board
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204. we got a negative Nellie
in sector two.
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205. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to
ask the whole family
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206. to kinda freeze and
prepare for re-neducation.
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207. Don't you remember, Dad?
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208. Flanders is the unquestioned
lord and master of the world.
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209. D'
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210. Okay, everybody,
let's see some big smiles.
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211. Just relax and let
the hooks do their work.
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212. What the hell
are you smiling at?
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213. Now, in case all that smiling
didn't cheer you up
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214. there's one thing
that never fails...
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215. A nice glass of warm milk,
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216. a little nap and
a total frontal lobotomy.
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217. It's not so bad, Homer.
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218. They go in through your nose
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219. and they let you keep
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220. the piece of brain they cut out.
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221. Look. Whoo, hello.
Hello there.
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222. Who's that big man there?
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223. Who's that?
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224. Join us, Father.
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225. It's bliss.
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226. No!
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227. No, they're gaining on me.
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228. Wait! I have an idea.
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229. These wieners will give me
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230. the quick energy
I need to escape.
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231. I got to go back.
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232. Fix future.
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233. This time I'm not gonna
touch a thing.
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234. Ooh! Ooh! Mustn't crush,
mustn't kill.
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235. Made it.
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236. I wish, I wish
I hadn't killed that fish.
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237. Hey, where is everybody?
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238. Hey, there's a bug
that looks like Dad.
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239. Let's kill it.
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240. Okay.
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241. Choo!
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242. This is gonna cost me.
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243. D'
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244. I mean, hey...
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245. Good morning, Father dear.
Hope you're well.
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246. Are we taking the new Lexus
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247. to Aunt Patty and Selma's
funeral today?
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248. Fabulous house,
well-behaved kids
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249. Sisters-in-law dead,
luxury sedan...
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250. Whoo-hoo! I hit the jackpot!
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251. Marge dear, would you
kindly pass me a doughnut?
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252. Doughnut? What's a doughnut?
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253. It's raining again.
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254. You're still not
in your own world, Homer.
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255. I can get you home,
but you have to do exactly as...
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256. This is indeed
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257. a disturbing universe.
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258. Don't touch anything?
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259. I'll touch whatever I feel like!
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260. Foolish Earthling.
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261. Totally unprepared
for the effects
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262. of time travel.
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263. What happened to us, Kodos?
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264. Quiet, you.
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265. Good morning, dear.
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266. What's my name?
What color is the sky?
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267. What of doughnuts? What?
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268. For the love of God, tell me!
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269. Homer, the sky is blue.
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270. Doughnuts are plentiful.
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271. Friday is
T.G.I.F. night on ABC.
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272. What's gotten into you?
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273. Nothing.
Nothing at all.
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274. Let's just eat.
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275. Close enough.
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276. Hey, everybody.
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277. Let's all turn
our desks backwards
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278. before Mrs. Krabappel shows up.
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279. - Yeah!
- Great idea.
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280. All right, backwards boy
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281. back your butt
down to detention.
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282. Over here, Simpson.
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283. The detention room
is dangerously overcrowded,
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284. so you'll be serving your time
in the cafeteria.
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285. Oxygen running out.
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286. Yes, you should have
thought of that
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287. before you made
that paper airplane.
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288. This overcrowding in detention
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289. is becoming critical.
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290. It's a powder keg
waiting to go off
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291. in an explosion of
unacceptable behavior.
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292. Don't bitch to me, boss man.
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293. Thanks to the latest
budget cuts,
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294. I'm down to using
grade "F" meat.
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295. Wouldn't it be wonderful
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296. if there was a common solution
to both our problems?
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297. That would be great.
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298. Hey, Bart, watch this.
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299. - Drats!
- No!
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300. My favorite outfit.
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301. Jimbo, this is by far
the worst...
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302. Jimbo, why don't you assist
lunch lady Doris in the kitchen?
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303. - Bite me, Skinner.
- Well, might we.
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304. It's hard for me
to clean this giant pot
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305. when you keep spilling
meat tenderizer all over me.
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306. Great. Now I got to work
in the dark.
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307. This sandwich tastes
so young and impudent.
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308. Seymour, what's
with the good grub?
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309. Well, perhaps I ought to
let you folks in on a secret.
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310. You remember me
telling Jimbo Jones
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311. that I'd make something of him
one day?
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312. Are you saying you killed Jimbo,
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313. processed his carcass
and served him for lunch?
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314. Ha!
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315. I wonder where Jimbo is today.
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316. He should have beaten us up
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317. for our lunch money an hour ago.
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318. Frau lunch lady.
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319. Please to have
another sloppy Jimbo.
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320. Das ist gut, nein?
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321. That's your third helping,
young man.
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322. It's making you fat and soft...
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323. and tender.
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324. You just cut
in line, didn't you?
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325. - Report to detention, Uter.
- For how long?
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326. About seven minutes
a pound should do it.
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327. Okay, I got your
German grub right here.
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328. Bart, does it strike you as odd
that Uter disappeared
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329. and suddenly they're serving us
this mysterious food
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330. called "Uterbraten"?
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331. Relax, kids.
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332. I've got a gut feeling
Uter's around here somewhere.
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333. After all, isn't there
a little Uter in all of us?
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334. In fact, you might even say
we just ate Uter
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335. and he's in our stomachs
right now.
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336. Wait. Scratch that one.
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337. Mom! You've got to help.
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338. They're cooking kids
in the school cafeteria.
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339. Listen kids. You're eight
and ten years old now.
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340. I can't be fighting all
your battles for you.
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341. - But, Mom...
- No "buts."
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342. You march right back
to that school
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343. look them in the eye
and say, "don't eat me."
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344. Okay.
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345. Since so many students have been
put on permanent detention...
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346. We've merged everyone
into a single class.
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347. I trust there are no objections.
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348. Detention.
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349. Psst! Hey, you guys.
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350. I was just thinking
that any of us could be next.
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351. So what do you say
we make a break for it?
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352. Easy there, young man.
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353. You'll only make yourself
tired and stringy.
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354. Now to check on
the free-range children.
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355. Hold on, kids!
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356. I'm coming to rescue
the lot of you.
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357. I'll...!
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358. I'm bad at this.
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359. I'm going to enjoy
devouring you, Bart Simpson.
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360. Yes, I believe I'll start,
as you've so often suggested
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361. by eating your shorts.
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362. Don't worry, guys.
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363. Something always
comes along to save us.
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364. Nevertheless, I remain confident
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365. that something will come along
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366. and save the two
Simpson children.
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367. Relax, honey.
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368. You were just having
a crazy nightmare.
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369. You're back with your family now
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370. where there's nothing
to be afraid of,
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371. except that fog
that turns people inside out.
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372. Huh?
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373. It's seeping in.
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374. Stupid, cheap weather stripping.
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375. Get off!
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376. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.
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