The Simpsons 6x4

Directed by Wes Archer

The family's trip to Itchy & Scratchy Land takes an unexpected turn when high-tech robots malfunction and become violent.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. D'

2. Thanks, kids.

3. Now we'd like to speak to you seriously for a moment.

4. Yup. This week is the grand opening

5. of Itchy & Scratchy Land...

6. The violentest place on Earth.

7. And to celebrate, for this week only

8. we're cutting ticket prices in half.

9. Yow!

10. Kids, you heard the cartoon rat.

11. If you haven't already run to your parents

12. begging to go, do it now.

13. You won't be missing anything funny.

14. I'll just be sitting here

15. reading this grown-ups' newspaper.

16. Go now!

17. Dad!

18. Remember how you said that going to

19. Itchy & Scratchy Land would be too damned expensive?

20. Everything's too damn expensive these days.

21. Look at this Bible I just got... 15 bucks.

22. And talk about a preachy book.

23. Everybody's a sinner, except for this guy.

24. But now Itchy & Scratchy Land

25. is cutting ticket prices in half.

26. Can we go, Dad? Can we, can we, can we?

27. - Take it, Lis. - Can we?

28. No, no, no, no, no. Ask your mother.

29. Yay!

30. Mom, guess what?

31. We're going to Itchy & Scratchy Land.

32. No.

33. I've already planned our vacation.

34. We're going to the Highway 9 Bird Sanctuary.

35. I understand they've installed a new bird feeder this year.

36. It's shaped like a diner

37. and it's on this really tall pole.

38. Mom, Dad, Bart's dead!

39. That's right...

40. Dead serious about going to Itchy & Scratchy Land.

41. You know,

42. Itchy & Scratchy Land isn't just for kids.

43. They have a place called Parents' Island.

44. "Yeah, dancing, bowling, fashionable shops

45. "over 100 bars and saloons

46. and a world-class chemical dependency center."

47. TV Town! Hammock Land!

48. Recipe-related bumper cars.

49. Yay!

50. Wait a minute.

51. I'm not sure about this.

52. Every time we've ever gone on vacation,

53. I end up being horribly embarrassed.

54. We end up in a big fight,

55. and we come home more miserable than when we left.

56. You have to promise me that

57. this isn't gonna happen this time.

58. Embarrassed? What are you talking about?

59. Well, there was our trip to the Amish Country.

60. Yes.

61. Hey look, Marge,

62. they're still not fighting back.

63. Hee-hee.

64. I can be a jerk and no one can stop me.

65. Hee-hee-hee...

66. Even worse was our trip to Sandy Beach.

67. Suckers.

68. Shark Boy!

69. This year I want us to do things together as a family

70. and get a lot of good exercise outdoors

71. so we'll have a lot of wonderful memories

72. of our vacation.

73. Don't worry, Mom.

74. We'll make you proud of us.

75. Lobster hat, fishnet Speedo Junior,

76. wheelie shoes, invisible dog leash.

77. Well, I'm packed.

78. And remember, every morning,

79. give one bowl of kibble to Santa's Little Helper.

80. Do you want me to write any of this down?

81. No. I ain't senile, dad-blasted!

82. - Okay, bye-bye. - Bye.

83. Bye, Grandpa!

84. Wait a minute.

85. What was that last thing you said?

86. Grandpa's little helper?

87. What's that?

88. Which one of you is the mailman?

89. Okay, let's make a pact.

90. This is gonna be the best vacation ever

91. or we'll all agree to disband and join other families.

92. Agreed.

93. The interstate.

94. Fasten your seat belts, kids.

95. We're on our way to Itchy & Scratchy Land!

96. D'

97. Don't worry.

98. I've got an ace up my sleeve.

99. Dad, can we stop at Flickey's?

100. No.

101. My God, what'll I do? What'll I do?

102. What's the matter with you, Homer?

103. We don't have any fruits or vegetables in the car.

104. The whole trunk's full of them, Marge.

105. You got any fruits or vegetables?

106. Hey. Mr. Wimbley, it happened again.

107. Now to absorb some local color

108. through the magic of A.M. radio.

109. The Book of Revelations

110. tells us to watch for the seven signs of evil...

111. sign of evil number four.

112. Continuing our "sign of evil" countdown

113. here's Vanessa Williams.

114. Aw, haven't we stood in five different states long enough?

115. No.

116. We better find a motel and stop for the night.

117. We don't need to do that, Marge.

118. I'm not tired. I'm not tired at all.

119. Ooh, glad that wasn't us.

120. North... south...

121. Nuts to this.

122. I'm going to take a shortcut.

123. Homer, no. You're going to get lost.

124. Trust me, Marge.

125. With today's modern cars, you can't get lost...

126. What, with all the silicon chips and such.

127. All right, we're here.

128. Let us never speak of the shortcut again.

129. Now remember, we're in the Itchy lot.

130. We're now approaching our final destination.

131. Itchy & Scratchy Land...

132. The amusement park of the future

133. where nothing can possi-blye go wrong.

134. Possibly go wrong.

135. That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.

136. One adult and four children.

137. Would you like to buy some Itchy & Scratchy Money?

138. - What's that? - It's money that's made just for the park.

139. It works just like regular money,

140. but it's, fun.

141. - Do it, Dad. - Well, okay, if it's fun.

142. Let's see...

143. I'll take $1,100 worth.

144. - Ha, cool! - Wow!

145. Neat-o!

146. Such a violent motif.

147. Yeah, but it's just pretend violence

148. which is actually beneficial for children.

149. Ow!

150. There's no need to murmur, ma'am.

151. Here at Itchy & Scratchy Land,

152. we're just as concerned about violence as you are.

153. That's why we're always careful to show the consequences

154. of deadly mayhem

155. so that we may educate as well as horrify.

156. When do you show the consequences?

157. On TV, that mouse pulled out that cat's lungs

158. and played them like a bagpipe.

159. But in the next scene, the cat was breathing comfortably.

160. Just like in real life.

161. Hey, look over there! Yoing!

162. I'll have a Brain Burger with extra pus, please?

163. - Bart! - Eyeball stew.

164. Homer, We just got here and already I'm mortified

165. beyond belief by your embarrassing behavior.

166. I was just ordering a cheeseburger, Mom.

167. They have violent names for everything here.

168. I see.

169. All right.

170. I'll have the Baby Guts.

171. Lady, you disgust me.

172. Mom, that's veal.

173. You're sure she'll have fun here?

174. Of course. Babies love the ball room.

175. "Torture Land."

176. "Explosion Land."

177. "Searing Gas Pain Land."

178. "Unnecessary Surgery Land."

179. Look!

180. It's the 12 noon robot parade.

181. Hurry up or we'll have to wait for the 12:05 parade.

182. Wow, this is so much like my dreams it's scary.

183. Aw, look at that cute little baby ax.

184. It's cute, but I'm sure it's very sharp

185. and probably dirty.

186. Dirty, maybe. Dangerous, hardly.

187. These are the latest

188. state-of-the-art animatronic robots.

189. They have sensors that ensure they only attack each other...

190. Never the guests.

191. See all that stuff in there, Homer?

192. That's why your robot never worked.

193. This is just what I was hoping for...

194. Spending the day together as a family.

195. Yay!

196. You know, part of spending time

197. together as a family

198. is spending time apart as individuals.

199. - Parents' Island? - Yeah-

200. I'm sure we'll appreciate each other all the more

201. when we meet up at dinner.

202. Are you kids gonna be all right?

203. Kids?

204. It is the '70s...

205. Right down to the smallest detail.

206. Hey, the bartender

207. even looks like John Travolta.

208. Yeah. Looks like.

209. Look at all this great stuff, Lis.

210. Cool... personalized plates.

211. "Barclay,"

212. "Barry,"

213. "Bert,"

214. "Bort"?

215. Aw, come on... Bort?

216. Mommy, Mommy! Buy me a license plate!

217. No. Come along, Bort.

218. Are you talking to me?

219. No. My son is also named Bort.

220. Who are all these characters?

221. Well, you're probably too young to remember

222. the short-lived "Itchy & Scratchy and Friends Hour."

223. They had to come up with some friends.

224. There's Disgruntled Goat

225. Uncle Ant, Ku Klux Klam.

226. Yeah.

227. They weren't very funny.

228. I don't know.

229. Disgruntled Goat had his moments.

230. Welcome to T.G.I. McScratchy's

231. where it's constantly New Year's Eve.

232. Here we go again!

233. Three, two, one...

234. Happy New Year!

235. It must be wonderful

236. to ring in the new year over and over and over.

237. Please, kill me.

238. The babies look unhappy.

239. Add more balls.

240. Roger Meyers, Sr.,

241. the gentle genius behind Itchy & Scratchy

242. loved and cared about almost all the peoples of the world,

243. and he, in return, was beloved by the world,

244. except in 1938 when he was criticized

245. for his controversial cartoon

246. "Nazi Supermen Are Our Superiors."

247. Among his proudest achievements

248. was the full-length musical

249. "Scratchtasia."

250. Hey Ma, I'm gonna get me a picture

251. of this crazy critter.

252. No flash photography, please.

253. Roger Meyer's next full-length feature

254. was the wildly successful "Pinnitchy-o."

255. Now you be a good, Pinnitchy-o

256. and don't you lie.

257. I promise I will never hurt you.

258. Ouch!

259. I wonder if this kind of violence

260. really does desensitize us.

261. Want to get a sno-cone?

262. Okay.

263. So, Mr. Itchy,

264. you think you're God's gift to women, do ya?

265. Don't do it, Bart.

266. I just wanted to entertain.

267. Can you believe

268. I keep getting away with this?

269. Officer?

270. Mop-and-bucket man to the exit of The Nauseator.

271. We have another jumper on the roof of T.G.I. McScratchy's.

272. We need more "Bort" license plates

273. in the gift shop.

274. I repeat, we are sold out of Bort license plates.

275. Aah!

276. I really wished they wouldn't scream.

277. Dad?

278. I kicked one of those

279. stupid Itchy characters in the butt.

280. Yeah. There's just no way to resist it, is there?

281. I want all five T-shirts to say "Best vacation ever."

282. Attention, Marge Simpson,

283. your son has been arrested.

284. I'd be terribly embarrassed

285. if I were that boy's mother.

286. Attention Marge Simpson. We've also arrested

287. your older, balder, fatter son.

288. I'm so embarrassed.

289. I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die.

290. Okay, throw her in the hole.

291. Please! It was just a figure of speech.

292. You've got to listen to me.

293. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots

294. will eventually turn against their masters

295. and run amok in an orgy of blood and kicking

296. and the biting with the metal teeth

297. and the hurting and shoving.

298. How much time do we have, Professor?

299. Well, according to my calculations,

300. the robots won't go berserk for at least 24 hours.

301. I forgot to carry the one.

302. I have nothing to say to you.

303. But Marge, I was a political prisoner.

304. How were you a political prisoner?

305. I kicked a giant mouse in the butt!

306. Do I have to draw you a diagram?

307. For gosh sakes, what now?

308. Hey, look.

309. This one's coming on to me.

310. Yoo-hoo!

311. Mr. Robot.

312. Dad, I think you're wrong about that robot

313. trying to be your friend.

314. Lisa, don't...

315. contradict... your... elders.

316. My hair!

317. You chopped off my hair.

318. God, I'm ugly.

319. I knew we should have gone to the bird sanctuary.

320. I need the biggest seed bell you have.

321. No, that's too big.

322. A chopper! We're saved.

323. Hey, you're the guys who didn't like our capering.

324. When you get to hell, tell them Itchy sent you.

325. My. It looks like we're doomed.

326. Back, you robots!

327. Nobody ruins my family vacation but me

328. and maybe the boy.

329. Dad! The flash must have scrambled their circuits.

330. What are you, the narrator?

331. Just keep taking pictures.

332. I'll get more cameras.

333. Smashy-smashy.

334. I don't approve of that.

335. Hey, mouse...

336. say cheese.

337. With a dry, cool wit like that

338. I could be an action hero.

339. Die, bad robots, die!

340. With a dry, cool wit like that I could be...

341. Who would have thought

342. that our visit to Itchy & Scratchy Land

343. would turn out to be our best vacation ever?

344. Yeah, best ever.

345. Are you two bonkers? We almost got killed.

346. Not to mention all the embarrassment I suffered.

347. But, Mom, it's exactly what you wanted in a vacation.

348. It brought us together as a family.

349. We got a lot of good exercise outdoors,

350. and we have so many memories.

351. You know you're right.

352. This truly was the best vacation ever.

353. Now let us never speak of it again.

354. As Roger Meyers, Jr., the owner of the park,

355. I'd like to thank you for stopping the killer robots,

356. and to show my appreciation, here are two free passes.

357. But there are five of us.

358. Here are two free passes.

359. That's better.

360. Man, if this is happening here,

361. I'd hate to think what's happening

362. in Euro Itchy & Scratchy Land.

363. Hello!

364. Itchy & Scratchy Land open for business.

365. Who are you to resist it?

366. Come on.

367. My last paycheck bounced.

368. My children need wine.

369. I hope you realize now

370. that violence on TV may be funny,

371. but it's not so funny

372. when that violence is happening to you.

373. But it would be funny to someone

374. who was watching us.

375. No, Mom, he's right.

376. Observe.

377. My.

378. Lisa, go to your room.

379. Shh!

380. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.