The Simpsons 6x3

Directed by David Silverman

Sara Gilbert as Laura Powers (voice) • Michelle Pfeiffer as Mindy Simmons (voice) • Kelsey Grammer as Sideshow Bob (voice) • Phil Hartman as Troy McClure (voice) • Jon Lovitz as Artie Ziff (voice)

After reading the weepy best-seller The Bridges of Madison County, Marge sits down with the family and recalls romantic moments, along with temptations from her bowling instructor Jacques and Homer's coworker Mindy.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. D'

2. This romance is so full of heartfelt passion.

3. I can really identify with this corn-fed heroine.

4. Homer, are you awake? This is important.

5. Give me some sign you're awake.

6. Wake up!

7. What's wrong?

8. House run away? Dog's on fire?

9. Homie, do you think that the romance

10. has gone out of our lives?

11. Wake up!

12. Marge, it's 3:00 a.m., and I worked all day.

13. It's 9:30 p.m., and you spent your whole Saturday

14. drinking beer in Maggie's kiddie pool.

15. There you are.

16. Thought you could get away?

17. Homer, young people learn about love from adults,

18. and we've been setting a terrible example

19. for our children and the community in general.

20. I want us to deal with the issues

21. raised by this book.

22. I knew we shouldn't have put a fireplace in the bedroom.

23. How many times can you laugh at that cat

24. getting hit by the moon?

25. It's a new episode.

26. Not exactly. They pieced it together from old shows

27. and it seems new to the trusting eyes

28. of impressionable youth.

29. Really?

30. Ren and Stimpy do it all the time.

31. Yes, they do, and when was the last time you heard anyone

32. talk about Ren and Stimpy?

33. Children, your father and I have fed you and clothed you,

34. but we've neglected something more important.

35. It's time to learn about love.

36. No need, Mom. We already learned in school.

37. This is Fuzzy Bunny.

38. About a year ago,

39. he noticed his voice was changing.

40. He had terrible acne

41. and had fur where there was no fur before.

42. He also noticed Fluffy Bunny.

43. Bor-ring.

44. Fuzzy went to the park,

45. the ice cream social, the boat show,

46. and various other wholesome activities.

47. And they never ruined their fun

48. by giving in to their throbbing biological urges.

49. Then came the big day.

50. Fluffy and Fuzzy got married.

51. That night came the honeymoon.

52. Eww!

53. She's faking it.

54. I mean romance, not love.

55. Mom, romance is dead.

56. It was acquired in a hostile takeover

57. by Hallmark and Disney,

58. homogenized and sold off piece by piece.

59. That's not true.

60. Romance is all around us...

61. In our neighborhoods...

62. even at our jobs.

63. All you have to do

64. is think about your most cherished memories.

65. - Moe's Tavern. - Hello, is Al there?

66. Al?

67. Yeah, Al. Last name Coholic.

68. Let me check.

69. Phone call for Al. Al Coholic.

70. A Jock Strap?

71. Is I.P. Freely here?

72. Hey, is there a Butts here?

73. Seymour Butts?

74. Homer Sexual?

75. Mike Crotch? Amanda Hugginkiss?

76. Hugh Jass? Ivana Tinkle?

77. I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face

78. and a big butt, and my butt smells,

79. and I like to kiss my own butt.

80. No! No! No!

81. No, ask your heart what its fondest desire is.

82. Chocolate.

83. Invisible cola.

84. Forbidden doughnut.

85. Sacrilicious.

86. Snouts.

87. Free goo.

88. Something.

89. No. Think about people...

90. About moments in your life that have been very romantic.

91. Okay.

92. That's not the idea at all.

93. Okay. Well, this story isn't ideal.

94. I've never told it to you before.

95. I got a very thoughtless birthday present

96. from someone who shall remain nameless.

97. So I actually went to the bowling alley

98. to spite him... or her.

99. I'm awfully sorry.

100. Entirely my fault.

101. It is nice to meet you...

102. - Homer. No, no.

103. Homer is my... ball's name.

104. I'm Marge.

105. Your fingers are so slender, so feminine.

106. They're far too tapered for the ball you're using.

107. You need something lighter, more delicate.

108. Here, use my ball.

109. No. No, thank you,

110. mister, um... Brunswick.

111. Call me Jacques.

112. Jacques.

113. Marge.

114. May I ask you a bold question?

115. Sure.

116. You've never bowled before?

117. - Never. - No.

118. - No. - Then I will teach you.

119. I don't want to trouble you.

120. Not at all. I am a professional.

121. Roll the ball for me, Marge. Let me see your form.

122. All right, but I'm not very good.

123. I can hit that one pin all right,

124. but the rest of them don't even wobble.

125. I can help you, Marge. Pick up the ball.

126. Pick up Homer. Pick him up.

127. - Now, throw. - But...

128. Throw, damn you.

129. You're a very good teacher.

130. Here we are.

131. You didn't have to drop me off.

132. But I wanted to.

133. Marge, do you know how beautiful you look

134. in the moonlight?

135. Jacques, I'm a married woman.

136. I know, I know.

137. My mind says stop, but my heart

138. and my hips cry, "proceed!"

139. Marge, darling, I want to see you tomorrow.

140. Meet me tomorrow for brunch.

141. - What's brunch? - You'd love it.

142. It's not quite breakfast. It's not quite lunch.

143. But it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end.

144. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast,

145. but you get a good meal.

146. He seemed to know a lot about brunch.

147. But it turned out he wasn't interested in brunch at all.

148. Your laughter is like music to me.

149. But if you laugh at what I say next, I will die.

150. For I am about to say something very serious,

151. perhaps shocking.

152. Marge, my darling,

153. I want you to meet with me again.

154. That doesn't shock me.

155. Away from prying eyes at my apartment,

156. the Fiesta Terrace.

157. Marge, speak to me.

158. Is Thursday okay?

159. Thank goodness

160. I drove down that ironic street.

161. I made the right decision to stay with my Homie

162. and there was no harm done.

163. So if you kind of mentally snip out the part

164. where I already had a husband,

165. that's my idea of romance.

166. Marge, I want you to stop seeing this Jacques.

167. You can let him down gently.

168. But over the next couple of months,

169. I want you to break it off.

170. Okay, Homer.

171. That was a close one, kids.

172. Okay, Marge,

173. as long as we're traumatizing the kids,

174. I have a scandalous story of my own.

175. Gentlemen,

176. I'd like you to meet your new co-worker, Mindy Simmons.

177. I think she has a degree in engineering or something.

178. Hi. How's it going?

179. - Pleased to meet you. - Yeah. Ditto.

180. Hi.

181. Homer, what's the matter?

182. Ain't you never seen a naked chick

183. riding a clam before?

184. Got to go!

185. I made it the whole day without seeing her again.

186. I mean, hello!

187. I guess we'll be going down together...

188. I mean, getting off togeth... I mean...

189. That's okay.

190. I'll just push the button for the stimulator...

191. I mean elevator.

192. Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts...

193. Ew!

194. Well, this is my floor.

195. See you tomorrow.

196. I tried to avoid her,

197. but we were sent to a nuclear convention

198. in Capital City together.

199. TV's there, bathroom's there,

200. and there's your king-sized bed for...

201. Hubba, hubba.

202. Stop that. I love my wife and family.

203. All I'm gonna use this bed for is sleeping, eating,

204. and maybe building a little fort.

205. That's it.

206. Homer.

207. I got a really wicked idea

208. that could get us into a lot of trouble.

209. Mindy. We have to fight our temptation.

210. No, Homer.

211. Let's do it.

212. Let's call room service!

213. Someone is charging room service to the company, sir.

214. Well, we'll just see about that.

215. Fly, my pretties.

216. Fly!

217. Ooh.

218. Continue the research.

219. Thanks for poisoning the planet, bastard!

220. Get bent.

221. No more Chernobyls!

222. Go to hell!

223. I was doing my best to resist her,

224. but at dinner, the fortune cookie predicted doom.

225. This was a really nice night, Homer.

226. Yeah, yeah.

227. What's wrong?

228. Yeah. Like you don't know.

229. We're gonna have sex.

230. Well... we don't have to.

231. Yes, we do.

232. The cookie told me so.

233. Well, desserts aren't always right.

234. But they're so sweet.

235. Homer...

236. you know how I feel,

237. so... it... it's up to you.

238. Look in your heart.

239. I think you'll see what you want.

240. Baby.

241. This was a wonderful idea, Homie.

242. What happened to Mindy?

243. Yes, what did happen to her?

244. She hit the bottle pretty hard and lost her job.

245. Good.

246. Does anyone else have a love story?

247. Yes, I do. And just like your love stories,

248. it's tragic and filled with hurt feelings and scars

249. that will never heal.

250. It started, appropriately enough,

251. with an innocent boy being embarrassed on Valentine's Day.

252. Poor Ralph.

253. Here you go, Ralph.

254. You choo-choo-choose me?

255. Happy Valentine's.

256. It was an unusually warm

257. February 14, so the children walked home

258. without jackets.

259. Can I walk you home... valentine?

260. Sure, I guess.

261. That valentine sure was funny.

262. Glad you liked it.

263. It says, "choo-choo-choose me"

264. and there's a picture of a train.

265. Yeah, nice gag.

266. So...

267. do you like... stuff?

268. The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds

269. if I kept my finger out of there.

270. Well, here's my house.

271. No. It's a package from Ralph.

272. A Malibu Stacy convertible.

273. "Look in the tunk."

274. He must mean trunk.

275. Tickets to the Krusty anniversary show!

276. It's the Krusty The Clown 29th Anniversary Show!

277. Hey!

278. Thank you! Thank you!

279. Lisa, do you want a bite of my ice cream?

280. No, thanks.

281. Send it this way, boy.

282. - Whoops. - Aww...

283. Nothing gets chocolate out.

284. See?

285. Now for my favorite part of the show.

286. What's that say?

287. "Talk to the audience"?

288. God, this is always death.

289. All right.

290. No. Please don't show me with Ralph.

291. - What's your name, son? - Ralph.

292. And is this your girlfriend, Ralph?

293. Yes. I love Lisa Simpson,

294. and when I grow up, I'm going to marry her.

295. No!

296. Now you listen to me!

297. I don't like you! I never liked you!

298. And the only reason I gave you that stupid Valentine

299. was 'cause nobody else would!

300. Watch this, Lis.

301. You can actually pinpoint the second

302. when his heart rips in half.

303. And... now.

304. Lisa, not all romances turn out that way.

305. Bart, do you have a love story

306. that doesn't end in heartbreak?

307. Yes, I do.

308. The only girl I ever loved

309. invited me up to the tree house.

310. She had something very important to tell me.

311. I'm so happy.

312. I just had to tell someone.

313. I have a boyfriend.

314. You won't be needing this.

315. Wait. That did end in heartbreak.

316. Thanks for opening up old wounds, Mom.

317. Well, as Jerry Lee Lewis would say,

318. "There's a whole lot of frowning going on."

319. Mom, doesn't any love story have a happy ending?

320. Of course.

321. Remember when...

322. your aunt Selma got married?

323. Good.

324. Soon I will kill you.

325. Wait, wait. That's no good.

326. I know. Your grandfather.

327. Remember?

328. It all started on an outing for dinner.

329. Say, I've got a neat idea.

330. Why don't you go in and pick up my mother

331. and we'll all go out to dinner?

332. I'll be back in a jiffy.

333. That's not my mother.

334. I'll be back in a jiffy.

335. Can I come too?

336. They hit it off right away,

337. but there were rivals

338. for the fair lady's hand.

339. My favorite song.

340. This is so nice.

341. I can't remember when I felt this young.

342. I really can't.

343. Say, sport, mind if I have the next dance?

344. What the...

345. Don't sneak up on a... You...

346. No need for the blown gasket, Charlie.

347. I'll have her back in one piece.

348. But, in the end,

349. just when things looked worst,

350. true love triumphed.

351. Do you, Jacqueline Bouvier, take this man

352. to be your lawfully wedded husband?

353. Monty, my favorite song.

354. I specifically requested no romantic music.

355. Mrs. Bouvier!

356. Mrs. Bouvier!

357. Mrs. Bouvier!

358. Honey, are you sure you want to be Mrs. Montgomery Burns?

359. Wouldn't you rather be Mrs. Abraham J. Simpson?

360. No.

361. I don't want to be either.

362. Hot diggety damn!

363. That's good enough for me.

364. That doesn't seem like a happy ending.

365. That seems more like a detached tale of modern alienation.

366. I give up.

367. Did anybody learn anything about love tonight?

368. I learned it screws everybody up.

369. There's that side of it,

370. but there's also...

371. Help me out here, Lisa.

372. Sorry, Mom. I've decided to save my love for someone

373. who's guaranteed not to reject me.

374. Soon, Corey, soon.

375. Well, kids, I tried. But maybe you're right.

376. Wait a minute, Marge. Love isn't hopeless.

377. Look, maybe I'm no expert on the subject,

378. but there was one time I got it right.

379. Gee, Artie...

380. Artie, wait. I don't know.

381. I mean, it was a beautiful evening.

382. - Let's not ruin it. - Just this...

383. Artie, please.

384. Come on, kiss me.

385. - Artie... - Please?

386. No, really, I mean it! Now stop it!

387. I'm sorry, Marge.

388. Take me home, Artie.

389. Marge, I would appreciate it

390. if you didn't tell anybody about my busy hands.

391. Not so much for myself, but I am so respected

392. it would damage the town to hear it.

393. Good night.

394. Yeah, right.

395. Shut up!

396. I'm over as far as I can go.

397. All right! All right!

398. I'll walk in the mud!

399. - Homer? - Marge?

400. - Yeah. You want a ride? - Sure.

401. You know, Homer, when I got home,

402. I realized who I should have gone to the prom with.

403. Who?

404. Hi, prom date.

405. Marge, pour vous.

406. Why so glum?

407. I got a problem.

408. Once you stop this car,

409. I'm gonna hug you and kiss you,

410. and then I'll never be able to let you go.

411. Your first kiss.

412. But not the last.

413. Homie.

414. See, kids?

415. That's what I meant by romance.

416. Shh!

417. CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.